It is dangerous to be ignorant of your value

Hands-down the most common theme I see in my work (and obvi have seen in my own life) is ignorance to one’s value. While it is endearing to believe that everyone else is equal / on the same plane in many or most regards, it is simply not true. People are equal – ENERGY IS NOT. And people are…comprised of energy. That which we can not see.

Once upon a time I was speaking to a mentor. I was in my 20s and she said to me “you are doing a lot of settling”. I wasn’t sure what she meant – after all, I had moved myself to Manhattan, found myself my dream rent stabilized apartment on the upper east side, I was dating a nice guy, and I was pursuing my many dreams. Well, she was referring to the whole shebang – all of it. Even though I thought what I had was “enough”, she was making it clear that there was more for me. That *I* was more. That there was better for me. Better than my job, better than my relationship, and better than my focus, even.

Relevant to where I came from, how restricted I was in the past and what I was TOLD I was/deserved, I was doing quite well. Better than well, actually. However, relevant to WHO I WAS, I was…settling. She knew it, other older people I would meet knew it, and I guess maybe WAY DEEP DOWN…I knew it too.

As time passed, I realized that she was right. It’s just that I was SO GRATEFUL to have the bare minimum of anything above the grade of chaotic/messy/unhappy, that I didn’t know how low my expectations actually were. Now, this is NOT to be confused with my lofty DREAMS – those never left, and they are still there; some of them I achieved very quickly. The point was and is, that RELEVANT TO ME – my intrinsic God-given gifts – I was settling. And there was danger in it.

The first part of the danger was my relationship. He knew I was settling too, but why give up the best thing that ever happened to you? I don’t feel like describing what settling, in that context, is here – but effectively, my spiritual and intellectual needs were WAYYYY off from being met. I had always stayed in relationships that were kind and provided a strong emotional and physical connection — little did I know how basic that was, and how it can be recreated basically ANYWHERE with ANYONE…ESPECIALLY if a spiritual and intellectual connection is on par.

The “danger” that ensued was imbalance, and it began to show up in my physical stamina and desire/drive for “more” in life. Though it was a supportive relationship in the most very basic way, I felt my world closing in on me. This basically CLOUDED my dreams – my most expansive ideas. It’s like, they were still there, but I couldn’t access them. The reason for this is that two energies MUST MATCH to share physical or otherwise space – and energy flows from top to bottom. I was flowing out all over the place and it was no one’s fault; well, maybe no one’s except mine. I had to learn. I did myself a disservice and wasted time because I didn’t know my value – I had an unconscious lack mentality that told me “this is the best there is” and yet ALSO deep down, I KNEW OTHERWISE…

When models of what you are / deserve ARE NOT REFLECTED BACK TO YOU AS A CHILD, you have no reference points. Thankfully, when I was younger, I had a couple of strong reference points regarding dating / relationships and the one I speak of here didn’t measure up in the way I knew existed. It’s just that…I wasn’t sure how to find that again and I wasn’t coming across it, so…I effectively denied my value. I would have been far better off alone.

The next part of the danger my mentor spoke of (but didn’t dive into – perhaps out of respect for me? I’m not sure) was my work. I was multi-lingual (and using it in my job, thankfully), attractive, trusting, and decent at sales – where I was working at the time didn’t exactly provide for my expansion. It was just regular stuff. There were other opportunities that would have catapulted me financially and otherwise – AKA opportunities which SAW MY CORE AND CELEBRATED IT. But no – I sat in mediocrity, because it was the best I had come by in a time. The point is, there was no true upward trajectory for me – so I was basically treading water but didn’t even know it. I was SETTLING. I would have been stuck in a basic job with a basic income forever had I stayed there. I took note of the people who did stay there – they were not exceptionally driven or dreamy in ambition, and they had a hard time understanding me. My dreams which I spoke of made no sense to them. They laughed at me. Years later I ran into one of them at the book store and his jaw was on the ground because of what I accomplished. I suppose when we were working together he expected we were the “same” – him, happy living in groundhog day and assuming everyone else was as well. I wasn’t, but I also wasn’t sure how to extract myself…and this is where the danger part comes in…

When we don’t know our value, things explode or erupt around us – BECAUSE GOD WANTS MORE FOR US. This sort of happened at that sales job (nothing too traumatic!) and later in my relationship. I was fighting physics – God had given me gifts, but I just couldn’t fully see them. I always thought I was exactly like everyone else on the surface – I still make this “mistake”, but what THAT is is just being unconditional and never seeing yourself as “better”. Though reading this may suggest that I see or saw myself as “better”, nothing could be further from the truth – which is THE WHOLE POINT of this article.

