scholarship program (name of program TBA): part of my life’s mission is to help those who weren’t born into the resources but simply need the match to light the fire of their powerful soul’s mission
toward the end of this year I should have a session scholarship program in place. this program will vet out individuals who are highly attuned to my website and services but who could not possibly afford to have a session. I am not talking about average working professionals, struggling to make it in nyc or the surrounding area. or people who have been simply out of a job for a while. there will be specific parameters in which this will function to truly measure those in need but not those who are needy. those who were born into a raw deal and who our planet needs NOW to assist with positive change. many of us do not know what it is like to be born truly without any resources. there are plenty of people who ARE going to make it, and simply need someone to help light the fire for them. I will not accept referrals for this program, I will have my own system in place which is similar to the one I have now. which is why I currently do not advertise, do press or otherwise sensationalize my sessions — it would attract the wrong people, drawn in by a commercial tone, and I refuse to sift through that kind of feedback. I will be accepting applications that will be somewhat in depth to triage the most timely sessions. I can not wait to be able to give back in this way.
when people and/or loved ones die, and why we feel like we went with them…sometimes more than a mourning – what is this, exactly?
we all have loved ones who die a physical death. some of those loved ones have a different impact on us than others; some of those loved ones were like our best friend, our kindred soul, our “other half”, our saving grace and so on. the nature and intensity of the pre-existing 3d relationship (which, by the way includes an automatic 5d relationships that we are either aware of or unaware of – most of us have no clue about the 5d or how our relationships correlate to it; here is a quick basic reference: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five-dimensional_space), will determine what we feel after the person leaves their physical body. I am not going to write about life after death/the afterlife and the purpose of this blog is not for debate on that, but rather a more scientific or physics-based approach to understand the human condition pertaining to human 3d physical death and close relationships.
I have worked with over one thousand people. on all subjects and matters. understanding, seeing and translating 5d and beyond information is what I get paid to do. whether someone understands “what” they are seeing me for or not. I am gathering that information from an intangible place, and looping it in with “facts” and “logic”. I digress. of those many persons I have worked with, some of their initial reasons for seeing me were related to a feeling of personal incapacitation after a very close loved one died. for the sake of trying to keep things simple, I will make references to two specific patient sessions.
person A is a brilliant finance professional. their job is to understand numbers and analytics. this person, like nearly all of my patients, is someone I would consider to be an “outlier” or Unicorn energy. you can see some of my other blogs in which I discuss this energy i.e. (why we are attacked). person A came to me with a host of concerns, all of which, however, seemed to present themselves after their very best friend in the universe died. person A had always been highly functional, social, well-traveled, and had taken care of their entire family and beyond. I would consider this person to be optimally functional in life. at the same time, person A’s energy was what I consider to be “off the charts”. the frequency of this person was so, so high. high to the point where if they were to drop to 1% of their overall vibrational capacity, they would still be higher than everyone else around them. what this looks like can as well be described in my blog (why we are attacked). anyhow, being the Unicorn energy that this person was/is, they met the only other half or what they considered to be EQUAL representation of their energy about 30 years ago. let’s call that person person A1. person A1 was a great deal older than them, but the moment they met it seemed as if they knew one another forever. it was a human connection that superseded what person A could understand, especially with their logic-based daily “purpose” and capacity. this connection was the most important of person A’s life. person A described to me what I know to be a *twin flame connection. this type of connection is described (and, in my opinion, abused in new age text, so be careful what you read) and understood as the other half or a strong piece of a person’s actual soul. if we are part of the general collective, it may be easier to find pieces of our own soul strongly reflected in others — because we are all resonating on a similar plane. but for person A, person A1 was also an “outlier” — a Unicorn energy, and it was the first time this person felt truly touched by another. this is very different from “feeling different” from everyone else – what this looks like is actually a template of energy that is so different from those around them, that it can be like finding a matching snowflake. so when person A1 died, person A went with them. what does this mean?
as I explain above, we are more than 3d. person A, being extremely analytical and fact-driven, was only consciously aware of 3d not 5d. the fact of the matter was, however, that person A and person A1 VERY much had a 5d connection and back and forth relationship. though it was not conscious, it was STILL HAPPENING in 5d. other dimensional fields are JUST as valid as 3d – which is the only field we can “see” or “prove”. and as humans, we feel that if we can’t see something it doesn’t exist. that is the level of our general collective consciousness. and it is fortunately expanding beyond that now.
due to person A’s lack of CONSCIOUS awareness of their 5d relationship to their loved one (bear in mind, their higher consciousness was of course VERY aware of their 5d relationship – this is why we have “strange dreams” and so on), a hysteria of confusion set in when person A1 died in 3d form. the hysteria of confusion was born from the fact that the DOMINANT aspect of their connection was, very much NOT, in fact, in 3d at all. but 3d is the basis of so many OTHER relationships. it was different due in part to the fact that their vibration frequencies were outliers – i.e. so different from the norm and so much higher vibrationally – to the point that they themselves in 3d form actually resonated at a frequency much closer to 5d than the average human. so that particular connection would have existed more so in 5d. the basis of it would have been way more from a 5d consciousness than a 3 consciousness. because person A was not yet cognitively aware of what 5d even was, or the fact that we can indeed connect to others in that way or how, a lack of info served as the initial part of heartache and pain. once we were a few hours deep into the session, and based on many intangible pieces of “evidential proof” (which is my job to present — to present the unintelligible and the generally inaccessible to people who have access to “everything else”) person A understood 5d and how their connection to person A1 had existed there. this cleaned up some understanding of much of the emotional pain that they were feeling because it helped to explain why it was so intense. then, I had to explain what was actually happening on a physics level — outside of consciousness on ANY dimensional plane.
