this one is a long time coming…there are no more new Healing Elaine® sessions (of any kind) happening, either for new or former patients.
this one is a long time coming…there are no more new Healing Elaine® sessions (of any kind) happening, either for new or former patients.
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Alejandro Padron
folks. this feels like a petty post, but it has to be written.
when I started my company, I had to change my name three times. THREE. I chose a name and then yet another name and then yet another name that no one else had (of course I researched this extensively). I never imagined that anyone would not want to be exactly who they are (I still did not understand, at that time, why many people do not have identities of their own), and so I didn’t expect the copycat bandwagon to arrive. it did! in spades. after I settled into a third name “Healing Elaine®” (I have seen now, other Healing ___’s out there, but at this point I am not changing my trademarked brand as it is too established) I noticed another phenomenon — my actual words, structure, and way of working aka “protocol” (come on guys) was being replicated.
it started initially with patients of mine who were seeking identity. this was in the early days of my work. I would help them, and let’s say they were professional editors (oh, the irony). they would leave my office, and months later, pop up with a HEALING practice (these were not people who ever mentioned the slightest interest in “healing” or helping others, by the way). but not just that — they would copy/paste my actual words! as their own. I was just…mind blown. this was the start of what I began to realize is a long-running human sickness. it is something I saw growing up as a young person, and I wrote a blog post about it a few years ago — it is called Hostile Envy. basically, the premise is that someone gets close to you (in those days it was in person, not online!) and then suddenly 180s and “doesn’t like you” anymore. this is basically an example of an individual without identity, trying to claim yours, and splitting off a piece of themselves as “anger” which is disguised as “you’re not a nice person, I don’t like you anymore!” IN ORDER TO BECOME YOU. this happened to me constantly as a child. and, now it happens constantly as an adult! you can’t make this stuff up.
as my business moved along (and I’ve written about various examples of copycat syndrome in other posts, and people I helped unbelievably who then had to “distance” themselves from me — because, they either wanted to become me or parrot me or compete with me), I noticed people I once knew personally regurgitating my teachings; but not only that…grasping at straws for my patients’ attention and connecting with them. I literally had a $35 dollar psychic who had NO platform or social media when I met them, completely inspire their business after me. including a name change. including subject matter that was not even on their radar prior to meeting me. and to boot, after I promoted them and sent dozens and dozens of referrals their way, they bad-mouthed me to my own clients! it was like the 7th grade allllllll over again. but it didn’t start or end there.
I referred a patient of mine to a “best-selling author” a number of years back. I figured, hey, this author is successful so what could be bad about sending them business? well, looking back, I’m not so sure this author even wrote their own book. they had hired a ghostwriter, and somehow commissioned a well-known author and speaker to write their foreward. basically, you can do ALMOST anything with enough money — because enough people can be easily bought. sadly, most people can be easily bought. anyhow, the patient I sent to them took a class they were teaching. this person let the author know that I sent them. the author pretended to not know who I am, but I knew that they did. do you know, that within a month, this author had completely replicated my format!? down to the exact hour count. down to the explaining of the process, yet they were careful enough not to totally plagiarize my words (unlike people I am currently shocked at). now, WHY would a “best-selling author” need to do this? it’s a phenomenon that I write about, and one that I just LOVE talking about in therapy. because, of course, my therapist is not one of these people. rather, he is probably THE most achieved person in neuroscience and psychology and psychiatry who exists in today’s world, but it’s HIS WORK. he is a powerhouse. and, he’s quiet about it and doesn’t need attention. he just does his work. and, we talk about this phenomenon and why it happens to ME, constantly. the phenomenon as well that you say to someone, “sorry, you can’t merge with me” and suddenly you are hated/bad/mean/wrong/etc. watch what happens when people who are currently ripping me off are confronted, because they have no identity of their own…I will suddenly become a “bad” person, because I have reflected back their void. it’s truly unbelievable how it all works.
after the “best-selling author” incident, it just kept happening. people who I invested hours and hours of pro-bono work in, helping them to build companies of their own and fostering their gifts that they had never even considered, would either ghost or find a reason to “not like me”. I realized, “it’s happening again…”…I realized that in order for these copycats to exist, I could not exist. or else, their world would not make sense.
I don’t want to embarrass anyone, but it’s been happening again. it doesn’t hurt, because I don’t know these recent people personally. they have followed my accounts on and off (because, you know, transference; on / off / on / off — it’s a psychological disorder), watched every story like an addict, and then…become a version of me. I have been sent examples of accounts/people doing this, and I have observed accounts doing this. most recently, someone trying to “make it” in NYC has parroted my ENTIRE protocol. they also did the thing where, they follow a bunch of people, then then unfollow everyone. just like my accounts follow 0. well, frankly, my accounts follow 0 because I am SO sensitive, that I am afraid of NOT following someone and hurting their feelings! my work is so deep and personal with people, that I just don’t want to risk hurting some impressionable young person (or, anyone for that matter). I also just do NOT feel a pull to look at other people’s lives. honestly, I just…don’t. and finally, it was a way to stop the bizarre TROLLING of who people thought I was friends with / connected to. no thank you.
so, there is this individual now (depending upon their psychological state, it could really excite them that I am writing about this — people will do anything to be “seen”), parroting my “protocol”. verbatim. mandating prerequisites – my prerequisite book mandate. COME ON, folks, really? not only that, what’s more disturbing than copycatting my actual process (down to their specified “phone calls only”, and “due to high demand” reasoning — again, you can’t make this stuff up) is their “reasoning”; it’s reasoning that arose from my core. MY core. it’s not only bizarre, but totally unnatural. and, it is how people energetically “move in”, to other people. by trying to…become them. this is more than surface stuff, it is energy vampire stuff.
this stuff doesn’t end in middle school, guys. and, it’s disturbing and it SHOULD be noted as disturbing (as well as illegal — I pay very good money, monthly, to ward against plagiarism and YES I will address all of the above legally) because it is a total invasion of privacy. this model of behavior is the reason serial killers kill: they have zero identity, and so they absorb that of others…until, their mind can not handle the fact that the person they are robbing essence-wise and life-force wise STILL EXISTS. well let me tell you something: I exist. and there will never be two of us.
the work that I do, lets people know that they are ENOUGH all on their own. I foster individuality and gifts. I am fortunate to predominantly attract amazing people (and I’ve obviously gotten better at it over time) through my work who have enough “SELF” to make lots of lemonade with it. it is so ironic to me that I also attract the polar opposite; and, if you are not careful, and you too attract this and don’t recognize it, you will be left feeling depleted and then-some…assuming you are a sensitive person.
