©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini
each of us has a particular area of our life in which we experience such consistent adversity (this could be health, work, romance, social or otherwise) that for us to imagine being on the “other side” of it almost feels too good to be true. and, when the possibility of a different reality than we are used to (a different reality would be a good reality) presents, we may run away from it initially. or, we may run away from it forever if we have not done the inner work to confront ourselves. we always run from that which resides super close to home — and all thought forms and patterns are extremely close to home. it’s why people can spend 40 years in therapy and get nowhere — the mind will hide from itself at all costs.
I’ve gone over and over and over — in my many other articles and books — how the mind and energetic body work in tandem to prevent a new thought form from forming. and while I will reiterate some of that in this post, some of what will be new is an anecdote or two which may be helpful or relatable.
in the early 00s, I met a young man who, archetypally, was my perfect match. I remember calling my closest people and telling them that I had met my husband. and I believe, to this day, that had certain shadows of self been confronted by him, that we would be a unit. but to quickly digress here, I understand and know that it was not fated/destined. fate and destiny are never, ever destroyed. on the way there though, lots of things get destroyed and for good reason — to teach us. at any rate, one might say that our initial encounter was seemingly fated. we actually met before we met in person (no, it wasn’t online dating) — as in I knew who he was and kept seeing his picture — and when we met in person by chance, we spoke for many hours nearly without breath. the romance was glorious, fast and furious. if there were ever to be a knowing within me, that was the knowing. I recall as we spent nearly a full week together without leaving the house, something he said to me that would stick with me forever though mostly in the back of my mind. as I was giggling away one afternoon he just stared at me. and then he said “I can see why someone would never let you go, and also why someone would be so afraid to be your boyfriend”. at the time, I really didn’t get it. as fate would have it, he broke my heart as I found out that we met while he was actually in another relationship in another city but for some crazy reason he thought he would get sucked into the vortex that was me. and I knew that my number one requirement in any relationship was trust so that no matter how intensely I felt for him, that “we” could never ever exist again on this human plane. but it was his words on that one afternoon that kept moving through me for years to come.
his father was a notorious womanizer and drug Lord. although the young man was and is, I believe, fundamentally different, the marks and patterning that were all around him and therefore WITHIN him during his most formative years and well, prevalent in his / perceived survival from his first breath, were no match for his intrinsic self. his intrinsic self took a backseat to his beliefs and, as I predicted exactly at the time of my heartbreak, HE NEVER CHANGED THEM. the difficulty for me, which is something that I cover in many sessions, was seeing his potential. and let me be real. I believe in reality not potential. but…I see potential. perhaps as strongly or more so than anyone who has ever walked this planet. it’s the bane of my work and how so many “overnight turnarounds” happen. they happen because I see potential. and they happen because I can discern potential from reality a mile away — and also teach it. so something really fortunate occurred for me at a young age. I knew what choices someone would make for the rest of their life. and I knew that no matter how perfect this young man could POTENTIALLY be, that he would never be it because of that one choice he made when fate decided to give us an experience. one of the ways that I realize now in retrospect that I was being communicated with resided within his comment that never left me and only got louder over time.
his comment was stacked with information about how he saw the world. in all of our mutual glory as we coexisted in our 3-4 month whirlwind out of this world romance and intellectual explosion, he was telling me that he could not take a risk to experience his potential. he was telling me that he was just like his father. he was telling me how scary it would have been to live another reality. and while I may not have deciphered that via “the comment”, I certainly deciphered it based on the simple truths and hard-to-digest actions on his part. but let me go to the in retrospect understanding of “the comment”.
after treating thousands of individuals at their deepest core resonances, one thing I know is that to change one’s reality is really one in a few million. as in, it’s so scary to the mind to accept new realities after it has been conditioned (for better or for worse — but inflexible conditioning is ALWAYS THE WORST and we see this all around us societally now) that almost no one is able to do it. there is a reason that, for example, extremely “intelligent” people return time and time and time again to abuse — in more ways than one. it’s not that they aren’t smart, and in many cases it’s because they are smart. so my experience, in aiding someone else to literally have a new experience that may seem “too good to be true” is the entire enchilada. and I know what makes people able and not able to do it. and so after all of these years of doing the work that I do, I think about comments like that of one of my loves of my life. comments that years later reveal so much more than what they revealed at the time they were said.
at the time of the end of this particular relationship — which ended because I was shocked to find an ugly truth and so I ended it — I grappled with “why”. that’s where heartbreak comes from, right? it’s the “why” that plagues us. this relationship certainly plagued me with wondering “why”, when everything aside from the ugly truth (which by the way also IS EVERYTHING) was so…perfect. what a waste, I thought. and what a disappointment, I felt, because no matter what this person said or did (and they said and did a lot — as of just a few years ago they were contacting me!), that ship had sailed. and when it sailed, I had some choice words for this person. I still have those words. they spelled out exactly what this person would do in the category of relationships for the rest of their life. and they did exactly that. prophetic? nah, I was just seeing truth. like I always do. for me, it was natural. I saw where things would go and how separate from my life this person’s issues were. I never questioned for a moment whether I was right or not, because it extended beyond believing. it’s why I didn’t try and get married in my 20s – the right person wasn’t there yet. I understood that listening to God’s (I’m not talking religion) plan is more important than my own plan, and that because I am in tune (aka honest) with myself, I will know when my ship comes in. I knew that this particular ship had sailed and for good reason. I just didn’t know why…
I hurt over that relationship for many years. it would be a decade before I would come close to that level of “match”. I tried so hard to reconcile the “why”, and I was grateful that I didn’t allow biology to drag me through a divorce in order to satisfy my need to know “why”. and in time, through the grace and experience with Healing Elaine® work, I began to hear his comment differently.
his comment, paired with his actions, were everything. as I revisited our time and place together, it was like watching an old movie again but for the first time. replaying that moment in my mind and heart, I “heard” him through that comment. he was saying so loudly to me, “I’m scared. I will always be scared. I talk more than I walk. I can’t be your partner I don’t know how. I am afraid of you because you represent goodness. I see our potential and I can’t change my unconscious patterning because it is so ingrained. my entire identity is wrapped up in that of my father, whom I admire. my mother will always take care of me. I can take care of women. but I can’t. I just don’t believe in my own intrinsic self. you are goodness. you are too good for me. I am not goodness, at least not in the way that I say I am. I am telling you who I am so that you don’t marry me and regret the next twenty years of your life. I’m telling you who I am right now. I don’t believe I can change. and I don’t believe this because you scare me. what is good for me scares me and it always will”. I began to hear the real dialogue, so many years later, after I had begun to understand my own self worth and value. when people say “it’s not you it’s me” in a sense or so, they are usually telling you the truth. my love interest didn’t say that exactly, but he did in more cryptic terms. as they say, people tell you who they are all of the time if you are really listening. part of me was listening that day, thankfully. and the rest of me that could hear my own value in new ways years later, listened and listens.
when a new reality that opposes the past but yet MATCHES us on an intrinsic level presents itself to us, we run. again — although we are supposedly all wired with the ability to change patterns, so few of us do. and yes there are reasons for that which are an entirely different blog post. and in this case, despite the incredible and actual potential of this person I was with, I saw the soul’s lazy choice not to level up and match their potential. and, to a degree, I understood this — because I suffered from that as well, just more so in other categories of my life. for some reason, and most peculiarly, I was always able to let go and fully experience all joy that there was to experience in a romantic partnership (assuming that, in that partnership, there was in fact joy! I chose more than one that was totally…joyless). this rendezvous was no different. I enjoyed experiencing every part of myself in it. it was in other or perhaps simply more nuanced areas of my life, that I struggled with embracing something “new”. something too good to be true.
for example when I left my childhood city and home I was terrified of good things and I was terrified of succeeding. like, AT ALL. that would have meant I was sovereign or entitled to myself on some level, which I had NEVER felt before and worked years to understand and achieve. so, I “got” where this young man who made the comment was coming from, to a degree. and now I understand more full-circle my ability to peg someone’s (usually anyone’s) free will decision to change or not versus live in “hope” or delusion. on a strictly energetic level back then, I knew and it’s why I wrote it down. I just finally came full circle with how I knew — as it was paired with experience via HE™ as well as my own fate and destiny. the “why” of that event was something I was able to heal, and also something that fascinated me in terms of karma and destiny since this young man was one of the most incredible people I had ever met — at least, the potential that he truly walked with was (do not confuse actual potential with psychic potential – big difference and you can reference my eBooklet 2 for more on that notion).
as the scope of limitless potentials and domains would have it, I came across another version of this young man exactly eleven years later (and within a week of meeting this young man, young man number one had reached out to reconnect — uncanny). he was the same age as myself and my prior love interest, in the early 00s. he had the same birthmark on his face as this man. he had the same haircut as this man. he was exactly the same height. their voices sounded the same. they started the same occupations/trades fresh out of college. and, young man number two had ALL of the same characteristics as the first man intellectually, spiritually, and otherwise. varying only slightly was his trauma and committed-to patterning that would hold him back (forever). and it was the same sort of meeting/coming together. I met this person in the light of day and he looked at me like he knew me forever. the first words out of his mouth in my direction were that he knew what I did for work. he could literally “see” me. we talked for like five or six straight hours following that very first encounter. and the next night we talked for about eight, again in person. I held back from diving into the dreamland that I dove into with Romeo from the early 00s, because something told me to. and by our third date, I knew why. as we sat in a historic bar and sipped on Manhattans, he got that look over his face that I had seen only once before. he looked…vulnerable. raw. open. and then he said it: “I’m afraid that this is a trick”. he was holding my hand like he was holding onto dear life. our conversation and connection not only mimicked that of my early 00s experience, but it actually went even deeper. after all, it was a different time. even if he was twelve years younger than me. I was back with that other experience, and this time I heard what he was saying loud and clear. he was saying “I have trauma that I am afraid of. you represent the opposite of that trauma. I am too scared, particularly due to our connection, to stay with you. I will hurt you. maybe not today, but soon. don’t get too close to me. I can’t be who I am supposed to be in this life. I want to be but I just won’t.” and while I didn’t run away at that moment, I proceeded super super slow and with caution. I didn’t want to give any of myself away because within me I just “knew” better. I HEARD him. I heard him in a way that my intellect was eclipsed a little over ten years prior. then I heard the first comment and the young man who made it, again. “thank you”, I thought. but, as I was the first time, I became incredibly confused. I was confused because I wasn’t certain of his trauma, and what refused his mind from changing to a new reality.
everything about embracing a new reality is life or death to the physical human system. it just is. and when we have been violated, it’s nearly impossible. BUT. it does happen. if we are honest, and if we are courageous. otherwise no way and we repeat the same patterns forever. the younger we are, the easier it is to change. many of us never do. like the young man from the early 00s, and like the one I met ten-plus years later. the second young man hurt as much, but differently, than the first young man. perhaps it was mixed up with the first hurt and that was why. or perhaps it was because there was much more depth to the trauma of the second young man, and something even my own mind didn’t want to consider or process — for him, or for myself and my own life betrayals on the most foundational of levels. either way, I listened this time. I observed and I tried to be just friends with this young man. but I couldn’t do it, it was too painful. I told myself that I would do exposure therapy on myself with him because I needed to figure out what it was that was so triggering and difficult. I did my best. but all I saw was the unused potential. it burned like a stake in my heart. I didn’t want to keep doing the exposure therapy, and most of all I didn’t want to expose myself to wasted potential. and that is what he was. and I vowed to wait again, until my heart sang in that very way as it did with him and the young man from the early 00s before I pulled the romance trigger. I knew that testing fate was wrong, and I knew that I was being tested to develop faith. something we so so lack as individuals and as a collective.
developing faith has always been my best navigation tool and it has come with heaps of rewards. faith is perhaps the only cure for not allowing our reality to shift due to our algorithmic programming. but faith is not laying out in instruction manuals all over creation. faith is specific. both of the men I met lacked faith. and so they lacked a whole bunch else. faith is the first step to not being a controlling person, controlled by the unconscious. and I saw how faith presented me new realities that the people I had loved so, so much, missed out on.
my therapist recently referred to a cliff that one had no choice but to walk off of. and when they did, they found a walkway. that is what I feel faith is. I always took the leaps of faith, but it scared me to death. in my mind and heart, nothing could ever be as bad as it once was for me, when I literally did have no control over my life because my life was on the line if I were to consider being sovereign. perhaps that level of adversity is what was required to take a back seat to faith. when we walk off the cliff, we have not jumped — we have finally walked without expecting to jump/fall. this is where faith and a NEW REALITY intersect.
when faith and a new reality intersect, we do not talk about being afraid anymore. all of the fear has been pitted away in tragedy and disappointment. how lucky might we be, to experience such specific patterning to the degree that there is no fear left in that domain of our life? again — health, personal, and so on in terms of patterning. at the end of the day, our external and physical life is always an extension of our deepest core beliefs and patterning. and when a new reality presents, the notion of “this must be a trick” is a subtle feeling, but not an over thought or comment.
this is a step beyond “making it out of trauma”. or, it is a step beyond what is our current reality and then we process the trauma later because the profound paranoia or fear of it being a trick is not triggered. either way, the idea that it is too good to be true is there but it is subtle. quiet. like a one hit wonder song that plays quietly in the background. when it is subtle but it does not get in the way, it is no longer a fear. it is a new reality for us, waiting in the wings. I suppose that each of the young men that I talk about here were not close to their new realities and I don’t see either of them ever being so. it’s not much of an opinion of mine, but rather an intuition. I had so wished for them, to have their new realities: trust, love, and full experience of themselves on all levels.
recently I found myself on the other side of “this must be a trick” thinking, in one domain of my life. I realized how much this area of my life had in common with the young men as far as their romantic life was concerned. there was a period of time in which “this must be a trick” came up for me repeatedly, and held me back. and I vowed to never be held back in the way that I saw those young men reject their potential. because at the end of the day, it was all the same thing. we were each and all doing the same thing but just in different ways. and when I made it to the other side of “this must be a trick”, there was the subtle thought but zero fear. and I mean, zero. I spoke differently about what was once a fear, aka old reality. and that is how I knew it had changed, that my new reality was here, and that it was not a trick.
jumping realities aka profoundly healing the unconscious is so rare. it’s why we are so politically divided at the moment. we are addicted to “what we know to be true”. it’s so amusing and also exhausting for me to watch. but we are heading into a new territory via time and space which supports and also commands in a new reality, so it will be interesting to see who progresses and who regresses because the oil and water is for sure.
“it’s too good to be true – it must be a trick” feeling and speaking…pay attention to what people say. it has so much information. and if you can not understand it at the time, wait…the answers will surely come as you connect more to your own truth. and in doing so, you will know who is afraid — who is in another reality — and who is not. most importantly, you.