photo by Babita Patel
when I say “we want to be liked”, I am not talking about the honorable motivation that says something like “I want to be good to this person/people because it’s the right thing to do, and naturally I will be liked”, I am talking about “I will be two-faced or three-faced or twelve-faced in order to fit in or please this person/people, even if it is wrong, because the pain of possibly not being liked is too great for me to handle — and I am also afraid that xyz (aka be left all alone) will happen if I am not liked”. wanting to be liked can translate to “I will exercise no personal honor, integrity or will”.
before I get into the theme of “we fail because we want to be liked”, a little background music:
our current and collective moral compass has dropped so far beneath anything I recognize as livable, personally (this is why my practice has been such a BLESSING — it all feels so, so insulated from what is “out there”). our disgusting mainstream social/media and pop culture of superficial shit (basically, “liking” and valuing things because of what they look like versus who and what they actually are) have given human beings the weakest possible barometer for living not just honorably, but even with just the most basic truth. and this lack of truth has seeped in like a silent but deadly cancer. look around — so many people are dying or dead, even while physically walking around, and what is left of them is an empty container of a corpse or a robot, because of our current epidemic. their higher selves have left their bodies. of course, when a collective moral compass like this breaks, it does so to rebuild itself, and that is beautiful. so I don’t see this as a negative. that said, in the process of having our collective moral compass remain pretty much non-functional, part of the exacerbation of this new low has been individual failure to stand in personal truth.
personal truth is important now more than ever. personal truth supersedes “facts”, or believing something just because it appears so, or adhering to something we concluded from the internet. what I see a whole lot of, especially in the disturbing chambers of cancerous social media, is the influence of such on otherwise healthy people who simply don’t dig deeper than “I’ll just take this at face value and make it part of my belief” because they do not know any better. there is no moral compass educational sort of manual that we each get before logging onto the world-wide web. as a result of our broken compass, there is a culture of malignant narcissism that is floating to the surface right now in staggering denomination and it is shocking to me (and probably to many). this is a whole other layer on the cake of convoluted “truth” we each decide upon. but again, like a puss-filled wound that has been thrown a band-aid, the band-aid must be ripped off so that the puss can spill out and the wound can be cleaned. during this cleaning, it is important more than ever to question what we believe and WHY. what drives us to conclude xyz, and then take our “position”? because some insulated Hollywood person said so? because our group of friends say so and we have to agree so we aren’t all alone in our “truth”? there are a lot of dangerous “facts” out there, and just because we sickly value fame and “following”, our sheep-like syndrome will be the death of us individually (because on a positive note, I do not see our moral compass staying broken — what I see is ultimate truth rising so high that eventually hardly any one of us can miss it, “facts” or no facts. like my eBooklet on the physics of karma, this is where we are headed — to repair via imminent hard truth).
so here is the thing: the truth ALWAYS comes out. whether it is in a family that is hiding its pedophile father or grandfather or another person to save its collective “reputation”, or whether it is in a large corporate or institutional system hiding corruption in order to keep making money. so, the question is, at what point do we want to get off the train that we are possibly on, the one that is heading to ultimate and imminent destruction? we can either get off now, later, or never because we have crashed along with that train. it’s easier to get off early, and do the “hard” work, because the work required after we have been dragged to realization is just so much harder.
background music fading out, and on to my original point: we fail in life because we want to be liked. what this looks like is supported by all of the above background music, in the form of laziness. it takes a lot of work to think for ourselves. no, really. it does! if it did not, our moral compass would be very different! for example. earlier this year I was extremely disappointed by a particular situation. I entered it with a degree of intuition, and then I questioned that intuition (because I had to learn something, and I learned the hard way indeed). I should know, not to ever question my intuition. but, it was a unique situation and I am always willing to take risks. this risk cost me everything I had, at least monetarily. in that particular situation, the spore of the cancer of it was individuals who wanted to be liked. they were the “blah blah blahs” that I refer to in a recent post, meaning people who will say one thing to one person and a different thing to eleven other people, simply to suit their momentary endeavor aka be liked for fleeting purposes. as I already know, that is one of the deadliest conditions to bring into my life. anyone who wants to be liked. but I didn’t see it until after of course I had questioned my own intuition. I am fortunate in that there are enough people in my life who do not want to be liked. therefore, those people do not make decisions out of weakness. therefore, there is no weakness in their business or close personal relationships. there are few to no cracks in the ship. what happens when we want to be liked?
what happens when we want to be liked is always something short-term and completely unsustainable, as we are gearing our “decisions” or “truth” to a pointed moment in time — not a personally collective perspective. when we want to be liked, we shape-shift constantly to accommodate whatever is popular at that second. that is a LOT of shape-shifting required to sustain being liked. we become fragmented. we become more unconscious than we already were. and we lose all possibility to create long-term and sustainable contributions to our lives or the lives of others that resemble or show up in tangible form of our desires or life’s purposes. how exhausting! so, why do we want to be liked?
