special thanks to my holiday hair wizard, Yannhou, pictured here beside me
this offer is inspired by a special young woman I met earlier this year.
for December only, I will offer something that I have never done before: ONE HOUR sessions. these are available to former patients only, and if you keep up with my materials you will likely understand why (it takes me roughly 20 hours minimum to fully explain and process someone’s life crisis or crises and help them integrate all of the moving pieces associated with understanding such – hence, making radical shifts. doing just one hour with someone I have never met is not only not reflective of my work, but it would likely be jarring for them in a way that they did not expect nor understand and it would take away from all of the reasons that I do this work in the first place. this, is why I have NEVER been able to do just one hour with anyone new, not even 10 years ago. there is just too much to explain).
the format for this is obviously different, but you can prepare all the same as it will “hit” you the same way (both before and after the session) as a longer and more intensive session would. you know this because we already worked together. for example; I go to therapy weekly. I believe that the being of my therapist is far more than “just” a therapist. he has a special energy, and I can FEEL it the night before we meet for our ONE HOUR session. it then reverberates for days, as I go over the notes that I took during our work together. one might say that he, too, has inspired this brief offer I am putting out for the month of December, because my number one concern used to be “am I giving enough?” to each person I saw. in many ways, this man has reflected back all that I give…just by being who HE is. it is through my own therapy work with him, that I began to more fully understand not only my gifts, but HOW it is that what people have said about me could be true…in other words, I have been able to see how transformative just one hour can be in the presence of a certain individual. it has taken me a long time to fully understand my core value (for reasons expressed ALL throughout this blog!), and how that value corresponds to my work with others. I no longer feel “maybe I didn’t give enough”. and from that important transcendence, here we are for December!
keep in mind that we will be on a clock. it will truly be just one hour. you may spend that hour with me however you like.
in addition, another reason that I am offering this is because I now have my shooting schedule for the TV Series I have created. I will send out a separate update about that. the brief is, I wrote a series about two years ago (when my world began crumbling down, yet again), based off of the six eBooklets that I wrote in 2015. a lot has transpired in the last two years. it is now ready for liftoff. in terms of specifics/logistics, capital/funding will be complete and we will finish shooting the series (six episodes) and sell it to the likes of HBO or an equivalent or better if it exists. with that said, I will be truly shifting gears for a time to focus on my media (I am writing my first big book, and have other creative projects in the wheelhouse). as I have stated continuously over the past two years, the days of me seeing multiple people per day or week, and now even per month, have certainly ended (for MANY reasons! not just my own evolution, but then again all outside events correlate to our personal evolution). I can’t believe the way that I used to work (sometimes 100 hour weeks!), but I loved every minute of it and that work and time during my life is a huge inspiration for the series. with all of this in mind, I will be excited to see familiar faces and rub hearts in person — beyond that, I have big plans! which I hope you will be part of, and will keep you updated on.
and on THAT note, please subscribe to the subscription link on the home page on the far upper right corner. I lost most of my subscription list, and I don’t pull mailing lists from my former email (also, do not email me! read my former posts to stay updated on that front), nor do I want to spam people each week with updates that they did not sign up for. although I have THOUSANDS of emails in my possession, my work is not about the business of sales or promotion — it is about the business of attraction. so, the only way you will know what is going on is if you sign up for the newsletter (be sure to check your spam! because it WILL go there), or consistently check my social media pages (all of them, in case one of them “gets deleted”). you may also follow my Instagram here.
to schedule a ONE HOUR session with me, call 917-985-1221 and leave a voicemail stating such. this is for December ONLY, and for former patients only. I can’t wait to reconnect with you this holiday season!
“you’re scattered”; “you need to choose one vocation”; “pick a focus”…I used to hear these things ALL OF THE TIME. in my 20s. except, I knew deep within me something that THEY did not know: I was building my multi-faceted future and the road to MY destiny, by…being multi-faceted and living MY life, MY way. this is how it should be. we should each find out, who WE are, not who THEY tell us to be.
when I was 18 months, I climbed up a ladder on the side of my house and launched myself over the top onto the roof. I also used to hurl myself over my crib bars to escape it. so, perhaps it’s in my soul’s blood to venture out like a Maverick. but, you don’t have to be a so-called Maverick or pioneer-type to understand that EVERYTHING you are doing and going through now is preparing you for where you want (when I say want, I speak to the AUTHENTIC you on a deep and honest psychological and spiritual level) to be.
I used to hit 2-4 year periods of “ceiling”. meaning, I would focus on something for a period of time, get bored, and move on to the next thing. this never meant that I was abandoning those things/skills/experiences that I got “bored” with and moved on from — in fact, it was quite the opposite – I was filing my experiences and interests into a folder that would later be part of the book of my life. however, each time I was “done” with something (it might have been a job, or a relationship, or an interest), I would hear the riot act from many people around me. people who didn’t understand. people who were jealous of my tenacity. people who both didn’t understand AND were jealous. and so, in order to KEEP MOVING and hearing myself, I had to do one thing and one thing only: abandon ego. I had to be willing to be criticized, and stand in the face of it and feel the shame or guilt or whatever emotions came up each time I was told by people/society/whomever that I was “wrong”, for being who I was/am.
when we abandon ego, we grow. ego holds us back. it wants to and, in fact, needs to so that we may “survive”, according to the timelessness of the ego which doesn’t know whether we are 9 years old or 40 years old because the ego doesn’t work in a linear fashion. so each time I hit the skids, seemingly, and so to speak, in my life, I had to abandon ego. and it felt like a death each time. and each time I did it, I held true to knowing that all of my mini-deaths were part of a much larger focus –and that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I knew that the flash-in-a-pan successes of “famous” or “successful” people were usually just that: flashes. I never desired something temporary, because I am not an addict in terms of short-term highs. I prefer the long, solid, unflappable highs — which really aren’t highs at all. and in this way, in this part of my life, I am the opposite of an addict. the way I see it, life, the meaning of it, we are all destined to move as FAR AWAY from addict behavior (in any and all categories of our life!) as possible, and that is the meaning of life.
the fact is, we are all multi-faceted. when we are constricted, we suffer (notably, physically). when we don’t listen to our own SELF, we suffer. we do this because we care what other people think. I wrote a whole article about that here. you should stop caring, as much as possible, about what other people have to say about YOUR life. and when you do, EVERYTHING that you have been doing — the “mistakes”, the “disappointments” that you have “suffered” because you “did it wrong” — will reveal themselves to you to be the very THREAD of your soul, being woven to show you your bigger picture. for example…
my first job (I won’t count babysitting from the time I was 10 on – ) at age 15 was working at an ice cream parlor. my second, of many hospitality jobs to come, was working as a hostess and waitress. I also worked at a snack bar flipping burgers. I did every kind of hospitality job there was, for many years, and as well in between “real” jobs. what is a real job anyway? going to a place to promote someone else’s dream and make them successful? sure. ALL “jobs” are really equal — and most people don’t know why they are doing them or who they are doing them for — unless they are doing the job for THEMSELVES. when you can do a job (ANY job) for yourself, you are living in integrity and actually able to GIVE something back to society. because you care about the xyz thing or job. but back to my first job. one might say, “what does hospitality have to do with anything else you have done? wasn’t that a waste of time?” – to which I would say no. I would also say that working in corporate finance was not a waste of time. nor was selling overnight shipping to C-Suites (only). why were these things not a waste of time?: they factor into EVERYTHING that I do today. while working in hospitality, I had to get to know all different kinds of people and statuses and understand how they responded to their own needs. while working in a corporate environment in finance, I had to learn how part of the WORLD worked – I had big accounts poached from me by my actual BOSSES, and I saw the seedy, competitive, shrewd side of business and masculine energy at play…and I noted how many of these masculine energies were jealous of me because I had that similar masculine energy but I was wearing a skirt, or whatever. I had to learn while selling overnight shipping, exactly how to gage the intonation of a voice over the phone and what that meant when I had only 15 seconds to pitch a top executive (C-Suites only! company rule!) and get them to meet with me face-to-face. I had to understand why the ONLY person to EVER approach for anything in life, is the end decision maker. because no one else CARES. no one. all of these things that I learned, developed my understanding of people in the real world, not the “psychic” world. and I needed, very much, the tangible and intangible understandings that resided in my heart and mind to blend so that I could successfully understand and help other people. helping people has forever been my goal – desire – purpose.