the physics aspect of it included the fact that we all have cords. we are all made like electronics (read any of my blogs on cording to understand this better). so when we connect, we are actually corded to an energy. just like we can send a text to China, the only thing in between our phones are frequencies. when a human dies a physical death, we can still connect to that which we were connecting to THROUGH their human vessel in the first place. their essence. when we are over corded to another human and then they die, there is still a cord attaching us to the unseen dimensions. while this cord is active, and depending on how strong it is (for example person A and person A1 had one of the strongest connections two human physical beings could ever have – due to many of the facts I outlined above), we feel it until it is ACKNOWLEDGED and then released. the issue arises when person A1, for example, is still having a 5d relationship with person A. because they are not in a 3d state, they are not aware that they are only in a 5d state. and person A doesn’t know that they were ever in a 5d state to begin with. so, what happens is this: just like we would go with our friend to the grocery store, following them in 3d form, we are then following them everywhere in 5d form after they shift out of 3d form. that relationship or connection is still active, unless we appropriately release it or break up with it. again, this depends on the nature of the preexisting relationship. I have some patients who had horrendous familial relationships and those other parties died and the patient received some of the most tremendous relief ever – there are more factors involved as to why, and how much resolution they were able to get prior to the death, but it can work in a myriad of ways depending on that pre-existing relationship. when we follow someone into 5d AFTER they have left 3d and we do not KNOW we are following them, then we have subconsciously agreed to GO WITH THEM. this is akin to dying! person A described a horrific internal death. now, part of this was to prompt their own spiritual awakening and ascension process. but the reason itself is irrelevant to what was actually taking place. what was taking place was a serious cording issue. it is an issue when we 1) don’t know what “it” is and 2) don’t know how it works.
person A had an excellent response not only to the information, but to the uncording we did and the subsequent conversation. due in part to their incredibly high intellect and analytical skills, they were able to digest some physics-based research to support the information I provided in the session relative to what they were experiencing. for person A, science made sense. however, the physical symptoms they experienced while with me were undeniable. when we experience something we can not see, hear or compute, it is undeniable. there was a synchronous harmony to the “work” that person A and I did, and their 5d connection. there was not only immediate relief in the emotional and psychic sphere, but there overall life began to change as well as this event of person A1 dying served to ignite. this was a true gift of a death and rebirth for person A. it was a multifold session, as they all are.
in conclusion to my session with person A, I will reiterate that any relationship that we have takes shape in both 3d and 5d. and depending on the nature of that relationship, it will affect us vastly once one party leaves 3d. it is important to understand 5d and beyond. because my patient and person A1 were SO VERSED in 5d WHILST in physical 3d form, the gravity of their continued relationship after person A1 died in 3d was remarkable. a LARGE part of person A’s makeup, almost down to the physical 3d vessel, went WITH person A1 when they died in 3d. this isn’t incredibly common. but when it happens, it is one for the books.
person B was/is a corporate litigator. again, a person with a logical, analytical mind. likely no time for woo woo. in fact, I have no time for woo woo. it just so happens that I was made with a fabric that interprets and sees beyond 3d. I didn’t ask for this (well maybe in another life I did, I don’t remember asking for it in this life!) but I also couldn’t leave it to the wayside. it is now thankfully serving a purpose. anyhow, I identify strongly with the logical and analytic mind. which is probably why 99% of my patients are doctors, lawyers, bankers and tech developers. person B came to me with a serious health condition. I never know anything about someone prior to seeing them – in fact it is a request I make of them over the phone. the day of person B’s session, a part of my body felt SO intense to me. when person B came in, it was revealed that they were deep in the throes of a nearly terminal illness (right where my body was acting intensely) — for the second time in their life! after some intuitive digging, I made an immediate connection: the initial illness that was “beaten” came at a time when person B’s B1 (B1 is the person close to B who died) got very sick. as soon as person B1 became ill, there was a direct impact and correlation to person B. and a few years later when person B1 died, person B’s nearly terminal illness came back — at a 3% chance of recurrence! first, I had to find out who person B1 even was — because this was NOT the reason person B came to me in the first place. but, my intuition told me that the nature of person B’s relationship to person B1 was the root cause of their “illness”. (by the way, illness and disease happen to different people for DIFFERENT REASONS – that is another blog). the purpose of person B’s illness was actually to identify it’s cause — and transmute such.
