abuse and thieves of innocence, and the families who hide it to save face (and reference to the Hastert disgrace)

abuse and thieves of innocence, and the families who hide it to save face (and reference to the Hastert disgrace)

help-me-image.jpg

it is disturbing that oh so often, several things accompany BURYING abuse: [this abuse (not a mistake, it is a repeated over and over and over offence) can be verbal, physical, emotional (gaslighting and manipulation) or sexual] #money, #religion, and #politics.

in this blog I would like to focus on abuse that occurs in a certain socioeconomic background, namely the 1% – the REASON for this focus, is drawing attention to the ripple effect it has on our entire country and society, in terms of how it serves as an example for veiling BROADER abuse that exists on a massive social plane. since the 1% obviously control that. when we are dealing with “abuse by the 1%”, it is executed and handled much of the way our politics and once-coveted religious institutions have been handled: with scary, threatening, deafening white gloves, that MASK and fool the public. in many of the cases I have handled through my work, this reality has been prevalent. abuse at the hands of the wealthy or privileged is surely an interesting phenomenon, and the family members associated with said abuser will stop at NOTHING to appear perfect. what astonishes me is the lengths at which these bystanders, who are only concerned about their family’s “reputation”, will go to in order to bury the victim.

the above theme of burying the victim to save the face of the family is prevalent across the board, in almost all instances of abuse. it is primal in nature, and goes back to the tribal instinct that insists on sacrificing one for the safety and honor of the tribe. it doesn’t matter to them whether they know the victim is in fact a victim. when I read the statement given by Hastert’s wife and son to the judge on the case, I nearly vomited. because this notion is all too familiar to me. it never ceases to amaze me as to the weakness inherent in human beings. these people, relatives of Hastert, could care less about the reality or the victim(s). their selfish plea to protect their family is almost unfathomable to me, but I encounter it oh so often.

one important thing to know and understand, if you have been the victim of abuse at the hands of your own family or anyone else, is the fact that anyone who failed to speak up on your behalf while it was occurring will most certainly go out of their way to throw you under the bus now (and you must be ok with that — likely if you are coming forward now, you are already ok with that). not because you are bad, and not even because they dislike you; but because they are weak and inherently selfish. fear is akin to all weakness and cruelty, while love is the opposite. it is extremely rare for one member of the tribe of the abuser to not only step up on behalf of a victim, but to actively admit the wrongdoing of such abuse. there is a chemical in the brain, supporting the adrenaline in the body committed to the safety and preservation of the tribe, that prohibits them from even admitting it psychologically.

I have treated some of the worst cases one would ever imagine hearing about. I won’t even repeat them on this blog, out of respect for the individuals who suffered. and without fail, the most incredible part of their abuse – beyond the act itself – is the weakness and cowardice of the family members of the abuser. I have yet to hear otherwise. and trust me, they all knew what was going on, whether they pretend/ed otherwise or not. this is the part where I wonder how they sleep at night. therein lies their own karmic consequence(s).

if you have not been the victim of abuse, it is important to note the following: fear, shame, blame and guilt are the DRIVING elements of fuel that ensures a victim does not come forward. when a person comes forward MANY years after the incident(s), it is because their ego had trained their unconscious and often conscious mind to stay alive by staying silent. this can not be understood in a logical fashion, because the activity of such training exists in the deep, intangible realms of the person’s body and psyche. when a person is abused, there is a chemical that goes off in the BODY. obviously it is connected to the brain, because the brain is processing the abuse. in the body, there is a fight or flight response. this is the adrenaline that courses through, identifying the abuse as a near death threat. in natural settings, adrenaline of such variety is in place to warn us about a bear that might attack us or a fire that might kill us. but when we are dealing with abuse that is more cognitive/conscious in nature, and not strictly physical (abuse, particularly sexual or physical abuse, is never strictly physical), the body and mind battle it out to register the meaning behind it. after the abuse is “over”, whether it takes place one or many times, the mind short circuits and can not rationalize the event — because there is no rationale to begin with. the body then registers the abuse as something chosen, or self-imposed, and on top of that the abuser will use equally resonant tools of blame/shame/guilt often via manipulation. all of the above will create an adrenaline response to even discussing the abuse after it occurs. now, some folks do discuss it and work through it right away. but that is rare. and as a child (in particular as a child) when this happens, the mind is not fully developed and there is a disconnect between the mind and body which forces quit on their entire computer of self.

years later when a person is either forced to confront their abuse or decides to confront it because the burden of the memory (mentally, emotionally physically and so on) is just too big, they will most certainly contend with the adrenaline that indicates certain and present danger! this is why so many people, as adults, do not come forward with their past experience of abuse. the adrenaline is serving its purpose, no doubt, but the mind and body do not understand that this memory is not in REAL TIME. the mind will then come up with many logical reasons to dismiss discussing the abuse. if the abuse is discussed, the very TOOLS that fueled the coverup of such (shame/blame/guilt) will surface and overtake the person’s mind and body. unless they have access to a REALLY good therapist, or they are REALLY self introspective, they may never release this beast of burden from their physical and energetic fields. like any ptsd accompaniment, adrenaline is almost a ploy of the mind and subconscious to keep a person quiet and keep the memory or memories locked away. the body does not understand that bringing up those memory or memories does not indicate immediate threat or danger, and that it will not actually physically die or regress.

abusers are often victims themselves, but some just came out of the box incredibly wonky. there is light and there is dark, and everything in between. every person and case has its own set of particulars. I do have great compassioin for all persons who have suffered or are suffering, and therefore create suffering. but it doesn’t mean that I tolerate the continuation of such. abuse in and of itself is a thief of innocence. many like Hastert are THIEVES of innocence. just as if one would rob a bank, those like Hastert and even those of a lesser or differnt variety of abuse administration are thieves and shall be held accountable. perpetuating and validating their theft are the wives, relatives and individuals (ALWAYS those who stand to benefit, either emotionally or financially!!!) around them. it is a disgusting act, and it makes those who benefit in some way then guilty for their part as well. one thing I see nearly all of the time in cases of abuse is religion. “the family were devout churchgoers, active in their community”. it is really a interesting thing how this religious component seems to “creep” into the life of the families that coverup their abuser’s actions. this is never a coincidence. and when money is involved, often those around the abuser who stand to benefit make their deal with the devil and convince themselves that nothing untoward has happened.

the problem with all of this on the broader, societal scale, is that when one tribe of people covers up abuse, it almost gives permission to the next tribe. and the next. and the next. particularly in the 1% sector — which controls, as we know, many things. and it just so happens that obviously money can be a tool of manipulation and silence. when a precedent like this is set, it is available to take place on a very large scale. this is where ethics and goodness deflate and evaporate and a “new normal” becomes acceptable in places of high authority and decision-making.

everything has a ripple effect, so if we are able to put a stop to even just one family or group of people who either cover up abuse or attempt to, we are chipping away at the infrastructure that envelops our political and financial and religious institutions. somehow the three elements are always linked, and it didn’t start out as the master roadmap – it evolved that way out of human weakness and cowardice. one small step in the right direction on behalf of even just one person makes a ripple that will ultimately begin shifting the paradigm of abuse and thieves of innocence – on both an individual and collective level.