the thing is, though, I doubted myself at times. I worried that maybe I WAS what I heard other people say to me, about me; maybe I was scattered, maybe I was lost, and maybe I was (gasp)…non-committal. but, I knew better deep inside and I would keep going anyhow. yet the doubt hurt and it slowed me down longer than I wish I had been slowed down. this article is in large part about that — the doubt that comes in, when you are just being who you are. and the thing is, it is healthy to doubt because we can re-assess where we are and how to do it better. but, it’s not necessary to linger for longer than that healthy purpose. and people who live in fear, who are afraid to pursue their dreams, will make you doubt yourself. you can’t listen. and, it can be hard to know what is doubt and what is reality…
the way to know the difference between doubt and reality is one way and I said it earlier: check your ego. who are you doing things for, and why? who are you appeasing? who are you trying to fit in for? if you can answer those questions, AND still go your own way, you can temporarily kill your ego and keep it in check. doubt is healthy and it washes over us as a feeling. reality — that we are actually doing something wrong — is when we are doing something strictly for outside praise, OR when we really DON’T feel like committing to anything and so we change jobs or interests at the drop of a hat in order to avoid ourselves. again, the key ingredient to know the difference is your ego death. if you are willing to go through the range of feelings that accompany an ego death and face them head on, it is likely that you are just in doubt. if you are not willing to go through the above, then there may be a reality to your doubt that has to do with your unconscious mind and patterns and not a healthy ego death. THAT notion is an entirely different article, BUT, if you are self-aware you can switch gears and then it is all the same anyhow…you are working toward everything that you were designed to be, once you surrender.
when I jumped away from corporate, I really had a death. I felt like a loser. I felt like I pissed away a 5-star education and my degrees. this is in part because I was “listening” to society by observing those around me. the people who just did their jobs, met their spouses at a happy hour, and moved to NJ to have kids. now, if I’m being really honest with myself, I WISH I could have that life. it would be so much more level (stable?) than the one my soul chose. there have been many, many times I have asked God to please let me just live a normal life. but I know what I’m made of – and I can’t change how I am made. and so I watched many of my friends go the conventional path while I wondered if there was something wrong with me, and if I was royally messing up my life. and, simultaneously to all of that concern I had, ironically and paradoxically, I ALSO DID NOT CARE. because I could hear my soul. not caring does not take away doubt and worry, though. and, as I say over and over again, there is never EVER any “better” path for any one person. if your destiny is to have an amazing family and work at the DMW your entire life then THAT IS A LIFE AND A DESTINY and a VALUABLE ONE – because the only part of living that ever matters is our ALIGNMENT (when thoughts = feelings = words = actions!). but aligned people know that. I know folks who work very “menial” jobs and they are SO HAPPY. because they are in alignment, and they get it that there is no such thing as “more important purpose” as it relates to one person or the next and their “outer world success”. all things are relative, and the only important thing is whether we are aligned or not. truly.
so in the above example, jumping from corporate, I felt like I was in no-man’s land probably for about a month. looking back, that is a REALLY brief time as compared to other jumps and subsequent dark periods I had, when honoring my path. and, like the other times during which I “jumped”, I wondered and worried if anything I had done in the past would relate to my future or if it was all just a waste. well: nothing was a waste.
in between film and tv jobs I worked MANY other jobs. and during that period of my life, the tv and film days, I also mistakenly thought “ok, this is it, this is my identity, I must focus ONLY on this now”…which was so not true. because we are never our job or our outer-world identity. and like all of the other times when I was either “forced” to jump, or my reality was ripped away from me, so then was my focused period of time on tv and film. and this is because I “HAD” to publicly set up Healing Elaine® and see that to fruition and “completion”. again, I felt scared, that one thing had entirely nothing to do with the next, and my now-4 careers absolutely would not blend. it is also important to note, that again, that feeling was just my ego. or I never would have kept facing it then jumping. and so I moved through that awful feeling of giving birth to myself (again) and dealt with the same push-back I always had from others who told me “I thought you were an actress, though?”. sure, I was an actress. I was also a hamburger-flipper. and a waitress. and an account executive. and…a person. I just chose to surrender to all that I was inside, because THAT was my calling. again, I didn’t consciously want to be made “this” way. but we are how and who we are, and it is all for a REASON…and it doesn’t matter what the path “looks” like. I then realized that YES OF COURSE, my career in corporate AND my career in tv and film in front of and behind the camera OBVIOUSLY line up with everything I did with Healing Elaine®! because without HE™, I would have no message. and without a message, all of my work with corporate and tv and film would mean…nothing to me as far as my bigger purpose was concerned.
I’ve mentioned that The Alchemist is my favorite book. it’s a lot of people’s favorite book, probably. and it is a genius book that I read in 2005 and again this year (and wrote a little instagram post about) — at which point it took on an entirely new meaning. and the point of the book is similar to the long-winded point I am making here: everything that you desire, from the perspective of integrity and ego death and learning, is preparing you for what you will become/already are. who you are is timeless, and it doesn’t matter WHAT that looks like on the surface. we never know God’s exact strategy in a timeline form, and it is not up to us to decipher. exerting that kind of control and demand onto the Universe is not the best way to go, and that is why so many people suffer. I’ve suffered in this way, during my transitions between one “career” and the next. and when I look back on EVERYTHING that I have done, it is ALL CONNECTED. had I listened to what anyone else had to say about my path, I wouldn’t be here. I would be stuck. and so it was worth all of the horrible feelings I had to contend with during my “leaps”. during the times that close friends, best friends, even, shamed me for my choices because they didn’t understand. the times that no one would support me or lend a hand because they said I was “irresponsible”. all of the horrible parts of my transitions were worth it. and so are yours…
you may be thinking “Elaine, I’ve been at the same job for 20 years, I can’t relate to anything you are saying”…well, sure you can. think about the last 20 years. time is IRRELEVANT here. what IS relevant, is where it has lead you. it has lead you somewhere. perhaps that somewhere is a conclusion. perhaps it is the understanding that you are very content and therefore exactly where your soul wants you to be. and if you are not happy, it has lead you to understanding that, so that you may LEAP and ONLY THENunderstand the last 20 years of your life! it is really all simple, and perfect. and the point is, you can’t get it wrong!
make an outline of your life. all of the choices, jobs, and relationships. write them down. connect the earlier parts to the present tense parts, and then imagine that all of that is leading to something that you can not yet see, because you didn’t yet leap in some way (unconsciously). leaping does not have to mean leaving a job or making a tangible change. leaping can simply be a state of mind, a willingness to admit ego defeat, or something else within the confines of your mind. that leap, which is a surrender and realization, maps out your next steps. how magnificent is that? and if you are honest with yourself, you will understand it all. if you are not honest with yourself, you will remain confused. honesty or lack thereof produces karma. there is no way around that. and in either case, we are exactly where we are destined to be. let go of guilt.
I think of the deep, isolating feelings of personal death around my “identity” and how long some of those periods lasted. I wrote an article about these periods here — it’s long and worth a read. if you are confused about what “it” is, that is your long-winded transition, I also wrote about destiny and stagnation here. I imagine that all of us have (these) periods, during which we self-question. and what I want to share and convey is the fact that you can’t get “it” wrong. stop comparing your life to anyone else’s. NONE OF IT MATTERS. you probably would NEVER trade the relative facts anyhow, to be in “someone else’s shoes”! understanding that there is no external choice you can make that will alter your reality is important – it always has to be contended with on the inner level, and thoroughly, first, to count. if you are in your 20s and you wonder “what you are doing”, know that if you honor yourself, it remains to be seen. if you are in your 60s and you wonder “what have I done”, know that if you honor yourself now, it remains to be revealedand you will have peace. you can’t make a wrong decision in life, no matter what your life has looked life. yesterday already happened, and tomorrow doesn’t exist. really think about that concept.
find a way to work with both your inner and outer realities, and find common ground between the two. everything that you are doing (outer) and going through (inner) now is preparing you for where you want to be, whether you are 20 or 80.
the world is run on numbers and numerical quotients. letters of the alphabet have numerical values. everything that we do factors into mathematics, and mathematics factors into everything that we do. there is a symbiotic relationship between our tangible human footprint, and dates and times. I talk a little bit about my viewpoint/understanding of the above in other posts, and during sessions. long story short, the way I see it and have experienced it, there is certain and particular opportunity or “openness” on certain dates — and it can be advantageous to work with said available energy.
the above dates are special dates (specific numerical patterns, that designate alignment — and, remember, that alignment can “look” both positive AND negative, depending upon what is being looked at and who is doing the looking) that I will focus upon as far as looking at scheduling pop-up sessions this month for former patients. these pop-up sessions are abbreviated luxury sessions, and you will stay overnight in our designated workspace.
leave a voicemail on the business line at 917-985-1221 to book a November pop-up session.
p.s. since brrrrrrrrrr it’s starting to get chilly out, I had to break out the faux fur winter hats! the hat in this photo is by Pandemonium in Seattle, in case you are also a hat lady/gent and want to take a gander at their collection.
p.p.s. I am still having major newsletter issues. people are either 1) not receiving the newsletter 2) it’s going to spam 3) the new blog posts/newsletters are not being sent at all to subscribers. please bear with me – if you can subscribe (AGAIN) on my home page, and check to see if you get an email when I make a new post (check spam and un-mark accordingly), that would be helpful to stay updated. I spoke with a former patient today and she said “I have not gotten a post from you in 2 years and I was subscribed for a number of years prior”. honestly, I can’t explain any of this. from the website theft 2.5 years go, to other issues which I am investigating, it could be a number of things. I have worked with ample tech experts (am still working on it) and for whatever reasons, there are issues here. I hope to have things back to normal like the old days, when I would just hit “publish” and everyone I have worked with got my latest update. thank you for being patient, and please check my Healing Elaine® social media as well for new updates!
this is a notice to former patients — all of my contact info has changed. I no longer email or reply from my former email address, and my new business phone number for phone calls and voicemails only is 917-985-1221. do not email me.
please subscribe to my newsletter on my Home page here (please note that my newsletter subscription is still having some technical difficulties, so please check back within the next week to see that you are able to enter your email address and receive a confirmation link to your email to authorize new articles sent your way via Healing Elaine®/healingelaine.com – you may also need to double-check from time-to-time that the emails are not going to spam boxes) to receive new updates. you may also follow my social media, as many of my updates are on my Instagram, Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as my LinkedIn company page. I also use Medium, and all of the above social media icons are located throughout my website.
please read my entire About section if you are new to my website and curious about my services and protocol. again, if you are a former patient, please re-familiarize yourself with my website and About and Services sections.
if we worked together a long time ago, please be cognizant of the fact that I can not possibly do pro bono work and “quick advice” for hundreds of people just because they have a “quick question” months and years later — this is not only unreasonable, but impossible. please read all of my updates – my work and format has changed, as I have stated many times throughout the last few years.
