abuse and thieves of innocence, and the families who hide it to save face (and reference to the Hastert disgrace)
it is disturbing that oh so often, several things accompany BURYING abuse: [this abuse (not a mistake, it is a repeated over and over and over offence) can be verbal, physical, emotional (gaslighting and manipulation) or sexual] #money, #religion, and #politics.
in this blog I would like to focus on abuse that occurs in a certain socioeconomic background, namely the 1% – the REASON for this focus, is drawing attention to the ripple effect it has on our entire country and society, in terms of how it serves as an example for veiling BROADER abuse that exists on a massive social plane. since the 1% obviously control that. when we are dealing with “abuse by the 1%”, it is executed and handled much of the way our politics and once-coveted religious institutions have been handled: with scary, threatening, deafening white gloves, that MASK and fool the public. in many of the cases I have handled through my work, this reality has been prevalent. abuse at the hands of the wealthy or privileged is surely an interesting phenomenon, and the family members associated with said abuser will stop at NOTHING to appear perfect. what astonishes me is the lengths at which these bystanders, who are only concerned about their family’s “reputation”, will go to in order to bury the victim.
the above theme of burying the victim to save the face of the family is prevalent across the board, in almost all instances of abuse. it is primal in nature, and goes back to the tribal instinct that insists on sacrificing one for the safety and honor of the tribe. it doesn’t matter to them whether they know the victim is in fact a victim. when I read the statement given by Hastert’s wife and son to the judge on the case, I nearly vomited. because this notion is all too familiar to me. it never ceases to amaze me as to the weakness inherent in human beings. these people, relatives of Hastert, could care less about the reality or the victim(s). their selfish plea to protect their family is almost unfathomable to me, but I encounter it oh so often.
one important thing to know and understand, if you have been the victim of abuse at the hands of your own family or anyone else, is the fact that anyone who failed to speak up on your behalf while it was occurring will most certainly go out of their way to throw you under the bus now (and you must be ok with that — likely if you are coming forward now, you are already ok with that). not because you are bad, and not even because they dislike you; but because they are weak and inherently selfish. fear is akin to all weakness and cruelty, while love is the opposite. it is extremely rare for one member of the tribe of the abuser to not only step up on behalf of a victim, but to actively admit the wrongdoing of such abuse. there is a chemical in the brain, supporting the adrenaline in the body committed to the safety and preservation of the tribe, that prohibits them from even admitting it psychologically.
I have treated some of the worst cases one would ever imagine hearing about. I won’t even repeat them on this blog, out of respect for the individuals who suffered. and without fail, the most incredible part of their abuse – beyond the act itself – is the weakness and cowardice of the family members of the abuser. I have yet to hear otherwise. and trust me, they all knew what was going on, whether they pretend/ed otherwise or not. this is the part where I wonder how they sleep at night. therein lies their own karmic consequence(s).
if you have not been the victim of abuse, it is important to note the following: fear, shame, blame and guilt are the DRIVING elements of fuel that ensures a victim does not come forward. when a person comes forward MANY years after the incident(s), it is because their ego had trained their unconscious and often conscious mind to stay alive by staying silent. this can not be understood in a logical fashion, because the activity of such training exists in the deep, intangible realms of the person’s body and psyche. when a person is abused, there is a chemical that goes off in the BODY. obviously it is connected to the brain, because the brain is processing the abuse. in the body, there is a fight or flight response. this is the adrenaline that courses through, identifying the abuse as a near death threat. in natural settings, adrenaline of such variety is in place to warn us about a bear that might attack us or a fire that might kill us. but when we are dealing with abuse that is more cognitive/conscious in nature, and not strictly physical (abuse, particularly sexual or physical abuse, is never strictly physical), the body and mind battle it out to register the meaning behind it. after the abuse is “over”, whether it takes place one or many times, the mind short circuits and can not rationalize the event — because there is no rationale to begin with. the body then registers the abuse as something chosen, or self-imposed, and on top of that the abuser will use equally resonant tools of blame/shame/guilt often via manipulation. all of the above will create an adrenaline response to even discussing the abuse after it occurs. now, some folks do discuss it and work through it right away. but that is rare. and as a child (in particular as a child) when this happens, the mind is not fully developed and there is a disconnect between the mind and body which forces quit on their entire computer of self.
years later when a person is either forced to confront their abuse or decides to confront it because the burden of the memory (mentally, emotionally physically and so on) is just too big, they will most certainly contend with the adrenaline that indicates certain and present danger! this is why so many people, as adults, do not come forward with their past experience of abuse. the adrenaline is serving its purpose, no doubt, but the mind and body do not understand that this memory is not in REAL TIME. the mind will then come up with many logical reasons to dismiss discussing the abuse. if the abuse is discussed, the very TOOLS that fueled the coverup of such (shame/blame/guilt) will surface and overtake the person’s mind and body. unless they have access to a REALLY good therapist, or they are REALLY self introspective, they may never release this beast of burden from their physical and energetic fields. like any ptsd accompaniment, adrenaline is almost a ploy of the mind and subconscious to keep a person quiet and keep the memory or memories locked away. the body does not understand that bringing up those memory or memories does not indicate immediate threat or danger, and that it will not actually physically die or regress.
abusers are often victims themselves, but some just came out of the box incredibly wonky. there is light and there is dark, and everything in between. every person and case has its own set of particulars. I do have great compassioin for all persons who have suffered or are suffering, and therefore create suffering. but it doesn’t mean that I tolerate the continuation of such. abuse in and of itself is a thief of innocence. many like Hastert are THIEVES of innocence. just as if one would rob a bank, those like Hastert and even those of a lesser or differnt variety of abuse administration are thieves and shall be held accountable. perpetuating and validating their theft are the wives, relatives and individuals (ALWAYS those who stand to benefit, either emotionally or financially!!!) around them. it is a disgusting act, and it makes those who benefit in some way then guilty for their part as well. one thing I see nearly all of the time in cases of abuse is religion. “the family were devout churchgoers, active in their community”. it is really a interesting thing how this religious component seems to “creep” into the life of the families that coverup their abuser’s actions. this is never a coincidence. and when money is involved, often those around the abuser who stand to benefit make their deal with the devil and convince themselves that nothing untoward has happened.
the problem with all of this on the broader, societal scale, is that when one tribe of people covers up abuse, it almost gives permission to the next tribe. and the next. and the next. particularly in the 1% sector — which controls, as we know, many things. and it just so happens that obviously money can be a tool of manipulation and silence. when a precedent like this is set, it is available to take place on a very large scale. this is where ethics and goodness deflate and evaporate and a “new normal” becomes acceptable in places of high authority and decision-making.
everything has a ripple effect, so if we are able to put a stop to even just one family or group of people who either cover up abuse or attempt to, we are chipping away at the infrastructure that envelops our political and financial and religious institutions. somehow the three elements are always linked, and it didn’t start out as the master roadmap – it evolved that way out of human weakness and cowardice. one small step in the right direction on behalf of even just one person makes a ripple that will ultimately begin shifting the paradigm of abuse and thieves of innocence – on both an individual and collective level.