updates, personal updates and feelings, and my first of three books coming

©Healing Elaine, photo by Anita Saini

although I am not doing healing sessions, I will still be writing and updating my blog. after all, it would be impossible to work with everyone on planet earth who either wants or needs the work that I do. so, as I have always seen, I will reach people in other ways. by stopping one-on-one sessions, I am beginning to re-store and re-cultivate my energy again. it feels good. and I have a lot of new thoughts and feelings.

first off, there are a handful of remote sessions and special offerings that I made to past patients who I built relationships with over many years. they took advantage of certain offers that I made, and obviously they will not be forgotten in my equation of stopping new sessions. if you are one of these people, you already know you are taken care of – in one way or another. I want those I’ve worked with to know how much I appreciate them on a soul level, and all of the things I learned from working with them.

next, there is this. the last three years of my life were the hardest they have ever been. in a very different way, from the past or the early part of my life. the fact is, I go through things which I can find not one person on planet earth to relate to. it is just what it is. it is what has driven my work in the past, this very specific and unorthodox personal energy signature that I carry. it is how I am able to do the work that I have done, break things down for people, present concepts, solve problems, and so on. it is a VERY lonely journey, and continuing to work in the way that I was WHILE facing a MONSTROUS uphill battle with censorship was a death sentence for me.

I know that many people have no idea that I was (still am!) censored, or the extent that it reached, and it has been frustrating (to say the VERY least) to try and explain to anyone — even those close to me — what has happened over the last three years. one reason that it has been frustrating is that it is so unchartered, what has happened to me, there is simply no way for someone to relate unless they walked the path. another reason that it has been so frustrating, is that people fundamentally can NOT have their world not make sense; this means, that it is easier for them to hear that the individual is the problem — not the system. I realize that this is not personal. but it has been incredibly painful and jarring to witness people almost going completely unconscious when they have heard of my battles. “go take a walk” is some advice I actually received. now I want to be very clear here: what I have been dealing with is literally close to life or death, on a large scale. I have absolutely no words to describe what has happened to me, though I have tried here and there in a variety of blog posts over the last year or so. the ONLY analogy that could even possibly reach anyone right now, is the corona pandemic and having your lights turned off OVERNIGHT – but not knowing why. with no resolution in sight, ever. this is the last three years of my life. combined with a host of scary, invasive, offensive tactics and actions designed to shut. me. down. in all ways. unless you walk in these shoes, you just do not know or have any inclination as to what this does to someone — mind, body and spirit. as I combined all of that with my will and drive to break through, continue working, and focus all of my energy on solving life or death situations for people, I learned that I had to let go. of two things: one, focusing any more energy on the devil himself, who has single-handedly choked my logistics and business to death; and two, giving all of my life force to sessions. no matter how much I love seeing people turn corners.

it has also been disappointing to observe convenient judgement from people who, for whatever reason, are not able to see me as anything but a strong person. what I have gone through has almost destroyed me on a soul level. there were many, many days over these past three years that I did not want to wake up. and again, in order for you to come close to understanding why, you would have to have been in my shoes on a daily basis. fighting off every website domain you own being hijacked and put up for auction. having your banking interfered with. having your accounts drained by services you didn’t purchase. having your photo taken by strangers. being contacted by operatives with the intention of catching you in some sort of off-color communication. being followed and stalked in all ways. being audited for no good reason. having nearly everything that you spent years organizing and posting online hidden (aka shadowbanned — still happening). having your phone lines crossed and voicemails deleted, no matter how many times you changed phone numbers. and all the while, dedicating your life to helping other people with dreams and goals that became more and more and more distant for yourself. seeing every dollar that you made go into a dark black pit, that sunk deeper and deeper because your legal, operational and other life or death fees demanded such. going into significant debt all because people want you silenced. and if you read this and don’t believe it, then get off of my pages – you don’t know how the world works. good deeds are often not rewarded, because: jealousy, control, greed, and the way the underbelly of our world actually works.

if I sound like I am complaining, I’m actually not. the reason that I can write about it at this time is because over the last fiscal year most specifically, I have been rebounding on a soul level. I didn’t write about this when I was at my most vulnerable, because there was no perspective or energy to do so. and, I realize in retrospect that everything I have gone through (which is a host of things many would not believe because they live simple lives) has prepared me for much of the work I have dreamed about since I was a little girl. some of this work involves global peace negotiations and working with certain leaders. if we have not witnessed the devil before our eyes, we can not discern energy. what the last three years have afforded me, aside from incredible pain and confusion, is: stamina, healthy anger, truth, and letting go of what ANYONE thinks about me. I do not care. when we no longer care, because we have been so broken, we are at our most free AND our most powerful. I am getting there.

