what I am Thankful for (in particular)

photo by my friend, who I met via my work, who I am VERY grateful for, Jennifer Santaniello (I am also very grateful for the sherry that I was drinking in this photo, it was flocking delicious!)

yes I am thankful for many things. even on the days when I feel like I don’t want to wake up and face the world, because deep down I know I’m in some sort of momentary process for whatever reason. but in particular…

I am thankful for the souls who have come through my practice. with my one-on-ones, the relationships that developed out of them have been…out of this world. the hardest thing for me to do was stop my consistent one-on-ones, because each was SO RICH of heart and soul. nearly every single session was feeling like the best person I had ever met. I never in my life knew that there could be so many shades of genuine *goodness* and TRUTH and talent in so many people — Unicorns, in fact, like me. people who maybe excelled in business or another part of life, but still just didn’t necessarily fit the “norm”. many whom, like me, suffered unthinkable traumas and injustices that the world will never hear of, but who have soldiered on with heads held high, intent on bettering themselves each and every day. that’s the thing about warriors — they have the most battle wounds, the most scars, but they carry on…often more focused on lifting the burden of others than their own healing.

in the summer of this past year, I was feeling like everyone I ever needed to meet to launch some significant enterprises that I had been manifesting over the past 5 years had already come my way. this is when I was paired with some major change and also some big personal internal realizations. I knew, in my gut, that “all of my people were here”. I’ve already written about this in my army of light post. in this month of November, I have begun to understand exactly which roles everyone will fulfill, as it relates to their soul’s purpose, mine, and the tangible ventures and movement that Healing Elaine birthed. it is mind-blowing, though it shouldn’t be due to my very palpable LOA and conscious manifestation understanding, how everything is about to perfectly fit together.

as everything starts to fit perfectly together, there is always a storm of release. emotional, psychological, etc. it is how we grow. or it is how we DON’T grow (i.e. people who never move beyond their own thoughts and beliefs and therefore resent the “success” of others). when we grow, we die. we die a million deaths if we are truly on a path to our own highest being and living. I’ve had (and reached the end of) many of my personal storms. after an entire year of a draining audit (apparently spending nearly all of one’s income on healing stones is not understood well by the “powers that be”), that has finally just come to an end. paired with lovely (sarcasm) logistical blocks that I previously had no control over having lifted or moved, which were clearly there energetically to “keep me at bay” (i.e. force me to focus present-tense, present-tense — timing and lessons!) before progressing as well. what has also come to an end is the type of person I used to hire to “assist” me. slash fuck up all of my shit in life. and now, there are all of these powerful and insightful people/women before me — women who came to me to help them, and who now, somehow, fit into this much bigger picture of consciousness and evolution…which is the spore and children of Healing Elaine.

I can’t really put into words how incredible the tribe is that has come through Healing Elaine. before I came out of the closet with this in 2011, I really did not know this caliber of human existed. they are not like the humans we read about in the every day news. these are incredible, honorable, true people. people who accept and live in truth at all costs. they are our future and I knew it from the day I opened my Healing Elaine doors. I knew I was assembling an enterprise without even trying. the (mostly women) people I have worked with, this year in particular, are what I am most thankful for at this time. despite a few dark lessons thrown into the mix every year or so, my patient base has only increased with true soul and sincerity and mindfulness as time has gone on.

right now I could not be more grateful for my tribe. I don’t even like saying “my tribe”, it sounds so cliché. but when my initiatives are launched and running, you will see what I mean. I hope to play a part in restoring humanity’s faith in other HUMANS — because I got ’em! and they will be seen and heard through their own enterprises. my desire has been to build and hire almost only from within the inside — those who came through Healing Elaine. there was once a quote in book called Living In The Light that struck me, and it struck me RIGHT before I came out of the healing closet. it said something along the lines of “everything you already need is right here” or “everything you need to earn a living is already inside of you”. I feel exactly this way, again, nearly 7 years later as I build new initiatives and companies. and with some key leaders at the top of MANY different industries. I’m on the cusp of all of these launches right now (and maybe some of them won’t work, and I don’t care, because some of them will, and that is what actually exists) and everything I need is already here, because of the incredible souls who have decided to become part of my life.

