are you aware of your parallel realities and other “selves”?

photo by Nadia Itani

are you aware of your parallel realities? like, every time you change your mind or make a new decision, where does your “other” self go? I pontificate quite often on mine. it’s a comfortable place for me to examine, actually.

when I work with a scientist or a fiction author or an engineer during a session, these topics/conversations are must-haves (and it’s like a breath of fresh air for me, being among pieces of my own soul cluster). if 2016 didn’t shake people enough to loosen the mental boxes, then I think we still have another thing coming. is that cryptic enough for you? 😉

for example, I think of big or turning point decisions I have made, and where those other selves of me went. I see where they went – I tap into their “other” life. and the interesting thing is, for me in particular, the destiny point didn’t change much. I may have chosen to get married and have children in my 20s, but here I would still be. I may have chosen to go to NYU and study acting and blasted off a TV/Film career, but here I would still be. I may have chosen to study at the healing institute next door to me immediately post college, but here I would still be. the thing with destiny is, it is unchangeable, depending upon the intrinsic frequency or set point of the individual. for me, there was no getting around what I was/am to do. the other versions of me have a different kind of baggage than my present tense linear and cognitive version, but each of us encompasses all that I am today…if that makes sense. the different skills and experiences that I would have needed to fulfill what I present to the outside world have been integrated by each self – just at different speeds at different times. this is not to be confused with being lazy “because whatever will happen, will happen”. no. if we are looking at “because whatever will happen, will happen” then we must be in ALIGNMENT in order for that to be the case. so, even if we make a different decision, we can not get it wrong because we are in ALIGNMENT. this is where the particular frequency of the individual makes a difference. this is where people get lost/complicated within themselves in trying to understand this and it’s honestly a book not a blog post.

so long as we are acting in our best effort and alignment at all times (many of us lie to ourselves that the possibility of what I am writing about regarding alignment does not exist – and this is why people repeat lives over and over and over again, and it is how karma factors in, but again that is a book not a blog post), then there are no such things as “mistakes”. we can not get it wrong. this boils down to more than just character, but rather overall integrity. integrity IS alignment. if we can work with that, well, we can tap into other versions of self — our parallel realities. the multiverse supports parallel realities, no duh. anyone who has experienced major deja vu or completely personally related to the notion of the movie “Arrival” with Amy Adams knows what I am talking about.

my personal experiences along these lines, to me, used to be/seem more foreign due to the fact that I was either trapped or trapping myself in extremely confined environments. that’s kind of an alignment issue. forget about a “creative environment”, too — what I am talking about is completely designing one’s life to suit their emotional, psychological and physical needs in order to un-trap the self. it is in these un-trapped realities that we become accessible to what else could be, to what else actually…is. and we can meet it on the astral plane. and the cohesion and oneness of all that we ever were and will be becomes apparent.

then, there is the whole other subject of taking this into “past” and “future” 3d incarnations of self. really, it is all the same thing, but that’s a mind-bender for most of us. however, consider how “past lives” play a role here! we could go bananas all day dissecting these subjects. I love them. because they are truly big-picture theories and well, they make sense to me. digging deeper opens newer truth and the opportunity for greater peace of mind.

if any of this sounds like crazy talk, well, consider for a moment it is not. can you even consider it? and if you can not consider it, how happy are you really?

p.s., just for giggles: Neil deGrasse Tyson: the universe is a simulation

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“wow…this must just be your time”. WHAT? funk that noise!

photo by Jennifer Santaniello

because they didn’t say it like “wow! this is your time, congratulations on your work!” they said it like “wow…you apparently just got lucky, you know, right place right time or something”. as if.

the thing is, when we are not living in purpose — even if that purpose is serving fries at a fast food chain — we like to think that things just “happen” to other people. they don’t. just. happen.