as I was sitting with person B I felt a very strong tie to person B1. no, I do not talk to the dead. at least not in that way. but I knew immediately that there was a direct connection to their relationship with person B1 as far as their “problem” was concerned. the case was that person B had a lot of unresolved conflict with person B1. person B had pedestaled person B1. whitewashed them to the point of not being capable of doing any wrong. they were also overly corded to person B1. person B1 was hinging upon and from person B’s energy field (see my blog on cording and such to explain how people can feed off one another — dead or alive by the way). so, when person B1 got sick years ago, SO DID PERSON B. when person B1 died, SO DID PERSON B. person B described feeling overly responsible for the death of person B1, and that is (not ironically at all) when person B found out they were again facing a terminal illness. with a less than 3% chance! obviously there was something deeper going on here. this is what I like to refer to as spiritual crime-solving — finding out why something like this is happening. person B was not meant to die, but rather to resolve their relationship to person B1 — because it was STILL continuing in 5d! like person A, I explained to person B the mechanics of 5d. person B understood the physics of such, because every time I explained something their body would go off with confirmation signals. these are the 5d pieces of communication and “information” that we get when we are overly logical and nearly refuse to make sense of that which we can not see. there was enough confirmation for person B to “buy” my rationale, and so we continued on with the work. from a strictly psych standpoint, I was able to see the true nature of the relationship between person B and person B1, and I could see that it actually was NOT all roses. and, because it was not all roses, person B made an unconscious agreement to go WITH person B1! person B even stated out loud “I vowed out loud at person B’s death that I did not deserve to live any longer”. so now we had two things going on; 1) person B was over corded to person B1, and person B1 was still feeding off of person B in the ethereal or 5d realm! and 2) person B didn’t know what pieces of that relationship needed to be resolved, and person B also didn’t know that there was an ongoing imbalanced relationship occurring at that very moment in 5d! like person A, we cleaned up a lot with info and understanding. I treated person B as if person B1 was still here and we worked through the nuances of their relationship. it made such clear sense to person B that person B1’s illness and death had a direct correlation and red flag message for person B. the fact that person B’s illnesses were timed so perfectly gave person B chills. we cleaned up person B’s old interpretation of their relationship and were able to look at the cold hard facts of how things REALLY were. in addition, person B’s new understanding of 5d too them to a place where they were able to treat their CORDING to person B1 as if it were occurring in the 3rd dimension. like person A, the next day person B felt tremendous relief from the relationship that was still going on, but was now healthy and actually acknowledged in a higher dimension.
there we have two different people (both over the age of 45, by the way) with two completely different backgrounds and two different genders. each person was unaware of 5d, and how the death of their loved ones continued to carry on. I consider this information vital. we all “lose” people in 3d, but the thing is that we don’t lose them at all. and until we understand the nuances of 5d world and our respective relationship to said 3d dead person, it may torment us. we may feel like we are mourning more than we should be (when in fact yes, we are mourning more than we should be because we aren’t really missing them – we are missing the piece of ourselves that went with them!) and we may feel like we are not fully present — which we can only regain by understanding where and how we exist at all times. we are more than 3d physical matter.
DNA means nothing. don’t be tethered to the “story”. also a note about the most “successful” person I ever met…
when I read *Elizabeth Gilbert’s post on “tribal shame” (link is still available online if you keyword her name and those keywords), I felt a few things; relief, connectivity and permission. when I work with people, I find that most of the time all they are looking for is PERMISSION. what this looks like is an unhealthy connection to someone else’s story or a group of people’s story about what their life is supposed to look like because it somehow supports or validates the story of the “tribe”, and the desperate need to not have to live in validation of that story. they think they are trapped. they think they are not “allowed” to be a separate entity. because people (unconsciously, usually) play a specific ROLE in their biological family’s infrastructure, when one person shifts OUT of their role (mediator, scapegoat, bully etc), shit falls apart. the old “tribe” is shaken and they are forced to look at themselves in a new light. which they abhor. it is akin to building a skyscraper and then removing part of the foundation; it falls down a little bit and has to be rebuilt. and generally I find that people REALLY hate the truth and being forced to look at their own truth because that would require a lot of work. when we step out of our “role” in the immediate or extended family, most of the people who are super cozy in their role can not handle it. they insist on, no matter what, still seeing us in the same light (or lack thereof) that they always did — because it serves them to not have to change or look at themselves.
our DNA actually changes. it changes with thought, it changes with food, and it changes based on our immediate environment and the changes we make with it. personally I do not believe in “disease xyz running in the family” because it is all thought-based. (*ENERGETIC CORDING is a very important topic here as it relates to DISEASE). you are not that other person. the DNA of our blood changes. we are all separate entities working together to create harmony or not. but we are indeed as individualized as we decide to be. I have worked with MANY illnesses including cancer and even mystery illnesses, and they ALWAYS show up as a connected thought pattern back to a family member versus “it runs in my blood” (my blog on illness is coming separately) when we go to heal that disease.
let me tell you about one of the best people I ever met. this person is a really talented artist. this person grew up hopping from place to place to place with a single parent. obviously there were good parts and bad parts, but this parent was not willing to be honest with themselves — to give up their over-identified “role” in life. the role was so deep that this parent could not even acknowledge it. the rest of the biological family was also deep in their roles. interesting to me is that there was no covert or physical or verbal abuse; just the obvious challenges that would come from being displaced so many times and not being honest to by others. however that was enough for this person to give their entire (even the ones who didn’t hurt my patient, but were guilty by association) biological family a huge kick (WITH LOVE) to the curb. this person recognized right around their *saturn return (key time in life) that the “tribe”, though once connected via “DNA”, would only keep them exactly where they were in life because no one was honest with themselves. this person was not seen for their truth and so they lovingly but concretely separated from the entire family. when I met this person, I was first amazed at their COMPASSION. the realization that this person had about “this is just what it is, they were never going to change, and I had to choose my own life finally at 29” was almost blindsiding but most certainly refreshing to me! usually I have to spell out to my patients how and why to establish boundaries and cut off certain relationships. not only was this person so super loving and compassionate, they were also not dissociative in any way. they had actually processed the disappointing parts and let those relationships die and was simply able to see them for what they were versus trying to obtain what they were NOT. this is different from being bitter and angry and bolting the door shut. this person had closed the door firmly, though, and felt that if/when anyone wanted to step out of their role, then perhaps it could open. but my patient’s matter of fact understanding about people’s dependency on their role and that of my patient was pure money. as soon as this person went on with their life with their family of CHOICE, their life exploded in a million different brilliant directions. to this day this is the or one of the most “successful” people I have ever met.