stalkers, impersonators, copycats, plagiarists, addicts and sociopaths are all in the same family; and what I write about above, is REALLY no different. it just depends upon the degree to which it occurs. I know that typically, the best response to these things is NO response; I actually only confronted ONE person ever, with regard to the above, and that is because they are not crazy. typically, people just want attention, and so they do this, hoping you will notice, and then once you engage it is like their CRACK. and, they go into denial, blame, projection, etc etc etc. it is someone’s ultimate fantasy to be confronted by an otherwise successful person — it validates to them that they exist. my “PROTOCOL”, however, is a legal consideration. I won’t tolerate plagiarism, not of my concepts and not of my words. if someone wants to read my blog on speed and regurgitate it on a podcast (this happens, too!), and pass it off as their own, FINE. go ahead. you can’t fake being who you are, and anyone who buys into it is also living at a level of un-truth. so, go for it. pretend to live my experiences. but if you are mimicking my words in copy, you will be pursued. don’t try it. also, I won’t contact you directly — my legal team will. so, you will not get the buzz you are looking for because I won’t be part of the equation. this is as much energy as you’ll get from me.
the epidemic of lack of self, is huge. it happens at the “highest” levels in society, too! many people spend a LIFETIME becoming OTHER PEOPLE. as I always say: humans are created equal, but energy is not™. this is legit. you must discern who / what you are dealing with! what we see is not what we get. people who pretend to be other people are simply really good at never being themselves — because who they are is dark. the only way to transmute dark is to look in a mirror — and those who parrot, copycat, mimic and over-identify with others will NEVER look in the mirror. so, it’s important to just…stay away from them. the same way I am suggesting that anyone with an ounce of sanity stay away from duplicating what I offer to the world. if you are sane, if you are talented, then JUST BE YOU. you are plenty. you are only you. there is only one of you. you are unique. DARE to find your talents, because they are endless. it is not TALENT that blesses a person, but the COURAGE to identify and AWAKEN that talent!
don’t plagiarize me.
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini
in 2017, after the Presidential election, I held a workshop. people were really bent out of shape and afraid of what this “unforeseen” election result meant. as always, I attract people from ALL CORNERS — with varying backgrounds, experiences, viewpoints and feelings. however; I am good at vetting those who at least live in truth — and this means, that a room full of people with different thoughts CAN totally mesh and make sense together. because I am this bridge, I believe it is one strong reason why I have been so heavily censored — the “powers that be” don’t like what I do (they dislike bridges). anyhow, during this 2017 workshop I was able to calm people down and help explain to them “the point of it all” — so that they would hopefully stop obsessing about it daily, stop watching baiting news that fosters divisiveness, and start focusing on their own inner power and strength…so that when future hard truths presented in their lives, they would be more ready.
I don’t often do workshops, because frankly they are very hard for me. they typically take me days or longer to prepare for (physically and energetically), and even longer to recover from. the bane of my work comes from my core, and I simply can not turn off being attuned on every level to an individual’s (or entire group’s) thoughts, feelings, and general dispositions. however, I feel the time is here for another workshop. if you read my blog, I don’t need to explain much about what this workshop would be like. it is important to note, though, that if you do not FULLY resonate with my blog, then it is NOT for you. don’t waste my time by calling because you have the intention of challenging who I am or what I know; I have no space for skeptics or people who want to bait me and “test” me in order to drain me or work out some personal psychological issue with me as a projection screen (yes, people try to do this).
this workshop will run an entire day and evening. they typically start later day and go past sunset. I will not publicly announce the specific location, it is TBA the night before the event and it will take place in Manhattan. as with every workshop I have ever done, there will be no recording devices allowed and phones will be turned off and placed in a separate space — this is because we are in a group setting and there are other people’s privacies to respect. when I do events in a group setting, everyone signs a confidentiality form — again, because I want other people to be able to feel free sharing thoughts that they might otherwise not share, if they could not do so confidentially.
I have never had a guest speaker or guest facilitator before, but for this event I am considering two. I am considering both a guest speaker as well as a sound healer. at least one of them is a former patient of mine.
the date for this is soon, but I will share it over the phone; in order to share it over the phone, I need to be sure that you are attending this workshop for the right reasons. typically, I can tell when someone is contacting me for the right reasons — once in a very great while, however, I get a bad actor who just wants to test my process and waste my time. I have no time or energy for the latter. it is not important to me what your world views are, and I am not out to change anyone’s opinion or force my opinion or the opinion of others upon you; rather, this is an opportunity to be open, receive support and answers, and feel part of something bigger than we each appear to be. as with each of my individual sessions, I take extra time and care to do my best to be sure that I am engaging with the right person at the right time. I have told people “no”, many times over — and developed a reputation for doing so; this I have done in the highest respect for and the best interest of all parties involved. if I wanted to be a roadside healer I would just let my revolving door spin and anyone who is anyone could sign up online and I would collect all day long. clearly that is not what I do.
here is what you need to do prior to calling with interest (it is important to note the difference between interest and inquiry, please); read my blog. read at least a few different long pieces. be prepared to talk about them, why they interest you, and what they mean to you. I won’t ask anyone to buy my eBooklets, because I don’t want to sound salesy. but what I write is the bane of what I share and expound upon at length in person – be it a one-on-one session or another service of mine…in this case, a workshop. as I have been saying, my time doing one-on-one healings has been winding down for quite a bit. some of it is beyond my control due to the incredible censorship I have experienced — but, all that really means, is that the censorship has provided for me less and less reachouts to vet. on my own side of the equation, my sessions have gotten longer and fewer and farther between. my model has expanded and contracted at the same time. I am interested in continuing to work with people, one-on-one, who affect our planet on a global level. this, of course, presents both benefits and challenges for me.
there will be opportunity during this workshop to talk about ANYTHING you want; it could even be very personal questions you have about your life and topics that digress from group or main topics that we may be covering. the structure for this workshop will follow my eBooklet series that is being turned into a TV Series, so even if you don’t purchase and download the eBooklets you will have a frame of reference as to the topic structure.
to reach out with interest regarding this workshop, please call 917-985-1221. if you can NOT ring through, or if you are not able to leave a voicemail with your first name only, then please visit my About page for a backup step. do NOT email that address without specifically stating when you tried calling, and what happened when you tried to leave a voicemail. I will delete your email if you are simply emailing — that is NOT my protocol. I work this way for a reason and it helps me avoid much nonsense. I need to hear your voice.
if you can not attend or do not want to attend the workshop, there are other ways to support my work. I don’t have a donation link because I still feel too much confliction around that (after all — upon applying for my first business loan EVER, the SBA denied me and called me a “patronage”! ha – as if. even my bank did not understand their response. well, maybe I should go be that [a patronage]. it would certainly make things easier); you may, however, download my eBooklets and 15 other articles that are available for download throughout my website. if you are interested in a one-on-one session, those are scarce right now for two reasons; one, my censorship has truly limited who can reach me…and two, my work takes dozens of hours and I have to be sure it is the right person. and just because you can afford it, does NOT mean I want to work with you or that it is the right session — I would turn down one BILLION dollars just to avoid working with the wrong person. I mean it. it is just not worth it to me. besides; the physical realm is all an illusion. my life force is worth infinite value and I can not put a price tag on what it takes for me to recover from the work that I do as well as in both prep and post — not to mention what happens if/when I work with the wrong person. if you do not understand this, then I am definitely not for you anyhow right now. please don’t think you can “try” a session with me just because you “can”. I mean this with the utmost respect for all parties concerned.
those who feel a pull and who are the right fit for this workshop will know it. to stay connected on other platforms, in the event my website or other platforms go dark, please follow me on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, YouTube, and Medium (even though I am currently or have been censored and shadowbanned on them). I have yet to consider other platforms like “TikTok”, etc!
it is all going to be OK.
