how I discovered my greatest joy when I was completely broke/in housing court, my “loved ones” abandoned me, and I had no idea where my life was going.

photo by my beautiful patient Babita Patel

it was one of the most difficult of times for me.

since high school, I would always describe myself as driven by my own passion, even when that passion didn’t work out. in fact, my passion didn’t translate well or at all in the outer world hundreds of times. and I mean it – hundreds of times. business ventures I wanted to start with others failed immediately post-college, I trusted the wrong people, blah blah blah. I always kept going anyhow. when the title of this blog post hit me in real-time, I had trouble accessing my drive and passion. because my life was in total shut-down mode. I was being told something by the Universe, but I couldn’t hear it so clearly.

there I was, nearly 10 years post college, and post corporate America in which I had had a “socially acceptable” job for a number of years in the finance sector. had I stayed, I would have made a lot of money. the month I left corporate for good, I had a serious job offer on the table. it was for a then-cutting-edge financial media company that actually went public just a few years later. the offer was me in at the ground level with a quarter of a million base. who knows, maybe I would have been a shareholder and cashed in when the company sold. I said no. I chose, instead, to continue working toward creativity and human service. this was a struggle, internally, and externally (always late on rent), but I was…HAPPY. then, I don’t know if it happened in one day or one week or one month, but making it on my own came to a close. a shut-down. it lasted on and off for about 2 years.

this 2 year period was nearly comical given all that I had done/”accomplished” in the past; because absolutely no one wanted to hire me for work. at the onset of this 2 year period of destruction, I had begun it with my own freelance company. I was also working several odd jobs as well. I worked part-time at a boutique dress shop in the east village. I lived on my favorite block. I rented out my 6×10 living room slash kitchen that was taken up by a twin bed, so that I could make my rent. I made concessions my friends cringed at. I played in a rock band and tapped into my creativity which was lovely. I worked on indie films in multiple roles. some of those films totally screwed me financially or otherwise. in fact I think there were about 3 horrible indie film experiences. several of them are not even on my resume. I organized major events (for film projects) and got stiffed on being paid. I quietly (and for free) did consulting readings for various people and practiced energy work on them – but I was too scared to come out of that closet publicly. I didn’t know how good I actually was, even though I had an inkling. it was more of the fear of being public than anything else.

then, suddenly, all of the side work stopped and no one wanted to hire me. NO ONE. I had thousands of email records, applying for various roles in absolutely every industry one could imagine: medicine, finance, administration, education, fashion, hospitality, beauty. usually the feedback was “you are overqualified” or “we don’t understand your focus”. quickly and surely, there was no money left for rent. my landlord showed up at my door when I had someone there for consulting work and asked for rent. I didn’t have it. it was awful.

housing court sucked, royally. the judges were MEAN. I saw two of them. one woman told me “wake up! get a real job!” and she had her minions-in-training sitting by to learn from her. she referenced them and she referenced me. she grilled me about what my “next steps” were. I am sure it is still on audio if I want to order it from the court building downtown. that might be fun to do, just to reflect on it all. she was hateful. the other housing court judge was mean but had less time for insults. she just wanted to grant the landlord whatever he wanted. his lawyer was mean. he told me “I am going to own every paycheck you have for the rest of your life”. he whispered it into my ear like it was a movie. I felt tremendous shame. clearly the environment thrived on the fear of people in my position. it worked. he got me to sign a document that would mess up my credit and mark a “judgement” against me, even though the court clerk told me that I did not have to sign it. I just wanted the landlord to know I would be good for the rent money. and I wanted the lawyer to leave me alone. what a waste of a signature. I went back to housing court two more times. the last trip was a victory and I parted on amicable terms with the landlord. I think I ran into his lawyer the other day on the upper west side – he was standing outside of a restaurant in broad daylight and looked tired and miserable. I didn’t. I think he recognized me. it has been nearly a decade since we first met.

hardly anyone I knew socially, except some family members, knew I was in housing court, and I was too ashamed to tell. I was a white American woman with an education — how dare I end up there! — that is the response I was expecting (and the response I did in fact receive from some people), and in a way, I believed that I had no right to be in the position I was. I had skills…I spoke several languages…I was resourceful. yet, something was crashing. finally I stopped working at the dress shop and I couldn’t even afford to eat. that dress shop was my lifeline, and some asshole coworker (who admittedly thought I “had it all!”) set me up by repeatedly saying I left the door unlocked after my shift. it was her life’s dream, one day, to become a retail store manager.

