one of the best days of my life was when I realized that someone else’s behavior has nothing to do with me.

photo by Anita Saini

a few years ago, I re-entered therapy for a couple of years. I had never had a steady therapist before. I hopped around throughout my 20s, and could never quite find the right person. either they lived out of state, or I was moving, etc. I was certainly “on the go” in my 20s. when I “landed” more permanently again in NYC, I had some unfortunate luck with therapists. one was a really perverse man who insisted I was unhappy because I was not yet married and pregnant (um, no.). one who I had hoped would be my guiding light was murdered in her office. one after that was an unhinged shut-in. I finally found a super top-level man therapist after that, but he didn’t accept insurance and I could not afford him. I guarantee he was worth every dollar though, and in just ONE meeting, I think I got all that I needed from him for about a year’s time. yes, some folks are indeed that good. so fast forward, and I met my “person” who I would stick with for a time. upon our first meeting, and within the first few minutes of meeting me, I will never forget what she said to me. knowing seemingly nothing about me. but she must have known. because she said point blank, and with a strong, almost glaring look in her eyes: “someone else’s obsession with you has nothing to do with you”. I thought, ok, thanks, but what exactly are you talking about? I didn’t know what to say to her. and then she said it again. looking back, of course it makes sense. but at the time, it (as I’m sure it was designed to do) caught me off guard.

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there is no shortcut out of an ego death. there is no shortcut out of a dark night of the soul. there is no stopping a spiritual awakening. the only way out is through, so stop resisting.

there is no shortcut out of an ego death. there is no shortcut out of a dark night of the soul. there is no stopping a spiritual awakening. the only way out is through, so stop resisting.

before I begin to address the above subject(s), let me start by saying that it is important to me that no one confuse any actual mental illness or chemical imbalance with what I describe in this eBooklet. often times, particular “awakening” phases can mimic symptoms of true mental illness and it is important to know the difference. symptoms of a mystical/philosophical variety and actual mental illness can “look similar” and at the same time there are DISTINCTIVE differences. and, many people who are mentally ill or who do have a mental illness are characterized by denial – even and especially during full-blown symptoms. if you are having ANY experiences that affect your ability to function in the outside world for days at a time, i.e. sleep, eat, and socialize with others, and/or if you are hearing audible voices or feel paranoid, it is very important to consider a consultation with a good psychiatrist. you may just be in an awakening process, you may in fact have a chemical situation in your brain that needs support, or you may have BOTH happening at the same time! so, that is to say that NOT everything you are going through that could be considered “bizarre” or “unique” is in fact such; classic mystical and philosophical states have their own category outside of a mental health condition and you have to know how that may or may not apply to your overall condition. this is a very tricky territory for some people to navigate, especially since the “intangible” or “mystical” is typically faced with complete intolerance and indifference in the medical community, and my heart goes out to anyone in a position where they actually need treatment and medication. I cannot imagine the added difficulty it presents for them. sometimes a massive awakening presents as a one-time psychotic break that mimics an illness yet it is not an illness. many times, however, a psychotic break is the indicator of the onset of a life-long condition that needs attention.

one of my major goals in this life, especially during this time of awakening on our planet, is to provide support for distinguishing a spiritual awakening, ego death, and/or dark night of the soul from an actual mental health crisis. in doing so, the actual mental health crisis – whether separate or accompanying the processes I describe here – can perhaps be addressed in a more cutting-edge and more powerful/effective way by medical professionals. many of the medical professionals I know personally who work at a high level in the fields of psychiatry or psychology are actually sensitives/intuitives themselves, and they have been forbidden to go near esoteric subjects from the time they were studying at University. introducing the esoteric or intangible to the science and medical communities has proven extremely difficult in mainstream medicine and psychiatry. fortunately, there are brave souls and doctors how have put their reputations on the line and broken the mold. I am excited because more and more of these special individuals are coming forward to help bridge the gap. the stigma around mental illness and chemicals in the brain is still awful, and treatment measures could and will be a lot better than what they have been up until this point.

I also want to state that I, personally, have no history of mental illness. while I enjoy/ed reading scores of books on various conditions and discussing them with my friends who were/are mental health professionals, I never experienced what I know those who suffer from actual conditions experience. however if I was, you had better believe that I would be a major personal public advocate for mental health based on my own story. if you are suffering chemically, please have a look at amazing, inspirational people who have both accepted, addressed and overcome the challenges they have been presented with. here are two to start with, Miss Elyn Saks, and Miss Eleanor Longden.

there should be NO shame or fear around chemical matters of the brain, yet shame and fear seem to permeate so many beautiful and talented humans who do experience chemical imbalances in the brain. I will do my best, with my various sensitivities both emotionally and physiologically, Bridging the Gap Between Medical & Spiritual™

most of the people I see are in the middle of one of these three processes. depending on the person, the process will move “fast” or “slow” – and time is most certainly an illusion during these phases, so it might as well be irrelevant to discuss time. everyone wants to know “how long”? “how much longer do I have to go through this”? my answer is always the same: how much longer do you want to keep resisting?

until we surrender to the throes of something we don’t understand, haven’t experienced before and cannot control, we will remain in a painful state. which is the whole point of visiting that state in the first place! we were brought there to surrender. this is not something that humans typically do well. we are raised in a culture of control, and now more than ever a culture of instant satisfaction; instant knowing. instant controlling. this is not how the internal human experience is designed, though.

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spiritual awakening

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