©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini
last year, I went on a detox – a text messaging detox. as a person who recharges ALONE, not off of other people’s energy fields, it felt like it was do-or-die — I HAD to detox from texting.
I don’t text for work. ever. I don’t schedule anything for work via text or messaging of any sort. I’m old school.
before I get into WHY I detoxed and where I stand with it now — as well as all of the WONDERFUL findings that arose from it all — I will note my very first corporate sales training in the early 00s. this particular company did not allow email with ANY potential clients or clients. the only emails allowed were internal. I recall being very intrigued by this rule, and also curious. after all, it was sales. when I landed at the sales training course in Texas, I was shown (really just a reiteration of something that makes SO MUCH SENSE) the power of human contact and connection. in a nutshell, we were shown why phone calls or face-to-face meetings are the only forms of contact that will make or break a proper connection (in that case, a potential client or client). anything else was a waste of time. and it could not have been more true.
aside from the corporate training aspect I describe above, I always knew that direct and thorough is the ONLY way in life. thorough, in the sense that if something has the potential to NOT stick, then that potential will show immediately via face-to-face contact or via a phone call versus a passive, EASY, perhaps not even human correspondence via text or email. it is only after the relationship has been established that it will be supportive to maintain contact in a less direct fashion. and it’s true. with my work in particular, it has to be SO right in terms of person and timing. the connection must be 100% or it’s not happening. even in the wake of talking via phone. typically, a gut level response happens or it doesn’t. the way I approach my work and life across the board is, if it is 99% right then it is 100% WRONG. now, don’t get that confused with saying that we have to be 100% perfect to get something going — no, that is not what I am saying. I am just saying that in the moment of execution, in the moment of preparation, in the moment of discussion, it must not only feel but BE 100%. then, if it fails or goes rogue, it is an experience not a mistake. if we are lined up 100% with our thoughts, feelings, words and actions in any moment, then we are in alignment — and the rest is up to the Universe after that!
the conclusion with the corporate training thingy, it was totally spot on. for example, we saw it was spot on when we tried to violate protocol and book a deal with the CEO’s admin (it NEVER STUCK — because the admin was not the end DM [ in the old days, those initials stood for “decision maker” ] and therefore had zero interest in the bottom line of the company). the same notion would have applied to email. no one cares when the form of communication is that passive. or, they do not care as much. it’s just not worth it unless a relationship has already been established, and even then, I am still not a fan unless circumstances will not allow for a phone call.
I am amazed at the number of people who request or accept my connection on LinkedIn, but do not want to talk on the phone when I suggest we do. it only takes a few minutes to suss out where the mutual bottom line benefit might exist. otherwise, why be “connected”? and so for all of the “sales navigator” tools it offers, people are missing the mark when they could just ask for a phone call and state why they want that phone call. I digress. but it’s something to consider — how non-human we have become because we are so reliant and fantastical about technology.
last year, WAY too many people had access to me because of text messaging. perhaps some people felt the same way about me, too. now, I feel the same way about text as I feel the above email examples — it’s ok after you have already established a relationship with someone. but, for what purposes to use it? I fell into the trap I see nearly everyone in — I used it nearly every time I had a thought, feeling or idea. and I used it with whomever I felt could appreciate it in that moment. since I am a writer, by nature, it was all too easy for me to word-vomit thoughts and even subconscious thoughts that I would NEVER otherwise write had I not been tired, frustrated, etc. so in a sense, this is an addiction not an outlet. an outlet is when there is direct, 1:1 connection or you are using a natural outlet like handwriting for yourself or praying aloud or working out physically. I began to dislike myself at times when I texted, and I definitely disliked how someone — anyone — could just “access” me in a nanosecond because I entered their thoughts. well, I enter a lot of people’s thoughts. and I didn’t like what my BODY and overall physiology felt, every time someone reached out to say “hi” — because most of the time, they were not reaching out to say hi. they were reaching out for a charge. energy. help. energy. energy. ENERGY.
in 2004 I was dating a guy. this is sort of around the time that texting came to be. I had never text messaged a boyfriend before. yes, there were 2-way pagers and phones that texted, but they weren’t the rage or anything close to the rage that they are now. one night, early on in our relationship, he texted me “goodnight” and I was totally taken aback. as in, I found it ODD — because, we had just hung up the phone an hour earlier and already said goodnight. now he’s saying goodnight AGAIN? I didn’t like it. it felt…….addictive. something didn’t feel good about it and now I know why. it’s totally unnatural for anyone to have that kind of access to you morning, noon, night, and ANY TIME they want to access you. in 2006, I was in a new relationship. one night before I went to bed, I hung up the phone after saying — audibly — “goodnight” to this person. as I slept, and about an hour later again, he texted me some more “goodnight” pleasantries. I didn’t see his note until the morning, and I had a weird feeling in my gut that he was uneasy about my lack of response. but, AS IF I were supposed to tell him exactly WHEN I was going to bed? like, the minute before? again — this was early on in the texting game, and alarm bells went off. well, 3 months later, he told me that he cheated on me very early on in the relationship. guess what night it was? THAT night. the night I didn’t say “goodnight” back, via text. LAUGHING OUT LOUD! really. ok, yes, I was right about the addiction part of text. I began to “get it”. and I didn’t like it at all. AND, I became part of it. like nearly everyone else.
throughout the course of that relationship, I texted many things I didn’t mean. I texted many things that I would not normally say, let alone WRITE (even in an email — there is more time to sit with things before hitting “send”). and I disliked it all. when we broke up, I took a big step back from texting. but then it got even worse. there was i-messaging. and photos! oh boy. over the course of the next while, I was less engaged in all things tech and text than most people I knew. I was the last of my friends and acquaintances to join all social platforms that exist today. it all just felt to me…unnatural.
the first time I witnessed “Facebook” was when I had a young teenager living with me to help share the rent in Manhattan. since it was a studio share, there was no privacy. and one day, I saw this girl just STARING at the computer. I couldn’t believe it. what was she doing?? WHAT?? what could possibly warrant HOURS of staring? I discovered, it was something called Facebook. and then I found out what it was. and I felt…WHAT? why would anyone want to peer in on the lives of others? it felt so counter-intuitive to me. it felt invasive and…odd. I didn’t get it. this is where my generational split or gap really comes in handy, I believe, with my career ambitions and place in the world. because what I am writing about is NOT natural. it is a tool, and a tool that we can all fall prey to like anything else that feels “indulging”. since I don’t have addict tendencies, it always felt repulsive to me. even whilst I was engaging on social or via text.
in 2015 I deleted my personal Facebook page and it was like the BEST THING EVER! I decided to use it only as a ghost account to run my business and public pages for my work (there are now 3). I never felt good looking at other people’s lives, and I really didn’t get why a sane person would. after that, I finally joined Instagram in 2016. I briefly used a private account and then deleted that — only to have some business accounts…which follow 0 people. the reason they follow 0 people is multi-fold. first, the work that I do is super sensitive and personal. what if I were to follow some people and accidentally not others, therefore offending some nice young person I once helped who thinks I don’t like them because social said so? no thank you. also, there are trolls left and right who are obsessive — with me, and with others. I don’t get it, but people will literally follow other people’s lists to try and ingratiate themselves in someone’s world (the person they are trying to invade, by attempting to forge “connections” with people they are connected to). I saw the most bizarre, sick behavior from some people, notably obsessed with me or my work for many months, only to disappear and try to take what they perceived as my client list with them. HA! what? the whole thing is just…a huge energy sucker.
last year, as I was going through my biggest personal transformation to date, there were too many people who had access to me. just too many. and, some of them REALLY the wrong kind. the addict kind. addict to people in contact with people allllllll day. the type who can’t sit still. I’m not that type. I CRAVE to sit still. in SILENCE. with NO TECH. I love this. not only that, it’s how I grew up! thank GOD for this, being raised as a child in the 90s. what a gift. the type of gift that lends itself to hearing one’s own thoughts and feelings. and honoring them. good Lord! at any rate, it all became too much last year. I found myself writing too much at the drop of a hat, and I saw how unnatural and frankly, dangerous, it was for me to allow people to just enter my energy field unannounced. I hated it. and, I needed space. I needed space — indefinitely — from anyone plugging into me for a charge. after all, during this transformational phase in my life, I needed my own energy. just mine. I had nothing left to give. and, that has sort of not changed. and I consider this a good thing.
my work phone is a 90s flip phone. I don’t text. people can page it, but that means absolutely nothing and so all pages get deleted. it is glorious to cut to the chase and make actual human connections by asking people to be real humans and read my protocol, then make an actual phone call. those sound like simple things to do, but I am ASTOUNDED as to how many people are SO lazy that they want to connect or book services with people over an electronic device. REALLY? I can not imagine booking a personal service without first HEARING that person. maybe I’m weird. my regular cell phone, due in part to me swearing off text message last year as well as the DISGUSTING censorship issues I was having and am still having, I disabled text messaging (and of COURSE, stupid “Siri” – in case you didn’t know, it’s just a spy tool and you should beware). I let as many people as I could, know, that I was no longer texting and so don’t bother. the thing is, if it is crucial, someone will call you. if it is an addictive behavior, they will text you to satisfy a momentary urge or need. and if they call and your time is valuable as I consider mine, more and more each day, to be, you will simply call them back WHEN YOU HAVE THE TIME AND ENERGY. most people get that. maybe not crazy people, but then cheers to weeding out the crazy.
in place of traditional text messaging, I briefly downloaded an encrypted app called Signal. to this day I still don’t know why I did it, but it was helpful for little things like sending links/news or communicating with someone out of pure necessity. but then again, if we want to send links, how about just use email if it is really that important? and that’s the point — nothing done over text is important. we just say it is, because we live in a constant INSTA state. the generation behind me astounds me, for the most part. I see it, via my Pediatric Energy® work, split into two actually! — which is exciting. half of the kids use it like the plague, and the other half barely use it at all…as in, they check their texts or emails maybe once a day. it’s interesting and that is a whole other topic such as parenting, but there is hope if we can re-program ourselves. as I used Signal for a time as a replacement to text messaging and only with a number of people for emergency purposes, I found myself once again in the same feeling-state as when I was depleted thanks to regular text messaging. and I, once again, hated it. I hated it because I could feel the wonderful difference shutting off my i-message and texting had made, and I wanted MORE of that. and when I say more, the word that comes to mind is: SOVEREIGN. I wanted to feel myself again. ME. and it got me to thinking about something, which is the title of this post.
what did my energy feel like up until the early 00s? separate from and regardless of whatever was going on in my life? how did I work through my problems or concerns differently? how quickly did I transcend them on my own and without the illusion or crutch of other people / technology? and the answer was, I felt GLORIOUS when there was no text messaging. I felt FULL when I could run my day without WORRYING that xyz person will take it personally if I do not get back to them on time. I felt CLEAR when I had just my own energy to contend with, unless *I* otherwise chose. no one was invading my field without knocking first. and I realized recently that everyone has to knock, first. not only will I not be an addicted maniac on Instagram by liking-commenting-DMing nonstop (and I BARELY use twitter unless it is to post updates or things that are really relevant, therefore not engaging with anyone), but I will also not repeat the same behavior by knowing that (by allowing for) at any moment, someone could just APPEAR in my phone. literally at any time of day. I don’t want that anymore. and so I began letting people know (AGAIN) that I don’t text. I began letting the few folks I consider friends or acquaintances or xyzs that I am not using Signal or any other similar app. and I won’t, unless it is an emergency. I won’t reboot or look at the app. and it is because: I WANT MYSELF BACK. all of myself, back. up until the early 00s, I was able to snap my fingers (er, my mind!) and what I was looking for would appear in real-time and in real form. constantly. I want that back. things are taking too long — because they are moving too fast in other domains (tech).
every time someone connects to you, they are in your energy field. they are in your consciousness. they are taking something, consciously or unconsciously, whether it is obvious or not. anything valuable or worthwhile can come with a heads up — like, a phone call. the rest is just basically a playground for people to work their emotions, addictions or feelings out on another person. I don’t want to be that person in either role. young people (I guess, under 35?) don’t get this. this is because they were literally raised by the internet. and tech. and text. and INSTANT EVERYTHING. what a horrible notion, if one can not step back and truly create their own self-sustaining energy. I see so many people confused about what is theirs and what is not theirs — because they are codependent. addict or not, instant everything slash text and social has turned regular folks with addictive predispositions into fractions of human beings, and it has turned whole human beings with little or no predisposition for addiction into fractions of themselves. I don’t ever want to be a fraction of myself again. I need myself to manifest my next steps and dreams…
I got to thinking, as I have been text free and insta-anything message-wise free for a bit now, that it not only feels AMAZING, but it reminds me of what I used to be able to do without everyone sticking their energy aka karma INTO my field. I used to be able to think, breathe, snap my fingers, and manifest my next steps. when I came to the city and was still working in corporate in 2005, I was not bogged down by text and there was thankfully no social, and I was able to work wonders for myself! when I landed in 2005, I knew that I had a small window to conquer my next “path” (one that would intertwine with all that I am doing today) before moving on to the next path. since I was in my 20s, I knew that just like having children, there was a window for what I was about to do next — and what I was about to do next was considered very hard. that was, get myself on a TV show. set myself up for my future with the public. in just one fiscal year after moving to the city, and leaving corporate for good in the way that I was working FOR “the man”, I began to work regularly in TV and Film — enough to pay my rent. and just one and a half years after that, I landed a guest starring role on the only show I wanted to be on at that time. you might ask, “how”?
my answer to “how” is not going to sound typical, perhaps. but this is my “how”, and it still is. and it is the reason for this article, as I consider the many other things I want in life and how I have to totally unplug in order to get them. my “how” was spending all of my time with mySELF. my inner self. yes, I did the actual leg work — I got photos done, I submitted for jobs, I did my mass (snail mail) mailings, and I attended workshops with casting directors. but the real work, as far as I was concerned and am still concerned, came from BEING. being with myself. while hustling bit jobs (I did a lot of photo double work and stand-in work on TV shows, commercials and Films with all of the biggest stars), and working as many odd jobs on top of that as possible and renting out my tiny studio “living room”, I spent time at the river. alone. no texting. no relationships. no DISTRACTIONS. it was AMAZING. I went to my Alanon support meetings back then because I couldn’t afford therapy. I wrote. I spent time with my animal. and, the most important part of all…every morning, I sat with my cheap cup of coffee from the bodega across the street and got PRESENT. the coffee was not great. the pots were old and crusty. the cups were waxy and the wax would come off and make its way into my coffee. it tasted stale. it was 75 cents a cup. AND I LOVED IT. I would find this bench on the upper east side where I lived, and just SIT WITH THAT COFFEE. and I would hear myself. feel myself. I told myself that although I felt lazy not “doing” something (I am a Capricorn!), that this period of not “doing” something was worth more manifestation-wise than ANY action I could take. I got in touch with God (I don’t mean religion). I simply did what I always did when I wanted something “extra” in life — I listened to my core. it amazes me how many people can’t do it. or don’t want to. or, it just hasn’t occurred to, to do.
as I reflect upon those coffee mornings, which came on the heels of my big break just a couple years into the entertainment game, I see what I’ve always seen for myself: my ability to manifest by recharging alone. recharging with ME. gathering ME. not spreading myself and my energy all over the place. I manifested by being TOTALLY SOVEREIGN.
I need and require that time again, NOW. this is what the last couple of years have been teaching me. by nature, because of what I do, I actually enter the OPPOSITE space when I work with someone. and so, it’s like having ALL of someone else in my energy field. I sign up for it. I like it — because I know where I start and stop (I always have), and can really help people in a certain way. but I have to be very careful with my outside life, A) to be effective in my work with someone and B) to draw MORE work IN. my work with people is not ongoing — and perhaps there is another reason for it, other than the one I decided. the one I decided is so that someone does not develop a crutch — so that they learn what their own energy is and how they can’t just be “gifted” a remedy. they can make use of the lending energy and information that they are being given, but they have to learn self-reliance. or else they don’t heal. many people can’t heal because they are too codependent energetically. this is like being a full-time addict. the other reason, for my work not being ongoing, is that due to the nature of it I would never otherwise have a SELF. and the same can be said for socializing. before the early and mid 00s, I felt like I was more accessible to mySELF. after the text and insta-everything crazy, I have felt less accessible to myself. and I don’t like it. and I had to make the executive decision to reinstate my favorite mantra by Dr. Seuss: “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”. in a nutshell, real friends, people who know you, don’t ever question your “accessibility” or lack thereof. my best relationships are those in which I could message someone 5x (in the past, of course!) and not hear boo back at all, or for a month, and I didn’t care. and vice versa. when someone cares, this is where it is a disease. an addiction. the ultimate codependency in action. THE ULTIMATE DRAIN.
don’t text me. don’t message me for a quick hit. I won’t receive it anyhow. if you really need me, I have a work line listed. call me. and if you are calling me for help, schedule and pay for a session. I am not a permanent, imminent, eternal open help-line for anyone who needs something from me. if you are a friend, I don’t even have to iterate any of this. and if you are a client or hopeful client, then hopefully you have read and understand my protocol — which repeatedly states how I work, and why. it’s fool-proof…for a reason.
when we really want to connect with someone and they aren’t available, any sense of “loss” over that is not loss — it is addiction. we are a nation of addicts, thanks in large part to tech. take a step back. this article isn’t about making suggestions though, it’s just a share about what works for me, my own mistakes, and my own re/focus. if it resonates, then great!
as I continue to dive deep retroactively, into another time and space PRE-text, I see how QUICKLY I was able to manifest things. although I can not compare apples to oranges, for it was a different time, I can say that I am retrieving what I once had: 100% of my essence — at least, in the sense that I am describing it here. other things like unconscious trauma and ptsd and the past and all of that are totally separate notions and nuanced subjects. but for this message, here, it is worth noting how my personal manifestation power was 100X stronger before text messaging existed.
every time I go within and do an uncording, and for the purpose of this article let’s consider it a permanent or semi-permanent uncording with the idea of text messaging noted, my life changes. I can’t change my life while taking others with me — and being accessible, morning noon and night is taking others with me. I’ve noticed the drastic difference in my mood, my overall energy levels, and my…manifestation…the more that I am sovereign. when we recharge alone (it is worth noting, that in order to do this, we actually have to know who we ARE…and not be an active addict of ANY sort), we are at our most personally and naturally powerful. we can see our potential — versus the potential that we are either giving away to others, or confusing our karma / manifestation with someone else’s. things speed up when we re-focus. and the best way for me to do that is the way that it always worked for me, like in the old days — even before there were cell phones! and that way is by having all of what belongs to ME, accessible to ME. not dozens or even a few people.
I say it with all of the love in my heart: don’t text me. I promise, that you will see why, during this next while. I’m building something.