one day, during my usual coffee shop job solicitation email binges, I met with a consultant friend of mine. I told him about what was happening and the shame was too great to share the whole story. but I said I might be in trouble with paying my rent, and that “things were slow”. he said “stop telling people everything is ok. tell them what is happening”. I thought, what a novel idea. it had been ingrained in me that if I wasn’t serving someone ELSE, or their needs, I did not even exist. so it was hard to say the truth. 5 minutes after my consultant friend left, the very next person who contacted me was someone I had been fond of and very supportive of over the years. he was nearly a quadriplegic. I never saw him like that. we would go out for drinks and I would push him around and he told me that I made him feel like he could walk. this person messaged me on facebook and said “hey, how are you?”. I told him. that I was facing housing court next week and I was in back-rent for 5k+. he said “no problem, you can be my muse and do some copy editing for me. I’ll pay you x per hour and take care of your housing court bill”. I said no immediately. the relationship I had with people “helping” me had always been a strings-attached scenario. never had anyone helped me just to actually help. I had also never borrowed money like that before. so I was scared that there was some agenda. I thought, what could this person possibly want? he can’t walk. we are friends. ok, I will say yes. it took me until the day OF court to say yes. he had already offered a handful of times. I knew part of my lesson in the situation was to accept help. I had always been made to feel as though I was a burden for needing ANYTHING, so this was hard. after I said yes, we went out for drinks. my “friend” proposed I take him to strip clubs and share sexual acts with him. part of me understood him, and part of me was destroyed. of course I would not entertain that. I saved our correspondence “just in case”. it took me longer than I thought it would to pay him back, and he became angry, abusive and stalkerish.

I continued to do as much side work as possible to eat and keep my phone on. I also realized, I was working for free most all of the time. I put my heart and soul toward productions, seed ideas for productions, I gave away free healings and consult, and more. I was an idea machine and I was not monetizing it. I didn’t realize at the time that it had everything to do with being afraid to monetize for my time. it was also an old pattern of being used and taken advantage of, but I did not see it. and I never ever saw myself as a victim. I hated victims or victim mentality. I actually still have little patience for that. so I suffered quietly. some side work, like assisting a wonderful voice teacher with her business development, was all I had integrity-wise and monetary-wise. I am grateful to have had Lynn Singer in my life during that time. I would go up on her beautiful doorman high-rise rooftop in Chelsea and imagine I was the person I am TODAY.

I kept looking for “real” jobs. I came up empty. I began walking the hyper pit bull that belonged to my next door Vietnam vet neighbor who could barely walk. he lived in one of those AMAZING old loft duplexes with a garage in the east village. I would clean his apartment, which was covered in dog urine and the scent of death from the previous owners of like 1975 – seriously, the entire front part of the duplex was still an old office from the 70s! he never cleaned it because it had belonged to someone else (unorthodox sentimental respect?). who apparently died. probably in that very room. one day I realized that he thought we were dating. he would pay me 100 bucks a visit and one day he tried to kiss me. I wasn’t afraid of him because he could literally not walk. but it just…no. God bless him. I stayed friendly. I didn’t go back. I sent holiday cards and called him once in a while. he was a special soul.

during much of this, I was ironically in surrender mode. I wasn’t crying. I didn’t complain at all. I knew in my core something spiritual was taking place within me, if only I could keep listening. I went to bikram yoga every day and did the work study program for free classes. I had a huge bag of oatmeal, a huge bag of pasta, and running water. I was good! I rented out my “living room” right next to my tiny bedroom to nice people I found on Craigslist as much as I could. finally, I decided that the only way I could feel of value was to volunteer, but in an actual volunteer position — not a working-for-free while being taken advantage of position. a REAL volunteer job, where the energetic balance was reciprocal. I knew also, that balanced energy monetizes in some way, and ultimately takes care of us. I began mentoring and creating curriculum for handicapped children and adults. I would ride the train to Brooklyn each week, and it was 90 minutes each way.