we want to be liked because we are lazy. period. standing in our own power requires disapproval of others — there is no other way to slice it. if we are all agreeing upon the same thing, there is something very wrong. we are each made like snowflakes — adding unique perspectives and personal truths to a larger sculpture. experiencing disapproval of others goes against our ego adrenaline nature, which ultimately and most intensely fears “being alone” or abandoned. and in order to stand in our personal power and truth, aka be authentically liked by the right people and for the right causes, we must absolutely die a million deaths of ego. we must risk our ultimate human fear: being all alone. with no one. and most of us are too lazy to risk this death of self (which, by the way, is an illusion). that is really the core of it all: we want to be liked because we are lazy, because we do not want to risk feeling all alone.
so based on the above bottom line alone, rarely do we dig ANY deeper than “I saw it on the news it must be true” or “but they have so many followers, so many people like them, I think I’ll stay with the group” or “I wonder WHY xyx person in my family does not talk to certain/other family members? oh well, they must just be crazy” or “I have always admired the work of this celebrity, it feels so good to be part of their energy because social media offers me that, so I am going to be a parrot and share their truth without any questioning of it” or “their kids are so cute, and they all went to ivy league schools, it’s obvious that they must be good parents!” or “I hate the way this friend treats me, but all of my other friends seem to like them so I will just look at the positives” or “every single person in this room is seeing blue and I am seeing red, but I must be wrong since everyone else is seeing blue”. you get the picture. we fear isolation and persecution. unfortunately, we are in a time and space where fearing isolation and persecution and being lazy about going near that fear will cost us our soul. when we give up our soul, we are not alive. we might be talking, we might be eating, we might be engaging, but we are not living. you can’t avoid your personal truth and be alive at the same time.
standing in personal truth requires trusting oneself enough to hear our own intuition without using a whole lot of logic. for example: early last year, I just “knew” on a gut level the outcome of the big election. it had nothing to do with logic (obviously, as we were lied to by the media repeatedly!), and it had nothing to do with personal desire (I bought all of my Bernie T-shirts and gadgets) — rather it had to do with something deeper. it was intuition based on removing myself from “facts” on TV or collective discussions where desperation was the currency, where opinions came from force and not power. and so I was one of the very few people I know who was not only not shocked at the outcome of the election, but fully accepted it because I saw it coming in advance and understood why it would “happen” that way. many of my friends could not understand my “prediction”, and I was flooded with messages the day following the election results. “how did you know!?” I was asked. I knew because I can hear mySELF. I am not immersed in collective opinion or “facts”. it doesn’t matter how it happened or why, I knew the outcome. a lot of my friends also did not understand my peace with the outcome. I was at peace simply because I understood it. this is different from agreeing with it. and when we can truly understand things, there is a peace and allowing that comes with that understanding, no matter what it is or what it looks like. again, this is all separate from opinion or “judgement”. and those of us who suffer the most over what we do not like, do so because we fail to hear our personal truth and therefore we do not understand xyz. the pain of not understanding things stems from the inability to hear personal truth, separate from the herd. and it is also in this way that we fail in life, because we can not hear ourselves, because we want to be liked.
we fail in life because we want to be liked. we ultimately fail, because being liked requires absolutely no source energy, whereas standing in our individual personal power requires the resurrection of our core aka source energy. and when we resurrect our core source energy, even if one person “likes” us for it, it does energetically outnumber thousands and thousands of people who would have otherwise liked us because they also wanted to be liked. yes — we each resonate with an energy frequency based on truth.
as we step into this new age of Aquarius (ok so even if you don’t adhere to astrology, I’m sure you can still note the truth bombs currently surfacing at unprecedented speeds, and Aquarius represents truth), the truth of the matter is that the truth will rise. and no matter where you are on the spectrum of standing in your personal power or truth, your personal power or truth is where we are headed collectively ANYHOW. wouldn’t it be much easier and more efficient to get off of the train now, and risk standing “all alone” in your truth, truly living, knowing that the end result will match where you are anyhow? because one way or another, we will be dragged to this realization.
finally, how we fail in life because we want to be liked: the tangible consequences of not standing in our personal power or truth, simply because we want to be liked/not “all alone”, include ventures that NEVER get off of the ground. they include dreams we have to launch xyz company that seem to go nowhere and we can’t figure out “why” (well, try questioning the truth — or all truths — around you for starters). they include authentic and sustainable romantic or deeply intimate (not necessarily sexual) partnerships that never get forged, due to an absence of core self. the consequences include stagnation, stuckness, and ultimately blame and then the cycle repeats itself. there is a reason that a number of people “make it to the top” of their field: they live in their OWN personal truth. they have risked “EVERYTHING” aka disapproval from others, even collective hate or resentment. they have questioned everything along the way, and rejected anything that was easy just for the sake of being easy. they have disassociated from others who have no sense of personal truth because they are too lazy to do the emotional work and have twelve faces at all times. they have been willing to be disliked. and the fact is, once we land in our personal power and give up wanting to be liked, we find all of the people who truly, powerfully and authentically not only like us but love us. this is when the foundation for our building of choice — romantic, business or otherwise — can be built. none of us will ever be perfect, that is never the goal, but we can be in perfect alignment with our truth and that requires risking standing all alone. we can not fail when we risk standing all alone, as in standing alone we will — for the first time ever — be standing next to actual people. until then, it is all a big illusion.