Share:

PSA regarding “psychics” and “tarot readers”

if ANY “psychic”, “tarot reader”, “intuitive”, “energy worker” or ANYONE of the sort/variety tries to tell you that you have “dark energy in/around you” or tells you anything at all that depresses your mood and makes you feel vulnerable/dependent, then you have encountered an Energy Vampire. these folks PREY on light, bright and powerful electromagnetic fields for FOOD. as they are void/vampiric either dynamically or organically, those with gifts and positivity are often their favorite victims (temporarily, of course — “WHAT IS” will always return to it’s original state, eventually). every time they get you to “bleed” (when you feel fear, you bleed an emotion – this turns into fuel for whomever illicits this response from you, in any way), they are putting gas in their tank. I am so tired of hearing from people that they have been sucked in or duped by someone with “special abilities” and depleted energetically or financially. if someone is not empowering you, then they are bringing you down. I don’t care how “gifted” these folks are or appear to be – often they will suck someone in by sharing certain truths, perhaps truths about someone’s life that no one else would know – it does NOT make them good or honorable or even remotely above board people. psychic does NOT equal angelic or blessed. STAY AWAY from anyone who fits the profile I describe here, and do not let them approach you on the street, either – that is akin to walking into someone’s house without knocking. know your energetic and otherwise boundaries!

Share:

things — whether a relationship or a job — do not have to be terrible in order for us to leave them.

things — whether a relationship or a job — do not have to be terrible in order for us to leave them.

Business-Growth-1024x1024.jpg

in other words, why keep settling? there is a difference between a grass-is-always-greener mentality, and a decisive approach to a more positive and healthy life.

we settle for many reasons in life. for the record, most of my blogs are from the perspective of a “first world problem” lens, so make no mistake about the importance or depth of these seemingly more high-maintenance or high-class issues I blog about. I have traveled extensively, and understand that the prevalence of much of what I write about is few to none in many other parts of the world. that said, and even comparatively speaking, we live in a country that has endless opportunity. with so much opportunity across the board, why do we find ourselves settling so much?

in all cases, we are dealing with fear. fear of abandonment (i.e. if I leave this friendship, I won’t have another friend. or, if I leave this romantic partner, I will never meet anyone else. or, if I leave this job, it is possible that no one else will hire me), fear of lack (it is ironic that in a country so rich, we actually have more lack mentality than any other country I have lived in) and fear of judgement (this is a close second to fear of abandonment, as it is the perceived byproduct of abandonment).

the problem is, when we stay out of fear of abandonment, we are actually getting even less than what we settled for in the first place. the logical mind is an excellent devil’s playground for the ego to make up “LOGICAL” excuses as to why we should stick around in a relationship or situation that does not match our intrinsic value. but, we are agreeing — through our actions — to the lens of the friendship or job or employer that does not match our value. so, how would we even know what lies beyond if we do not leap? then, there is the trust factor we need to develop — leap and the net will appear (not the other way around). believing is seeing (not the other way around).

what I see people struggle with the most is the idea that things really aren’t that bad, or aren’t even bad at all, so why rock the boat? why go for that promotion, or apply at that new company if we are making ends meet at our current job? why better oneself if it means outgrowing a significant other and changing and entire family dynamic? why create boundaries around offensive and rude relatives if it means being disliked or disowned by family members? why leave a friendship if the friend isn’t all that bad all of the time, but is tolerable, if it might mean our social life takes a time-out? why look for a bigger or more luxurious apartment or home if the one we have is fine, and if that means our acquaintances or colleagues might be jealous or feel bad because they think we are bougie? why work out at the gym and eat well and become the best version of our physical self if it means we don’t recognize the way we look anymore and that kind of change feels threatening and people will treat us differently, especially if we already like the way we look? why eat healthier and focus on wellness if we are in decent health and don’t have cancer or some illness? in other worlds, we think, if nothing is overtly broken, why should we fix it? why go from good to great?

here’s the thing. things don’t have to currently BE bad in order for us to need to pay attention to them and challenge ourselves. because this is the truth: if we do not choose our own challenges, the UNIVERSE WILL CHOOSE THE CHALLENGES FOR US (I’d rather choose!). for example. a number of years ago, my life was going well. better than it had, ever. I wasn’t waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I was a little nervous about things going so well. I kept getting this sense that the Universe wanted me to strive EVEN harder to show myself what I was capable of — on all fronts. [I had remembered what an advisor said to me 10 years prior: “you’re doing a lot of setting”. and, it was true. I stayed in relationships with people who were so far beneath not only what I had to offer, but what I deserved! I stayed because things weren’t horrible. my early ego was trained strictly to avoid abusive situations, but never to go too far beyond that. so I had a hard time at excelling. my ego actually feared it. I truly thought that I had to almost be on my death bed at the hands of a person or situation in order to move on. I did not realize that I didn’t have to hate or even dislike them, in order to have “permission” to move on (and up!)!] anyhow, as I was nervous about things going so well during the time period I speak of in this paragraph, I was getting this message that said “it’s time to step it up. it’s time to step up your fitness routine and get into the best shape of your life. because you can. because it is time to see physical evidence of all of your transformations, and then more manifestations of growth in your tangible life will also show up”. this is the way that the Universe was hoping I would challenge myself. I was acutely aware of this request, but also aware of the fact that I was “already in good shape, already healthy”. so, there was no real urgency. until the Universe created one for me. a few days after the loud messages regarding stepping up my physical activity were reaching me (and I was even actively considering meeting with a personal trainer — but obviously not fast enough for my higher self’s taste), I broke my toe/foot. right then and there, my challenge had been CHOSEN for me. why? because the nature of human growth/feeling “alive” exists in CONTRAST. and with contrast, we either get to CHOOSE IT or it will choose us. I got a real-time example of this.

