the next Healing Elaine® book club, romantic partnership choices, and other “choices” thoughts

to join our next Healing Elaine® book club, become a member of the HE® locals community at while I am still selecting the subject matter (which will be announced at my locals community), I have a few passing thoughts to share.

first, it’s been requested that I include one of my articles related to how/why we choose certain romantic partnerships, and how past trauma ties to such. I’ve written, endlessly, about this subject and the deep nuances within various themes that accompany choosing romantic (and other!) partnerships. let’s see which HE® article we end up going with for this next book club.

next, I felt inspired to make a (quick? maybe) note about partnerships and romantic partnerships in particular. I will not be addressing the very layered and detailed content that I share in my other articles because, that is what those other articles are for. however I will say one key word: EXPANSION.

what is expansion? well, it means that you get “bigger”. your extremities become pronounced. your intrinsic, divine gifts become more obvious to you (and I suppose, by the law of physics, then the world). your purpose becomes clearer. expansion means that the things that really work, WORK. contraction would be…obviously the opposite.

when we start to understand our past, and particularly if it was very traumatic and we only experienced bad (even horrific) patterning, we understand what makes us expand versus contract.

I experienced both themes as a younger person. in my teens, and in my 20s. I had, mostly relationships that made me contract — while I focused on expanding that other person. I did not know better. however — I also had a relationship that, while disappointing and traumatic in an entirely DIFFERENT way, expanded me. for reasons I will not elaborate on here, this relationship did not go the distance. but, it was my first experience with EXPANDING.

expansion does not always have to be the result of a romantic encounter. however, it is a sign of a “right” choice when it happens, and there is nothing like a romantic relationship to highlight all that we love/fear/desire. when I had this experience, my world opened in ways that I can not describe — and I can not give all of the credit to the other person. it just…happened. they were a conduit, a proxy, a “possibility” from God; and the rest was up to them to continue their own expansion (or not). I see it as a meridian line that I crossed and in doing so, my inner world opened up. I felt like I had “permission” to “become who I was”. I was seen. though I can “see” SO many people, I had not and have not often had the experience of me, myself, being truly SEEN. this person SAW me.

being seen is expansive; being reflected (aka projected upon) is contractive.

while we will never know the reason/timing of a particular relationship or partnership, we can be sure that the feeling of expansiveness — particularly in a romantic dynamic — is positive. confusing expansiveness with something else aka trauma is…a whole other article. expansiveness brings us FURTHER into purpose. my experience with expansiveness brought me as close to my core as I could imagine even describing. sharing space with someone who could SEE me and who spoke to my soul, ignited previously un-accessed resources within my being — and so I began to use them since they were somehow then “accessed”. I promised myself that I would never settle until I felt that expansiveness again…not in business, in life, or in romance.

as I speak about in my eBooklet 5, no — we are NOT all the same energetically. to say otherwise is a huge, dysfunctional uninformed myth. people do not understand high-level concepts like “oneness” so they just make things up. sort of like the mainstream news and the CDC! I digress. whatever we line up with will either match us (expansive) or deplete us (contractive).

being in a contractive relationship or dynamic feels as though your entire world is getting SMALLER. I remember a “serious relationship” that I was in — I confused it with a deep emotional bond when it was, in fact, a trauma bond and I was basically their healer/bed-nurse. during this time, their life soared and mine sank. when we parted ways, I sprang back to life (expansion). desperate to break this pattern, I made a constant effort to recognize the signs that welcomed me into that dynamic and never settle for less than the expansive experience that I had at 24. what was so confusing about my above noted contractive romantic relationship was how “familiar” it felt — but not in a good way. it was not a SOUL familiar; it was a PERSONAL familiar. those are two entirely different things.

an expansive relationship of any sort is when your entire being opens up, and you feel capable of doing anything — you also begin to remember WHO YOU ARE. I relate this metaphor directly to my career/purpose, as well. take from that what you will.

though we will continue to attract and select experiences and partnerships that revise the version of ourself that we inherently are (via either contraction OR expansion), we do get to ultimately choose which path we go down to learn. the only difference is whether that path is based on forgetting, or remembering. I always want to remember. I did enough forgetting in order to serve others who will never serve anyone – not even themselves.

for more on this subject, but specifically related to our next HE® book club selection, I hope to see you at locals!