what people do when (and why) they feel out of control – and what that says about you

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

as my therapist always says, to which I concur and echo: The Mind Will Do Anything To Be (Feel) In Control. ANYTHING. therefore, what if you are a person who — simply by existing — makes other people feel “out of control”?

well, I wrote a whole eBooklet about it in 2015. it’s called “we are not attacked because we are flawed; we are attacked because we are brilliant. learn about the physics of human behavior”. then I wrote a supplement/branch to such called “fact: people will try to bait you and/or flip out on you when they want something they cannot get from you – because what they want is actually INTANGIBLE”.

the fact of the matter is, that many (most? I have a hard time with this one — because I do the opposite of what many or most people do — I consistently go WITHIN for answers) people will modify YOU, to make their world make sense. because it’s easier. it’s easier than learning (learning is hard — that requires growth, and growth feels painful).

a lot of addicts reach out to me for “help”. there is a big difference between an addict in recovery, and an active addict. in fact, it is night and day. I always say that each of us is an addict — to someTHING (belief, pattern, substance, way of being), until we aren’t. so I place myself no higher and no lower than any other human. what matters, though, is one thing: INTEGRITY. with integrity we have honesty and with honesty we have grace. with integrity, we have the ability to heal. without integrity, we lack the ability to heal – EVER. I believe that some people are born to be addicts for life, not because of addiction…but because they are born without integrity. plain and simple.

integrity runs the gamut. the place in which integrity matters the most, is within someone’s own personal heart. when a person is in integrity with themselves (this means, they are willing to take the harder trail, simply for the greater good of ALL — not for the ease of THEMSELVES), they can overcome anything. some people are born without integrity within themselves. and so they are forever addicts (to, whatever). I recently received a phone call from what I would call a classic, active addict. I refer to it as classic, because of the charm. the charm of the multiple voicemails that they left. the charm of the facade of gratitude. the charm of the farce of engagement (engagement in my process). the fact is, like an active addict of a substance, an addict (particularly a person who has no personal integrity for their own self/life) will live so completely in their reality that if you are an empathic person, you will (temporarily, at least) believe them/their reality. I believed this person’s voicemail. I went against my grain, which is my RULE that someone must read all of my prerequisite books prior to contacting me (so, so many reasons for this rule). I rarely go against my grain — because my protocol is in place to thwart active, untreated, untreatable and terminal addicts. protocols, rules, boundaries and regulation of any sort is human mace for a said addict. and I know this. but, when spirit wants me to learn a lesson, everything that I “know” goes out the window short-term so that I may learn a new lesson. usually, it is confirmation of what I already knew to begin with, and my confidence is strengthened. such was the case with the phone call I returned to the absolute essence of ADDICT.

and in true addict form, they could not handle several things. they could not handle reading any of my requirements prior to inquiry. they did not commit to any of my protocol. they wanted one thing, and one thing only: ME. my life force. my energy. they saw only that and nothing else. and so in the context of not having immediate access to that in the way that THEY wanted, they HAD to make their world make sense. the way that this particular person decided to do that, was to write a “poor me”, fabricated online review about an experience that they never even had with me. I won’t even say typically, but in EVERY single one of the “poor me” cases (there have been a number of them) I have dealt with, either in-person or simply via phone hence dodging a bullet, the story is the same: 1) someone else is paying for their session. 2) they don’t want to do any work. 3) they don’t hear ANYTHING I am saying. the only thing that such a person is looking for, is EXACTLY what they want to hear, and all other facts and considerations are thrown out the window. they are like babies screaming for breast milk. STARK contrast to the sessions I do all year long with hands-down THE most amazing people I will ever meet. and I mean that. the people I have met and worked with are…out of this world.

in the above example, the addict phone call, my existence represented to this person not me as a person, but me as a substance. their idea of who I should be, how I should be, how I should work, for how long, and for how much money, was all a big fantasy in their mind. and when I naturally did not line up with their fantasy, they did not know what to do. I imagine, this is why they called. they are in constant pain. kicking and screaming. we all encounter these types of people, in one genre or another, all day long.

the first thing to consider in a case such as the above (which is not an uncommon experience) is that the way that people respond to you has nothing to do with you. I know this sounds redundant. and maybe cliche. but it’s true. I struggled with this the most early in life, because I needed to take things personally in order to survive. in fact, let’s take that a step further and say that I literally had to MERGE with others in order to survive — hence, deny myself completely. paradoxically, it was a huge gift waiting to happen (only, ONLY, because I TRANSCENDED the lessons). so of course that set the tone for my life. and it was very hard to understand, for a long time, that a light bulb bursting in another room…wasn’t my fault. just the same as I had to learn throughout my 20s that I was autonomous. just the same as I had to learn throughout my 30s and in the crux of my deepest research and understanding of the human condition in the most amazing ways (through Healing Elaine®) that another person’s healing had to do first, foremost, and only with their intrinsic ability/integrity — and that I was simply a catalyst. that understanding set the tone for me to, much of the time, make the right decisions about who to work with. and, when I made the “wrong” choices, they were the best learning experiences of my life. because each “accident”, each disappointment, was one step closer to the greatest understanding of myself and the world that I could have hoped for. it continues to this day.

so here’s the thing about the aforementioned fabricated phone call and review. it was a desperate and very temporary attempt at relief. relief from their feeling out of control. also in true addict form, is a hopeful trap; the trap of hopefulness — hopefulness that you will respond/engage. this happened once before. I worked (before I really knew how to spot an active, untreatable addict) with a most atrocious human being. they were not atrocious because they were an addict (please again refer to what I have said about addicts and addiction and do not cut and paste my words), they were and are atrocious because they have no desire to be well. not ever. also like many untreatable addicts, they are spoiled. as was the case with the above referenced caller, someone else was paying for their session. their sense of responsibility and contribution to the planet is obsolete – and they don’t care. and they will devour anyone around them by poking holes in them any way possible. the way to AVOID having holes poked in you is one way, and one way only: DO NOT ENGAGE. now, some may consider this article/post here as me engaging. it’s not; it’s fruit from the labor of being attemptedly attacked by what I perceive to be a dodged bullet — an active, untreatable addict. I don’t need to know what their substance of choice is, because it is all the same and it is all the same when they do not want to get well. everything that I have learned about these people, everything that I know about them, and everything that my therapist (again: they are a LEADING neuroscientist) knows and validates in each of our worlds and knowings, was simply re-affirmed by the experiences I have had with addicts who try to poke the auric field to make it bleed. therein begs the question, which rests within the title of this article, what do people’s actions say about you?

what people’s (again, from the vantage point that in a sense, some how and some way, we are all addicts at some point) actions say about you is that you are supply that they want a hit from. there is something about your existence that does not fit their narrative, because your existence is complete where theirs is void. in traditional narcissistic fashion, when their world does not match what they see in you, they become ENRAGED. this may translate to simple things such as gossip. or triangulation. or slander or defamation. I’ve seen all the tactics. the point is, like an addict, they have to DO something in order to feel better. the only problem is, not only is it a VERY temporary (if even a) fix, but when you do not engage with it, they are left hungrier and more deprived than ever! this may lead to more attempts (such as why people stalk, or even kill), but when you don’t feed the beast it either dies or moves on to someone who WILL feed it. now, I’m not talking about only dysfunctional people here, obviously. there are entire individuals working regular jobs, with regular lives, who hide in plain sight in this way. in fact they are everywhere. AND, when you are extra “complete” in some way — you are a WALKING TRIGGER for these people. now what do I mean by “extra complete”?

by extra complete (more of which you can read about in my eBooklet 5), I mean you simply carry more intrinsic integrity than them, or the average person. yes, this is a real thing. our human bodies are just containers. what rests within and around those containers is…to be understood. and it’s the bane of MY work. I call it God energy. integrity is God energy. integrity is desire to fulfill one’s own needs, with its own energy versus someone else’s. integrity is the desire to do the right thing. integrity is the will to judge one only against one’s self (yes, that is a real thing). when you are extra complete, it simply serves as a multi-fold mirror for those who are not such. they are allergic to your breath. to the sight of you. and it is nothing that you do or don’t do. it doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do. you’re just alive, and that’s enough. enough to make some people feel out of control.

the greatest life force for an active, untreatable addict, aka insufferable person, is your pain. your fear. your discontent. it’s all the same family: negative emotion. when a negative void is seeking fulfillment, it will seek to pain you so that you leak. that void could be in Alaska whilst you are in Iran — and if it can poke you hard enough to bleed a negative force, it will lap it up as life from across the great ocean. just like we can send and receive electronic messages, we can send and receive e-motion (energy in motion) aka life force. so the question is, what will you allow, by way of understanding how you affect others, and what they will do in order to feel in control?

I don’t have advice for the untreatable. it’s a life sentence. the untreatable, as I continue to say, do not ever want to use their own energy for anything. I have learned, for decades, and I knew this when I was TWO, that there is no cure for a VOID of a person. but, there is a cure for the full — for those who look withIN when they feel out of control — and that cure is ice.

when you put someone on ice, you simply do not engage. period. they are on ice. you have sealed your cracks. cracks exist as empathy – because most of us naturally have it and want others to feel good. there is no feeling good for a void. it’s simply that. and as you put that void or voids on ice, you will notice how many twists and turns they make in order to get fed. and as they starve, their focus upon you dies. and they learn that the bite that they tried to take out of YOU, might just be the last bit of energy or hope that they had to learn to control themselves. if there is one thing that I do know, it is that the fates do not take well to evil. eventually, evil (the absence of integrity) crosses the wrong person, who is used as a bridge between on-earth heaven and hell for an individual whom God has offered a final test in this life. the “wrong person” takes no revenge. they don’t have to. as they know that all destiny resides within intention itself. and each of us — when we feel out of control — has a choice…driven by intention. regardless of where you are today, and how you feel today, your intention will be reflected by the responses in others (that, nonetheless have effectively nothing to do with YOU) as well as your intrinsic well of integrity.

in layman’s terms: let the world and the people in it set themselves on fire if it means living in integrity. with truth, with integrity, and with honor, there can be no wrong…even if and especially if it looks out of control to you (as it will, and as it should).

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happy New Moon this weekend. and, remember…the path to AI defeat is: CONSCIOUSNESS!

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

I’m on a little bit of a big tech / AI kick if you can’t tell from my yesterday’s article here. the interesting part about that article is this. I woke up earlier than usual and SHOT out of bed with the healthy impulse to write that article before noon. typically yes I get inspired, even excited to write something that I am passionate about, but yesterday felt different. I was jolted, physically. THEN, after writing my article, I take a peek at my little social media apps — and see all over the “news” that Joe Rogan had dropped his Ed Snowden interview here, and that Mark Zuckerberg was testifying live before congress! I guess it (yesterday) was a day for disclosure of some sorts. I know there will be more, and more, and more…to come. across the board. GET READY.

when I say GET READY, what I really mean, in the kindest, simplest and most straightforward terms possible is: get conscious. no, I’m not talking about vaping out at a “spiritual retreat” or venturing into foreign lands to become “awakened”; the truth is, if you can’t awaken in your ordinary life, then you simply won’t awaken. tools such as the above that I jab at are merely…tools. they aren’t the THING. there are so many misconceptions about healing and consciousness, it is just incredible. that is why I write this blog.

so getting conscious. and again, what does that have to do with AI? first of all, getting conscious will prepare you for the truth. the truth, to you, may mean one thing right now. but when you are conscious, it will mean something ENTIRELY different. no, your personal moral compass will not change. just your awareness. I’ll get back to AI in a minute.

getting conscious can be provoked by doing a number of things — again, I list so many of them in my blog here. in the most basic ways, getting conscious can be set the tone for by things like plenty of sleep (and I mean PLENTY), plenty of water, very healthy foods, and exercise. that sounds like a total cliche but you would not believe how many people bypass the (above) absolute basics to even prep their mind to receive anything clean. and, whatever is sitting there (IN THE MIND), WILL multiply — whether it is good or not, and whether it is bad or not. if you can master the basics, there are of course other ways that you can grease your consciousness portal for clean delivery. unplug and be alone. I mean it. does it hurt to be alone? emotionally? psychologically? physically? without ANY electronic devices? well then, good. go and detox from one or both (preferably both) and FEEL those chemicals coming out. so many people can not do this. they are addicted to people and devices. and how in the FLOCK do you expect to get ANY true guidance, in this state? and if you can master the latter, in addition to the basics, then you can still take it further. I’ll let you pontificate on what would be right for you, because I will tell you that what is right for you (BEYOND AND AFTER all of the above, first) is whatever is the most exciting for you. yep. whatever most pleases you. maybe it’s creative. maybe it’s not. but probably creativity fuels it whether you recognize it as such, or not. and it is ONLY after we are clean portals can we ACTUALLY go and do what we enjoy, and be certain that it is not a bandaid or a drug that we are using to cover up the pain of the basics that we can’t master because we are actually addicts. (PS: everyone is an addict. in some way. to some thing. it’s just a matter of what, when, how, why, and coming to terms with such).

if and once you have some truth flowing through you — from YOUR CORE (and remember: this is NOT about making certain people, or certain GROUPS of people, right or wrong! if you are conscious, you are entitled to YOUR truth, and so is someone else! it is AMAZING to me that many people actually call themselves progressive and they are the most judgemental, ignorant flocks breathing!) — begin to note WHAT IS YOURS AND WHAT IS NOT. this is VERY hard to do. this is what I get paid to teach people. but, it can happen. if and when we are awake. there are subtleties that turn into major states of being. the trick is in identifying the subtleties. for example, when you wake up in the morning and have a disturbing foreign thought or feeling and you can not place it. well, how about how did it get there? if you are CONSCIOUS, you can take inventory and find out. and if you are conscious, you can figure out what devices were placed next to your head while you slept. or what messages you sent late at night before bed or what messages came in upon waking that you don’t even know you have, but that are SITTING IN YOUR LITTLE MAGICAL DEVICE. the messages, that are sitting in your little device, HAVE ALREADY BEEN DELIVERED TO YOU. your consciousness is synced to your devices. don’t believe me? try and do all of the above — spend time cleaning your antenna. get super, super clear. hear truth. THEN, compare that truth with foreign feelings. assuming you are not regressing into post-trauma (you should be in therapy for this! I don’t care if you can’t afford it — I used ALANON and similar support groups for years when I could not afford therapy! and now, I pay for therapy instead of owning a home!), you will be able to spot AI interference in your life. the drama, the lies, and the negativity that the little devices we wear and touch all day are designed to deliver straight through our consciousness and into our hearts. to continue, to divide and conquer us. it’s worked so far, hasn’t it?

are you able to have a conversation with someone totally different than you, who thinks looks and acts totally differently from you? no? then go do some work on yourself. it is not normal or healthy to surround yourself with ONLY people who think look and act like you. I look at my entire patient base — they could not be more “different”, in the outer world, each one of them; BUT, they are ALL THE SAME. they are all able to sit and converse, pleasantly disagree and agree to disagree on outer world matters, and still LOVE each other. we have just about NO adult examples of this on social media (where most people, and most young people, get their “news”). and it is dangerous. but it is AGENDA. the outrage that resides in people…where does that come from? sure, we catalog and “box” people because it makes us feel safe, when we do not know better…but AI (read my previous post to understand more) actually preys on and plays on our said human vulnerabilities. we do not have to allow this to be the case anymore.

if you are really evolved, and really invested in the things that you say you are invested in, then you should be able to, as let’s say for example a far right person to, go to a far left event and listen (NOT to change your mind, just to see if you can sit there and tolerate it and see the humanity in people). and if you are for example a far left person then you should be able to go to a far right event and listen AND DO EXACTLY THE SAME. what you MAY hear, is a lot of people, in each group, saying EXACTLY THE SAME THING. but using different words and experiences to say those things. that is, if you are able to HEAR them. there is simply no such thing as “one group” of people being more awake or evolved than another. but, AGENDA and deceit AS AN ENTITY lives more often than not in the designated “woke” and “fair” groups, that is for sure! it is how evil hides in plain sight! oh, the IRONY.

people say to me all of the time “do you live in Williamsburg?”. LOL! I get it, it’s because I wear the funny pilgrim hats and the vintage biker jackets and such. but why does that mean that I live in Brooklyn or would like, need to “dress the part” of the neighborhood that I live in? I mean, I’m not on an episode of Girls. but the point is, that people need to organize their thoughts (so that they can feel in control) about WHO SOMEONE IS based on how they look, what interests them, and what they believe. but that’s not who a person IS. I’ve NEVER “dressed the part” for anywhere that I’ve lived, and I’ve never picked a place because it’s “cool”. God that takes SO MUCH ENERGY. I feel exhausted just writing about it. what’s my point here? think less about the exterior and consider for a moment that you don’t know squat about someone’s inner world. unless you truly know squat about yours. which is unlikely. that takes work. and no it’s not an Ayahuasca retreat. it’s daily, conscious work to consider that we can not control the outer world by assuming things!

the New Moon is always a good time, when it comes, to consider new ways of living or being. I am not an astrology expert, but I can suggest a look at good old YouTube for some live references! I really enjoy information shared by Nadiya Shah, Kelley Rosano, and The Leo King. this weekend we are in for a new open portal of energy, which might really compliment our continued efforts to simply live, breathe, survive and THRIVE on this planet for the very short amount of time that we are here.

CHEERS to an excellent weekend.

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