my first experience/the first time I consciously felt kundalini energy

photo by Jennifer Santaniello

once upon a time, I was immediately post-college and post massive awakening — huge ego death, my life had crumbled around me in every way possible, and I truly entered my first CONSCIOUS dark night of the soul (you can read about it here in my eBooklet 1). I had moved back to the Northeast where I was raised, and I was trying to stabilize my life — i.e. get a good/boring job, find a place to live and pay my rent, and daydream about my next steps.

before I had moved back to the Northeast, and during my period of substantial change and chaos, I often ventured out on the town (alone). I loved being alone! (still do). I never knew what the night might hold in terms of who I would meet, or what energy I would feel in xyz space. I would turn on music, pre-party alone, and head out in one of my wild outfits (during this time I also wore a lot of fake hair — a LOT of it) that made me feel like a character in a marvel movie. one night I went to this particular spot that was the spot of the moment. it was always filled with well-known actors, musicians and athletes, and I loved peering in on their world. I didn’t want to be part of it (because I knew what it entailed and either it wasn’t for me, or it wasn’t my “time”), but I did like being around it. I liked being invited places with those people because I found them super interesting and my energy felt safe with other “weirdos” who had somehow “made it”. at this one spot as I refer to above, a man approached me. usually I kept to myself, danced alone in a corner, and just enjoyed observing. on this particular night, I spoke with this very well-mannered, well-dressed man. actually, he was too well-dressed. I almost felt like a peasant around him, lol. he also smelled VERY good. to this day I do not know what flavor of cologne he sported. everything about him was special, worldly, and…intense. he was a laid back guy, had traveled the world, owned hotels in various spots, C-suited/worked in like 3 different industries which were totally unrelated, and rubbed elbows with really incredible people. I kept wanting to understand how he got to where he was, as he was the truest unicorn I had ever met. he was older than me, maybe 15-20 years. I was about 23 or so at the time. while I found him attractive and all of the above, I was not attracted to him. I also found him to be old, lol. in my early 20s I thought that 30+ was dinosaur territory, and I also thought that there was something possibly wrong with anyone who was single over 30. again, lol. anyhow, my new friend made it clear that he had traveled the world and never met an energy like mine before. he was interested. and so at the time, and perhaps for years after that, I just thought that compliment about my energy and being was a come-on. but his words/compliment would resonate super loudly later on…

after a series of explosive bombs and warfare ignited in my internal and external worlds, a couple of years had passed and we were still in touch. he had a to-die-for apartment spanning the penthouse of a wall street building, and he invited me for a night out on the town. I had always felt safe with him despite his interest in me, because he never once made me feel uncomfortable. he took care of me like an older brother would. I did not realize, at the time, how potentially rare it was for a grown man to spend time with a female he was interested in, and ask nothing of her other than platonic friendship. at any rate, we went out for my first night on the NYC town in years. we went to all of the “see and be seen” spots, and back then before social media destroyed the social night life, this was a really great scene. it attracted energy based on actual attraction, not promotion. there was a vibe, in certain places, that can’t be artificially created. as we ordered our first drinks — vodka cranberry — we took a sip and went to the dance floor. within moments he began talking to someone and I began to feel something I’d never felt before. my entire body began to flood with light. I don’t know how else to describe it. I had never taken a party drug before, and certainly never encountered anything that had made me feel that good, and the only thing I could compare this feeling to was being on a ton of pain killers post surgery. but it was beyond even that. as I stood with my drink, feeling this pure ecstasy, I immediately got nervous that I had been slipped a drug. which was nearly impossible. my friend was a health nut, didn’t believe in drugs, and woke up every day at 5am to do yoga at sunrise. I put my drink down and kept feeling my body. I felt so good that I was afraid. it contradicted almost everything I had ever felt in my life, up until that point. I looked around the room again for anyone who might have been the culprit of this intense high I was feeling out of nowhere. I could not pinpoint it, and I almost wanted it to stop because I had no control over knowing the source or the reason for this feeling. at some point the feeling passed, I mentioned it to my friend, and we went back to his incredible penthouse. he let me know that he doesn’t invite people over, not even close friends, because he didn’t want their “energy” in his space. again, I thought he was just trying to compliment me. I went to sleep in his guest room, and I recall feeling just very good and safe. I woke up at 530am to use the bathroom and I saw him doing yoga through his bedroom door. then I went home and forgot all about the experience I had that night.

a couple of years later, I was still forging my path of difficulty and working many different jobs. my interests were so varied and I was concerned that I would never amount to anything on paper because I was pulled in so many different directions. after working in finance and corporate trade and barter, and then advertising, I jumped ship to be my own boss. one of my next “jobs” was photo-doubling on a TV show. I had some direction, but it was all foreign territory and most people around me didn’t understand what I was doing or why. one day on set, my body began to buzz again. loud. I immediately flashed back to the experience that I had with my older man friend that night, in the nightclub. I thought well, ok, definitely no one has slipped me any kind of mind or body altering substance, and I remember this feeling. as I sat on breaks on set that day, I began googling like a maniac. I came across kundalini rising. BAM. things started to make sense…I consciously understood what was brewing inside of me.

I looked back at the time that I met this special man. I recalled his overwhelming resonance with my energy field. I recalled being at my rock bottom in all ways in life, feeling like a complete mess, but recognizing that people still wanted to be around me….??? I thought about how during that phase of destruction, there was a new energy birthing inside of me. I couldn’t recognize it at the time, but others sure did…I realized that this first period of tremendous difficulty in my life was maybe somehow connected to this…kundalini thing I was reading about!? but what was it? I connected the first set of dots and realized that my chakras were experiencing a cleansing during the time that I met my friend. they continued, during my years of difficulty, to clear. and when we reconnected a couple of years later, I was able to “meet” the energy that he had recognized in me, but that I could not yet see in myself. I HAD to call him from the TV set that day…

my eyes began to well up as I understood the fact that he “saw” me. I realized that it was more than a physical or intellectual attraction to/from him. and I realized that the power of his being intimidated me, though I loved being around it. as I reached out to him that day on set, I told him “my entire body is buzzing — I think I am experiencing a kundalini awakening/rising, do you know what that is?” we had never spoken about kundalini or many such words that the average person doesn’t throw around in their vocabulary. he said to me “this is the energy that we have been sharing since the day that we met”. even writing this makes my eyes well up with tears. this was the first “real” connection that I had with another human being, and I was so young. I had nothing to compare it to. he was there to prompt some of my own energy that no one else could prompt. this is real, by the way. we all have meridian lines that only certain people can help us ignite. we are equal in rights not in energy. know this!!!

looking back at this period of my life, I feel great affection for it. I had not realized at the time, how special this man was in my life. he also seemed “too good”, if that makes sense. I never thought I could measure up to his class, his achievements, his worldly knowing, etc. I would not say that I felt inadequate, but perhaps just rather in awe. and as I recall our encounters I shudder in the resonance that he “saw” me the whole time. even when I did not see myself. and if he had explained what that truly was at the time, I would not have understood it anyhow. he knew and understood things that I did not, during that time. and he let me be. because he didn’t see me, he saw…ME. my first experience with kundalini involved being seen. SEEN.

our processes are always met with the right people and the right energies, at the right time. someone may be assisting us in ways that we will not understand until much later in life. knowing how divinely ordered this seems to have been in my life brings me tremendous peace. even on my worst days. understanding the chaos as well as the bliss brings me tears of joy and gratitude.

kundalini energy is something that we share with a certain soul group. this is my belief, I have not read that belief anywhere else (yet). and again it is because we are each so different in our energetic make-up. sometimes we “stumble” upon one of its group members during a strange time in our life. I have concluded that it is usually during a chaotic time. and the person we will stumble upon will have already passed through the eye of the needle. and in doing so, when the two energies connect, the seasoned energy can hold space for the person who has no idea what is about to hit them/their life. it’s fucking beautiful.



how to deal with ASCENSION SYMPTOMS


what is ascension? what are ascension symptoms?

“ascension” in my experience and opinion, after processing both my own and then spotting and working with that of thousands of patients, is that of the intangible bridge between 3d physical tactile human “self” and the 5d intangible unseen higher self. it is through the higher self or intangible realms that we receive signals (read my piece on frequencies and vibrations). just like a computer, cell phone or piece of electronic equipment, we as humans are made of transmitters and receptors that mirror atomic patterns, grids, templates and so on.

our planet is new. at it’s birth, we were most certainly working more closely than ever with our most carnal, telepathic and primal instincts. over time, that has been pushed away with distractions that have made life more convenient. at it’s now peak, with INSTANT communication (not telepathic, though that is our birth right) via text messaging and so on, we have immediate access to anyone. I call this *primal bypassing©. primal bypassing occurs when we forget our innermost instincts. we cease to rely upon them because the work is being done for us by an outside source. this is a blessing and curse because technology has blessed us by making our world smaller and thus connecting us with people/causes/truths we would not otherwise have such instant access to in the 3d realm. the curse aspect of this is that we are nearly 100% cut off from our carnal, telepathic and primal instincts. when this happens, we are trolls. puppets. robots. it is what has happened to the portion of those who are now in their early 20s. they have become puppets who click buttons all day to see how they should be living. they are not thinking for themselves. that in and of itself is another blog, because I consider them/that specific age group to by truly a special needs part of society.