personally, there have been people in my life who think they have some kind of birthright, because we are “related”, to treat me in any way they feel like treating me. I have been horrifically gossiped about, shamed, lied to and so on. the best worst is how I struggled for many years (read my other blogs) to create that which I now have career-wise. not once — not even once — have I heard “congratulations” or “tell me about your work” or “what did you go through” from these people. initially it was downright shocking. back in the day, I left my corporate job to get myself on a TV show. I did this knowing that we are controlled and run by multimedia, and if I could establish a connection to a network or two, I could come back and present my “message” later as I would have a platform. well after 2 years or so of struggle, hustle, renting out my kitchen to roommates and working many odd jobs, I landed that popular TV show. CRICKETS from some of the people I speak about. to this day, it is not even MENTIONED. odd, right? you would think everyone would want to know about being on a fancy TV show! as in what were the other people like, what were the dressing rooms like, what did you go through to get there, etc. nothing. silence. actually, someone said to me verbatim: “it’s a bad economy. people do not want to hear about other people’s success. keep it under your hat” – in reference to me posting on social media as to when/what time I would be on TV. later on, I launched my own production company and again struggled repeatedly knowing virtually no one in the business and nothing about it. when I was in housing court after getting screwed over on producing a film, the only thing I heard from these people was a warning to not stress out other family members with my issues. when I came out of the closet with my healing work, that was most interesting. it was and still is the closest thing to my heart in the entire world. because it was such an intense time of change in my life and I felt like it was my biggest excitement yet, I thought maybe there would be some interest. zero. folks wanted to know two things: how many people did I see per week and how much did I charge. I thought with my empathetic side which said “maybe they just don’t understand it…go easy on them, these are really cutting edge crest of the new wave subjects and maybe they don’t know how to talk about it”. nah. I was gossiped about and called crazy for doing my work. some folks smiled to my face. the others thought that I attracted equally crazy people (for the record, I treat some of the most on paper high-level people one might imagine – ranging from finance to tech to medicine) and that what I was/am doing was/is a joke. I would also like to add that I realized that it will truly never, ever matter what I do. just like when Oprah built a girls school in Africa, there were actually people who had the nerve to be in an uproar over the fact that she didn’t build a boys school and didn’t care about boys. same idea. you could be the juiciest mango in the world and there will still be people who hate mangos. I would also like to add that nearly everyone else in the “tribe” was exchanging “major congratulations” over their 9-5s or what you might even call unremarkable achievements. I use the word unremarkable because it was part of the script, the plan, what everyone expected. when we follow what everyone else expects or is comfortable with, there is nothing remarkable about it. in my opinion. (and no, I did not put myself above anyone because I felt my focuses were remarkable — I was barely keeping my head above water just feeling good about myself because of the rejection and worm tongue and two-faced energy I was dealing with). I wondered if my endeavors were more “safe” or mainstream, if I would have been more “accepted” – no. that is again searching for acceptance that will never happen because of the new role I have chosen. the pushback and hurtful (it is only hurtful if we choose for it to hurt us, in the end) behavior of others only makes me work harder. it has an opposing effect! so point blank, and this is where a lot of my forgiveness comes in, these characters are actually helping me to succeed! the fuel of hate and fear can most certainly be transformed into love and drive.
we get so caught up in the societal conditioning and lie that we are heavily tied to our DNA or our family of origin. people stay trapped in awful life cycles and dynamics and never break free because of this lie. it isn’t even true on a scientific level! so why should we buy into in on an interpersonal level? the way I see it now is, if someone treats me well I will welcome them into my life. if someone doesn’t treat me well or respect me at an appropriate standard I will move them off to the side. I don’t care WHO they are. but as a society we seem to struggle with this and stay trapped in roles that play out again and again in the workplace, friendships, romantic partnerships and so on — all because we are buying into the lie that our DNA matters or “family is everything”. no one should be pedestaled because of whose vagina they came out of. NO ONE.
when we begin to feel the freedom to authentically BE who we are without the desperate and fearful definitions others have created for us, our lives can really blossom and open to beauty. this has been a conscious choice for me. there is so much GUILT attached, for so many people, for simply taking care of themselves and not engaging in unhealthy “family” behavior. so, they stay in it and try to “work through it” and then they wake up with a life threatening disease later in life. what a waste of time. if folks aren’t good to you now, they will never be. listen when someone tells you and watch when someone shows you who they are — and this is WAY DIFFERENT from forgiveness, which is an important and active part of the process (another post on that) — it will never get better than what they tell and show you. so make your choice accordingly.
again I refer to *Elizabeth Gilbert’s piece on “tribal shame”. there are physiological and biological reasons that biological families cling to their immediate members and “blood relatives”. it is more ego related than anything else. and it certainly isn’t healthy. unless they themselves are healthy and treat you in a respectful, healthy fashion.
tethering ourselves to some “story” because of another “story” about what DNA actually is or means is such a waste of time. it has no more meaning than the meaning we give to it. if you are having trouble with this and want to break free from disrespectful relationships that you don’t feel you can leave because “you are related to them” or “they are family”, ask yourself what that really means. who has conditioned you to believe you are controlled by that type of energy? what right do you have to not be happy and respected? ask yourself what it REALLY means. most of it is controlled conditioning that originates from ancient carnal and primal needs when offspring and the like were needed to help provide for the tribe. we aren’t there anymore. decide what story you want and let go of that which does not serve you. DNA means nothing.