in relationships it has been no different. I have had what one might call “sub par” romantic relationships and friendships. at my core, I knew that I had much higher standards for how I would treat people and the world around me, but somehow I settled with people who did not have the same standards for themselves and certainly not for me! so, what did I get? I got mediocre relationships and even LESS in exchange. for a long time, because there was no world war III in my relationships, I stayed. I tolerated. I SETTLED. until I started understanding the actual notion of settling, and how there did not have to be explosions around a person or situation in order for me to move on from them. prior to understanding this, there was always a strong element of guilt for me. I felt that I HAD to stay friends or in a job etc just because I agreed to it at some point. but human growth is not a set in stone based on one agreement at one point in time — we are allowed to change our minds, to grow. we are allowed to choose better. even when we are not in grave danger. it is so useless to stay in situations that are not constantly growing or challenging us — and by challenging us, I do not mean breaking our toe so that we can have the satisfaction of feeling accomplished when we can finally walk normally again (that was my “gift” — the contrast that resides in a challenge, only this one was imposed upon me. but I did feel super accomplished when I could walk normally again. SMH). we should not have to expose ourselves to sub par people or situations who we have to constantly repair or reset from, right back to where we began and not an inch beyond, afterward.

a lot of people deal with guilt, and the fears I note above when they consider making a move. choosing better/more for ourselves often leaves us with the fear of being alone, or the idea that it is lonely at the top. but, if it is, then it might be worth reaching the peak of that mountain so that at least once we are at the top, we can see all of the other “lonely” “freaks” who have had the courage to do the same. we don’t find them mid-mountain, because our challenges will be associated with recovering from mid-mountain activity versus thriving from new beginnings and expansion. new beginnings and expansion are indeed challenges, but self-CHOSEN challenges.

it will be very clear to us whether we are acting out of a grass-is-always greener mentality — if this is the case, we will be looking for a “quick fix” to make us happier. a decisive decision to move toward a healthier, more positive life, will come from a longer-term focus. a decisive, discerning versus judgemental decision will come from the awareness of our fears and desires.

if you are waiting for things to change in your life, feeling stuck, wanting “more” and wondering “what is next?”, don’t wait for your toe/foot to break. it is likely that the Universe is calling upon you to make a list of what your intrinsic self desires are, and have the balls to first fully admit it, and then go after it. this way, the challenge will be in facing the fear, not regressing backwards with the challenge to reach the very place you started from before said setback(s).

“if you’re not growing, you’re dying”.

 

 

Share:

booking a session with me: how

I want to briefly outline a few or more of the particulars of my session.

first, I have been trimming down the number of general public sessions I am taking.

second, my session is incredibly long and always evolving. I do not work the way anyone else does. I don’t know how to. this does NOT mean it is the best session for everyone. there is someone for everyone.

third, the QUANTIFIABLE TIME ONLY (my in-person session and subsequent remotes) of my session follows a very standard hourly rate. that said, I go above and beyond the quantifiable time. in some cases, I have spent far upwards of 50 cumulative hours working with just one person (not including my hours or days of prep work, self-detox/release work and so on – related to this, please read my blog about what happens to me before/during/after a session). I do not do this work because it is a “job” or because I can earn income. I do it with intention, purpose, caution (discerning who the session is right for and when), and love. I am bringing a person into the chambers of my heart and personal life. this is why I can go far beyond the parameters or boundaries of what a medical doctor or traditional psychotherapist or the like is able to. I do not work with a stopwatch, I do not place a ton of red tape around followup correspondence, and due to such everything must line up. if you are expecting a one or two or even three hour fee for my session, you will be best suited to book something with one of my patients who now has their own practice (listed on my social media under references or my youtube channel). alongside my trimming down of public scheduling (also, I do not take referrals, nor do I work with people who know one another, nor do I book gift certificates for a session on behalf of a third party), the amount of time that I spend with a single person has grown. it grows every few months. therefore my rates grow/have grown. which is why I do not post my general session rates on my website. however, they are the same for everyone (I work with single mothers on welfare and I work with very recognized persons) at whichever period of time I book them. that’s just what it has been and it has worked out well for everyone – a sliding scale has never been the right thing to attempt to do. there are many other practitioners out there who can help someone who can not take a session with me. it is also not my responsibility to work with everyone just because I have decided to crack open my heart and mind and share it for a living.

fourth, keep in mind that it is an INTENSE session – to say the least (and has grown more intense over the last few years, and it grows and expands every couple of months). it requires patience. even for the incredibly functional and experienced psychologists/psychoanalysts/MDs etc whom I treat. just because you may have had reiki or “energy work” etc before, does not mean you will have a similar experience with me. I use the word “reiki” because everyone seems to be familiar with that word. what I do goes far beyond that in both conversation and actual in person work, and before and after quantifiable work on behalf of the patient. it is not something one should “try out”. at least not with me. it is usually a resounding gut feeling in the person who commits to a session with me that causes them to see me, and that is perfect because the last thing I will do is “sell” a session – in fact I’m more known to talk folks out of one. my patient Michael, who did a video testimonial for me and whom I stay friendly with and in contact with, gets a real kick out of the fact that I do anything but suggest or sell a session. he says I need a business sales manager. ha. but he understands as well as anyone I’ve seen as to why my approach is what it is. it’s not even an approach, but rather a natural and honest way of relating information to a potential patient. this type of commitment has to come fully from the potential patient. my 50% in our coming together is sniffing out whether they are right for the session, and their 50% in our coming together is sniffing out whether the time is right for the session.

