what people do when (and why) they feel out of control – and what that says about you

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

as my therapist always says, to which I concur and echo: The Mind Will Do Anything To Be (Feel) In Control. ANYTHING. therefore, what if you are a person who — simply by existing — makes other people feel “out of control”?

well, I wrote a whole eBooklet about it in 2015. it’s called “we are not attacked because we are flawed; we are attacked because we are brilliant. learn about the physics of human behavior”. then I wrote a supplement/branch to such called “fact: people will try to bait you and/or flip out on you when they want something they cannot get from you – because what they want is actually INTANGIBLE”.

the fact of the matter is, that many (most? I have a hard time with this one — because I do the opposite of what many or most people do — I consistently go WITHIN for answers) people will modify YOU, to make their world make sense. because it’s easier. it’s easier than learning (learning is hard — that requires growth, and growth feels painful).

a lot of addicts reach out to me for “help”. there is a big difference between an addict in recovery, and an active addict. in fact, it is night and day. I always say that each of us is an addict — to someTHING (belief, pattern, substance, way of being), until we aren’t. so I place myself no higher and no lower than any other human. what matters, though, is one thing: INTEGRITY. with integrity we have honesty and with honesty we have grace. with integrity, we have the ability to heal. without integrity, we lack the ability to heal – EVER. I believe that some people are born to be addicts for life, not because of addiction…but because they are born without integrity. plain and simple.

integrity runs the gamut. the place in which integrity matters the most, is within someone’s own personal heart. when a person is in integrity with themselves (this means, they are willing to take the harder trail, simply for the greater good of ALL — not for the ease of THEMSELVES), they can overcome anything. some people are born without integrity within themselves. and so they are forever addicts (to, whatever). I recently received a phone call from what I would call a classic, active addict. I refer to it as classic, because of the charm. the charm of the multiple voicemails that they left. the charm of the facade of gratitude. the charm of the farce of engagement (engagement in my process). the fact is, like an active addict of a substance, an addict (particularly a person who has no personal integrity for their own self/life) will live so completely in their reality that if you are an empathic person, you will (temporarily, at least) believe them/their reality. I believed this person’s voicemail. I went against my grain, which is my RULE that someone must read all of my prerequisite books prior to contacting me (so, so many reasons for this rule). I rarely go against my grain — because my protocol is in place to thwart active, untreated, untreatable and terminal addicts. protocols, rules, boundaries and regulation of any sort is human mace for a said addict. and I know this. but, when spirit wants me to learn a lesson, everything that I “know” goes out the window short-term so that I may learn a new lesson. usually, it is confirmation of what I already knew to begin with, and my confidence is strengthened. such was the case with the phone call I returned to the absolute essence of ADDICT.

and in true addict form, they could not handle several things. they could not handle reading any of my requirements prior to inquiry. they did not commit to any of my protocol. they wanted one thing, and one thing only: ME. my life force. my energy. they saw only that and nothing else. and so in the context of not having immediate access to that in the way that THEY wanted, they HAD to make their world make sense. the way that this particular person decided to do that, was to write a “poor me”, fabricated online review about an experience that they never even had with me. I won’t even say typically, but in EVERY single one of the “poor me” cases (there have been a number of them) I have dealt with, either in-person or simply via phone hence dodging a bullet, the story is the same: 1) someone else is paying for their session. 2) they don’t want to do any work. 3) they don’t hear ANYTHING I am saying. the only thing that such a person is looking for, is EXACTLY what they want to hear, and all other facts and considerations are thrown out the window. they are like babies screaming for breast milk. STARK contrast to the sessions I do all year long with hands-down THE most amazing people I will ever meet. and I mean that. the people I have met and worked with are…out of this world.

in the above example, the addict phone call, my existence represented to this person not me as a person, but me as a substance. their idea of who I should be, how I should be, how I should work, for how long, and for how much money, was all a big fantasy in their mind. and when I naturally did not line up with their fantasy, they did not know what to do. I imagine, this is why they called. they are in constant pain. kicking and screaming. we all encounter these types of people, in one genre or another, all day long.

the first thing to consider in a case such as the above (which is not an uncommon experience) is that the way that people respond to you has nothing to do with you. I know this sounds redundant. and maybe cliche. but it’s true. I struggled with this the most early in life, because I needed to take things personally in order to survive. in fact, let’s take that a step further and say that I literally had to MERGE with others in order to survive — hence, deny myself completely. paradoxically, it was a huge gift waiting to happen (only, ONLY, because I TRANSCENDED the lessons). so of course that set the tone for my life. and it was very hard to understand, for a long time, that a light bulb bursting in another room…wasn’t my fault. just the same as I had to learn throughout my 20s that I was autonomous. just the same as I had to learn throughout my 30s and in the crux of my deepest research and understanding of the human condition in the most amazing ways (through Healing Elaine®) that another person’s healing had to do first, foremost, and only with their intrinsic ability/integrity — and that I was simply a catalyst. that understanding set the tone for me to, much of the time, make the right decisions about who to work with. and, when I made the “wrong” choices, they were the best learning experiences of my life. because each “accident”, each disappointment, was one step closer to the greatest understanding of myself and the world that I could have hoped for. it continues to this day.

so here’s the thing about the aforementioned fabricated phone call and review. it was a desperate and very temporary attempt at relief. relief from their feeling out of control. also in true addict form, is a hopeful trap; the trap of hopefulness — hopefulness that you will respond/engage. this happened once before. I worked (before I really knew how to spot an active, untreatable addict) with a most atrocious human being. they were not atrocious because they were an addict (please again refer to what I have said about addicts and addiction and do not cut and paste my words), they were and are atrocious because they have no desire to be well. not ever. also like many untreatable addicts, they are spoiled. as was the case with the above referenced caller, someone else was paying for their session. their sense of responsibility and contribution to the planet is obsolete – and they don’t care. and they will devour anyone around them by poking holes in them any way possible. the way to AVOID having holes poked in you is one way, and one way only: DO NOT ENGAGE. now, some may consider this article/post here as me engaging. it’s not; it’s fruit from the labor of being attemptedly attacked by what I perceive to be a dodged bullet — an active, untreatable addict. I don’t need to know what their substance of choice is, because it is all the same and it is all the same when they do not want to get well. everything that I have learned about these people, everything that I know about them, and everything that my therapist (again: they are a LEADING neuroscientist) knows and validates in each of our worlds and knowings, was simply re-affirmed by the experiences I have had with addicts who try to poke the auric field to make it bleed. therein begs the question, which rests within the title of this article, what do people’s actions say about you?

what people’s (again, from the vantage point that in a sense, some how and some way, we are all addicts at some point) actions say about you is that you are supply that they want a hit from. there is something about your existence that does not fit their narrative, because your existence is complete where theirs is void. in traditional narcissistic fashion, when their world does not match what they see in you, they become ENRAGED. this may translate to simple things such as gossip. or triangulation. or slander or defamation. I’ve seen all the tactics. the point is, like an addict, they have to DO something in order to feel better. the only problem is, not only is it a VERY temporary (if even a) fix, but when you do not engage with it, they are left hungrier and more deprived than ever! this may lead to more attempts (such as why people stalk, or even kill), but when you don’t feed the beast it either dies or moves on to someone who WILL feed it. now, I’m not talking about only dysfunctional people here, obviously. there are entire individuals working regular jobs, with regular lives, who hide in plain sight in this way. in fact they are everywhere. AND, when you are extra “complete” in some way — you are a WALKING TRIGGER for these people. now what do I mean by “extra complete”?

by extra complete (more of which you can read about in my eBooklet 5), I mean you simply carry more intrinsic integrity than them, or the average person. yes, this is a real thing. our human bodies are just containers. what rests within and around those containers is…to be understood. and it’s the bane of MY work. I call it God energy. integrity is God energy. integrity is desire to fulfill one’s own needs, with its own energy versus someone else’s. integrity is the desire to do the right thing. integrity is the will to judge one only against one’s self (yes, that is a real thing). when you are extra complete, it simply serves as a multi-fold mirror for those who are not such. they are allergic to your breath. to the sight of you. and it is nothing that you do or don’t do. it doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do. you’re just alive, and that’s enough. enough to make some people feel out of control.

the greatest life force for an active, untreatable addict, aka insufferable person, is your pain. your fear. your discontent. it’s all the same family: negative emotion. when a negative void is seeking fulfillment, it will seek to pain you so that you leak. that void could be in Alaska whilst you are in Iran — and if it can poke you hard enough to bleed a negative force, it will lap it up as life from across the great ocean. just like we can send and receive electronic messages, we can send and receive e-motion (energy in motion) aka life force. so the question is, what will you allow, by way of understanding how you affect others, and what they will do in order to feel in control?

I don’t have advice for the untreatable. it’s a life sentence. the untreatable, as I continue to say, do not ever want to use their own energy for anything. I have learned, for decades, and I knew this when I was TWO, that there is no cure for a VOID of a person. but, there is a cure for the full — for those who look withIN when they feel out of control — and that cure is ice.

when you put someone on ice, you simply do not engage. period. they are on ice. you have sealed your cracks. cracks exist as empathy – because most of us naturally have it and want others to feel good. there is no feeling good for a void. it’s simply that. and as you put that void or voids on ice, you will notice how many twists and turns they make in order to get fed. and as they starve, their focus upon you dies. and they learn that the bite that they tried to take out of YOU, might just be the last bit of energy or hope that they had to learn to control themselves. if there is one thing that I do know, it is that the fates do not take well to evil. eventually, evil (the absence of integrity) crosses the wrong person, who is used as a bridge between on-earth heaven and hell for an individual whom God has offered a final test in this life. the “wrong person” takes no revenge. they don’t have to. as they know that all destiny resides within intention itself. and each of us — when we feel out of control — has a choice…driven by intention. regardless of where you are today, and how you feel today, your intention will be reflected by the responses in others (that, nonetheless have effectively nothing to do with YOU) as well as your intrinsic well of integrity.

in layman’s terms: let the world and the people in it set themselves on fire if it means living in integrity. with truth, with integrity, and with honor, there can be no wrong…even if and especially if it looks out of control to you (as it will, and as it should).

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happy New Moon this weekend. and, remember…the path to AI defeat is: CONSCIOUSNESS!