“ascension” in my experience and opinion, after processing both my own and then spotting and working with that of thousands of patients, is that of the intangible bridge between 3d physical tactile human “self” and the 5d intangible unseen higher self. it is through the higher self or intangible realms that we receive signals (read my piece on frequencies and vibrations). just like a computer, cell phone or piece of electronic equipment, we as humans are made of transmitters and receptors that mirror atomic patterns, grids, templates and so on.
the people I see range from C level executives who run major companies in finance, law and technology, to single mothers on welfare. more often that not they are in the first part of the range. the ONLY reason they are reaching out, despite how it has manifested itself, is due to their MISSING BRIDGE BETWEEN 3D and 5D. as I explained in the previous paragraph, this bridge is missing due to access to instant gratification and instant everything. “instagood” — what does that even mean? maybe I’m out of the loop. but that stupid hashtag in and of itself when I see it is vomit-worthy.
as we have become CUT OFF from our bridge to our higher self and the ethereal realms (which connects us to ALL THAT IS – it gives us that INNER SENSE of purpose and fulfillment, even if we are bagging groceries at a Walmart), we not only become more robotic but we also begin to suffer physiologically because the planet itself is EVOLVING. we can also call this ascension. what does this mean? think of other planets or galaxies “lightyears away”. it is often explained that we get our technology or technological innovation from “lightyears away”. if we are paired with an aspect of science that is “not yet here”, and it comes from higher realms which we are also simultaneously CUT OFF from due to the fact that is robs us of our need to be connected to 5D plus, HOW are we supposed to also ascend or evolve!? the earth is moving beyond 3d right now. but our instincts and demands are ONLY IN 3D. this is a huge problem. because we are cut off from that which we can not see or hear (since we are also relying on it so heavily!!). this is the point where spirit meets science. when this happens, we are forced to either A) ascend or B) crumble and die. what does this process look like? it looks like the requirement for our 3D bodies and minds to match the realms in which we are communicating VIA 3D (an iPhone or computer) but do not KNOW we are relying upon. since we have stopped using our INNATE internal computer systems of intuition, meditation, prayer, telepathy and so on, our 3D vessels are downgraded to strictly 3D. but what happens as the planet itself is ascending? we become BLOCKED. this is the number 1 “ailment”, by the way, that people call me with. “I feel blocked and I don’t know why”. Harvard educated executives, doctors, scientists and so on. people with “all of the access” in the world have virtually NO access. because they are exposed to the tiniest portion of what they need. or none of it.
what has happened is their antennas are shut down. when we stop using the very human atomic fabric that supports our IDEAS that then translate beyond 3D, there is no bridge. a few gifted individuals have had the capacity to access or channel that bridge from 3D to 5D+, but their work alone has satisfied billions. the rest of us don’t need to think. or so we think. when we remain in a strictly 3D state but we are made with access to much more and we are not engaging with it, we become “BLOCKED”. this blockage is serious. it is first standardized in that we don’t know it is even there or in need of being tapped into. it is second realized when we get sick or face a life crisis and don’t see how our physical choices (food, exposure) additionally block this bridge. for some of us, that block is forcibly removed because it is the plan of the planet to ascend — and without the ascension of it’s inhabitants to move from 3D to 4 or 5D, it will die altogether. another blog would suit “who” and “why” moves out of 3D and deals with ascension symptoms. right now, there are millions of people facing ascension symptoms and they have no idea what they are. those who are able or willing to look “outside” the box, or who are tuned in for some blessing of a reason unbeknownst to them, are dealing with a classic “ascension”. otherwise known as when the physical 3D body attempts to bridge with the 4-5D+ energies they are connected to but not using. what then happens is their bodies begin finding a bridge to the other dimensions. since the energy of 4 or 5D+ energy is much higher, when it attempts to reach or reaches the body, the physical body goes into shock. when that bridge is established, it is like a signal being sent from lightyears away to the body and it can take days, weeks, months or years to register. again, for the sake of focus, I will write another blog on human evolution and “why” some people wake up to the idea of ascension and others do not.
I remember my first wave of accession. it was 2003 and it happened to coincide with a spiritual awakening and ego death. out of nowhere, I was getting severe vertigo. I had my first and last ever panic attack. the difficulty with this wave of ascension was mostly the vertigo. I’m going to leave out many of the psychological or emotional symptoms and focus on the physical here for the sake of, again, focus. I could be anywhere, and out of the blue I would be hit with total vertigo. it went on for a few years. it would happen when I was driving, when I was at dinner, or when I was cooking. it didn’t matter. it seemed to die down for a time and I didn’t battle too many, if any, health issues. I think I also always just had a knack for knowing that diagnoses were bullshit and that everything came/comes from the mind anyhow. so perhaps I didn’t focus my attention there.
in 2008 I had my second wave of very strong physical ascension symptoms. I didn’t work for 6 months or so. I could barely leave my NYC apartment. one might ask how to survive this way, when you are not blessed with a trust fund and you can not leave your apartment! well, I will share the pragmatic aspects of my journey. It was the fall or winter of 2008 and I had just been “let go” of a TV job (another blog post! as it was SUCH a blessing I was “let go”). the feeling of overwhelming self preservation became apparent and then engulfing for me. I was nervous to work, because I felt that if I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning I would ruin my job. I felt overwhelming exhaustion, fatigue, and the need to just lay in the fetal position for several hours per day. my nutrition was being forcibly changed by an outside force at that time too. I couldn’t get by on the crappy food or drink I was used to. my body was in need of pure substances and life. the need to be alone was shocking. I was used to being a social person. but during this time, I didn’t want to see anyone. the message to be alone and not leave the house was profound. I knew I was not in a depression. I knew it was just “what I needed”. I had to think hard so that I could survive in the physical world. I had never applied for or accepted unemployment prior, so I did that. I was surprised at how much money I could get every week! because I was working in entertainment at freelance, I could genuinely be looking for work and also collecting unemployment. I also worked craigslist roommate finder like a beast. I met some of the best people who I am still connected to to this day because they were one month roommates of mine. I split the rent with them and rented out my little futon in my upper east side studio apartment. this bought me time and reflection. if you are living in NYC, or anywhere for that matter but specifically a place that is high rent and overhead, I highly recommend renting any part of your home that will hold a human body. was it ideal? no. did it beat eviction? yes. did it beat having to stress out about how I would wake up in the morning and possibly have to cancel a job? yes.
I spent most days in the park. I would wake up at 8am, go to the bodega with my coffee, and try to ground myself. just that alone took a couple of hours. I knew that my job at that point was to simply connect with my core. my inner voice. thankfully social media was not yet a cancer then. I was somewhat distraction-free. mid or late day I would go home and eat a sandwich. then I would see if I had enough energy for hot yoga. hot yoga changed my life, by the way. this is the nutritional part that SAVED ME during the ascension symptoms. it saved me and upgraded me because it kept my field and my antenna CLEAR. this is the very connection that was trying to be made between my higher self and my 3D self in the first place. this attempt at connection is where everyone I see is/was stuck. everyone. they neglect their health (no, eating “organic meat and dairy” does not help, in my experience) and do not work out properly. the hot yoga served as a serious detox for me, ridding my 3D vessels of the toxins that blocked the connection to my higher self. or the realms where we actually use technology. I recognized that once my body was more “ripe” for a higher dimensional signal, there would be less resistance then thus less health/mind difficulty on my part. I became a beast of routine with detox, meditation through reading and quiet time with no electronics, and of course vigilant protection over my housing. on a practical level, I can’t stress enough the importance of making sure you are covered so that you do not have to move in with your parents or have someone take care of you. I can guarantee you that will send you right backwards. it is a slow death for MANY reasons. most of them intangible.
when I got a grip on the vertigo, how to organize my health and how to stabilize my living needs, I felt a bit better. it took nearly six months though, before I felt like I was hitting new ground again. then a huge job came in for me and I knew it was a sign that that I had transcended an old reality and was clearly tapping into 5D on a physical and conscious level.
as the months and years went by, I continued feeling the various feelings you can find when you just google “ascension symptoms”; vertigo, fatigue, nausea for no reason, night sweats, etc. I learned to just deal with it and not freak out as if I had some health condition. people are overwhelmingly locked in fear right now around health — doctors visits, specialists, “experts” and really misdirected diagnoses are very often replacing what is a simple ascension symptom. and yes, it CAN go on for years. so, what do you do about it?
we either ride the wave and accept it, or we change a thought or belief pattern. that is where the psychological component comes in, and I describe that in my piece about spiritual awakening. I decided to accept my ascension symptom flow. it is different for everyone, but since 2012, I see hundred of people locked in full swing with this. a major part of assisting with these symptoms is diet/nutrition/exercise, another part is AWARENESS AND INFO (such as I am sharing) so that one does not think they’ve gone crazy, and another is personal work — the necessary shifting of beliefs or thought patterns that have been there for years. I see this most often when I work with cancer patients. yes, people who have stage 3 or 4 cancer. and it never fails, the fact that they are simply in an ascension and need to be doing something about it. the other way I manage my symptoms is knowing that they will never stop forever. sometimes, out of nowhere, I get a crushing headache of migraine proportion. because I am in tune, however, I know it is not “just a headache”. I recognize that I am getting a stronger bridge to 5D or whatever realm is necessary to keep me not only surviving but THRIVING on this planet. and I am, indeed, thriving. because I feel amazing. ascension symptoms and all.
sit with your symptoms. do what is best for you. do not feel you need to follow a “logical” or socially acceptable way of living just because you are experiencing something that others are not. if I listened to the well-intended advice of others during my difficult time with these symptoms, I would barely be alive in any sense of the word. this is a personal experience and you have to decide what works for YOU. this is why I listed my experience with renting out my kitchen floor to pay my rent!
if you are experiencing very uncomfortable ascension symptoms, I hope this post helps you. look up other posts or pieces of info on ascension. it is a real thing. if your friends or colleagues think you are nuts, don’t share it with them. I promise you that a few tweaks and changes and you will be able to manage this. you are not alone. and those of us who are willing to wake up to this reality are best served. we are more than 3D physical matter.
a take on addiction you likely have not heard before. the blessing and curse spheric energy is alive and real. mostly the blessing part.
I see and treat a lot of people with addictions. not always substance or drug. gambling, eating, sex, and so on. whilst I have not experienced one of those addictions, I would say that my addiction was to knowing. to knowledge. to analytics. to FEELING BETTER through KNOWING. which I am surprised never manifested into a physical addiction. but for whatever reason it just didn’t. I joke and say that I was too broken to ever chase a high. BUT it doesn’t make me any different. or better. or evolved. or whatever. because I still fought a battle of PATTERNING – which is also the essence of addiction. so I can relate.
every time we pursue an addiction, we are seeking connection to source energy. if you haven’t noticed, we are more than physical matter. we are 3d, 4d, 5d and beyond. we get our technology from beyond. source energy is all that feeds life. it creates life. in it’s most pure state, it feels like ecstasy. it feels like unencumbered peace. orgasm. when we achieve this state through a third party activity or focus, and it encompasses us to the point where we fear never reaching that state again because it feels like breathing, we are addicted to the idea that we can not get there ON OUR OWN. and, since the natural process to reaching that path on our own would have to — for ANYBODY — be an actual spiritual awakening, that path is robbed (but also spawn!) by said substance or activity. and the labyrinth through which we inevitably have to meander without bartering with the universe becomes more foggy. it gets put on “hold” when we are in an addiction. but that labyrinth is, no matter what, the ONLY route. it is the honest route. the made route. the route with staying power of integrity. because we have done the worked and earned being there, unlike visiting via the shortcut. when our addiction creates a shortcut, the natural path is eclipsed. hidden. making our spiritual awakening that much harder than if the addiction was not in place. YET also magnifying the victory of the awakening. the pain is relevant to the imminent pleasure. it’s really all relevant. but for the purpose of this post I want to focus on the beauty and gifts that addiction can bring.
we are not attacked because we are flawed; we are attacked because we are brilliant. learn about the physics behind human behavior.
do you receive a polarized response from the humans you encounter? if so, they are responding to your light – not the absence of it.
ever since I could remember, I was a target. a scapegoat. a whipping boy. (read the definition of whipping boy!). I knew no different and it carried on throughout my entire life. for years I carried the burden of believing that there was something inherently wrong or flawed with me. so, I settled. a lot. I settled in friendships, I settled in relationships, I settled in all aspects of my life. I never felt comfortable with my “peers” and was often outcasted. or very admired. but usually outcasted and betrayed and bullied even by those I befriended when no one else wanted to have anything to do with them. I always felt the outsider.
as the years went by, in my early 20s, I began to meet people who I did not feel the outsider with. now, this didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. because “on paper”, I had nothing to offer them. the people I felt I didn’t have to do anything other than breathe around to be accepted happened to be super accomplished individuals. famous athletes, singers, public figures of all sorts. men, women, young and old. for some ODD reason (or so I thought), I could be in a crowd of 100,000 people and these people and I would make eye contact and talk. like we knew each other forever. this felt extremely odd to me. because, if I could not fit in with my “peers” and struggled my entire life to feel “normal”, why were these very over-the-top individuals so EASY to be around? I felt normal. accepted. uplifted by their energy. I battled understanding A) why I kept drawing these people in and B) was this simply my ego, excited to spend time with well known people C) why all insecurity went out the window when I was with them. there was a drastic difference in the way I felt physiologically around “these” folks versus the ones I was “supposed” to fit in with. now, it is not to say that the ONLY folks I felt “normal” around were of this public figure variety. not at all. but there was a common denominator amongst the ones I met and how at ease I felt, every single time. I began to journal about these experiences to understand what was happening. as I spent time with these folks, I understood that they, too, felt like pariahs their entire lives! some of them didn’t get as much “hate” as I seemed to get, and some of them had very supportive and “easy” family lives, but their soul existed in a longing-for-more state. no matter how many fans or public support they received, they still felt “different”. and there were holes in their hearts. nothing could make up for this feeling or take it away. what they were indeed experiencing was a massive variance between their energy/frequency point and that of the collective norm/others. that variance created the feeling of contrast, hence the perception of extreme separation. these people were what I later considered to be “outliers”…with that, like all things, came both blessings and curses.
there is no shortcut out of an ego death. there is no shortcut out of a dark night of the soul. there is no stopping a spiritual awakening. the only way out is through, so stop resisting.
before I begin to address the above subject(s), let me start by saying that it is important to me that no one confuse any actual mental illness or chemical imbalance with what I describe in this eBooklet. often times, particular “awakening” phases can mimic symptoms of true mental illness and it is important to know the difference. symptoms of a mystical/philosophical variety and actual mental illness can “look similar” and at the same time there are DISTINCTIVE differences. and, many people who are mentally ill or who do have a mental illness are characterized by denial – even and especially during full-blown symptoms. if you are having ANY experiences that affect your ability to function in the outside world for days at a time, i.e. sleep, eat, and socialize with others, and/or if you are hearing audible voices or feel paranoid, it is very important to consider a consultation with a good psychiatrist. you may just be in an awakening process, you may in fact have a chemical situation in your brain that needs support, or you may have BOTH happening at the same time! so, that is to say that NOT everything you are going through that could be considered “bizarre” or “unique” is in fact such; classic mystical and philosophical states have their own category outside of a mental health condition and you have to know how that may or may not apply to your overall condition. this is a very tricky territory for some people to navigate, especially since the “intangible” or “mystical” is typically faced with complete intolerance and indifference in the medical community, and my heart goes out to anyone in a position where they actually need treatment and medication. I cannot imagine the added difficulty it presents for them. sometimes a massive awakening presents as a one-time psychotic break that mimics an illness yet it is not an illness. many times, however, a psychotic break is the indicator of the onset of a life-long condition that needs attention.
one of my major goals in this life, especially during this time of awakening on our planet, is to provide support for distinguishing a spiritual awakening, ego death, and/or dark night of the soul from an actual mental health crisis. in doing so, the actual mental health crisis – whether separate or accompanying the processes I describe here – can perhaps be addressed in a more cutting-edge and more powerful/effective way by medical professionals. many of the medical professionals I know personally who work at a high level in the fields of psychiatry or psychology are actually sensitives/intuitives themselves, and they have been forbidden to go near esoteric subjects from the time they were studying at University. introducing the esoteric or intangible to the science and medical communities has proven extremely difficult in mainstream medicine and psychiatry. fortunately, there are brave souls and doctors how have put their reputations on the line and broken the mold. I am excited because more and more of these special individuals are coming forward to help bridge the gap. the stigma around mental illness and chemicals in the brain is still awful, and treatment measures could and will be a lot better than what they have been up until this point.
I also want to state that I, personally, have no history of mental illness. while I enjoy/ed reading scores of books on various conditions and discussing them with my friends who were/are mental health professionals, I never experienced what I know those who suffer from actual conditions experience. however if I was, you had better believe that I would be a major personal public advocate for mental health based on my own story. if you are suffering chemically, please have a look at amazing, inspirational people who have both accepted, addressed and overcome the challenges they have been presented with. here are two to start with, Miss Elyn Saks, and Miss Eleanor Longden.
there should be NO shame or fear around chemical matters of the brain, yet shame and fear seem to permeate so many beautiful and talented humans who do experience chemical imbalances in the brain. I will do my best, with my various sensitivities both emotionally and physiologically, Bridging the Gap Between Medical & Spiritual™
most of the people I see are in the middle of one of these three processes. depending on the person, the process will move “fast” or “slow” – and time is most certainly an illusion during these phases, so it might as well be irrelevant to discuss time. everyone wants to know “how long”? “how much longer do I have to go through this”? my answer is always the same: how much longer do you want to keep resisting?
until we surrender to the throes of something we don’t understand, haven’t experienced before and cannot control, we will remain in a painful state. which is the whole point of visiting that state in the first place! we were brought there to surrender. this is not something that humans typically do well. we are raised in a culture of control, and now more than ever a culture of instant satisfaction; instant knowing. instant controlling. this is not how the internal human experience is designed, though.
since the below post I wrote on my Energy Medicine & Reiki Therapy by Elaine Facebook page was so popular, I decided to post it here and elaborate a tiny bit on it: when we dim our light we pay the consequences. when we are slated to advance/grow/achieve something we have been focusing on, we will often “eject” or notice an eviction of energies around us. this is to ensure that we are surrounded by and fortified by our OWN resonance and not using our energy to lift the heads of others around us who are leeching off of us in some way. however, what is always protection often looks exactly like rejection. do not get it twisted! the Universe will orchestrate a series of events to solidify our field and better acquaint us with the vibration that matches where we are going. it will use whatever measures possible to make sure that people who are not willing to match us, by doing their own personal work, will be evicted from our field. our day to day correspondence. our thoughts. even our life altogether. trusting in the divine during this process is so important, because we will often go through self blame or a pity party of sorts. we should not do this when we are indeed being protected! our dreams or prayers are being answered, but we are resisting them because we are in fear of what others think. we dim our lights NOT because we are humble; we dim our lights because we are afraid. we are afraid of being “the only one” which equals being alone (a human’s biggest fear, bigger even than death), and we are afraid of being attacked (which reinforces the fear of being alone). take responsibility for dimming your light, and ask yourself what would happen if you did not dim your light. what might happen? if we can not deal with the consequences, then therein lies our inner work!! here is the post from this past NYE:
HAPPY NEW YEAR. as we move into this entirely new year which is a mountain peak we have not seen before, I would like to reiterate a message to my Unicorn-energied friends. do not fear your light. do not let others’ fear of your light allow you to resent your light or pull back. what do I mean by “light”? I mean your truth. your passion. your happiness that you shine at random moments. your good days. your excitement about your future. your success. and so on… there are many layers of initiation to where many of you are ultimately headed. those with broad (and by broad I do not mean more important; I do not diminish or distinguish narrow purposes from broad and iterate importance or lack thereof between the two) purposes often experience the most incredible hardships and tests. this is to ensure that when one steps into a more public arena, that they can not only own their message/share, but withstand the inevitable absence of light that will attach to them.
it has amazed me over the last number of years to witness — WITHOUT FAIL — that every single time I am slated for a more public position, more personal success in any sense of the phrase, more goodness and more love… that people who I thought not only adored me but whom I felt a positive connection to poof evaporated. the sequence of events was tied so closely to my imminent “boost” or elevation in whichever arena I was working toward. how funny, right?
keep in mind that all kinds of energies will try to teather to you — those that are too lazy to do their own work, and subsequently get BOUNCED out by yours as they are so out of sync… those who are envious or jealous, which is the same thing as being lazy… and so on. many of these people you will not even see it coming with until after the fact — at which point they have made their presence, or lack thereof, obvious. do not let this experience stop you. “it is lonely at the top” — WHATEVER TOP THAT MAY BE FOR US — is a true statement, but it is indeed temporary! although I have experienced all formats of the above, I have ALWAYS known from a young age that the cream floats to the top. and so does the shit. and the two are polar opposites. so you will distinguish and fast. you can never be without your soul group. wave your orange freak flag so that the others may find you.
for a short time in life, you may attract what you have EXPERIENCED… which may certainly not reflect what you ARE. when you have learned the lessons necessary to shift out that which you have experienced and does not match you, you will then begin to attract that which you ARE. and at this point, the separation between the oil and water energies in your life will be rampant. I can not say enough about how bewildering yet real this experience is. you will be disappointed and surprised by people. forge ahead anyway. you are being led to a brighter place where their veiled density can not live.
the very best book I can recommend on different paths and levels of life span initiation is “dancing the dream” by sams. a game changer.
I wish everyone a VERY happy new year. DO NOT DIM YOUR LIGHT FOR ANYONE. rejection is PROTECTION. remember that, no matter what. your light of truth will separate the oil and water in your life with zero effort on your part. use this compass for all it is worth and KEEP MOVING.