I wanted to say to this person, who passively commented on “my time”: “my time” has been built with sweat and tears. lots of both. I didn’t just put up a sign one day that said “reiki” and everyone came running. this has been a 15 year journey, relative to the enterprise I am building, not counting my first couple of decades on this planet. I didn’t run and trip over one thousand case studies of humans that will hopefully assist the way we collectively understand alternative therapy and healing. I spent years building those. I sacrificed my social life and social “norms”; I decided I was ok not getting engaged like everyone else in my late 20s, and I decided not to stress and feel old when everyone else was having babies a few years later. when you were trolling the internet getting into political debates, I was deleting my social media and throwing out my TV so that I could choose where to put my time and energy. when you were busy blaming everyone under the sun for your lot in life, I was volunteering and attending therapy. “my time” didn’t just come. I SHOWED UP FOR IT. and there you are, still making excuses for yourself every moment of the day.

when I begin to launch other products, relative to my practice or “brand”, I want people to know that I am not smarter or luckier (what I am though, maybe much more than most, is willing to be extremely vulnerable!): it takes years to become an overnight success. but we usually don’t hear about those years, and we don’t want to hear about those years when we are lazy to the core. it’s so much easier for some of us to turn into an internet troll.

I write this mini-rant for a couple of reasons; one, I just wanted to mini-rant because it pisses me off that people think I am lucky or it’s, you know, like, “my time“. if they only knew! they would never dare walk in my shoes. and two, if you are living in your truth, be willing to build that truth for years (don’t get caught in millennial diseases like instant gratification which is a serious epidemic) before seeing the kind of end game or result that you want. the truth is, you will likely never be satisfied anyhow, and you will likely always want to create more and more along the lines of that truth. we have to consider what our benchmarks are along the way. for me, initially, I just wanted to pay my rent and anonymously (yes, ANONYMOUSLY) help/heal people. I didn’t care if I was ever able to do anything beyond pay my rent, at least during my initial stages of focus. now, I want a publishing house and curriculums of mine in various industries/businesses and a dope jewelry line (side note: another 2 year journey, because I won’t just throw up something cheap and easy – it has to align with my business and vision) and so forth.

so when I say “yes” to upcoming media (that I have held off on so that I can do things the right way), please know that it is not happening because it is “my time”. I created my time. you can create yours, too – I promise.

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unconscious projection, at its worst: what it looks like

unconscious projection is something that I see everywhere: a person, with unmanaged, unacknowledged — hence UNCONSCIOUS — experiences > issues, applying and assigning that unconscious debris to another person or persons.

the first rule of unconscious projection is that we are only as sick as our secrets. whatever we hide, manifests in our unconscious and projects onto the outside world — typically a person who has absolutely nothing to do with our actual debris, but an easy target for that debris. this way, we do not have to actually deal with our debris (false).

I once had a friend, she was a new friend, for maybe about a year. this was a number of years ago. she was living a complete lie, in every sense of the word. but, she had fooled herself enough, to the point where she felt “safe” around me in the beginning. basically, she thought she could hide her truth from me. while I am far from perfect, I put myself — wholly — “out there”. at first, people will often confuse my authenticity with kindness or weakness. it is neither: I am simply willing to be who I am, even if it hurts or makes me vulnerable. vulnerability is a key point to finding personal power, and so few people in my experience understand that. anyway, back to the friend. as she got to know me, and saw how deeply and openly I lived in my truth, her truth aka unconscious mind began to peek its head out. her truth was not something she was willing to contend with on ANY level. she used psychic studies and woo-woo crap to “cover up” her fake romantic relationship, her lack of any social connection or close personal relationships, and her actual intentions with others. as I was still making strides in my ability to spot sickness (if we are taught to run TOWARD sickness, or sick people, we will do it until we die a million deaths over it and finally stop), it took me a bit to see how her unconscious territory manifested itself over and over again. as time went on, as physics would suggest, we were two different energies trying to share space (any space: emotional, cognitive, physical, or energetic), and that does not work: the more aligned energy will have to drop to match the unaligned energy, since energy flows from top to bottom. as I reached healthier and healthier places within my own unconscious field, I literally could not support her density. of course, I did not see it that way though. I went bumbling along, trying to maintain the sick friendship. I began to notice her erratic and inconsistent and — passive aggressive — behavior with me. it did hurt. it will always hurt when we are nothing but kind to another human, and that is not only not reciprocated but used against us in some way. however, I was really out of the zone of internalizing much of those kinds of things anymore, thankfully, so there was no opportunity for me to partake in her sick unconscious (some were absolutely conscious) games with me. what was happening, on a psychological level, is that I was unwittingly reflecting back her inauthenticity, just by being myself. since she was not honest with herself, I became the easiest “target” for her unconscious debris. when she could not provoke me with her inconsistent (and quite frankly, spiteful passive aggressive) behavior, such as inviting friends of MINE places and leaving me out in a really conniving fashion, she decided to ghost on me. but here is the kicker: she decided that I had ghosted her, and played victim! let me point out, for starters, that this friendship in the first place ONLY worked when I reached out to her. if I did not reach out, we would simply not talk. which ultimately became the case. which, by that point, was just fine with me. she had taken all that she could from me anyhow, and could not live in truth. very simple conversations that seemed to trigger any truth in her would leave me with the silent treatment for days on end. that said, I was her greatest projection screen ever! and, historically, she had actually done this with every single female friend prior: she had built them up, put them on pedestals, and when shit got real (as in she actually had to be transparent and honest with herself because that is what close relationships/friendships require!), her unconscious created a sick backstory and decided that I was all of the things that SHE was in her unconscious field.