I watch the bandwagon of “spiritual healers” and “gurus” who know only of the kind of pain that comes through parents divorcing as a child. and, that’s valid. but in the face of GLOBAL CRISES, it is nothing. commenting on global affairs, offering “sage” advice on major issues, is a joke unless you know how things work. very few people do know how things work. and while I am incredibly sensitive to the theory of relativity (I actually AM as non-judgemental as my testimonials suggest! I am just writing pure real-talk here to make a point), it is crucial for me to express my truth with the hopes of truly being the bridge between light and dark; light is the truth, and dark is lies. the majority of the planet lives in lies. the reason? they only believe what they see – and what they see is 99% censored and tailor-made to keep them controlled. divided and conquered. it is safe to say, that if you do not resonate 100% with what I am writing here, you do not know how the world works. if you are in your 20s or 30s, unless you were born into pure adversity and have experienced the planet on a corporate, global and otherwise VAST scale, you do not know how the world works. so, just consider that. it’s called being open-minded and malleable to positive change. one of the reasons that I say all of this, is that we are headed toward MAJOR truth bombs. it’s not conspiracy theory, and it’s not about politics either. the media has brainwashed you into binary, identity-driven thinking. and it’s a trap. and nearly EVERYONE on our planet is in it. I’ve watched as those who work for me have 180-ed their perspective of the world, simply because they have been around SOME of my unusual life experiences. and they have drawn their own conclusions around it, simply by proxy of the events that are impossible to ignore.

I’ve watched as (I always say that MOST people are addicts — to some THING) our addict-driven population which LOVES drama and chaos and negativity, has become its worst version of itself during corona. it has highlighted the saddest part of the human condition epidemic that we live in: addiction to drama and negativity. nearly everyone believes they are an “expert”, and that their “hate” is warranted, and little do they realize that they are part of a big psychological human experiment. here is a tip to go around that: turn off CNN. turn off CBS. turn off MSNBC. turn off the mainstream addict social programming channels that cultivate fear, judgement, and MISINFORMATION. you are being lied to all day long, and you do not even know it. and then, you are going out into the world or to your little devices and spewing exactly the narrative that is designed to brainwash you rinse and repeat like a windup doll. if this offends you, then good – maybe it will push you to the brink of breakdown and to actual awakening. it is time for everyone to learn that there is no such thing as cancel culture. it is time to learn that because someone knows or lives or believes differently than you, they are still valid. most of all, it is important to know that YOU ARE WHAT YOU HATE. this one is my favorite. I look at the uncontainable hate and judgment heaved by people online — little do they know, they are revealing EXACTLY what unconscious experiences they have not even come close to processing. for example: you “HATE” Donald Trump or some other public figure sooooooo much that you have to talk about and post about them EVERY DAY? really? what you are screaming is: “I have so much hatred for my immediate family and the things that remind me of them that I will never consciously admit to myself, so let me use THIS target as my projection screen and maybe no one will notice”. people DO notice. I watched a young person who had worked for me in various capacities at one point, consistently making ageist and racist comments. all day. ironically, I fit the exact categories of their racist and ageist comments. I never said anything, as I knew they were fighting themSELVES. deep within them, they hated something about their race. and they hated those close to them who fit the age bill, because they felt abandoned by them. our outward hate, regardless of whether we feel it is “warranted” or not, says everything about us — and nothing about our target. and just because “everyone” around you is doing it, doesn’t mean that it is ok. at some point, the truth in our individual lives and collective lives IS revealed, and that includes YOURS TOO.

I am embarrassed for most of society, but at the same time totally understanding and accepting of everyone — we are seeing this negativity that I am both embarrassed for and accepting of, everywhere. on all sides of every equation. there is a rare, ACTUALLY WOKE, group of people NOT throwing hate and shade in every direction, JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE UNHEALED. and THESE are the people I am interested in knowing in life. they happen to exist, as diversity in life would have it, on every side of every equation! so, if you see me or hear of me hanging out or talking with “xyz person”, think twice before you label me as “X”. this is such an old, unconscious and outdated way of relating to the world. and if you are doing this, if you are into identity politics or cancel culture or binary thinking, you are not part of the problem — you ARE the problem. and don’t take my word for it — it will simply stop working for you.

if you have not figured it out yet, the media has trained you to be divided — and therefore it can conquer you. the group think brainwashed into Hollywood and BY Hollywood is the greatest joke of all…and those folks are the last to know, how obvious it is. you might be asking who I think I am saying these things — well, I am a person who has worked with so many people, of all denominations, and had experiences many will never have INCLUDING first-hand knowledge and experience with EVERYTHING I write about, and this gives me not only that knowledge and experience but actual perspective. I was sharing with a friend just last night, how “it all works”. how in order to “break in” to entertainment, I was attemptedly trafficked multiple times and “offered” insane proposals that would have made me a big star. I could have done this decades ago, folks. I just went the other way. how does this tie into our current state of affairs? I’ll tell you: politics. economy. EVERYTHING. when you learn that the world is ACTUALLY run on sex rings and violations of the most unthinkable kind, and how that drives and satiates the desires for “power” of otherwise “important” men and women, and how that ties into Hollywood (i.e. media and ALL of entertainment) and banking, you start to…get it. you can call it a conspiracy all you want. I have lived it. so when I make a “maniac” post about questioning what the mainstream media or Hollywood “says”, know that it is coming from actual experience and critical thinking. since the majority of the planet is so censored and “protected” from the facts, all they can do is parrot what they are told. and I’ll be clear: if you knew the truth, you would never leave your house. that’s rather ironic, considering our current state of affairs…

moving over to corona. guys, there are so many things you are NOT seeing. did you know, also, that CBS actually used footage of an ITALIAN hospital, passing it off as a NYC hospital? probably not. their “mistake” correction (only after being caught) was not exactly mainstream. this, is what is called propaganda. these are the people you are trusting to inform you. what I am NOT saying, is that corona is a hoax. I am not saying that. corona is a virus, similar to the common flu, with a different mutation. period. and no, I don’t have all of the facts. but do you not question anything you are told? how about this. the other day, I called my family doctor’s office. I got an appointment immediately/next day. I went in. it was empty. EMPTY. I was offered a corona test, as I was told there were more than enough. more than enough. in an empty family medicine center. yet on the news, we see incredible (and some of it, fake! if we are in such a serious pandemic, why add fake footage???) despair. death. doomsday. the fact is, like the common flu, there are high risk groups. I don’t debate isolating. it’s important to do whatever it takes to contain things we do not fully understand or that can spread. I am one of the most sensitive people I know and I can not stand to see ANYONE suffer — but almost as much as that, I can not stand to see a lack of truth and information spread. and right now we are seeing a drama queen’s or untreated addict’s wet dream on the news. the irony is, people who thrive and live on drama and chaos and fear, LOVE this. they will say they don’t. they will say they are suffering and afraid. they will point to “the big bad man” who is President and cry about it. unfortunately, this pandemic was created especially for them — it is a dream come true for corrupt news, and for people with political agenda. it is not about the facts for most people. it is about the drama. and we wonder why this corona thing came along. it’s called an awakening. so, why not do a few things differently?

I realize that speaking the actual truth is very unpopular. I’ve “lost” a couple (literally only a couple, which is surprising and gives me hope) people whose lives were CHANGED working with me. people will do ANYTHING in order for their world to make sense; that includes denying truth, in order to make that world make sense. I’ve already suffered greatly for living in the truth, which is the origin of the hostile censorship and relentless desire for a specific enemy to take me down (they never will). but I won’t stop speaking the truth. my website can continue to be slowed by ISPs simply because I am on some hit list akin to a terrorist group. they can keep hiding and striking out my reviews and videos. but they can not hide me or the truth that I know, that I share for anyone on the actual cusp of wanting to wake up. if you think my work has been limited to helping a couple thousand people wake up and change their lives and transmute illnesses and have babies, then you are mistaken…my work goes much broader. and that is why I have stopped one-on-one sessions…so that I may regain my energy for equally but more broadly important initiatives.

I have three books coming. the first one, which is complete, will hopefully drop soon. I have had the incredible honor of working with several notable award winning authors and artists, who have been encouraging me and standing behind me for half a decade as far as my work and writing is concerned. it will be either with their help, or not, that I find the perfect publisher for my book(s). as soon as that is complete, the audio versions can be recorded and that includes my eBooklets and my blog as well. if you have noticed, my entire blog is many books waiting to happen. the next step is about TIMING. there is a reason that I have been waiting to focus on publishing, and there will be a reason that it happens at exactly the right time. five years ago, when I wrote my eBooklets, we were NOT ready as a collective to digest them. no one was writing about what I was writing about. I wrote about it, because I couldn’t find answers to themes I discuss anywhere. I still can’t. so, I live out insane experiences so that I can then write about them. I get it that they only resonate with a fraction of the human population…but those that they resonate with are the most amazing people I have ever met. they live on the edge of truth, freedom, and pioneering their respective fields. and I trust that group. I am seeing that at this particular moment in time, the mainstream population might actually digest the core themes in my eBooklets…and maybe later, my blog. and it doesn’t matter how much I am censored by big brother, they can’t stop me from publishing. unless, of course, they kill me. but even then, someone else can publish my work! sound dramatic? it’s not. again: I’ll tell my whole story (or someone else will) in good time. and that takes me to my TV Series.

my TV Series Great Awakening is literally metaphoric to what we are experiencing right now as a collective. it’s beautiful, even in all of its pain and despair. my first book, which is called “Great Awakening: a seer’s mini-guide to understanding the intangible planes of the human experience”, and is a conglomeration of my eBooklets 1-6, is the premise for the TV Series. I only want to work with people who are aligned with the truth. this may shock you, but this includes people of ALL denominations; for example, one of my directors is “left” or left of center. another team member is extremely far left. another team member has gone from left to dead center. I don’t know what I am, as I see truth on EVERY SIDE and in EVERY PERSON. other team members will be “right”. the irony is, everyone lives in their truth. all truths are valid. they just…are. and it is fascinating to see people present ideas and concepts without hating or arguing. why? because they are awake and THEY ARE NOT AFRAID OF THE TRUTH. when you are not afraid of the truth, you can have an opinion but not argue or force your opinion. this is what Great Awakening stands for. the truth does not need to convince you of anything, and the truth appeals to all people…whether they live in it or not, because the truth is a mirror! what they do with that mirror is secondary. get it?

at the moment I am rebuilding my energy because battling the intense evil directed at taking me down, combined with lending out my precious life force to others, is not sustainable. I will find and have found ways to combat both without fighting. the message was sent to me loudly, after being pursued by such intense evil (evil loves to take down both light, and bridges) that it made its way right into my practice. and God said “it’s time to stop. this is why I am torturing you by sending you maniac after maniac”. and so I listened. I listened after certain things inside of me broke that could only be fixed by stepping away and taking pieces of my soul back. and God said “it’s time to stop. this is why I am messing with your entire online identity on a daily basis. it is so that you can step away from it, dis-identify with it, and focus your attention to the next important place. don’t worry, all will be re-instated”. it is ironic that while the google algorithm has changed since corona (yes, facts), my censorship has ramped up. but I know what to do with that. and all parties involved will regret their actions one day. no one can escape the karma that is coming or them, and if they had enough light in them to believe or understand that, they would regret the day they stepped in my path to try and stop me. this is how karma works, and as my eBooklet 4 says, it IS indeed immediate.

be open to the facts, without feeling threatened that your “entire identity” will change just because you agree with new truth. one person who is an interesting example of this is a man named Brandon Straka. check him out. not because I agree with everything that he says, but because he is an amazing example of someone waking up and changing their mind about the “facts”. Brandon doesn’t live in a binary world that says, “because you are gay, you have to blah blah blah…” or “because you live in Brooklyn, you have to blah blah blah…”. for all that it is worth, he has decided who he is and what he believes, separately from society. and there are people, on all sides of the equation politically, who can actually do this. and I respect them. it doesn’t matter to me WHAT they believe, it matters to me what they are doing with what they believe and WHY. basically: their personal integrity. THIS relates to intention. but you can’t have intention without personal integrity. and, you can’t have personal integrity without knowing why you believe what you believe! I have hesitated to write about politics because honestly it falls outside of my personal focus, but I DO write about the truth which has had enough political references in it AND I have spoken the truth in my sessions and workshops that contain political reference and THAT has gotten me censored and attacked by a whole other aspect of the evil equation that has sought to take me down. the truth is so powerful, that people will do anything to silence it. and I mean ANYTHING. so, do what you like with that, but please consider that you don’t know what you don’t know. and the ONLY pathway forward is bridging all sides together. people like Brandon are doing that SIMPLY by considering and experiencing various, “other” and additional points of view. no one swings from left to right or right to left without actually living and doing personal, critical thinking. I have great respect for anyone who lives in personal truth and has made it their mission, instead of simply parroting what they hear on TV. it is my personal goal to bridge the most unlikely characters together, to come together, on issues like economy, environment, and media. and guess what? it won’t happen by me being a mainstream media PARROT. and yet, people attack that and “cancel” me…how ironic. if you have done this, you do not know me and you need to look in the mirror. I will live for being the bridge that I was born to be and I will work with and support all structures that can get us there. for example, if you see me wrapped in a MAGA flag one day, instead of judging me or thinking you know my thoughts on policies (I actually don’t have many! I do not know much about politics at all!), perhaps instead consider the bridge that is needed to lessen the divide. consider, perhaps, that there is truth in a place you find it least likely. consider that you do not know why certain things are happening, and that some of your worst fears are actually transferred or misplaced. not everything you see or hear means what YOU think or mean it to mean…

I have become increasingly disturbed by the divide, the hate, the unconscious bias, the hypocrisy and the ignorance of humanity as it exists without listening to all points of view. the above knows no political affiliation or identity. the above is human. and it is asleep. we are more than our identities and physical bodies. yet we act otherwise. I go to yoga classes and hear teachers with 1% of my life experience not teaching yoga, but telling me how to live. people are desperate to have their views of the world imposed upon others, for fear that if they do not, their internal worlds will fall apart. well, let your internal world fall apart. clearly, something right now, is not right. and you DON’T know what it is…

if you have stuck by me for years or since we have met, I appreciate you and I thank you. and if you have “canceled” me or turned on me, I appreciate you and I thank you. we are all just wherever we are, at any point in time. and, we are WHAT and who we are, on an intrinsic level, at any point in time. as I always say: people are created equal — energy is NOT. as I rise, I see what has been around me the entire time and I have a new lens for such. so do you. the goal is not dogmatic or opinionated, the goal is awareness. and awareness can only come from facing hard times and horrific disappointment. if you can do that, you will come out on the other side. instead of judging others (however ALWAYS discern others!! please, there is a difference — learn it), turn the camera back on yourself. if your life is not working, what are you fighting against? I learned that, although there were and are forces I could not and can not fully control, I had choices. I was afraid that during the last three years, I had made mistakes; I had turned down press that would have made me “insta-famous” – I thought to myself, “did I make a mistake? did I self-sabotage? by saying no?”…after going through censorship etc, I learned that no, I did not make a mistake. the way that I knew this was 1) I followed my GUT in moments of “opportunity” to the fullest and 2) I NOW see what the last three years has meant for me and why. I am not a person to sell out for anything (obviously). and I know the risks and rewards that come with that. personal virtue (not virtue signaling!) is ALL we ever have. the old world is crumbling. those who have whored their souls and bodies to another force will pay the price. we always do. the virtue within us is all we have, and often, it is not too late for redemption if we are willing to be honest and ask for it. people are forgiving when we admit how wrong we have been. if you feel this way, go and admit it. get on your knees, ask for forgiveness, and change your life. you may be surprised to know how many people will be there to allow that burden to be lifted off of you. after all, it is not what we GET out of being honest, rather it is the lift of the burden off of our soul that is the outcome. we may still be left alone, but at least without burden. something to consider.

as I step back from having my energetic internet accessible to the world, I find pieces of myself coming back to me. this will allow me to continue to write freely, but also and simultaneously be much more private in a way that I have never been in the past. I am used to giving away EVERY piece of me, so that others can benefit. what started as a pure survival tool as a baby and child and young adult then adult, and what was also a sheer gift, I now want for myself. I want to witness one — some — any of the miracles I’ve witnessed others realize through my work with them. I have to learn that my gifts are also for ME. and I notice, as a consequence of stepping back, whose lives have been propped up 100% by my life force instead of their own by doing their own work. it will be whatever it will be. some people built their actual identity off of me. off of my identity, my life force, our connection, or whatever. and I can FEEL it in the ethers, as I simply reclaim what is germane only to me, how someone will either scramble to “replace” me or “cancel” me. some people can’t simply change gears, they need to instead conjur unjustified anger to deal with separation. this is emotional immaturity, and it’s ok. we have all been there, somehow, at some point in time. but my point is that I notice so much. doing the “wrong” thing — either by assuming someone else’s energy, or stealing, or doing something we know goes against our soul — may feel “good” for a time…but just like black magic, the curse wears off. and when it does, it is you against the world. it is you facing the mirror. we are each best and better served to look at that mirror, and know it’s all we got. it’s all we ever had. the hard part is, most people don’t know who they are. but that’s another article entirely. you get my point.

it is my wish that everyone, at this time, find themselves. use this unique time, not to holler at the news or who you THINK is responsible for your unhappiness and discontent, to look in the mirror. to get quiet. turn off the flocking TV and your little fake instagram that is TOTALLY censored to feed you lies and things that make you feel angry and inferior (I don’t know how people do it — scrolling around all day, looking at other people’s “lives”….aren’t you TIRED from that? you should be.). take inventory on your life and consider what matters. who are you helping? do you volunteer, like, for ANYTHING in life? why not? why are you so self-focused? what is your point for living or breathing? who can you help simply because it feels good to do so, without agenda? learn to be grateful for this first class country we actually live in. there is a reason everyone wants to come here, despite promoting hating it at the same time. what are those reasons? what are your reasons for being here? what are your potentials and opportunities? what can you create RIGHT NOW? great and amazing things are born from the worst times, the hardest times. I am a prime example of that. my entire life has been a shit show of hard times, and unendurable back luck and misfortune. but I know it’s not by accident, and that I have two choices; I can kill myself, or I can fight to THRIVE. since I won’t kill myself, I am left with one option only. extremes leave you with either death or passion. and while I admit that I barely had the energy to continue breathing these last three years, I knew that I would not die. and so I am stuck here. just like you. and I have had to thank my lucky stars for all of the simple things that I have, and the rare gifts that I have that we EACH have if only we DARE to look. looking takes courage. courage requires vulnerability. vulnerability requires honesty. honesty requires faith in believing in something that we can not see but that we put blind trust in, hoping that it will all work out because we are each imperfectly perfect.

stop waiting for this time to be “over”. do what you can, to empower (versus dis-empower) yourself and / or others. it can be a simple step, like sleeping more. or eating better. or hydrating. it can be as simple as that. no one is expecting us to save the world, and after all, we can not do anything actually meaningful unless and until we improve our own self first. start small. give yourself a break. but most of all, learn to think for yourself. it will change your world, and the world around you.

if you are reading this, and particularly if we have worked together, I hope you remember who you know I am. on the most core soul level. we connected for a reason. stay open.

share:

you don’t need money to start your business

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

I’m serious. any other thought is an excuse.

a few thoughts on the above.

I literally launched Healing Elaine® while I was in housing court. literally. a lot of people (who don’t know me) have questioned my path, my success, my supposed handouts or “luck”, because they do not know me or the facts and some have said that I make things “look easy”. things are never easy. at least not the things that pertain to our destiny, or walking into our destiny itself. I also want to make clear how valid, equally important and powerful our destiny may be simply by existing — we are often subject to thinking or believing that we have to “achieve” in order to matter, and that is simply not the case. although I fall partially into that category and it is something I work on within myself, I also DO know that my path is specific — and it simply happens to involve tangible “achieving”. oh how I have wished, many times while on this planet, to be able to be “normal” – to live a life and walk through a life in which I do not feel the internal pressure or desire to live out a specific purpose. but, that fire has been there since I was 18 months. I exactly remember knowing and feeling a fire, as a toddler, in my bedroom during playtime. this specific life-force within me — despite all of the twists and turns and horror I have dealt with in my life — has never left me in terms of reminding me that it was/is there to contend with for outer world purpose no matter what I do. and I suppose a lot of that fire/”drive”/life-force has much to do with where I am today. but let me get back to my point.

if you have read any of my eBooklets or much of my blog, you will get a feel for my path. I have “failed”, hundreds of times, at hundreds of things. I felt like a failure when, after a 5 star education, I could not keep the lights on in my apartment. but, I also knew my challenges — internally and externally — which contributed to that, but perhaps most importantly, the RECOGNITION that perhaps my “failures” had more to do with communicating to me my purpose versus standing in front of me as punishment. once I began to move past the self-shame and guilt around my difficulties, the lights turned on – literally and figuratively. I struggled for years and years after college — part of this was in thanks to VERY clear and bad/sadistic messaging I received early on and throughout my entire life around taking care of myself and deserving ANYTHING at all — to make ends meet. to eat, to keep a roof over my head, and to accomplish the things I wanted to accomplish. since I was not allowed free rent, I constantly had to think on my feet. I was too busy, and under to much pressure, to be “uninspired” (though I certainly had periods of “WHAT DO I DO NEXT?”). and every year there seemed to be a challenge or road block of which I had to conquer, for the purpose of my inner world as well as outer world, in order to “initiate” to the next level in my life. the Universe always seemed to allow me to get JUST FAR ENOUGH before it slammed me with another lesson. this continued to develop my own spirit as well as character and personal understanding of myself, the world, and how those two things combined. with all of that said, it was 2008 when I dove deep into understanding how metaphysics and the intangible realms would actually fit into my life — a matter I had been debating since 2003. I was broke, had just gone through a breakup, and I was outlining 3 major things for “the rest of my life” each day on paper: my creative career, my healing career, and my business/entrepreneurship career. I literally wrote out my first, middle, and last name on paper each day — each name corresponded to the part of me that I would work toward. since NO ONE of us is unilateral or linear (aka fits in a box), of course I had more than one category. in fact, I think we could all be broken up into at least 3 said categories, relative to our personality/desire/purpose. for me, in 2008, I began to try to boil each category/pot. and, kind of at the same time — until each one came to sort of a simmer. this is to say that in 2008 I outlined my acting career, my healing and writing career, and my career as a producer/entrepreneur — a combination of the first two names, with a little something extra.

I started it all by finding a way to keep that roof over my head. this also meant no more corporate work (I left that behind in 2006), so I had to think about what I could tolerate as well as what I enjoyed. so, I worked 3 jobs around that time; I waited tables and bartended, I did a ton of stand-in and photo double work on tv and film (alongside many one-off odd jobs such as a look-book model for various clothing brands, a Pucci body-paint model at Bar Mitzfahs, etc), and I did small production jobs pro-bono so that I could start building a resume in that territory. I probably worked 20 different jobs during any given quarter of the year. I also started to see people for healings — at that time, I didn’t know what to call “it”/the healings, so I would say “ok come over at 6pm. we will walk to the east river, talk through your problems, and I will work on your energy field”. and I would do that. I started with friends and acquaintances. I would talk to them for a couple of hours and lay my hands on them. I would hear their outcomes and be astounded at how quickly things moved for them. but it was nothing new — I had done this sort of “thing” my entire life already! I just wasn’t getting paid for it. I juggled the latter with all of the above, and was always still stressed about how to pay the rent. I was also not ready to announce myself in a healing capacity, though many other wonderful healers or intuitives who I had spoken with around that time continued to suggest to me that I do. I was not ready to come out of that closet though (mostly unsure of how to present it all), and I was gathering my data to do so. I wanted to create a baseline, no matter how big or small — it just had to feel steady to me — of experience in enough categories to “launch” myself. I attended a number of “new age” events within which I learned hard lessons about “spiritual” and “new age” communities — basically I was/am not a fan and learned that just because someone has an “ability” (we all do, by the way), it did/does not make them a better or noble or even good person. it just made them a person. during this time I also focused all of my efforts on landing a real tv role, and I did — I landed on a soap opera just as I had lit an intention candle for every night for 2 years. alongside this tv role, I beat the pavement, waking up for 5am tv set calls and worked 16 hour days for my unseen roles as a stand-in or photodouble. I rented my studio (a SHARE) to strangers from craigslist and thankfully no one was crazy…I was being looked out for by the man upstairs (call it God, the Universe, whatever you like). I put in the grind and I knew that I had about 2 years in each “category” of me until I could start piecing an actual business together. I might note as well, that while I was doing all of this, it was all on faith. I had no “proof” that my life would work out. every day my faith was tested. in many ways. IT STILL IS.

by 2009 I had fully achieved my acting goal for that time, moved away from that somewhat to focus on my consulting business, and started to figure out how to tie in healing/helping people. each time I got to where I wanted to go, the floor would drop out from under me again. the tests were endless. I would be backed up on rent, unable to eat, or whatever. but never once did I think “I need (a lot of) money to start a business”…I just knew that I needed to keep walking. after all, I had succeeded on very little to nothing, as well as very little support from my outer world. in 2011, when I first came out of the Healing Elaine® closet, I ordered my business cards that just said “Elaine” on them; I had a stack for “Aryn Elaine” for my creative pursuits, a stack that said “Elaine” for my metaphysical/alternative medicine/healing pursuits, and a stack that said NYRA Productions™ for my entrepreneurship/business entity. it was also around this time that I was still working several jobs (I, at this point in 2011, had a retail job, part-time liquor/wine sales jobs, was in a rock band, and had my own consulting company gigs) that barely put the rent together. I wondered when things would ever get easier. I prayed every day. I practiced the art of surrender and being present, daily — not anything new, since I spent most of my early childhood exactly in that state of prayer. friends suggested that I aim lower in terms of lowering my standards for living — that I move out of Manhattan (where I KNEW I needed to be), in order to afford more. I refused — in my mind, I couldn’t understand why someone’s goal would be to regress versus level up — I simply needed to do better, and that is what I focused on…while living and being where I felt I needed to be. I continued to rent out my tiny space to kind strangers and share it with them and my animals. I continued to work several jobs. and volunteer. I just. kept. walking. and then, when I was finally internally ready to “launch” “Elaine” to the world, I found office space by bartering my consulting skills. there were times in which I literally could not afford a subway card, and I had to walk 70 blocks to my office to see patients. it was also again during this time, that I was late on rent one-too-many times, that my landlord had had it with me and continued to find ways to bring me into housing court. THIS is the time that my business exploded, because things could not get much more difficult for me, and so I surrendered fully to the notion that what lives within us can not be destroyed — and when we leap, the net will appear. the net, of course, being support, money, or whatever. so I leapt — in my heart, in my mind, and with no concept of needing “money”.

I continued all of the above, every day, like a solider. I also knew that building an ACTUAL client base (this was pre-instagram, thankfully, and no I would NEVER have “purchased” a company on such a platform anyhow) was crucial to moving along. I knew that actual human relationships are what build any business, and I needed them. so I kept doing it. I kept working. from the quality calls that came in off of my crappy free wordpress website with an ugly background that I did not even know how to change. I spent hours per day making sure that I was visible online. I left business cards all over Manhattan. I walked. I starved some days. I felt like a LOSER in housing court on those several occasions (for anyone who ever questions the history of my details I have endless embarrassing documents of proof) and just breathed through it as lawyers and judges literally shamed me in front of the courtroom. I knew what I had inside of me. and I knew that one day they would know it too.

so I was still broke. but after a time, I began to accrue a reputation – not so much online, but offline…the most important kind of solid reputation to build. I was developing a cool army of wonderful people who knew what I did and we cared about one another and our respective paths. and it just kept going from there.

what does a person need money for when starting a business? I mean, really? you don’t need money for an idea — that should be the whole point of giving birth to a business: it comes from within you. you don’t need money for space — you can barter your other skills for that space, or find a way to barter with your idea as it should be good enough or your reasons for bartering your idea should be good enough (where there is a will with integrity, there is ALWAYS a way). and you don’t need money for marketing — businesses are not built on marketing!!! sure, marketing GROWS a business, but if you start without a business, you are paying for the illusion of a business. and as you will witness in the near-future, [they] are most certainly not built on social media (a massive fallacy that is going to crumble). businesses are built on 1) ideas 2) thinking outside of the box when there are no resources — because again, resources are a smoke and mirror for the real work that needs to be done 3) success cases/testimonials. if you are selling a product, or you have an idea for a product like many friends of mine, then SELL THAT PRODUCT before you have it. yes, there is a way to do this. it’s called create one sample. ONE SAMPLE. i.e. one coffee mug. one healing session. one face mask serum. JUST ONE…and sell it to somebody. you can be living in your grandmother’s basement (hopefully not rent free — because the temptation to become lazy will be there!) and do this! you don’t need all of the outer-world “fixings” and illusions of “success” to do this. what is stopping you? an excuse, I tell you.

I have had close friends and acquaintances who are otherwise really intelligent people. they went to the ivies, or whatever. they are not the ones who have access to old money or any money (like so many of these “venture capital” firms started by 20 year olds out of xyz sexy University — that’s not necessarily called starting a company, that’s called calling up connections and potentially putting on a farce…and it happens…). and they are so full of excuses (bottom line: they are afraid – like any human would be, but at a certain point we must move beyond this and stop the fake complaining…such as when our difficulties finally and actually outweigh our fear!), it is amazing. I have said to them, “what would you do if you had that 10k? or that 100K?” and usually they have NOTHING to say that they could not ALREADY start that company with — with ZERO dollars.

I started Healing Elaine® during the hardest years of my life. spiritually, emotionally, and certainly tangibly — and perhaps that destruction is the best kind of “luck” that I could have had in launching an incredible business. and the truth is, I still struggle. when I began making what I call “grownup money” — i.e. I could pay the rent, help out friends and other small business and make donations to animal non-profits and such, I actually put EVERY SINGLE DOLLAR back into my business. to grow it. to protect it (with legal, clerical and logistical services). I never saved. I maxed out all of my credit cards. I have always accrued debt to keep the machine moving, and I did it all in the name of my purpose, my business, my “destiny”. I don’t regret any of it. the biggest investment that we can make is in ourselves yes, but also as well as the services of others who can help us grow. MY CURRENCY WAS AND IS MY SERVICE. I also invest a ton of money into every single session that I do now — because I want it to be the best experience possible. I don’t cut corners and I don’t worry about going broke and being homeless — that has already happened. I can always be broke, but I will never be poor. and there is nothing that is left to be taken from me in this world, literally or figuratively. so the one thing that can never be taken is my business. your business. because a business is not only an intangible at heart, an idea, a service, but a testimony to your path and destiny on this planet. even if you were to lose “it” all today or start from nothing tomorrow, your business would still be there. and you do not need money for that.

share: