recently I had to do something that I have never done before (with my work)

photo by Anita Saini

energy seeks all of us. all of the time. it is how signals connect from one cell phone to the next. from one lap top to the next. and way, way beyond handheld devices. humans have the same ability and metaphoric infrastructure to transmute and receive signals. we are the sum total of our experiences, especially those locked away in cavities of the mind, body, and soul. those experiences host signals of others. and so on… think of the human body and astral field (or the electromagnetic field around the human) like a cell phone tower or server. there is so much that we do not know, understand, or even want to entertain in this regard — and this is why we get sick, can not let go of patterning, etc.

at any rate, I have been acutely aware of the above since my first breath. many of the mechanics and much understanding of how I perceived the world in this acute way was forcibly shut down (through trauma, chaos and abuse) from the beginning, so it took nearly into my late 20s to begin processing. this was after a bunch of self-help, some therapy, and LOTS of reading. one of the first books I came across during this time was power versus force. it was and is helpful, but I was hungry for so much more. I am still hungry for more. because I experience more than I can find in writing out there. so, I write for those who feel the same. and THIS…is naturally how I began practicing my healing work. THIS…is why it became so successful, so quickly. for those who were open, only because they had tried everything else, my understanding of them and metaphors ^ were game-changers.

to support what I am saying is something that happened to me this weekend. if you have not read about what happens to me before a session, please check it out. it will give you a very basic understanding of what my body, mind and spirit process before I see and help someone. well this weekend, there was a first. I am aware of the fact that some people or “healers” think there is a way to “block” what I am describing. I won’t argue, I will just say that no, no there is not, not for the way I process with and for others. at any rate, there is someone I really like as a person — a past patient. I worked with them once before. there was a lot to work with and move, and they had a very good experience with me — hence reaching out a year later with some new life challenges. some people simply have more than others. I understand that I am typically a last resort for most, even past patients who decide to try to see me a second time. this is because 1) I don’t just do a 60minute in-and-out session 2) I charge for my time, and beyond an hour is a lot for most people. in fact, working in under 90minutes is almost unheard of for me, whether it is an abbreviated session or not. this past patient was scheduled to see me, and like clockwork, the night before my entire body became enveloped with their situation. keep in mind, to this moment I do not know (from their mouth or writing) what their situation is — but my body knows. and if I were to translate such, I would articulate it word for word — in the session. it’s like a flow that comes through the top of my head and pursues my entire body. this is no different from two cell phones sending signals or downloads to one another. this is what my human body goes through when I engage with others, but it is pronounced times one thousand when I work with someone.

the night before the scheduled session with my former patient, I had a feeling, somehow, that I would not make it through the next day and see this patient. I was committed though, as I always am, 100%. I handed it over to the Universe and knew I would be guided either way. to be quite frank, I have not worked in a while, and I was looking forward to it. in the middle of the night, like always, my body began to absorb ALL kinds of things/information. my body gets invaded for ANY session, by the way, so this is not unusual. anyhow, as morning broke, my throat was swollen to a pulp and my eye was equally swollen. my body was screaming at me that, for whatever reason, I HAD to cancel and try to reschedule. do you know that I have never done that before? first, I don’t think I have ever done it ever with anyone, but definitely not the day of. also, if we are just being business-minded here, forgoing a large sum of money is not the goal. but as humans, we must come first and never do “business”, especially not when we are working with intangible realms. and so as my body screamed, as it communicates information to me in this way always, it made sure I would cancel and try to reschedule. which is what I did. I knew that as soon as I did such, the physical symptoms I had would lesson. and they did. not totally, as I am still carrying something for that person whom I like and really wanted to work with, and likely I am transmuting a bunch of stuff already.

my point is, energy is seeking us — CONSTANTLY. in my work, I know how it seeks me. it has done this since session ONE. it is how I developed 100% faith in my work and have never been off in my assessments — because this comes from a place beyond me. it is, in its own way, fact. energy seeks me not only via my work, but via my daily interactions — as it does EACH of us. not everyone might be as sensitive or attuned as I am, but I ask you to consider listening to your body. listen to your body when you feel you are being rejected — consider that you might actually be getting protected. listen to your body when things don’t go as planned, or your entire day folds. trust that which you can not see, because that is what is running the show. things are often being reordered in our favor and in the favor of others, and there is great reward in that trust, if we can manage it.

back when I could not eat or keep my lights on, I got many calls for session work. this is around the time I said to the Universe “ok fine, I will be that weird person who people might make fun of or criticize for doing ‘healing work'”! healing or “Reiki” was certainly NOT trending and so people didn’t really get it (they never get it until mainstream news and society says its “ok!”), and I was nervous about doing everything right so that I was not potentially further ostracized if I got it wrong. also, from a soul level, I knew that this was more than a business. this was the business of souls. so when I got many calls and was not eating or paying rent, I still did not follow through with many of the calls. my mind, obviously wanted to rebound from where I was at logistically. but I was being tested. tested to see whether I would take the bait, doing the kind of work that really does not exist in the realm of business. yes, I treat it like a business, and with as many boundaries as I can — but when it comes to working with someone at the wrong time, or working with a person I know that for some reason I am being told not to work with (they may be perfectly wonderful and kind, by the way), I can not violate that. I will not violate that. I have been offered huge, huge things — bait, I call it, from the Universe — that would tempt the average person. of course, they all boil down to perceived monetary gain or temporary ego satisfaction. and I say no. repeatedly. it is why my process is what it is, outlined in my About and Public Figures sections — I don’t care who someone is, or what they “offer” me. this healing work is no joke. my health, my sanity, and my peace of mind are irreplaceable…

growing up, peace of mind was nowhere in sight. it was a daily struggle just to keep it together. I experienced unconscionable emotional, psychological and physical desecration. I finally began to process a lot of this in my late 20s, and I found actual peace in my early 30s. FINALLY. once I found that, there was nothing like it. sitting in housing court (multiple times), having no food, I found myself smiling — because I was SO HAPPY. inside. and I would NEVER trade that for anything, not for a day, not for a trillion dollars. I consider that tough stretch of times in my life a right of passage that I had to go through, in order to test my temptation with the things like money or status that would come with the work I would do later. and I know I passed. and even though I was looking forward to working with someone who I like this weekend, and by all outside appearances wanted to work with, I must trust that thing that I always trust — that thing that is bigger than me. that energy that weaves through my body, and engulfs the deadened circumstances and darkness of someone who wants and chooses to hand it over me to help heal and shift. that energy that either works with me, or lets me know that I am crossing the line and to check back later. or, not at all.

there will always be a first with my work. for anyone who has ever called me and not heard back (typically I need a month to go through all voicemails, so I have a tendency to call someone back many weeks later due to call volume), I want you to understand that these are not strictly logical decisions that I am making about my work. it is so far beyond that. I have also your best interest in mind, and maybe I am not your person. in addition, I suggest to you to listen to your core, as best you can. one of the best starting points, if you are interested, is renowned medical intuitive Dr. Caroline Myss. I discovered her in my early 20s. she is no bullshit. she has excellent books on tape. she will certainly not teach you how to be a healer. no one can do that. but she will help you realize not only are you not crazy, but there is a power greater than you and yes it does relate to your body, mind and spirit. this is the power I listen to and honor every single day of my life. and sometimes, as a result, I make a decision I have never made before.