thankfully I have not had a personal facebook account in a long time, because it is full of people vomiting their unconscious territory: we are in a prime/perfect time and opportunity for this to occur! whatever it is that we have not dealt with, or will not deal with, we will find projection screens for it. until…we really hit a rock bottom and have no one new left to blame. then, the cycle continues. or not. we are living in one of the most active blame-game eras I could ever imagine seeing at this point in time. people are literally going out of their way to find any scapegoat they can, to not deal with the debris that they can not access. but the thing is, the debris isn’t going anywhere: it is piling and piling and piling.

so, what can we do for ourselves and for the collective as it relates to our individual unconscious territory? for my part, I attend therapy consistently. to be honest, it’s not a whole lot of what I do not already know, but having an objective and clinical individual with decades of experience support me in monitoring my own barometer is freedom. I NEVER want to be like the behavior I describe in this post. it is one of my worst fears. each day, I take personal inventory and make a list of my 1) thoughts 2) feelings 3) words and 4) actions. I ask myself if the 4 things align, or not. if not, then where/why am I lying to myself? what am I gaining from that (or not)? am I willing to give up one of my psychological or otherwise “coping” mechanisms?

how do we know if we are lying to ourselves? 1) we feel like shit. we will spiral around and around, feeling like shit, and looking for desperate ways to escape the shitty feelings. we will blame other people who have nothing to do with our core issues, but make for fantastic projection screens for those issues. if we are not self-accountable, we will simply repeat the same patterns over and over again because we refuse to take self-inventory. 2) we repeat the same patterns over and over again. for example, I’ve had to ask myself, why I am so attracted to helping sick or broken people (in my personal life, mainly). I discovered that part of my child self — this is in the UNCONSCIOUS territory — still feels guilty and indebted to helping sick or crazy people in general. what ends up happening is I become a target for their un-owned and unconscious sickness. one of my handlers recently said to me: “you can not do this anymore. you can not hire or help people who are supposed to be helping you”. there are great examples of people running empires who need people like that around them constantly, because there is something stuck in their unconscious field (like mine) that is vulnerable and needs work. I hope, one day, to be more aware of my pattern of attracting sick people and wanting to fully renovate them when, in fact, they do not want to ever be healthy. I’m actively working hard on this pattern. and I am happy to make myself vulnerable right here in this post by saying it. it is what it is. thankfully, with regard to my actual consulting and healing work, my unconscious territory rarely rears its ugly head. there is no way that I would be working at the level that I am, with some very regulated and powerful people, if I were to be in an unconscious state there. and, actually the more powerful and successful the person is whom I work with, the less opportunity I find for my unconscious mind bringing in even a shred of my old/ceasing pattern. 3) we desire to blame other people. when we blame other people, we give up our power to change. this is different from holding people accountable and moving on. big, big difference. blame is active and ongoing. accountability is decisive and allows for us to evolve. 4) we dislike someone “for no reason”. enough said.