Energy is an intangible, while on-paper particulars are a tangible – I was excellent at knowing my energetic (spiritual) value, but terrible knowing my on-paper value. Hence a lot of decisions that allowed me to settle, and choose people who did not match me / my value in the slightest — I WAS CONFUSED ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TANGIBLE AND INTANGIBLE VALUE. On the surface I saw everyone as the “same” – the obvious idea that all humans are created equal – and I zippered that right over the intangible, and dramatic disparities of energy from person-to-person. It’s almost like I was things OPPOSITE to the way the rest of the world sees them —

One good thing that came from my childhood is I was always taught “treat the garbage man like you would the President – all people are the same”. It also resonated with how I was/am made, and it was a spiritual principle I applied to everyone I would meet. I honestly would not even know how to do life any differently, and that is another point I am making in this article. DISCERNING THE RELATIVITY BETWEEN THE TANGIBLE AND INTANGIBLE IN A PERSON was my greatest challenge, and it is a challenge that a number of us face. It is ALWAYS a talking point in my work. For, similar to me, lots of folks I see are attuned to this spiritual principle that “everyone is equal”…to the point of danger. Everyone is NOT equal. Because – ENERGY.

Different energies provide different levels of access to our core VALUE. All values are different, or else we would not even be here. Life is a mix of dark and light, evil and good, etc. And our entire reason for being here is TO DISCERN THE TANGIBLE FROM THE INTANGIBLE. When you live close to God, AND you have had certain experiences that attempted to REVOKE that connection to God, there is a tendency to IGNORE YOUR VALUE. This is akin to being a powerful beast in the animal kingdom, but living amongst very weak animals, and letting them know that you have no clue you are a powerful beast. Ultimately, they want your power and they will destroy you to get it based on animal instinct. The only people who will tell you that you ARE in fact a powerful best ARE OTHER POWERFUL BEASTS…so, how are you going to encounter them if you surrounded yourself with others who are not your kind?

You will perhaps only find YOUR KIND when shit hits the fan in life. Sadly, this is the only way most of us realize our own value. Because the people who are taking / drawing from you and your energy WILL NEVER TELL YOU. My nice boyfriend never told me. My nice boss never told me. BECAUSE THEY WERE GAINING. And let me tell you something about THAT…

If energy goes from top to bottom and you are spending yours in a relationship or environment that is contingent upon EXCHANGE, then that means that YOUR SPIRITUAL GIFTS ARE GOING OUT THE WINDOW. Who is feeding YOU??? No one. Not even you – because you aren’t even in an environment or dynamic that is RECIPROCAL. These dynamics, over time, will riddle you with VOIDS. And that is why it has never been more important to KNOW YOUR VALUE…

When I met my nice boyfriend back in the day – the one who wanted marriage (p.s. – someone who is serious about you will want to marry you within weeks or MONTHS – do not waste your time in a relationship that does not offer you this clarity! anyone I’ve been in a long-term relationship with has ALWAYS made this clear from the start – it was ME who chose incorrectly / wasn’t ready – but my point is, it is the man’s job to know this and express it and if he doesn’t not then IT IS NOT THE RIGHT THING) – he was working at the lowest level in his company. I was making my move from one company to something entirely different in my life (going after a big dream!). I needed a TREMENDOUS amount of energy to pursue my goal, but it was going ELSEWHERE – can you guess where? Well in a relationship that was suited for me – ONE THAT MATCHED MY VALUE – I would have actually been CATAPULTED into my dream. Instead, I built HIS. Mine lagged, I felt foggy and even depressed, and developed some insomnia. MEANWHILE back at the ranch…he went from the lowest level possible to the HIGHEST level possible and then to opening his own company in just three years. Picture that. Picture that energetically…

When things finally got draining enough for me – and it was tough, because he really did everything right (he just wasn’t ENOUGH – aka he did NOT match my value/energy) – I went my own way. Guess how fast things took off for me? Nearly OVERNIGHT. I dragged out a particular timeline aka destiny of my life for several years because I was SETTLING. Just like my mentor had said. I just didn’t…get it. And I was contending with some brain damage done to me by “caretakers” who sought to drain my life force and keep me chained to a tree. It was my job to understand that brain damage, not unconsciously repeat it in relationships, and understand ENERGY – hence, my VALUE.

That experience made it hard for me to feel like I could do life again with another person. I saw how well I did alone, but I didn’t realize that I was STILL denying my value – else, I would have felt comfortable in a well-suited pairing, perhaps. Also though, and I’ve already written about this, I DO know it was my path to do things exactly how I did them. Every choice I’ve made has been so incredibly intentional, and frankly, I’ve never been happier than I am now – ever since crescendoing from that “nice job” and “nice boyfriend” my life has gone exactly as I had dreamed it to go…I just don’t get to control my timelines in the physical world and if I tried to, it would genuinely go right against God. Please read my last article here for reference.

With regard to the “nice job”, my energy was going not to my own efforts, but to the lack of effort of those around me – in particular my boss. I opened various doors within the company – doors to big clients – which he (not me) walked through. When I recognized this (my doors were poached from me, right from under my nose), he casually snickered and told me that I’d ought to learn a better sell in the future so that wouldn’t happen. The thing was, no “better sell” could prevent what was happening; my gifts were being used by others, because they didn’t have them. Had this been an environment where there were others like me, matching my energy, not only would my energy not have gone into their void but the whole operation would have been a million times more successful. When you are around others like you, everyone does better – everyone. Not everyone ELSE – but you, too!

The greatest danger in not knowing your value is the fact that in not knowing, you will push back your timeline potentials. Other dangers include being taken advantage of, energetically and spiritually. We deny / ignore / don’t know our value, because 1) we genuinely see the spiritual side of mankind, with the idealized desire for everyone to be the same – in effect, we see the soul before we see the person and we zipper this soul with their outer-world reality RIGHT OVER THEIR ENERGY (so, we are dealing with three concepts here: 1) the soul 2) the person / their real-world particulars 3) their actual energy / energetic make-up), and 2) we have old hurts / trauma / bad messages to overcome. Those messages, both covert and overt, damaged our sense of value in this world and left us handicapped. Keep referencing the powerful wild beast out in the wild who believes he is exactly like the other smaller, weaker animals. Eventually, they will conspire to kill and eat him just to have a taste of his strength.

Once upon a time a very smart and savvy patient of mine said to me from her luxury hotel session with me “Elaine, some people have gifts that are so big (and she held out her arms straight, almost behind her back), but they only use a fraction of them (then she held her arms straight with her palms almost touching in front of her)…what do you think will happen to those gifts if the person doesn’t use them because they don’t see that they have them? Others will take them from them, and use them”. At the time, it didn’t even fully resonate with me in terms of what she was saying. Then it clicked, and although it felt rather evil and sinister to put it in the terms she did, she was referring to the animalistic instincts of people – even on the spiritual plane – to take the fruits that others had but refused to use. I now understand that this reference is almost demonic in nature – but it is true. And I learned (and continue to) THE HARD WAY – the very hard way, in fact – spiritually in the context of what this patient said to me. For many have tried to take the energetic and spiritual gifts that I have – and I put myself in great danger by not recognizing what I had, because God did not intend those gifts for the others. I was sitting prey in a sense.  

When we have gifts and value that are simply God-given but we don’t recognize them due to the reasons I outline above, we are like a bank with open doors and unlocked safes. We hire “guards” who pretend our jewels are safe, but meanwhile they are heisting them away right under our nose while we don’t notice. It is our job to stop the heist, and also to recognize that not everyone is like us – we would never steal in this way, BECAUSE WE DON’T HAVE TO in the first place; but humans are just humans…and when people see something that they don’t have, sitting right in front of them UNGUARDED AND UNREALIZED…they will pounce on it. Even though it is wrong (and it always backfires by the way – always – for all energy returns to its original state eventually), it is animal instinct of those around us – particularly those not gifted with certain jewels – to take what they see will further their “survival”.

It is dangerous – on every level – to be ignorant of your value. Unpack the optical illusions that prevent you from seeing it so that you may become safe – and fully in purpose.