where we are at right now (energetically), individually and collectively

photo by Jennifer Santaniello

the old door has closed. the new door hasn’t opened. this has a lot of us feeling very WTF!!! (probably an understatement).

being caught, metaphorically (but it can feel literal), between two doors is some super uncomfortable shit. we try to go back to our old ways, our old beliefs, our old fears, our old life…and life just isn’t having it for us.

not everyone will make it through. it all depends upon how much we are willing to surrender to things that we are not certain about, in order to change ourselves to accommodate the new earth energy that has come through to support us and our consciousness. by the way, consciousness extends to EVERYTHING in our life – our relationships, our physical reality, and the thoughts and feelings that produce those things.

so, what is it that we are not certain about? we are not certain that our “new” (what lies behind the new door) thoughts and feelings will support us. because how would we know that they will, beyond blind faith?

it’s funny how we trust the unseen in many ways — like via technology. we turn on a light or a phone and communicate that way. but when it comes to our own computer, our own body and mind, we question the nature of our spirit as it relates to the “future” because we don’t have a tangible item to hold to control. and this is all about control…

when we truly release control, we feel as though we are dying. because in a sense, we are. but back to that feeling — like we are dying. it’s a real feeling when we are no longer allowed to access our old ways of being. and so we sit in limbo. we will sit in between the two doors — because both can NOT be opened at the same time — and we suffer. we rage. we complain. we repeat the same patterns. and they don’t work. we use force, “magic potions” and all kinds of bullshit to try and cheat the universe…and yet they either do not work at all or they severely backfire. and then we sit. again. alone in the room. either with all of the money in the world, or none of the money in the world, sweating and stressing over bills and basic logistics, and it is ALL the same. we are still stuck between two doors, and nothing material can change the state.

everyone’s time between these two very LOUD and present doors is different. collectively, it’s probably a 6-month to 1-year hold as far as I see it. individually, it can shadow or teeter on one side or the other of that time period. but it is not a mistake that “everyone” feels like shit is hitting the fan at the same time. we are all being asked to be different. there is no hierarchy in spiritual growth. no one escapes it. all things are relative. no gurus can escape it. no non-believers can escape it. what we do with it is irrelevant to the fact that it will sit there until we allow….”it” is the boiling hot or freezing cold temperature between the two doors, and “allow” is what we decide to stop grabbing for in order to feel cooler or warmer.

if you haven’t figured it out by now, we are all connected. everything that we do to another we only really do to our own self. some of us will never figure that piece out, and that’s fine. it’s called contrast and we need it in order to expand. there is nothing in my life that I have built that did not come from extreme pain aka contrast. that said, yes we are all connected, and no we are not all energetically or consciously equal. this part is the part that separates us from certain group-think, friendships or relationships that we have had our entire lives, jobs, and so on. we are a mosaic and all shifting in equal but RELATIVE terms. there is no one who has it easier than the next. and the next time you go to “wish” you were xyz person, think again — because you just might get the challenges that accompany them on their “lucky” journey and then you might actually have a HUGE problem because it’s not what you bargained for. we don’t see what is actually there, rather we only see what we are “not”, relative to our own potential.

it’s been a really painful time for so many people lately. and it’s because we are collectively stuck in between two doors. some of us are still trying to open the old one, and some of us have our hand on the new one, accepting that the old one will never again open. this year, I went through a real death of self when I tossed my work space out the window. it was a space that I built more than half a decade ago, and many healings took place there. experiences that I will never forget. I had identified, like we all do, with what I was doing — constant healings. around the clock. even if I worked with just one person a week or one person a month, they were with me for many months. I was in contact with them for countless hours, both in person and virtually. I was accustomed to what I WAS…which was a routine, an identity, a duty, a life. I do tend to live in the moment, and so “easing” into my next steps (= dreams and purpose) wasn’t really on my radar. well, that’s not the way that the universe likes to do things for me anyhow. the universe likes to put me in really impossible situations (why I love working with mystery illness issues and fertility issues! I love the thrill of possibly solving them!) to see how I will climb out of them. and the thing that I do know about myself, is that I always use integrity. and it is integrity alone that “gets me out” of my old or outgrown worlds. for more on that part (thoughts on integrity), read my earlier posts. when I realized that I was being cut off from scaling my work and my business because it was not sustainable to my energy, it was the end of 2017. and it just kept changing toward what I have always wanted, but wasn’t sure how to “get” to. what I wanted is written throughout this entire blog. but in order to “get” there, the universe had to murder my identity. this meant taking fewer sessions. seeing fewer people. dragging me away, in a certain format, from what I “love”. so that I could open a new door(s).

losing this perceived identity was hard. you might be thinking “what are you talking about, you are still a healer…”…well I am talking about the daily minutia. because THIS is where the real change occurs. I’m not talking about the kind of identity change or life change that happens overnight. it’s the daily everything that is coated with everything behind the old door. we can not possibly outsmart the process between the two doors, or “plan” for it. this is why most people sit at a 9-5 and fantasize about what it might be like to have fame or money or work for themselves…it (the ability to change, to have something different) is all in the minutia. and the minutia is addictive.

I’m not sure exactly when this next “door” is done opening for everyone (and the door is certainly relative to someone’s life path and how they have used their free will — feel free to read my eBooklet on the physics of karma), but we are in a collective motion. which means we are each grappling with what it all means, regardless of where we are headed. I feel that the next year is going to produce seemingly “overnight” positive changes and success for those who have been working toward goals for many years. as always, nothing sustainable is built overnight (so don’t get me started on social media – those who don’t understand sustainability are in for a shock over this next period of time). and so all that has been worked for behind the scenes, mostly in the inner world of an individual, for what possibly feels like an eternity for many people, is the next door. I know what my door feels like. I’ve had my hand on it for about a year now. and I know that what lies behind it is magic. this comes in the face of some of the most exaggerated contrast you might imagine would oppose magic. but hey, there’s my relativity. do you want it? probably not.

if you are trapped between your two doors, and you have taken your hand off of the old one, just sit there. in the hot, or in the cold, or whatever miserable temperatures have been handed to you as conditions for what you are internally acquiring for your next steps which are behind the new door. just sit there. when the internal and external aspects of your life have been ripened with different temperatures, you will, simply by the very nature of being a live being, put your hand on the new door. if you don’t have all of the answers or maybe you don’t even resonate with this post at all, know that you have two fundamental choices: enter an old world (impossible), or brave the storm that precedes the new world (door).


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Anita’s Video Testimonial for Healing Elaine®

this is a really relatable share. if we are able to catch and transform certain patterns born from our experiences, we end the cycles that we each battle in different ways.

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there is no shortcut out of an ego death. there is no shortcut out of a dark night of the soul. there is no stopping a spiritual awakening. the only way out is through, so stop resisting.

there is no shortcut out of an ego death. there is no shortcut out of a dark night of the soul. there is no stopping a spiritual awakening. the only way out is through, so stop resisting.

before I begin to address the above subject(s), let me start by saying that it is important to me that no one confuse any actual mental illness or chemical imbalance with what I describe in this eBooklet. often times, particular “awakening” phases can mimic symptoms of true mental illness and it is important to know the difference. symptoms of a mystical/philosophical variety and actual mental illness can “look similar” and at the same time there are DISTINCTIVE differences. and, many people who are mentally ill or who do have a mental illness are characterized by denial – even and especially during full-blown symptoms. if you are having ANY experiences that affect your ability to function in the outside world for days at a time, i.e. sleep, eat, and socialize with others, and/or if you are hearing audible voices or feel paranoid, it is very important to consider a consultation with a good psychiatrist. you may just be in an awakening process, you may in fact have a chemical situation in your brain that needs support, or you may have BOTH happening at the same time! so, that is to say that NOT everything you are going through that could be considered “bizarre” or “unique” is in fact such; classic mystical and philosophical states have their own category outside of a mental health condition and you have to know how that may or may not apply to your overall condition. this is a very tricky territory for some people to navigate, especially since the “intangible” or “mystical” is typically faced with complete intolerance and indifference in the medical community, and my heart goes out to anyone in a position where they actually need treatment and medication. I cannot imagine the added difficulty it presents for them. sometimes a massive awakening presents as a one-time psychotic break that mimics an illness yet it is not an illness. many times, however, a psychotic break is the indicator of the onset of a life-long condition that needs attention.

one of my major goals in this life, especially during this time of awakening on our planet, is to provide support for distinguishing a spiritual awakening, ego death, and/or dark night of the soul from an actual mental health crisis. in doing so, the actual mental health crisis – whether separate or accompanying the processes I describe here – can perhaps be addressed in a more cutting-edge and more powerful/effective way by medical professionals. many of the medical professionals I know personally who work at a high level in the fields of psychiatry or psychology are actually sensitives/intuitives themselves, and they have been forbidden to go near esoteric subjects from the time they were studying at University. introducing the esoteric or intangible to the science and medical communities has proven extremely difficult in mainstream medicine and psychiatry. fortunately, there are brave souls and doctors how have put their reputations on the line and broken the mold. I am excited because more and more of these special individuals are coming forward to help bridge the gap. the stigma around mental illness and chemicals in the brain is still awful, and treatment measures could and will be a lot better than what they have been up until this point.

I also want to state that I, personally, have no history of mental illness. while I enjoy/ed reading scores of books on various conditions and discussing them with my friends who were/are mental health professionals, I never experienced what I know those who suffer from actual conditions experience. however if I was, you had better believe that I would be a major personal public advocate for mental health based on my own story. if you are suffering chemically, please have a look at amazing, inspirational people who have both accepted, addressed and overcome the challenges they have been presented with. here are two to start with, Miss Elyn Saks, and Miss Eleanor Longden.

there should be NO shame or fear around chemical matters of the brain, yet shame and fear seem to permeate so many beautiful and talented humans who do experience chemical imbalances in the brain. I will do my best, with my various sensitivities both emotionally and physiologically, Bridging the Gap Between Medical & Spiritual™

most of the people I see are in the middle of one of these three processes. depending on the person, the process will move “fast” or “slow” – and time is most certainly an illusion during these phases, so it might as well be irrelevant to discuss time. everyone wants to know “how long”? “how much longer do I have to go through this”? my answer is always the same: how much longer do you want to keep resisting?

until we surrender to the throes of something we don’t understand, haven’t experienced before and cannot control, we will remain in a painful state. which is the whole point of visiting that state in the first place! we were brought there to surrender. this is not something that humans typically do well. we are raised in a culture of control, and now more than ever a culture of instant satisfaction; instant knowing. instant controlling. this is not how the internal human experience is designed, though.

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