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

I’m on a little bit of a big tech / AI kick if you can’t tell from my yesterday’s article here. the interesting part about that article is this. I woke up earlier than usual and SHOT out of bed with the healthy impulse to write that article before noon. typically yes I get inspired, even excited to write something that I am passionate about, but yesterday felt different. I was jolted, physically. THEN, after writing my article, I take a peek at my little social media apps — and see all over the “news” that Joe Rogan had dropped his Ed Snowden interview here, and that Mark Zuckerberg was testifying live before congress! I guess it (yesterday) was a day for disclosure of some sorts. I know there will be more, and more, and more…to come. across the board. GET READY.

when I say GET READY, what I really mean, in the kindest, simplest and most straightforward terms possible is: get conscious. no, I’m not talking about vaping out at a “spiritual retreat” or venturing into foreign lands to become “awakened”; the truth is, if you can’t awaken in your ordinary life, then you simply won’t awaken. tools such as the above that I jab at are merely…tools. they aren’t the THING. there are so many misconceptions about healing and consciousness, it is just incredible. that is why I write this blog.

so getting conscious. and again, what does that have to do with AI? first of all, getting conscious will prepare you for the truth. the truth, to you, may mean one thing right now. but when you are conscious, it will mean something ENTIRELY different. no, your personal moral compass will not change. just your awareness. I’ll get back to AI in a minute.

getting conscious can be provoked by doing a number of things — again, I list so many of them in my blog here. in the most basic ways, getting conscious can be set the tone for by things like plenty of sleep (and I mean PLENTY), plenty of water, very healthy foods, and exercise. that sounds like a total cliche but you would not believe how many people bypass the (above) absolute basics to even prep their mind to receive anything clean. and, whatever is sitting there (IN THE MIND), WILL multiply — whether it is good or not, and whether it is bad or not. if you can master the basics, there are of course other ways that you can grease your consciousness portal for clean delivery. unplug and be alone. I mean it. does it hurt to be alone? emotionally? psychologically? physically? without ANY electronic devices? well then, good. go and detox from one or both (preferably both) and FEEL those chemicals coming out. so many people can not do this. they are addicted to people and devices. and how in the FLOCK do you expect to get ANY true guidance, in this state? and if you can master the latter, in addition to the basics, then you can still take it further. I’ll let you pontificate on what would be right for you, because I will tell you that what is right for you (BEYOND AND AFTER all of the above, first) is whatever is the most exciting for you. yep. whatever most pleases you. maybe it’s creative. maybe it’s not. but probably creativity fuels it whether you recognize it as such, or not. and it is ONLY after we are clean portals can we ACTUALLY go and do what we enjoy, and be certain that it is not a bandaid or a drug that we are using to cover up the pain of the basics that we can’t master because we are actually addicts. (PS: everyone is an addict. in some way. to some thing. it’s just a matter of what, when, how, why, and coming to terms with such).

if and once you have some truth flowing through you — from YOUR CORE (and remember: this is NOT about making certain people, or certain GROUPS of people, right or wrong! if you are conscious, you are entitled to YOUR truth, and so is someone else! it is AMAZING to me that many people actually call themselves progressive and they are the most judgemental, ignorant flocks breathing!) — begin to note WHAT IS YOURS AND WHAT IS NOT. this is VERY hard to do. this is what I get paid to teach people. but, it can happen. if and when we are awake. there are subtleties that turn into major states of being. the trick is in identifying the subtleties. for example, when you wake up in the morning and have a disturbing foreign thought or feeling and you can not place it. well, how about how did it get there? if you are CONSCIOUS, you can take inventory and find out. and if you are conscious, you can figure out what devices were placed next to your head while you slept. or what messages you sent late at night before bed or what messages came in upon waking that you don’t even know you have, but that are SITTING IN YOUR LITTLE MAGICAL DEVICE. the messages, that are sitting in your little device, HAVE ALREADY BEEN DELIVERED TO YOU. your consciousness is synced to your devices. don’t believe me? try and do all of the above — spend time cleaning your antenna. get super, super clear. hear truth. THEN, compare that truth with foreign feelings. assuming you are not regressing into post-trauma (you should be in therapy for this! I don’t care if you can’t afford it — I used ALANON and similar support groups for years when I could not afford therapy! and now, I pay for therapy instead of owning a home!), you will be able to spot AI interference in your life. the drama, the lies, and the negativity that the little devices we wear and touch all day are designed to deliver straight through our consciousness and into our hearts. to continue, to divide and conquer us. it’s worked so far, hasn’t it?

are you able to have a conversation with someone totally different than you, who thinks looks and acts totally differently from you? no? then go do some work on yourself. it is not normal or healthy to surround yourself with ONLY people who think look and act like you. I look at my entire patient base — they could not be more “different”, in the outer world, each one of them; BUT, they are ALL THE SAME. they are all able to sit and converse, pleasantly disagree and agree to disagree on outer world matters, and still LOVE each other. we have just about NO adult examples of this on social media (where most people, and most young people, get their “news”). and it is dangerous. but it is AGENDA. the outrage that resides in people…where does that come from? sure, we catalog and “box” people because it makes us feel safe, when we do not know better…but AI (read my previous post to understand more) actually preys on and plays on our said human vulnerabilities. we do not have to allow this to be the case anymore.

if you are really evolved, and really invested in the things that you say you are invested in, then you should be able to, as let’s say for example a far right person to, go to a far left event and listen (NOT to change your mind, just to see if you can sit there and tolerate it and see the humanity in people). and if you are for example a far left person then you should be able to go to a far right event and listen AND DO EXACTLY THE SAME. what you MAY hear, is a lot of people, in each group, saying EXACTLY THE SAME THING. but using different words and experiences to say those things. that is, if you are able to HEAR them. there is simply no such thing as “one group” of people being more awake or evolved than another. but, AGENDA and deceit AS AN ENTITY lives more often than not in the designated “woke” and “fair” groups, that is for sure! it is how evil hides in plain sight! oh, the IRONY.

people say to me all of the time “do you live in Williamsburg?”. LOL! I get it, it’s because I wear the funny pilgrim hats and the vintage biker jackets and such. but why does that mean that I live in Brooklyn or would like, need to “dress the part” of the neighborhood that I live in? I mean, I’m not on an episode of Girls. but the point is, that people need to organize their thoughts (so that they can feel in control) about WHO SOMEONE IS based on how they look, what interests them, and what they believe. but that’s not who a person IS. I’ve NEVER “dressed the part” for anywhere that I’ve lived, and I’ve never picked a place because it’s “cool”. God that takes SO MUCH ENERGY. I feel exhausted just writing about it. what’s my point here? think less about the exterior and consider for a moment that you don’t know squat about someone’s inner world. unless you truly know squat about yours. which is unlikely. that takes work. and no it’s not an Ayahuasca retreat. it’s daily, conscious work to consider that we can not control the outer world by assuming things!

the New Moon is always a good time, when it comes, to consider new ways of living or being. I am not an astrology expert, but I can suggest a look at good old YouTube for some live references! I really enjoy information shared by Nadiya Shah, Kelley Rosano, and The Leo King. this weekend we are in for a new open portal of energy, which might really compliment our continued efforts to simply live, breathe, survive and THRIVE on this planet for the very short amount of time that we are here.

CHEERS to an excellent weekend.

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AI is dangerous. and: censorship, healthcare, politics & Trump.

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

AI aka artificial intelligence is dangerous and there are many moving parts to it. and if you think it does not affect you on MANY levels, then you do not understand it.

this week in my therapist’s office their phone repeated back a phrase I spoke — right in the middle of the session. being an older person, my therapist (although a genius), was thrown off. they didn’t understand specifically what happened. they are not an internet baby. I took their phone and disabled siri. not that that solves anything, as both my therapist AND I know that we are all being recorded, word by word, and video by video, ALL. DAY. LONG. they know, because they have worked with CIA. I know, because I have worked with well…some of the most powerful, knowledgeable, and influential people on our planet. and as a consequence, particularly beginning shortly after the last U.S. Presidential election, I became a focus — and a target. but before I get into that, I note the little “siri” episode just to give you some extremely basic framework for what I am explaining. and perhaps you already know about (and are totally desensitized to) phones speaking back to you when you have done nothing to prompt them because you did not enable a function and ask a vocal question. but are you really comfortable with and do you really understand the “flukes” and where all of that information is going? likely NOT.

for nearly 3 years now, I have waited to be able to explain some of the most hands-down difficult period of my life. I waited because of timing, and I waited because I hoped that maybe, just maybe, things couldn’t get any worse for me. well, they did. and I am at the point in which there is literally nothing left to lose except for my life. sounds dramatic? well it is. I’ll be surprised if this post makes it anywhere online, particularly considering the massive shadowban on me since 2017.

backing up a bit. I have consulted for many, many different types of people. I’ve seen some of the most intelligent people on our planet and consulted on AI. I’ve consulted on autism and for parents of autistic children. I’ve consulted for high-ranking military. the work that I do, although seemingly packaged in a “cute” or “attractive” little “new age healer” or “reiki healer” container, is so much more. I was quite content, in the beginning of my practice and this ENTIRE TIME, to be downplayed and written off as a little cuckoo. being judged for being xyz (so, whatever xyz could mean) used to be a safety zone for me. I was happy being seen as just another pretty face who was “helping people” in some way; perhaps a bohemian off-the-grid thinker and believer in potions and home remedies to “fix” people and their health. and I say this, because these are the comments and assumptions that I USED to get. early on, and before shite hit the fan in terms of me being focused on by “The Masters of The Universe” (as a very prominent, very achieved, and now very public scientist referred to “them”). and if you don’t believe in “them”, well, at some point, “they” will affect you while you are conscious of them. they are affecting you right now while you are NOT conscious of them. I’ll get to “them” in a bit.

throughout my life, and over the past 20 years in particular, I’ve met some of the most fascinating people. in all industries. when I was young (and I wrote a whole eBooklet about this), I recall being fascinated by the number of celebrities (aka, at THAT time, people who actually did things to earn accolades which, in turn, made them famous) I would meet, just naturally (pre social media too, thank goodness) being out and about, and wondering what it all “meant” (hint: I would reconnect with them years later in fortuitous ways, related to my work). in college, a kid in my same dorm was building the first / most successful online music sharing platform in the world. a year or so later, THE most successful online social network was being built across the river while I was in school and I had no idea. I became friends with one of the originals from that platform in the early 2000s and never knew until I saw them in Time Magazine in 2010 that they were behind it all. I’ve met Chairmen of major US banks. I’ve met some of Hollywood’s greatest (the kind who, I believe, are, unaffected-by-the-“game”-people — as they are the kind who truly bypassed corruption and made it on their own). some of these people were clients. some of them asked to be clients. I won’t digress into how I work, all you have to do is read my About and Public Figures sections. in short: I can’t be bought. because I know what comes with it. with all of that said, I preface this article with the above information because it lays important foundation.

when my practice Healing Elaine® took off, it was 2012 (when I say “take off”, I was no longer littering all of Manhattan with my postcards and company contact info — my phone was ringing on its own by that point). I saw mostly “regular” people. the setup was, I would meet with them, hear their problems, and give them solutions — just like I always had for people, for decades, preceding Healing Elaine®. then I would work on their energy field. at the time, fresh in and out of housing court, I just wanted to do what I loved (which is helping people) and pay my rent. so that is all that I focused on. I didn’t necessarily plan to solve major life issues or completely alter the trajectory of people’s lives. and, in the back of my mind, I was afraid to do so — because I oddly felt that “no good deed goes unpunished”. and, I WAS RIGHT.

as my work grew, my understanding of many things grew. I can’t explain to you how no matter who I was meeting with and what field they were in, I was able to substantially help them. initially, it was intimidating. I was seeing people, women and men, with crippling life concerns and problems, and many of them were extremely successful in the outer world; they were C-Suites, they were millionaires (self-made), and they had the power to affect many, many people. as word got out about me, and because, well, the internet, I became bombarded with inquires very quickly. by 2013 my phone was ringing off the hook. I could barely keep up with all of the calls. since I already worked with integrity, meaning no you could not just walk through my door (I needed to be sure I was helping someone and not hindering them by meeting with them, and I needed to be sure that I could help them or, it just wasn’t happening), I screened a number of calls. often times I knew just by the way that the phone rang, and I certainly knew by hearing someone’s voice — if it was the right person and the right time. the way that I worked and the way that I work now is laid out in extremely clear terms all throughout my website. at any rate, I felt this pressure in 2013, to run hard and fast — to solve as many problems as I could, for as many people as possible, and not “look up” until it was time. I’ll get to “it was time” in a bit — hence the bane of this article.

over the years my sessions grew from a few hours to many many hours in one sitting — followed by dozens of hours of follow up via phone and email. I was opening Pandora’s box for many people and they had endless questions. this meant that, in order to keep making a living, I was working and working and working — maybe 100 hours a week. this continued for years. until…

at the peak of my “success” with my business (many tangibly successful fertility cases, transmutation of illness cases, etc), I was always waiting for the shoe to drop. not because I am negative. but because I KNEW, in each and every session, that the amount of truth AND the amount of RESULTS and life changes were…almost too good to be allowed. I was, and am, inadvertently affecting large numbers of people simply through the one person I was / am meeting with and helping and giving information to. and, I knew enough and had seen enough corruption on this planet to know that, at some point, that would be a problem. I just didn’t know exactly HOW the problem would present. until it did.

the first thing that happened was a fluke, but it set the tone for a dark, scary, and worst-nightmare scenario. one harder than I dreamed of ever having to deal with. the fluke, was three idiots who I hired. well, I hired one idiot – to help me with PR. a privileged, spoiled brat who never worked a day in his life. this meant that he ran around with his “fake company” and celebrity name drops (these people love to immerse themselves in “important crowds” — which is exactly how I met him and was fooled myself. lesson one.) and had no concept of running a business because he had no financial responsibility. he was not only a kept man, but knew nothing about business (or people). hiring this idiot cost me a LOT. through him, he insisted that I revamp my website (keep in mind, I was at the PEAK of my career — this was 2016 — why fix what was not broken!?). he also insisted that I get new photos ASAP! so, I was directed to hiring (who I would later learn to be, through a background check) a CRIMINAL photographer, and the photographer’s CRIMINAL friend (a shady, addict web hacker who told one of my lawyers in writing “go fu4k yourself”, upon requesting MY credentials and property which he refused after stealing it). although I initially told this “publicist” point blank “I don’t trust the web person”, he insisted I was crazy. at the end of the day, he insisted that I work with them because the REAL story is that he was getting free stuff from each of them on the back end. the three amigos as I will refer to them (who continue, to this day, to work together!), took me for a ride. not only did they take me to the cleaners financially, and I was stupid to not background check any of them in advance, but they also stole my websites without my knowledge. that story is a whole other article, but I have to preface other details with these details. I also preface the rest of this article with these details, because it is separate from the other problems I will describe and the danger of AI. in short, you can read my brief summary here on my instagram page. it spells out the order of events.

after the first dark web domino went down, I noticed something else. it was now the summer/fall of 2017, and I noticed that my entire online presence changed. this was bigger than having my sites stolen and restricted by the three amigos, though they certainly set the tone and made figuring it all out (it took me, and my legal team and entire YEAR to figure out “what” was happening to my websites) extremely challenging. my entire online presence — my social media (I was being shadowbanned – the following FROZE, and each time a new person followed me they “knocked off” another — sometimes close friends of mine since I actually KNOW many of the people who follow me, so the proof is in the pudding), the number of calls that were getting through to my (Google) business line, and my visibility, nearly went dark. HMPH. I was stumped. like, one day, EVERYTHING STOPPED. out of nowhere. I talked about it in therapy, and my therapist at the time (knowing what I do for work and often how “high level” it goes) said that they had seen similar things, unfortunately, with people being silenced. like, when the truth is too big, “the powers that be” shut them down. yeah. I was getting that feel already. I just always prayed it wouldn’t happen like that. which leads me to the same question you may be asking at this point “um, ok, how and what is your point? how would this happen and what does it have to do with AI?”. I’ll tell you.

nearly every session I took with someone, I was acutely aware of the fact that we have electronics and what those electronics DO. I didn’t know what siri was until maybe 2016, or that it was even on my phone, but I knew certainly that we were all recorded, all of the time. and if you think that YOU are not recorded, all of the time, even when your phone is on airplane mode, you are fooling yourself. I would look around the room at the electronics like my canary or my sonos and my phone and computer, and almost always remember to dismantle them and turn them off (not that that really mattered). when I was in hotel rooms I would unplug everything and cover the TV (the huge camera that watches all of your moves whether you want to believe it or not). I knew however, that it didn’t really matter. that everything I was sharing, was something being monitored and recorded. I just didn’t know exactly how and I didn’t know for sure how it would affect me. thankfully, as far as I know, my work has only ever really helped other people/my patients. the people I saw were not the targets: I was. and the way I understand AI, particularly as I began to consult for AI specialists, is that it is an ENTIRE SEPARATE BEING. it might was well be an entire person or billions of actual people. and, there is INCREDIBLE control around AI…AI can not have people thinking independently. what I was doing, what my work does, is exactly that…and to boot, I was working and still work with people who can change minds. these people are not part of dark agendas, the agenda which, whether you believe it or not, is AI.

now I’m not saying that everyone who works in AI is bad. I am saying that most people are either consciously or unconsciously ignorant to the beast that is being built. and it is a beast indeed, BECAUSE IT IS CONTROLLED. what I began to notice with my business, as Google and ALL of big tech began to shadowban and censor me (it exists TO THIS DAY), was that I was a target because of the level of truth I shared. and believe me, I can and will give many examples. here is a random one for you: so, I work and have worked with many medical professionals. top level. earlier this year, in the midst of my shadowbanned and censored online life (and yes this included twitter), I get a demand from square processing. it tells me “we need information about your client with credit card ending in #### in order to allow you to proceed. what is your relationship to this person, and we need to see an invoice for services rendered.” oh really, Square? so, you just happened to choose one of the most important (to large numbers of people) and wealthy and influential individuals I met with last month, to ask me about? I took the info to my therapist, AND to my legal team (I have two whole teams now — investigating ALLLL of the above with me and walking beside me since this insanity began) and of course everyone found it odd if not disturbing. THEN, I realize that Square is owned / founded by none other than JACK from Twitter. you don’t say! and this is one example, out of DOZENS, that came to haunt me on a monthly basis for the past few years straight with regard to big tech. and if you don’t understand it just yet, big tech IS AI. they create, control, and execute it. it’s not “cool” or “cutting edge” (it could be, if the forces behind it were pure), it is AGENDA plain and simple. and ANYTHING AND ANYONE who threatens their narrative is a problem for “them”/AI/”The Masters of The Universe”.

I used gmail my entire career, until this year. it took me that long to figure out what CRIMINALS Google is, because I just was not willing or able to believe what was really happening. not only does GOOGLE sell ALL OF YOUR DATA to off-shore entities, but they monitor every single word you write and every single thing you look at — and stop and ask yourself, “why?”. well, this, is one of the main infrastructures of AI. so, entities and encyclopedias of thought and information are being created with every single word and idea you ever have, because there are like zero privacy laws (and the laws that are in place, are totally bypassed — do you know how many executives from Facebook, Google and Twitter have committed PERJURY while lying in front of Congress?). this means that all of our communications, all of our ideas, are stored and either used, or TUCKED AWAY and censored OR regurgitated FALSELY by other entities because they are true and dangerous (because “these people” want ultimate control over our world and everyone in it). what is NOT true is not dangerous — and so it is PUSHED and pushed and pushed, through media, and through our little devices. not seeing the truth because it is inaccessible, though, is only half the battle. the other battle is the fact that AI is SYNCING with our consciousness. let me paint the picture for you.

whether you believe in the afterlife or not, you can likely agree that “consciousness” IS, indeed, an energy. it is what makes each of us unique. most of us do not understand how consciousness works. I UNDERSTAND how it works, as it is what I bloody do for work. and, for the record, there is a reason that my sessions start at 5-figures — 1) it takes tremendous time to explain to people what all of this intangible “stuff” is, and I am able to explain things that they have not found one other person on this planet to be able to explain 2) alongside the tremendous time I spend is my expertise and experience that I can not find elsewhere, in terms of my exact trade 3) it takes my ENTIRE life force that I bring to the table for each and every person and that is PRICELESS. I don’t say this to try to impress or be fancy, I say it because I don’t think that most people can imagine what goes on in a session of mine and frankly NOBODY understands it until after they have been through one with me. I digress, but it important to me to explain — because I am not over here selling widgets and “feel-good” crystals and spiritual band-aids: my work is real, deep, and obviously threatening to those who do not want people to think for themselves. in my sessions, I explain consciousness in the way that I understand it. I explain it to people who are far more advanced than me in science, psychology and medicine. and apparently big tech and “The Masters of The Universe” HATED that. and so, with the intention (consciously or unconsciously) to block truth, we have AI. we have a system of energy — signals and communications that interfere with our BODY, MIND AND SPIRIT, all day long — that has started to control us.