I will never forget one of my first days on the job. as I rode that train all the way out to the Hasidic parts of BK, my body began to buzz. head to toe. I began to burst with unconditional love in my heart. I wanted to cry, but with joy. when I would get to the classroom, I would teach different subjects with the resident psychologist. we got along amazingly well, and the mentally and physically handicapped children and adults took a special liking to me. one day someone in class learned how to write three letters freehand. they felt like they won a Pulitzer. their joy was palpable to the point of their own tears. I felt like I was choking to maintain my composure. THESE PEOPLE GAVE ME SO MUCH. more than I had ever been given in my entire life. things like this continued to happen. the buzzing high I got on the train increased, and I realized what the Universe was trying to tell me throughout the roughly 2 year period of my life’s collapse (again – it had collapsed before! just not to this degree in the physical world): “put your healing and consulting skills on the map. put it online. tell people. come out of the closet. if you do not do this, we will keep challenging you”. I was so afraid of how I would be judged, because this was the truest part of me. the ONLY part of me that actually mattered to me.

one day, as I sat in the middle of my living room with a broken laptop and no TV, in dead silence, with my cats, I asked — screamed — out loud, “what do you want me to do!?”. I knew. and yet I was scared. but I had no choice. the hundreds of emails per DAY that I was sending out went unanswered. the Universe didn’t care if I could make 6 figures plus based on my “degree”. it didn’t want me in a box, even though I was trying to fit. it didn’t want me producing film at that moment. it wanted me in my purpose, and I was too exhausted to question it anymore. I had a book called “Living In The Light” by Shakti Gawain, that was recommended by my then-new-friend Vanessa. she is now a holistic nurse or doctor. in the book, I landed up on one line that said something like “everything we need to take care of ourselves in the physical world is ALREADY WITHIN US”. it hit me that my degrees, my blah blah blah, meant nada. it was ok to “come out” with my inner gifts and behind the scenes work, and it was ok to monetize it. I marinated on that for a few weeks.

I thought of the palpable, life-altering joy I felt on those long train rides to Brooklyn, and how spirit literally entered my body. I thought of the dozens of screw-overs in film and entertainment, and other jobs I tried to do for people who lived only on ego. I thought of how my “best friend” at the time abandoned and criticized me for being “selfish” because I wouldn’t visit her out of state, and how other loved ones berated me via email and phone for being in the position I was. I thought of how I didn’t fit in anywhere, it seemed, and how no one even wanted me to wait tables (I had littered ALL of downtown with my photo and resume and hospitality experience). I thought of how I had stuffed my resume, photo and cover letter in every mailbox in my neighborhood that I could find, hoping someone would call me for work. I had tried everything, and nothing was changing — except somehow the increased awareness of INNER HAPPINESS (which had, obviously, nothing to do with my circumstances) and message of purpose (healing and consulting others).

in the midst of all of the above, I tapped into a joy that is ironic considering how awful things were. I was like a rubber band being stretched in both directions: on one end, my physical and “on-paper” life was a disaster — and on the other hand, I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY (people actually thought I was a millionaire and would ask me for jobs, all during this time). I didn’t even know why I was happy. but it shot straight from my core on a daily basis. there I was, at the bottom of the barrel of life, no friends nearby, pretty much zero support, I felt like a loser, I thought the world hated me, everywhere I turned there was a villian or monster looking to take me for a ride, I could barely keep the lights on, I had nothing — except myself. and those train rides. and that joy that I shared with people who didn’t share some of my outer blessings, but they shared my inner blessings: natural love and joy. they were not driven by appearance or money or reputation. they just wanted to learn the alphabet. I learned, once and for all, what it was to just breathe and be so incredibly thankful for that. I maintained that gratitude for a ridiculous amount of time. and my life was never the same.

and so one day I put my practice on a crappy wordpress site with just a phone number, no photo and no bio… and the rest is history.


trauma bonding and stockholm syndrome — and those who are caught in it.

photo by my beautiful patient Babita Patel

I can not even begin to count the many cases of trauma bonded individuals I have seen. nearly all of them simultaneously experiencing stockholm syndrome as trauma bonding would mimic for those who were not actual hostages in something like a bank robbery — but victims of their own family, caregiver, or pseudo-caregiver’s psychological, emotional and physical abuse.

the thing about being trauma bonded, I have seen, is that when someone is so, they don’t even know it. THAT IS THE POINT of being manipulated to the point that a person has no idea they are being abused. “studies show that emotional abuse intermixed with small acts of kindness can bond some victims to their abusers even more than consistent good treatment can” — a quote from this blog

when I work with folks who have trauma bonded (and they are only ever, if at all, intellectually aware of it — but not emotionally or otherwise) with an abusive person (nearly always a parent/”caretaker”), there are 2 key elements that accompany the situation:

