Forgiveness without Reconciliation

Today I posted a free Substack article here:

Below is the copy:

The Bible warns that the open door of un-forgiveness will curse you, and I know this to be true.

Some years ago I was speaking with an acquaintance I’ve known for many years. They said to me “I can’t forgive. They don’t deserve it”. I tried to explain to them what forgiveness actually was, since they didn’t seem to understand the concept.

Forgiveness is letting go of the burden of the crime of spirit that was done to you. It is ending the curse of mistreatment or the perception that “things should have been different”. When we feel or think that things should have been different, we are questioning God’s authority – this will not work out well for us.

Forgiveness is not agreeing with what someone has done to us when it was in fact cruel or wrong; it is however, ending the energy that binds us to them in a way that we perpetuate said injury. After all, they didn’t injure us so much as they injured themselves. Why continue to allow them to injure beyond the time or times that they did?

Forgiveness is the opposite of making excuses for someone, and it doesn’t require reconciliation – particularly in physically or psychologically dangerous circumstances.

I’ve heard many first-hand accounts of men and women who were raped by one or both of their parents. This crime knows no bounds when it comes to socioeconomic or otherwise status – for demons do not discriminate. In such a case, forgiveness likely would not warrant or welcome a face-to-face meeting unless the person who endured said crimes felt strongly that was the right path to take.

People conflate forgiveness with reconciliation and the two things are just not the same. Forgiveness does not mean you are “making it ok” what someone did – rather you’re simply letting go of the burden that has plagued you for so long, and thinking that continuing to drink the same poison that was foisted upon you is necessary in order to protect yourself. Divine anger will protect you, yes; but toxic anger will not.

There are paths and journeys to forgiveness despite the fact that it can “happen in an instant”. When the crime is severe, there are levels and stages a person generally must pass through to land at the letting go stage. Not everyone has to make it to their death bed to arrive at forgiveness, but some do. Others allow their life to become so miserable and out of control until they begin to consider the fact that these consequences are part of a burden they will not release – as Jung once said “When an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate”:

The acquaintance I spoke to some years ago is possibly not capable of forgiveness. Some of us are mentally broken and prefer to live in self-righteousness right up until the bitter end – our physical death. I won’t touch on the dangers of that but if you understand scripture then you know where it leads; and if you are fortunate, God will reveal to you the imminent nature of that outcome and give you the opportunity to fix it in your waking, physical, incarnate life.

When we forgive, and it is not part of an act of reconciliation or attempted reconciliation, our entire world changes. It is only then, that the idea of reconciliation can even begin to peak our interest IF IT IS WHAT GOD WANTS. Again, there are some cases so severe, that reconciliation is simply not part of the plan. Examples of this include toxic family members who live in perpetual hate toward their victim, wish them dead, have abused them in unthinkable ways and have no plans on stopping – or serial pedophile rapists who, unless locked up for life or executed, will only do it as many more times possible as they can. Since we are not God, we do not force or attempt reconciliation where the outcome would be more damaging. However one thing is for sure: forgiveness will liberate you from the ugliness that was imposed upon you no matter how ugly.

I often say things like “that is unforgivable!! death penalty!!!” – and while yes, I mean it in a human sense, I am not touching on the personal version of forgiveness that liberates one from the deeds that the evil doer has done to bind them for life (in a perpetual state of un-forgiveness). Let me explain.

I’ve written several blog posts about forgiveness, particularly forgiveness in cases of extreme or diabolical abuse. The subject is not new to me. And there is nuance to it. The nuance I’ve written about for years, is the distinction between the person and the evil. Now, some people are born evil – do not debate me. And no, not “everyone can change!”. Of course they can not. And they deserve their mortal punishment to the max. Divine anger expressed accordingly in this regard is biblical. However we hate the devil, not the person. Even if it seems (and yes there are cases) the person was born with the devil inside them.

At the end of the day, the most counter-intuitive action is the most liberating, but the evil one has clouded our vision of this liberation as part of his evil scheme; this is what traps us and makes us believe that we are empowered by self-righteous hate – which again, is different from divine hate.

Divine hate is hate or anger in the moment that produces a Godly outcome; self-righteous hate or anger is a PERPETUAL STATE OF BEING.

The perpetual state of being causes cancer, illness and general dis-ease. It does not empower us. It steals from us. As it is designed to do.

I once had a friend say to me that she was impressed by my immediate and strong reactions to people, places and things that were negative – she said that she had some religious mentor who told her that people who can express themselves on the spot never live as angry people. I’ve always understood this, even though I’ve of course had moments that I would not be proud to share. With that said, I understood the nature of divine anger as a force / demon passing THROUGH a person instead of sticking to them…only to continuously arise in a passive aggressive, circular pattern designed to lock a person in place as a state of bitterness or hatred.

I’ve noticed as time goes on, as people age, they become one of two things: darker or lighter. You can see it on their face – they are either becoming more holy, or less holy; more bitter or more liberated. It is what defies physical age and transcends time and space and the “it” is forgiveness. That person has learned the art of divine anger and wrath versus perpetual defeat. They understand the art of letting go. Perhaps they were born this way, but it doesn’t mean they didn’t have to work at it.