the people I see range from C level executives who run major companies in finance, law and technology, to single mothers on welfare. more often that not they are in the first part of the range. the ONLY reason they are reaching out, despite how it has manifested itself, is due to their MISSING BRIDGE BETWEEN 3D and 5D. as I explained in the previous paragraph, this bridge is missing due to access to instant gratification and instant everything. “instagood” — what does that even mean? maybe I’m out of the loop. but that stupid hashtag in and of itself when I see it is vomit-worthy.

as we have become CUT OFF from our bridge to our higher self and the ethereal realms (which connects us to ALL THAT IS – it gives us that INNER SENSE of purpose and fulfillment, even if we are bagging groceries at a Walmart), we not only become more robotic but we also begin to suffer physiologically because the planet itself is EVOLVING. we can also call this ascension. what does this mean? think of other planets or galaxies “lightyears away”. it is often explained that we get our technology or technological innovation from “lightyears away”. if we are paired with an aspect of science that is “not yet here”, and it comes from higher realms which we are also simultaneously CUT OFF from due to the fact that is robs us of our need to be connected to 5D plus, HOW are we supposed to also ascend or evolve!? the earth is moving beyond 3d right now. but our instincts and demands are ONLY IN 3D. this is a huge problem. because we are cut off from that which we can not see or hear (since we are also relying on it so heavily!!). this is the point where spirit meets science. when this happens, we are forced to either A) ascend or B) crumble and die. what does this process look like? it looks like the requirement for our 3D bodies and minds to match the realms in which we are communicating VIA 3D (an iPhone or computer) but do not KNOW we are relying upon. since we have stopped using our INNATE internal computer systems of intuition, meditation, prayer, telepathy and so on, our 3D vessels are downgraded to strictly 3D. but what happens as the planet itself is ascending? we become BLOCKED. this is the number 1 “ailment”, by the way, that people call me with. “I feel blocked and I don’t know why”. Harvard educated executives, doctors, scientists and so on. people with “all of the access” in the world have virtually NO access. because they are exposed to the tiniest portion of what they need. or none of it.

what has happened is their antennas are shut down. when we stop using the very human atomic fabric that supports our IDEAS that then translate beyond 3D, there is no bridge. a few gifted individuals have had the capacity to access or channel that bridge from 3D to 5D+, but their work alone has satisfied billions. the rest of us don’t need to think. or so we think. when we remain in a strictly 3D state but we are made with access to much more and we are not engaging with it, we become “BLOCKED”. this blockage is serious. it is first standardized in that we don’t know it is even there or in need of being tapped into. it is second realized when we get sick or face a life crisis and don’t see how our physical choices (food, exposure) additionally block this bridge. for some of us, that block is forcibly removed because it is the plan of the planet to ascend — and without the ascension of it’s inhabitants to move from 3D to 4 or 5D, it will die altogether. another blog would suit “who” and “why” moves out of 3D and deals with ascension symptoms. right now, there are millions of people facing ascension symptoms and they have no idea what they are. those who are able or willing to look “outside” the box, or who are tuned in for some blessing of a reason unbeknownst to them, are dealing with a classic “ascension”. otherwise known as when the physical 3D body attempts to bridge with the 4-5D+ energies they are connected to but not using. what then happens is their bodies begin finding a bridge to the other dimensions. since the energy of 4 or 5D+ energy is much higher, when it attempts to reach or reaches the body, the physical body goes into shock. when that bridge is established, it is like a signal being sent from lightyears away to the body and it can take days, weeks, months or years to register. again, for the sake of focus, I will write another blog on human evolution and “why” some people wake up to the idea of ascension and others do not.

I remember my first wave of accession. it was 2003 and it happened to coincide with a spiritual awakening and ego death. out of nowhere, I was getting severe vertigo. I had my first and last ever panic attack. the difficulty with this wave of ascension was mostly the vertigo. I’m going to leave out many of the psychological or emotional symptoms and focus on the physical here for the sake of, again, focus. I could be anywhere, and out of the blue I would be hit with total vertigo. it went on for a few years. it would happen when I was driving, when I was at dinner, or when I was cooking. it didn’t matter. it seemed to die down for a time and I didn’t battle too many, if any, health issues. I think I also always just had a knack for knowing that diagnoses were bullshit and that everything came/comes from the mind anyhow. so perhaps I didn’t focus my attention there.