as we observe others around us, especially in this day and age, we can so easily see who lives in a state of non-stop unconscious projection: there has never been a better time to observe sick people. they are the online trolls, the blamers, the dwellers, the debate-obsessed, the chronic complainers, those with active addictions that they have no intention of properly fixing because it soothes their sense of unconscious reality. of course each of us unconsciously projects, somehow, somewhere, and at some point. but the point is: how do we manage ourselves and look within to move forward without injuring others in the process because we are too weak to address ourSELVES?

our current climate illustrates a complete collapse of time and space. you may want to consult Neil deGrasse Tyson on this one! what this looks like and feels like, is every piece of ourselves — past, present and future — coming up for *review and integration*. the past is not the past. it is the present, AND the future. unfortunately, or fortunately, that is NOT up for debate with the universe at this point of our planet’s position in the galaxy.

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I chose therapy when I wanted to THRIVE (forget about survive, been there done that!)

I saved my own life, in every sense of life, and now every single week of the year my therapist assists me in *returning* lost/forgotten/stolen pieces of this great life to myself. yes, I treat many clinical psychotherapists and licensed mental health professionals — and I see one as well. it took me years to find her. I saw some pretty awful ones in NYC before her and gave up on therapy in my 20s. then I found her a year ago while I felt like my life could not have been going any better. sounds like the right time to dive deeper, right? Little did I realize the further liberation in store for me…

a truly wonderful therapist is hard to come by, but it is worth it to spend time – even years – looking for the right one. it’s not damaged or “crazy” people who seek therapy (quite the opposite — those people typically seek *nothing*) but those who are willing to take control of their life and maximize it. when I finally found my “person”, I was flying higher than ever before in life. I just knew that there were still things stuck in my wings, and I was ready to find out exactly what they were. I was excited to go to therapy, and each week that passes it’s like attending a party for myself. yep.

we never, ever know the possibilities of life until they unfold before our eyes. we can not learn a journey (like read a book, watch a movie, hear a story, hear a lecture) – we must go FORTH on that journey to learn something. sometimes we don’t do it all alone anymore. and it’s so worth it. all of it. even if it feels like it’s taken a lifetime.

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don’t settle for good when you can have great (and why).


image by Pia Venegas @madeinwater

one time, many moons ago, I was leaving a relationship that was the best treatment I had ever experienced by someone close to me. it was hard for me because, while it was the nicest I had been treated, my core was like “hell no — you deserve so much more — this is barely basic at it’s best and this person has nothing to offer you”. I had no human proof or experience of what better might be there, though, so I struggled. I would later learn from my therapist how when we only know abuse, we grasp at the first thing that resembles goodness and we hold onto it for dear life as if it is the only option we will ever have. one day I was on a TV set and an actor said to me about my situation: “but what if you are 10 times your self-perceived value?”. that statement stuck with me then, and for the rest of my life.

once upon a time or hundred, I have found myself in a situation that was good. “good” is a subjective term. to me, it meant that it was better than I had ever been treated before/in the past. so, that is like a super relative notion depending on who we each are and where we come from…I have found myself with a person or situation that was better than I had known in the past, but it wasn’t great. of course, I didn’t know what great was or how it related to me, because I hadn’t yet experienced great — but, my core resonated with great. my core resonated separately from my mind or experience. based on the fact that said person or situation was “good”, I have stayed. yet I have stayed with hesitation. my hesitation has resided in a core knowing that I had no external or tangible proof of. therefore great was a risk.

as I moved through the motions of many “good” persons and situations, and ended up leaving all of them or they left me, I began to naturally and unwittingly move in the direction of great. great ended up feeling like more of a knowing, though I had still not landed there. “you’re too picky” I heard. about my course in life or my choices in romance. this line came from people who settled in good, all of the time. still, I had no proof of what great meant — yet my core wouldn’t let me wander in good. then came the long, grey break from many persons and situations…it was, for lack of a better description, a void colored in grey. it felt like there was no one and no thing there. and it happened as I was continually pushed out of “good”. good, at that point, became simply non-abusive at best. good, at that point, became settling for a person or situation who didn’t go out of their way to hurt me. and “good” was no longer good, but was rather just barely survivable. and I was at an impasse. good began changing definition for me.

the impasse I arrived in was the space between good and great, and there was a very loud black line between the two notions; as what was once “good” was really not anything close to it — and what was great, was a place I had never, ever been to. the two worlds sound close in that they each host positive aspects of reference, but I began to see how far apart good and great really are. good was and is just an old interpretation of survivable living, whereas great is everything we have ever wanted. the two worlds could actually not be any further apart, yet so many of us live in our version of “good”, or we live in between them for a lifetime.

once upon a not too distant time ago I found myself with a person or situation that was clearly just good. by “just good”, I mean that it was not harmful to who I was/am at that time, but it would absolutely hold back who I am to become — in the region of great. this person or situation did not treat me great, they treated me “good”. a new kind of good though. not my old kind of good. so it was, in essence, just…good. in more specific terms, this person or situation was the bare minimum for me. perhaps my energetic signature from the past, and my current aura of unconditional love and acceptance was confused by the person or situation as an easy target to get whatever it was that they/it needed. this person or situation could not tell the difference between good and great, and the problem was that I could — I knew I was great. I am pretty sure that parts of this person or situation thought that they were, in fact, great, and I bet they/it could be one day, but that certainly did not translate into the recognition of that in me. so, there I was, partially excited yet partially “meh”, in this “good” situation. it reminded me of all of the people I know who don’t see their own value and allow themselves to sit in “good” jobs and “good” relationships that do not match their core. I wondered to myself what this person/situation I was in thought of me? did they/it really think or believe that I was simply just “good”? because the energy around said person/situation basically said to me “you’re good enough“. but I didn’t feel good enough, I felt too good for good. I was navigating my way through that impasse…

and so I left a good situation. having no “proof” of the great that exists, my core spoke so loudly to me from all of the many transcendences of prior “good” people and situations. I never wanted basic, and here I was being approached exactly as I were basic, yet this time my mind and my heart — my cognitive and emotional epicenters — physically prevented me from being basic aka good. that said, I still had to make a human choice, and all that I have learned in my life came into deciding how long I wanted to be in a “good” situation. I decided not long at all. I decided on great. I will always decide on great, even if it is just my higher self deciding for me first as I roll through many more “good” persons and situations until my cognitive and emotional knowing lines up with my higher self — like a dog sensing a tornado days before it happens.

when we risk leaving “good”, and yes, no matter our backgrounds we can ALL risk leaving good (whatever good means to US), we open up the grey space (full of twists, turns, tests, but ultimately proof) of great. WE ARE ALL CAPABLE OF HAVING GREAT. the only thing separating one person from the next according to RELATIVE “great” is faith and courage. faith IS courage, in my experience. all the same, great is available to each of us. yes, all things are relative to each of us in different ways, but we each have a barometer that knows our personal difference between good and great…you can have great.

so, why should you not settle? there is a world waiting for you that you have only ever dreamed of. sure, it may take months or years or decades to reach it…but isn’t that better than spending a lifetime admiring other people’s lives, secretly wishing or longing to share their joy? we all do it, all of the time, in some way. what we are actually wishing or longing for, however, is not necessarily their joy — but their faith. their courage. each of us has access to that.

each time I leave a good situation, I first think about the stark contrast of goodness of it in relationship to my early life, and I feel beyond grateful for the experience of that positive contrast. I also think that, if I was able to transcend that kind of contrast, then there is more in relationship to what has, as of late, been good. each time I jump into the grey void space of contrast and opportunity, I get closer to great. and more “good”, relative to what I once considered good and now do not, shows up — and my core says loudly “this is good but it is NOT great”! and good begins to feel awful. and that is the line for me between good and great.

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