Many years ago a friend of the family gifted me “The Four Agreements”. Cool kids on the internet will make fun of the book because they can’t conceive of actual struggle in life. The book is excellent. In 2007 I got to meet the author and have dinner with his son. When the person who gifted me that book saw me open it, they said to me that they thought I already did very well with not taking things personally – and they were right. While I could work on that step for the rest of my life and still never get it perfect, it has always come naturally to me to see other people’s nasty behavior as a reflection of their own self in the mirror that is me – the energy of The Holy Spirit that makes his way around me and protects me from their words and actions. The way he protects me is through the desire to let go – to forgive…and in this way it makes me strong.

Disliking or even “hating” (I don’t love that word, because “hate” gives another person far too much credit, but I can’t think of a better one) someone is one thing – and that sentiment can be in effect eternally as necessary to keep a person out of danger. It can also accompany forgiveness, as you are distinguishing God from the Devil. That is literally all that forgiveness means to me. And if you want to break it down for your situation, whatever it may be, know that people are made with various fabrics and in varying degrees that incline them toward or away from evil; however it is not the fabrics that we hate – it is satan himself, who moves through those fabrics. In this way, the person becomes ALMOST IRRELEVANT – why are you giving a person so much credit as to hate or dislike them as a perpetual state of being? Leave it as a sentiment that you are unattached to, forgive them, and let God send to you the riches you’ve put on hold by conflating satan with the incarnate being you’ve had a row with.

I will stress again that I understand how the idea of reconciliation post forgiveness may not be right for some of us – the psychological risk can be too great. Many therapists have suggested that folks who come from terrifying situations do not reconnect – it is the same thing as telling a former drug addict to not return to the people and neighborhoods they used to frequent when they were constantly drunk and or high. Some distances between us and others are put there by God because of the unfortunate domino effect that could ensue and recreate the satanic pattern that pursued us in the first place. So once again: reconciliation is not forgiveness, and sometimes or not it is part of forgiveness…but the latter is only apparent AFTER you’ve forgiven.

I wrote an eBooklet about this a number of years ago and you can buy it here. It talks about how to forgive – and the processes involved in such – while simultaneously practically protecting yourself in a way that provides you never allow satan to work through that physical vessel and do the same thing ever again. Again, you are not God, and you are not trying to change a person – in fact, forgiveness is essentially stating exactly that; it is saying “I accept what you are, only God could change you”. You do not wait for an evil person to change – it is not your job.

People do not forgive because they are too confused about what it means, or they are weak and narcissistic. Mixed messages around the church hurt people, as some ordinary Christians believe that disgusting criminals should be set free and allowed to rape / pillage / destroy things because “it’s the Christian thing to do!!”. NO. This is misusing scripture and the idea of religion, it is being an accomplice to sin, and it’s also the work of the devil. Spiritual sloth is the work of the devil! Weakness is a sin.

A strong Christian acknowledges the fundamental difference between forgiveness and reconciliation and does not merge the two – for they understand the righteous hand of God that acts in wrath as a consequence to certain actions and applauds divine anger when present to serve His will. A strong Christian also does not scapegoat other people for their continual failures in life, or inability to get it together. This type of un-forgiveness is witchcraft.

Living in un-forgiveness is an excuse to continue living by our standards not God’s. Why would you continue striking the same frequency – for the rest of your life – that hurt you back when, no matter how many times? Only the spiritually slothful and lazy do this. In addition, using reconciliation AS A REPLACEMENT for forgiveness is truly evil!

I know some who, instead of going through the important (CRUCIAL) motions of anger, despair and what-not on their path toward forgiveness, decide to “reconcile” – meaning they never hold their abusers accountable, and pretend that living in a state of reconciliation is forgiveness; IT IS NOT. Once again, this cope is for the spiritually slothful and they become what they hate – they’ve merged with their abuser and emboldened their actions…all under the GUISE of “forgiveness” when in reality, it is slothful reconciliation. Sorry, but you can not have reconciliation without first going through the NATURAL stages of emotional and psychological upheaval that serve to even bring you CLOSE enough to the concept of forgiveness and being capable of such. This sort of spiritual bypass is abhorrent and common of fake Christians who just won’t do the work.

Of course there are infinite examples of people and situations out there that are confusing to and misunderstood by others, as landing at forgiveness or prospective reconciliation is a journey not a simple one-stop healing. This journey can change shape over many years as layers of a person’s circumstance are addressed and worked through, if even ever addressed at all. In these cases only a spiritual director and otherwise helper can answer the many questions that will come up on this path, which is no doubt long and windy when we have been gravely injured in a way that changes the entire trajectory of our life. Seek one as you open pandora’s box because spiritually bypassing all that comes with the many moving parts of light versus dark as such relates to the human condition is a massive L.

When we are young and we have one insight or breakthrough moment, we think we’ve “figured it all out!!!”; when in reality, the journey is just getting started. When this is the case, you’ve got a long road ahead so get ready to be humbled.

Forgiveness, reconciliation, and the notions of dark and light (satan and God) are portals that know no depths; the best thing you can do once you dare to acknowledge them is know that you don’t know. Especially if you think you do. And once you think and act as though you do, God will throw you the biggest curve ball imaginable.

Forgiveness is an embodiment, not an ideology – me.

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