I am excited for the broader ways in which I might be able to serve and work with many people at the same time. I am also excited to include former patients in my (said) upcoming events and ideas, in any and all ways possible. you are amazing. stay tuned!
I’m on a little bit of a big tech / AI kick if you can’t tell from my yesterday’s article here. the interesting part about that article is this. I woke up earlier than usual and SHOT out of bed with the healthy impulse to write that article before noon. typically yes I get inspired, even excited to write something that I am passionate about, but yesterday felt different. I was jolted, physically. THEN, after writing my article, I take a peek at my little social media apps — and see all over the “news” that Joe Rogan had dropped his Ed Snowden interview here, and that Mark Zuckerberg was testifying live before congress! I guess it (yesterday) was a day for disclosure of some sorts. I know there will be more, and more, and more…to come. across the board. GET READY.
when I say GET READY, what I really mean, in the kindest, simplest and most straightforward terms possible is: get conscious. no, I’m not talking about vaping out at a “spiritual retreat” or venturing into foreign lands to become “awakened”; the truth is, if you can’t awaken in your ordinary life, then you simply won’t awaken. tools such as the above that I jab at are merely…tools. they aren’t the THING. there are so many misconceptions about healing and consciousness, it is just incredible. that is why I write this blog.
so getting conscious. and again, what does that have to do with AI? first of all, getting conscious will prepare you for the truth. the truth, to you, may mean one thing right now. but when you are conscious, it will mean something ENTIRELY different. no, your personal moral compass will not change. just your awareness. I’ll get back to AI in a minute.
getting conscious can be provoked by doing a number of things — again, I list so many of them in my blog here. in the most basic ways, getting conscious can be set the tone for by things like plenty of sleep (and I mean PLENTY), plenty of water, very healthy foods, and exercise. that sounds like a total cliche but you would not believe how many people bypass the (above) absolute basics to even prep their mind to receive anything clean. and, whatever is sitting there (IN THE MIND), WILL multiply — whether it is good or not, and whether it is bad or not. if you can master the basics, there are of course other ways that you can grease your consciousness portal for clean delivery. unplug and be alone. I mean it. does it hurt to be alone? emotionally? psychologically? physically? without ANY electronic devices? well then, good. go and detox from one or both (preferably both) and FEEL those chemicals coming out. so many people can not do this. they are addicted to people and devices. and how in the FLOCK do you expect to get ANY true guidance, in this state? and if you can master the latter, in addition to the basics, then you can still take it further. I’ll let you pontificate on what would be right for you, because I will tell you that what is right for you (BEYOND AND AFTER all of the above, first) is whatever is the most exciting for you. yep. whatever most pleases you. maybe it’s creative. maybe it’s not. but probably creativity fuels it whether you recognize it as such, or not. and it is ONLY after we are clean portals can we ACTUALLY go and do what we enjoy, and be certain that it is not a bandaid or a drug that we are using to cover up the pain of the basics that we can’t master because we are actually addicts. (PS: everyone is an addict. in some way. to some thing. it’s just a matter of what, when, how, why, and coming to terms with such).
if and once you have some truth flowing through you — from YOUR CORE (and remember: this is NOT about making certain people, or certain GROUPS of people, right or wrong! if you are conscious, you are entitled to YOUR truth, and so is someone else! it is AMAZING to me that many people actually call themselves progressive and they are the most judgemental, ignorant flocks breathing!) — begin to note WHAT IS YOURS AND WHAT IS NOT. this is VERY hard to do. this is what I get paid to teach people. but, it can happen. if and when we are awake. there are subtleties that turn into major states of being. the trick is in identifying the subtleties. for example, when you wake up in the morning and have a disturbing foreign thought or feeling and you can not place it. well, how about how did it get there? if you are CONSCIOUS, you can take inventory and find out. and if you are conscious, you can figure out what devices were placed next to your head while you slept. or what messages you sent late at night before bed or what messages came in upon waking that you don’t even know you have, but that are SITTING IN YOUR LITTLE MAGICAL DEVICE. the messages, that are sitting in your little device, HAVE ALREADY BEEN DELIVERED TO YOU. your consciousness is synced to your devices. don’t believe me? try and do all of the above — spend time cleaning your antenna. get super, super clear. hear truth. THEN, compare that truth with foreign feelings. assuming you are not regressing into post-trauma (you should be in therapy for this! I don’t care if you can’t afford it — I used ALANON and similar support groups for years when I could not afford therapy! and now, I pay for therapy instead of owning a home!), you will be able to spot AI interference in your life. the drama, the lies, and the negativity that the little devices we wear and touch all day are designed to deliver straight through our consciousness and into our hearts. to continue, to divide and conquer us. it’s worked so far, hasn’t it?
are you able to have a conversation with someone totally different than you, who thinks looks and acts totally differently from you? no? then go do some work on yourself. it is not normal or healthy to surround yourself with ONLY people who think look and act like you. I look at my entire patient base — they could not be more “different”, in the outer world, each one of them; BUT, they are ALL THE SAME. they are all able to sit and converse, pleasantly disagree and agree to disagree on outer world matters, and still LOVE each other. we have just about NO adult examples of this on social media (where most people, and most young people, get their “news”). and it is dangerous. but it is AGENDA. the outrage that resides in people…where does that come from? sure, we catalog and “box” people because it makes us feel safe, when we do not know better…but AI (read my previous post to understand more) actually preys on and plays on our said human vulnerabilities. we do not have to allow this to be the case anymore.
if you are really evolved, and really invested in the things that you say you are invested in, then you should be able to, as let’s say for example a far right person to, go to a far left event and listen (NOT to change your mind, just to see if you can sit there and tolerate it and see the humanity in people). and if you are for example a far left person then you should be able to go to a far right event and listen AND DO EXACTLY THE SAME. what you MAY hear, is a lot of people, in each group, saying EXACTLY THE SAME THING. but using different words and experiences to say those things. that is, if you are able to HEAR them. there is simply no such thing as “one group” of people being more awake or evolved than another. but, AGENDA and deceit AS AN ENTITY lives more often than not in the designated “woke” and “fair” groups, that is for sure! it is how evil hides in plain sight! oh, the IRONY.
people say to me all of the time “do you live in Williamsburg?”. LOL! I get it, it’s because I wear the funny pilgrim hats and the vintage biker jackets and such. but why does that mean that I live in Brooklyn or would like, need to “dress the part” of the neighborhood that I live in? I mean, I’m not on an episode of Girls. but the point is, that people need to organize their thoughts (so that they can feel in control) about WHO SOMEONE IS based on how they look, what interests them, and what they believe. but that’s not who a person IS. I’ve NEVER “dressed the part” for anywhere that I’ve lived, and I’ve never picked a place because it’s “cool”. God that takes SO MUCH ENERGY. I feel exhausted just writing about it. what’s my point here? think less about the exterior and consider for a moment that you don’t know squat about someone’s inner world. unless you truly know squat about yours. which is unlikely. that takes work. and no it’s not an Ayahuasca retreat. it’s daily, conscious work to consider that we can not control the outer world by assuming things!
the New Moon is always a good time, when it comes, to consider new ways of living or being. I am not an astrology expert, but I can suggest a look at good old YouTube for some live references! I really enjoy information shared by Nadiya Shah, Kelley Rosano, and The Leo King. this weekend we are in for a new open portal of energy, which might really compliment our continued efforts to simply live, breathe, survive and THRIVE on this planet for the very short amount of time that we are here.
well, this year was one for the books for me as far as my own therapy with myself goes. I found an amazing person, one better than all of my heart’s desires could have conjured up in my own imagination, and they could not have come at a better time. my take on therapy (the REAL kind — traditional, psychoanalytical, classic, CBT style) is that everyone needs it. if you have never gone, because you think that it is reserved only for traumatized or otherwise crazy people, then you may be surprised to find out how many “together” people actually go. AND, it is the otherwise certifiably crazy people who NEVER go. and that is why, doing what I do, I have things like prerequisites. I am not interested in treating crazy people. my days of dealing with crazy people on a willful basis are long gone since learning that I simply didn’t have to. when I say crazy, I mean one thing: people who do not want to change — have no intention of changing — bottom-feed off of others to no end. these crazy people, appear normal. they even appear kind. parts of them can actually be or present as kind. they are not.
in one of my prerequisite books (for ANY service of mine, by the way), People of The Lie, Peck refers to all different types of people who lie — and part of his definition (which I would absolutely echo) in terms of “evil”, is people who lie to themselves.
people who lie to themselves are not only crazy, but they are consistent users. similar to narcissists, users can not and will not confront themselves. different from narcissists, users seem and appear to be very kind. feeble, even. however, congruent with narcissists, these people ALWAYS need help. with SOME kind of THING.
when speaking with my therapist earlier this year, they said something to me about how each of us (as in, my therapist and me) is terrible at spotting pathological liars because we SO DEEPLY feel and believe in other people’s truths. I know for a fact this is one of my blessing and curse hallmarks. and the only cure for it is to be leveled enough times, by a variety of different crazy people, to the point in which very little is left in the world that could surprise one. I think, hope, and pray that I am at this point in my life. spotting the disarray or imbalances in the lives of others is a cakewalk for me. it is always harder when it is my life, because the point of my existence would cease if I had no personal contrast hence growth to do. I am not alone in this, either. many of the people I see who are top in their field come to me with the SAME pains — “how could I not see this coming?” — in terms of being blindsided by people who lie to themselves. to stick with the point of this article, I am referring to users in particular.
for a very long time, I had assigned any feelings of anger or negative emotion that arose in me as “very bad”. so I simply blocked them and didn’t have them. of course, I would tolerate the anger of others and allow everyone else to have feelings and opinions. and then I began to learn that I chose very, VERY passive aggressive (aka users) people to spend my time with…and if you know anything about this, you know that a passive aggressive (i.e. controlling, VERY angry person who will almost never show it directly to anyone — they have all kinds of weird habits, instead, to take out their rage) person can drive the most sane, “together” person right up the wall. passive aggressive people, a very common almost totally consistent quality amongst users, are masters at their trade. their trade is designed to completely disown any part of themselves that they can not face. so, they feed their addiction (anything we hide from in shadow IS an addiction — as it becomes a thought pattern and relationship pattern) in other ways. they use people.
it was my dealing with passive aggressive people that I learned how my own anger was TELLING ME SOMETHING. since I was programmed to completely deny ANY anger in order to survive amongst crazies early in life, I had become SO GOOD at stifling it that it took some really shady characters to bring it to surface. I also learned, as it came up, and as I subsequently blamed myself for years simply for having it (not knowing that it was a HUGE red flag associated with the person I was involved with at the time!), that it ONLY came up and out in certain dynamics. I never cut, I never slept around, and I never used drugs: this meant, I HAD TO FEEL. anything other than feeling is the easy way out. period. this meant that I HAD to speak up for myself — journal it out — say it, and run the risk of being judged for being upset.
when I began to identify my patterns with passive aggressive people, I began to trust my feelings of anger more. but what I also learned, beyond the more “obvious” indicators that perhaps I was engaging with the WRONG type of person, is that there are LAYERS to how a “user” will ignite that fire. when I say layers, let me start with explaining “the nice person”.
this person is kind. they almost appear a little bit weak. there is a childlike quality to them. it doesn’t matter how old they are. and there are HALLMARKS associated with this person, that are not the first thing most people look for when identifying a user, because the hallmarks seem so secondary as compared to obvious cases of a “user” individual. peeling back the layers to identify such a person — one of a sneaky, crafty, manipulative order indeed — took me many years. I was friends with this kind of person, I worked with this kind of person, and this kind of person was always dead set on making “nice” with me — to draw blood.
HALLMARKS: 1) you immediately want to help this person. you don’t know why. 2) they have been “mistreated” — meaning, they have a sob story. you will usually hear about it right away, or within the first few times of meeting them. aka, they NEED something from you (or, anyone willing to give it to them). 3) they are nice. they can be really likeable. they are empathetic. they relate well to others — this is the part that seemingly separates or does separate them from a narcissist. it’s almost impossible to overlook their “good nature”…except for when you actually see beyond it (that part I will get to explaining in a bit). 4) they are noncommittal: they refuse to fully pursue their vocation (why bother, when they can exploit yours instead?). 5) they have several “back-ups” aka people who will take care of them if they fall down, but they are always acting as if they are all alone without any support. 6) they are really smart. they know a lot. maybe they have a ton of degrees. they manipulate this good fortune by using it as a mask — even a mask they wear for themselves. this serves to confuse all parties. 7) they have no game plan. and I mean NONE. or, if they do, it changes days or weeks later…in place just long enough to extract whatever “support” they need from you or anyone else. 8) they have major authority issues: anything that resembles an authority figure (leftover childhood trauma that they will not look at) cultivates major transference for them to the point where they turn around and create yet another new story, scenario, reason as to why their life is xyz and they need “help”. above all else, and woven into each of the 8 hallmarks I list above, is one key fact: THEY LACK COURAGE. lacking courage is not a personal disability: it is a sin, a choice, and a major defect of character designed solely to take advantage of other people. it is in THIS way, that people lie to themselves (hence you, believing them every step of the way until you notice your own anger rising up, out of “nowhere”) and commit the evil act of such. again, have a cover to cover read through my prerequisites to understand more of this (or, just read through my blog).
lacking courage is the over-arching theme or hallmark of a user. but, unless you know what details (as in the 8 hallmarks I noted) to look for, you may miss it. I have missed it so many times. until I decided I was so flocking sick of missing it, that I didn’t want to miss it ever again and I was willing to do whatever it takes (like be an island until I figure it all out!) to understand it. there is an extremely lazy quality to users, but they will mask it will all kinds of things: mostly, knowledge. this can be confusing, because it may seem like this person is just having a bad trip in life. but it continues. it never ends. their story changes in minor ways, but it’s always the same. and at the center of it: they refuse to choose a vocation. meaning, let’s say their vocation is to work in a shoe store. and yes, that is a fine vocation. but they won’t choose it. because they refuse to be in alignment with themselves. BECAUSE BEING IN ALIGNMENT REQUIRES A PERSON TO SEE THEIR TRUTH, THEIR MIRROR AS WELL AS CONFRONT THE TRAUMA THAT THEY LIKELY HAVE. so, they avoid shoe stores and work at snack bars instead. making up nonstop excuses about why they will not go to the shoe store, they undoubtedly use one or all 8 hallmarks as masks. the fact is, going to the shoe store would mean that they are aligning with their truth. that is impossible, willfully, for a user. why live in truth, when it is much easier to extract juice from YOU?
now here is where it gets interesting. you are fooled. you may have known this person for a number of years, even. empathizing with them all along the way. but, undoubtedly, feeling a CERTAIN way as time goes by — yet blaming YOURSELF. for being judgmental. not giving enough. not selfless enough HA!!!!!!! remember that you are fooled because users, like narcissists, lie to themselves on such a base level that they actually believe it. don’t make me reference some of this year’s news as examples, please. but it’s all out there to see, to observe, when someone actually commits to their lies. in the case of a user, you will give them CONCRETE ways out of their “situation”; yet, they will find a way to manipulate the conversation so that you almost forgot or even DID forget what you were talking about! they talk in circles…nothing is ever a straight line. they can’t commit to plans — again, because that would denote alignment, and having to look at themselves (and their trauma). so you may find yourself beating yourself up, and going in circles with this crazy person who you thought was so nice. until something breaks.
what broke for me in these situations was an unstoppable anger that seemed to come out of “nowhere”, and the self awareness to acknowledge that ANGER MEANS SOMETHING (I’ll give you a hint: YOU ARE BEING LIED TO). particularly when you find yourself trying to figure out the anger (users and narcissists simply DO NOT DO THAT – rather, they stay in sick relationships and life circumstances because it is EASIER THAN FEELING ANYTHING), you will realize that you are onto something that maybe isn’t about you. or, it is, in the sense that you leave tons of food for users to eat. this has been my lesson. it’s still my lesson. I either gravitated toward users or they gravitated toward me, but it was and is up to me to notice the clues. and the clues usually come after you have had a “never ever again” moment. I’ve had a few. and in the final moments, you don’t lose your cool — rather, you are satisfied because such a puzzle or life pattern “finally makes sense”. it may be embarrassing for some of us (including myself) to admit that we woke up one day and realized that we were surrounded by users, but it’s ok. when you have a lot to give, from your core, and you live in authenticity, you will find yourself in the midst of a feeding frenzy. it is also important to note that people who have a lot to give, who are self reflective, AND empathetic, simply get taken through the meat grinder a few times before they line up with their fate/destiny or vocation as it relates to the collective — this is called AN INITIATION. I’ve had many.
it is embarrassing for me (ok well maybe not really, since I write freely about it) to say that I have woken up many times and realized “oh my God. everyone around me is mental. or a user. what have I done to create this?”. and I have had to re-examine my many ways of allowing that pattern to cultivate. by giving too much — out of habit, out of poor training about my self worth (self worth is different from SELF CONFIDENCE, BY THE WAY!), and simply out of JOY of seeing others happy. it genuinely makes me happy to share and know that I can make another person happy. not everyone is wired this way! and if you are wired this way, you find it impossible to believe that everyone else is NOT wired this way. we see the world through our own lens only. and it is those who have the most to give, the most to cherish, who often find out last that no, not everyone else is running around giving (reminder: there are those who APPEAR to give — and it is such a farce — and you will spot it if this article makes any sense to you).
in the last year or so my tank has been extremely low. I kept running into the same issues, over and over. and I had to work really, really hard to identify my blind spots. some of them were really simple: I had people around me who took until I had nothing left, but they didn’t care — because they were users. I was afraid to line up with someone as “big” as me, because I felt undeserving. I was afraid of my power (yes that can be a real thing). I was in programmed mode – meaning, I NEVER knew what it felt like to receive. sad yes, but also very true.
so when I began to identify a seemingly elusive, “out of nowhere” ANGER toward a particular person (this could be anyone — someone I just met, or a person I knew for some time), I had to get real. instead of turning it on myself as I had always done (the opposite of what a narcissist or crazy person will do), I decided to start listening to it. talking about it in therapy, to see if I was deluding myself about the people I had around me. and I found out, many times unfortunately, that I had created the same pattern that was always there from my first breath. surrounded by users, ready to eat me up and drink me up at any chance. but, HOW TO SPOT THIS?
so I listed the 8 hallmarks. there is more to it. these people will NEVER PUT THEMSELVES OUT THERE with regard to their “dreams”, “skills”, or “goals”. they have a real victim quality to them, that is hard to suss out concretely (because they are smart). and, as I said, they seem or maybe are (but I don’t honestly know how this could be true), really “nice”. they will listen to your problems. but not without tallying a balance of what you owe them. they will keep stock of anything they did for you in the event that you stop feeding them supply that is not reciprocal. often, this comes in the form of money. users have SUCH lack mentality, that they either refuse to work (except they have all kinds of stories around this), or they have money and won’t touch it (I know multi-millionaires and beyond, like this — they are not broke, but they are poor as hell). because money is an energy, they have a really bad relationship with it. for example. they will ALWAYS let you take the check. even as they say “are you sure?”, you will note how their unconscious language is doing a victory dance with no intention of sharing in the energy exchange with you. I literally had a friend, older than me, “smarter” than me as they would describe it, in a “better position” than me financially at the time, accept every single time I offered to pay. why? oh, all kinds of stories. ALL KINDS. but their favorite thing to note about me, was “you just have the will to do things that others don’t” — effectively, this was their bargaining excuse for why I should have to pay for everything and they shouldn’t have to share in it. it was a manipulative compliment, at best. and it confused me. like crazy people and liars, users will confuse the living FLOCK out of you! and it wasn’t just this one friend. it happened with TONS of people. even groups of people. and when I look back, I think, what WAS I thinking? well, in this regard, I wasn’t.
users will place you “above” them in terms of “having it easy” or “being stronger” than them or “most people” in life. this is so that they can keep committing the sins they commit by having the world take care of them. and they will always find a way to do it. keep in mind that it usually comes in the form of flattery, and insinuation that you are just “luckier” than they are. you will also notice that users have like TONS of people backing them — just, none of them know each other! I like to introduce people to one another. I am not afraid of them banding together and talking about me, because if they are crazy then I have cleared a path; and if they are amazing, then I have strengthened an army of light. it usually goes in one direction or another anyhow, as like attracts like. rarely do users attract other users, because then they would stand to gain nothing. users also do not introduce you, to anyone — because they are using all of you at the same time.
users constantly complain about their life circumstances, but do absolutely NOTHING to fix them. for example, they may have addict family members who are unwilling to get well, so they are always busy with that. or, they may have “abusive partners” they are never willing to leave. or, they may have terrible luck “finding a job”, because at the end of the day, they refuse their actual God-given talent and vocation and resort to jobs they hate and either get fired from or “can’t find”. or, they are the relentless artist, who “just needs a break” 20 years later. right. I’ve met ALL OF THESE PEOPLE. and at their core, they have one thing in common: extract your energy, time, and money!
people who try to violate my protocol, for example (and I am referring to the ones who have seen it and bypass it anyhow) are tell-tale examples of users. users hate boundaries of any sort, because boundaries require WORK. remember that users are EXTREMELY lazy (but they would convince you otherwise!). in a strong sense, users are addicts. an addict is someone who will NOT derive from their own supply — they simply REFUSE — so they use that of others. that is why being with a user is so exhausting. their very own self-made misery is part of their substance. their left-over unresolved conflict with their abusive families or otherwise is their substance, because they can’t “move on”. their friend who didn’t give them a hand-out is their substance. their chronic mystery illness is their substance. their recent breakup of many years ago is their substance. anything that is not within their own toolbox is their substance. and they NEVER. LOOK. WITHIN.
a user will default almost immediately to childlike communications such as they learned early on with their dysfunctional family (which is what they come from) when confronted by you in ANY way. you will become the villain IMMEDIATELY (or else they look at themselves and what they “do” to extract energy from other people) if you confront a user. they will drive you all over the road until your head is spinning in correspondence or conversation — just like your head would spin when talking to an addict. they say one thing, but the communication is really another thing. any threat of authority makes them take off and run like a bat out of hell — because they do not trust any authority figure (often why they are not employable). dealing with a user, in my experience, is worse than dealing with an addict, because dealing with an active addict presents a more obvious and shorter communications life span. a user, however, with no “tangible” issues, can drag you around for a really long time. a user is your friend of 20 years who has just had “too many hard breaks” and so people cave in and help them rather than confront the storyline.
they use other people’s time, money and energy, without a thought or care in the world. they never, ever say “I’ll get this check”. they never give you anything unless it is bait to help them with something. they never apologize or self-reflect (EVER). and finally, they can not engage in ANY sort of debate or confrontation: you might as well speak Swahili to them.
I decided to write this as I reflected upon the last few years of my life, and tons of lessons. I reached a point, many times over these years, when I felt I had nothing left inside of me to give and I could not figure out why. it was really hard, it has been really hard, to look around and acknowledge that I was more comfortable giving that I was receiving, and see how I manifested many of these patterns. but, they are real. and the willingness to acknowledge them ALSO requires that we be willing to “go life alone” AGAIN, for a time. well, so what. I speak for myself and probably many other people when I say that I have a few good, true, long-time true blue friends who I do not have to “be” anything for, in order for them to love me. I can’t tell you how good that feels, particularly to someone who has spent time ending the above old pattern with users. we also have to be willing to acknowledge that others (users, for example) will not like us. I know some people don’t like me. and I also know that it says everything about them — not me. fortunately, I am willing to be disliked. I am fine being disliked. my very first therapist (she was a really nice lady) I saw at age 26 said to me on our first day “you know what the best day of my life was? when I woke up and didn’t care what anyone thought”. I remember thinking, at that time, “I can’t imagine…”. now, I can imagine. I don’t care either.
much of society is sick. that’s just a fact. I would say everyone needs therapy. but only a certain portion of the population is really willing to go. why? because it takes COURAGE. in order to exercise courage, we need to not lie to ourselves. in order to not lie to ourselves, we have to rely on ourselves. some people are simply willing to rely on others. not me. so, if you find yourself with a user, pay extra attention to this article here. perhaps you, yourself, can benefit from therapy to understand how and why you end up in the positions that I shared above. after all, unless you are a narcissist (they can always spot users and other narcissists quite easily!!! – because they are looking in mirrors), or a user, you might have picked up some patterns from society, a “system” of some sort, or your family that are not serving you. life is so different, and so freeing when we are not bogged down with extra body weight that does not belong to us. and when that happens, cheers to better nights sleeps and more productive days — aka a totally different life than it was perhaps even just months prior.
many years ago I went to a Shaman. it was before I fully launched Healing Elaine®, and it was around the time that I was hopping from “guru” to “guru”, or “seer” to “seer”. some of them were fantastic and still are — the people who have their feet planted firmly on the ground. examples that come to mind: Caroline Myss. others, such as the example I am going to share, were/are wonderful people, except for one thing…they suffered from martyr complex and it killed them in one way or another.
the night after I met with the Shaman, way uptown in Manhattan, I had a really religious experience. this person, during our session that day, had blown my life force or soul’s essence back into a very specific area on my heart through a crystal of sorts. this person worked a lot with animal spirit energy and their animals were present and soothing during the session. the session itself, much like what my actual sessions ARE, was called a “soul retrieval”. the idea was, that this person could assist me in returning some of the pieces of my soul, to my actual body. now, I believe in this stuff. my therapist would call it one thing. I would call it another. and a corporate person on wall street would call it something else. a priest would call it something else. but it’s all the same thing. it’s all physics, and it contains intention. after the session with the Shaman I awoke in the middle of the night with a piercing, stabbing, and unforgettable sharp shooting pain in my heart – RIGHT at the spot that they blew the essence back into my body. as a constant skeptic (I really have to see things to believe them myself – despite and perhaps negating my image because of what I do for work), I expected from the session at worst to feel nothing and at best to feel comforted by the Shaman. but as with a few other fortunate experiences I had in the spiritual domain up until that point, I got more than comfort. the pain, though sharp and blatant, was cathartic. half asleep and half awake, I knew what this pain was. it was more than a physical feeling. my body and my mind were relaxed enough to receive what I was intended to receive: MYSELF. I never forgot that Shaman.
many years later, my practice was super successful. the Shaman heard about it. and they called me for help. I thought, how oddly and how quickly life can change. this person, who I was once bewildered by and had revered, now needed my assistance. I told them sure, come through, for free. I didn’t feel right charging them since they were outside the scope of my protocol and how I usually worked — knowing nothing about a person in advance, which was and is my protocol. so the Shaman came through. and before they did, I got what I always receive before sessions: a lot of info. physically. emotionally, psychologically. it knocked me over. I was so so so sick before they arrived. I do not know how I made it through that session. and during it, I had one MAJOR piece of advice for this Shaman: take back your stuff. take back what was stolen from you by your blood line, by the people who you trusted the most. simply take it BACK. nothing more, nothing less. and since energy can neither be created nor destroyed, I did not find this to be such an outrageous suggestion. in fact, within me, it was much more than a suggestion. it was a mandate. this person had been stolen from in ways that I was unfortunately familiar with. their entire life was eroding — physically. they were physically ill. and they had just come to me on a near-clinical diagnosis. I knew in SECONDS, that I could help this person. and I also knew that if they did not follow my advice, they would die very soon. they didn’t follow my advice.
I didn’t hear about their passing right away when it happened, but I knew right then and there in that session that they were going to get very sick, very fast, and die. the reason is, they had a really intense martyr complex. they followed some scripture, I’m not sure but I think it was Christian (not that it matters – and by the way, I grew up in Bible school…Bible camp in summers…church choir…Christmas pageants…Sunday services…Confirmation…you get the idea; so I am not poo-pooing it at all), and they trusted the scripture more than hearing the voice of their own soul. and it didn’t matter what I said. in fact, when I said what I did, that they needed to reclaim themselves in xyz way and SEND “IT” BACK, they became visibly uncomfortable and angry. I was taken aback, but also overcome with deep knowing. knowing of what was to come, and knowing that I was in a place of seeing that I never anticipated. for it was all so clear to me. I think I filed that encounter into my unconscious mind in order to move forward and keep working without feeling responsible for what I knew to be imminent.
a month or two after the session that the Shaman came to see ME for, I started to receive go fund me requests from their email address. during our session they were not in any medical diagnosis — though I saw it coming — but within a month or two their illness was full blown and categorized. this was their fear (and reason for) when coming to see me — that they would get sick. and I knew what would stop it: they had to learn, even at their older age, when it is not appropriate for the soul to be a martyr. they didn’t want to learn. why? because it forced them to look at things differently. it required a MASSIVE ego death. their mind was comfortable with their “role” — the good person, the self-sacrificer, the VICTIM. now, there was nothing outwardly “victim” about this person. in fact I found them to be quite strong, and appear so. they did a ton of community work to uplift marginalized communities and individuals. but their ways of being was pure victim. and I see it constantly. people get sick sometimes because it’s easier. plain and simple. some people develop entire personalities around illness because it controls other people. obviously that was not this case. but the point is, that it was easier for this person to become sick and die than it was to change. their role in life was too important to them. and so it goes for many of us.
I see a fundamental difference in my practice between those who send back the shit that was dealt to them — hence reclaiming themselves (nothing more, and nothing less) –, and those who refuse because it’s HARD. I had a patient a long time ago who was with an unfaithful partner. I knew it and they knew it. but they wouldn’t confront it, and it was the type of infidelity that really bothered them. but not enough to see as truth. so they got sick instead. and they wanted my help, even though they would not listen to me. people don’t listen, because it’s hard on the mind. it’s hard to change our thought patterns. take all of the ayahuasca you want, it’s not going to change your core processing. that is something that can only be earned by true sober efforts. and a martyr complex is one for the BOOKS. and, I can relate. I’m just not willing (and never have been willing) to sell out and ruin my life over it (particularly since that’s already been done). I am quite happy to take my stuff back. from ANYONE.
when we don’t listen to our soul, and when we live for others, it’s because we are lazy. we are not righteous, “better”, or kinder. in fact, we are weak and selfish in this way. we would like to think of ourselves as better, because it is more convenient for the mind that way. but really, it’s an excuse. if we live an entire lifetime in a martyr role, and then we wake up at 40 or 50 and we are told to change it, many of us would rather throw in the towel than do the work that it requires to become a different person — the person we were designed to be. and so the Universe, the Gods, the whomever will create the contrast necessary for us to understand what we have done. how we have gone against ourselves, yet again. because now it isn’t just living to “benefit” others by being “the better person”…it is living against ourselves because it is too hard to be sovereign. and THAT, my friends, is a sin.
moral teachings, religious scripture and the like, is all open for interpretation. just like anything else in this world. and it is up to us HOW we interpret that information. we can use it to assist us in a good way, or we can use it to assist us in a bad way and call it something else in order to lie to ourselves about who we really are and what we are willing to believe about who we are. and every time I think of the Shaman, or anyone else I have met who is willing to forego the needs and calling of their very own soul because it is easier to accommodate the nefarious wishes of another, I am reminded of how martyrdom kills. what brings life, rather, is our ability to see truth. and THAT…is a seemingly (to me) and hopefully emerging reality for our planet at this time. one that I can’t wait for much longer.
I literally launched Healing Elaine® while I was in housing court. literally. a lot of people (who don’t know me) have questioned my path, my success, my supposed handouts or “luck”, because they do not know me or the facts and some have said that I make things “look easy”. things are never easy. at least not the things that pertain to our destiny, or walking into our destiny itself. I also want to make clear how valid, equally important and powerful our destiny may be simply by existing — we are often subject to thinking or believing that we have to “achieve” in order to matter, and that is simply not the case. although I fall partially into that category and it is something I work on within myself, I also DO know that my path is specific — and it simply happens to involve tangible “achieving”. oh how I have wished, many times while on this planet, to be able to be “normal” – to live a life and walk through a life in which I do not feel the internal pressure or desire to live out a specific purpose. but, that fire has been there since I was 18 months. I exactly remember knowing and feeling a fire, as a toddler, in my bedroom during playtime. this specific life-force within me — despite all of the twists and turns and horror I have dealt with in my life — has never left me in terms of reminding me that it was/is there to contend with for outer world purpose no matter what I do. and I suppose a lot of that fire/”drive”/life-force has much to do with where I am today. but let me get back to my point.
if you have read any of my eBooklets or much of my blog, you will get a feel for my path. I have “failed”, hundreds of times, at hundreds of things. I felt like a failure when, after a 5 star education, I could not keep the lights on in my apartment. but, I also knew my challenges — internally and externally — which contributed to that, but perhaps most importantly, the RECOGNITION that perhaps my “failures” had more to do with communicating to me my purpose versus standing in front of me as punishment. once I began to move past the self-shame and guilt around my difficulties, the lights turned on – literally and figuratively. I struggled for years and years after college — part of this was in thanks to VERY clear and bad/sadistic messaging I received early on and throughout my entire life around taking care of myself and deserving ANYTHING at all — to make ends meet. to eat, to keep a roof over my head, and to accomplish the things I wanted to accomplish. since I was not allowed free rent, I constantly had to think on my feet. I was too busy, and under to much pressure, to be “uninspired” (though I certainly had periods of “WHAT DO I DO NEXT?”). and every year there seemed to be a challenge or road block of which I had to conquer, for the purpose of my inner world as well as outer world, in order to “initiate” to the next level in my life. the Universe always seemed to allow me to get JUST FAR ENOUGH before it slammed me with another lesson. this continued to develop my own spirit as well as character and personal understanding of myself, the world, and how those two things combined. with all of that said, it was 2008 when I dove deep into understanding how metaphysics and the intangible realms would actually fit into my life — a matter I had been debating since 2003. I was broke, had just gone through a breakup, and I was outlining 3 major things for “the rest of my life” each day on paper: my creative career, my healing career, and my business/entrepreneurship career. I literally wrote out my first, middle, and last name on paper each day — each name corresponded to the part of me that I would work toward. since NO ONE of us is unilateral or linear (aka fits in a box), of course I had more than one category. in fact, I think we could all be broken up into at least 3 said categories, relative to our personality/desire/purpose. for me, in 2008, I began to try to boil each category/pot. and, kind of at the same time — until each one came to sort of a simmer. this is to say that in 2008 I outlined my acting career, my healing and writing career, and my career as a producer/entrepreneur — a combination of the first two names, with a little something extra.
I started it all by finding a way to keep that roof over my head. this also meant no more corporate work (I left that behind in 2006), so I had to think about what I could tolerate as well as what I enjoyed. so, I worked 3 jobs around that time; I waited tables and bartended, I did a ton of stand-in and photo double work on tv and film (alongside many one-off odd jobs such as a look-book model for various clothing brands, a Pucci body-paint model at Bar Mitzfahs, etc), and I did small production jobs pro-bono so that I could start building a resume in that territory. I probably worked 20 different jobs during any given quarter of the year. I also started to see people for healings — at that time, I didn’t know what to call “it”/the healings, so I would say “ok come over at 6pm. we will walk to the east river, talk through your problems, and I will work on your energy field”. and I would do that. I started with friends and acquaintances. I would talk to them for a couple of hours and lay my hands on them. I would hear their outcomes and be astounded at how quickly things moved for them. but it was nothing new — I had done this sort of “thing” my entire life already! I just wasn’t getting paid for it. I juggled the latter with all of the above, and was always still stressed about how to pay the rent. I was also not ready to announce myself in a healing capacity, though many other wonderful healers or intuitives who I had spoken with around that time continued to suggest to me that I do. I was not ready to come out of that closet though (mostly unsure of how to present it all), and I was gathering my data to do so. I wanted to create a baseline, no matter how big or small — it just had to feel steady to me — of experience in enough categories to “launch” myself. I attended a number of “new age” events within which I learned hard lessons about “spiritual” and “new age” communities — basically I was/am not a fan and learned that just because someone has an “ability” (we all do, by the way), it did/does not make them a better or noble or even good person. it just made them a person. during this time I also focused all of my efforts on landing a real tv role, and I did — I landed on a soap opera just as I had lit an intention candle for every night for 2 years. alongside this tv role, I beat the pavement, waking up for 5am tv set calls and worked 16 hour days for my unseen roles as a stand-in or photodouble. I rented my studio (a SHARE) to strangers from craigslist and thankfully no one was crazy…I was being looked out for by the man upstairs (call it God, the Universe, whatever you like). I put in the grind and I knew that I had about 2 years in each “category” of me until I could start piecing an actual business together. I might note as well, that while I was doing all of this, it was all on faith. I had no “proof” that my life would work out. every day my faith was tested. in many ways. IT STILL IS.
by 2009 I had fully achieved my acting goal for that time, moved away from that somewhat to focus on my consulting business, and started to figure out how to tie in healing/helping people. each time I got to where I wanted to go, the floor would drop out from under me again. the tests were endless. I would be backed up on rent, unable to eat, or whatever. but never once did I think “I need (a lot of) money to start a business”…I just knew that I needed to keep walking. after all, I had succeeded on very little to nothing, as well as very little support from my outer world. in 2011, when I first came out of the Healing Elaine® closet, I ordered my business cards that just said “Elaine” on them; I had a stack for “Aryn Elaine” for my creative pursuits, a stack that said “Elaine” for my metaphysical/alternative medicine/healing pursuits, and a stack that said NYRA Productions™ for my entrepreneurship/business entity. it was also around this time that I was still working several jobs (I, at this point in 2011, had a retail job, part-time liquor/wine sales jobs, was in a rock band, and had my own consulting company gigs) that barely put the rent together. I wondered when things would ever get easier. I prayed every day. I practiced the art of surrender and being present, daily — not anything new, since I spent most of my early childhood exactly in that state of prayer. friends suggested that I aim lower in terms of lowering my standards for living — that I move out of Manhattan (where I KNEW I needed to be), in order to afford more. I refused — in my mind, I couldn’t understand why someone’s goal would be to regress versus level up — I simply needed to do better, and that is what I focused on…while living and being where I felt I needed to be. I continued to rent out my tiny space to kind strangers and share it with them and my animals. I continued to work several jobs. and volunteer. I just. kept. walking. and then, when I was finally internally ready to “launch” “Elaine” to the world, I found office space by bartering my consulting skills. there were times in which I literally could not afford a subway card, and I had to walk 70 blocks to my office to see patients. it was also again during this time, that I was late on rent one-too-many times, that my landlord had had it with me and continued to find ways to bring me into housing court. THIS is the time that my business exploded, because things could not get much more difficult for me, and so I surrendered fully to the notion that what lives within us can not be destroyed — and when we leap, the net will appear. the net, of course, being support, money, or whatever. so I leapt — in my heart, in my mind, and with no concept of needing “money”.
I continued all of the above, every day, like a solider. I also knew that building an ACTUAL client base (this was pre-instagram, thankfully, and no I would NEVER have “purchased” a company on such a platform anyhow) was crucial to moving along. I knew that actual human relationships are what build any business, and I needed them. so I kept doing it. I kept working. from the quality calls that came in off of my crappy free wordpress website with an ugly background that I did not even know how to change. I spent hours per day making sure that I was visible online. I left business cards all over Manhattan. I walked. I starved some days. I felt like a LOSER in housing court on those several occasions (for anyone who ever questions the history of my details I have endless embarrassing documents of proof) and just breathed through it as lawyers and judges literally shamed me in front of the courtroom. I knew what I had inside of me. and I knew that one day they would know it too.
so I was still broke. but after a time, I began to accrue a reputation – not so much online, but offline…the most important kind of solid reputation to build. I was developing a cool army of wonderful people who knew what I did and we cared about one another and our respective paths. and it just kept going from there.
what does a person need money for when starting a business? I mean, really? you don’t need money for an idea — that should be the whole point of giving birth to a business: it comes from within you. you don’t need money for space — you can barter your other skills for that space, or find a way to barter with your idea as it should be good enough or your reasons for bartering your idea should be good enough (where there is a will with integrity, there is ALWAYS a way). and you don’t need money for marketing — businesses are not built on marketing!!! sure, marketing GROWS a business, but if you start without a business, you are paying for the illusion of a business. and as you will witness in the near-future, [they] are most certainly not built on social media (a massive fallacy that is going to crumble). businesses are built on 1) ideas 2) thinking outside of the box when there are no resources — because again, resources are a smoke and mirror for the real work that needs to be done 3) success cases/testimonials. if you are selling a product, or you have an idea for a product like many friends of mine, then SELL THAT PRODUCT before you have it. yes, there is a way to do this. it’s called create one sample. ONE SAMPLE. i.e. one coffee mug. one healing session. one face mask serum. JUST ONE…and sell it to somebody. you can be living in your grandmother’s basement (hopefully not rent free — because the temptation to become lazy will be there!) and do this! you don’t need all of the outer-world “fixings” and illusions of “success” to do this. what is stopping you? an excuse, I tell you.
I have had close friends and acquaintances who are otherwise really intelligent people. they went to the ivies, or whatever. they are not the ones who have access to old money or any money (like so many of these “venture capital” firms started by 20 year olds out of xyz sexy University — that’s not necessarily called starting a company, that’s called calling up connections and potentially putting on a farce…and it happens…). and they are so full of excuses (bottom line: they are afraid – like any human would be, but at a certain point we must move beyond this and stop the fake complaining…such as when our difficulties finally and actually outweigh our fear!), it is amazing. I have said to them, “what would you do if you had that 10k? or that 100K?” and usually they have NOTHING to say that they could not ALREADY start that company with — with ZERO dollars.
I started Healing Elaine® during the hardest years of my life. spiritually, emotionally, and certainly tangibly — and perhaps that destruction is the best kind of “luck” that I could have had in launching an incredible business. and the truth is, I still struggle. when I began making what I call “grownup money” — i.e. I could pay the rent, help out friends and other small business and make donations to animal non-profits and such, I actually put EVERY SINGLE DOLLAR back into my business. to grow it. to protect it (with legal, clerical and logistical services). I never saved. I maxed out all of my credit cards. I have always accrued debt to keep the machine moving, and I did it all in the name of my purpose, my business, my “destiny”. I don’t regret any of it. the biggest investment that we can make is in ourselves yes, but also as well as the services of others who can help us grow. MY CURRENCY WAS AND IS MY SERVICE. I also invest a ton of money into every single session that I do now — because I want it to be the best experience possible. I don’t cut corners and I don’t worry about going broke and being homeless — that has already happened. I can always be broke, but I will never be poor. and there is nothing that is left to be taken from me in this world, literally or figuratively. so the one thing that can never be taken is my business. your business. because a business is not only an intangible at heart, an idea, a service, but a testimony to your path and destiny on this planet. even if you were to lose “it” all today or start from nothing tomorrow, your business would still be there. and you do not need money for that.
in 2003-2004 I discovered two important people. one of them is Dr. Caroline Myss, and the other author M. Scott Peck. during this period of my life, I had recently come out of my first official dark night of the soul. I was rendered homeless with my tiny cat and garbage bags of belongings as I borrowed time on a very kind acquaintance’s couch in Greenwich, CT. I write about the events surrounding this initial call to hear my own spirit, in my eBooklet 1. you can download it off of my website www.healingelaine.com/shop or under the shop tab if the link gives you trouble. as I regained my sense of self and stability after having it nefariously pursued over — and over — and over again by those who were supposed to love and support me, I found myself again diving deep into what I loved as a small child: reading.
in 2003-2004 I was a young person, with little corporate experience but a whole lot of life experience. I knew that although “other” was an interest of mine, that I had to be taken seriously before I stepped into my world purpose. this meant to me that I had to build an actual real world life for myself – which meant, I was interested in learning the actual mechanics of how people work versus escaping my body through my psyche to solve problems (i.e. fortune-telling, psychic readings, etc). I fantasized, during this time, about setting up my healing practice but I knew it was too soon. I have always been a grounded person (hi, I am a Capricorn with a Taurus Rising and an Aquarius Moon – can you tell?), but again my destiny is something that always seemed to negate “typical”. as I focused on building a career in corporate America to stabilize myself and navigate the “real world” (also so that later on, “normal” people could relate to me and me to them in this way), and move away from the chaos that had pursued and followed me my entire life, I came across the two amazing authors. I was able to meet Caroline at a book/CD signing in New York City one year. her work met me at an impasse in my life that changed the way I felt about myself, and everything around me — it connected to all that I already knew within me in a way that is hard to put into words, and I do share about this in another post dedicated to her. during this time I also encountered (for the life of me, I do not know how — I must have simply been reading a lot at this time, or really, really seeking) the work of M. Scott Peck. I read People of the Lie in 2004. I can’t say that I remember much about the book in terms of particulars in terms of reading it at THAT point in my life, because I was still largely unconscious at that time in my life, sorting through my trauma and being in my early 20s. what I can say, is that I held onto his books (all of which I still have), and that they made enough of an impression to process something, somewhere, in the back of my mind that connected dots to my own personal truth and understanding. in a nutshell: I resonate with both of the above authors and particularly Peck’s book People of the Lie.
I read this book again recently, for the first time since 2004, and it hit me like a ton of bricks: the content in this book, while not even remembering some of the stories in it from the first time I read it, matches much of my intrinsic compass and the way that I have unwittingly approached my work with others. as you may have read in other posts of mine, I never wanted to complete my psychology degree in college. for a variety of reasons. my entrance essay to both Boston University and Northeastern University, the only two schools I applied to and both of which I was accepted, was based on growing up surrounded by narcissism, depression, despair, addiction, abuse, and how it relates to the human condition — aka my hellish life experience until the glorious day when I was 18 and got to leave it all behind. I do not believe I was astute enough with my writing at that time to put all of those concepts and experiences in the same context that I would now. but I recall thinking “my grades are not that good, because since sophomore year I attended school as little as possible…I dropped all of my extra-curricular activities…maybe this essay is the only thing that will get me into these schools because someone reading it will connect to me”.
this book is a key ingredient to understanding human evil. the incredible paradox in which we currently reside, socially and otherwise on our planet, can be attributed in much depth to much of what this book discusses (and much of what my own personal writing discusses). in other words, we are confused creatures and we assign “evil” to certain ideas, labels, structures or personalities, when, in fact, it is MUCH more insidious than that.
my own personal understanding of evil, with which I have GREAT unfortunate experience, is simply: someone who lies to themselves. they are aware of the lies. they will die for the lies. they are 100% committed to the evil. the lies allow what is hidden, what is dark, to persist and corrode all that surrounds them. someone who lies to others but not to themselves (which is, let’s be honest, something we all do – we all lie, big or small, at some point and in different ways) can be free from evil. if we were not in the flesh, we could possibly be free from our lies. but we are not; we are incarnate physical beings. this, requires a level of personal honesty to be free from evil (darkness). I have always had an appreciation for those who, though perhaps I don’t care for personality-wise, are honest. this is because I always know what I am getting from them. it’s a clean feeling, even if there is a feeling of dislike or even a strong difference in beliefs. I can deal with that which I can see. I have always had an aversion — physically, and otherwise — to that which I can not see. this is evil manifest. and as the book People of the Lie points out, IT IS EVERYWHERE.
our collective moral compass is shot, but it’s an individual responsibility to change it. as we change, everything around us changes. we can blame the media, we can blame a celebrity, or we can blame our past — but if we lie to ourselves, we ARE the problem. the ability to stand alone in truth is something very few people are willing to do — because it is hard and lonely. you can be attacked, brutally, for it. many people lie to themselves. they cave to temptation. money-fame-attention: falsities. and they seem like good people. great people, even. they hide behind non-profit work. church. law. social spheres. but they can’t actually hide forever. because as more people awaken to their own core, this darkness is exposed.
I have written about and posted about my own ideas of evil. evil will never seek therapy, unless it is under the guise of proving something to someone else or manipulating the therapist himself. evil will never actually have a bottom line. evil serves to CONFUSE. have you ever felt confused by someone? as in, they are saying A, but why do you feel B? they are presenting “evidence”, which makes sense and seems to add up on the surface, but you feel otherwise? that is evil. and it runs deep. and it corrupts entire souls and human beings. I’m not being religious here, I am being scientific. but you can apply this notion to whatever context most pleases you. most of you don’t actually know what evil is, because you have been exposed to it SO OFTEN that you are confused. but the important part is how you deal with yourself, within yourself. that is the key. the redemption. THE FREEDOM. I wrote about this a bit here, on how we fail in life because we want to be liked.
with all of this said, in addition to the other two prerequisite books that I have requested anyone who inquires about working with me to read in advance, I now add a third: People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck. it is also highly suggested, if you want to work with me in some capacity, that you have been in traditional psychotherapy for at least one year. I don’t want to see people who go from ayahuasca ceremony to tea ceremony to yoga retreat to breathing retreat to meditation retreat one after the next after the next after the next, simply as a means to LEAVE THEIR BODY and never actually look at themselves. thankfully I do not attract those folks anyhow (they would likely be turned off simply by my writing, or my eyes and make some sort of projection). I have attracted a few in the past, particularly early on in my work, and they are never satisfied with what I have to say. because they can’t hear the truth. leaving your body is not truth. we do not meditate to lose ourselves (you might as well be a drug addict), we meditate to connect to ourselves. TO OUR PERSONAL TRUTH. this book is grounding, and I am a fan. the most successful cases I have had, whether consulting personally for an individual or for their business, includes those who are grounded enough to tether themselves to the psychological work realms; meaning, they are talented therapists themselves, or they are or have been actively in therapy (with a good, traditional CBT therapist — as you may note, there are really bad ones. and I’ve seen them on my journey), OR, they are simply open to therapy (aka facing the facts).
although my words are direct and may seem to resound with thunder at times, it is because of my deep passion for lending a hand to individual and collective human experience. I am just a human myself, imperfect and always learning, but I won’t ignore the fire within me that never dies. it is the fire that I was put here on earth to burn, and it supersedes all that is false. I trade off a lot to keep this fire burning. it is often a burden, but also, I believe, an incredible blessing to come.
nothing like the last minute! end of season is the best season.
however, nearly every session happens days after I connect with someone. every workshop and retreat has been the same. the reason is one that many will not understand, but perhaps will relate to in the sense of a weather pattern (within the context of energy)…where we are at today, will not be where we are at tomorrow or next week. making plans is great, but…when we shift and grow quickly so does our (physical) reality. don’t understand what this means? consider a “psychic” reading, and assuming you believe in them…when someone says “I can’t predict time, but I can see the event”, it is because the tides and winds of our lives are constantly changing (based on our inner world, and choices – the slightest light-bulb moment, realization or shift will create the biggest change). so, from my vantage point in terms of planning and booking things, two things occur: 1) I feel, carry, and manage the entire weight of the energy I am connected to (and everything connected to IT), and doing that beyond a week or so until we meet on the physical plane can be quite the feat 2) I am a FAST changer, personally — as I blow through lessons in my personal life, on all levels — the slightest shift in me creates the biggest change in terms of what my life looks like: therefore schedule — who, where, what, and when. is this cryptic for you? if not, then you are either a former patient, or you already really “get” my work.
with all of that said…there are two definitive parts of Greece (which is a retreat – we simply work there not “here”): 1) a solo journey with me for 5 days, or 2) a more-than-one-person journey with me and another person(s) for 5 days. that will encompass two different fees (commensurate with my standard session fees; and, I no longer make concessions or considerations around not honoring my worth by attempting to trim time or cost — thank you to my incredible therapist for helping me to see the necessity of this quotient even more clearly) depending upon which. you may inquire at 917.985.1221 by leaving a voicemail and your first name. do not email me if you have emailed me in the past – I no longer use that email.