what happens when you ASSume things about others / how it relates to your EGO

photo by Jennifer Santaniello

in my life, one thing has remained constant: those who hurt me the most are those who I not only believed in the most, but whom I GAVE the most to. and I understand perfectly well why this could/would happen. EGO. and its convenient desire to ASSume in order to distance itself from truth. much of which I will discuss below.

people hurt us, not for the sake of hurting us — but rather for the sake of “proving” untrue that which threatens their egos. let me explain. if Jane grows up being abused by those who are supposed to love her the most, her entire being has committed itself to betrayal — just in order to SURVIVE. survival alone, for Jane, means committing herself to self-harm or betrayal by others. she may even fancy demeaning “creativity” as “fun”. as Jane grows and yearns to stop repeating certain patterns, she consciously or logically seeks love from others — teachers, lovers and friends. however, when actual love or truth begin to reach Jane BEYOND a surface or cognitive level, her unconscious (aka ego — which EVERY human has in spades so no, you can’t ohm yourself out of having it) mind does a karate chop and will create a story in effort to avert her core’s growth. Jane might read every spiritual book on the planet, travel to spiritual places, and even think that she is leading a spiritual life. but in reality, her ego adrenaline is charging in accordance with that which has kept it alive all along: betrayal. in this sense, when actual love or truth begin to hit Jane BEYOND surface level, she is threatened by it and must paint it black. it will take many, many attempts and experiences for Jane to come to terms with what she is actually doing. as she is on her journey to actually loving herself (this takes years — not weeks or months after recovering from trauma — it’s called a lifelong journey and our reason for breathing/existing), she will turn her back on that/who/what IS actual love or truth, over and over again — veiling it with a label of danger or deceit or disappointment. she will in turn seek out that which unconsciously feels familiar, but that which LOOKS/appears to be safe. this is pure ego, masquerading as “higher consciousness”. Jane has fooled herself, for a number of months or years, again, until she comes full circle back to the starting point of her test. (please read Dancing The Dream again!).

I’ve seen the above 1000s of times in humans. and, at some point, in myself. what we fail to understand is how our mind and adrenaline operate, because we live in a world of insta-everything. healing is not insta. there isn’t anything cool about it, either. there isn’t anything cool about being a “master” anything in the healing arts. healing is not taught. healing is only experienced from deep within the core of one’s very OWN soul — and no one can beat the clock on that in terms of what the Universe has in store in order to balance ego/consciousness/spirit accordingly or at the same speeds. we are at a disability when we out-intellectualize healing or try to understand it from a philosophical perspective. I have met so many smart (young) people who, with all that they “know” (thanks, internet), believe that they have “arrived” spiritually. and they have told me so. only for me to sit back and watch them fall into a steeper ditch than they imagined (often steeper than before they came to me for help), with the same lesson presented harder, so that they can learn to sense and operate from their core versus their ego mind that was trained upon certain patterns that are not shifted by reading a book or sensing someone’s energy. the point that we go to actually escape our processes bewilders me, and I have seen and felt the response in others as they avert, by avoiding and even hating that which spooked their ego into better alignment with their soul. (by the way, falling into a steeper ditch is not a fail but rather a win — so long as you are willing to look at it!)

for example. I was trained to run only toward things that were bad for me or did not serve me. or abused me. of course, I did not know this was my algorithm in my younger years, as it had only been set at one speed since I took my first breath. and I recall, in retrospect, coming across some people and situations that were truly of spiritual (not ego) benefit for me. I recall engaging in those situations, because on a spirit level I was a match, and then running from them — because ego-wise I was not yet a match. because I was trained oppositely ego-wise. this was not something my mind could overcome. no one’s mind can just overcome it. one can only move THROUGH it. with no shortcuts. my point is, the moment that I was in the presence of something that I had NEVER known (authentic love and truth), my spirit loved it and my ego hated it. then ensued the battle. I would default, in my early days (20s!, especially), to my ego. my ego would make up pretty amazing stories and rationale for disallowing authentic love and truth — via all human relationships — in my life. my spirit craved love and truth, yet my ego would default to what was “comfortable” — or familiar. that said, what was “comfortable”, looked to be ON THE OUTSIDE ONLY very “different” than the hurtful or scary experiences from the past. and that was the biggest problem of all. I was ASSuming, based on my human (not my spirit’s) perception, that things were now “different” because they LOOKED different. oh how wrong that is. oh, human ego.

the truth is, things are different only when we cease all unwanted patterns. and that is a chemical response that takes both time and work to correct into a healthy algorithm. as long as any unwanted patterns are in our life, we are committed to a false truth. in which we slide back into exactly the same patterns just using new faces to keep us up with the lie that things are ok…for a time. and then things implode again. and then we repeat it. until we do not…

the problem with ASSuming things about other people, is that we do not know which part of us is ASSuming. it’s nearly always our ego. because if we even have to make a judgement, versus flow with it, that is force at its finest. and when we ASSume about another person something to be true, especially because of good old gossip (aka cancer) or something another person said, we are royally screwing ourselves because we can not hear our core speaking to us.

I have literally experienced this first-hand as a healer. only to have the person profusely apologize later. in one case a year later. for example. in one healing I had done, the person had been sexually abused by their opposite sex parent. I knew it upon seeing them. I didn’t say it when I was working with them. and when I first saw this person, I sensed both their spirit’s desperation for me to help them, and their ego’s commitment for ME to be their abuser. imagine that! but yes! this can happen, by the way, to any therapist or healer who is diving in substantially to the psych field as I do with another person who is lost/confused/in need (another reason, by the way, that I am hanging up the mainstream healer hat. time for a break from the crucifix). anyhow, for a strong moment or longer, this patient and I connected to the same truth and I saw their body/mind/spirit line up all at once. they saw the truth as I had intuited, without my commentary, and began to recall it verbally. as a younger healer at the time, I was so excited to see that this person was “seeing the light!” “hooray!”. I thought they were ready (I would later read MY lesson in Dancing The Dream!). in the following days, their “clarity” was new and exciting and they could not wait to begin their new life, even with the hard truth’s they had recalled on their own (in the presence of my offering of energetic truth/held space). however, as they got closer to happiness and liberation that was starting to CHANGE their life, they began to act funny. retract. they reached out to OTHER patients of mine (who of course, contacted me about it) to question MY truth or authenticity. oy vey. they were having an allergic reaction to the changing algorithm of their ego adrenaline. and, sometimes people can actually have a breakthrough at this point, whereas others go backwards. well this one went backwards. they were once again in contrast between their human world and their spirit world. and in order to keep their ego adrenaline or human world happy in a case such as this, they MUST make everything black or white. in this case, I would be black, and their abuser would be white again. do you know how hard it is to actually overcome abuse? it is EXTREMELY HARD. when people claim to heal overnight, they do not know what they are talking about.

the ego will talk us backwards to any pattern that has kept us at a certain rhythm since birth. the journey is knowing WHEN it is talking us backwards. it is in this way that I have to be so careful in my own life as a healer not to take things personally. I have to remember that people are dealing with chemicals, not opinions. and we as people will seek out ANY ASSumption possible to prevent ourselves from breaking coursing (survival) adrenaline patterns. good or bad. when I was younger, not only did I experience not knowing who to trust (as my ego automatically rejected anything that was good/true), I experienced friends and potential romantic partnerships do the same to me. “you’re too good to be true — so you must be lying” — I heard that on more than one occasion. I recall meeting a wonderful man who had everything going for himself (actually this happened more than once); he seemed to have the world in his hand. and deep down, I knew that he had been molested by a female family member. I never brought it up. as we became closer, this seemingly very intelligent, attractive and worldly man began to look at me with fear. ME. the person who would not hurt a fly. the person who was always blamed for everything and just wanted love myself. and I heard for the first time in my life “you’re scary — because you can’t be real”. the fact that I operated with truth and love was so scary to this person, and countered every early life experience on this planet, that they went from throning me to trashing me. it was also the first time in my life that I realized this was not personal — I could see the energy field around it as it pertained to the psychological and emotional bodies. it made me realize that those I nearly broke my back for early on in my days of healing, who later thought negatively about me, were not opposed to me — but rather the truth that would continue to threaten their survival. maybe forever.

I’ve been fortunate enough in my own life to learn to deeply and unconsciously trust (still working on that as best I can) and to trust mySELF (major upcoming blog coming on that, by the way!), so that I don’t have to live in alignment with old ego chemicals. I’ve also been fortunate enough to attract mainly people who are far along enough on both their human AND spirit journeys (using spirit to overshadow human is a big, big mistake — the cost of spiritual bypassing is great) who don’t blame me when their old patterns want to either blame or peg me as something other than what I am. this is partially what has concerned me about coming out of the closet, as I realize that some people, as soon as they see me in an environment different than the one we met, will turn on me/change their opinion of me due to ego. something happened recently with someone I worked with who I really adored, which really disappointed me — and I had to realize again what I am good at realizing most of the time: someone’s “sudden” opinion about me, not based at all on our interactions but rather on later interactions of their own mind’s battle against itself and/or fueled by others who can’t trust themselves and therefore certainly not someone like me, has nothing to do with who or what I am. and I had to realize my inherent ability and tendency to look only at the higher self and potential, versus the actual human. I’m still learning to see in that light. it can be very hard at times not to take things personally with the work that I do, because it has oddly (or not) been proven to me over and over again that the people I went out of my way the most for (key phrase for my own learning too — “went out of my way the most for” — why did I do that? because I knew I was trying to fix something that was not in my hands — ego-check right there!), seem to want to blame me for something. this, by the way, also ties to a VERY old pattern I absorbed since birth, one that threatened my very breath if I did not internalize it, and so I have been working on erasing this energy signature. and that erasure is part of another blog post as I am digesting a recent breakthrough along the line of that pattern.

as I see this pattern leave me, I see evidence ALL around me of what that pattern represented: in the form of people. and their actions and words toward me. it never ceases to amaze me as to how obvious the carnage of pattern-breaking actually is, and how ALL of the many different people I’ve been in contact with respond during such a time. thank you to those who have made it harder, and thank you equally to those who have made it easier! because either way, it JUST IS. and I expand from that.

what I will say to anyone in a position of spirit and ego dissonance (if you are alive and breathing, you’re in the position!), be careful about what you ASSume about others. your ego may be at play, and no amount of education or info-intake can cure your unconscious mind from its desire to repeat what it is most familiar with. even though it may feel easy, or even “powerful” to ASSume something about a person, consider whether you are in force or power with that desire. you may find that it is simply coming from an old place that you don’t actually want to live in anymore.