“the more you hide something, the brighter it shines”
WORD UP. it is physics. yes – physics. don’t believe it? watch…wait…listen – more and more it will speak and breathe right through our current state of affairs as it pertains to society, politics, and so forth, at large…to start. then look at your own life. or, perhaps, even better, look at your own life first. we are rapidly moving out of the 3rd dimension.
for more on this, see some of my eBooklet collection available on both amazon and e-junkie:
first of all: crazy people do not stop to ask themselves or others if they are “crazy”.
since I was small, I looked left and right for my “diagnosis”; in my teens and twenties I looked wildly at myself with introspection, and that is a large part of the reason that I began a psych degree (and subsequently dropped it, as I found the confines and restrictions of medicine rather limiting – current MD friends of mine can not even discuss the unseen/intangible realms of life with many of their colleagues, and 10 years ago doing so could sometimes get one kicked out of their prestigious medical school). when it was repeatedly suggested to me that it was perhaps my surroundings and relationships that made me feel I was “crazy”, I began, (very) slowly, to stop asking myself that question any longer.
many of us, at some point, will stop and ask ourselves, “am I crazy?”. but, an actual crazy person will never, ever do that. a person with such ego dysfunction does not have the ability to be introspective, to legitimately empathize (with others), to apologize (sincerely), or to self-analyze. a crazy person will never seek therapy, or if they do, it will be only to satisfy a superficial need or demand for external appearances. the rest of us may ask this question actually when we are either A) surrounded by dysfunction or B) when we are no longer surrounded by dysfunction and we are therefore in unfamiliar territory.
I see a great therapist. she is an older woman, and by older, I mean she is in the winter of her life. she is classy, buttoned up, and I suspect she has seen a lot of VERY interesting people (some well-known, some refugee, and everything in between). on occasion she has made reference to notorious song lyrics, sung possibly by former patients of hers, and song lyrics that certainly speak to her whale-like presence of experience in a small sea. she does not use the word “crazy” lightly, and when she uses it, I laugh, because I know it’s unlike her generally politically correct (or what I would assume that to be) demeanor. one week, I was swimming in an ocean of “you must be kidding me!!” – it seemed that every person I had engaged with was living in an alternate universe, and I realized quickly that it is what I describe to my patients as an “echo” – aka “the past leaving”. when we break an old pattern, an old program, or an old false identity handed to us early on in life, we ultimately SEE THAT LEAVE through the most random people and circumstances; but we do, most definitely, see it leave. I felt, that week in particular, as though I must be having some kind of weird regression – or that I was possibly “crazy” (a feeling I had many times in my much younger years, and into my 20s). so I asked her, with a laugh and about 5% seriousness that day, “am I crazy!?”. repeating what I already know, she laughed and reminded me: crazy people do not ever ask themselves that question. at least not truly – again, they may do so only to appease others.
I use the word “crazy” here in and out of quotations to distinguish between two realms of thought/meaning regarding the word, because I am very empathetic and sensitive to those who have actually been diagnosed with a mental health matter, sometimes aka “crazy”. I know many people who have been diagnosed, and I would NEVER consider them “crazy”. because actual crazy (not in quotations), as I relate to it, is along the lines of narcissism (either covert or overt – the two forms are very different yet similar in effect) and sociopathy, which are PERSONALITY DISORDERS. these states, in my experience not only in life but also in seeing over 1,000 VERY DIFFERENT people through my practice, are more so CHOSEN and surprisingly conscious or very-near-conscious states. one might consider that yes, mental health disorders such as borderline personality disorder, bipolar or schizophrenia may be linked to a personality disorder, but the two states are very different I believe. and again, though I have never personally (as much as I tried in my early years, lol!) received any mental health diagnosis, I can certainly relate to how painful and frustrating that must be. so, I could never, ever label that as actual crazy.
what I WILL label as crazy is the same definition as insanity, in a sense: crazy, as I see it, are those who consciously and willfully control and manipulate their own state (as well as those of others). crazy will literally, without fail, run the same script an infinite number of times and expect it to work. crazy will never, ever go deep within the soul – there is too much hidden, there is too much to sort through, and to do so would mean (to the crazy person) self-annihilation. actual crazy is avoidance of truth, and the unwillingness to go deep within oneself. crazy will be the martyr (in all situations that they have poked, prodded and set up to look like such), crazy will be the mastermind (all energy is spent manipulating and deflecting) and crazy will need infinite supply from people who are in some way willing to be manipulated (i.e. can not think for themselves, are victims of abuse, etc).
the next time you ask yourself “am I crazy?”, remember this post. also, remember that a LOT of people lie to themselves (and therefore others), and just haven’t been ready to ask themselves the golden question that will require them to go in for a much-needed (and sometimes imminent – BELIEVE ME, the universe has its own plans for those of us who continuously lie to ourselves!) soul cleanse. and, finally, remember that our own personal “crazy” will depend upon one thing and one thing only: and that is bare bones alignment — thoughts must = feelings must = words must = actions.
