The social experiment of allowing people to confuse your kindness/humbleness for weakness/low value
Apparently the title of this article is something I unwittingly do, and have done, my entire life; the only difference is that now, as I write about it, I have become acutely aware of the fact that 1) it is something I simply can not change 2) it is something I don’t care to change 3) humans are the weirdest and most basic creatures imaginable.
Years ago after leaving corporate and coming off a guest star role on TV, I was working at my friend’s retail shop in the East Village in NYC. I always had to work, sometimes several jobs at a time and this was one of those periods. I was never above throwing myself into an entry level role given the fact that I didn’t want to return to the corporate grind (even though I was offered huge sums of money to do so). At the retail shop there were other young women hired to…well, sell clothes. I got along well with everyone, and had one co-worker in particular who took the ferry from Staten Island each day. It was her dream to be a “top retail saleslady” – cool. We were cool until we weren’t.
One day, someone close to me came into the shop and I watched as her face twisted and turned. This person was of, I GUESS (because I don’t think like this), a certain status or whatever. She began behaving differently toward me after that. Then, one day she found out I had been on TV. She looked at me and said “why aren’t you more confident”…HUH? It hit me that REGULAR people expect you to be a bitch based on what you have achieved in life. I don’t know how to do that – and it’s not because I have low self esteem or something. I just literally do not care and don’t know how to need to place myself above others. After the above two reflections from my lovely co-worker, she began trifling with me at the shop. She would open early in morning after I worked late in the day, and she started claiming that I was leaving the shop unlocked. Long story short, she was jelly af. In her mind, she got tricked because she thought we were equals and then thought we weren’t and it upset her. She told my friend the shop owner that I repeatedly left the door unlocked and some other nonsense. Meanwhile I was just out there trying to pay my expensive rent and get to my next steps in life (I was in the throes of launching Healing Elaine®!). This lemming would have none of it. And it stemmed from the title of this article…The social experiment of allowing people to confuse your kindness/humbleness for weakness/low value.
She – as many before her were, and many after her would be – was my UNWITTING social experiment.
You see the thing is, when you are inherently powerful (whether you feel such or not), you don’t have to flex. The flex is in your being. But the less powerful don’t understand this. They don’t speak the hidden language of power. Everything is 3D for them – they can’t see beyond surface. And this should be your queue to exit their presence when you realize this – for it is dangerous to be ignorant of your value.
Being ignorant of your value is not the same thing as having low self esteem or low self confidence; it’s actually an empathic quality with which you naturally place all human beings on a God plane – everyone has gifts and offerings and we see those potentials in them at all times (even if they do not). When they do not see their inherent gifts or offerings, YOU ARE IN THE DANGER ZONE.
Years ago someone said to me “your problem is you think you are just like everyone else” and they were right. It’s still my problem. And I have no interest in fixing it. My path in this life has been about learning discernment and I am here for the ride.
This Spring I broke a lot of my personal rules in life. After spending 15 years working my BEING off in Manhattan and launching my healing practice, I got tired of living like a spiritual monk all day. Taking YEARS of celibacy streaks waiting for the right person (my husband). We all say that we follow the Bible, but if we were to TRULY follow it to a TEE we would find also the greatest depths of loneliness (and maybe that’s the point – I also support this). I believe I hit those points many times as I basically put myself in a self-imposed convent of sorts, living for others and giving all of me to as purely as possible assist them on their path. That chapter didn’t close, but it changed – and the way that I show up in the world now is supposed to be different. Perhaps (since I KNOW my path is to be seen and heard, and no matter how much I have run from that I CAN NOT HIDE from it) I am to be more “mortal” now as my purpose changes. I’m working through all of that at this time. My point is, in branching out and in breaking a number of my rules as of late I am extra aware of my path of discernment in this life. We each get one major focus/lesson and this one is mine – it also works in a dualistic sense considering my work…in other words, I can be SO attuned in a session and solving insane problems, yet SO oblivious in my own life at times (and my path has been designed this way).
I guess you might say I’ve gone out into the human terrain of life that I sequestered myself from for so long as of late. With all that I became equipped with over these last 15 years, it has been like diving back into my 20s and re-living experiences (to tie them off, tuck them away and close loops) from a merged vantage point of both human and spirit. It’s been a trip…and no doubt it is contributing to my work and my writing. And the most interesting theme I see in our human minefield of ego and spirituality is again, the title of this article: The social experiment of allowing people to confuse your kindness/humbleness for weakness/low value…
So that’s just it. Like a personal retrograde of sorts, I am studying human behavior anew and it’s wild. Unless you live from a spiritual lens first what I am saying will not make sense to you. To start with the basics, download my eBooklet #5. If you do live from a spiritual lens first, nothing material makes sense to you. What people have achieved doesn’t matter to you. What they have doesn’t matter to you. What they look like doesn’t matter to you. And it will confuse you when other people value those things…PARTICULARLY IF THEY FEEL YOU HAVE WHAT THEY WANT. Like the young lady in the retail shop, I’ve had similar (but far less disappointing) experiences with folks confusing kindness for weakness and so forth. And here is what happens…
They resent you for not knowing your worth. That’s right. It sounds crazy, right? But it’s not. It’s like they feel tricked, or something. And then, they slowly make their exit. Naturally.
The conflict between the human plane and the spiritual plane is REAL. When we reside more on one than the other because our values are simply different (by the way – I am NOT suggesting that anyone is ignorant to the tangible world), the rub on our inner world is difficult. No matter our platform, our lot in life, our relationship/s status, etc.
So what does my reference to a “social experiment” even mean in the context of this piece? It means that I am aware now, more than ever, of my two worlds and how they collide as well as the fact that I will NEVER be able to first see through the tangible lens. It just won’t happen. Although it’s been a handicap in the past (and perhaps still is), I have fully embraced it and ventured back into the world with my favorite aspect: pure vulnerability. What other people do with your vulnerability is their karma. What makes all of this a social experiment is simply one word: AWARENESS. It is through self awareness that we can observe the nature of others and how they respond to that which may be uncommon, unorthodox and misunderstood in the context of human living (in a nutshell, living from higher self to lower self, not the other way around).
If you’re like me, then you are repeatedly amazed at how spiritually empty and desperate most people are. ALSO, in order to completely observe this, you have to put yourself back out into the field as I describe here. When you do, you are in a sense undercover without even meaning to be – it’s just that you operate differently from them and the whole experience is a total trip. What I’ve seen on this journey of recent social experiment is, in part, what I’ve always seen in others – souls disconnected from bodies, souls in the process of merging with bodies, demons of self-hatred, rejected trauma, and remembrance of the light. In human terms, I’ve noticed fear as the predominant emotion most have whether they are aware of it or not. And when people are afraid, they TAKE…take take take.
People take because they are empty … but no amount of taking can ever fill them. When you naturally and unwittingly present as kind and humble, their vulture ways will astound you – until they find out that you might be something “more” … because, you see, when they find out you are MORE (this is a spiritual reference) there is nothing for them to take. In order to exchange energy we must match it in frequency. And this is where the rub is. For everyone.
If you were to flex (which would be like, the greatest waste of effort and energy imaginable), it would destroy the UNWITTING social experiment – and what fun would that be?
Weakness and low value qualities are one word: lack. They aren’t the lack of a flex, but the basic people you meet don’t understand that. Everything that they measure is something you can touch – and the physical world is an illusion. They believe that weakness and low value accompany a person without a flex. In a nutshell.
I say this in so many of my articles – it’s hard wanting to be like everyone else. And anyone who first comes from a spiritual plane (not one of effort, a natural one) will get this. Once you accept your nature, though, you can have fun with it. And by fun, I mean appreciating God’s design – respecting and appreciating that all living beings are made quite uniquely. None better than, none worse than, just all different with perception as the key witness of the tangible and intangible that quantify core value (or lack thereof).
Venturing back onto the earthly plane and dancing with others is both fun and draining at the same time. You also make yourself an open vessel for demons (which you have to purge – through church, through sermons, through prayer etc) and possession which can take you out of your core. At the same time, if your core is intangible, HOW CAN WE ALWAYS LIVE THERE?
Balance is key and in BALANCE we find that we are here to be imperfect human beings – honoring God with our simultaneous physical existence. Understanding these two worlds in the context of this article has brought me even greater appreciation for Christ, God, and our mortal and necessary sins to make this world go round. Sins should never be promoted, but rather accepted as natural predispositions to our mortal physical state – this allows us to not place ourselves above others (even if that contributes to our lack of flex and causes trouble for us, lol).
I’ve had the most fun so far this Spring. I’ve been able to let the outer world into me in a brand new way, and I wouldn’t change that for anything. I notice when I’ve overdoing it, or when I’ve broken virtues that my adult baptism set in motion for me the first week of this year. I’m being a human.
Never stop searching for the others, who will not be confused by your natural kindness and humbleness. God has given us paths to our destinations not to bypass experiences but to have them, learn from them and share them – so long as we are honoring God to the best of our ability the entire time. At this time, I am re-introducing my own mortality to the part of me that has led the way since I was born. This can only happen through contrast, and contrast is found in the X factor of perception between human beings – of all kinds. Enjoy the contrast, and allow the social experiments to run their courses – they are beautiful.
Please enjoy the below article, which ties into certain notions expressed in this piece.
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