the Dalai Lama, women’s looks, and the foolery of the human ego & body

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

inspired by ignorant trolling.

dear entire population of planet earth,

it is possible to be out-of-this-world intelligent, spiritual, talented, powerful, authoritative, authentic, unique, successful, AND…physically beautiful.

don’t get it? it’s ok. I did not get it either at one point.

for reference to my very personal experience and perspective on looks/aesthetics and all physical bodied things that the media manipulates us with, please refer to my in depth (and free — not all of them are anymore) article here.

challenges inspire me. ignorances inspires me. pains inspires me.

I have always been a deep person. MEANING, I have always, always weighed the core of a person first, versus their external appearance. however, like most human beings, I was brainwashed to believe that an individual (for the sake of this article and relative to the Dalai Lama comment, I will speak about “women” — so, whatever that means to YOU) — a woman — had to choose: am I smart, or am I beautiful?

clearly we all understand, to a degree, that advertising and the grand social and human (tech) experiment that we are all under is to thank for early life confusion around inner versus outer as it relates to our human experience. thankfully, I did NOT grow up with social media. I didn’t even have a cell phone in high school. so, with that said, I feel like I am between two generations in terms of HOW a person builds their identity, relative to our current/modern day world as it relates to societal messaging. so when I was young, many “moms” still stayed at home. while I can not speak for anyone else’s personal experience, I will say that my own (feel free to refer to any other blog post that will further inform you about my background) experience dictated brain VERSUS looks — brain OR looks — when it came to a “woman”. in conjunction with that, I was a surrogate wife for a male caretaker from a very young age, and I was told that although my female caretaker was “beautiful”, that she wasn’t smart. but that I WAS.

when I was 8, my head was shaved. I write about this in my other article. if you have any sort of a psych background, you can guess as to why that was mandated. the entire night before the big event (which, by the way, I HAVE COMPLETELY BLACKED OUT – I CAN NOT REMEMBER AND I WANT TO), I do remember crying myself to sleep. it wasn’t much different from any other night for me, except I felt that I was about to lose my identity. I did NOT want my shoulder length locks chopped. and, they were shaven. all the kids at school tortured me about it, and the “cut” happened twice. it was a buzz cut. everyone thought I was a boy. which, had I felt like a boy, would have been fine. but I didn’t feel like a boy.

as I grew up, and grew beyond having my essence and identity stripped in THAT way (among many others), I was constantly reminded of how smart I was (alternating in between beatings and punishments, for reasons I still can not recall). smart was all I had. “doing well” and making others happy was all I had. if I did not have that, and I was “beautiful”, then I would be forsaken. tossed aside. plus, I saw how fast “beauty” could disappear — with only a number 5 razor cutter! I HAD TO SHOW MY INTELLIGENCE! I did it, before age 15 when I quit everything, through sports music and academics. I constantly won awards. by the time I was a teenager, “things” started to catch up with me. I had little energy. I felt sick all of the time, more so than the regular feelings of fatigue and sickness as a child (I used to randomly vomit in the middle of the night, awoken that way straight out of my sleep). so I quit symphonic orchestra as a lead flautist. I quit the Varsity tennis team I made as a freshman, upon my sophomore year. I quit piano (I was classically trained and played by ear, and wrote my own music and lyrics). I stopped attending classes (I was voted “least likely to be seen”). when I was in school, I took long naps in the nurse’s office and needed notes for missed classes. I often slept through my first couple of classes despite drinking coffee. so, I sort of…”lost” all that I was praised for. and, I still just didn’t GET the looks thing…

as I “blossomed”, if you can call it that, I received male attention. quite frankly, I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t date or sleep around. I had a serious monogamous relationship for 3 years as my first relationship. but I embraced myself as “an attractive woman”. though, I could never fully “let go”. although many of my outfits were from a Britney Spears catalog circa 1999, and because well how fun was clubbing in the 90s and early 2000s before social media!?, I still needed to be “smart”. part of my way of managing that was to not date around or sleep around, even after my first break up. I can’t say that I regret it one way or another, what I “did not”, do. but I know that I was terrified of being judged for being beautiful. now, how to get around that judgement?

during my junior year in high school, one of my caretaker’s took my sister to a modeling casting call. I went along to support it. while there, the director of the agency gave me her card. I was one out of thousands in the long line wrapped around Time’s Square. I called her, I met her, she offered to work with me and pay me for a weekly gig (weekly runway shows at a restaurant for lunch), and I never went back. I turned down dozens of these sorts of opportunities in my teens and twenties. although it would have been perfectly acceptable for me to enjoy my “looks”, I could not bring myself to focus on that. one, because of my past. and two, because I wanted to show the world that the body we carry is NOT who we are. to this day, THAT is my mission. and, I am still working on the former. I am working on further embracing the silly “physical” package that we all place so much importance on. it fascinates me.

so when a troll (I do not open private messages on social media platforms, though I have sent them on rare occasion) online recently suggested that do not have a right to post “Vogue” photos of myself while being spiritual at the same time, I was…inspired.

if you read my post on the Kardashians here, you will understand what I think of a human body. it’s…just a human body. but we all know…that that is not how we FEEL. the human body does all kinds of things, because: procreation. obviously. and so we go in and out of ego, constantly. therein lying the IRONY I will present to this world.

when I started Healing Elaine®, I hid behind a middle name and NO PHOTO. for several years. to be perfectly clear, early on, I was TERRIFIED of anyone knowing what I looked like. why is that? partly because of all of the above — I know how people judge people. but also, because well, I did too, just a teeny bit. I judged mySELF. I still didn’t see how a woman could be beautiful AND spiritual. beautiful AND intelligent. because of all of the things that I mention above.

I no longer reside in the above space, mentally. one of the reasons that my protocol states I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU BEFORE I MEET YOU, it is because I am alive — which means I have ego, in order to actually physically STAY alive. which comes from experience. which translates to “logic”. I don’t want any logic for my sessions, that’s not how “it” works anyhow. so the more being, and the less human I can be, the best. and no longer residing in a space of confusion about whether I am “allowed” to be physically “beautiful” by society’s crazy standards and instructions, I am “out of the closet” in this way. I am not hiding. in fact, I am FULLY embracing all of me — body, mind and spirit. do you know what that really means?

it means breaking barriers. lots of people talk about folks like Marilyn Monroe being “feminist” figures — now no offense Ms. Norma Jean, the only things I have heard about you are that you slept around with other people’s men and were a Hollywood “sex symbol”. clearly, you were much more than that – we are not our physical. and while I place no judgement, I SAY, you were not known for your mind. so, how could we (society) ever combine both? many famous women “got there” because they got naked. this was also my greatest desire to NOT lead with — my appearance. the reason being, not that I thought it wrong — I do not find Marilyn Monroe to be wrong, I do not find stripping to be wrong, and I do not find anything that a “woman” wants to do with her body or how she wants to present it to be wrong. nope, not even one tinge of a bit. but for ME, for MY PURPOSE, I knew that I could not lead with that. and obviously, I never wanted to lead with it anyhow. and that, I knew, was important, because PEOPLE WOULD NOT GET IT. so I built an entire business first, which focuses solely on the intangible. the part that MATTERS in our human circus game of life. the part we overlook. the only part that matters. and I built it well. it spans all countries, all religions, all backgrounds, and of course hence, “looks”. the best part for me, for my heart, is that all of these people, the people I have worked with, knew me before they “saw” me. that feels like heaven to a girl like me, who just wanted to be SEEN as a small child — and not for her looks.

the Dalai Lama was once asked, “if you could reincarnate as anything or anyone, what and who would it be?” – he answered, “a beautiful woman. because then everyone would listen to me”. I will let you ponder that quote on your own.

my point is, I am just now real-time old enough to “know a lot” – yet still young enough to be “relevant” (thanks, mainstream media and beauty industry) because of how I look physically. I will take advantage of both of those things at the same time. I will not feel guilty about it. I know that one of those things isn’t real. and as I do not hold back, hopefully I set a new standard for how the world relates to tangible and intangible “beauty”.

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so, you take issue with the Kardashians? the joke is on you.

so, you take issue with the Kardashians? the joke is on you.


photo by Babita Patel, April 2017 – blog post from May 2016

when we are obsessively focused upon someone or something, the joke is always on us. it doesn’t matter whether this focus is negative or positive. we might come up with many “logical” reasons as to “why” xyz person or persons “affect us” or “others” (there is no such thing as being concerned that someone or something is affecting others if we do not first believe that it somehow affects us) and use that as our excuse for focus. what we are missing, during our “logical” over-focus either negatively or positively upon a person(s), is that 1) everything we see/focus upon is a reflection of ourSELF and ourselves – period. the collective reflection. no matter how great in number, size, power, etc that person or thing is. 2) everything we see/focus upon is an OPPORTUNITY to learn. but because many of us live so much in the ego, in the 3d realms, we can’t hear our own truth or see the bigger picture.

since forever ago, people and ideas have been in place in society thanks to the Universe in order to test us individually. and, conversely, the people put in place in order to test us have their own tests. it is never a one way street. these tests grow and expand us so that we may look within for greater (real) happiness. the Kardashians, as a modern-day example, represent many things, as well as excellent tests that exist for a myriad of reasons. for one, they test the human ego in terms of helping us to know that we are “enough” as we are. when we resent something in the 3d ego world: looks, status, money and the like, we are resenting the very opportunity within ourselves to ever achieve peace and balance with that “thing” we resent. we can not resent something and receive it at the same time! I have had friends who complain CONSTANTLY about money, and the “1%”. do you think those friends will EVER be happy or even stable within their own personal confines as long as they are complaining because they are negatively focused? no (it is also irrelevant, by the way, “right” or “wrong” when we are overly-focused whether we are negatively overly-focused or positively overly-focused, it doesn’t matter – over-focus is a state of being in which we are taken completely out of our core SELF, which is where the focus should be. on the SELF. otherwise we are just spinning our wheels). do I agree with the issues that some of my friends in the above example raise? maybe. also maybe not. do I share their same negative focus? no way! this negative focus isn’t even a REAL negative focus, by the way…it is a form of self-escapism. as long as we can BLAME another person for our issues, we get to be like convenient Christians or Catholics! – we don’t have to do the self WORK.

when we look at the example of the Kardashians, we see a few obvious things at first: we see physical aesthetics, we see riches, we see fame, and we see attention. when we are out of alignment with our own story, those things take on different meanings to each of us. if we feel we are never “enough” in one or all of these categories that we covet, comment on negatively or obsess over, guess what? the joke is on us to throw shade or hate! what we should be doing is THANKING these people, the Kardashians or whomever in the like capacity, for highlighting what does not work and is stuck inside of US. NOTHING can make us feel badly about ourselves unless we already agree to that thing we say makes us feel bad. no one can make us feel bad about ourselves unless we already agree with them – whether they are saying it directly, or we perceive them to be saying it. in a way, modern-day social media is doing us a favor; it is reflecting back lots of “ideals” to help us wake up and contend with our own inner demons. so whether we “idolize” someone or “hate” them, the joke is on us.

let me explain what I mean by the word joke. I say it is a joke, because the over-focus of people I hear obsessively complain about or obsessively envy the Kardashians and others in their position, is exactly the blessing in disguise. what these complainers or copycats are getting either way is a match in the outer world to an inner belief that they need to contend with. if you ask me, the so-called negativity of social media, reality TV and so on is part of our planet’s awakening. those of us who are able to realize that the reason we focus negatively upon another person or persons is born out of our own inner lack are in a great position to wake up. those of us who are able to realize that the reason we focus in an idolizing or copycat fashion is born out of our own need to see how amazing WE already are, are in a great position to wake up. again: either focus, negative or positive, is focus and we get what we focus on. I have said this in many other blog posts: where attention goes, energy flows. if you don’t like that thing you are so focused upon, ask yourself WHY you are so focused upon that thing, and how that thing might actually SERVE you.

as a side note, and kind of an unnecessary one to explaining how our focus is born out of our own inner world and how it is actually a gift or blessing in disguise, I will say that the person or thing that we are so focused upon has its OWN lessons. we might think that something or someone who drives us to feel so strongly inside has infinite power or power over us in some way. of course that is not true. ALL THINGS ARE RELATIVE. all blessings are relative. how could we assume that, for example, all of their relative success/access/etc (whatever we want to deem as important to us) does not come with an equal amount of tests of its own? we assume that life is easy for those we covet, envy or focus upon, then again, the joke is on us. the Universe is built in terms of relativity. for every huge blessing, there are lessons of initiation around it. who is to say that, despite whether we feel negatively or positively about the Kardashians or anyone else like them, we would ever be able to handle their blessings given the laws of relativity? it is suffice to say that MANY of us could NEVER handle what they have, EVEN IF they themselves have created it or it has been created for them. we do not ever know the exact reasons or divine plans the Universe has for certain people and matters in the press, other than the fact that for “better” or “worse” they are here to serve us and reflect our individual and collective issues. now, whether self-perpetuated or not in a public fashion, that’s a huge energetic responsibility these people have. again: this is a neutral and energetic perspective, not a dissection of people or events. when we ZOOM OUT in this way, we can see the bigger picture and not get wrapped in the tiny details that are, again, designed and there to test us like the joker.

anything or anyone who has ever affected me negatively or positively in my life, I say thank you to it/them. saying thank you inside or directly to them does NOT mean that I always agree with what they have done. but we reach a certain level of self-introspection where we realize that the Universe has actually designed ALL things to help us, if we can figure out what that blessing is. by staying attached or focused upon something or someone in the outside world, we are again being convenient Christians/Catholics. all of the real juice is withIN us. if we dare to exercise our inner divine muscles.

in some ways, I am really glad I did not grow up with social media and even the internet until I was almost an adult. I look at many of today’s millennials and I have no idea whether they are humans or robots. I probably missed this boat by about 8 years. there is such a disconnect between many of their views on the world and mine, simply due to the fact that social media exists. however, I am not suggesting or blaming social media for causing something bad – in fact, it is quite the opposite. if we can see how disconnected we are and how out of touch we are with our higher selves, perhaps only then can a true individual and collective awakening take place. when I see how affected young girls (or even women!) are by electronic devices and the lives of others, I see that what once took lifetimes is happening instantly: ego destruction. the ego must eat us and destroy us in order to be transcended (this is a separate blog, by the way, the impact of social media on our culture).

the best thing we can ever do when something “affects us” individually or collectively, is THANK IT. if you are feeling “but….” or “if…..” or “how…..” during or after reading this blog relative to believing or taking issue with how/why the Kardashians or others like them are in some way harmful to society or to those you know, remember one thing: nothing can negatively affect us unless we have an individual or collective need for that person or thing to “negatively” affect us…and, in doing so, it will ALWAYS be reflecting the very thing we need to heal from within OURSELVES. that, my friends, is called AWAKENING and HEALING. otherwise, the joke is on us.

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