yesterday I received an insight that I had been waiting 14 years to receive, and I had actually forgotten that I was waiting to receive it…
those of us who are/have the ability to be introspective are aware of the fact that nothing happens randomly. however, we are also aware of the fact that it may take us years or decades or beyond to understand the meaning of certain events or experiences. the more introspective we can be (this requires courage – as it is the opposite of viewing the world from the outside in – and it requires much ego death), the more and more peace we have, and the more we move away from that which seeks to destroy our peace with the hope to take some of it.
as we move down the line of introspection and achieve bouts of true inner peace and inner knowing, we begin to see all kinds of events and experiences for what they were/are – not what we want/ed them to be. we may also begin to see certain labyrinths from above instead of from within. yesterday I received an answer to a situation that I wondered about for years – and it was a shocking revelation. it brought me a tremendous amount of peace and healing, and within that, a slight bout of anxiety. the anxiety was not present tense, however – it was part of the past leaving.
my insight and subsequent release of wonder was centered around a particular relationship – it was a past romantic partnership that was incredibly painful and confusing for me. as we know, partnerships reflect what needs to heal within us and also what we have been programmed with. I had reflected, at times, on this particular partnership over the last decade, with general peace, but also still slight wonder. the answer to my wonder came at the most random and unexpected time – as I was reading a random medical journal article. I am still surprised at this very moment because of how incredibly complete a particular life cycle now feels to me. we have skillions of life cycles, by the way, pertaining to many different things, and they can have various duration.
the point of this post is to remind everyone that dots connect when they are supposed to – when we do the internal work (which so few people want to do or are willing to do), we DO indeed reach the top of said metaphoric mountain pertaining to a particular life cycle. trust that insights — some pertaining to things we didn’t even think we needed insight on anymore! — will always show up. divine time and peace are real.
a person without boundaries will never be comfortable with a boundary being drawn. a person without boundaries will also not be aware of the fact that they have no boundaries.
many of the people I work with have had their boundaries crossed so many times by those who have none. people who have their boundaries crossed or ignored often have a hard time saying no, ending a relationship (of any kind), and drawing the line of balanced give-and-take in all communications in their life. a difficult time with executing healthy boundaries arises for many reasons which I will not address here. what I will address here is the point that establishing and enforcing boundaries is NOT mean.
the perceived offense of drawing a healthy, necessary and even mandatory boundary is apparent only from the perspective of someone who wants, needs and will take more than they can give. because a figure 8 energy is pertinent to ANY balanced communication or transaction, this law of reciprocity will affect both parties who are in any sort of exchange. in the case of a person with no boundaries, the “threat” of such (boundary) will feel exactly that way – like a threat. though the perception of a threat in this case is simply a perception (and a skewed one, at that), it will be interpreted as an attack or an offense by the person perceiving such. in the land of the intangible, which can often present as a grey area in a particular exchange between two people (such as one person gaslighting, baiting or manipulating another person because they can not “get” or have things their way), someone without boundaries who is in “need” of something can be effective at making a person who either has or has desired boundaries feel “bad” for such; this is an example of where one, because they can’t define “it”, potentially feels as if what THEY need (or DON’T) is “mean”. this is the trap that often ensues between a person with (desired) boundaries and person who has none.
if you are dealing with someone who needs something from you (also refer to my eBooklet 3 – it talks about how people will bait you because what they really want is something INTANGIBLE) beyond what you can define in black and white terms, chances are they will encroach upon your natural boundaries in any way possible. because you may have a hard time defining where and how the line will be drawn, and you will feel their NEED so deeply, you may unnecessarily second-guess yourself and your natural need to state or place a boundary or a simple “no”. this can also be as simple as not wanting to engage with a particular person because everything about them crosses boundaries with you – this is not MEAN; the act of being poked at, prodded at or being expected of for no reason could legitimately be perceived as “mean”, though.
when an exchange or relationship is balanced, boundaries usually need not be set. person A is not upset or “offended” that person B did not respond to them (given, of course, that they are indeed not withholding from a manipulative or conniving standpoint to incite a baited reaction/response) or didn’t make it to their party or doesn’t reach out to them. a balanced exchange or relationship needs no discussion at all. if you find yourself wanting or needing to explain yourself or your needs or actions, over and over again, you might consider a new boundary: no contact.
one of the reasons my sessions are so powerful is the fact that I am able to help people unearth damaging, expired and BORROWED beliefs. once we see the light around a belief, and we can see it for WHAT it is and was, we have a new truth.
last night I had another “breakthrough” moment in one of my own old beliefs about myself. and, yet again like clockwork, I woke up to a very visceral response from my external world and the people in it. every single time I “break through” a limiting belief, my external world responds in MINUTES. here is an example:
not so long ago, I was working on overcoming my fear of being public. I had always associated success with punishment and consequences. this is an old, irrational BUT also legitimate survival belief I held deeply within me. the belief was: if I shine, I will be punished and annihilated. on my quest for understanding the physiological adrenaline and ego’s desire (aka LOGIC) to hold onto this belief of mine, I have been able to break up that massive star-cluster-sized belief YEAR BY YEAR. a FULL belief typically will not 180, but fragments of that belief sure will. I call that moving the dial of a belief a FRACTION of a degree. what happens when I do this, and what happens when one of my patients does this, is ALWAYS remarkable: our external world simply responds (the trick is then to not also fear the RESPONSE, thus repeating said fear) with change. so, relative to this example, I had moved, over and over again, the dial of my belief around success in a public fashion – and, each time, I saw a “response” from the world and people around me.
recently, I was able to make a deeper connection around the illusion of my above belief and it’s hooks in my primal and former survival tool kit – as I made this connection, I felt dizzy and crampy. I slept for nearly 12 hours (actually that is not so abnormal for me). when I woke up the next day, two separate individuals connected to a book deal reached out to me in completely separate capacities; one is a major book agent, and one is a pulitzer prize award-winning author. I don’t believe they know each other, though they may know of each other. I know each of these individuals for different reasons and in different realms. however, the synchronicity was unmistakable and it was tied directly to blowing through yet another limiting belief about success that no longer served my real self – the “evidence”, at a certain point, DOES become tangible.
we often think that in order to create change in our lives, we need to eradicate an ENTIRE belief (to that, I say LOL – I have been working on certain beliefs for years!). for example, if we are self-harming either through thought or action, we think that we must quit said thought or action cold turkey in order for anything to change – this is why we often don’t bother in the first place, as the feat seems too mountainous. however, consider this: move the dial ONE DEGREE. move it a FRACTION of a degree. don’t ask for the entire “thing” to be gone, just ask for some more light around it. I certainly do not eradicate old limiting beliefs all at once, I move them bit by bit – and so do my patients. this is exactly how we begin to see the external world communicate to us – not by moving the mountain, but by moving a few rocks in our path. moving a few rocks in our path essentially DOES clear the entire mountain of perception.
finally, watch how quickly the external world responds to the teeny-weeny bit movement of that belief dial. stop waiting for the whole damn thing to shift, and pay attention to what IS shifting and responding to you. listen to the world around you when you find the slightest liberation or insight around a belief, or when you are willing to forego an aspect of a belief. #totd: moving the dial of a belief a fraction of a degree will create IMMEDIATE external change in your life.
I saw Petra for the first time several years ago, back when I was doing either one session only for just a couple of hours, or what I called a “5 series” – 5 sessions back to back, once a week for five weeks – that was in place to produce understanding that would deliver a tangible result/desire (most of these 5 series sessions were pregnancy or serious illness related). now, I only do one big session/program regardless of the issue at hand. Petra is a rare gem, beautiful, and very grounded. I don’t put up many testimonials regarding fertility/pregnancy/etc, even though I see SO many related cases, because in my experience it takes a specific person to understand the challenges around it they are really actually facing (almost NEVER medical, by the way. yes, I have seen doctors themselves who were trying to conceive). and promoting successful pregnancies runs the risk of attracting someone who is SO understandably desperate in their circumstances, yet not READY to surrender spiritually. people spend thousands of dollars on fertility (often very unnecessarily, despite what doctors will say about facts and “statistics”). from my point of view, each person is their OWN statistic. I don’t pay attention to statistics or adhere to them in any fashion. this is why I dropped my psych degree early on and decided not to pursue traditional medicine – I never wanted someone else’s “fact” to interfere with what I KNEW. now I am working on tangibly contextualizing what that intangible “knowing” looks like. whether it is stage 4 cancer, diabetes, crohn’s, chronic miscarriage, “infertility” or something else, the underlying spiritual cause is nearly always (never seen it any other way, in my practice) the gold nugget — not the medical “diagnosis”. it takes a certain person, and a certain time in their life to truly flush out deep understanding around whatever challenge it is they are ACTUALLY facing in order to then move the appropriate energy through their body. this video testimonial represents a fearless person who was ready and willing to dig deep, and look beyond standardized cognitive explanations in life. I admire her in many ways (she is a GREAT mom, wife and professional), and I am so blessed to know her now for the past three or so years.
thought of the day: we can not be in DENIAL about our past, and be living HAPPY & HEALTHY in the present. does this make sense? think about it…
our state of peace, awareness and transmutation of past trauma is equivalent to how clearly we will see the present – this includes any and all societal things around us such as media, politics, and friendships/relationships of all kinds (especially romantic relationships). if the “outer world” is upsetting to us, I highly suggest looking at what we are whitewashing or denying … that which actually PLAGUES our unconscious past – we will often find a direct relationship between the two as we use the outer world as a projection screen and barometer for our anger and unhappiness. sound crazy? then there is work to be done.