fifth, how to book a session with me: if you are serious about booking a session, please read the entirety of my website. please order the prerequisite books prior to calling me. you will need to feel a connection to the material in each. I can and will answer all of your many questions if/when we speak on the phone. intangible work and advisory work is very personal – therefore whether you want to book with me or someone else, it is important to fully research the process and understand what you are getting and why. after you have done this, please leave a simple voicemail on the business line (917) 985-1221 (current number as of March 2019) with only your first name – not your story or backstory – and the fact that you have picked up both books. in the past, I have received so many calls (upwards of 200 per week) and so little time, and I simply work with a gut intuition as to how to triage my list. it does NOT mean that one person is better than the next, or more important. it is divine guidance/intuition on my part. if I have not called you back, it does not mean that I do not want to see you. if you have left only one voicemail and are concerned that your message has been lost (it does happen), leave another one about one week later with, again, just your first name, phone number, and the fact that you have both books. finally, I wish I could take a session every day back to back — I can not and do not do so. that said, my prep and release work around a session is intense. if/when we speak, please do not dive right in and tell me all about yourself or why you are calling – I can already feel and sense so, so much. please also do not ask me to cold read you over the phone. I will not, unless something is screaming at me and I am guided to do so.

after I begin tapering off my general public one-one-one sessions (September 2017), I will be working in ways that are more supportive to large numbers of people – this includes working with people who have a large platform and affect many others (government personnel, media personnel, etc). I am navigating some of these ideas and paths as I type, and have been for some time. media will play a large role in my work, as a bridge and a platform/vessel for information that should be in everyone’s hands. as a Capricorn, everything must be in its rightful place for me to embark down these broader and more public paths 🙂

I am honored to do this work, particularly during these VERY progressive times on our planet in general, as well as in the medical/alternative medicine/unseen realms.

Share:

what drives a con artist, and how do they (temporarily) “succeed” in their cons?

what drives a con artist, and how do they (temporarily) “succeed” in their cons?

con-artist.jpg

I might be one of the best/worst encounters a con artist/sociopath could have in his lifetime (for the sake of this blog, I will use “he” in this paragraph, but I am referring to either gender, male or female). I might be the best because he can sense my open heart, my unconditional caring and understanding (obviously! – I am a healer), and any past personal injuries I’ve incurred would be a match/compliment to his sick behavior (similar to how a dog can sense a tornado before it happens). he would consider me an excellent target because he would mistake my kindness for weakness. he would overlook the intelligence and intuition as well as fire for justice that lurks behind the qualities he is drawn to. I might be his worst encounter, because whilst I am sensitive and caring and giving and always give the benefit of the doubt to anyone I meet, I am equally balanced and quick-witted with intuition, analysis, experience and a serious moral code – which means that not only will I not stick around, but that I will inform others he may harm. to date, I have met three “severe” con artists. I will use the term severe because in each case they were thieves, pathological liars about things that no sane person would lie about, were either in trouble with the law or about to be in trouble with the law, and had VERY intelligent people around them convinced that they were sane, even upstanding humans.

the most important thing to note about a con artist is that it is NOT the actual con that they are pulling off that excites them, but rather FOOLING and “one-upping” very intelligent people around them. because they do operate at a very high threshold of intelligence and intellect, they are indeed quick to assess their prey quicker than their prey might notice. however, all prey have an initial – even if brief – gut feeling about these con artists. which is then quickly pushed down. I know I had a major gut feeling in each instance. the reasons for pushing the gut feeling down, I will outline here later. the con gets off on tricking, manipulating, maneuvering and winning over people who have substantial things to offer; reputation, money, time & energy, contacts & friends and so forth. the con feels exhilarated and accomplished just being around those of a high-caliber. to him, it DEFINES him. he gets high off of pulling strings and puppeteering people – it feels like crack to him. it is an addiction. and since a con has no sense of self, he will define himself by his ability to win over people of authority, respect, honor and achievement. he fills in the blanks of his soul with the qualities possessed by others. his only “talent”, if you will, is his skill at fooling others.

I can not make it clear enough as to how clever a con can be, and the type of person he can reel in. these are not dumb people. many of them have ivy league degrees, work in law enforcement, psychology and so forth. think of some of the greatest cons of all time, and look at those they have sucked under their tides. if you have been conned or realize you are being conned, do NOT take yourself for a fool. remember: this is the ONLY thing that a con is successful at — lying to someone, fooling someone, and getting them to believe him! the greater the challenge, and the more “important” or respected the person that the con is able to fool, the greater the HIGH he receives. have a look at some of the most infamous cons of all time: http://www.cracked.com/article_15892_the-5-ballsiest-con-artists-all-time.html

when it comes to business, a con will usually choose people who also have some ego. this can be difficult to admit to ourselves if we have actually been sucked in by a con. it is hard to look at our own ego drive which includes feeling important, accomplished, recognized and so on. a con will promise or allude to all of those things, which can feel like a big high to the typical overachiever or person who wants to do something “big” with their life. a con will often never stay in one place for too long; he will travel from place to place to place – usually to “borrow” money and to not stick around long enough for people to catch on to his character. a con will never get personal regarding their emotions. they will not share feelings, they will not talk about past difficult times in their childhood, and they will not reveal anything that they believe could “expose” them – even though a con is ALWAYS exposed, eventually. a con will spend a lot of time “on the road”, meeting new innocent people to suck in and bring on board their next “brilliant idea” – which, by the way, will also ALWAYS be a rip-off of something someone else has already done or is doing. a con lacks the ONE THING that they so desperately want: uniqueness. they fear that they may be bland, boring, regular, just like everyone else, overlooked…that particular fear is just to big for them to deal with. but the truth is, they are empty shells who exist only to feed off of other people. their ideas are never original, and they will copy a model of something that another person has already done… except use it for bad – to extort money and possibilities from other people. initially, if we are involved with a con, their idea might look lucrative and positive – they might even give us money or do us some favor that “appears” to be in our best interest. this is how they suck us in. all the while, however, they are making a sandwich with all of the fixings but without the meat/center. they are building the facade that we will buy into if we don’t ask for or demand certain things. when we finally do ask for or demand certain things, the con will quickly turn on us as he has been exposed.

I’ll start with a story of one of my personal past experiences. when I first launched my healing practice in a public fashion (or as I like to refer to it, “coming out of the closet to the public”), I had an office. I met a legitimate doctor who asked me to join his “wellness center” close by to my office at that time, and that I did not have to pay rent. within our very first few minutes of meeting, I asked him for his full name so that I could tune into him. I said “you are ruthless. some might say dangerous and you stop at nothing to get what you want”. I even sensed trouble with the law. somehow, I wanted to believe that the opportunity to work closely with a medical doctor and facilitate change within the alternative medicine arena was still there and that maybe he was a really good person. after all, his “best friend” was also a highly regarded medical doctor (who I found out was completely in love with him, even though she was married — to another doctor — with two children. the typical magnetic pull of a skilled con man), and his other “best friend” was equally applauded on paper. in addition, I actually felt very awake, alive and positive around this person. it is now that I realize that many cons are enigmatic, or have a quality that excites other people. it is an intangible quality. long story short, after I moved into this doctor’s office (NOT FULLY, I might add — I kept my other office “just in case”), I noticed odd behavior. I suspected drugs, alcoholic behavior, escorts and odd business practices. prior to my full-blown suspicions, he convinced me to begin a “startup” business with him and had me running around like a squirrel. after all, I believed I “owed” it to him for letting me take occasional sessions at his office. he also had me running around to get the two rooms in the office rented out (which I later learned, he NEVER paid rent on! he would later be evicted) and collect first, last and security from people. thankfully no one bit. and I couldn’t figure out why, but the Universe was saving both me and the prospective tenants from heartache. with the start-up business – which, by the way is the biggest red flag of a con – I felt that he had no intent to actually execute it, and no plan in place. all he was going to do was collect money and hit the road, with some VERY clever excuses as to how/why. I felt confused on a daily basis, and I could never get a CLEAR answer as to what the business actually was or how it would really work. my questions made him ANGRY. he attempted to further divert and distract me, just to keep me around for a little bit longer…even a few more minutes would have satisfied his sickness. one day, something “just clicked” – it was about six weeks into knowing him. I realized that my only way out of this was to just leave and never contact him again. VERY important to note is that many cons are psychic. whether they know it or not. in line with that was this doctor’s immediate sense of my abandoning him, and he began contacting me endlessly. when I went to the authorities, I found out that he had a rap sheet as long as Santa’s Christmas list. he had been arrested for a group insurance scam, his license had been suspended earlier in his career for writing himself prescriptions, and the authorities made it very clear to contact them if I were ever to hear from him again. I never looked back, but I did gain a valuable lesson. part of me also felt that he really cared about me as a person – this could be wishful thinking, of course, but I believe that I might have been the only person to ever show him unconditional love in his life. but he was just too screwed up. thankfully, there was no romantic attraction or connection with him, which would have otherwise potentially gravely affected me.

it is VERY important to note that a con will stop at NOTHING to continue their cons. cons are sick humans. they may go to jail 100 times and STILL keep going with their stories. a con does not have the ability to live in reality. that said, their “perseverance” toward a goal may seem very alluring and valid. this is why it is so important to STOP trying to figure them out in their entirety – this is how they suck people in, because they will never, ever make logical sense to a rational person, and many rational people stick around trying to “fully understand” them. that won’t ever happen. a con would rather die than be exposed for who they truly are. this ruthless quality is what makes a con different from a more simple, moderately manipulative individual.

another common quality associated with con artists is their dysfunctional dating/sex life. since they can NOT connect intimately or emotionally, they will choose unavailable situations at all times. they will choose “long-distance” relationships (during which they are free to binge on hookers and online affairs of all varieties), or engage with women who sell sex for a living. they are often addicted to sex, as well, as it produces the same high that conning people does. again, because they are unable to connect emotionally, their closest bet to a feeling of true connection is achieved through very unhealthy/toxic means.

the way a con artist “succeeds” — which is always temporary, by the way — in their cons, is by gathering several or more people who have upstanding reputations and playing them off against one another. if I, for example, see that con man Joe has a “strong” relationship with someone I admire or look up to, I am far more likely to engage in business or friendship with this person. cons USE big names and associations with others to plan and execute their acts. this is how people get sucked in. every. single. time. in my prior example, I was sucked in by his medical degree and seemingly harmless offer. in other cases, I have been temporarily sucked in by the wonderful people who a con has been able to surround himself with. this is the meat and potatoes of any con.

I could go for miles and miles about my experiences with these people, and my experience in treating those who have BEEN the victims of a con! just when I think I have heard it all, I encounter another person who I think there is no WAY that such and such could have happened to them. the biggest derailment for someone who is being conned is their own ego and embarrassment over the situation. I can speak from experience. but thankfully, my experience has taught me that even if I end up in that position again, which I have more than once, I will know quicker and better how to extract myself – and how to be an example for others! if you are the victim of a con, or at the center of a con, know that in your parting ways with the situation that others will eventually follow your lead. they may be working through their own inner belief systems which make it difficult to believe you, and rest assured that this is a skilled scam running. do not take it personally when it happens to you, or if you are the only person who can see the light of day around a con or a scam. earlier today I had a one hour conversation with an expert on con artistry, and each time I learn about this sad, vacant “craft”, I am more intrigued and amazed by it. which is exactly what a con artist wants — so long as they are able to pull off their scam.

there are three places a con artist/sociopath ends up: in jail, homeless, or in a mental institution.

the most difficult part of my encounters with cons has been my endless heartfelt compassion and care toward them. even after they reveal or expose themselves. I know they are sick or missing something, and instinctively I want to fix it. I want to show them love. and I want to show them that they are lovable. because everyone is lovable and deserves love, no matter their transgressions. I want so badly for them to know that it doesn’t have to be this way, that they are worth more than their drive to lie and scam. I want them to know that they DO have gifts, if only they would accept themselves and use those gifts for good. and I am also able to connect to any of their positive qualities in a way that they can not even see within themselves. I felt a bond with each of these people in the beginning. my heart has been broken in each instance, most of all because of the extreme lack of love or compassion they have for themselves – and their misused potential. they insist on being broken, and I can not fix it/them.

I am both grateful for and really feel for the cons who have crossed my path. it is not only my open heart etc that has drawn them in, but really the fact that I could be unconditional with them before their behavior and evidence of such broke ties. if only they could have used their “skills” for good! but then that would make them an innovative leader, and not the con that they are. thankfully I have never lost large sums of money, it has never gotten to the point where I have been involved in their business in a way that can hurt me or others, and I have never been romantically involved with a con (I am certain that is a lesson I will never have to learn). in each case I have experienced, a con has failed utterly in assessing me. ultimately, no matter how long it takes, a con will be revealed to anyone he is involved with. truth always floats.

 

 

Share:

what does manipulation look like, and how can you handle it?


photo by Pia Venegas at The Island House, Nassau

what does manipulation look like, and how can you handle it?

manipulation looks like, in one word,: confusion.

the degrees may range from mild to severe (sociopathic) manipulation.

in more words: confusing. mixed messages. inconsistency. gaslighting. bait and switch. back and forth commitment. charisma masking ulterior motive. empty promises.

it feels like anger that arises within you, with seemingly no origin. you question that anger (NEVER question internal anger whether subtle or acute – it is a compass).

it smells like a scentless gas that gives you a lack of clarity on even the most basic of matters.

it looks like a lock and key that don’t work together, though you are told to keep trying to open the door anyhow.

we have all experienced this on some level. some people live their life behind the eyes/ears/mouth of a manipulative lie, to the point where they nearly do not know that they are operating this way on a daily basis. they carefully choose friends, colleagues, partners, acquaintances and so forth, and even more carefully choose how/what information they share with each person.

**I would also like to make this clear: I am not judging the soul of the manipulator. I do not see them as better or worse than myself or anyone else. what is being assessed, however, are the actions and situation at hand. this is different than the person. I have met serious criminals and, even though I am not in contact with them, I feel love toward them. I have been in friendships with highly manipulative people, and even though I have not continued the friendship I feel love for them. this is probably how I ended up meeting and communicating with them in the first place 🙂 I even miss the very good and loving parts of these people. sometimes I feel heartbreak, remembering only the good (before the really unhealthy aspects jump back to mind to keep me in balance). no one is all good or all bad – what we are dealing with is a scale, and whether that scale is healthy for us or not. recognizing the beauty of the soul, even in the midst of horrendous behavior or actions, is a blessing and a curse. a blessing because the infinite nature of a human can be appreciated. a curse because that can sometimes be confused with the actual behavior of that human. but I want to remain clear in reiterating my compassion for ALL humans, ALL situations described not just in this blog but in all of my blogs. I would not be able to do what I do without this compassion. I have been able to forgive the unforgivable in my lifetime. that said, responding in a human fashion and releasing attachment and emotion is crucial to moving forward! even if it doesn’t look or feel compassionate at the time**

the greatest cons of all time were master manipulators. some of them, on some level, did not know that they were actually being manipulative – in my opinion, this is the most dangerous specie of manipulation of all. because when a person is missing a piece of the puzzle, it is often called conscience. when this part of themselves is absent, they can actually live “in alignment” with their thoughts/feelings/words/actions – in other words, they believe all of it with little or no hesitation. when sociopaths pass lie detectors, it is because they have mastered the art of manipulation – they do not believe that they are being deceitful. there are others who know that they are being deceitful, and the manipulator will typically lose before they get too far along in sucking other people into their tornado. one might say they are less well off than the sociopath, and it is all for good.

manipulation is typically experienced like this: someone (the manipulator) asks you to do something for them. you are on the fence. they help you over that fence by getting you to agree to an inch. after you agree to the inch and make your way over that fence, they ask you to do something else for them. you are on the second fence. they help you over that fence by getting you to agree to a meter. after you make it over the second fence, you are nearly halfway to their desired destination point. they repeat, slowly or quickly, depending on what the circumstances will allow. before you know it, you are in over your head and don’t know how you got there.

some of our greatest lessons come out of being pulled over several fences — but in order to benefit from those lessons and master them, we must know what to do once we are in over our head. many people are too afraid to up and leave – this might be a relationship with a significant other with whom you feel you have invested too much time in and it’s worth staying; it might be a boss who has pressured you to exceed sales goals and you are afraid to retract for financial reasons; it might be a family member who sucks you into caring for them or someone else when it is not your responsibility… and so on.

so what can we do once we are in over our head? in my experience, both professionally and personally, there is one thing: leave. just leave. fixing, explaining, reasoning or arguing will only further suck the life out of you. you are not a tree – you can leave. you can begin a new job, or a new relationship. blood is not handcuffs. agreement born out of guilt is not a blood pact. most important in the “just leave” notion: BE WILLING TO BE WRONG. be willing to be the fool, the only one, the jerk, etc. because I can guarantee you that if you end up being wrong, then you still lose nothing, if the situation was indeed actually healthy.

in order to “just leave”, we must look at the belief systems that held us there in the first place for longer than the moment we realized we were caught in a manipulative trap. first, do not judge yourself for being manipulated. I can’t tell you how many brilliant people I see who are psychologists, attorneys and so on, who have been manipulated – some for many years. life’s lessons are abundant in nature, and all curses are actually blessings in disguise. that I can promise you. so what belief systems might hold us there in the first place? we might be afraid to be “wrong”. we might be afraid to admit “defeat”. we might be afraid to “lose” – in a financial sense. we might be afraid to look stupid or have many other people dislike us or gossip about us. we might be afraid that our intuition is off (IT NEVER IS). all of the above reasons for staying in a manipulative situation can be addressed relating back to early life events. I notice that people I see who have worked through many issues within their emotional core, have a much easier time than those who are still clinging to ego and not faced the demons of their past. I notice that people who want to be liked, want to be recognized and want to be “important” have a hard time leaving manipulative situations. whatever your reason is, spend some time going back in time and writing down examples that mirror your current situation. EVERYONE has an example – no matter their background.

after you have done this, be willing to break the “pattern” associated with your desire to stay in the manipulative situation out of fear. then, once you are out, piece the “clues” together like a murder mystery — reflect on how exactly it was that you were able to be sucked in, in the first place. when I have been in these situations, it is because I wanted to be special. I wanted to be acknowledged for being important, contributing to something “bigger” than me, and so I was willing to believe in the lie of the relative relationship or circumstance that I was in. essentially, I was fighting my own ego. and the manipulator was fueling my ego with their own egoic desire to control as well as produce a certain tangible outcome.

the nuances of a manipulative person and situation are, in my experience and witness, best described by the human senses. using the logical brain in a situation like this just won’t do. using rationale will keep you there longer. connecting deeply to your senses will put you in touch with the actual situation. and even if you get sucked in, you are strengthening your own experience and awareness to come out of it with a great lesson – that lesson will always translate to power for your next phase in life. the senses include the obvious; seeing and hearing, as well as the less obvious – sensing with no ability to “see” or “hear”, but rather the gut feeling that someone is consuming more than they should be from you – the feeling that somehow, in some way, you are not honoring yourself or being honored (but there might appear to be little tangible evidence, at least at that time, to support that feeling). the seeing, for me, has often been in the other person’s eyes. a fixed stare, the lack of ability to emote or convey emotion through the eyes and body languages, the seemingly “scanning” of me that a person will do to analyze me (this is my favorite, because I don’t hide anything – so my raw nature often translates as vulnerable when in reality this vulnerability is indeed my power). the hearing, for me, has often been a skillion mixed messages. a manipulator will ALWAYS want to know what you are thinking. “what are you thinking?” asked over and over in one meeting is common in this dynamic. also, simple, every day experiences will “change” from one moment to the next to the next with almost no care or concern on the part of the manipulator — the story/experience will change so many times, that you will not be able to remember where you started. this is also sometimes experienced as gaslighting. sensing, for me, has felt like a low-grade obligation to “assist” or “be there” for this person, even though my core is telling me otherwise.

I want to make it clear that we don’t need to come from broken/unstable/unloving homes to experience this. of course I find that there is always a nuance that dates back to someone’s early life when they are caught in a manipulative trap, but we are all accessible by this dynamic. it is also important to note that the gold we are able to dig from these experiences is priceless. there has not been ONE single moment of struggle or disappointment in my life that I did not ultimately benefit from. even when my heart was broken over the matter. I have been through this with bosses, relatives, friends, colleagues and so forth. maybe more than the average person for the simple fact that my calling is to share my experiences so that others may benefit. but the most important thing for me to express is that I only get stronger. and when I emerge from a situation that has “taken” from me in some way, there are buckets of gold in the form of serenity, partnership, love, and “luck”.

my bottom line for manipulation is that you will always sense it happening, but the scent can be so subtle, like a faint gas. the trick is to not give up once you are high on the fumes, but rather to handle it by extracting yourself without concern for the personal emotional consequences. be willing to die, emotionally, over the extraction. all perceived consequences are contrived from the ego — which has an old message for you to heal.

Share:

if you try to take more than you give, you will always lose.

an oldie but a goodie.

if you try to take more than you give, you will always lose.

photo by Jennifer Santaniello

lack mentality is a dis-eased state of being. and so many people live in it. many of us think that if we can inch our way to that better deal, that 5% discount, that bigger sandwich or that free drink, that we are winning. I see this mindset amongst one group of people in particular: those who feel they have nothing to give from their heart. it’s origin stems, actually, from a less greedy place than we would realize if we were to look into the soul of the person who consistently tries to “take”.

I’ve seen it in my friendships, and I’ve seen it in my practice (RARELY, I might add, considering the folks I attract are usually empathic givers themselves, looking to heal from a world that they feel/experience is attempting to suck them dry in many ways – but when I have seen it in my practice, the person truly must re-do their soul or otherwise forever try to feed their bottomless pit, which will NEVER work). I once had a friend who literally got her breath from getting discounts, free drinks, refunds at places of hospitality and so forth. it didn’t click for me, in the early days of our friendship, as to the spore of her behavior. after all, she was beautiful by society’s standards, successful by society’s standards, intelligent and so forth. she made plenty of money. at the time, I saw it as being well-adjusted with very positive boundaries (since mine were not as strong). later on, I began to see that she was really just a shell of a person, getting off on seeing others have less so that she could (in her mind) have “more”. the problem was, she was creating for herself (and in the universe) a real issue of energetic and karmic imbalance. I never saw her “give back”. her idea of giving back was, and probably still is, giving somebody something that she got for free (such as work-expensing a dinner, etc). beyond the financial quotient, though, was also the idea of being giving of time. if it didn’t work for her, or she was not gaining something, she would never reciprocate. what I saw happen to her over time was a complete depletion in her auric field. she felt as though she was “winning”, and it probably fed her competitive ego to a strong degree. but the place that it came from was very unhealthy; she felt lack, and instead of identifying what that place of lack was, she attempted and did fill it with other people’s goodwill and energy – which then went into a black hole at the end of the day anyway. because she didn’t know about the law of reciprocity, she was under the human illusion that the more you take the more you have and get to keep (no matter the cost or expense to others). she also took from people emotionally – she had no concern or honor regarding intimate relationships, either for her partner or the partners of others. this low dimensional vampiric behavior appeared, on the surface, to be filling her up – but I saw it slowly killing and aging her.

what happens when we are out of balance like this, is that we actually deplete our own sacral and life force energy because we have nothing to figure 8 balance our actions with. then, we need more and more and more…look at some of our planet’s billionaires (not the philanthropic ones). or politicians. it doesn’t have to be about tangible monetary energy, or anything tangible – taking exists equally in the ethereal realms. look at the faces and auric fields of these taker folks. tell me if they appear to you to be grey, tattered, run down, etc. then, look at the faces and auric fields of some of the greatest givers you know (and the ones you don’t know, but know of, i.e. Richard Branson? there are many billionaires who are wealthy simply because to GIVE is to breathe) – and tell me if they appear to you to be youthful behind their wrinkles, happy, at peace, etc.

many folks are great at convincing themselves that they are either giving, or giving back. I’ve been fooled by these folks, even after learning so much about human behavior and energy. but the truth can never stay hidden for long. but let’s go back to the part that they are able to convince themselves or others that they are big givers and really “care” about people. what are the on paper facts whilst they are doing all of this giving? normally the on paper facts that give someone like this away are: INCONSISTENCIES. if they are being “financially generous” (which is rare for this breed, by the way, because this type of giving truly feels like a threat of death for them), then they are making up for it heavily in other ways – such as draining you for time, or confusing you in some way that mandates you “leak” energy in their direction. any time we are LEAKING energy, we can be sure that the other party is close by, ethereally or otherwise, lapping it up like a dog on a hot day. because a taker is completely in capable of genuinely giving, you will find loopholes in their facades. they might monopolize you for your time, they might find one hundred reasons to contact you with random questions or meaningless correspondence, or they might latch on to your friends/acquaintances. if they don’t engage in obvious behaviors, they are engaging in passive aggressive behaviors — because rest assured that a taker is physically, mentally and emotionally incapable of actually giving. so beware…

how, besides some of the above information, do we actually spot a taker? through my work, I find that takers have a few things in common. 1) they are very competitive. they HAVE to be the best, have the best, or live the most luxurious/unique life to make up for the fact that someone else might actually “one up” them (in their mind) in one department or another. now this is similar to narcissism, it has tiny threads of it, but it is different in its entirety. 2) they are cheap tippers. they skim in areas where it would take so little to give back to a person in a way that would make a bigger difference for the person being given back to than it would for them to extend the giving. giving 20% on a check is the ultimate ceiling for them. 3) they have major authority issues. since they were so restricted, in some way, as children, they spend the rest of their adulthood “rebelling” by controlling their circumstances with others by perceivably “getting more than their share”. this naturally bleeds into feeling in control, in power. 4) they are charming (again a lot like a narcissist, but definitely not the same thing). this assists them in their taker behavior. 5) when push comes to shove, they have zero loyalty. not to themselves and certainly not to others. their entire early life was often spent feeling like it was feast or famine, and this type of adrenal survival continues into adulthood. I have seen takers literally throw their best friends under the bus for personal gain, either in reputation or in opportunities for financial gain (even a few dollars). 6) they are tit for tat, but not in an equal fashion. they keep track of everything they ever did for you. 7) they can easily rationalize, to a terrifying degree at times, their poor behavior. they are experts at explaining why they have screwed someone over, almost like a sociopath would explain why they killed someone because that person deserved to die. their skill at which they can explain away unfair and unjust behavior is just bewildering. 8) they lie way more than the average person. they “have” to, in order to take/get what they want; because being honest would require them to be in balance. and actual balance, to them, feels unfair/unbalanced/not enough to them. the former friend I describe in this blog lied all of the time – at her job, with her significant others and probably with me.. without even batting an eye. 8a) an extension of 8), they have hidden agenda. if you look behind their actions and words, you will find an ulterior motive nearly 100% of the time. 9) they attract givers, but they are attracted TO takers – they will often “fall in love” with people even more selfish than they are at various points in their lives. this is the unfortunate but necessary mirror they are being given by the Universe to point something out – something they often can not face. when they do meet and “fall in love” with a giver, they are bored and take the giver for granted until/unless they do some deep-seated work to heal the part of themselves that is rooted in lack and fear. or, they will stay with a giver so long as they can lie/cheat/steal and manipulate. they are often obsessed with people who have treated them like shit, unlike a giver who (UNLESS they are dealing with old paradigms of abuse of a parent who mirrors their partners behavior) is more likely to recognize the forest for the trees, see that this is not a true reflection of their core, and move on.

I had a very selfish friend, a taker if you will, who only fell in love with narcissistic takers. the people this person “fell in love” with were even more absurd and outlandish than they were! it was mind-boggling to me, at the time, when I could not fully recognize their root cause and actuality as a taker (for more info on this, refer to my blog centered around “we can’t get rid of a person until we get rid of the belief”) as to why a “nice” person like my friend would attract such horrible and selfish behavior. what I later of course realized, as the truth of my former friend was fully revealed, was that this person’s core was only being amplified. this person refused therapy and really needed it to get to the dark origin of their own self-perceived lacking, taking core.

it is important to realize that takers live in fear. they come from fear. fear is lack. love is abundance. the two notions are polar opposites.

let’s go back to the issue with taking, ignoring the moral perspective for the sake of this blog post focus. when we are giving fully, we are reflecting back at the Universe our own perspective of self-love. we are reflecting to the world the place from which we come. when we are taking fully (please note that *RECEIVING is completely different from *TAKING), without balance, we are doing the same – we are magnifying and highlighting the fact that we are “without”. even though this may generate short-term “security” in the emotional or material realms, or the illusion of such, we are screwing ourselves because of the message we are sending. we might suffer spiritually, emotionally, and physically due to the lack of balance. the same might be said for giving, as well, if we do not balance ourselves properly. both behaviors in extremes are not good. however it is much easier to recover from over-giving versus over-taking, because of the clear message it sends off vibrationally and is projected back at us.

I have a personal habit of giving too much. I know it, I do it anyway, and I work harder each day at monitoring my own balance. yes, many times I give without receiving, but at this point in my life’s journey that is a risk I am wiling to take. because I am so in tune with my own biorhythms, even if I “over-give” and begin to deplete myself, something will always happen to alert me as to how to balance such. it is very different than giving from a place of lack — where we are attempting to fill ourselves up with being liked by others, etc. giving can never come from a void place. but, it can create a void, so we have to be careful to be in balance. when I give, it feels like my heart chakra is exploding. simultaneously, SO many blessings show up for me; with friendships/peace of mind/happiness and “lucky” breaks. it feels wonderful, and I give from a place of knowing I am infinite in my ability to do so. however – if I am giving to a black hole, or a person or situation that is either incapable or refusing to balance me with a proper physics figure 8 of energy, I can spot it. I will know if and when to completely remove myself from that person or situation because much of a taker energy is, as I described above, completely organic in nature. organics can not be remedied or fixed, they can only be modified — for a time. then, there is ZERO sustainability in temporary modification. unless the taker makes a DRASTIC decision to reform themselves, and this includes repeated, intelligent, and effective psychotherapy.

what can we do if we have attracted a taker and recognize their behavior (I want to reiterate that we are not judging their soul, but rather discerning their behavior)? the best thing to do is completely step away. send them love from the heart but not in a way that engages in more communication. if we are important to them, they will hit a breaking point either then or down the road and have a “come-to-Jesus” moment where they are forced to face themselves and the change necessary for their own healing and reform. then, and maybe only then, will we see the black hole we invested in close on that particular person or matter, serving a purpose we did not initially expect. but we can not fix a taker – that would be giving, once again, on top of anything previous. talk about draining.

what can we do if we are a taker? we can make a deep soul decision around our ego — which has been poorly trained for a host of reasons — to do some serious self-analysis. this doesn’t happen overnight, it is a death and subsequent rebirth of self. excellent clinical psych work can be helpful, but of course the right therapist is crucial; I treat a number of therapists and doctors who have bypassed much of their own ego by focusing on patients. it doesn’t work that way. there is no bypassing. if we really want to change, usually it will happen after a major loss of some sort. change is possible if we actually want it.

the bottom line for me regarding givers and takers is that each archetype and behavior is mirrored back and amplified in terms of the origin of that behavior. all shit floats, so even if we fall off balance at one point in the process (for “better” or for worse), we will be left where we started (either in abundance, or in lack). once we see the shit floating — in giver or taker territory — the intention behind each is what we are then left with, once again, as it resides in our core. and intention is our roadmap.

if you try to take more than you give, you will always lose.

Share: