photo by Pia Oyarzun @madeinwater
I have never written about this in real time before. but I have the time and space to do so today.
as it does for each and every imminent healing session, so began the bodily alerts on behalf of the next person I am supposed to speak with and see. this morning it started in my neck and right shoulder. I felt the phantom pain enter the right side of the top of my body. it slipped into me like these alerts always do, both subtly and prominently — subtly in that I was not doubled over in crippling pain, and prominently in that I knew this phantom pain did not belong to ME. when the pain does belong to me, it has a very different way of connecting to my body. that said, there are times when I have walked around with an alert of this nature for an entire week before seeing someone in my office and knowing instantly that this was my download of information for them; when this happens, whatever pains or alerts came over me vanish the moment I see them. I never cease to laugh and be amazed by this process. when the above vanishes upon seeing someone for the first time and knowing what has been for them versus me, this is the prominent side of the knowing – even if the information entered in the subtlest of ways.
so this morning, I knew instantly that I am supposed to return a call and schedule a session — I knew because of this phantom pain. within this phantom pain is stored information, which I will explain in a moment. one of the reasons that I do not book out very far in advance, or have back to back sessions, is because of the way I interpret the information that I receive through my body; it is easier to carry, interpret and transmute one person at a time. if I were to schedule someone far in advance (which I don’t do), let’s say for example a month, I would literally carry their burden through my body (and astral field) that entire time. and, without my daily understanding of exactly what does not belong to me, it would have the potential to manifest into something that ended up belonging to me – this can never happen.
not only do I carry the physical burden for others that begins as information, but I also carry the emotional and cognitive information that reaches me in order for me to help them with their unconscious battlefield. again, similar to the physical information I receive, I have to also sort through the emotions and thoughts that present to me as information so that I know what is not mine. thankfully, knowing what is not mine is something that I have been forced to master over and over again starting from an early age. I was set up with the most trying of circumstances in order to do what I do now, and that curse has turned into a true gift that I can use to be of assistance to others. it is not always easy, as I need more alone time than the average person and probably more sleep as well. but I would not trade it for the world. it surprises me every single session, though there has never been one session where I felt confused about the information I received for someone and exactly what they were dealing with and how I could help them. I have never been nervous for a session, not even once, because of the clarity of what I experience in advance. what I receive is not an opinion: it is a knowing.
going back to the phantom pain that I received this morning; the right side of the body is male. as this information moves throughout my neck and shoulder (even as I type), I am clear that the person I will see next (I have no idea who it will be — I have not even scheduled yet) will be contending with quite the male energy of burden. depending on who I connect with and when I see them, the information will become even clearer over the next day or so. I will begin to know details about this burdensome energy, even exactly who it is and why. this information serves as a clue to potentially assisting them in understanding their physical health, and of course the most prominent aspect of this clue relates to the burden that they are carrying in their unconscious mind. when I begin a session, it’s like all of the lights on the grid pop and I see electrical currents running from the patient to each and every person in their life – past and present. the entire puzzle becomes instantly clear.
along with the physical from above, there is the emotional and cognitive — as well as the situational! yes, the situational. prior to a session, people, events and situations in the immediate life of the person that I am to see literally show up in my life. for example: one time I worked with a well known person who was dealing with a major stalking situation. that week, I also had a stalker. this person would pass by my home and office looking to bump into me, and on the day of the session my own stalker situation was at it’s peak. knowing nothing about my patient prior or the fact that they had a stalker, I wasn’t sure what part of my life was connected to theirs to simply give me info for the session, and what part of my situation was there for me to learn something specific as it relates to me on a personal or unconscious level. well, it was both reasons. it often is when the gravity of a situational alert is that strong. as far as the emotional and cognitive alerts are concerned, it can be like a cloud settling in over my mind and heart. I may feel depressed, heavy, and my mind will center around or ruminate specifically upon a particular idea; again, I have to get clear on the fact that it may not belong to me — and the minute I begin a session I see immediately that absolutely none of it did. yes, it can feel like being used as a voodoo doll for others. but, I would still not change it because I am grounded and strong and sane enough to handle it.
perhaps had I not been through so much so early on in life, broken so many times and in unthinkable ways, I would not be able to do this work. as a child, I wondered why things were such a way. I prayed for escape and abduction on a regular basis because of how mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually exhausted I was all of the time. I would go into my church’s basement and cry screaming cries, begging God to please change things. I remember screaming WHY!!?? at the top of my lungs during Christmas church services as I hyperventilated with a wet face. in my now life, I can revisit that moment and let that young child know exactly “why”. it is all for what I do now. and I am lucky. I was not supposed to be one of the permanently broken ones on this planet. I was instead given the opportunity to be one of the healthiest and strongest people I know. there was a stretch of time when I never thought that was the case or would be the case. because I was sorting through massively conditioned debris that I can still barely believe or comprehend occurred for me. and thank God for a good clinical shrink — the woman I see, nearly twice my age, actually understands firsthand many of my esoteric experiences as they relate to my work! not to mention my early life experiences.
everything we think, everything we feel, and everything we experience is all interconnected to our past present and future. all at once. each “thing” (emotionally, cognitively, physically or situationally) carries a boatload of valuable information, if only we are willing to sort through it. that means different things for each of us. but nothing is happenstance; it is those of us who dare to dig deeper, to understand deeper and think beyond the confines of what we have been told is true, who find our pathways to the most peaceful and fulfilling lives. some folks judge the quality of their life on their reputation, their lifestyle, their work success, their appearance, their “family”, their “friends” and so on — I judge mine on my measure of internal peace. I could go anywhere and be happy. alone or otherwise. it is an unshakeable peace that I now OWN. it was when I began asking deeper questions and dared to challenge all that I had been taught, that real peace came. peace is how we sleep at night. peace is how we love others. peace is the buzz we get in the middle of the day for no reason. peace is the open heart that desires to share it’s message with the world. for me, peace is how a session begins for me before I even book it.