I see many people who have friends just to fill up space. or they have clients just to cash checks. or they have spouses just to sleep next to a body. none of that is anything I ever wanted. none of that is anything that would have made me feel good. and I spent a LOT of time alone. deciding what I DID want. what I needed to do to get those things, or have those people in my life. my early life and my now-life are absolutely night and day in terms of the love, support and genuine true care that exists for me. no matter how long I have known someone, those around me now almost know me as well as I know myself. even if there is a boundary due to our having worked together. and there may always be a boundary there. but, there is nothing better than a business relationship turned friendship. very rarely does it work the other way around anyhow.

thank you, so much, each and every one of you I have worked with who is so super close to my heart. I have a real family. lately I can feel the love on a level that I used to be too scared to even look at. learning to accept and feel love for mySELF has been hands-down the hardest thing for me to learn. I’m working on it. this doesn’t mean I don’t know my worth. because I certainly do. but it means that I need to learn how to accept love, which is different. the unconditional love that has been exchanged as a result of the deepest and most meaningful conversations (usually when I am helping someone over the phone, after we have spent hours together) has become more and more apparent to me as of late. and that was not something that was so super accessible to me in the past. my first experiences on this planet were glaring, angry and volatile eyes and I’ve spent my entire life chemically expecting that so that my adrenals can keep me “safe”. breaking through to the other side of that, and then receiving what I could feel for myself, has been nothing short of miraculous. and if that sounds dramatic, think about how far the brain has to come to re-organize/heal itself around ptsd and military style psychological conditioning to operate one way and one way only.

a therapist once said to me that I was so hungry and starving for love, that even the most basic of gestures would cause me to pedestal someone even if they were a maniac or abusive. she was right. I didn’t know what love let alone unconditional love felt like. so you can imagine the cast of characters I met over the years, lol. to go from that, to over a decade later where I am in a sea of pure love, encouragement and support is just a dream come true. this might sound like an exaggeration unless you have walked in the shoes I am writing from. and/but the sweetest part of a bittersweet life is the fact that there is a second part (sweet) to the first part (bitter). so thank you to you who are SO WHOLE and unconditional and who invite me to dinners, parties, holiday events, family events, shows and beyond (even if I don’t/can’t go!!). who knew you people existed in both caliber and number!?

what I want to say is 1) THANK YOU, thank you for those I have seen and worked with you know who you are!! I hope!!, just for existing. that’s it. thank you for taking up the same air as me on this planet. I’m so happy to share oxygen with you. and nothing more. the gratitude is huge for that alone, just knowing that you are alive. 2) THANK YOU, for not only your gratitude for what I am able to do with a session, but for *SEEING* ME and being grateful. 3) THANK YOU, especially to those of you who have put your heart and words on the line — most especially to those who have recorded a video testimonial (endless thanks to that, and there will be priorities to you for anything upcoming that I can possibly include you in with future endeavors) or taken the time to write a review. when I began doing this work, and people were getting pregnant “out of nowhere” or other “unbelievable” stuff was happening, I KNEW I needed to document it for later. and many of those documentations are still to come. so that I would/will not just be a “oh congratulations you’re pretty and you causally just want to market a healing business but really you’re just pretty and that’s it” woman. my greatest initial fear by the way. and to that note, 4) THANK YOU to the incredible women who are top in their field in finance or law who are insisting that I brand commercially while still keeping my 100% focus and integrity of what it is I ACTUALLY DO, and thank you for taking palpable steps to support me and put your name out there to validate me and our work together! thank you for offering me support with no strings attached, and thank you for not making me feel owned (the only experience I ever had in life, the hardest part of my expanding my biz, was the fact that nothing was EVER done without a price — emotional, psychological or otherwise). thank you for being part of the place I am in where I have tapped into my trust and I am 100% willing to be burned versus being 50% present and therefore attracting the wrong people. 5) THANK YOU for each of you who I have spent hours on the phone with post-session, because you are really dedicated to doing “the work”, and for being vulnerable with me and letting me be vulnerable as fuck with you so that I could help you. thank you for that level of shared vulnerability and trust. 6) THANK YOU God, for washing out the oldest, formative, carnal and only patterns I had known up until I began this practice, which were built upon duplicity and fear. nearly every single soul who has come my way via Healing Elaine has reinforced what my deepest core has always known — the opposite of fear. 7) THANK YOU for seeing me as more than a healer, but as a person. a real person who can be “both” in this life (so sick of this “either-or shit”), without a dangerous pedestal that could be knocked over. thanks for being real like me, keeping it real, and simply seeing face value in me because you are willing to love yourself. 8) THANK YOU, so many of you, for already being part of the future and what I am creating, by virtue of the simple fact that you match everything that is true and sustainable because you are following your callings — whether you are in the most regulated environment, or not.

I could go on and on. and the past few months have been very hard for me, simply because I’m busting through a pregnancy of creation. and with that a lot of shit is flying out of my windows to make room for the new. and through it all, there are literally hundreds of you I can simply think of and smile — knowing how deeply we each touched each others lives (even at the most nascent stages). so thank you for that. we are truly entering the most spaciously available time of manifestation of our lives, and I am over the moon with the support (logistical and otherwise) I have, thanks to you, to make personal and collective dreams come true. I am so thankful for you people. the honor of healing so many of you has healed my life too.