When fear and intuition overlap
I’ve written about this in different ways before – most recently here.
For the highly intuitive person, one of the biggest obstacles can be navigating the intersection of fear and intuition.
Those of us who have done a tremendous amount of self-work, or who are just naturally evolved AND intuitive, know what is ours and what is not ours (even if in brief moments we forget — which is part of the point of this article); when we “forget,” we are transcending AN OLD PATTERN.
As our intuition peaks, so does our fear – this happens so that we may master one and dissolve the other. Yet it is no doubt painful and confusing when it happens.
An example of this is an experience with a mentally ill person I met many years ago (there would be many more to follow). My primary association with mental illness was evil, because that is the raw form in which I experienced it in this life. The thing was, UNCONSCIOUSLY, I didn’t know that not all mentally ill people are not evil. I also had trouble spotting mentally ill — because of both past unconscious trauma, and because again … my only experience of it had been accompanied by evil, so without that it didn’t make sense…
When I met said person many years ago and knew nothing of their mindset, I DID know that they were not evil. And due to my primary association with mental illness as “evil”, I overlooked so many red flags. However, I felt triggered and I did not know why. With each trigger, I felt tremendous fear but I could not put my finger on it.
In order to extrapolate evil from mental illness (which I was being taught as my mind re-conditioned and healed itself), I first had to understand that evil was not about me. As a child, I thought it was. I came to fear it to the point of going unconscious around it, and not spotting it when it was right in front of me (I needed to do this to survive). So as I encountered this one person many years ago, it was the first time that my fear was begging me for it to take a hike, and my intuition was begging me to solidify. In order to do this, I had to face my worst fear – the evil that was such a big part of my life. In exchange, the Universe would peak my intuition and make my life / work even better.
There was a process involved in the above, and it was long and arduous. The first step I took (self-guided) was to do something that I had never done before, in my response to the harrowing stimuli at hand — that response was: NOTHING. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t react. I didn’t self-soothe. I didn’t even listen to music for three months. I walked around New York City like a zombie that entire summer. I had to understand what this fear was, that was being triggered within me so strongly so that I could connect it to my intuition. The only way to do this was to remove any prior coping mechanism that I had for pain I couldn’t understand. I didn’t try to fix anything. I didn’t talk about it. I just sat with it.
As I sat for days and weeks and months with zero stimulation beyond my work, a message started to come through me. It said “this is about xyz.” Hmph. Wow. I sat with it longer. I could hardly believe that this person and situation was connected to xyz, and or HOW. What was the connection? The thread? The string theory? I knew well enough to not ask anyone for answers. I knew this was on me, and absolutely no one else would be able to explain it.
As I sat with it and didn’t react, I took a gentle action that I had never taken before and couldn’t imagine myself taking. It was not only one of unconditional love, but a plea to the Universe to show me what it was that I needed to see. For, my intuition was SCREAMING at me behind the fear. This is NOT always the case. Sometimes fear is NOT intuition. In fact, very OFTEN it is not. So, what was screaming?
The screaming was the delineating between fear and intuition at a perfect intersection of BOTH. It was the recognition that not only was I right about something very real and very hidden, but that the front of it was not to be feared. What lurked behind was to be noted, and very cautious about, but I had it so unconsciously mixed up with such an early, carnal part of my life, that I could not pull the front and the back (of this person and situation) apart. The front (pattern) was benign, and the back (structure) nefarious BUT MOSTLY AS A CHILD (had I not seen the forest for the trees, however, the whole damn thing would have become malignant in real-time).
The pattern of IT sent my intuition crackling, and the structure of IT sent my fear (internal compass) screaming. I was being taught about what happens when fear and actual intuition intersect.
I write cryptically (if you can’t tell at this point) partly because I need to keep certain people and situations anonymous. Yet if you have been reading me for many years, you already know what I’m talking about. You understand the third language between science and spirit.
Sometimes when we are intuitive and self-reflective enough, we will be given a true gift because God knows we will be patient enough to receive it, and then do something with it. What I received from the gift I describe above was the understanding of nuance at the highest plane. It gave me the ability to forgive myself for not being old enough to walk / run / scream my way out of an environment, and it also freed me of the fear that two phenomenons were eternally bonded together. I cried tears of joy for this realization, and it still makes me feel very sensitive to think about.
The very first evil that I came to know, which I was also forced to forget, would not always be part of an additionally harrowing aspect of human nature which I would encounter over and over again — mental illness. And as my fear that became triggered around that phenomenon died, I could more accurately see AND UNDERSTAND evil.
Our experiences are bonded together for us with many moving parts. To this day, I attract both sides of that one coin I could not seem to separate — evil, and mental illness. Only now, the grace that I feel being able to fully see each (as well as if they are working in tandem or not) is incredible.
The next time your fear engulfs you, yet you KNOW your intuition is screaming at you at the same time (because you know the difference between fear and intuition), you may be at the fine intersection where fear and intuition meet. It’s not telling you to look away, rather it is telling you to sit there and see if there is more than meets the eye…as the past can bond through the future when certain adhesive is used to present us with both in one person or thing. Your mind, heart and soul deserve to know how to dissolve this adhesive and what timeline to place each aspect in.
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