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini
please read my ABOUT section before making any inquiry.
due to the number of technological issues I have had, which includes much outside interference, I have listed a temporary way of contacting me within the body of the ABOUT section here. there is a method to the way that I work, and I am going to keep it; even if I have to temporarily modify it. please trust in my process.
if you are calling my business line 917-985-1221 but you can not leave a voicemail, or if you are getting forwarded to a “call center” (literally, it was just recently brought to my attention that my business line is “crossed” with a whole other phone number! — the phone carrier is examining the issue), then please follow the instructions in my ABOUT section protocol.
recently, on top of all other censorship which you may read about by key word searching the word censorship, all three of my yelp business pages and locations — NYC, LA, and Miami — were deleted (404). there are hundreds of reviews within them, and they reflect a decade of travel and work with incredible people who took the time to share their heartfelt experiences. while tragic, there will be justice and I will not stop until I get my property back (which I spent tens of thousands on over the years, just to make sure yelp would not delete my reviews as they initially did when I signed up). there are clearly a number of forces attempting to work against me, because of the specific nature and quality of my work; but, their intentions won’t ultimately work. forces can slow me down, forces can make me angrier (and stronger), and forces can juxtapositionally reveal themselves as I shine a light on them, but forces will never stop me. and when we work together, I show you how the forces that attempt to work against you will not only never stop you, but will ironically reveal incredible and unexpected gifts if you are willing to face and weather the truth of a storm.
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Sani
the tables are turning. finally. dark is being eclipsed by light. finally. this is causing all kinds of behind-the-scenes wars. particularly within media and big tech. things are just not what they have seemed to be, to so many people.
our planet has always been run the same way — it’s just that we are finally seeing the truth of HOW it has always been run. we are seeing the truth because we can not hide from ourselves. we can not hide from ourselves, because technology is too advanced to allow it. how ironic! and, how ironic because those entities one might consider “most advanced” or powerful in tech or, rather I should say big tech and media (including entertainment), carry the most destructive but soon-to-be-revealed force. force is different from power (read my prerequisites). force doesn’t work. force is a farce that appears to work for a brief period of time. a brief period of time could be an actual millennium. either way, and ultimately, force crumbles. it breaks down. and the PHANTOM ENEMY that has been appointed BY FORCE as “The Enemy”, reveals as something…else. the projection screen that everyone has identified as the (phantom) enemy no longer appears to be the enemy as dark is eclipsed by light. and the real enemy emerges. right now, the real enemy is beginning to emerge — because, physics…
as this happens, we are going to see a MASSIVE crumbling of big tech and media as a whole. as a whole, they are our greatest enemy, our greatest offender, and until now, the most invisible one of all. there are many innocent people working within big tech and media, and they do not understand who and what they are actually working for. pay attention to what is going on within major companies — when and why certain C-Suites are stepping down and away. pay attention to who is selling their shares or their companies. pay attention to which institutions fund news channels of all kinds, and how the relationships between those parties changes. it will all become more obvious, because the BRAZEN ARROGANCE of our planet’s puppet masters (puppet masters: these people own and control big tech, media and entertainment) is just so incredible…this brazen arrogance is the blindspot of any totalitarian regime. it’s the one thing that no human can eclipse: the blindspot. this particluar blindspot of arrogance is going to reveal all.
many of the people whom you thought were the enemy, are not and never were. your entire perspective is going to change as truth reveals what your mind could not make sense of before. on a very important note: the more resolution you have with your PERSONAL trauma and your ability to see evil within your OWN life and the people close to you, the easier of a time you are going to have with all of the public domain truth that is coming your way. if you are still in trauma mode and projection mode, as I estimate 80% of human beings are, you are going to have a really hard time with the truth that is coming your way. it’s time to get clean and get clear, because nobody — and I mean NOBODY — can escape what is coming next.
live honestly. even if it “costs” you short-term. there is no escaping the karma that we create for ourselves and others.
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini
as many of you who know me know, I have been dealing with unthinkable censorship since 2017 (brief backstory is here, on my Instagram page). after my websites were stolen and restricted, I was alerted to (foggy and hard to concretely prove) simultaneous censorship and shadow banning at the hands of media companies — namely, big tech / social media outlets and ISPs (internet service providers). while the story will ultimately tell itself, I am asking for as much help as possible with identifying where, when and how people can NOT visit my website. for example: after GOOGLE refused me the ability to advertise on its platform in multiple ways (I have this in writing) and refused my locations and many other things, it was noted that people using CHROME (a GOOGLE product) could not open my site; yet, they COULD open it in internet explorer or via another browser. this issue remains alive and unwell. the fact is, certain browsers and ISPs restrict my website. the “why” of this will come to you at a later time. what I need help with now, is the “when” and “where”…
I am asking everyone I know — assuming you even get to this page, on whichever device of yours — to please note whether or not you can open my website via mobile, desktop, chrome, or some other browser. I need to know which devices and browsers are slow, and which ones are not. I need all the data I can get. please ALSO ask your friends and colleagues who have never heard of me, to identify and record the same. I need both screenshots and videos of what is happening.
you can email email@example.com ONLY with evidence of NOT getting to my website. for all other questions please follow protocol and contact the business line directly at 917-985-1221. thank you in advance for being part of my positive mark in history. I sincerely appreciate any and all support.
©Healing Elaine®, logo by Shamona Stokes
this is a 3 day retreat that will take place roughly 1.5 hours outside of Manhattan. the format time-wise for this retreat is similar to past workshops, and it will span 2 nights and 3 days. the content covered will mirror that of my one-on-one sessions, and we will go naturally broader by introducing additional like-minded energies or similar experiences (other human beings) to your experience. I will limit this retreat to 4 people, and each person will have 1:1 time with me. since you already know me, I probably don’t need to explain much more.
this is happening soon, and you may call the business line at 917.985.1221 to schedule with me or ask questions.
since my phone lines seem to be having difficulties, please be sure to leave a voicemail — perhaps even two voicemails. I do not text message, and I have a new email address. direct calls are always best.
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini
victim consciousness is born from trauma. we experience this in different ways, and at different times. some of us experience it from our very first breath on planet earth (this is the most difficult to ever recover from, and very few do — the ones who do, end up leading others to their ultimate healing path).
when we are traumatized, we are a “victim”. and after that point, unless we do the kind of work necessary around that trauma to reorder the algorithms in our brain chemistry that are keeping the emotional resources separate from the concept of time, we stay in victim mode. when we are tired of being in victim mode, we may either become an addictive rescuer of others, OR, we may become an addictive persecutor of others — simply to perpetuate the trauma from different angles and re-experience it in order to “solve” it. in any case, we will alternate between the three roles in effort to “escape” our situation. the problem with this is, the situation is not happening anymore. unless, of course, it is happening in our MIND because we are “triggered” and we don’t even know it.
I’ve been reading self help books for over twenty years, trying to make sure I’m “right” in the mind. draw your own conclusions as to why, and read the rest of my blog for more detail. I grew up wanting to rescue others, when in fact I needed to (and deep down wanted to) rescue myself. I started as a psychology major at Northeastern University, and two things happened; one, I was so deeply in active trauma (which I buried in socializing and alcohol) that I could barely focus enough to properly attend class and study. two, the boxes and rigid nature of clinical psychology bothered me — because I saw so much more. and, what is most lucky about the fact that I did not dive into “helping” people immediately post college which is an age that any early life trauma that has occurred is STILL occurring because the brain is actually still forming, is that I had a lot of time to sort through my own messes and see what was actually going on…by reliving the trauma versus compartmentalizing it and becoming a “therapist”.
in my 20s I relived my trauma over and over and over again. I predominantly attracted abusive people, addicts, and absolute psychopaths into my life. it all felt totally normal, and I never saw who/what they were until I SAW — which, of course, was always devastating. I had never witnessed a healthy dynamic of any sort in my life, and so I didn’t know where to begin. I didn’t even know what was happening. I was destitute in a variety of ways for much of my 20s (while also finding ways to blow off steam socially), and yet also DRIVEN. just like my early life, I never gave up. I went to Alanon when I couldn’t afford therapy (which was nearly all of the time), and when I did make it to a few therapists, all of them except for two were batshit crazy. the turning point for me, to realize that I was not crazy but that I was continuing to surround myself with very crazy people, came when I met a top therapist on the upper east side. it was only one session, because I begged a “loved one” to pay for it as I felt so close to the edge. I’m not sure what I expected, as I consciously knew I would not be able to ever afford to go back, but I went anyhow. when they say “you get what you pay for”, THIS was the proof in that pudding statement. this man (therapist) heard my story for about 15 minutes, and simply said, “there is nothing wrong with you. you are in a regression of your past”. the way that he looked at me was so clear. it was a look that I was only familiar with when it came to former bosses (I had some wonderful male role models as bosses in my 20s!), and maybe a few teachers. the look said: I see you — you are a wonderful person. I never forgot that therapist (it was the first and last time I saw him), and I took his words as well as his unspoken words to heart. this would be my turning point. and, it is worth noting, that when you are intrinsically sane but you have only known crazy, all it takes is one other intrinsically sane person to help you begin to leave the crazy that you know. this, has shown up in my work repeatedly and it is the most extraordinary aspect of what I do.
I began to recognize my patterns, but I still didn’t understand how they were forming and how my FEELINGS about the trauma that would seem to repeat out of nowhere and “find” me, were connected to my past trauma. I lived in a degree of victim consciousness because of the RELATIONSHIP to the past and present that was active in my mind — in other words, every time that something familiar and traumatic happened in my then present tense life, I experienced the emotion I did as a very young being. I did not know how to separate the two (event versus feeling). this, as well as any other way that we re-create our own trauma, is victim consciousness. and it’s incredible to try to come out of — particularly when we are intelligent.
the first time that I witnessed myself “leave” some of my victim consciousness, was around age 30. I was in contact nearly every day with the CRAZY that had shaped my entire life, and it drove nearly every thread of adrenaline in my body just as it had as a small child. I had done a great job at physically getting away from my trauma, but the reverberation was just incredible. in my particular case, and at that time, I still had the ultimate crazy double-bind persecution coming at me about who I was, how I lived, what I wore, what I looked like, what decisions I made, etc — as an adult. I was brainwashed into thinking (because it was stated over — and over — and over again) that I would “never ever make it on my own” and that I would always need someone to help me. the learned helplessness that I was attemptedly taught, however, only worked to a point. there came a day upon which I didn’t want to learn it anymore. and so, I LET GO. and I mean — LET GO. I decided simply not to listen to the brainwashing that was coming at me as an attempt to hold me prisoner forever. and in not listening, I had to do something else — I had to face the fear that had been PLANTED inside of me at my first breath: that I could not make it on my own. the funny thing is, I am so independent. my intrinsic self KNEW that this washing of my consciousness was a lie, BUT, it was embedded in me. and so, I had to learn how to separate my traumatized FEELINGS that came from past trauma (and were still being iterated daily from sources beyond me) from my then current circumstance. I mentioned I was destitute — this meant that I had run out of means to support myself at that time due to where I was at in my life with career (and of course, incredible PTSD). this, of course, was a consequence of the past — being told since my first breath that I could not make it alone. and then, to boot, being severely punished and persecuted for it. there was no way out. but this time, as I faced housing court in New York City, I decided that it was an omen as well as an opportunity; I decided that if I could make it through this and not die, and I could CHANGE the way I felt about what was happening, I could move mountains. and, I did.
I decided that I would take the feeling of guilt and shame, that was planted inside of me to control me my entire life, and separate it from my current circumstance. I was still confused as to how everything connected together, but I thought, if I can literally GIVE UP this particular aspect of guilt and shame around my CURRENT situation, then I can get clearer on the past — and then I can begin to move forward. I decided that I was not going to feel like a victim. the fact was, at that time, that I was late a number of times on my rent payments. in tandem, the landlord wanted to make more money off of the apartment by moving me out, and started to find ways to get me to court. initially, all I cared about was making the landlord happy because he represented an authority figure to me (my greatest fear). so, I initially signed anything he wanted me to (one of them being a judgement against me — I didn’t even know what I was signing). but then, I realized that I shouldn’t be persecuted simply for being late when I was communicative and honorable. I already knew that many of the things about that apartment building were illegal, not to mention necessary repairs that were often not made at my request, and I decided to fight back. I contacted a prior tenant whom I found in the white pages, and she told me horror stories about the building and the apartment I lived in at that time — which was actually her former apartment. and, she had successfully sued the owner of my building (back in the 90s). she told me that I was being bullied and that they were not legally allowed to do what they were doing to me. so, I took her to court with me. and, I brought the lawyer she used in the 90s to win her case. let’s just say that the problem was solved and I was harassed no more. I wasn’t evicted, we reached an agreement, and I was able to move. now the KEY ingredient here, was my willingness to RISK letting go of the debilitating, traumatizing feeling of absolute helplessness and fear (not to mention incredible fear of speaking up for myself, as the consequences were physically and mentally DIRE for me as a young person) that I had been programmed with my entire life as a way to keep me dependent upon crazy. the door to pass through with this key, was my then current circumstance. and when I turned the key and unlocked the door, I saw how what I was feeling versus what I was actually going through were two different things. I DID have control. I WAS capable. I DID deserve autonomy. I DID deserve safety. I DID deserve a better environment. I had moved the dial in the back of my programmed mind, and some of the outdated programs were thankfully no longer working.
there is a story about an elephant who is chained to a tree at a young age, and then unchained. when he is unchained, he still stays by the tree even though he knows there is no chain. in his unconscious, he believes he is chained to the tree. this is what it feels like to be a victim of trauma, despite KNOWING that the present tense is not the same. and what’s more, is when the present tense resembles or illicits, in any fashion, a feeling from the past — the two timelines just automatically conjoin and get totally muddled and confused. this is the reason that the majority of people walking our planet are in active victim consciousness. they can’t tell the difference between the past and the present. and I understand.
after I was able to “break free” by risking all of the potential “realities” (aka terrifying punishment) that would come from all of the lies that I was told about myself, I experienced an incredible transformation in my life. but, there is always more work to do. there were still unconscious triggers that were just tremendous, and I still had trouble separating them. but then, I reached a new plateau. this plateau came on the heels of repetition of the same patterns (we all complain about not being able to break patterns — well this is the bane of my HE™ work!) to an absolutely ridiculous proportion, at which point in time I had nothing left to do other than ask: what am I not seeing here? what I saw, relates to my last post about evil. I saw that, since I had already done what I was supposed to do in terms of (physically and in all ways) separating myself from the source of my trauma and traumatic conditioning, I had reached the next step because my mind felt safe enough to take it. I saw that all of my current circumstances, whatever they were, existed on the planet for ANYONE to experience — not just me. I saw that they were bad experiences, yes, but that they were available to ANYONE — not just me. I always say this: first we attract where we have come from, and THEN we attract what we ARE — if we have enough courage to transcend where we come from. I looked around and realized that I was no longer confused about my present tense circumstances (for certain, victimizing circumstances) and my early programming for shame, guilt, failure, defeat, dependency, disaster, chaos, and self-blame. and then, came the next step.
once I saw the separation of the timelines that do indeed get crossed whenever we experience trauma, I had the ability to decide how to FEEL about the present tense. I had reached a level at which I could distinguish the past from the present, and I was so excited about that fact. as I looked at my situation — I was the victim of theft, betrayal, censorship (still happening!) — there was simply nothing personal about it. all of the idiots that I had come across exist out there in the world regardless of me. it was just that I had over-identified with those idiots and crazies, because it was all I had known up until a point. the familiarity was the crippling part, but I had moved the mountain that was blocking my view from the fact that IT ALL HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I was just there. I didn’t have to relate the present to the past — with the exception of understanding how I was continuing to experience similar events with the same level of emotion.
when we escape the confusion of trauma timelines, and do not re-create trauma via transference, we are free. free to choose, next, how to feel about xyz. again, this may all make sense logically or consciously, but when the trauma triggers are activated it does NOT distinguish. and it doesn’t matter how smart you are or how old you are or how achieved you are. you can’t beat trauma with intellect or “experience”; you can only beat it by taking risks that feel very scary to the brain, and by being honest with yourself. the few of us who can do those things — even if they take decades — will experience a freedom that very few will ever know.
as current difficult circumstances arise in my life, and they always will because I am, after all, ALIVE, I know that I must always know the difference between the past and the present in order to break a pattern. we receive traumatic patterns for the very PURPOSE of breaking them. again: first we attract where we have been, and then we attract what we are. and to be frank, some people are simply shitty. and so they will have shitty lives. you will witness this by the fact that they refuse to help themselves, refuse proper therapy, and refuse to be honest (that part is hard to discern if you have only known dishonest people, but you can refer to this article of mine for more information). as strange as it seems, some people really DO love to be miserable.
our ability to move out of victim consciousness when we are, in fact, a victim of a current circumstance, is related to our ability to really distinguish and KNOW the past. as I keep saying, most people never get there and they have no idea they are making eternal loops. but if you have done the work, done the therapy, done the self-introspection, then you are either close to being there or you are already there and ready for that next key step. it’s easy to mentally and emotionally re-victimize ourselves when something reminds us of a trauma — such as ongoing psychological and physical abuse, rape, incest, losing a baby, and so forth. but, we don’t have to stay prisoner to what once happened, if we are willing and able to take that leap and see that our CURRENT circumstance is truly a random act from God, asking us to get clear on what is what in order to move on. as with any trauma, betrayal or victimization, I ALWAYS say demand justice (and we can’t demand justice without first getting healthy angry!) — just be sure you know which timeline each feeling resides in, so that you do not waste added energy or time. and when you can empower yourself by getting clear on the past in the way that I describe, the power to deal with the present is INCREDIBLE — after all, you have already transcended the same “thing”, which will never be as hard as it was the first time to transcend.
once we know the difference between the timeline/s of our trauma in relationship to our feelings in the present tense about ANY xyz thing, we are free to choose what definition we give to it.
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Alejandro Padron
wishing pain upon your evil doers is a waste of time – they are already in tons of pain.
the greater the evil deed, the greater the pain coming from (behind) the vehicle carrying the deed. the relationship between the deed itself (this includes the action AND the intention) and the NEED for what you hold inside of you (life force) is totally proportional. this is actually why people kill.
for more on my experience with and explanation for evil, check out my eBooklet 5 as well as this article here. also, read my prerequisite required reading for any Healing Elaine® inquiry which includes Scott Peck’s book called People of the Lie.
an evil person operates from lack, which they seek to match with proportional abundance (life force). when they can not access said abundance, they actually feel their own evil. in this state, they are in pure withdrawal mode – like a heroin addict without their supply. their very existence is based on not feeling their own evil, and so they commit all kinds of atrocities big and small. and like any spectrum, evil is on one.
whilst all things are relative, it is important to note that the greater or more frequent the evil, the greater the pain the person experiences if they do not do something to counter the reality of their evil within themselves. in this way, many or most evil acts are not even personal — even if they feel that way. and the real hook that we don’t want, when we are a target of evil, is the one that leaks even more energy in the direction of the evil doer. do not confuse this with forgetting about or not believing in justice, however. justice (in the form of karma) ALWAYS comes, and it is typically very poetic. I’ll get to that part in a bit.
one way of leaking energy is to take things personally. when we feel this, we drain our energy field and life force. this is because we are tricked into believing that the evil act actually had something to do with us. in believing that it had something to do with us, we blame ourselves, even if only unconsciously. in this way, we are matching the vibration of the evil act, and we are creating more of it’s reverberation. when we blame ourselves, we are also not in our personal power — which we need all of, to conquer evil. it is crucial to understand that every single thing another person does is relative to their actual intrinsic state — evil, or not.
at the end of the day, an evil doer must find more and more and more supply or life force, to counter the lies that they tell themselves (this is where evil is born, by the way). and the fact is, there is a shelf life for all that is not real — for all that is force, not power. power is eternal, and this is what evil seeks to grab — even if for a brief moment, until it can find its next snack. eventually, however, the adrenaline rush that evil first got off of its deeds wears off. this is exactly why evil is akin to addiction — they are one in the same, in my experience with evil and the way that I write about it. like a fiending addict, evil will eventually reach their peak “high”…and the only place to go from there, is down.
in 2015 I wrote about karma and published an eBooklet about it. the eBooklet is based on what I felt coming, in the following year of 2016. and we sure got a lot of it. and, I love it — all that has been hidden, in the name of evil, is being revealed. and we have barely hit the tip of the iceberg. those who have been running the cabals of evil are about to expire – and they are scrambling like cockroaches in the dark. looking for ANY distraction, so that we the people of the planet, do not see what is going on in plain sight. it’s too late. and more will be revealed. the “enemy” that we have been told is the enemy, is not the enemy. the real enemy has been hiding in plain sight. and this enemy is in a lot of pain. this is why it is scrambling for something — anything — to feed itself. but, there is nothing left.
evil isn’t about those of us who are not evil; evil is about evil not feeling its darkness in an environment of light. when we see something for what it is, perhaps for the first time, the physics of that thing actually changes. and I say that our greatest defense AGAINST evil is simple: awareness that it has nothing to do with us. it simply wants to trade places with us, so that it does not have to feel its core.
the next time someone crosses you — hurts you — steals from you — kills someone you love — don’t bother wishing them pain. they are in so much pain, that even their most atrocious acts won’t sustain transcending. your fear, your sadness, your shock, your despair, is the VERY BREATH OF EVIL. so, then let evil die. there is a quote, and I believe it applies here: “Remember, the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” —Zig Ziglar. in this sense, and in effect, an evil doer can never be you — that is the ultimate pain body for them, and iterates the ultimate blessing for you.
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini
last year, I went on a detox – a text messaging detox. as a person who recharges ALONE, not off of other people’s energy fields, it felt like it was do-or-die — I HAD to detox from texting.
I don’t text for work. ever. I don’t schedule anything for work via text or messaging of any sort. I’m old school.
before I get into WHY I detoxed and where I stand with it now — as well as all of the WONDERFUL findings that arose from it all — I will note my very first corporate sales training in the early 00s. this particular company did not allow email with ANY potential clients or clients. the only emails allowed were internal. I recall being very intrigued by this rule, and also curious. after all, it was sales. when I landed at the sales training course in Texas, I was shown (really just a reiteration of something that makes SO MUCH SENSE) the power of human contact and connection. in a nutshell, we were shown why phone calls or face-to-face meetings are the only forms of contact that will make or break a proper connection (in that case, a potential client or client). anything else was a waste of time. and it could not have been more true.
aside from the corporate training aspect I describe above, I always knew that direct and thorough is the ONLY way in life. thorough, in the sense that if something has the potential to NOT stick, then that potential will show immediately via face-to-face contact or via a phone call versus a passive, EASY, perhaps not even human correspondence via text or email. it is only after the relationship has been established that it will be supportive to maintain contact in a less direct fashion. and it’s true. with my work in particular, it has to be SO right in terms of person and timing. the connection must be 100% or it’s not happening. even in the wake of talking via phone. typically, a gut level response happens or it doesn’t. the way I approach my work and life across the board is, if it is 99% right then it is 100% WRONG. now, don’t get that confused with saying that we have to be 100% perfect to get something going — no, that is not what I am saying. I am just saying that in the moment of execution, in the moment of preparation, in the moment of discussion, it must not only feel but BE 100%. then, if it fails or goes rogue, it is an experience not a mistake. if we are lined up 100% with our thoughts, feelings, words and actions in any moment, then we are in alignment — and the rest is up to the Universe after that!
the conclusion with the corporate training thingy, it was totally spot on. for example, we saw it was spot on when we tried to violate protocol and book a deal with the CEO’s admin (it NEVER STUCK — because the admin was not the end DM [ in the old days, those initials stood for “decision maker” ] and therefore had zero interest in the bottom line of the company). the same notion would have applied to email. no one cares when the form of communication is that passive. or, they do not care as much. it’s just not worth it unless a relationship has already been established, and even then, I am still not a fan unless circumstances will not allow for a phone call.
I am amazed at the number of people who request or accept my connection on LinkedIn, but do not want to talk on the phone when I suggest we do. it only takes a few minutes to suss out where the mutual bottom line benefit might exist. otherwise, why be “connected”? and so for all of the “sales navigator” tools it offers, people are missing the mark when they could just ask for a phone call and state why they want that phone call. I digress. but it’s something to consider — how non-human we have become because we are so reliant and fantastical about technology.
last year, WAY too many people had access to me because of text messaging. perhaps some people felt the same way about me, too. now, I feel the same way about text as I feel the above email examples — it’s ok after you have already established a relationship with someone. but, for what purposes to use it? I fell into the trap I see nearly everyone in — I used it nearly every time I had a thought, feeling or idea. and I used it with whomever I felt could appreciate it in that moment. since I am a writer, by nature, it was all too easy for me to word-vomit thoughts and even subconscious thoughts that I would NEVER otherwise write had I not been tired, frustrated, etc. so in a sense, this is an addiction not an outlet. an outlet is when there is direct, 1:1 connection or you are using a natural outlet like handwriting for yourself or praying aloud or working out physically. I began to dislike myself at times when I texted, and I definitely disliked how someone — anyone — could just “access” me in a nanosecond because I entered their thoughts. well, I enter a lot of people’s thoughts. and I didn’t like what my BODY and overall physiology felt, every time someone reached out to say “hi” — because most of the time, they were not reaching out to say hi. they were reaching out for a charge. energy. help. energy. energy. ENERGY.
in 2004 I was dating a guy. this is sort of around the time that texting came to be. I had never text messaged a boyfriend before. yes, there were 2-way pagers and phones that texted, but they weren’t the rage or anything close to the rage that they are now. one night, early on in our relationship, he texted me “goodnight” and I was totally taken aback. as in, I found it ODD — because, we had just hung up the phone an hour earlier and already said goodnight. now he’s saying goodnight AGAIN? I didn’t like it. it felt…….addictive. something didn’t feel good about it and now I know why. it’s totally unnatural for anyone to have that kind of access to you morning, noon, night, and ANY TIME they want to access you. in 2006, I was in a new relationship. one night before I went to bed, I hung up the phone after saying — audibly — “goodnight” to this person. as I slept, and about an hour later again, he texted me some more “goodnight” pleasantries. I didn’t see his note until the morning, and I had a weird feeling in my gut that he was uneasy about my lack of response. but, AS IF I were supposed to tell him exactly WHEN I was going to bed? like, the minute before? again — this was early on in the texting game, and alarm bells went off. well, 3 months later, he told me that he cheated on me very early on in the relationship. guess what night it was? THAT night. the night I didn’t say “goodnight” back, via text. LAUGHING OUT LOUD! really. ok, yes, I was right about the addiction part of text. I began to “get it”. and I didn’t like it at all. AND, I became part of it. like nearly everyone else.
throughout the course of that relationship, I texted many things I didn’t mean. I texted many things that I would not normally say, let alone WRITE (even in an email — there is more time to sit with things before hitting “send”). and I disliked it all. when we broke up, I took a big step back from texting. but then it got even worse. there was i-messaging. and photos! oh boy. over the course of the next while, I was less engaged in all things tech and text than most people I knew. I was the last of my friends and acquaintances to join all social platforms that exist today. it all just felt to me…unnatural.
the first time I witnessed “Facebook” was when I had a young teenager living with me to help share the rent in Manhattan. since it was a studio share, there was no privacy. and one day, I saw this girl just STARING at the computer. I couldn’t believe it. what was she doing?? WHAT?? what could possibly warrant HOURS of staring? I discovered, it was something called Facebook. and then I found out what it was. and I felt…WHAT? why would anyone want to peer in on the lives of others? it felt so counter-intuitive to me. it felt invasive and…odd. I didn’t get it. this is where my generational split or gap really comes in handy, I believe, with my career ambitions and place in the world. because what I am writing about is NOT natural. it is a tool, and a tool that we can all fall prey to like anything else that feels “indulging”. since I don’t have addict tendencies, it always felt repulsive to me. even whilst I was engaging on social or via text.
in 2015 I deleted my personal Facebook page and it was like the BEST THING EVER! I decided to use it only as a ghost account to run my business and public pages for my work (there are now 3). I never felt good looking at other people’s lives, and I really didn’t get why a sane person would. after that, I finally joined Instagram in 2016. I briefly used a private account and then deleted that — only to have some business accounts…which follow 0 people. the reason they follow 0 people is multi-fold. first, the work that I do is super sensitive and personal. what if I were to follow some people and accidentally not others, therefore offending some nice young person I once helped who thinks I don’t like them because social said so? no thank you. also, there are trolls left and right who are obsessive — with me, and with others. I don’t get it, but people will literally follow other people’s lists to try and ingratiate themselves in someone’s world (the person they are trying to invade, by attempting to forge “connections” with people they are connected to). I saw the most bizarre, sick behavior from some people, notably obsessed with me or my work for many months, only to disappear and try to take what they perceived as my client list with them. HA! what? the whole thing is just…a huge energy sucker.
last year, as I was going through my biggest personal transformation to date, there were too many people who had access to me. just too many. and, some of them REALLY the wrong kind. the addict kind. addict to people in contact with people allllllll day. the type who can’t sit still. I’m not that type. I CRAVE to sit still. in SILENCE. with NO TECH. I love this. not only that, it’s how I grew up! thank GOD for this, being raised as a child in the 90s. what a gift. the type of gift that lends itself to hearing one’s own thoughts and feelings. and honoring them. good Lord! at any rate, it all became too much last year. I found myself writing too much at the drop of a hat, and I saw how unnatural and frankly, dangerous, it was for me to allow people to just enter my energy field unannounced. I hated it. and, I needed space. I needed space — indefinitely — from anyone plugging into me for a charge. after all, during this transformational phase in my life, I needed my own energy. just mine. I had nothing left to give. and, that has sort of not changed. and I consider this a good thing.
my work phone is a 90s flip phone. I don’t text. people can page it, but that means absolutely nothing and so all pages get deleted. it is glorious to cut to the chase and make actual human connections by asking people to be real humans and read my protocol, then make an actual phone call. those sound like simple things to do, but I am ASTOUNDED as to how many people are SO lazy that they want to connect or book services with people over an electronic device. REALLY? I can not imagine booking a personal service without first HEARING that person. maybe I’m weird. my regular cell phone, due in part to me swearing off text message last year as well as the DISGUSTING censorship issues I was having and am still having, I disabled text messaging (and of COURSE, stupid “Siri” – in case you didn’t know, it’s just a spy tool and you should beware). I let as many people as I could, know, that I was no longer texting and so don’t bother. the thing is, if it is crucial, someone will call you. if it is an addictive behavior, they will text you to satisfy a momentary urge or need. and if they call and your time is valuable as I consider mine, more and more each day, to be, you will simply call them back WHEN YOU HAVE THE TIME AND ENERGY. most people get that. maybe not crazy people, but then cheers to weeding out the crazy.
in place of traditional text messaging, I briefly downloaded an encrypted app called Signal. to this day I still don’t know why I did it, but it was helpful for little things like sending links/news or communicating with someone out of pure necessity. but then again, if we want to send links, how about just use email if it is really that important? and that’s the point — nothing done over text is important. we just say it is, because we live in a constant INSTA state. the generation behind me astounds me, for the most part. I see it, via my Pediatric Energy® work, split into two actually! — which is exciting. half of the kids use it like the plague, and the other half barely use it at all…as in, they check their texts or emails maybe once a day. it’s interesting and that is a whole other topic such as parenting, but there is hope if we can re-program ourselves. as I used Signal for a time as a replacement to text messaging and only with a number of people for emergency purposes, I found myself once again in the same feeling-state as when I was depleted thanks to regular text messaging. and I, once again, hated it. I hated it because I could feel the wonderful difference shutting off my i-message and texting had made, and I wanted MORE of that. and when I say more, the word that comes to mind is: SOVEREIGN. I wanted to feel myself again. ME. and it got me to thinking about something, which is the title of this post.
what did my energy feel like up until the early 00s? separate from and regardless of whatever was going on in my life? how did I work through my problems or concerns differently? how quickly did I transcend them on my own and without the illusion or crutch of other people / technology? and the answer was, I felt GLORIOUS when there was no text messaging. I felt FULL when I could run my day without WORRYING that xyz person will take it personally if I do not get back to them on time. I felt CLEAR when I had just my own energy to contend with, unless *I* otherwise chose. no one was invading my field without knocking first. and I realized recently that everyone has to knock, first. not only will I not be an addicted maniac on Instagram by liking-commenting-DMing nonstop (and I BARELY use twitter unless it is to post updates or things that are really relevant, therefore not engaging with anyone), but I will also not repeat the same behavior by knowing that (by allowing for) at any moment, someone could just APPEAR in my phone. literally at any time of day. I don’t want that anymore. and so I began letting people know (AGAIN) that I don’t text. I began letting the few folks I consider friends or acquaintances or xyzs that I am not using Signal or any other similar app. and I won’t, unless it is an emergency. I won’t reboot or look at the app. and it is because: I WANT MYSELF BACK. all of myself, back. up until the early 00s, I was able to snap my fingers (er, my mind!) and what I was looking for would appear in real-time and in real form. constantly. I want that back. things are taking too long — because they are moving too fast in other domains (tech).
every time someone connects to you, they are in your energy field. they are in your consciousness. they are taking something, consciously or unconsciously, whether it is obvious or not. anything valuable or worthwhile can come with a heads up — like, a phone call. the rest is just basically a playground for people to work their emotions, addictions or feelings out on another person. I don’t want to be that person in either role. young people (I guess, under 35?) don’t get this. this is because they were literally raised by the internet. and tech. and text. and INSTANT EVERYTHING. what a horrible notion, if one can not step back and truly create their own self-sustaining energy. I see so many people confused about what is theirs and what is not theirs — because they are codependent. addict or not, instant everything slash text and social has turned regular folks with addictive predispositions into fractions of human beings, and it has turned whole human beings with little or no predisposition for addiction into fractions of themselves. I don’t ever want to be a fraction of myself again. I need myself to manifest my next steps and dreams…
I got to thinking, as I have been text free and insta-anything message-wise free for a bit now, that it not only feels AMAZING, but it reminds me of what I used to be able to do without everyone sticking their energy aka karma INTO my field. I used to be able to think, breathe, snap my fingers, and manifest my next steps. when I came to the city and was still working in corporate in 2005, I was not bogged down by text and there was thankfully no social, and I was able to work wonders for myself! when I landed in 2005, I knew that I had a small window to conquer my next “path” (one that would intertwine with all that I am doing today) before moving on to the next path. since I was in my 20s, I knew that just like having children, there was a window for what I was about to do next — and what I was about to do next was considered very hard. that was, get myself on a TV show. set myself up for my future with the public. in just one fiscal year after moving to the city, and leaving corporate for good in the way that I was working FOR “the man”, I began to work regularly in TV and Film — enough to pay my rent. and just one and a half years after that, I landed a guest starring role on the only show I wanted to be on at that time. you might ask, “how”?
my answer to “how” is not going to sound typical, perhaps. but this is my “how”, and it still is. and it is the reason for this article, as I consider the many other things I want in life and how I have to totally unplug in order to get them. my “how” was spending all of my time with mySELF. my inner self. yes, I did the actual leg work — I got photos done, I submitted for jobs, I did my mass (snail mail) mailings, and I attended workshops with casting directors. but the real work, as far as I was concerned and am still concerned, came from BEING. being with myself. while hustling bit jobs (I did a lot of photo double work and stand-in work on TV shows, commercials and Films with all of the biggest stars), and working as many odd jobs on top of that as possible and renting out my tiny studio “living room”, I spent time at the river. alone. no texting. no relationships. no DISTRACTIONS. it was AMAZING. I went to my Alanon support meetings back then because I couldn’t afford therapy. I wrote. I spent time with my animal. and, the most important part of all…every morning, I sat with my cheap cup of coffee from the bodega across the street and got PRESENT. the coffee was not great. the pots were old and crusty. the cups were waxy and the wax would come off and make its way into my coffee. it tasted stale. it was 75 cents a cup. AND I LOVED IT. I would find this bench on the upper east side where I lived, and just SIT WITH THAT COFFEE. and I would hear myself. feel myself. I told myself that although I felt lazy not “doing” something (I am a Capricorn!), that this period of not “doing” something was worth more manifestation-wise than ANY action I could take. I got in touch with God (I don’t mean religion). I simply did what I always did when I wanted something “extra” in life — I listened to my core. it amazes me how many people can’t do it. or don’t want to. or, it just hasn’t occurred to, to do.
as I reflect upon those coffee mornings, which came on the heels of my big break just a couple years into the entertainment game, I see what I’ve always seen for myself: my ability to manifest by recharging alone. recharging with ME. gathering ME. not spreading myself and my energy all over the place. I manifested by being TOTALLY SOVEREIGN.
I need and require that time again, NOW. this is what the last couple of years have been teaching me. by nature, because of what I do, I actually enter the OPPOSITE space when I work with someone. and so, it’s like having ALL of someone else in my energy field. I sign up for it. I like it — because I know where I start and stop (I always have), and can really help people in a certain way. but I have to be very careful with my outside life, A) to be effective in my work with someone and B) to draw MORE work IN. my work with people is not ongoing — and perhaps there is another reason for it, other than the one I decided. the one I decided is so that someone does not develop a crutch — so that they learn what their own energy is and how they can’t just be “gifted” a remedy. they can make use of the lending energy and information that they are being given, but they have to learn self-reliance. or else they don’t heal. many people can’t heal because they are too codependent energetically. this is like being a full-time addict. the other reason, for my work not being ongoing, is that due to the nature of it I would never otherwise have a SELF. and the same can be said for socializing. before the early and mid 00s, I felt like I was more accessible to mySELF. after the text and insta-everything crazy, I have felt less accessible to myself. and I don’t like it. and I had to make the executive decision to reinstate my favorite mantra by Dr. Seuss: “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”. in a nutshell, real friends, people who know you, don’t ever question your “accessibility” or lack thereof. my best relationships are those in which I could message someone 5x (in the past, of course!) and not hear boo back at all, or for a month, and I didn’t care. and vice versa. when someone cares, this is where it is a disease. an addiction. the ultimate codependency in action. THE ULTIMATE DRAIN.
don’t text me. don’t message me for a quick hit. I won’t receive it anyhow. if you really need me, I have a work line listed. call me. and if you are calling me for help, schedule and pay for a session. I am not a permanent, imminent, eternal open help-line for anyone who needs something from me. if you are a friend, I don’t even have to iterate any of this. and if you are a client or hopeful client, then hopefully you have read and understand my protocol — which repeatedly states how I work, and why. it’s fool-proof…for a reason.
when we really want to connect with someone and they aren’t available, any sense of “loss” over that is not loss — it is addiction. we are a nation of addicts, thanks in large part to tech. take a step back. this article isn’t about making suggestions though, it’s just a share about what works for me, my own mistakes, and my own re/focus. if it resonates, then great!
as I continue to dive deep retroactively, into another time and space PRE-text, I see how QUICKLY I was able to manifest things. although I can not compare apples to oranges, for it was a different time, I can say that I am retrieving what I once had: 100% of my essence — at least, in the sense that I am describing it here. other things like unconscious trauma and ptsd and the past and all of that are totally separate notions and nuanced subjects. but for this message, here, it is worth noting how my personal manifestation power was 100X stronger before text messaging existed.
every time I go within and do an uncording, and for the purpose of this article let’s consider it a permanent or semi-permanent uncording with the idea of text messaging noted, my life changes. I can’t change my life while taking others with me — and being accessible, morning noon and night is taking others with me. I’ve noticed the drastic difference in my mood, my overall energy levels, and my…manifestation…the more that I am sovereign. when we recharge alone (it is worth noting, that in order to do this, we actually have to know who we ARE…and not be an active addict of ANY sort), we are at our most personally and naturally powerful. we can see our potential — versus the potential that we are either giving away to others, or confusing our karma / manifestation with someone else’s. things speed up when we re-focus. and the best way for me to do that is the way that it always worked for me, like in the old days — even before there were cell phones! and that way is by having all of what belongs to ME, accessible to ME. not dozens or even a few people.
I say it with all of the love in my heart: don’t text me. I promise, that you will see why, during this next while. I’m building something.