wishing pain upon your evil doers is a waste of time – they are already in tons of pain.
the greater the evil deed, the greater the pain coming from (behind) the vehicle carrying the deed. the relationship between the deed itself (this includes the action AND the intention) and the NEED for what you hold inside of you (life force) is totally proportional. this is actually why people kill.
an evil person operates from lack, which they seek to match with proportional abundance (life force). when they can not access said abundance, they actually feel their own evil. in this state, they are in pure withdrawal mode – like a heroin addict without their supply. their very existence is based on not feeling their own evil, and so they commit all kinds of atrocities big and small. and like any spectrum, evil is on one.
whilst all things are relative, it is important to note that the greater or more frequent the evil, the greater the pain the person experiences if they do not do something to counter the reality of their evil within themselves. in this way, many or most evil acts are not even personal — even if they feel that way. and the real hook that we don’t want, when we are a target of evil, is the one that leaks even more energy in the direction of the evil doer. do not confuse this with forgetting about or not believing in justice, however. justice (in the form of karma) ALWAYS comes, and it is typically very poetic. I’ll get to that part in a bit.
one way of leaking energy is to take things personally. when we feel this, we drain our energy field and life force. this is because we are tricked into believing that the evil act actually had something to do with us. in believing that it had something to do with us, we blame ourselves, even if only unconsciously. in this way, we are matching the vibration of the evil act, and we are creating more of it’s reverberation. when we blame ourselves, we are also not in our personal power — which we need all of, to conquer evil. it is crucial to understand that every single thing another person does is relative to their actual intrinsic state — evil, or not.
at the end of the day, an evil doer must find more and more and more supply or life force, to counter the lies that they tell themselves (this is where evil is born, by the way). and the fact is, there is a shelf life for all that is not real — for all that is force, not power. power is eternal, and this is what evil seeks to grab — even if for a brief moment, until it can find its next snack. eventually, however, the adrenaline rush that evil first got off of its deeds wears off. this is exactly why evil is akin to addiction — they are one in the same, in my experience with evil and the way that I write about it. like a feigning addict, evil will eventually reach their peak “high”…and the only place to go from there, is down.
in 2015 I wrote about karma and published an eBooklet about it. the eBooklet is based on what I felt coming, in the following year of 2016. and we sure got a lot of it. and, I love it — all that has been hidden, in the name of evil, is being revealed. and we have barely hit the tip of the iceberg. those who have been running the cabals of evil are about to expire – and they are scrambling like cockroaches in the dark. looking for ANY distraction, so that we the people of the planet, do not see what is going on in plain sight. it’s too late. and more will be revealed. the “enemy” that we have been told is the enemy, is not the enemy. the real enemy has been hiding in plain sight. and this enemy is in a lot of pain. this is why it is scrambling for something — anything — to feed itself. but, there is nothing left.
evil isn’t about those of us who are not evil; evil is about evil not feeling its darkness in an environment of light. when we see something for what it is, perhaps for the first time, the physics of that thing actually changes. and I say that our greatest defense AGAINST evil is simple: awareness that it has nothing to do with us. it simply wants to trade places with us, so that it does not have to feel its core.
the next time someone crosses you — hurts you — steals from you — kills someone you love — don’t bother wishing them pain. they are in so much pain, that even their most atrocious acts won’t sustain transcending. your fear, your sadness, your shock, your despair, is the VERY BREATH OF EVIL. so, then let evil die. there is a quote, and I believe it applies here: “Remember, the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” —Zig Ziglar. in this sense, and in effect, an evil doer can never be you — that is the ultimate pain body for them, and iterates the ultimate blessing for you.
last year, I went on a detox – a text messaging detox. as a person who recharges ALONE, not off of other people’s energy fields, it felt like it was do-or-die — I HAD to detox from texting.
I don’t text for work. ever. I don’t schedule anything for work via text or messaging of any sort. I’m old school.
before I get into WHY I detoxed and where I stand with it now — as well as all of the WONDERFUL findings that arose from it all — I will note my very first corporate sales training in the early 00s. this particular company did not allow email with ANY potential clients or clients. the only emails allowed were internal. I recall being very intrigued by this rule, and also curious. after all, it was sales. when I landed at the sales training course in Texas, I was shown (really just a reiteration of something that makes SO MUCH SENSE) the power of human contact and connection. in a nutshell, we were shown why phone calls or face-to-face meetings are the only forms of contact that will make or break a proper connection (in that case, a potential client or client). anything else was a waste of time. and it could not have been more true.
aside from the corporate training aspect I describe above, I always knew that direct and thorough is the ONLY way in life. thorough, in the sense that if something has the potential to NOT stick, then that potential will show immediately via face-to-face contact or via a phone call versus a passive, EASY, perhaps not even human correspondence via text or email. it is only after the relationship has been established that it will be supportive to maintain contact in a less direct fashion. and it’s true. with my work in particular, it has to be SO right in terms of person and timing. the connection must be 100% or it’s not happening. even in the wake of talking via phone. typically, a gut level response happens or it doesn’t. the way I approach my work and life across the board is, if it is 99% right then it is 100% WRONG. now, don’t get that confused with saying that we have to be 100% perfect to get something going — no, that is not what I am saying. I am just saying that in the moment of execution, in the moment of preparation, in the moment of discussion, it must not only feel but BE 100%. then, if it fails or goes rogue, it is an experience not a mistake. if we are lined up 100% with our thoughts, feelings, words and actions in any moment, then we are in alignment — and the rest is up to the Universe after that!
the conclusion with the corporate training thingy, it was totally spot on. for example, we saw it was spot on when we tried to violate protocol and book a deal with the CEO’s admin (it NEVER STUCK — because the admin was not the end DM [ in the old days, those initials stood for “decision maker” ] and therefore had zero interest in the bottom line of the company). the same notion would have applied to email. no one cares when the form of communication is that passive. or, they do not care as much. it’s just not worth it unless a relationship has already been established, and even then, I am still not a fan unless circumstances will not allow for a phone call.
I am amazed at the number of people who request or accept my connection on LinkedIn, but do not want to talk on the phone when I suggest we do. it only takes a few minutes to suss out where the mutual bottom line benefit might exist. otherwise, why be “connected”? and so for all of the “sales navigator” tools it offers, people are missing the mark when they could just ask for a phone call and state why they want that phone call. I digress. but it’s something to consider — how non-human we have become because we are so reliant and fantastical about technology.
last year, WAY too many people had access to me because of text messaging. perhaps some people felt the same way about me, too. now, I feel the same way about text as I feel the above email examples — it’s ok after you have already established a relationship with someone. but, for what purposes to use it? I fell into the trap I see nearly everyone in — I used it nearly every time I had a thought, feeling or idea. and I used it with whomever I felt could appreciate it in that moment. since I am a writer, by nature, it was all too easy for me to word-vomit thoughts and even subconscious thoughts that I would NEVER otherwise write had I not been tired, frustrated, etc. so in a sense, this is an addiction not an outlet. an outlet is when there is direct, 1:1 connection or you are using a natural outlet like handwriting for yourself or praying aloud or working out physically. I began to dislike myself at times when I texted, and I definitely disliked how someone — anyone — could just “access” me in a nanosecond because I entered their thoughts. well, I enter a lot of people’s thoughts. and I didn’t like what my BODY and overall physiology felt, every time someone reached out to say “hi” — because most of the time, they were not reaching out to say hi. they were reaching out for a charge. energy. help. energy. energy. ENERGY.
in 2004 I was dating a guy. this is sort of around the time that texting came to be. I had never text messaged a boyfriend before. yes, there were 2-way pagers and phones that texted, but they weren’t the rage or anything close to the rage that they are now. one night, early on in our relationship, he texted me “goodnight” and I was totally taken aback. as in, I found it ODD — because, we had just hung up the phone an hour earlier and already said goodnight. now he’s saying goodnight AGAIN? I didn’t like it. it felt…….addictive. something didn’t feel good about it and now I know why. it’s totally unnatural for anyone to have that kind of access to you morning, noon, night, and ANY TIME they want to access you. in 2006, I was in a new relationship. one night before I went to bed, I hung up the phone after saying — audibly — “goodnight” to this person. as I slept, and about an hour later again, he texted me some more “goodnight” pleasantries. I didn’t see his note until the morning, and I had a weird feeling in my gut that he was uneasy about my lack of response. but, AS IF I were supposed to tell him exactly WHEN I was going to bed? like, the minute before? again — this was early on in the texting game, and alarm bells went off. well, 3 months later, he told me that he cheated on me very early on in the relationship. guess what night it was? THAT night. the night I didn’t say “goodnight” back, via text. LAUGHING OUT LOUD! really. ok, yes, I was right about the addiction part of text. I began to “get it”. and I didn’t like it at all. AND, I became part of it. like nearly everyone else.
throughout the course of that relationship, I texted many things I didn’t mean. I texted many things that I would not normally say, let alone WRITE (even in an email — there is more time to sit with things before hitting “send”). and I disliked it all. when we broke up, I took a big step back from texting. but then it got even worse. there was i-messaging. and photos! oh boy. over the course of the next while, I was less engaged in all things tech and text than most people I knew. I was the last of my friends and acquaintances to join all social platforms that exist today. it all just felt to me…unnatural.
the first time I witnessed “Facebook” was when I had a young teenager living with me to help share the rent in Manhattan. since it was a studio share, there was no privacy. and one day, I saw this girl just STARING at the computer. I couldn’t believe it. what was she doing?? WHAT?? what could possibly warrant HOURS of staring? I discovered, it was something called Facebook. and then I found out what it was. and I felt…WHAT? why would anyone want to peer in on the lives of others? it felt so counter-intuitive to me. it felt invasive and…odd. I didn’t get it. this is where my generational split or gap really comes in handy, I believe, with my career ambitions and place in the world. because what I am writing about is NOT natural. it is a tool, and a tool that we can all fall prey to like anything else that feels “indulging”. since I don’t have addict tendencies, it always felt repulsive to me. even whilst I was engaging on social or via text.
in 2015 I deleted my personal Facebook page and it was like the BEST THING EVER! I decided to use it only as a ghost account to run my business and public pages for my work (there are now 3). I never felt good looking at other people’s lives, and I really didn’t get why a sane person would. after that, I finally joined Instagram in 2016. I briefly used a private account and then deleted that — only to have some business accounts…which follow 0 people. the reason they follow 0 people is multi-fold. first, the work that I do is super sensitive and personal. what if I were to follow some people and accidentally not others, therefore offending some nice young person I once helped who thinks I don’t like them because social said so? no thank you. also, there are trolls left and right who are obsessive — with me, and with others. I don’t get it, but people will literally follow other people’s lists to try and ingratiate themselves in someone’s world (the person they are trying to invade, by attempting to forge “connections” with people they are connected to). I saw the most bizarre, sick behavior from some people, notably obsessed with me or my work for many months, only to disappear and try to take what they perceived as my client list with them. HA! what? the whole thing is just…a huge energy sucker.
last year, as I was going through my biggest personal transformation to date, there were too many people who had access to me. just too many. and, some of them REALLY the wrong kind. the addict kind. addict to people in contact with people allllllll day. the type who can’t sit still. I’m not that type. I CRAVE to sit still. in SILENCE. with NO TECH. I love this. not only that, it’s how I grew up! thank GOD for this, being raised as a child in the 90s. what a gift. the type of gift that lends itself to hearing one’s own thoughts and feelings. and honoring them. good Lord! at any rate, it all became too much last year. I found myself writing too much at the drop of a hat, and I saw how unnatural and frankly, dangerous, it was for me to allow people to just enter my energy field unannounced. I hated it. and, I needed space. I needed space — indefinitely — from anyone plugging into me for a charge. after all, during this transformational phase in my life, I needed my own energy. just mine. I had nothing left to give. and, that has sort of not changed. and I consider this a good thing.
my work phone is a 90s flip phone. I don’t text. people can page it, but that means absolutely nothing and so all pages get deleted. it is glorious to cut to the chase and make actual human connections by asking people to be real humans and read my protocol, then make an actual phone call. those sound like simple things to do, but I am ASTOUNDED as to how many people are SO lazy that they want to connect or book services with people over an electronic device. REALLY? I can not imagine booking a personal service without first HEARING that person. maybe I’m weird. my regular cell phone, due in part to me swearing off text message last year as well as the DISGUSTING censorship issues I was having and am still having, I disabled text messaging (and of COURSE, stupid “Siri” – in case you didn’t know, it’s just a spy tool and you should beware). I let as many people as I could, know, that I was no longer texting and so don’t bother. the thing is, if it is crucial, someone will call you. if it is an addictive behavior, they will text you to satisfy a momentary urge or need. and if they call and your time is valuable as I consider mine, more and more each day, to be, you will simply call them back WHEN YOU HAVE THE TIME AND ENERGY. most people get that. maybe not crazy people, but then cheers to weeding out the crazy.
in place of traditional text messaging, I briefly downloaded an encrypted app called Signal. to this day I still don’t know why I did it, but it was helpful for little things like sending links/news or communicating with someone out of pure necessity. but then again, if we want to send links, how about just use email if it is really that important? and that’s the point — nothing done over text is important. we just say it is, because we live in a constant INSTA state. the generation behind me astounds me, for the most part. I see it, via my Pediatric Energy® work, split into two actually! — which is exciting. half of the kids use it like the plague, and the other half barely use it at all…as in, they check their texts or emails maybe once a day. it’s interesting and that is a whole other topic such as parenting, but there is hope if we can re-program ourselves. as I used Signal for a time as a replacement to text messaging and only with a number of people for emergency purposes, I found myself once again in the same feeling-state as when I was depleted thanks to regular text messaging. and I, once again, hated it. I hated it because I could feel the wonderful difference shutting off my i-message and texting had made, and I wanted MORE of that. and when I say more, the word that comes to mind is: SOVEREIGN. I wanted to feel myself again. ME. and it got me to thinking about something, which is the title of this post.
what did my energy feel like up until the early 00s? separate from and regardless of whatever was going on in my life? how did I work through my problems or concerns differently? how quickly did I transcend them on my own and without the illusion or crutch of other people / technology? and the answer was, I felt GLORIOUS when there was no text messaging. I felt FULL when I could run my day without WORRYING that xyz person will take it personally if I do not get back to them on time. I felt CLEAR when I had just my own energy to contend with, unless *I* otherwise chose. no one was invading my field without knocking first. and I realized recently that everyone has to knock, first. not only will I not be an addicted maniac on Instagram by liking-commenting-DMing nonstop (and I BARELY use twitter unless it is to post updates or things that are really relevant, therefore not engaging with anyone), but I will also not repeat the same behavior by knowing that (by allowing for) at any moment, someone could just APPEAR in my phone. literally at any time of day. I don’t want that anymore. and so I began letting people know (AGAIN) that I don’t text. I began letting the few folks I consider friends or acquaintances or xyzs that I am not using Signal or any other similar app. and I won’t, unless it is an emergency. I won’t reboot or look at the app. and it is because: I WANT MYSELF BACK. all of myself, back. up until the early 00s, I was able to snap my fingers (er, my mind!) and what I was looking for would appear in real-time and in real form. constantly. I want that back. things are taking too long — because they are moving too fast in other domains (tech).
every time someone connects to you, they are in your energy field. they are in your consciousness. they are taking something, consciously or unconsciously, whether it is obvious or not. anything valuable or worthwhile can come with a heads up — like, a phone call. the rest is just basically a playground for people to work their emotions, addictions or feelings out on another person. I don’t want to be that person in either role. young people (I guess, under 35?) don’t get this. this is because they were literally raised by the internet. and tech. and text. and INSTANT EVERYTHING. what a horrible notion, if one can not step back and truly create their own self-sustaining energy. I see so many people confused about what is theirs and what is not theirs — because they are codependent. addict or not, instant everything slash text and social has turned regular folks with addictive predispositions into fractions of human beings, and it has turned whole human beings with little or no predisposition for addiction into fractions of themselves. I don’t ever want to be a fraction of myself again. I need myself to manifest my next steps and dreams…
I got to thinking, as I have been text free and insta-anything message-wise free for a bit now, that it not only feels AMAZING, but it reminds me of what I used to be able to do without everyone sticking their energy aka karma INTO my field. I used to be able to think, breathe, snap my fingers, and manifest my next steps. when I came to the city and was still working in corporate in 2005, I was not bogged down by text and there was thankfully no social, and I was able to work wonders for myself! when I landed in 2005, I knew that I had a small window to conquer my next “path” (one that would intertwine with all that I am doing today) before moving on to the next path. since I was in my 20s, I knew that just like having children, there was a window for what I was about to do next — and what I was about to do next was considered very hard. that was, get myself on a TV show. set myself up for my future with the public. in just one fiscal year after moving to the city, and leaving corporate for good in the way that I was working FOR “the man”, I began to work regularly in TV and Film — enough to pay my rent. and just one and a half years after that, I landed a guest starring role on the only show I wanted to be on at that time. you might ask, “how”?
my answer to “how” is not going to sound typical, perhaps. but this is my “how”, and it still is. and it is the reason for this article, as I consider the many other things I want in life and how I have to totally unplug in order to get them. my “how” was spending all of my time with mySELF. my inner self. yes, I did the actual leg work — I got photos done, I submitted for jobs, I did my mass (snail mail) mailings, and I attended workshops with casting directors. but the real work, as far as I was concerned and am still concerned, came from BEING. being with myself. while hustling bit jobs (I did a lot of photo double work and stand-in work on TV shows, commercials and Films with all of the biggest stars), and working as many odd jobs on top of that as possible and renting out my tiny studio “living room”, I spent time at the river. alone. no texting. no relationships. no DISTRACTIONS. it was AMAZING. I went to my Alanon support meetings back then because I couldn’t afford therapy. I wrote. I spent time with my animal. and, the most important part of all…every morning, I sat with my cheap cup of coffee from the bodega across the street and got PRESENT. the coffee was not great. the pots were old and crusty. the cups were waxy and the wax would come off and make its way into my coffee. it tasted stale. it was 75 cents a cup. AND I LOVED IT. I would find this bench on the upper east side where I lived, and just SIT WITH THAT COFFEE. and I would hear myself. feel myself. I told myself that although I felt lazy not “doing” something (I am a Capricorn!), that this period of not “doing” something was worth more manifestation-wise than ANY action I could take. I got in touch with God (I don’t mean religion). I simply did what I always did when I wanted something “extra” in life — I listened to my core. it amazes me how many people can’t do it. or don’t want to. or, it just hasn’t occurred to, to do.
as I reflect upon those coffee mornings, which came on the heels of my big break just a couple years into the entertainment game, I see what I’ve always seen for myself: my ability to manifest by recharging alone. recharging with ME. gathering ME. not spreading myself and my energy all over the place. I manifested by being TOTALLY SOVEREIGN.
I need and require that time again, NOW. this is what the last couple of years have been teaching me. by nature, because of what I do, I actually enter the OPPOSITE space when I work with someone. and so, it’s like having ALL of someone else in my energy field. I sign up for it. I like it — because I know where I start and stop (I always have), and can really help people in a certain way. but I have to be very careful with my outside life, A) to be effective in my work with someone and B) to draw MORE work IN. my work with people is not ongoing — and perhaps there is another reason for it, other than the one I decided. the one I decided is so that someone does not develop a crutch — so that they learn what their own energy is and how they can’t just be “gifted” a remedy. they can make use of the lending energy and information that they are being given, but they have to learn self-reliance. or else they don’t heal. many people can’t heal because they are too codependent energetically. this is like being a full-time addict. the other reason, for my work not being ongoing, is that due to the nature of it I would never otherwise have a SELF. and the same can be said for socializing. before the early and mid 00s, I felt like I was more accessible to mySELF. after the text and insta-everything crazy, I have felt less accessible to myself. and I don’t like it. and I had to make the executive decision to reinstate my favorite mantra by Dr. Seuss: “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”. in a nutshell, real friends, people who know you, don’t ever question your “accessibility” or lack thereof. my best relationships are those in which I could message someone 5x (in the past, of course!) and not hear boo back at all, or for a month, and I didn’t care. and vice versa. when someone cares, this is where it is a disease. an addiction. the ultimate codependency in action. THE ULTIMATE DRAIN.
don’t text me. don’t message me for a quick hit. I won’t receive it anyhow. if you really need me, I have a work line listed. call me. and if you are calling me for help, schedule and pay for a session. I am not a permanent, imminent, eternal open help-line for anyone who needs something from me. if you are a friend, I don’t even have to iterate any of this. and if you are a client or hopeful client, then hopefully you have read and understand my protocol — which repeatedly states how I work, and why. it’s fool-proof…for a reason.
when we really want to connect with someone and they aren’t available, any sense of “loss” over that is not loss — it is addiction. we are a nation of addicts, thanks in large part to tech. take a step back. this article isn’t about making suggestions though, it’s just a share about what works for me, my own mistakes, and my own re/focus. if it resonates, then great!
as I continue to dive deep retroactively, into another time and space PRE-text, I see how QUICKLY I was able to manifest things. although I can not compare apples to oranges, for it was a different time, I can say that I am retrieving what I once had: 100% of my essence — at least, in the sense that I am describing it here. other things like unconscious trauma and ptsd and the past and all of that are totally separate notions and nuanced subjects. but for this message, here, it is worth noting how my personal manifestation power was 100X stronger before text messaging existed.
every time I go within and do an uncording, and for the purpose of this article let’s consider it a permanent or semi-permanent uncording with the idea of text messaging noted, my life changes. I can’t change my life while taking others with me — and being accessible, morning noon and night is taking others with me. I’ve noticed the drastic difference in my mood, my overall energy levels, and my…manifestation…the more that I am sovereign. when we recharge alone (it is worth noting, that in order to do this, we actually have to know who we ARE…and not be an active addict of ANY sort), we are at our most personally and naturally powerful. we can see our potential — versus the potential that we are either giving away to others, or confusing our karma / manifestation with someone else’s. things speed up when we re-focus. and the best way for me to do that is the way that it always worked for me, like in the old days — even before there were cell phones! and that way is by having all of what belongs to ME, accessible to ME. not dozens or even a few people.
I say it with all of the love in my heart: don’t text me. I promise, that you will see why, during this next while. I’m building something.
each of us has a particular area of our life in which we experience such consistent adversity (this could be health, work, romance, social or otherwise) that for us to imagine being on the “other side” of it almost feels too good to be true. and, when the possibility of a different reality than we are used to (a different reality would be a good reality) presents, we may run away from it initially. or, we may run away from it forever if we have not done the inner work to confront ourselves. we always run from that which resides super close to home — and all thought forms and patterns are extremely close to home. it’s why people can spend 40 years in therapy and get nowhere — the mind will hide from itself at all costs.
I’ve gone over and over and over — in my many other articles and books — how the mind and energetic body work in tandem to prevent a new thought form from forming. and while I will reiterate some of that in this post, some of what will be new is an anecdote or two which may be helpful or relatable.
in the early 00s, I met a young man who, archetypally, was my perfect match. I remember calling my closest people and telling them that I had met my husband. and I believe, to this day, that had certain shadows of self been confronted by him, that we would be a unit. but to quickly digress here, I understand and know that it was not fated/destined. fate and destiny are never, ever destroyed. on the way there though, lots of things get destroyed and for good reason — to teach us. at any rate, one might say that our initial encounter was seemingly fated. we actually met before we met in person (no, it wasn’t online dating) — as in I knew who he was and kept seeing his picture — and when we met in person by chance, we spoke for many hours nearly without breath. the romance was glorious, fast and furious. if there were ever to be a knowing within me, that was the knowing. I recall as we spent nearly a full week together without leaving the house, something he said to me that would stick with me forever though mostly in the back of my mind. as I was giggling away one afternoon he just stared at me. and then he said “I can see why someone would never let you go, and also why someone would be so afraid to be your boyfriend”. at the time, I really didn’t get it. as fate would have it, he broke my heart as I found out that we met while he was actually in another relationship in another city but for some crazy reason he thought he would get sucked into the vortex that was me. and I knew that my number one requirement in any relationship was trust so that no matter how intensely I felt for him, that “we” could never ever exist again on this human plane. but it was his words on that one afternoon that kept moving through me for years to come.
his father was a notorious womanizer and drug Lord. although the young man was and is, I believe, fundamentally different, the marks and patterning that were all around him and therefore WITHIN him during his most formative years and well, prevalent in his / perceived survival from his first breath, were no match for his intrinsic self. his intrinsic self took a backseat to his beliefs and, as I predicted exactly at the time of my heartbreak, HE NEVER CHANGED THEM. the difficulty for me, which is something that I cover in many sessions, was seeing his potential. and let me be real. I believe in reality not potential. but…I see potential. perhaps as strongly or more so than anyone who has ever walked this planet. it’s the bane of my work and how so many “overnight turnarounds” happen. they happen because I see potential. and they happen because I can discern potential from reality a mile away — and also teach it. so something really fortunate occurred for me at a young age. I knew what choices someone would make for the rest of their life. and I knew that no matter how perfect this young man could POTENTIALLY be, that he would never be it because of that one choice he made when fate decided to give us an experience. one of the ways that I realize now in retrospect that I was being communicated with resided within his comment that never left me and only got louder over time.
his comment was stacked with information about how he saw the world. in all of our mutual glory as we coexisted in our 3-4 month whirlwind out of this world romance and intellectual explosion, he was telling me that he could not take a risk to experience his potential. he was telling me that he was just like his father. he was telling me how scary it would have been to live another reality. and while I may not have deciphered that via “the comment”, I certainly deciphered it based on the simple truths and hard-to-digest actions on his part. but let me go to the in retrospect understanding of “the comment”.
after treating thousands of individuals at their deepest core resonances, one thing I know is that to change one’s reality is really one in a few million. as in, it’s so scary to the mind to accept new realities after it has been conditioned (for better or for worse — but inflexible conditioning is ALWAYS THE WORST and we see this all around us societally now) that almost no one is able to do it. there is a reason that, for example, extremely “intelligent” people return time and time and time again to abuse — in more ways than one. it’s not that they aren’t smart, and in many cases it’s because they are smart. so my experience, in aiding someone else to literally have a new experience that may seem “too good to be true” is the entire enchilada. and I know what makes people able and not able to do it. and so after all of these years of doing the work that I do, I think about comments like that of one of my loves of my life. comments that years later reveal so much more than what they revealed at the time they were said.
at the time of the end of this particular relationship — which ended because I was shocked to find an ugly truth and so I ended it — I grappled with “why”. that’s where heartbreak comes from, right? it’s the “why” that plagues us. this relationship certainly plagued me with wondering “why”, when everything aside from the ugly truth (which by the way also IS EVERYTHING) was so…perfect. what a waste, I thought. and what a disappointment, I felt, because no matter what this person said or did (and they said and did a lot — as of just a few years ago they were contacting me!), that ship had sailed. and when it sailed, I had some choice words for this person. I still have those words. they spelled out exactly what this person would do in the category of relationships for the rest of their life. and they did exactly that. prophetic? nah, I was just seeing truth. like I always do. for me, it was natural. I saw where things would go and how separate from my life this person’s issues were. I never questioned for a moment whether I was right or not, because it extended beyond believing. it’s why I didn’t try and get married in my 20s – the right person wasn’t there yet. I understood that listening to God’s (I’m not talking religion) plan is more important than my own plan, and that because I am in tune (aka honest) with myself, I will know when my ship comes in. I knew that this particular ship had sailed and for good reason. I just didn’t know why…
I hurt over that relationship for many years. it would be a decade before I would come close to that level of “match”. I tried so hard to reconcile the “why”, and I was grateful that I didn’t allow biology to drag me through a divorce in order to satisfy my need to know “why”. and in time, through the grace and experience with Healing Elaine® work, I began to hear his comment differently.
his comment, paired with his actions, were everything. as I revisited our time and place together, it was like watching an old movie again but for the first time. replaying that moment in my mind and heart, I “heard” him through that comment. he was saying so loudly to me, “I’m scared. I will always be scared. I talk more than I walk. I can’t be your partner I don’t know how. I am afraid of you because you represent goodness. I see our potential and I can’t change my unconscious patterning because it is so ingrained. my entire identity is wrapped up in that of my father, whom I admire. my mother will always take care of me. I can take care of women. but I can’t. I just don’t believe in my own intrinsic self. you are goodness. you are too good for me. I am not goodness, at least not in the way that I say I am. I am telling you who I am so that you don’t marry me and regret the next twenty years of your life. I’m telling you who I am right now. I don’t believe I can change. and I don’t believe this because you scare me. what is good for me scares me and it always will”. I began to hear the real dialogue, so many years later, after I had begun to understand my own self worth and value. when people say “it’s not you it’s me” in a sense or so, they are usually telling you the truth. my love interest didn’t say that exactly, but he did in more cryptic terms. as they say, people tell you who they are all of the time if you are really listening. part of me was listening that day, thankfully. and the rest of me that could hear my own value in new ways years later, listened and listens.
when a new reality that opposes the past but yet MATCHES us on an intrinsic level presents itself to us, we run. again — although we are supposedly all wired with the ability to change patterns, so few of us do. and yes there are reasons for that which are an entirely different blog post. and in this case, despite the incredible and actual potential of this person I was with, I saw the soul’s lazy choice not to level up and match their potential. and, to a degree, I understood this — because I suffered from that as well, just more so in other categories of my life. for some reason, and most peculiarly, I was always able to let go and fully experience all joy that there was to experience in a romantic partnership (assuming that, in that partnership, there was in fact joy! I chose more than one that was totally…joyless). this rendezvous was no different. I enjoyed experiencing every part of myself in it. it was in other or perhaps simply more nuanced areas of my life, that I struggled with embracing something “new”. something too good to be true.
for example when I left my childhood city and home I was terrified of good things and I was terrified of succeeding. like, AT ALL. that would have meant I was sovereign or entitled to myself on some level, which I had NEVER felt before and worked years to understand and achieve. so, I “got” where this young man who made the comment was coming from, to a degree. and now I understand more full-circle my ability to peg someone’s (usually anyone’s) free will decision to change or not versus live in “hope” or delusion. on a strictly energetic level back then, I knew and it’s why I wrote it down. I just finally came full circle with how I knew — as it was paired with experience via HE™ as well as my own fate and destiny. the “why” of that event was something I was able to heal, and also something that fascinated me in terms of karma and destiny since this young man was one of the most incredible people I had ever met — at least, the potential that he truly walked with was (do not confuse actual potential with psychic potential – big difference and you can reference my eBooklet 2 for more on that notion).
as the scope of limitless potentials and domains would have it, I came across another version of this young man exactly eleven years later (and within a week of meeting this young man, young man number one had reached out to reconnect — uncanny). he was the same age as myself and my prior love interest, in the early 00s. he had the same birthmark on his face as this man. he had the same haircut as this man. he was exactly the same height. their voices sounded the same. they started the same occupations/trades fresh out of college. and, young man number two had ALL of the same characteristics as the first man intellectually, spiritually, and otherwise. varying only slightly was his trauma and committed-to patterning that would hold him back (forever). and it was the same sort of meeting/coming together. I met this person in the light of day and he looked at me like he knew me forever. the first words out of his mouth in my direction were that he knew what I did for work. he could literally “see” me. we talked for like five or six straight hours following that very first encounter. and the next night we talked for about eight, again in person. I held back from diving into the dreamland that I dove into with Romeo from the early 00s, because something told me to. and by our third date, I knew why. as we sat in a historic bar and sipped on Manhattans, he got that look over his face that I had seen only once before. he looked…vulnerable. raw. open. and then he said it: “I’m afraid that this is a trick”. he was holding my hand like he was holding onto dear life. our conversation and connection not only mimicked that of my early 00s experience, but it actually went even deeper. after all, it was a different time. even if he was twelve years younger than me. I was back with that other experience, and this time I heard what he was saying loud and clear. he was saying “I have trauma that I am afraid of. you represent the opposite of that trauma. I am too scared, particularly due to our connection, to stay with you. I will hurt you. maybe not today, but soon. don’t get too close to me. I can’t be who I am supposed to be in this life. I want to be but I just won’t.” and while I didn’t run away at that moment, I proceeded super super slow and with caution. I didn’t want to give any of myself away because within me I just “knew” better. I HEARD him. I heard him in a way that my intellect was eclipsed a little over ten years prior. then I heard the first comment and the young man who made it, again. “thank you”, I thought. but, as I was the first time, I became incredibly confused. I was confused because I wasn’t certain of his trauma, and what refused his mind from changing to a new reality.
everything about embracing a new reality is life or death to the physical human system. it just is. and when we have been violated, it’s nearly impossible. BUT. it does happen. if we are honest, and if we are courageous. otherwise no way and we repeat the same patterns forever. the younger we are, the easier it is to change. many of us never do. like the young man from the early 00s, and like the one I met ten-plus years later. the second young man hurt as much, but differently, than the first young man. perhaps it was mixed up with the first hurt and that was why. or perhaps it was because there was much more depth to the trauma of the second young man, and something even my own mind didn’t want to consider or process — for him, or for myself and my own life betrayals on the most foundational of levels. either way, I listened this time. I observed and I tried to be just friends with this young man. but I couldn’t do it, it was too painful. I told myself that I would do exposure therapy on myself with him because I needed to figure out what it was that was so triggering and difficult. I did my best. but all I saw was the unused potential. it burned like a stake in my heart. I didn’t want to keep doing the exposure therapy, and most of all I didn’t want to expose myself to wasted potential. and that is what he was. and I vowed to wait again, until my heart sang in that very way as it did with him and the young man from the early 00s before I pulled the romance trigger. I knew that testing fate was wrong, and I knew that I was being tested to develop faith. something we so so lack as individuals and as a collective.
developing faith has always been my best navigation tool and it has come with heaps of rewards. faith is perhaps the only cure for not allowing our reality to shift due to our algorithmic programming. but faith is not laying out in instruction manuals all over creation. faith is specific. both of the men I met lacked faith. and so they lacked a whole bunch else. faith is the first step to not being a controlling person, controlled by the unconscious. and I saw how faith presented me new realities that the people I had loved so, so much, missed out on.
my therapist recently referred to a cliff that one had no choice but to walk off of. and when they did, they found a walkway. that is what I feel faith is. I always took the leaps of faith, but it scared me to death. in my mind and heart, nothing could ever be as bad as it once was for me, when I literally did have no control over my life because my life was on the line if I were to consider being sovereign. perhaps that level of adversity is what was required to take a back seat to faith. when we walk off the cliff, we have not jumped — we have finally walked without expecting to jump/fall. this is where faith and a NEW REALITY intersect.
when faith and a new reality intersect, we do not talk about being afraid anymore. all of the fear has been pitted away in tragedy and disappointment. how lucky might we be, to experience such specific patterning to the degree that there is no fear left in that domain of our life? again — health, personal, and so on in terms of patterning. at the end of the day, our external and physical life is always an extension of our deepest core beliefs and patterning. and when a new reality presents, the notion of “this must be a trick” is a subtle feeling, but not an over thought or comment.
this is a step beyond “making it out of trauma”. or, it is a step beyond what is our current reality and then we process the trauma later because the profound paranoia or fear of it being a trick is not triggered. either way, the idea that it is too good to be true is there but it is subtle. quiet. like a one hit wonder song that plays quietly in the background. when it is subtle but it does not get in the way, it is no longer a fear. it is a new reality for us, waiting in the wings. I suppose that each of the young men that I talk about here were not close to their new realities and I don’t see either of them ever being so. it’s not much of an opinion of mine, but rather an intuition. I had so wished for them, to have their new realities: trust, love, and full experience of themselves on all levels.
recently I found myself on the other side of “this must be a trick” thinking, in one domain of my life. I realized how much this area of my life had in common with the young men as far as their romantic life was concerned. there was a period of time in which “this must be a trick” came up for me repeatedly, and held me back. and I vowed to never be held back in the way that I saw those young men reject their potential. because at the end of the day, it was all the same thing. we were each and all doing the same thing but just in different ways. and when I made it to the other side of “this must be a trick”, there was the subtle thought but zero fear. and I mean, zero. I spoke differently about what was once a fear, aka old reality. and that is how I knew it had changed, that my new reality was here, and that it was not a trick.
jumping realities aka profoundly healing the unconscious is so rare. it’s why we are so politically divided at the moment. we are addicted to “what we know to be true”. it’s so amusing and also exhausting for me to watch. but we are heading into a new territory via time and space which supports and also commands in a new reality, so it will be interesting to see who progresses and who regresses because the oil and water is for sure.
“it’s too good to be true – it must be a trick” feeling and speaking…pay attention to what people say. it has so much information. and if you can not understand it at the time, wait…the answers will surely come as you connect more to your own truth. and in doing so, you will know who is afraid — who is in another reality — and who is not. most importantly, you.
special thanks to my holiday hair wizard, Yannhou, pictured here beside me
this offer is inspired by a special young woman I met earlier this year.
for December only, I will offer something that I have never done before: ONE HOUR sessions. these are available to former patients only, and if you keep up with my materials you will likely understand why (it takes me roughly 20 hours minimum to fully explain and process someone’s life crisis or crises and help them integrate all of the moving pieces associated with understanding such – hence, making radical shifts. doing just one hour with someone I have never met is not only not reflective of my work, but it would likely be jarring for them in a way that they did not expect nor understand and it would take away from all of the reasons that I do this work in the first place. this, is why I have NEVER been able to do just one hour with anyone new, not even 10 years ago. there is just too much to explain).
the format for this is obviously different, but you can prepare all the same as it will “hit” you the same way (both before and after the session) as a longer and more intensive session would. you know this because we already worked together. for example; I go to therapy weekly. I believe that the being of my therapist is far more than “just” a therapist. he has a special energy, and I can FEEL it the night before we meet for our ONE HOUR session. it then reverberates for days, as I go over the notes that I took during our work together. one might say that he, too, has inspired this brief offer I am putting out for the month of December, because my number one concern used to be “am I giving enough?” to each person I saw. in many ways, this man has reflected back all that I give…just by being who HE is. it is through my own therapy work with him, that I began to more fully understand not only my gifts, but HOW it is that what people have said about me could be true…in other words, I have been able to see how transformative just one hour can be in the presence of a certain individual. it has taken me a long time to fully understand my core value (for reasons expressed ALL throughout this blog!), and how that value corresponds to my work with others. I no longer feel “maybe I didn’t give enough”. and from that important transcendence, here we are for December!
keep in mind that we will be on a clock. it will truly be just one hour. you may spend that hour with me however you like.
in addition, another reason that I am offering this is because I now have my shooting schedule for the TV Series I have created. I will send out a separate update about that. the brief is, I wrote a series about two years ago (when my world began crumbling down, yet again), based off of the six eBooklets that I wrote in 2015. a lot has transpired in the last two years. it is now ready for liftoff. in terms of specifics/logistics, capital/funding will be complete and we will finish shooting the series (six episodes) and sell it to the likes of HBO or an equivalent or better if it exists. with that said, I will be truly shifting gears for a time to focus on my media (I am writing my first big book, and have other creative projects in the wheelhouse). as I have stated continuously over the past two years, the days of me seeing multiple people per day or week, and now even per month, have certainly ended (for MANY reasons! not just my own evolution, but then again all outside events correlate to our personal evolution). I can’t believe the way that I used to work (sometimes 100 hour weeks!), but I loved every minute of it and that work and time during my life is a huge inspiration for the series. with all of this in mind, I will be excited to see familiar faces and rub hearts in person — beyond that, I have big plans! which I hope you will be part of, and will keep you updated on.
and on THAT note, please subscribe to the subscription link on the home page on the far upper right corner. I lost most of my subscription list, and I don’t pull mailing lists from my former email (also, do not email me! read my former posts to stay updated on that front), nor do I want to spam people each week with updates that they did not sign up for. although I have THOUSANDS of emails in my possession, my work is not about the business of sales or promotion — it is about the business of attraction. so, the only way you will know what is going on is if you sign up for the newsletter (be sure to check your spam! because it WILL go there), or consistently check my social media pages (all of them, in case one of them “gets deleted”). you may also follow my Instagram here.
to schedule a ONE HOUR session with me, call 917-985-1221 and leave a voicemail stating such. this is for December ONLY, and for former patients only. I can’t wait to reconnect with you this holiday season!
“you’re scattered”; “you need to choose one vocation”; “pick a focus”…I used to hear these things ALL OF THE TIME. in my 20s. except, I knew deep within me something that THEY did not know: I was building my multi-faceted future and the road to MY destiny, by…being multi-faceted and living MY life, MY way. this is how it should be. we should each find out, who WE are, not who THEY tell us to be.
when I was 18 months, I climbed up a ladder on the side of my house and launched myself over the top onto the roof. I also used to hurl myself over my crib bars to escape it. so, perhaps it’s in my soul’s blood to venture out like a Maverick. but, you don’t have to be a so-called Maverick or pioneer-type to understand that EVERYTHING you are doing and going through now is preparing you for where you want (when I say want, I speak to the AUTHENTIC you on a deep and honest psychological and spiritual level) to be.
I used to hit 2-4 year periods of “ceiling”. meaning, I would focus on something for a period of time, get bored, and move on to the next thing. this never meant that I was abandoning those things/skills/experiences that I got “bored” with and moved on from — in fact, it was quite the opposite – I was filing my experiences and interests into a folder that would later be part of the book of my life. however, each time I was “done” with something (it might have been a job, or a relationship, or an interest), I would hear the riot act from many people around me. people who didn’t understand. people who were jealous of my tenacity. people who both didn’t understand AND were jealous. and so, in order to KEEP MOVING and hearing myself, I had to do one thing and one thing only: abandon ego. I had to be willing to be criticized, and stand in the face of it and feel the shame or guilt or whatever emotions came up each time I was told by people/society/whomever that I was “wrong”, for being who I was/am.
when we abandon ego, we grow. ego holds us back. it wants to and, in fact, needs to so that we may “survive”, according to the timelessness of the ego which doesn’t know whether we are 9 years old or 40 years old because the ego doesn’t work in a linear fashion. so each time I hit the skids, seemingly, and so to speak, in my life, I had to abandon ego. and it felt like a death each time. and each time I did it, I held true to knowing that all of my mini-deaths were part of a much larger focus –and that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I knew that the flash-in-a-pan successes of “famous” or “successful” people were usually just that: flashes. I never desired something temporary, because I am not an addict in terms of short-term highs. I prefer the long, solid, unflappable highs — which really aren’t highs at all. and in this way, in this part of my life, I am the opposite of an addict. the way I see it, life, the meaning of it, we are all destined to move as FAR AWAY from addict behavior (in any and all categories of our life!) as possible, and that is the meaning of life.
the fact is, we are all multi-faceted. when we are constricted, we suffer (notably, physically). when we don’t listen to our own SELF, we suffer. we do this because we care what other people think. I wrote a whole article about that here. you should stop caring, as much as possible, about what other people have to say about YOUR life. and when you do, EVERYTHING that you have been doing — the “mistakes”, the “disappointments” that you have “suffered” because you “did it wrong” — will reveal themselves to you to be the very THREAD of your soul, being woven to show you your bigger picture. for example…
my first job (I won’t count babysitting from the time I was 10 on – ) at age 15 was working at an ice cream parlor. my second, of many hospitality jobs to come, was working as a hostess and waitress. I also worked at a snack bar flipping burgers. I did every kind of hospitality job there was, for many years, and as well in between “real” jobs. what is a real job anyway? going to a place to promote someone else’s dream and make them successful? sure. ALL “jobs” are really equal — and most people don’t know why they are doing them or who they are doing them for — unless they are doing the job for THEMSELVES. when you can do a job (ANY job) for yourself, you are living in integrity and actually able to GIVE something back to society. because you care about the xyz thing or job. but back to my first job. one might say, “what does hospitality have to do with anything else you have done? wasn’t that a waste of time?” – to which I would say no. I would also say that working in corporate finance was not a waste of time. nor was selling overnight shipping to C-Suites (only). why were these things not a waste of time?: they factor into EVERYTHING that I do today. while working in hospitality, I had to get to know all different kinds of people and statuses and understand how they responded to their own needs. while working in a corporate environment in finance, I had to learn how part of the WORLD worked – I had big accounts poached from me by my actual BOSSES, and I saw the seedy, competitive, shrewd side of business and masculine energy at play…and I noted how many of these masculine energies were jealous of me because I had that similar masculine energy but I was wearing a skirt, or whatever. I had to learn while selling overnight shipping, exactly how to gage the intonation of a voice over the phone and what that meant when I had only 15 seconds to pitch a top executive (C-Suites only! company rule!) and get them to meet with me face-to-face. I had to understand why the ONLY person to EVER approach for anything in life, is the end decision maker. because no one else CARES. no one. all of these things that I learned, developed my understanding of people in the real world, not the “psychic” world. and I needed, very much, the tangible and intangible understandings that resided in my heart and mind to blend so that I could successfully understand and help other people. helping people has forever been my goal – desire – purpose.
the thing is, though, I doubted myself at times. I worried that maybe I WAS what I heard other people say to me, about me; maybe I was scattered, maybe I was lost, and maybe I was (gasp)…non-committal. but, I knew better deep inside and I would keep going anyhow. yet the doubt hurt and it slowed me down longer than I wish I had been slowed down. this article is in large part about that — the doubt that comes in, when you are just being who you are. and the thing is, it is healthy to doubt because we can re-assess where we are and how to do it better. but, it’s not necessary to linger for longer than that healthy purpose. and people who live in fear, who are afraid to pursue their dreams, will make you doubt yourself. you can’t listen. and, it can be hard to know what is doubt and what is reality…
the way to know the difference between doubt and reality is one way and I said it earlier: check your ego. who are you doing things for, and why? who are you appeasing? who are you trying to fit in for? if you can answer those questions, AND still go your own way, you can temporarily kill your ego and keep it in check. doubt is healthy and it washes over us as a feeling. reality — that we are actually doing something wrong — is when we are doing something strictly for outside praise, OR when we really DON’T feel like committing to anything and so we change jobs or interests at the drop of a hat in order to avoid ourselves. again, the key ingredient to know the difference is your ego death. if you are willing to go through the range of feelings that accompany an ego death and face them head on, it is likely that you are just in doubt. if you are not willing to go through the above, then there may be a reality to your doubt that has to do with your unconscious mind and patterns and not a healthy ego death. THAT notion is an entirely different article, BUT, if you are self-aware you can switch gears and then it is all the same anyhow…you are working toward everything that you were designed to be, once you surrender.
when I jumped away from corporate, I really had a death. I felt like a loser. I felt like I pissed away a 5-star education and my degrees. this is in part because I was “listening” to society by observing those around me. the people who just did their jobs, met their spouses at a happy hour, and moved to NJ to have kids. now, if I’m being really honest with myself, I WISH I could have that life. it would be so much more level (stable?) than the one my soul chose. there have been many, many times I have asked God to please let me just live a normal life. but I know what I’m made of – and I can’t change how I am made. and so I watched many of my friends go the conventional path while I wondered if there was something wrong with me, and if I was royally messing up my life. and, simultaneously to all of that concern I had, ironically and paradoxically, I ALSO DID NOT CARE. because I could hear my soul. not caring does not take away doubt and worry, though. and, as I say over and over again, there is never EVER any “better” path for any one person. if your destiny is to have an amazing family and work at the DMW your entire life then THAT IS A LIFE AND A DESTINY and a VALUABLE ONE – because the only part of living that ever matters is our ALIGNMENT (when thoughts = feelings = words = actions!). but aligned people know that. I know folks who work very “menial” jobs and they are SO HAPPY. because they are in alignment, and they get it that there is no such thing as “more important purpose” as it relates to one person or the next and their “outer world success”. all things are relative, and the only important thing is whether we are aligned or not. truly.
so in the above example, jumping from corporate, I felt like I was in no-man’s land probably for about a month. looking back, that is a REALLY brief time as compared to other jumps and subsequent dark periods I had, when honoring my path. and, like the other times during which I “jumped”, I wondered and worried if anything I had done in the past would relate to my future or if it was all just a waste. well: nothing was a waste.
in between film and tv jobs I worked MANY other jobs. and during that period of my life, the tv and film days, I also mistakenly thought “ok, this is it, this is my identity, I must focus ONLY on this now”…which was so not true. because we are never our job or our outer-world identity. and like all of the other times when I was either “forced” to jump, or my reality was ripped away from me, so then was my focused period of time on tv and film. and this is because I “HAD” to publicly set up Healing Elaine® and see that to fruition and “completion”. again, I felt scared, that one thing had entirely nothing to do with the next, and my now-4 careers absolutely would not blend. it is also important to note, that again, that feeling was just my ego. or I never would have kept facing it then jumping. and so I moved through that awful feeling of giving birth to myself (again) and dealt with the same push-back I always had from others who told me “I thought you were an actress, though?”. sure, I was an actress. I was also a hamburger-flipper. and a waitress. and an account executive. and…a person. I just chose to surrender to all that I was inside, because THAT was my calling. again, I didn’t consciously want to be made “this” way. but we are how and who we are, and it is all for a REASON…and it doesn’t matter what the path “looks” like. I then realized that YES OF COURSE, my career in corporate AND my career in tv and film in front of and behind the camera OBVIOUSLY line up with everything I did with Healing Elaine®! because without HE™, I would have no message. and without a message, all of my work with corporate and tv and film would mean…nothing to me as far as my bigger purpose was concerned.
I’ve mentioned that The Alchemist is my favorite book. it’s a lot of people’s favorite book, probably. and it is a genius book that I read in 2005 and again this year (and wrote a little instagram post about) — at which point it took on an entirely new meaning. and the point of the book is similar to the long-winded point I am making here: everything that you desire, from the perspective of integrity and ego death and learning, is preparing you for what you will become/already are. who you are is timeless, and it doesn’t matter WHAT that looks like on the surface. we never know God’s exact strategy in a timeline form, and it is not up to us to decipher. exerting that kind of control and demand onto the Universe is not the best way to go, and that is why so many people suffer. I’ve suffered in this way, during my transitions between one “career” and the next. and when I look back on EVERYTHING that I have done, it is ALL CONNECTED. had I listened to what anyone else had to say about my path, I wouldn’t be here. I would be stuck. and so it was worth all of the horrible feelings I had to contend with during my “leaps”. during the times that close friends, best friends, even, shamed me for my choices because they didn’t understand. the times that no one would support me or lend a hand because they said I was “irresponsible”. all of the horrible parts of my transitions were worth it. and so are yours…
you may be thinking “Elaine, I’ve been at the same job for 20 years, I can’t relate to anything you are saying”…well, sure you can. think about the last 20 years. time is IRRELEVANT here. what IS relevant, is where it has lead you. it has lead you somewhere. perhaps that somewhere is a conclusion. perhaps it is the understanding that you are very content and therefore exactly where your soul wants you to be. and if you are not happy, it has lead you to understanding that, so that you may LEAP and ONLY THENunderstand the last 20 years of your life! it is really all simple, and perfect. and the point is, you can’t get it wrong!
make an outline of your life. all of the choices, jobs, and relationships. write them down. connect the earlier parts to the present tense parts, and then imagine that all of that is leading to something that you can not yet see, because you didn’t yet leap in some way (unconsciously). leaping does not have to mean leaving a job or making a tangible change. leaping can simply be a state of mind, a willingness to admit ego defeat, or something else within the confines of your mind. that leap, which is a surrender and realization, maps out your next steps. how magnificent is that? and if you are honest with yourself, you will understand it all. if you are not honest with yourself, you will remain confused. honesty or lack thereof produces karma. there is no way around that. and in either case, we are exactly where we are destined to be. let go of guilt.
I think of the deep, isolating feelings of personal death around my “identity” and how long some of those periods lasted. I wrote an article about these periods here — it’s long and worth a read. if you are confused about what “it” is, that is your long-winded transition, I also wrote about destiny and stagnation here. I imagine that all of us have (these) periods, during which we self-question. and what I want to share and convey is the fact that you can’t get “it” wrong. stop comparing your life to anyone else’s. NONE OF IT MATTERS. you probably would NEVER trade the relative facts anyhow, to be in “someone else’s shoes”! understanding that there is no external choice you can make that will alter your reality is important – it always has to be contended with on the inner level, and thoroughly, first, to count. if you are in your 20s and you wonder “what you are doing”, know that if you honor yourself, it remains to be seen. if you are in your 60s and you wonder “what have I done”, know that if you honor yourself now, it remains to be revealedand you will have peace. you can’t make a wrong decision in life, no matter what your life has looked life. yesterday already happened, and tomorrow doesn’t exist. really think about that concept.
find a way to work with both your inner and outer realities, and find common ground between the two. everything that you are doing (outer) and going through (inner) now is preparing you for where you want to be, whether you are 20 or 80.
the world is run on numbers and numerical quotients. letters of the alphabet have numerical values. everything that we do factors into mathematics, and mathematics factors into everything that we do. there is a symbiotic relationship between our tangible human footprint, and dates and times. I talk a little bit about my viewpoint/understanding of the above in other posts, and during sessions. long story short, the way I see it and have experienced it, there is certain and particular opportunity or “openness” on certain dates — and it can be advantageous to work with said available energy.
the above dates are special dates (specific numerical patterns, that designate alignment — and, remember, that alignment can “look” both positive AND negative, depending upon what is being looked at and who is doing the looking) that I will focus upon as far as looking at scheduling pop-up sessions this month for former patients. these pop-up sessions are abbreviated luxury sessions, and you will stay overnight in our designated workspace.
leave a voicemail on the business line at 917-985-1221 to book a November pop-up session.
p.s. since brrrrrrrrrr it’s starting to get chilly out, I had to break out the faux fur winter hats! the hat in this photo is by Pandemonium in Seattle, in case you are also a hat lady/gent and want to take a gander at their collection.
p.p.s. I am still having major newsletter issues. people are either 1) not receiving the newsletter 2) it’s going to spam 3) the new blog posts/newsletters are not being sent at all to subscribers. please bear with me – if you can subscribe (AGAIN) on my home page, and check to see if you get an email when I make a new post (check spam and un-mark accordingly), that would be helpful to stay updated. I spoke with a former patient today and she said “I have not gotten a post from you in 2 years and I was subscribed for a number of years prior”. honestly, I can’t explain any of this. from the website theft 2.5 years go, to other issues which I am investigating, it could be a number of things. I have worked with ample tech experts (am still working on it) and for whatever reasons, there are issues here. I hope to have things back to normal like the old days, when I would just hit “publish” and everyone I have worked with got my latest update. thank you for being patient, and please check my Healing Elaine® social media as well for new updates!
this is a notice to former patients — all of my contact info has changed. I no longer email or reply from my former email address, and my new business phone number for phone calls and voicemails only is 917-985-1221. do not email me.
please subscribe to my newsletter on my Home page here (please note that my newsletter subscription is still having some technical difficulties, so please check back within the next week to see that you are able to enter your email address and receive a confirmation link to your email to authorize new articles sent your way via Healing Elaine®/healingelaine.com – you may also need to double-check from time-to-time that the emails are not going to spam boxes) to receive new updates. you may also follow my social media, as many of my updates are on my Instagram, Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as my LinkedIn company page. I also use Medium, and all of the above social media icons are located throughout my website.
please read my entire About section if you are new to my website and curious about my services and protocol. again, if you are a former patient, please re-familiarize yourself with my website and About and Services sections.
if we worked together a long time ago, please be cognizant of the fact that I can not possibly do pro bono work and “quick advice” for hundreds of people just because they have a “quick question” months and years later — this is not only unreasonable, but impossible. please read all of my updates – my work and format has changed, as I have stated many times throughout the last few years.
I am excited for the broader ways in which I might be able to serve and work with many people at the same time. I am also excited to include former patients in my (said) upcoming events and ideas, in any and all ways possible. you are amazing. stay tuned!
I’m on a little bit of a big tech / AI kick if you can’t tell from my yesterday’s article here. the interesting part about that article is this. I woke up earlier than usual and SHOT out of bed with the healthy impulse to write that article before noon. typically yes I get inspired, even excited to write something that I am passionate about, but yesterday felt different. I was jolted, physically. THEN, after writing my article, I take a peek at my little social media apps — and see all over the “news” that Joe Rogan had dropped his Ed Snowden interview here, and that Mark Zuckerberg was testifying live before congress! I guess it (yesterday) was a day for disclosure of some sorts. I know there will be more, and more, and more…to come. across the board. GET READY.
when I say GET READY, what I really mean, in the kindest, simplest and most straightforward terms possible is: get conscious. no, I’m not talking about vaping out at a “spiritual retreat” or venturing into foreign lands to become “awakened”; the truth is, if you can’t awaken in your ordinary life, then you simply won’t awaken. tools such as the above that I jab at are merely…tools. they aren’t the THING. there are so many misconceptions about healing and consciousness, it is just incredible. that is why I write this blog.
so getting conscious. and again, what does that have to do with AI? first of all, getting conscious will prepare you for the truth. the truth, to you, may mean one thing right now. but when you are conscious, it will mean something ENTIRELY different. no, your personal moral compass will not change. just your awareness. I’ll get back to AI in a minute.
getting conscious can be provoked by doing a number of things — again, I list so many of them in my blog here. in the most basic ways, getting conscious can be set the tone for by things like plenty of sleep (and I mean PLENTY), plenty of water, very healthy foods, and exercise. that sounds like a total cliche but you would not believe how many people bypass the (above) absolute basics to even prep their mind to receive anything clean. and, whatever is sitting there (IN THE MIND), WILL multiply — whether it is good or not, and whether it is bad or not. if you can master the basics, there are of course other ways that you can grease your consciousness portal for clean delivery. unplug and be alone. I mean it. does it hurt to be alone? emotionally? psychologically? physically? without ANY electronic devices? well then, good. go and detox from one or both (preferably both) and FEEL those chemicals coming out. so many people can not do this. they are addicted to people and devices. and how in the FLOCK do you expect to get ANY true guidance, in this state? and if you can master the latter, in addition to the basics, then you can still take it further. I’ll let you pontificate on what would be right for you, because I will tell you that what is right for you (BEYOND AND AFTER all of the above, first) is whatever is the most exciting for you. yep. whatever most pleases you. maybe it’s creative. maybe it’s not. but probably creativity fuels it whether you recognize it as such, or not. and it is ONLY after we are clean portals can we ACTUALLY go and do what we enjoy, and be certain that it is not a bandaid or a drug that we are using to cover up the pain of the basics that we can’t master because we are actually addicts. (PS: everyone is an addict. in some way. to some thing. it’s just a matter of what, when, how, why, and coming to terms with such).
if and once you have some truth flowing through you — from YOUR CORE (and remember: this is NOT about making certain people, or certain GROUPS of people, right or wrong! if you are conscious, you are entitled to YOUR truth, and so is someone else! it is AMAZING to me that many people actually call themselves progressive and they are the most judgemental, ignorant flocks breathing!) — begin to note WHAT IS YOURS AND WHAT IS NOT. this is VERY hard to do. this is what I get paid to teach people. but, it can happen. if and when we are awake. there are subtleties that turn into major states of being. the trick is in identifying the subtleties. for example, when you wake up in the morning and have a disturbing foreign thought or feeling and you can not place it. well, how about how did it get there? if you are CONSCIOUS, you can take inventory and find out. and if you are conscious, you can figure out what devices were placed next to your head while you slept. or what messages you sent late at night before bed or what messages came in upon waking that you don’t even know you have, but that are SITTING IN YOUR LITTLE MAGICAL DEVICE. the messages, that are sitting in your little device, HAVE ALREADY BEEN DELIVERED TO YOU. your consciousness is synced to your devices. don’t believe me? try and do all of the above — spend time cleaning your antenna. get super, super clear. hear truth. THEN, compare that truth with foreign feelings. assuming you are not regressing into post-trauma (you should be in therapy for this! I don’t care if you can’t afford it — I used ALANON and similar support groups for years when I could not afford therapy! and now, I pay for therapy instead of owning a home!), you will be able to spot AI interference in your life. the drama, the lies, and the negativity that the little devices we wear and touch all day are designed to deliver straight through our consciousness and into our hearts. to continue, to divide and conquer us. it’s worked so far, hasn’t it?
are you able to have a conversation with someone totally different than you, who thinks looks and acts totally differently from you? no? then go do some work on yourself. it is not normal or healthy to surround yourself with ONLY people who think look and act like you. I look at my entire patient base — they could not be more “different”, in the outer world, each one of them; BUT, they are ALL THE SAME. they are all able to sit and converse, pleasantly disagree and agree to disagree on outer world matters, and still LOVE each other. we have just about NO adult examples of this on social media (where most people, and most young people, get their “news”). and it is dangerous. but it is AGENDA. the outrage that resides in people…where does that come from? sure, we catalog and “box” people because it makes us feel safe, when we do not know better…but AI (read my previous post to understand more) actually preys on and plays on our said human vulnerabilities. we do not have to allow this to be the case anymore.
if you are really evolved, and really invested in the things that you say you are invested in, then you should be able to, as let’s say for example a far right person to, go to a far left event and listen (NOT to change your mind, just to see if you can sit there and tolerate it and see the humanity in people). and if you are for example a far left person then you should be able to go to a far right event and listen AND DO EXACTLY THE SAME. what you MAY hear, is a lot of people, in each group, saying EXACTLY THE SAME THING. but using different words and experiences to say those things. that is, if you are able to HEAR them. there is simply no such thing as “one group” of people being more awake or evolved than another. but, AGENDA and deceit AS AN ENTITY lives more often than not in the designated “woke” and “fair” groups, that is for sure! it is how evil hides in plain sight! oh, the IRONY.
people say to me all of the time “do you live in Williamsburg?”. LOL! I get it, it’s because I wear the funny pilgrim hats and the vintage biker jackets and such. but why does that mean that I live in Brooklyn or would like, need to “dress the part” of the neighborhood that I live in? I mean, I’m not on an episode of Girls. but the point is, that people need to organize their thoughts (so that they can feel in control) about WHO SOMEONE IS based on how they look, what interests them, and what they believe. but that’s not who a person IS. I’ve NEVER “dressed the part” for anywhere that I’ve lived, and I’ve never picked a place because it’s “cool”. God that takes SO MUCH ENERGY. I feel exhausted just writing about it. what’s my point here? think less about the exterior and consider for a moment that you don’t know squat about someone’s inner world. unless you truly know squat about yours. which is unlikely. that takes work. and no it’s not an Ayahuasca retreat. it’s daily, conscious work to consider that we can not control the outer world by assuming things!
the New Moon is always a good time, when it comes, to consider new ways of living or being. I am not an astrology expert, but I can suggest a look at good old YouTube for some live references! I really enjoy information shared by Nadiya Shah, Kelley Rosano, and The Leo King. this weekend we are in for a new open portal of energy, which might really compliment our continued efforts to simply live, breathe, survive and THRIVE on this planet for the very short amount of time that we are here.
well, this year was one for the books for me as far as my own therapy with myself goes. I found an amazing person, one better than all of my heart’s desires could have conjured up in my own imagination, and they could not have come at a better time. my take on therapy (the REAL kind — traditional, psychoanalytical, classic, CBT style) is that everyone needs it. if you have never gone, because you think that it is reserved only for traumatized or otherwise crazy people, then you may be surprised to find out how many “together” people actually go. AND, it is the otherwise certifiably crazy people who NEVER go. and that is why, doing what I do, I have things like prerequisites. I am not interested in treating crazy people. my days of dealing with crazy people on a willful basis are long gone since learning that I simply didn’t have to. when I say crazy, I mean one thing: people who do not want to change — have no intention of changing — bottom-feed off of others to no end. these crazy people, appear normal. they even appear kind. parts of them can actually be or present as kind. they are not.
in one of my prerequisite books (for ANY service of mine, by the way), People of The Lie, Peck refers to all different types of people who lie — and part of his definition (which I would absolutely echo) in terms of “evil”, is people who lie to themselves.
people who lie to themselves are not only crazy, but they are consistent users. similar to narcissists, users can not and will not confront themselves. different from narcissists, users seem and appear to be very kind. feeble, even. however, congruent with narcissists, these people ALWAYS need help. with SOME kind of THING.
when speaking with my therapist earlier this year, they said something to me about how each of us (as in, my therapist and me) is terrible at spotting pathological liars because we SO DEEPLY feel and believe in other people’s truths. I know for a fact this is one of my blessing and curse hallmarks. and the only cure for it is to be leveled enough times, by a variety of different crazy people, to the point in which very little is left in the world that could surprise one. I think, hope, and pray that I am at this point in my life. spotting the disarray or imbalances in the lives of others is a cakewalk for me. it is always harder when it is my life, because the point of my existence would cease if I had no personal contrast hence growth to do. I am not alone in this, either. many of the people I see who are top in their field come to me with the SAME pains — “how could I not see this coming?” — in terms of being blindsided by people who lie to themselves. to stick with the point of this article, I am referring to users in particular.
for a very long time, I had assigned any feelings of anger or negative emotion that arose in me as “very bad”. so I simply blocked them and didn’t have them. of course, I would tolerate the anger of others and allow everyone else to have feelings and opinions. and then I began to learn that I chose very, VERY passive aggressive (aka users) people to spend my time with…and if you know anything about this, you know that a passive aggressive (i.e. controlling, VERY angry person who will almost never show it directly to anyone — they have all kinds of weird habits, instead, to take out their rage) person can drive the most sane, “together” person right up the wall. passive aggressive people, a very common almost totally consistent quality amongst users, are masters at their trade. their trade is designed to completely disown any part of themselves that they can not face. so, they feed their addiction (anything we hide from in shadow IS an addiction — as it becomes a thought pattern and relationship pattern) in other ways. they use people.
it was in my dealing with passive aggressive people that I learned how my own anger was TELLING ME SOMETHING. since I was programmed to completely deny ANY anger in order to survive amongst crazies early in life, I had become SO GOOD at stifling it that it took some really shady characters to bring it to surface. I also learned, as it came up, and as I subsequently blamed myself for years simply for having it (not knowing that it was a HUGE red flag associated with the person I was involved with at the time!), that it ONLY came up and out in certain dynamics. I never cut, I never slept around, and I never used drugs: this meant, I HAD TO FEEL. anything other than feeling is the easy way out. period. this meant that I HAD to speak up for myself — journal it out — say it, and run the risk of being judged for being upset.
when I began to identify my patterns with passive aggressive people, I began to trust my feelings of anger more. but what I also learned, beyond the more “obvious” indicators that perhaps I was engaging with the WRONG type of person, is that there are LAYERS to how a “user” will ignite that fire. when I say layers, let me start with explaining “the nice person”.
this person is kind. they almost appear a little bit weak. there is a childlike quality to them. it doesn’t matter how old they are. and there are HALLMARKS associated with this person, that are not the first thing most people look for when identifying a user, because the hallmarks seem so secondary as compared to obvious cases of a “user” individual. peeling back the layers to identify such a person — one of a sneaky, crafty, manipulative order indeed — took me many years. I was friends with this kind of person, I worked with this kind of person, and this kind of person was always dead set on making “nice” with me — to draw blood.
HALLMARKS: 1) you immediately want to help this person. you don’t know why. 2) they have been “mistreated” — meaning, they have a sob story. you will usually hear about it right away, or within the first few times of meeting them. aka, they NEED something from you (or, anyone willing to give it to them). 3) they are nice. they can be really likeable. they are empathetic. they relate well to others — this is the part that seemingly separates or does separate them from a narcissist. it’s almost impossible to overlook their “good nature”…except for when you actually see beyond it (that part I will get to explaining in a bit). 4) they are noncommittal: they refuse to fully pursue their vocation (why bother, when they can exploit yours instead?). 5) they have several “back-ups” aka people who will take care of them if they fall down, but they are always acting as if they are all alone without any support. 6) they are really smart. they know a lot. maybe they have a ton of degrees. they manipulate this good fortune by using it as a mask — even a mask they wear for themselves. this serves to confuse all parties. 7) they have no game plan. and I mean NONE. or, if they do, it changes days or weeks later…in place just long enough to extract whatever “support” they need from you or anyone else. 8) they have major authority issues: anything that resembles an authority figure (leftover childhood trauma that they will not look at) cultivates major transference for them to the point where they turn around and create yet another new story, scenario, reason as to why their life is xyz and they need “help”. above all else, and woven into each of the 8 hallmarks I list above, is one key fact: THEY LACK COURAGE. lacking courage is not a personal disability: it is a sin, a choice, and a major defect of character designed solely to take advantage of other people. it is in THIS way, that people lie to themselves (hence you, believing them every step of the way until you notice your own anger rising up, out of “nowhere”) and commit the evil act of such. again, have a cover to cover read through my prerequisites to understand more of this (or, just read through my blog).
lacking courage is the over-arching theme or hallmark of a user. but, unless you know what details (as in the 8 hallmarks I noted) to look for, you may miss it. I have missed it so many times. until I decided I was so flocking sick of missing it, that I didn’t want to miss it ever again and I was willing to do whatever it takes (like be an island until I figure it all out!) to understand it. there is an extremely lazy quality to users, but they will mask it with all kinds of things: mostly, knowledge. this can be confusing, because it may seem like this person is just having a bad trip in life. but it continues. it never ends. their story changes in minor ways, but it’s always the same. and at the center of it: they refuse to choose a vocation. meaning, let’s say their vocation is to work in a shoe store. and yes, that is a fine vocation. but they won’t choose it. because they refuse to be in alignment with themselves. BECAUSE BEING IN ALIGNMENT REQUIRES A PERSON TO SEE THEIR TRUTH, THEIR MIRROR AS WELL AS CONFRONT THE TRAUMA THAT THEY LIKELY HAVE. so, they avoid shoe stores and work at snack bars instead. making up nonstop excuses about why they will not go to the shoe store, they undoubtedly use one or all 8 hallmarks as masks. the fact is, going to the shoe store would mean that they are aligning with their truth. that is impossible, willfully, for a user. why live in truth, when it is much easier to extract juice from YOU?
now here is where it gets interesting. you are fooled. you may have known this person for a number of years, even. empathizing with them all along the way. but, undoubtedly, feeling a CERTAIN way as time goes by — yet blaming YOURSELF. for being judgmental. not giving enough. not selfless enough HA!!!!!!! remember that you are fooled because users, like narcissists, lie to themselves on such a base level that they actually believe it. don’t make me reference some of this year’s news as examples, please. but it’s all out there to see, to observe, when someone actually commits to their lies. in the case of a user, you will give them CONCRETE ways out of their “situation”; yet, they will find a way to manipulate the conversation so that you almost forgot or even DID forget what you were talking about! they talk in circles…nothing is ever a straight line. they can’t commit to plans — again, because that would denote alignment, and having to look at themselves (and their trauma). so you may find yourself beating yourself up, and going in circles with this crazy person who you thought was so nice. until something breaks.
what broke for me in these situations was an unstoppable anger that seemed to come out of “nowhere”, and the self awareness to acknowledge that ANGER MEANS SOMETHING (I’ll give you a hint: YOU ARE BEING LIED TO). particularly when you find yourself trying to figure out the anger (users and narcissists simply DO NOT DO THAT – rather, they stay in sick relationships and life circumstances because it is EASIER THAN FEELING ANYTHING), you will realize that you are onto something that maybe isn’t about you. or, it is, in the sense that you leave tons of food for users to eat. this has been my lesson. it’s still my lesson. I either gravitated toward users or they gravitated toward me, but it was and is up to me to notice the clues. and the clues usually come after you have had a “never ever again” moment. I’ve had a few. and in the final moments, you don’t lose your cool — rather, you are satisfied because such a puzzle or life pattern “finally makes sense”. it may be embarrassing for some of us (including myself) to admit that we woke up one day and realized that we were surrounded by users, but it’s ok. when you have a lot to give, from your core, and you live in authenticity, you will find yourself in the midst of a feeding frenzy. it is also important to note that people who have a lot to give, who are self reflective, AND empathetic, simply get taken through the meat grinder a few times before they line up with their fate/destiny or vocation as it relates to the collective — this is called AN INITIATION. I’ve had many.
it is embarrassing for me (ok well maybe not really, since I write freely about it) to say that I have woken up many times and realized “oh my God. everyone around me is mental. or a user. what have I done to create this?”. and I have had to re-examine my many ways of allowing that pattern to cultivate. by giving too much — out of habit, out of poor training about my self worth (self worth is different from SELF CONFIDENCE, BY THE WAY!), and simply out of JOY of seeing others happy. it genuinely makes me happy to share and know that I can make another person happy. not everyone is wired this way! and if you are wired this way, you find it impossible to believe that everyone else is NOT wired this way. we see the world through our own lens only. and it is those who have the most to give, the most to cherish, who often find out last that no, not everyone else is running around giving (reminder: there are those who APPEAR to give — and it is such a farce — and you will spot it if this article makes any sense to you).
in the last year or so my tank has been extremely low. I kept running into the same issues, over and over. and I had to work really, really hard to identify my blind spots. some of them were really simple: I had people around me who took until I had nothing left, but they didn’t care — because they were users. I was afraid to line up with someone as “big” as me, because I felt undeserving. I was afraid of my power (yes that can be a real thing). I was in programmed mode – meaning, I NEVER knew what it felt like to receive. sad yes, but also very true.
so when I began to identify a seemingly elusive, “out of nowhere” ANGER toward a particular person (this could be anyone — someone I just met, or a person I knew for some time), I had to get real. instead of turning it on myself as I had always done (the opposite of what a narcissist or crazy person will do), I decided to start listening to it. talking about it in therapy, to see if I was deluding myself about the people I had around me. and I found out, many times unfortunately, that I had created the same pattern that was always there from my first breath. surrounded by users, ready to eat me up and drink me up at any chance. but, HOW TO SPOT THIS?
so I listed the 8 hallmarks. there is more to it. these people will NEVER PUT THEMSELVES OUT THERE with regard to their “dreams”, “skills”, or “goals”. they have a real victim quality to them, that is hard to suss out concretely (because they are smart). and, as I said, they seem or maybe are (but I don’t honestly know how this could be true), really “nice”. they will listen to your problems. but not without tallying a balance of what you owe them. they will keep stock of anything they did for you in the event that you stop feeding them supply that is not reciprocal. often, this comes in the form of money. users have SUCH lack mentality, that they either refuse to work (except they have all kinds of stories around this), or they have money and won’t touch it (I know multi-millionaires and beyond, like this — they are not broke, but they are poor as hell). because money is an energy, they have a really bad relationship with it. for example. they will ALWAYS let you take the check. even as they say “are you sure?”, you will note how their unconscious language is doing a victory dance with no intention of sharing in the energy exchange with you. I literally had a friend, older than me, “smarter” than me as they would describe it, in a “better position” than me financially at the time, accept every single time I offered to pay. why? oh, all kinds of stories. ALL KINDS. but their favorite thing to note about me, was “you just have the will to do things that others don’t” — effectively, this was their bargaining excuse for why I should have to pay for everything and they shouldn’t have to share in it. it was a manipulative compliment, at best. and it confused me. like crazy people and liars, users will confuse the living FLOCK out of you! and it wasn’t just this one friend. it happened with TONS of people. even groups of people. and when I look back, I think, what WAS I thinking? well, in this regard, I wasn’t.
users will place you “above” them in terms of “having it easy” or “being stronger” than them or “most people” in life. this is so that they can keep committing the sins they commit by having the world take care of them. and they will always find a way to do it. keep in mind that it usually comes in the form of flattery, and insinuation that you are just “luckier” than they are. you will also notice that users have like TONS of people backing them — just, none of them know each other! I like to introduce people to one another. I am not afraid of them banding together and talking about me, because if they are crazy then I have cleared a path; and if they are amazing, then I have strengthened an army of light. it usually goes in one direction or another anyhow, as like attracts like. rarely do users attract other users, because then they would stand to gain nothing. users also do not introduce you, to anyone — because they are using all of you at the same time.
users constantly complain about their life circumstances, but do absolutely NOTHING to fix them. for example, they may have addict family members who are unwilling to get well, so they are always busy with that. or, they may have “abusive partners” they are never willing to leave. or, they may have terrible luck “finding a job”, because at the end of the day, they refuse their actual God-given talent and vocation and resort to jobs they hate and either get fired from or “can’t find”. or, they are the relentless artist, who “just needs a break” 20 years later. right. I’ve met ALL OF THESE PEOPLE. and at their core, they have one thing in common: extract your energy, time, and money!
people who try to violate my protocol, for example (and I am referring to the ones who have seen it and bypass it anyhow) are tell-tale examples of users. users hate boundaries of any sort, because boundaries require WORK. remember that users are EXTREMELY lazy (but they would convince you otherwise!). in a strong sense, users are addicts. an addict is someone who will NOT derive from their own supply — they simply REFUSE — so they use that of others. that is why being with a user is so exhausting. their very own self-made misery is part of their substance. their left-over unresolved conflict with their abusive families or otherwise is their substance, because they can’t “move on”. their friend who didn’t give them a hand-out is their substance. their chronic mystery illness is their substance. their recent breakup of many years ago is their substance. anything that is not within their own toolbox is their substance. and they NEVER. LOOK. WITHIN.
a user will default almost immediately to childlike communications such as they learned early on with their dysfunctional family (which is what they come from) when confronted by you in ANY way. you will become the villain IMMEDIATELY (or else they look at themselves and what they “do” to extract energy from other people) if you confront a user. they will drive you all over the road until your head is spinning in correspondence or conversation — just like your head would spin when talking to an addict. they say one thing, but the communication is really another thing. any threat of authority makes them take off and run like a bat out of hell — because they do not trust any authority figure (often why they are not employable). dealing with a user, in my experience, is worse than dealing with an addict, because dealing with an active addict presents a more obvious and shorter communications life span. a user, however, with no “tangible” issues, can drag you around for a really long time. a user is your friend of 20 years who has just had “too many hard breaks” and so people cave in and help them rather than confront the storyline.
they use other people’s time, money and energy, without a thought or care in the world. they never, ever say “I’ll get this check”. they never give you anything unless it is bait to help them with something. they never apologize or self-reflect (EVER). and finally, they can not engage in ANY sort of debate or confrontation: you might as well speak Swahili to them.
I decided to write this as I reflected upon the last few years of my life, and tons of lessons. I reached a point, many times over these years, when I felt I had nothing left inside of me to give and I could not figure out why. it was really hard, it has been really hard, to look around and acknowledge that I was more comfortable giving that I was receiving, and see how I manifested many of these patterns. but, they are real. and the willingness to acknowledge them ALSO requires that we be willing to “go life alone” AGAIN, for a time. well, so what. I speak for myself and probably many other people when I say that I have a few good, true, long-time true blue friends who I do not have to “be” anything for, in order for them to love me. I can’t tell you how good that feels, particularly to someone who has spent time ending the above old pattern with users. we also have to be willing to acknowledge that others (users, for example) will not like us. I know some people don’t like me. and I also know that it says everything about them — not me. fortunately, I am willing to be disliked. I am fine being disliked. my very first therapist (she was a really nice lady) I saw at age 26 said to me on our first day “you know what the best day of my life was? when I woke up and didn’t care what anyone thought”. I remember thinking, at that time, “I can’t imagine…”. now, I can imagine. I don’t care either.
much of society is sick. that’s just a fact. I would say everyone needs therapy. but only a certain portion of the population is really willing to go. why? because it takes COURAGE. in order to exercise courage, we need to not lie to ourselves. in order to not lie to ourselves, we have to rely on ourselves. some people are simply willing to rely on others. not me. so, if you find yourself with a user, pay extra attention to this article here. perhaps you, yourself, can benefit from therapy to understand how and why you end up in the positions that I shared above. after all, unless you are a narcissist (they can always spot users and other narcissists quite easily!!! – because they are looking in mirrors), or a user, you might have picked up some patterns from society, a “system” of some sort, or your family that are not serving you. life is so different, and so freeing when we are not bogged down with extra body weight that does not belong to us. and when that happens, cheers to better nights sleeps and more productive days — aka a totally different life than it was perhaps even just months prior.
many years ago I went to a Shaman. it was before I fully launched Healing Elaine®, and it was around the time that I was hopping from “guru” to “guru”, or “seer” to “seer”. some of them were fantastic and still are — the people who have their feet planted firmly on the ground. examples that come to mind: Caroline Myss. others, such as the example I am going to share, were/are wonderful people, except for one thing…they suffered from martyr complex and it killed them in one way or another.
the night after I met with the Shaman, way uptown in Manhattan, I had a really religious experience. this person, during our session that day, had blown my life force or soul’s essence back into a very specific area on my heart through a crystal of sorts. this person worked a lot with animal spirit energy and their animals were present and soothing during the session. the session itself, much like what my actual sessions ARE, was called a “soul retrieval”. the idea was, that this person could assist me in returning some of the pieces of my soul, to my actual body. now, I believe in this stuff. my therapist would call it one thing. I would call it another. and a corporate person on wall street would call it something else. a priest would call it something else. but it’s all the same thing. it’s all physics, and it contains intention. after the session with the Shaman I awoke in the middle of the night with a piercing, stabbing, and unforgettable sharp shooting pain in my heart – RIGHT at the spot that they blew the essence back into my body. as a constant skeptic (I really have to see things to believe them myself – despite and perhaps negating my image because of what I do for work), I expected from the session at worst to feel nothing and at best to feel comforted by the Shaman. but as with a few other fortunate experiences I had in the spiritual domain up until that point, I got more than comfort. the pain, though sharp and blatant, was cathartic. half asleep and half awake, I knew what this pain was. it was more than a physical feeling. my body and my mind were relaxed enough to receive what I was intended to receive: MYSELF. I never forgot that Shaman.
many years later, my practice was super successful. the Shaman heard about it. and they called me for help. I thought, how oddly and how quickly life can change. this person, who I was once bewildered by and had revered, now needed my assistance. I told them sure, come through, for free. I didn’t feel right charging them since they were outside the scope of my protocol and how I usually worked — knowing nothing about a person in advance, which was and is my protocol. so the Shaman came through. and before they did, I got what I always receive before sessions: a lot of info. physically. emotionally, psychologically. it knocked me over. I was so so so sick before they arrived. I do not know how I made it through that session. and during it, I had one MAJOR piece of advice for this Shaman: take back your stuff. take back what was stolen from you by your blood line, by the people who you trusted the most. simply take it BACK. nothing more, nothing less. and since energy can neither be created nor destroyed, I did not find this to be such an outrageous suggestion. in fact, within me, it was much more than a suggestion. it was a mandate. this person had been stolen from in ways that I was unfortunately familiar with. their entire life was eroding — physically. they were physically ill. and they had just come to me on a near-clinical diagnosis. I knew in SECONDS, that I could help this person. and I also knew that if they did not follow my advice, they would die very soon. they didn’t follow my advice.
I didn’t hear about their passing right away when it happened, but I knew right then and there in that session that they were going to get very sick, very fast, and die. the reason is, they had a really intense martyr complex. they followed some scripture, I’m not sure but I think it was Christian (not that it matters – and by the way, I grew up in Bible school…Bible camp in summers…church choir…Christmas pageants…Sunday services…Confirmation…you get the idea; so I am not poo-pooing it at all), and they trusted the scripture more than hearing the voice of their own soul. and it didn’t matter what I said. in fact, when I said what I did, that they needed to reclaim themselves in xyz way and SEND “IT” BACK, they became visibly uncomfortable and angry. I was taken aback, but also overcome with deep knowing. knowing of what was to come, and knowing that I was in a place of seeing that I never anticipated. for it was all so clear to me. I think I filed that encounter into my unconscious mind in order to move forward and keep working without feeling responsible for what I knew to be imminent.
a month or two after the session that the Shaman came to see ME for, I started to receive go fund me requests from their email address. during our session they were not in any medical diagnosis — though I saw it coming — but within a month or two their illness was full blown and categorized. this was their fear (and reason for) when coming to see me — that they would get sick. and I knew what would stop it: they had to learn, even at their older age, when it is not appropriate for the soul to be a martyr. they didn’t want to learn. why? because it forced them to look at things differently. it required a MASSIVE ego death. their mind was comfortable with their “role” — the good person, the self-sacrificer, the VICTIM. now, there was nothing outwardly “victim” about this person. in fact I found them to be quite strong, and appear so. they did a ton of community work to uplift marginalized communities and individuals. but their ways of being was pure victim. and I see it constantly. people get sick sometimes because it’s easier. plain and simple. some people develop entire personalities around illness because it controls other people. obviously that was not this case. but the point is, that it was easier for this person to become sick and die than it was to change. their role in life was too important to them. and so it goes for many of us.
I see a fundamental difference in my practice between those who send back the shit that was dealt to them — hence reclaiming themselves (nothing more, and nothing less) –, and those who refuse because it’s HARD. I had a patient a long time ago who was with an unfaithful partner. I knew it and they knew it. but they wouldn’t confront it, and it was the type of infidelity that really bothered them. but not enough to see as truth. so they got sick instead. and they wanted my help, even though they would not listen to me. people don’t listen, because it’s hard on the mind. it’s hard to change our thought patterns. take all of the ayahuasca you want, it’s not going to change your core processing. that is something that can only be earned by true sober efforts. and a martyr complex is one for the BOOKS. and, I can relate. I’m just not willing (and never have been willing) to sell out and ruin my life over it (particularly since that’s already been done). I am quite happy to take my stuff back. from ANYONE.
when we don’t listen to our soul, and when we live for others, it’s because we are lazy. we are not righteous, “better”, or kinder. in fact, we are weak and selfish in this way. we would like to think of ourselves as better, because it is more convenient for the mind that way. but really, it’s an excuse. if we live an entire lifetime in a martyr role, and then we wake up at 40 or 50 and we are told to change it, many of us would rather throw in the towel than do the work that it requires to become a different person — the person we were designed to be. and so the Universe, the Gods, the whomever will create the contrast necessary for us to understand what we have done. how we have gone against ourselves, yet again. because now it isn’t just living to “benefit” others by being “the better person”…it is living against ourselves because it is too hard to be sovereign. and THAT, my friends, is a sin.
moral teachings, religious scripture and the like, is all open for interpretation. just like anything else in this world. and it is up to us HOW we interpret that information. we can use it to assist us in a good way, or we can use it to assist us in a bad way and call it something else in order to lie to ourselves about who we really are and what we are willing to believe about who we are. and every time I think of the Shaman, or anyone else I have met who is willing to forego the needs and calling of their very own soul because it is easier to accommodate the nefarious wishes of another, I am reminded of how martyrdom kills. what brings life, rather, is our ability to see truth. and THAT…is a seemingly (to me) and hopefully emerging reality for our planet at this time. one that I can’t wait for much longer.