in 2008 I had my second wave of very strong physical ascension symptoms. I didn’t work for 6 months or so. I could barely leave my NYC apartment. one might ask how to survive this way, when you are not blessed with a trust fund and you can not leave your apartment! well, I will share the pragmatic aspects of my journey. It was the fall or winter of 2008 and I had just been “let go” of a TV job (another blog post! as it was SUCH a blessing I was “let go”). the feeling of overwhelming self preservation became apparent and then engulfing for me. I was nervous to work, because I felt that if I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning I would ruin my job. I felt overwhelming exhaustion, fatigue, and the need to just lay in the fetal position for several hours per day. my nutrition was being forcibly changed by an outside force at that time too. I couldn’t get by on the crappy food or drink I was used to. my body was in need of pure substances and life. the need to be alone was shocking. I was used to being a social person. but during this time, I didn’t want to see anyone. the message to be alone and not leave the house was profound. I knew I was not in a depression. I knew it was just “what I needed”. I had to think hard so that I could survive in the physical world. I had never applied for or accepted unemployment prior, so I did that. I was surprised at how much money I could get every week! because I was working in entertainment at freelance, I could genuinely be looking for work and also collecting unemployment. I also worked craigslist roommate finder like a beast. I met some of the best people who I am still connected to to this day because they were one month roommates of mine. I split the rent with them and rented out my little futon in my upper east side studio apartment. this bought me time and reflection. if you are living in NYC, or anywhere for that matter but specifically a place that is high rent and overhead, I highly recommend renting any part of your home that will hold a human body. was it ideal? no. did it beat eviction? yes. did it beat having to stress out about how I would wake up in the morning and possibly have to cancel a job? yes.

I spent most days in the park. I would wake up at 8am, go to the bodega with my coffee, and try to ground myself. just that alone took a couple of hours. I knew that my job at that point was to simply connect with my core. my inner voice. thankfully social media was not yet a cancer then. I was somewhat distraction-free. mid or late day I would go home and eat a sandwich. then I would see if I had enough energy for hot yoga. hot yoga changed my life, by the way. this is the nutritional part that SAVED ME during the ascension symptoms. it saved me and upgraded me because it kept my field and my antenna CLEAR. this is the very connection that was trying to be made between my higher self and my 3D self in the first place. this attempt at connection is where everyone I see is/was stuck. everyone. they neglect their health (no, eating “organic meat and dairy” does not help, in my experience) and do not work out properly. the hot yoga served as a serious detox for me, ridding my 3D vessels of the toxins that blocked the connection to my higher self. or the realms where we actually use technology. I recognized that once my body was more “ripe” for a higher dimensional signal, there would be less resistance then thus less health/mind difficulty on my part. I became a beast of routine with detox, meditation through reading and quiet time with no electronics, and of course vigilant protection over my housing. on a practical level, I can’t stress enough the importance of making sure you are covered so that you do not have to move in with your parents or have someone take care of you. I can guarantee you that will send you right backwards. it is a slow death for MANY reasons. most of them intangible.

when I got a grip on the vertigo, how to organize my health and how to stabilize my living needs, I felt a bit better. it took nearly six months though, before I felt like I was hitting new ground again. then a huge job came in for me and I knew it was a sign that that I had transcended an old reality and was clearly tapping into 5D on a physical and conscious level.

as the months and years went by, I continued feeling the various feelings you can find when you just google “ascension symptoms”; vertigo, fatigue, nausea for no reason, night sweats, etc. I learned to just deal with it and not freak out as if I had some health condition. people are overwhelmingly locked in fear right now around health — doctors visits, specialists, “experts” and really misdirected diagnoses are very often replacing what is a simple ascension symptom. and yes, it CAN go on for years. so, what do you do about it?

we either ride the wave and accept it, or we change a thought or belief pattern. that is where the psychological component comes in, and I describe that in my piece about spiritual awakening. I decided to accept my ascension symptom flow. it is different for everyone, but since 2012, I see hundred of people locked in full swing with this. a major part of assisting with these symptoms is diet/nutrition/exercise, another part is AWARENESS AND INFO (such as I am sharing) so that one does not think they’ve gone crazy, and another is personal work — the necessary shifting of beliefs or thought patterns that have been there for years. I see this most often when I work with cancer patients. yes, people who have stage 3 or 4 cancer. and it never fails, the fact that they are simply in an ascension and need to be doing something about it. the other way I manage my symptoms is knowing that they will never stop forever. sometimes, out of nowhere, I get a crushing headache of migraine proportion. because I am in tune, however, I know it is not “just a headache”. I recognize that I am getting a stronger bridge to 5D or whatever realm is necessary to keep me not only surviving but THRIVING on this planet. and I am, indeed, thriving. because I feel amazing. ascension symptoms and all.

sit with your symptoms. do what is best for you. do not feel you need to follow a “logical” or socially acceptable way of living just because you are experiencing something that others are not. if I listened to the well-intended advice of others during my difficult time with these symptoms, I would barely be alive in any sense of the word. this is a personal experience and you have to decide what works for YOU. this is why I listed my experience with renting out my kitchen floor to pay my rent!

if you are experiencing very uncomfortable ascension symptoms, I hope this post helps you. look up other posts or pieces of info on ascension. it is a real thing. if your friends or colleagues think you are nuts, don’t share it with them. I promise you that a few tweaks and changes and you will be able to manage this. you are not alone. and those of us who are willing to wake up to this reality are best served. we are more than 3D physical matter.