photo by Weimin Wang
I chose the above photo by Weimin Wang as a metaphor for the last few months of my life. if I am the earth, in this photo, then the space around it is the Universe and the space in between is my experience of the contrast [ light ] between the two.
my posts have been less frequent than ever since around April, as I was passing through yet another personal wormhole. I look at wormholes as portals of possibility that are indeed exciting, but that which we have to work VERY hard to shed certain layers of self (beliefs) in order to pass through successfully. wormholes present when we are at an impasse, and when we consciously and unconsciously want to expand. we consciously and unconsciously want to expand, when our energy and experience expands beyond our current reality and we hence become uncomfortable. some of us, instead of pushing ourselves to pass through a wormhole of opportunity, choose to complain and divert the opportunity (we have all done this at different times), only to create even greater contrast from within as it pertains to our potential, which inevitably becomes SUPER uncomfortable to the point where we either choose to expand, or get sick/suffer some “misfortune”. the thing is, we do not learn, by warm and fuzzy feelings, how to expand. we learn through discomfort. for me earlier this year (something that I felt burgeoning since last August and which I have written about many times in many different ways), it was the actual physical energy within my body that felt too big — too big for the way I was working, too big for my residence, and too big for my focus. when I say “too big”, I am referring to the fact that my higher self was poking and prodding me and pushing my life force out of me and around me to the point where it could not stop flowing. this is a good thing, and a difficult thing — because I felt physical (and psychological) pressure. and, we do not always know exactly what this means when it happens during the segue into a wormhole of expansion and change. in my earlier years, I would get very confused and feel like things were happening “to me”, or that I was being punished in some way. I would get wrapped up in the discomfort of the expansion of my energetic field (prodded by my higher self), and find ways to dilute that expansiveness instead of working WITH it to progress; for example maybe I would use that extra energy to go out all night and drink a ton of Jack — which would otherwise be fine, except for the fact that I was just unwittingly dumping my “extra” energy at that time that could have been used to move the dial an inch and progress with my hopes and dreams and desires. and I did this because I didn’t fully understand the nuances of the language of the Universe. over time, though, I learned. so when it began happening officially last August, and then LOUDLY earlier this year, I just kept listening and following my intuition each and every moment of every single day. and the message was clear in its overarching message to me: EXPAND. congruent with this message were other particulars that seemed to support that message, even though I could not figure out the exact “how” of this message in terms of actualizing and fulfilling it — particulars that were happening “to me” but really on my behalf to direct me such as: inflamed kidneys and other organs after working with someone beyond what my body and spirit wanted for me. now this was strange because I used to ALWAYS be able to “push myself” — or, I might say, sacrifice my life force for others. not anymore. I was now getting clear hits on my limitations, not just for my benefit, but for the benefit of the person who needed to learn things with their own effort and initiative versus overusing mine. other particulars included a deep longing to share my experiences with many more people. I’ve talked about this in other posts, but my biggest fear used to be being known by many. that fear is gone. I now feel safe, ready, and excited to allow what has been and is “available” to me — so-called “opportunity” — to pair with some of my passion. which leads me almost to my update…
as my energy was growing and taking me further out of one-on-one sessions (which were all-consuming — and I loved it that way — but the cycle of not having a life beyond work because that is the way I would work these sessions is over), I began to feel and remember the other part of my mission — the part that was very alive and well when I was a tiny child. it’s funny how we remember things when it is time. I believe that spirit creates a bit of amnesia, at least for me, when it wants us to be focused in a certain direction. then, when we have come full circle with that aspect of our journey, we are “reminded” of the old/new parts. I began to remember the passion that I had to connect with very large numbers of people, in a very positive and exciting way, so that they may gleam and benefit from whatever it was that I was sharing. when we share our inner passion, we not only remind people of their own, but we give them permission to connect to their own. in my one-on-one sessions this was the focus. and now the focus is the same but much broader. taking a very specific message of permission, so to speak, and making it mainstream and digestible, has been the billion dollar question of mine for some time. as I pondered on this notion for the past many months, I allowed myself to be open to partnerships or clients or people who might be there to pour some gas on this maverick fire with me. over the years, I have been approached by many different people; when I first came out of the closet with my healing practice around 2011, I was offered a bunch of money by a big-time VC who funded the biggest hedge funds with billions of dollars. it didn’t feel right, and I felt I would be owned in some way, and so I allowed myself to go through tribulations of housing court and all kinds of disappointing experiences as I tried to put my feet on the ground with an unorthodox business (nothing I’ve done has ever come with a back-up plan or hand-out in tow, in case you didn’t already know that about me). over the years there were other “easy outs” that I feel were rooted more so in ego — being known simply for being known, or having the promise of financial security which somehow took away from the integrity of my work. since I already know what it’s like to be at the bottom, there has been nothing appealing about anything which does not feel extremely “right” — full of integrity, correct timing, and so on. I had to pass all kinds of tests in order to ripen ideas that would actually “work” — and by that I mean expand my work and its message in a responsible way. which brings me to the idea…
it’s always our “stupid ideas” that are the best ideas! we often write them off as stupid because no one else has tried to do them. well, that’s kind of the point when it comes to a successful venture! and as I have said many times, it is not only our talent but most importantly our VULNERABILITY that fuels a successful idea. and you can tell the difference between a “successful” person an “unsuccessful” person just by listening to them speak. for example in the context of this post, an unsuccessful person will talk mostly about other people; undermining their achievements, making excuses for their achievements, playing the victim in their own lack of success in life. a successful person in the context of this post is someone who will constantly question themselves, if what they are doing is right, but they will also not pause when an idea or opportunity comes their way (assuming it is the right one); instead they will leap and wait for the net to appear, with no insurance. you won’t hear anything come out of their mouth about the achievements of others, because they don’t have the energetic space for that. they are too busy being vulnerable. that’s why they are successful with their otherwise “stupid ideas”. they don’t live in luck, though others may see them that way, but they live in alignment with themSELVES where they are asking “do my thoughts = feelings = words = actions?” — the hallmark of a successful and vulnerable person. well I’ve kept my eyes open for these people for some time. those who live in accordance with their own internal compass. those who make themselves vulnerable. those who have been successful in their own right because they are willing to take risks. those who are focused upon themselves and their path, not the haves or have-nots of others. and as one of my “stupid ideas” (which I loved! but I will admit I found it stupid at first! yet I proceeded anyhow!) began to ripen in my core, alongside the phasing out of my traditional sessions, I began to feel these people by my side energetically. I knew it was time to share my “stupid idea” with these people one day, and the rest is history. I have organized my venture and am now expanding and launching my stupid idea venture with others. and it’s so fabulous!
I will post more on this launch as it becomes more of a solid and catches its own flame…I will be doing a bit of travel as it ignites this Summer! this is something I am comfortable sharing with the world, and I believe that the concept will go beyond where we thought possible. last Summer I began to go narrow (slowing down sessions) to go broad (allowing this expansive personal energy to percolate within me, and direct me — and no, it was not easy most of the time!!!); now, I will go broad…to also be able to go narrow again (I have so many passions around ways to help different groups of people while canvassing ALL demographics in notion and ultimately catering to those who need the most “permission” in life). I have spent the bulk of my life doing things only for other people, and I used to be afraid to have any fun at all — I felt guilty. I felt that if I was not sacrificing myself for someONE, then I was not living right. as that phase has passed, you will see me having a lot more fun. I will share more about my process and experience with my new venture. and it is in this space that I will be able to generate my ultimate desire in life — positive impacts and permission-giving to others. there are so many people we can help when we allow ourselves to shine brightly and embody our truth.
bottom line: I am so excited! stay tuned to my instagram for more frequent updates and photos as this beauty unfolds.
a note regarding sessions: please read my About section and read the pre req books. I am not really doing sessions right now, but that does not mean that I WON’T do sessions. it just has to be right. really, really right. you’ll know it and I’ll know it. follow my directions that are written throughout my blog many times. read the pre req books. and if it is really, really right, then it will work out some how and some way. if we have worked together in the past, please know that I love you so much. if you ever really need to book time with me, please leave a voicemail on the business line requesting time (not telling me what your issue is). emails with 20 or any paragraphs detailing problems that you want me to fix pro bono since we worked together years ago will not be answered. my friendly email disclaimer should cover most of what I’m saying here (my email has also changed and I am navigating switch-over). I hope this is a reasonable boundary, and if you have already done this and think I’m annoyed, I am not and it is ok! I love you all the same. in terms of other ways we can reconnect (which I am planning for and excited for!), I will host new events for The Healing Elaine® Movement which you are welcome and invited to be part of when they next happen, especially in the event we do not work together again!