1) the person is extremely intelligent. EXTREMELY. in fact, the more intelligent the person, the bigger the cement wall between their conscious and unconscious minds. the unconscious mind is where all of the goods are. the memories. the TRUTH that the ego was too afraid to see as it dissociated from isolated or ongoing traumatic experiences in order to survive them. I have noticed that the more intellectual the individual, the more “logic” and “rationale” they will use to stay committed to the abuse — whether they speak frequently with their abuser or not. on an intellectual level, of course this person will identify their abuser as being abusive. but on every other level, they do not and will not (until they have truly rehabilitated) identify abuse, and in fact they insist upon remaining in contact with their abusers due to this dissonance. it will not ever matter what their abuser has done, or how bad or illegal or life-threatening it was, because the cognitive playground of the intellectual intelligence will build beautiful walls around the facts. this, of course, is done as the ego adrenaline ensures that this person will be able to “stay alive” as a reward for being in contact with the abuser. it is a time-eclipsing, chemical, primal, life-threatening response to change (which, for this person change = balance, growth, happiness, peace of mind, restful sleep, conscious awareness, drive & motivation, long-term and satisfying relationships). this “protective” ego adrenaline response is nearly exactly like a drug addiction, hence extremely difficult to break.

2) the person experienced, and in most cases still experiences, “random” acts of kindness from their abuser — and these are like the hits of CRACK that the addict (abused person) waits for OVER AND OVER again, mistaking them for possible change. except there is never change. then ensues the cycle of 1) intellect and 2) the tiniest breadcrumb of kindness from an individual who is simply waiting to abuse them, some way, some how,…all…over…again. without extensive focus, and of course first admitting that there “is a problem” — the problem being the cognitive and emotional dissonance that has been created, it is very hard to break these patterns.

when I was younger and I would hear stories about smart, beautiful and successful women repeatedly returning to their lying/abusive partners, I did not understand it. then, I got older and recognized trauma bonding in myself – I just didn’t choose it so much in romantic partnerships. however, when I began attending some Alanon meetings in my 20s, I began to see what MY addiction was: fixing a completely trauma bonded situation that was ingrained within me and unwittingly engaging in it over and over and over again, always missing the cause and effect. as I began to study my own case and consult for others (long before launching my private practice publicly), I identified dozens of patterns that I could then spot miles away when just physically looking at a person (a random person, a stranger). the patterns were strains of trauma-bonded behaviors that were just unmistakable. when consulting for someone, I knew what someone was going to say about their “case” before they even said it, and I knew all of the karate-chop defense their intellect would spew as a means for staying trauma bonded. I know I have referenced this before, but if I had ever completed my traditional psych degree as I began a Northeastern years ago, I highly doubt I would know a fraction of what I do now.

consulting and helping hundreds of trauma bonded individuals helped me to see my own dissonance years ago. I realized how staying connected to insidious yet blatantly clear trauma bonded relationships and energy signatures would ruin my life forever if I continued to logic-it-out, or be tricked with bread-crumb actions by abusive individuals. and it changed and saved my life. it CATAPULTED my life. but that said, it took TREMENDOUS strength, time, awareness, research and “permission”.

sometimes when people share with me details of their abuse, my heart shudders. because it was that difficult for them. they share horrific details, and yet their emotion or expression does not match the words (truth) they are speaking. cognitive dissonance in fullest effect. they “know” how badly they need to transmute the trauma bonded glue, but they don’t KNOW how badly they need to transmute the trauma bonded glue.

that said, all things come in good time. we transcend our unconscious and step into awareness as we chip chip chip away at something — anything in life, actually. we CAN get there, and it can feel like a light-switch when it happens! we might spend decades longing for some kind of psychological freedom that we think we will never achieve, but then POOF. we wake up one day and we have achieved it. I’ve seen it time and time again.

more people than we could ever imagine have been molded into a trauma bonded situation, and we wouldn’t even know it — because usually they do not even know it. the next time you observe the “person who has it all”, and at the same time you wonder why they can not break a pattern, consider the fact that it was perhaps ingrained in their primitive survival at some point. this person might be the CEO, the psychotherapist, the teacher, or your best friend. one way to recognize this is to ask 1) are they extremely intellectual, as in, they really do seem to know more than the average person and have incredible advice/insight? 2) do they date or engage with people (bosses, family members, etc) who don’t seem to treat them all that well, yet they jump at the tiniest gestures and you scratch your head wondering why because they are so competent in all other areas of life?

writing about ways to help a trauma bonded person is another blog post entirely, and truly I think that “help” resides in the rock-bottom realm for almost everyone (as well as 12-step programs, the right therapist, it is different for everyone). like an addict, there is no middle-ground. eventually something drastic will happen to us to wake us up, or we will simply get sick and tired of being sick and tired.


general updates: “medical miracles”, expanding my message, shedding a layer

photo by my beautiful patient Babita Patel

at this current moment, I have 4 former patients sharing the same “medical miracle”. the way I would describe the problem and solution is this: an energy developed as a means of telling the person something, as a means of “waking them up”; this energy turned into a block, and tampered with the line between logic and faith which resides in each of us. when logic could no longer be beaten, and the problem did not shift, faith poked its head out. faith sounded something like this: “there must be another reason…a reason that defies logic…that this has occurred…it is time to go within, away from web md and away from the advice of friends, family and colleagues…and into the chambers of my heart, which puts my ego at great risk”. the solution — through our work together — then became fully identifying the former occurrence and pairing a multitude of unconscious states with the “logical” or 3d “provable” “reality”, i.e. the thing/block that the person did not want. through fully uncovering unconscious identities in the form of beliefs by virtue of experiences and programming, the shackles upon such could loosen enough to begin to eclipse that unwanted 3d “reality”. in short: our unconscious states dictate much of what we experience in this life. and, different people get sick for different reasons.

it just so happened that earlier this year, one of the most shocking “medical miracles” I have ever encountered through my work took place. it was illness-related, and chronic/long-term at that. the transcendence of illness for this person was so strong that our conversations organically evolved into doing something about the important truth/message of that transcendence. this person is someone who, by society’s silly standards — and like most all of my patients –, people will “listen to”. this person is extremely quantitative, respected, corporate, perceivably linear. “normal”. “down to earth”. needless to say, we are working on a multimedia project that shall serve as a brand new bridge…between medical and spiritual. this is the perfect time for it.

personally (and I have written about this so many times), I have struggled for a long time with being seen in the public eye. for a variety of reasons. for the last decade I have worked to shed that layer. and for a number of years over the last decade, it felt like that layer was not thinning. I felt like I made slow pushes and wondered if I would ever give birth to a new layer. I had to constantly ask myself, “am I saying no to this opportunity because it is not an opportunity I want, or am I saying no out of fear of being seen?”. I have never been a person to take the easy way out – folks would shudder over the things I have said no to, just in order to maintain the integrity of my work and my truth. because there is power in containment. and recognition for the sake of it is the gateway to hell. recognition for the sake of contribution is the gateway to heaven. I made sure to avoid the former, but I have had difficulty seeing the value of the latter due to fear. that is a layer that, just in the last few months, has thinned substantially. it is safe to say that this layer has been shed or is just about to be shed. I am certain that many people relate to me — especially artists. taking the truth of one’s core and putting it on display can feel like virtual suicide. a broader point that I would like to make regarding shedding layers, at this particular time, is that I have noticed the current climate is RIPE for shedding. I am noticing that the people around me waking up and feeling like different people nearly overnight are doing so at a pace so rapid and unprecedented that I know this is also a collective experience.

cheers to so many things right now. to new information, to opening the mind to new experiences that the soul or spirit is already veteran to. to breakthroughs in science and in medicine. to unlikely characters like me (in their unlikely human suits and backgrounds) making contributions that are sometimes hard for others to accept. to surprising the shit out of people simply by living core truth and brilliance. to breaking the mold of the mainstream and to breaking the BOXES people require of us because they can not leave their own. cheers to waking up and engaging in a consistent and new emotional experience of the world, driven by a new pair of googles — seemingly overnight. cheers to shedding layers.


the first spiritual speaker I ever heard — and how it changed my life in an INSTANT

photo by my beautiful patient Babita Patel

I did not grow up with the internet. in my day, even as a teenager, one went to the library and borrowed books to learn about any/all subjects they were not taught at home. there were no cell phones. access to information was…limited relative to our 2017 experience.

at birth, I had a predisposition to understanding and experiencing all things nonlinear, intangible and multidimensional. however, I had no outer world context or access through which to cultivate this intrinsic understanding and experience.

when I was 24, after my own “dark night of the soul” period, I heard Caroline Myss’ “Anatomy of the Spirit”. and it changed my life. it was everything that my soul always knew, but my cognitive linear mind had never heard before. my soul had heard it many times, experienced it many times, and practiced it many times. I would drive around in my car, during my first on-the-road B2B sales job, and listen to her tapes over and over again. I knew immediately that I had to bring my innate understandings and experiences to the outer world, and I had NO IDEA how to do it/how to present it. at this time, social media was not in effect either. I can remember KNOWING that I could help change a life, if only I could manage the context in which to present such. I also knew that I was still young, and not many people would want help from someone in their 20s. so, I continued my journey…I continued to expand creatively, I worked various intense jobs in finance/corporate barter/advertising, and I worked in film and TV to prep the vessel that would be used in the future for my “message”. I just kept…moving toward something.

I went through some more extreme deaths of self, and I immersed myself in listening to and absorbing all that my core already knew. it was like music to my ears, magic to my heart. I felt relief. I felt connected. I didn’t care if I had any friends or not, because the truth that was audibly reaching my ears was all that I needed.

the first time I heard “Anatomy of the Spirit” — I think I was like 15 minutes in — I both cried and fell asleep. in my car. engine running, book on tape playing. when I see people through my work, I can see similar responses within them as we engage. sometimes it just takes one person, just for a moment, to create a domino effect in us that has been waiting a lifetime to happen. that is how I felt about Caroline’s material. and, it is not the kind of material that one can share or receive unless they are truly predisposed to it. otherwise, the mainstream and collective consciousness would be light-years beyond where it is at this point. it is not information that one can “teach” — rather it is information that one can translate so that the person who is listening can REMEMBER.

I am grateful to Caroline and to the Universe for putting me in the path of her materials, not because they taught me, but because they helped me REMEMBER. from there on out I was able to expand at rapid speed, into everything that I already was. each of us has particular and different gifts, but these are gifts intrinsic to our soul. we can not “learn” them, we can not sell them, and we can not replicate them — we can only remember them. that is why one person will seemingly “do well” in an intangible arena, and another person not so much. there is no faking it in the realm where the soul and spirit reside, and connect through the body.

here is an article that I just stumbled upon, from the Huffington Post in 2014, with Caroline Myss:
Caroline Myss/Huffington Post


desperation versus allowing — force versus power

photo by Pia Venegas

it is in the state of desperation that our greatest fears become realities. desperation is a state of force and resistance.

it is in the state of allowing that our greatest fears become transmuted, into power.

EVERYTHING in our outer world experience is an expression of our UNconscious mind — aka we do not have easy access to it.

how do we move out of desperation and into allowing?

1) we monitor our ATTACHMENT. attachment = need or perceived need. what are we expecting of others that we can’t or think we can’t give to ourselves? when we are in a state of attachment we are in a state of resistance and force — which = disappointment/anger/resentment.

2) we open to self-accountability. nothing happens TO us. all things happen exactly from the core of our conscious and, most importantly, UNCONSCIOUS states of being. when we begin to work with this and move away from blame and inappropriate focus upon others, we can move out of desperation. essentially we are desperate for someone ELSE to fix our situation or state of being, until we recognize that we are the only person who can actually do that.

3) we allow ourselves to FEEL. we do not self-medicate: with alcohol, drugs, sex, cutting, vomiting, codependent relationships, or distractions of ANY sort. we FEEL the feelings that we are turning away from, which creates pure FORCE. as we feel, we move out of force and into power.

if we can apply the above, we will notice that the people and circumstances “around us” change — because we have changed. sometimes this change looks like explosions, and sometimes it looks like fairy tales. it does not matter WHAT it looks like — it matters that things are, above all, changing. don’t judge the storm, but rather pay attention to the fact that something different is taking place because a different action or focus has been implemented.

when we are in a full state of allowing, there is nothing that can ultimately impact our reality unless we choose it to do so.


#totd: if a “coach”, “healer” or “therapist” tells you that you need them or their services, do this: RUN.

#totd: if a “coach”, “healer” or “therapist” tells you that you need them or their services, do this: RUN.

the day that I stop hearing people tell me that some hopeful-for-business would-be “coach”, “healer” or “therapist” told them that they have “dark” or “negative” energy around them or attached to them can not come soon enough. if someone has to convince you that you are screwed in ANY way before they work with you, then they have nothing to offer you that you need.

here is a general rule of thumb, in life, but also in the “healing” and “therapeutic” communities: if someone has to sell their services, aka tell you that you need them for ANY reason, you must RUN. true healing and assistance is based on attraction, NOT PROMOTION.

when people call me for a session, and (first of all) I feel it in my gut that it is even right to call them back, and we talk, I will NEVER say “you should have a session”. people may complain that I don’t call everyone back, but I am working with MY INTEGRITY. I am honoring others whether they realize it or not. this is why I also have two book requisites — because it is not for me to say to ANYONE: “you need help” or “you need work done” or “I can help you because you have [unspecified] unresolved energy around your field”. various reading on a few of the subjects I cover allows people to further decide for themselves what they want, it gives them info outside of my personal offering, and it empowers them to know generally WHAT they feel they need without me first telling them a thing.

it disgusts me that there are actual humans desperately promoting their “services” in a way that evokes fear in others so that they can cash in. the reason that I have an unorthodox way of working is A), to honor the work as best I can, B) EMPOWER others, and C) completely avoid anyone thinking that they NEED me — before, during or after a session with me. if someone — anyone — tells you that you have unresolved and scary shit around you, and they cause fear in you, they are manipulating you. plain and simple. why would anyone do this to another person, whom they have never met, and convince them that they need help? to manipulate them for money. period.

if you do not feel either neutral or empowered after speaking with a particular person, and especially if someone is telling you — in ANY way — that you need them, RUN. it is a trap. I am so sick of these stories and knowing that good hearts who have suffered very difficult pasts are being preyed upon simply because they are vulnerable and learning the ropes in life, perhaps for the first time (about authority, boundaries, who is safe, etc). it also saddens me to say that some of these individuals who prey upon others appear (at least online, which really means jack shit) to be legitimate. I suppose that the age of ego death and conscious connection we are in plays a nice role here, where we may finally develop eyes that are not blinded by ego, but rather fueled with true intuition.

one way to avoid the above is to simply not open up about what your problems are when seeking any type of counselor, before you see them. let THEM get specific with you first, and if they start on a scary note, LEAVE. leave the phone consult, leave their office, leave at wherever you are at no matter what.

at this point in our linear time experience, there is no sure-fire tangible way to distinguish between frauds and real-deals within such an unorthodox and unquantifiable (and sensationalized!) field like “healing” (heck, even modern medicine is a part-time freak show! look at the number of the doctors with untreated drug and psych problems, for starters), but surely a time will come when there is. mark my words. this is one of the reasons I stay far away from the “new age” and “spiritual” communities. they are infested with hacks (and a few authentic people, maybe, but the authentic people can be hard to spot in a sea of sharks) who abuse or exploit others through fear. I have had my fair share of experiences a decade ago as I was beginning to emerge in the healing and intangible realms as it would pertain to my now-work! it’s truly unbelievable what kind of crap is out there. but, I went through it to see through it. and whether I had those experiences or not, I knew and know that inducing any kind of fear in another person (the most pathetic inducers of fear sit behind a phone or a computer screen) is not only wrong and karmically unfortunate for the inducer of fear, but it is an absolute flag for the person seeking potential counsel or advice.

if you feel horrible or even confused after speaking with any “helper” type as described above, use it as an opportunity to see how it relates to something in your past — i.e. who robbed your feeling of safety and what does this particular experience echo for YOU? you CAN turn these experiences into positives no matter what stage you are at with them. anyone who can actually help you will either offer other potential helpers/advisors/healers (aka references!) in case you are not fully resonating with them and their proposed work, or they will let you know that you are “A-ok” whether you work with them or not. people who can actually help you do not “need” clients”. there is no feeling of pressure to work with them. because the truth is: you ARE ok whether you work with someone or not! no one is more powerful than you, and anyone who makes you believe otherwise is in NEED themselves, or is in a sad state — sadder than you ever could believe you are.


Ashton’s Video Testimonial for Healing Elaine®

Ashton is a courageous, independent and self-accountable human being. I feel like I barely had to give her anything post-session, and that is the ironic part as her words would indicate so differently. everyone’s perception of what is “giving” is so, so different. that said, my heart is 100% full and unconditional for each session and hers was no different. her GRATITUDE is what makes her life go round. and yes, she did quit her job the day after our session, and started her own grass roots business virtually overnight (Reel Heal NYC) — and she listened to every single suggestion I made and put it into action the night OF our session. working with Ashton has been a dream.

Energy Medicine & Reiki Therapy by Elaine, Spiritual Crime Solver: Bridging The Gap Between Medical & Spiritual™ offers intuitive consulting and energetic therapy in unchartered format, treating those at a serious crossroad/conundrum, “Bridging The Gap Between Medical & Spiritual™”. Patients include diplomats, C-level executives, ivy league scientists, renowned doctors/physicians/medical professionals, psychotherapists/mental health professionals, entrepreneurs, artists, engineers, single mothers on welfare and everyone in between. One thing they all have in common: they all share part of the same soul.

© Energy Medicine & Reiki Therapy by Elaine, Spiritual Crime Solver: Bridging The Gap Between Medical & Spiritual™

FRIENDLY DISCLAIMER: Energy Medicine & Reiki Therapy by Elaine / Elaine is a Reiki Practitioner and Ordained Minister, but is not a physician, dietitian, nutritionist, or psychotherapist. Her advice, workshops, written content, and healing sessions are considered supplementary in nature and should not be a replacement for conventional medicine or psychiatric care. Please consult your physician or other licensed healthcare professional for any physical or psychological ailments you may be suffering or think you may have. By attending any seminar, class or session provided by Energy Medicine & Reiki Therapy by Elaine / Elaine, you acknowledge that in no event will (Energy Medicine & Reiki Therapy by Elaine / Elaine) be liable in any way directly or indirectly for damages resulting from information, data, classes or healing sessions provided or for the loss of profits through the use or misuse of said information and data, either via its use, negligence or other actions.


#totd – how I find actual peace on a daily basis. since so many people wonder and ask me.

#totd – how I find actual peace on a daily basis. since so many people wonder and ask me.

I remain unattached to any outcome. no matter what it is. business, social, romantic or otherwise. perhaps I have been destroyed so many times I have been afforded this now-state of acceptance and surrender which is a TRUE gift. (this is different from dissociating, zoning out or using substances people or distractions to disconnect – it’s actually the opposite).

I let each moment be what it should be. no matter what. I allow fear to show up and I don’t resist it. sometimes the fear is annoying or hell-like, but when I allow for it, it DOES pass. I got so used to fear from such an early age that it actually has very little control over me anymore. curse converted to blessing.

I have standards but NO expectations. there is a difference. expectations ruin the way we feel. standards are personal senses of value and ethics and anyone who violates those really just violates themselves, not me. I let people be who they are without needing – not for a moment – for them to be different. for a time, years ago, it meant I was all alone in the world. but I had also already visited that place too many times to count and I am consistently ALWAYS willing to go back there, all in the name of peace.

I know nothing can steal my internal peace unless it is already missing in the first place. in which case I would need to continue to assess my need to control versus allow.

these are just a few notes on how I find peace. and of course saying the serenity prayer is never a bad thing — but connecting to it’s intrinsic nature and aligning with it is the experience that must be practiced repeatedly.


Healing Elaine® Testimonial Short Story, a job-quitter success story (aren’t they all?), (& a tech cleanse!)

photo by Babita Patel

I am just coming off of a 24 hour tech cleanse. I succeeded 99% with it. yay! I work 24/7. it never stops. stopping means possibly disappointing someone, not getting to their email “in time”, and not being able to speak on the phone. but sometimes it needs to stop. sometimes it HAS to stop. in order for me to be equipped to do what I do, I must be completely “full”. I risk getting sick before and after every single session I do. it is impossible to even explain. so I am also doing a relaxing physical and mental and no speaking to anyone cleanse for the next 24 hours. part of being full is staying away from tech as much as possible. tech sucks. and it’s also totally amazing. point in case my post here… anyhow —

one of my former patients, one of my former patients, Ashton Symonds (reelhealnyc@gmail), assembled this video. she quit her mundane job (which had nothing to do with production, which is her dream) the day after our session and created her own (production related) business with no funding or security (just the struggle of side-job-city!). she’s just “doing it”. renegade style, my style, the only style I know of to really make things happen. I love her and I am proud of her. this short story video is a nice snapshot of some journeys, all with different details and experiences, and all with the same common denominators

editing and compilation of this video by my beautiful patient, “Reel Heal NYC”; her website of production services and offerings coming soon assembled this video. she quit her mundane job (which had nothing to do with production, which is her dream) the day after our session and created her own (production related) business with no funding or security (just the struggle of side-job-city!). then she made this short story video. she’s just “doing it”. renegade style, my style, the only style I know of to really make things happen. I love her and I am proud of her. this short story video is a nice snapshot of some journeys, all with different details and experiences, and all with the same common denominators

editing and compilation of this video by my beautiful patient, “Reel Heal NYC”; her website of production services and offerings coming soon