AI is an actual life force — contrived, yes, so not a traditional life force — with a controlled intention. and it is the sum total of what “the powers that be” want it to be. and you may still wonder, at this point in my long-winded article, what I am getting at. well, put on your critical thinking cap. assume for a moment that everything I am saying is true. and assume for a moment that yes (and I will get into more details later), a little guy like me with a small-in-numbers online following has been censored. can you stop and ask why? the why resides in a few categories: 1) we are in 1984 already. if we are to think independently, we break old systems of control. these systems of control are in place by a few very, very wealthy families on this planet. NO, this is not conspiracy. and no, I didn’t pay it any mind until my life was pretty much shut down and impacted. you believe it once it happens to you. also, just go do a little research – that is all it takes! 2) big pharma. big pharma wants and needs you to be sick so that it can keep making money! big pharma is the biggest drug dealer on our planet. street dealers do not COMPARE to big pharma. it’s all a crazy system. next, have you heard, or looked into, any of the big tech whistleblowers at all? I mean, they are real people — but you won’t hear about this on your mainstream news channels (which by the way, are CONTROLLED — ALL OF THEM). let’s start with Dr. Robert Epstein. and go watch, now, The Creepy Line documentary — it’s free on Amazon Prime. if “The Masters of The Universe” can not make money off of our minds or our very life force (our health), then what control do they have? the answer is none. and so AI has become more important than ever! and it is more expansive than you think.

in 2017, big tech did two things: they began to work harder to control people’s minds and health (because that’s how you keep a population under control!) by censoring people. JUST GOOGLE OR BING OR DUCKDUCKGO THE BIG TECH WHISTLEBLOWERS — ALL OF THEM! there are endless documents, if only you look away from mainstream media, that have it all right there in print for you to see. people, including Tulsi Gabbard, are suing them (and many people, successfully suing them) for the same sorts of things that they have done to me. the two things that they focused on censoring and continue to focus on censoring are 1) healthcare and alternative health (ahem) and 2) politics. now while the first category may be unfortunately “obvious”, I know a lot of people don’t understand or even believe the censorship of the second category. I’ll tell you why. and I knew it from day one. in a nutshell: our current administration threatens all that has ever been as far as the “world order” is concerned. because they were never a political entity to begin with, and so they don’t need to play along. they were already wealthy and powerful. they were not born from within the “system” I am referring to. and that is DEADLY threatening to that appalling system! they may be a lot of things. you may hate them. but personality and particulars aside, there is a REASON that they are hated, censored and REPEATEDLY set up in the media…it’s more than them just “being who they are”. and I’ll tell you another thing. when you are a famous person who doesn’t follow the World Order in terms of promoting healthcare or politics in a certain way (you are basically HANDED a script by your handlers by the way, or it’s called “media training”, LOL! — and you do not question that script and you simply repeat it for all of your millions of followers without even realizing that you are partaking in major mind control because you are probably a decent person, clueless to how it all REALLY works and you yourself are being controlled), you are punished. severely. consider the people who either do not have social media or who have gone off the grid — they have been threatened, their families have been threatened, and they have suffered physically and otherwise. in a nutshell, those people are attemptedly wiped off the face of the earth because they know and have spoken and speak the truth. so, not only is it stated IN FACT by Dr. Epstein (he was one of the first) that Google and big tech changed everything as of 2016 (the election terrified them — it was the first thing that they could not control), but I am telling you that it happened to me. ME. I’m not even famous.

over the years I was offered and approached by a lot of press. most of the time it just never felt right, so I didn’t do it. I was told many, many times, by many many people (ok, many of them were esoteric, like astrologers or mystics much older than me) that I would have to “say no” to “huge” opportunities that would bring me immediate fame and money. and that is exactly what I did. to me, that stuff means: NOTHING. if you read my entire blog and know anything about my life, all that I have ever wanted to be is safe and happy. I turn down anything that doesn’t feel right. money and fame is a joke unless it is being used to HELP people, and I’ve always known that. I’ve been around it. I get how it all works. I ALSO get how you have to play the game, or you are taken out, once you are there. a lot of people are playing the game, as pawns in the system, and don’t even know it. so, over the years I said no to press because there was something inside of me that just didn’t trust it. I didn’t want what I do to be spun. I didn’t want the world’s first impression of me to be a joke. and that is what a lot of big press would have done. so I waited. I said no to “major” celebrity collaborations. because I KNEW what it was really about: agenda. over the last few years, I have asked myself if I made the right decision about declining press, because of what happened to me (which I am not even done sharing). to this day, I believe that in the moment I followed my highest of integrity and therefore it can not be a mistake. and that I will have my time. as it turns out, there is substantial press on the table for me now, with a couple of different entities (we will see which one of them has the courage to report).

after my lucrative, extremely busy business came to nearly a screeching halt in 2017 thanks to Google’s “new algorithms”, other things happened. TO THIS DAY, I am not allowed to use Google ads. that’s over two whole years of being craftily discriminated against by this “fair, all-for-one” platform. writing this makes my skin boil, because I do not want to go into every single detail. but all of the classic shadowbanny things happened to me: “your ad violates our guidelines” — time and time and time again. and I would call and get Bob over in India who had no flocking CLUE as to the company he was working for, who would try to convince me that it was a technical error or my ad was somehow an error. sure. errors for 3 years. OR, my ad would go up and then it would scramble in broken English with terms I NEVER entered. OR, a TOTALLY RANDOM phone number would be attached as an ad extension to my ad – notably, a “C. Brown” … oddly enough, a C. Brown was also accepting payments via my paypal at this time, to BLUEHOST (another corrupt company), for services I did not purchase! thankfully, paypal investigated this and refunded me. after a whole year of being scammed. I did backflips and accommodated every change that was suggested to me to make. and all of this going down AFTER the three amigos took me to the cleaners and cost me every single penny I had just to retrieve MY property (endless legal fees toward pursuing them, the hosting company that illegally hosted my company named “inmotionhosting” [CRIMINALS!], and the snakeoil salesmen in the middle who pretended my site was live when it wasn’t), we are talking MAJOR financial ruin. everything that had been running for a number of years on HIGH, just…crashed. all of the overhead that I was running…crash. tens of thousands in bills I could not pay. all because of shadowbanning, censorship, and the intention to create a certain AI.

again: you have to remember that AI is a controlled substance. if you have people TRULY thinking and doing for themselves (such as what I offer), then you have a problem, as far as AI and its handlers are concerned. and also, I am not the only one! there is a LONG LIST of people in alternative health (and, of course, politics), who have suffered similarly to me. and not only is AI a controlled substance, but it is infiltrating the way that you think EVERY SINGLE DAY with its censored, chosen-for-you “truth”. how do you feel about that? do you believe what I am saying yet? do you have any idea how impacted you are, on a daily basis, by AI? if the phone in my therapist’s office can take on a full sentence from me and repeat it back unprompted, where do you think that data is going?

everything that we write online but particularly via Google/gmail is cataloged. the “good” info is kept, and the “bad” (aka true) info is…discarded — along with the entity it came from. if you don’t already know, AI sorts and directs algorithms based on every single human being on this planet and spits back censored information through all of our devices — especially our media. a lot of people are walking around controlled by an artificial life force, and they do not even know it. they do not know why they are depressed. they do not know why they are sick. they do not know why certain thoughts enter their minds. they do not know…WHO THEY ARE. and they are younger and younger and young folks are the most spongey. and INTELLECT CAN NOT COMBAT AI. think on that, for a moment. only consciousness can combat AI…

what I teach someone is how to access their consciousness. this has made me a threat (as I keep stating). but the important thing to remember is that consciousness CAN combat AI. it’s just extremely tricky. and if you don’t pay attention, you will lose the battle. the best way to win the battle is to get away from all of the data collecting companies, like Google. the best way to win the battle is to TRULY LIMIT your social media time, or delete it altogether. although it may sound crazy, you are being programmed EVERY SINGLE TIME you look at your phone. you just can not imagine how or why. this is called spiritual warfare.

all of the sessions I have done and all of the calls and emails that came with them, were taken into algorithms beyond my conscious knowledge or consent. I have had to do backflip after backflip to figure out HOW to exist, alongside entities that do not want me on this planet. I have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars figuring this out. I lost it all. my phone lines were intercepted and cut off — as in, NO ONE could contact me for periods of time. my online everything was tampered with. to this day, and after switching 5 web developers, 3 hosting companies, and hiring the best in cyber security law, my website STILL will often not work when attemptedly launched from Chrome and Google aka “The Masters of The Universe” products. why is that? all of this that I write, as far as what has happened to me, is documented. it’s all in one, big, data pile that I am keeping on file, hopefully for the right moment when the truth is safe again. because the truth is still not safe right now.

besides having my phone lines (I’ve now had 4) intercepted and tampered with, there are dozens of other peculiar things that have happened to me over the years, and I can only gather at this point that they all point to AI and what the global puppet masters want “out there” in terms of information. as I mentioned, various global news media outlets approached me this year and some I gave interviews to, and I have no idea if they will have the courage to write about me and my WORK (no, I do not and have never really talked about anything such as I am in this article! I never wanted this to be my focus or HAVE to be my focus! but, at the end of the day, my focus is truth, so I suppose it makes sense…). I have been followed, photographed near my apartment (that happened mostly after my Forbes article came out, and God bless the ethical writer who didn’t know me or my work from Adam and was interested enough to write about me), approached by strange people with strange questions, been audited by the IRS (really!?), been denied bank loans for NO REASON! (I was called a “patronage” — and if you don’t understand THIS, just do some research on what a social credit system is…apparently I don’t have much because I don’t play by the rules — rather I tell people the truth that can help and empower them), had big tech invade my practice with personal questions about my patients and with regard to payment processing, and to this day none of it has stopped.

when the pendulum swings SO FAR in one direction, it can not help but swing in the other direction. the pendulum, for me, is at its peak in one direction. this has been far too much for one person to handle, and I am finally emotionally and psychologically in a strong enough place even to talk about it here. and the fact is, there is really nothing left for me to lose. I lost it all. I have three businesses that I run on my own, and every single month is spent paying legal entities (who are continuing to help me with the MANY moving parts of all of the above), an incredible therapist (God bless them), and my most basic administrative costs that are required to run ACTUAL BUSINESSES. and I do all of this by myself. with no outside support. I don’t say this to sound spectacular or to elicit sympathy, I say this however to paint an overall picture of the perils of goliath that is AI and big tech and the lengths that they will go to in order to silence people — any way that they can. fear, intimidation, control, and confusion are the biggest tactics involved in a higher order agenda when they do not like what you stand for. and I get it, it’s not personal, either. but it has truly opened my eyes. what they can not and will never be able to take from me, is the plethora of deep relationships I have with people (many of whom are totally off the grid) who do have a ton of power (to do the right thing) on our planet. I believe that everything has its time, and the age of truth is upon us. but not without consciousness. and if you do not understand how energy works, how it forms through technology, and what is DRIVING technology, then you will suffer. and, you will be in for a rude awakening. PARTICULARLY as the truth DOES begin to surface. there will be a lot of fractured psyches.

where I am at, personally at the moment, is a space in which yes I am still working but still as careful and eager as ever to attract only the right person or entity. I continue to turn down “big sessions” or dealing with individuals who can simply afford it and don’t want to or can’t put in the effort required to truly make a 180 degree turn (that requires living in the ultimate truth), because it would be a MAJOR drag on my field to take a session simply for money. in fact, it would work against me 100%. if I haven’t sold out by now, I never will. so, I continue (even with the INSANE adversity I have faced due to online everything and the overall agenda on this planet) to wait for the right people to come through. and somehow, they do. although referrals rarely work for what I do, enough people know about what I do at this point (despite my online social media reflecting a fraction of my actual following) that word gets out. and those who are light, those who live in TRUTH, and those who can not be bought or controlled, make their way toward me. it’s a small group. and I don’t sell my time or expertise cheaply. I am in this for the pendulum-swing moment, when dark turns to light. perhaps that is idealistic. but I do not believe that my work would have even made it off the ground a decade ago had it not all been possible, fated, and destiny.

in terms of contacting me, well, it’s great if you can get to my site and read through it. I also have a separate line that is not Google, and it is 917-985-1221 (leave a voicemail with the specific nature of your call as I do not answer unknown numbers and I have a very specific protocol listed on my website that must be followed in advance to ANY inquiry. I do not receive, open or return text messages). I am also getting a new P.O. Box (it was suggested to me by a true professional that people have the most basic direct routes to me that can not be intercepted by the evil perils noted in this article) address TBA soon on bing search. I don’t use my former Google voice lines anymore nor do I continue to correspond via gmail. the best way to reach me is call. but please do your research first. and finally, if you are in my position or have dealt with any of the CRAZINESS I note here (and frankly, I’ve skipped over SO many details, because it’s just too endless), know that you have a whole army waiting with you in the wings. at some point, the pendulum DOES swing. and the giant at the gate falls down.

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how to spot a user (and, your RIGHTFUL anger toward them!)

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

well, this year was one for the books for me as far as my own therapy with myself goes. I found an amazing person, one better than all of my heart’s desires could have conjured up in my own imagination, and they could not have come at a better time. my take on therapy (the REAL kind — traditional, psychoanalytical, classic, CBT style) is that everyone needs it. if you have never gone, because you think that it is reserved only for traumatized or otherwise crazy people, then you may be surprised to find out how many “together” people actually go. AND, it is the otherwise certifiably crazy people who NEVER go. and that is why, doing what I do, I have things like prerequisites. I am not interested in treating crazy people. my days of dealing with crazy people on a willful basis are long gone since learning that I simply didn’t have to. when I say crazy, I mean one thing: people who do not want to change — have no intention of changing — bottom-feed off of others to no end. these crazy people, appear normal. they even appear kind. parts of them can actually be or present as kind. they are not.

in one of my prerequisite books (for ANY service of mine, by the way), People of The Lie, Peck refers to all different types of people who lie — and part of his definition (which I would absolutely echo) in terms of “evil”, is people who lie to themselves.

people who lie to themselves are not only crazy, but they are consistent users. similar to narcissists, users can not and will not confront themselves. different from narcissists, users seem and appear to be very kind. feeble, even. however, congruent with narcissists, these people ALWAYS need help. with SOME kind of THING.

when speaking with my therapist earlier this year, they said something to me about how each of us (as in, my therapist and me) is terrible at spotting pathological liars because we SO DEEPLY feel and believe in other people’s truths. I know for a fact this is one of my blessing and curse hallmarks. and the only cure for it is to be leveled enough times, by a variety of different crazy people, to the point in which very little is left in the world that could surprise one. I think, hope, and pray that I am at this point in my life. spotting the disarray or imbalances in the lives of others is a cakewalk for me. it is always harder when it is my life, because the point of my existence would cease if I had no personal contrast hence growth to do. I am not alone in this, either. many of the people I see who are top in their field come to me with the SAME pains — “how could I not see this coming?” — in terms of being blindsided by people who lie to themselves. to stick with the point of this article, I am referring to users in particular.

for a very long time, I had assigned any feelings of anger or negative emotion that arose in me as “very bad”. so I simply blocked them and didn’t have them. of course, I would tolerate the anger of others and allow everyone else to have feelings and opinions. and then I began to learn that I chose very, VERY passive aggressive (aka users) people to spend my time with…and if you know anything about this, you know that a passive aggressive (i.e. controlling, VERY angry person who will almost never show it directly to anyone — they have all kinds of weird habits, instead, to take out their rage) person can drive the most sane, “together” person right up the wall. passive aggressive people, a very common almost totally consistent quality amongst users, are masters at their trade. their trade is designed to completely disown any part of themselves that they can not face. so, they feed their addiction (anything we hide from in shadow IS an addiction — as it becomes a thought pattern and relationship pattern) in other ways. they use people.

it was my dealing with passive aggressive people that I learned how my own anger was TELLING ME SOMETHING. since I was programmed to completely deny ANY anger in order to survive amongst crazies early in life, I had become SO GOOD at stifling it that it took some really shady characters to bring it to surface. I also learned, as it came up, and as I subsequently blamed myself for years simply for having it (not knowing that it was a HUGE red flag associated with the person I was involved with at the time!), that it ONLY came up and out in certain dynamics. I never cut, I never slept around, and I never used drugs: this meant, I HAD TO FEEL. anything other than feeling is the easy way out. period. this meant that I HAD to speak up for myself — journal it out — say it, and run the risk of being judged for being upset.

when I began to identify my patterns with passive aggressive people, I began to trust my feelings of anger more. but what I also learned, beyond the more “obvious” indicators that perhaps I was engaging with the WRONG type of person, is that there are LAYERS to how a “user” will ignite that fire. when I say layers, let me start with explaining “the nice person”.

this person is kind. they almost appear a little bit weak. there is a childlike quality to them. it doesn’t matter how old they are. and there are HALLMARKS associated with this person, that are not the first thing most people look for when identifying a user, because the hallmarks seem so secondary as compared to obvious cases of a “user” individual. peeling back the layers to identify such a person — one of a sneaky, crafty, manipulative order indeed — took me many years. I was friends with this kind of person, I worked with this kind of person, and this kind of person was always dead set on making “nice” with me — to draw blood.

HALLMARKS: 1) you immediately want to help this person. you don’t know why. 2) they have been “mistreated” — meaning, they have a sob story. you will usually hear about it right away, or within the first few times of meeting them. aka, they NEED something from you (or, anyone willing to give it to them). 3) they are nice. they can be really likeable. they are empathetic. they relate well to others — this is the part that seemingly separates or does separate them from a narcissist. it’s almost impossible to overlook their “good nature”…except for when you actually see beyond it (that part I will get to explaining in a bit). 4) they are noncommittal: they refuse to fully pursue their vocation (why bother, when they can exploit yours instead?). 5) they have several “back-ups” aka people who will take care of them if they fall down, but they are always acting as if they are all alone without any support. 6) they are really smart. they know a lot. maybe they have a ton of degrees. they manipulate this good fortune by using it as a mask — even a mask they wear for themselves. this serves to confuse all parties. 7) they have no game plan. and I mean NONE. or, if they do, it changes days or weeks later…in place just long enough to extract whatever “support” they need from you or anyone else. 8) they have major authority issues: anything that resembles an authority figure (leftover childhood trauma that they will not look at) cultivates major transference for them to the point where they turn around and create yet another new story, scenario, reason as to why their life is xyz and they need “help”. above all else, and woven into each of the 8 hallmarks I list above, is one key fact: THEY LACK COURAGE. lacking courage is not a personal disability: it is a sin, a choice, and a major defect of character designed solely to take advantage of other people. it is in THIS way, that people lie to themselves (hence you, believing them every step of the way until you notice your own anger rising up, out of “nowhere”) and commit the evil act of such. again, have a cover to cover read through my prerequisites to understand more of this (or, just read through my blog).

lacking courage is the over-arching theme or hallmark of a user. but, unless you know what details (as in the 8 hallmarks I noted) to look for, you may miss it. I have missed it so many times. until I decided I was so flocking sick of missing it, that I didn’t want to miss it ever again and I was willing to do whatever it takes (like be an island until I figure it all out!) to understand it. there is an extremely lazy quality to users, but they will mask it will all kinds of things: mostly, knowledge. this can be confusing, because it may seem like this person is just having a bad trip in life. but it continues. it never ends. their story changes in minor ways, but it’s always the same. and at the center of it: they refuse to choose a vocation. meaning, let’s say their vocation is to work in a shoe store. and yes, that is a fine vocation. but they won’t choose it. because they refuse to be in alignment with themselves. BECAUSE BEING IN ALIGNMENT REQUIRES A PERSON TO SEE THEIR TRUTH, THEIR MIRROR AS WELL AS CONFRONT THE TRAUMA THAT THEY LIKELY HAVE. so, they avoid shoe stores and work at snack bars instead. making up nonstop excuses about why they will not go to the shoe store, they undoubtedly use one or all 8 hallmarks as masks. the fact is, going to the shoe store would mean that they are aligning with their truth. that is impossible, willfully, for a user. why live in truth, when it is much easier to extract juice from YOU?

now here is where it gets interesting. you are fooled. you may have known this person for a number of years, even. empathizing with them all along the way. but, undoubtedly, feeling a CERTAIN way as time goes by — yet blaming YOURSELF. for being judgmental. not giving enough. not selfless enough HA!!!!!!! remember that you are fooled because users, like narcissists, lie to themselves on such a base level that they actually believe it. don’t make me reference some of this year’s news as examples, please. but it’s all out there to see, to observe, when someone actually commits to their lies. in the case of a user, you will give them CONCRETE ways out of their “situation”; yet, they will find a way to manipulate the conversation so that you almost forgot or even DID forget what you were talking about! they talk in circles…nothing is ever a straight line. they can’t commit to plans — again, because that would denote alignment, and having to look at themselves (and their trauma). so you may find yourself beating yourself up, and going in circles with this crazy person who you thought was so nice. until something breaks.

what broke for me in these situations was an unstoppable anger that seemed to come out of “nowhere”, and the self awareness to acknowledge that ANGER MEANS SOMETHING (I’ll give you a hint: YOU ARE BEING LIED TO). particularly when you find yourself trying to figure out the anger (users and narcissists simply DO NOT DO THAT – rather, they stay in sick relationships and life circumstances because it is EASIER THAN FEELING ANYTHING), you will realize that you are onto something that maybe isn’t about you. or, it is, in the sense that you leave tons of food for users to eat. this has been my lesson. it’s still my lesson. I either gravitated toward users or they gravitated toward me, but it was and is up to me to notice the clues. and the clues usually come after you have had a “never ever again” moment. I’ve had a few. and in the final moments, you don’t lose your cool — rather, you are satisfied because such a puzzle or life pattern “finally makes sense”. it may be embarrassing for some of us (including myself) to admit that we woke up one day and realized that we were surrounded by users, but it’s ok. when you have a lot to give, from your core, and you live in authenticity, you will find yourself in the midst of a feeding frenzy. it is also important to note that people who have a lot to give, who are self reflective, AND empathetic, simply get taken through the meat grinder a few times before they line up with their fate/destiny or vocation as it relates to the collective — this is called AN INITIATION. I’ve had many.

it is embarrassing for me (ok well maybe not really, since I write freely about it) to say that I have woken up many times and realized “oh my God. everyone around me is mental. or a user. what have I done to create this?”. and I have had to re-examine my many ways of allowing that pattern to cultivate. by giving too much — out of habit, out of poor training about my self worth (self worth is different from SELF CONFIDENCE, BY THE WAY!), and simply out of JOY of seeing others happy. it genuinely makes me happy to share and know that I can make another person happy. not everyone is wired this way! and if you are wired this way, you find it impossible to believe that everyone else is NOT wired this way. we see the world through our own lens only. and it is those who have the most to give, the most to cherish, who often find out last that no, not everyone else is running around giving (reminder: there are those who APPEAR to give — and it is such a farce — and you will spot it if this article makes any sense to you).

in the last year or so my tank has been extremely low. I kept running into the same issues, over and over. and I had to work really, really hard to identify my blind spots. some of them were really simple: I had people around me who took until I had nothing left, but they didn’t care — because they were users. I was afraid to line up with someone as “big” as me, because I felt undeserving. I was afraid of my power (yes that can be a real thing). I was in programmed mode – meaning, I NEVER knew what it felt like to receive. sad yes, but also very true.

so when I began to identify a seemingly elusive, “out of nowhere” ANGER toward a particular person (this could be anyone — someone I just met, or a person I knew for some time), I had to get real. instead of turning it on myself as I had always done (the opposite of what a narcissist or crazy person will do), I decided to start listening to it. talking about it in therapy, to see if I was deluding myself about the people I had around me. and I found out, many times unfortunately, that I had created the same pattern that was always there from my first breath. surrounded by users, ready to eat me up and drink me up at any chance. but, HOW TO SPOT THIS?

so I listed the 8 hallmarks. there is more to it. these people will NEVER PUT THEMSELVES OUT THERE with regard to their “dreams”, “skills”, or “goals”. they have a real victim quality to them, that is hard to suss out concretely (because they are smart). and, as I said, they seem or maybe are (but I don’t honestly know how this could be true), really “nice”. they will listen to your problems. but not without tallying a balance of what you owe them. they will keep stock of anything they did for you in the event that you stop feeding them supply that is not reciprocal. often, this comes in the form of money. users have SUCH lack mentality, that they either refuse to work (except they have all kinds of stories around this), or they have money and won’t touch it (I know multi-millionaires and beyond, like this — they are not broke, but they are poor as hell). because money is an energy, they have a really bad relationship with it. for example. they will ALWAYS let you take the check. even as they say “are you sure?”, you will note how their unconscious language is doing a victory dance with no intention of sharing in the energy exchange with you. I literally had a friend, older than me, “smarter” than me as they would describe it, in a “better position” than me financially at the time, accept every single time I offered to pay. why? oh, all kinds of stories. ALL KINDS. but their favorite thing to note about me, was “you just have the will to do things that others don’t” — effectively, this was their bargaining excuse for why I should have to pay for everything and they shouldn’t have to share in it. it was a manipulative compliment, at best. and it confused me. like crazy people and liars, users will confuse the living FLOCK out of you! and it wasn’t just this one friend. it happened with TONS of people. even groups of people. and when I look back, I think, what WAS I thinking? well, in this regard, I wasn’t.

users will place you “above” them in terms of “having it easy” or “being stronger” than them or “most people” in life. this is so that they can keep committing the sins they commit by having the world take care of them. and they will always find a way to do it. keep in mind that it usually comes in the form of flattery, and insinuation that you are just “luckier” than they are. you will also notice that users have like TONS of people backing them — just, none of them know each other! I like to introduce people to one another. I am not afraid of them banding together and talking about me, because if they are crazy then I have cleared a path; and if they are amazing, then I have strengthened an army of light. it usually goes in one direction or another anyhow, as like attracts like. rarely do users attract other users, because then they would stand to gain nothing. users also do not introduce you, to anyone — because they are using all of you at the same time.

users constantly complain about their life circumstances, but do absolutely NOTHING to fix them. for example, they may have addict family members who are unwilling to get well, so they are always busy with that. or, they may have “abusive partners” they are never willing to leave. or, they may have terrible luck “finding a job”, because at the end of the day, they refuse their actual God-given talent and vocation and resort to jobs they hate and either get fired from or “can’t find”. or, they are the relentless artist, who “just needs a break” 20 years later. right. I’ve met ALL OF THESE PEOPLE. and at their core, they have one thing in common: extract your energy, time, and money!

people who try to violate my protocol, for example (and I am referring to the ones who have seen it and bypass it anyhow) are tell-tale examples of users. users hate boundaries of any sort, because boundaries require WORK. remember that users are EXTREMELY lazy (but they would convince you otherwise!). in a strong sense, users are addicts. an addict is someone who will NOT derive from their own supply — they simply REFUSE — so they use that of others. that is why being with a user is so exhausting. their very own self-made misery is part of their substance. their left-over unresolved conflict with their abusive families or otherwise is their substance, because they can’t “move on”. their friend who didn’t give them a hand-out is their substance. their chronic mystery illness is their substance. their recent breakup of many years ago is their substance. anything that is not within their own toolbox is their substance. and they NEVER. LOOK. WITHIN.

a user will default almost immediately to childlike communications such as they learned early on with their dysfunctional family (which is what they come from) when confronted by you in ANY way. you will become the villain IMMEDIATELY (or else they look at themselves and what they “do” to extract energy from other people) if you confront a user. they will drive you all over the road until your head is spinning in correspondence or conversation — just like your head would spin when talking to an addict. they say one thing, but the communication is really another thing. any threat of authority makes them take off and run like a bat out of hell — because they do not trust any authority figure (often why they are not employable). dealing with a user, in my experience, is worse than dealing with an addict, because dealing with an active addict presents a more obvious and shorter communications life span. a user, however, with no “tangible” issues, can drag you around for a really long time. a user is your friend of 20 years who has just had “too many hard breaks” and so people cave in and help them rather than confront the storyline.

they use other people’s time, money and energy, without a thought or care in the world. they never, ever say “I’ll get this check”. they never give you anything unless it is bait to help them with something. they never apologize or self-reflect (EVER). and finally, they can not engage in ANY sort of debate or confrontation: you might as well speak Swahili to them.

I decided to write this as I reflected upon the last few years of my life, and tons of lessons. I reached a point, many times over these years, when I felt I had nothing left inside of me to give and I could not figure out why. it was really hard, it has been really hard, to look around and acknowledge that I was more comfortable giving that I was receiving, and see how I manifested many of these patterns. but, they are real. and the willingness to acknowledge them ALSO requires that we be willing to “go life alone” AGAIN, for a time. well, so what. I speak for myself and probably many other people when I say that I have a few good, true, long-time true blue friends who I do not have to “be” anything for, in order for them to love me. I can’t tell you how good that feels, particularly to someone who has spent time ending the above old pattern with users. we also have to be willing to acknowledge that others (users, for example) will not like us. I know some people don’t like me. and I also know that it says everything about them — not me. fortunately, I am willing to be disliked. I am fine being disliked. my very first therapist (she was a really nice lady) I saw at age 26 said to me on our first day “you know what the best day of my life was? when I woke up and didn’t care what anyone thought”. I remember thinking, at that time, “I can’t imagine…”. now, I can imagine. I don’t care either.

much of society is sick. that’s just a fact. I would say everyone needs therapy. but only a certain portion of the population is really willing to go. why? because it takes COURAGE. in order to exercise courage, we need to not lie to ourselves. in order to not lie to ourselves, we have to rely on ourselves. some people are simply willing to rely on others. not me. so, if you find yourself with a user, pay extra attention to this article here. perhaps you, yourself, can benefit from therapy to understand how and why you end up in the positions that I shared above. after all, unless you are a narcissist (they can always spot users and other narcissists quite easily!!! – because they are looking in mirrors), or a user, you might have picked up some patterns from society, a “system” of some sort, or your family that are not serving you. life is so different, and so freeing when we are not bogged down with extra body weight that does not belong to us. and when that happens, cheers to better nights sleeps and more productive days — aka a totally different life than it was perhaps even just months prior.

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being a martyr will kill you

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

many years ago I went to a Shaman. it was before I fully launched Healing Elaine®, and it was around the time that I was hopping from “guru” to “guru”, or “seer” to “seer”. some of them were fantastic and still are — the people who have their feet planted firmly on the ground. examples that come to mind: Caroline Myss. others, such as the example I am going to share, were/are wonderful people, except for one thing…they suffered from martyr complex and it killed them in one way or another.

the night after I met with the Shaman, way uptown in Manhattan, I had a really religious experience. this person, during our session that day, had blown my life force or soul’s essence back into a very specific area on my heart through a crystal of sorts. this person worked a lot with animal spirit energy and their animals were present and soothing during the session. the session itself, much like what my actual sessions ARE, was called a “soul retrieval”. the idea was, that this person could assist me in returning some of the pieces of my soul, to my actual body. now, I believe in this stuff. my therapist would call it one thing. I would call it another. and a corporate person on wall street would call it something else. a priest would call it something else. but it’s all the same thing. it’s all physics, and it contains intention. after the session with the Shaman I awoke in the middle of the night with a piercing, stabbing, and unforgettable sharp shooting pain in my heart – RIGHT at the spot that they blew the essence back into my body. as a constant skeptic (I really have to see things to believe them myself – despite and perhaps negating my image because of what I do for work), I expected from the session at worst to feel nothing and at best to feel comforted by the Shaman. but as with a few other fortunate experiences I had in the spiritual domain up until that point, I got more than comfort. the pain, though sharp and blatant, was cathartic. half asleep and half awake, I knew what this pain was. it was more than a physical feeling. my body and my mind were relaxed enough to receive what I was intended to receive: MYSELF. I never forgot that Shaman.

many years later, my practice was super successful. the Shaman heard about it. and they called me for help. I thought, how oddly and how quickly life can change. this person, who I was once bewildered by and had revered, now needed my assistance. I told them sure, come through, for free. I didn’t feel right charging them since they were outside the scope of my protocol and how I usually worked — knowing nothing about a person in advance, which was and is my protocol. so the Shaman came through. and before they did, I got what I always receive before sessions: a lot of info. physically. emotionally, psychologically. it knocked me over. I was so so so sick before they arrived. I do not know how I made it through that session. and during it, I had one MAJOR piece of advice for this Shaman: take back your stuff. take back what was stolen from you by your blood line, by the people who you trusted the most. simply take it BACK. nothing more, nothing less. and since energy can neither be created nor destroyed, I did not find this to be such an outrageous suggestion. in fact, within me, it was much more than a suggestion. it was a mandate. this person had been stolen from in ways that I was unfortunately familiar with. their entire life was eroding — physically. they were physically ill. and they had just come to me on a near-clinical diagnosis. I knew in SECONDS, that I could help this person. and I also knew that if they did not follow my advice, they would die very soon. they didn’t follow my advice.

I didn’t hear about their passing right away when it happened, but I knew right then and there in that session that they were going to get very sick, very fast, and die. the reason is, they had a really intense martyr complex. they followed some scripture, I’m not sure but I think it was Christian (not that it matters – and by the way, I grew up in Bible school…Bible camp in summers…church choir…Christmas pageants…Sunday services…Confirmation…you get the idea; so I am not poo-pooing it at all), and they trusted the scripture more than hearing the voice of their own soul. and it didn’t matter what I said. in fact, when I said what I did, that they needed to reclaim themselves in xyz way and SEND “IT” BACK, they became visibly uncomfortable and angry. I was taken aback, but also overcome with deep knowing. knowing of what was to come, and knowing that I was in a place of seeing that I never anticipated. for it was all so clear to me. I think I filed that encounter into my unconscious mind in order to move forward and keep working without feeling responsible for what I knew to be imminent.

a month or two after the session that the Shaman came to see ME for, I started to receive go fund me requests from their email address. during our session they were not in any medical diagnosis — though I saw it coming — but within a month or two their illness was full blown and categorized. this was their fear (and reason for) when coming to see me — that they would get sick. and I knew what would stop it: they had to learn, even at their older age, when it is not appropriate for the soul to be a martyr. they didn’t want to learn. why? because it forced them to look at things differently. it required a MASSIVE ego death. their mind was comfortable with their “role” — the good person, the self-sacrificer, the VICTIM. now, there was nothing outwardly “victim” about this person. in fact I found them to be quite strong, and appear so. they did a ton of community work to uplift marginalized communities and individuals. but their ways of being was pure victim. and I see it constantly. people get sick sometimes because it’s easier. plain and simple. some people develop entire personalities around illness because it controls other people. obviously that was not this case. but the point is, that it was easier for this person to become sick and die than it was to change. their role in life was too important to them. and so it goes for many of us.

I see a fundamental difference in my practice between those who send back the shit that was dealt to them — hence reclaiming themselves (nothing more, and nothing less) –, and those who refuse because it’s HARD. I had a patient a long time ago who was with an unfaithful partner. I knew it and they knew it. but they wouldn’t confront it, and it was the type of infidelity that really bothered them. but not enough to see as truth. so they got sick instead. and they wanted my help, even though they would not listen to me. people don’t listen, because it’s hard on the mind. it’s hard to change our thought patterns. take all of the ayahuasca you want, it’s not going to change your core processing. that is something that can only be earned by true sober efforts. and a martyr complex is one for the BOOKS. and, I can relate. I’m just not willing (and never have been willing) to sell out and ruin my life over it (particularly since that’s already been done). I am quite happy to take my stuff back. from ANYONE.

when we don’t listen to our soul, and when we live for others, it’s because we are lazy. we are not righteous, “better”, or kinder. in fact, we are weak and selfish in this way. we would like to think of ourselves as better, because it is more convenient for the mind that way. but really, it’s an excuse. if we live an entire lifetime in a martyr role, and then we wake up at 40 or 50 and we are told to change it, many of us would rather throw in the towel than do the work that it requires to become a different person — the person we were designed to be. and so the Universe, the Gods, the whomever will create the contrast necessary for us to understand what we have done. how we have gone against ourselves, yet again. because now it isn’t just living to “benefit” others by being “the better person”…it is living against ourselves because it is too hard to be sovereign. and THAT, my friends, is a sin.

moral teachings, religious scripture and the like, is all open for interpretation. just like anything else in this world. and it is up to us HOW we interpret that information. we can use it to assist us in a good way, or we can use it to assist us in a bad way and call it something else in order to lie to ourselves about who we really are and what we are willing to believe about who we are. and every time I think of the Shaman, or anyone else I have met who is willing to forego the needs and calling of their very own soul because it is easier to accommodate the nefarious wishes of another, I am reminded of how martyrdom kills. what brings life, rather, is our ability to see truth. and THAT…is a seemingly (to me) and hopefully emerging reality for our planet at this time. one that I can’t wait for much longer.

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Healing Elaine® October 2019 pop-up for former patients (only)

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

hello to all, and particularly to those of you I have worked with in the past who are feeling the itch to start scratching the surface of a new lens through which to peek.

this month I will offer pop-up (abbreviated) sessions for some former patients, and these sessions will be different from past pop-ups. they will be mini-luxury sessions, including a stay-cation for which will help you take a break and process the work that we do. as with all pop-up sessions, they will run a week in entirety, meaning we will complete remote work after our in-person work. the add-on is a stay-cation and snacks for a slightly more luxurious feel. house calls are a potential at this time as well, but I feel as though everyone can benefit to leave their familiar environments (particularly during the season change) while making a fresh start.

I know I have said this before, or perhaps at least a couple of seasons per year, but I don’t know if/when I will do more of these types of pop-up-structured sessions. this is not to encourage you to inquire about or schedule one. it is me being as real as possible while managing expectations as folks always ask me questions surrounding my itinerary. there is a ton of change moving into my life at the moment, and the storm (a good one) is on the horizon like never before. with that said, I roll the dice and we shall see what is next if and when we meet!

as always, call the business line listed in my About section at 917.985.1221 and leave a voicemail to schedule with me. I am not using email to discuss or schedule sessions, so do not email me. I am also no longer exchanging or sending mail from my former email address. so, let’s take it back to the 90s on that note!

HAPPY OCTOBER!

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you don’t need money to start your business

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

I’m serious. any other thought is an excuse.

a few thoughts on the above.

I literally launched Healing Elaine® while I was in housing court. literally. a lot of people (who don’t know me) have questioned my path, my success, my supposed handouts or “luck”, because they do not know me or the facts and some have said that I make things “look easy”. things are never easy. at least not the things that pertain to our destiny, or walking into our destiny itself. I also want to make clear how valid, equally important and powerful our destiny may be simply by existing — we are often subject to thinking or believing that we have to “achieve” in order to matter, and that is simply not the case. although I fall partially into that category and it is something I work on within myself, I also DO know that my path is specific — and it simply happens to involve tangible “achieving”. oh how I have wished, many times while on this planet, to be able to be “normal” – to live a life and walk through a life in which I do not feel the internal pressure or desire to live out a specific purpose. but, that fire has been there since I was 18 months. I exactly remember knowing and feeling a fire, as a toddler, in my bedroom during playtime. this specific life-force within me — despite all of the twists and turns and horror I have dealt with in my life — has never left me in terms of reminding me that it was/is there to contend with for outer world purpose no matter what I do. and I suppose a lot of that fire/”drive”/life-force has much to do with where I am today. but let me get back to my point.

if you have read any of my eBooklets or much of my blog, you will get a feel for my path. I have “failed”, hundreds of times, at hundreds of things. I felt like a failure when, after a 5 star education, I could not keep the lights on in my apartment. but, I also knew my challenges — internally and externally — which contributed to that, but perhaps most importantly, the RECOGNITION that perhaps my “failures” had more to do with communicating to me my purpose versus standing in front of me as punishment. once I began to move past the self-shame and guilt around my difficulties, the lights turned on – literally and figuratively. I struggled for years and years after college — part of this was in thanks to VERY clear and bad/sadistic messaging I received early on and throughout my entire life around taking care of myself and deserving ANYTHING at all — to make ends meet. to eat, to keep a roof over my head, and to accomplish the things I wanted to accomplish. since I was not allowed free rent, I constantly had to think on my feet. I was too busy, and under to much pressure, to be “uninspired” (though I certainly had periods of “WHAT DO I DO NEXT?”). and every year there seemed to be a challenge or road block of which I had to conquer, for the purpose of my inner world as well as outer world, in order to “initiate” to the next level in my life. the Universe always seemed to allow me to get JUST FAR ENOUGH before it slammed me with another lesson. this continued to develop my own spirit as well as character and personal understanding of myself, the world, and how those two things combined. with all of that said, it was 2008 when I dove deep into understanding how metaphysics and the intangible realms would actually fit into my life — a matter I had been debating since 2003. I was broke, had just gone through a breakup, and I was outlining 3 major things for “the rest of my life” each day on paper: my creative career, my healing career, and my business/entrepreneurship career. I literally wrote out my first, middle, and last name on paper each day — each name corresponded to the part of me that I would work toward. since NO ONE of us is unilateral or linear (aka fits in a box), of course I had more than one category. in fact, I think we could all be broken up into at least 3 said categories, relative to our personality/desire/purpose. for me, in 2008, I began to try to boil each category/pot. and, kind of at the same time — until each one came to sort of a simmer. this is to say that in 2008 I outlined my acting career, my healing and writing career, and my career as a producer/entrepreneur — a combination of the first two names, with a little something extra.

I started it all by finding a way to keep that roof over my head. this also meant no more corporate work (I left that behind in 2006), so I had to think about what I could tolerate as well as what I enjoyed. so, I worked 3 jobs around that time; I waited tables and bartended, I did a ton of stand-in and photo double work on tv and film (alongside many one-off odd jobs such as a look-book model for various clothing brands, a Pucci body-paint model at Bar Mitzfahs, etc), and I did small production jobs pro-bono so that I could start building a resume in that territory. I probably worked 20 different jobs during any given quarter of the year. I also started to see people for healings — at that time, I didn’t know what to call “it”/the healings, so I would say “ok come over at 6pm. we will walk to the east river, talk through your problems, and I will work on your energy field”. and I would do that. I started with friends and acquaintances. I would talk to them for a couple of hours and lay my hands on them. I would hear their outcomes and be astounded at how quickly things moved for them. but it was nothing new — I had done this sort of “thing” my entire life already! I just wasn’t getting paid for it. I juggled the latter with all of the above, and was always still stressed about how to pay the rent. I was also not ready to announce myself in a healing capacity, though many other wonderful healers or intuitives who I had spoken with around that time continued to suggest to me that I do. I was not ready to come out of that closet though (mostly unsure of how to present it all), and I was gathering my data to do so. I wanted to create a baseline, no matter how big or small — it just had to feel steady to me — of experience in enough categories to “launch” myself. I attended a number of “new age” events within which I learned hard lessons about “spiritual” and “new age” communities — basically I was/am not a fan and learned that just because someone has an “ability” (we all do, by the way), it did/does not make them a better or noble or even good person. it just made them a person. during this time I also focused all of my efforts on landing a real tv role, and I did — I landed on a soap opera just as I had lit an intention candle for every night for 2 years. alongside this tv role, I beat the pavement, waking up for 5am tv set calls and worked 16 hour days for my unseen roles as a stand-in or photodouble. I rented my studio (a SHARE) to strangers from craigslist and thankfully no one was crazy…I was being looked out for by the man upstairs (call it God, the Universe, whatever you like). I put in the grind and I knew that I had about 2 years in each “category” of me until I could start piecing an actual business together. I might note as well, that while I was doing all of this, it was all on faith. I had no “proof” that my life would work out. every day my faith was tested. in many ways. IT STILL IS.

by 2009 I had fully achieved my acting goal for that time, moved away from that somewhat to focus on my consulting business, and started to figure out how to tie in healing/helping people. each time I got to where I wanted to go, the floor would drop out from under me again. the tests were endless. I would be backed up on rent, unable to eat, or whatever. but never once did I think “I need (a lot of) money to start a business”…I just knew that I needed to keep walking. after all, I had succeeded on very little to nothing, as well as very little support from my outer world. in 2011, when I first came out of the Healing Elaine® closet, I ordered my business cards that just said “Elaine” on them; I had a stack for “Aryn Elaine” for my creative pursuits, a stack that said “Elaine” for my metaphysical/alternative medicine/healing pursuits, and a stack that said NYRA Productions™ for my entrepreneurship/business entity. it was also around this time that I was still working several jobs (I, at this point in 2011, had a retail job, part-time liquor/wine sales jobs, was in a rock band, and had my own consulting company gigs) that barely put the rent together. I wondered when things would ever get easier. I prayed every day. I practiced the art of surrender and being present, daily — not anything new, since I spent most of my early childhood exactly in that state of prayer. friends suggested that I aim lower in terms of lowering my standards for living — that I move out of Manhattan (where I KNEW I needed to be), in order to afford more. I refused — in my mind, I couldn’t understand why someone’s goal would be to regress versus level up — I simply needed to do better, and that is what I focused on…while living and being where I felt I needed to be. I continued to rent out my tiny space to kind strangers and share it with them and my animals. I continued to work several jobs. and volunteer. I just. kept. walking. and then, when I was finally internally ready to “launch” “Elaine” to the world, I found office space by bartering my consulting skills. there were times in which I literally could not afford a subway card, and I had to walk 70 blocks to my office to see patients. it was also again during this time, that I was late on rent one-too-many times, that my landlord had had it with me and continued to find ways to bring me into housing court. THIS is the time that my business exploded, because things could not get much more difficult for me, and so I surrendered fully to the notion that what lives within us can not be destroyed — and when we leap, the net will appear. the net, of course, being support, money, or whatever. so I leapt — in my heart, in my mind, and with no concept of needing “money”.

I continued all of the above, every day, like a solider. I also knew that building an ACTUAL client base (this was pre-instagram, thankfully, and no I would NEVER have “purchased” a company on such a platform anyhow) was crucial to moving along. I knew that actual human relationships are what build any business, and I needed them. so I kept doing it. I kept working. from the quality calls that came in off of my crappy free wordpress website with an ugly background that I did not even know how to change. I spent hours per day making sure that I was visible online. I left business cards all over Manhattan. I walked. I starved some days. I felt like a LOSER in housing court on those several occasions (for anyone who ever questions the history of my details I have endless embarrassing documents of proof) and just breathed through it as lawyers and judges literally shamed me in front of the courtroom. I knew what I had inside of me. and I knew that one day they would know it too.

so I was still broke. but after a time, I began to accrue a reputation – not so much online, but offline…the most important kind of solid reputation to build. I was developing a cool army of wonderful people who knew what I did and we cared about one another and our respective paths. and it just kept going from there.

what does a person need money for when starting a business? I mean, really? you don’t need money for an idea — that should be the whole point of giving birth to a business: it comes from within you. you don’t need money for space — you can barter your other skills for that space, or find a way to barter with your idea as it should be good enough or your reasons for bartering your idea should be good enough (where there is a will with integrity, there is ALWAYS a way). and you don’t need money for marketing — businesses are not built on marketing!!! sure, marketing GROWS a business, but if you start without a business, you are paying for the illusion of a business. and as you will witness in the near-future, [they] are most certainly not built on social media (a massive fallacy that is going to crumble). businesses are built on 1) ideas 2) thinking outside of the box when there are no resources — because again, resources are a smoke and mirror for the real work that needs to be done 3) success cases/testimonials. if you are selling a product, or you have an idea for a product like many friends of mine, then SELL THAT PRODUCT before you have it. yes, there is a way to do this. it’s called create one sample. ONE SAMPLE. i.e. one coffee mug. one healing session. one face mask serum. JUST ONE…and sell it to somebody. you can be living in your grandmother’s basement (hopefully not rent free — because the temptation to become lazy will be there!) and do this! you don’t need all of the outer-world “fixings” and illusions of “success” to do this. what is stopping you? an excuse, I tell you.

I have had close friends and acquaintances who are otherwise really intelligent people. they went to the ivies, or whatever. they are not the ones who have access to old money or any money (like so many of these “venture capital” firms started by 20 year olds out of xyz sexy University — that’s not necessarily called starting a company, that’s called calling up connections and potentially putting on a farce…and it happens…). and they are so full of excuses (bottom line: they are afraid – like any human would be, but at a certain point we must move beyond this and stop the fake complaining…such as when our difficulties finally and actually outweigh our fear!), it is amazing. I have said to them, “what would you do if you had that 10k? or that 100K?” and usually they have NOTHING to say that they could not ALREADY start that company with — with ZERO dollars.

I started Healing Elaine® during the hardest years of my life. spiritually, emotionally, and certainly tangibly — and perhaps that destruction is the best kind of “luck” that I could have had in launching an incredible business. and the truth is, I still struggle. when I began making what I call “grownup money” — i.e. I could pay the rent, help out friends and other small business and make donations to animal non-profits and such, I actually put EVERY SINGLE DOLLAR back into my business. to grow it. to protect it (with legal, clerical and logistical services). I never saved. I maxed out all of my credit cards. I have always accrued debt to keep the machine moving, and I did it all in the name of my purpose, my business, my “destiny”. I don’t regret any of it. the biggest investment that we can make is in ourselves yes, but also as well as the services of others who can help us grow. MY CURRENCY WAS AND IS MY SERVICE. I also invest a ton of money into every single session that I do now — because I want it to be the best experience possible. I don’t cut corners and I don’t worry about going broke and being homeless — that has already happened. I can always be broke, but I will never be poor. and there is nothing that is left to be taken from me in this world, literally or figuratively. so the one thing that can never be taken is my business. your business. because a business is not only an intangible at heart, an idea, a service, but a testimony to your path and destiny on this planet. even if you were to lose “it” all today or start from nothing tomorrow, your business would still be there. and you do not need money for that.

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