how to distinguish triggers from actual danger
this is one of the hardest notions on the planet to plow through, at any given point in our life, because we are SO shaped by our experiences — conscious and unconscious. we simply can not see…what we can not see. this provokes conflict — both collective, and personal. with that said, within predominantly CONSCIOUS individuals or groups, expansion, healing and ultimate incredible creation IS possible as we transcend layers of the intangible in correlation to THAT WHICH WE CAN NOT SEE (the unconscious). we can only do this (ultimate creation) with others. and these others must key into something very pointed, very deep, and very buried (whether good or bad!) within us.
I talk about mirrors all of the time, and how some people are bigger/brighter mirrors than others. people who carry an incredible amount of light reflect this way to the outside world — often bringing the mirror-wearer incredible pain (as the world around them both doesn’t understand AND takes advantage of their unique vibration) as well as a sense of isolation and “otherness”. read about this in my eBooklet 5 please, which I wrote back in 2015. mirrors can appear at any given time, anywhere, and what they reflect can be confusing as they provoke the entire unconscious territory surrounding ALL PEOPLE who are communicating (consciously AND unconsciously). when I speak of the unconscious, I am speaking about the absence of TIME and space. this means that one experience or one interaction can erupt (for better or for worse) feelings, experiences, patterns, destinies and MORE that a person is completely unaware of in tandem with their communication / relationship to another person (or group of people).
when I began my practice, I worked the same way I work now — blind. this is because I am curious about the UNCONSCIOUS territory. it is the territory of psychic, and of all things tangibly unspoken. it is also the most powerful (or destructive) territory. I want to know this territory. for myself, and for others. I want to show others this territory so that they may determine their LENSES. lenses are our ego. our bias. not the “unconscious bias” that stupid corporate agenda is pushing to actually CREATE the very thing that they say that they hate. I digress. so when I began HE® and sat down with a person, I would often ask them if I reminded them of anyone. ANYONE. someone they liked, someone they didn’t like, whatever. for I KNEW and know about transference, and how each of us is susceptible to it at the drop of a hat. including myself. it was important for me to remove the lenses that were dirty, out of date, or didn’t belong to that person. it takes a lot of time and energy to 1) discover lenses and 2) scrub them. in any event, this was and is part of my process. I often also immediately asked people about racism. I asked what their experience was, and if I reminded them of anyone who hurt them. since I will never know what it is to walk in someone else’s shoes, I wanted to know their walk. I wanted to clear the decks and provide an accurate lens for them through which to look. when we see/hear something, and it could be anything, we have immediate conclusions whether we realize it or not…unless, of course, we have REALLY cleared our lenses. we get better at this over time, but when we are just beginning to explore the territory of SELF, we have to know what our lenses are. some people are incredibly adept at knowing their lenses. others aren’t. it’s specifically why our country is divided — and NOT because of the bs narrative pushed by the fake news media. the fake news media LOVES LENSES. they wanna keep them in place as long as possible. they are the opposite of the work that I did, do, and enjoy with others.
in a close relationship with another person, the only difficulty (pending both people are generally good people) that arises is lenses. the unconscious. and it can transcend time and space in a way that confuses us. I’ve worked with couples who were perfect for each other, but their lenses were different — because they had different lives before they met. the conflict that they generally dealt with was not tangible — rather it was intangible. I don’t want to say that women are more intuitive than men, but yes they are. and they do process things differently. there are biological differences in this way, between men and women. sexuality has nothing to do with this. WITH THAT SAID, I do believe, see, and know that some men may carry more feminine energy and some women may carry more masculine energy — and it can work beautifully, depending on the balance in the relationship, for same sex / opposite sex / whatever sex relationships. masculine or feminine energy is not what I am referring to when I talk about lenses. biological differences in processing psychological discourse do factor in with regard to gender though. this is also an interesting dynamic in same sex close relationships! and though someone with more female energy who is a woman and another person with more male energy who is also a woman may pair, their lenses will still be different — while their psychological processing will be similar (often easier! — and same with male same sex relationships or partnerships). to make a long story short, lenses are more psychologically scientific whereas masculine / feminine energy is fluid and contributes differently to the overall picture. I know this is a lot to swallow and I will try my best to make it clearer either later on in this piece.
so going back to a 1:1 relationship with another person. let’s take two amazing people, like couples I’ve worked with. they love each other deeply. they maybe had a honeymoon phase in their relationship for a whole year. maybe 5 years. maybe a month. and then BOOM — a volcano bursts. sure, this can sometimes boil down to what I was talking about above with the biological differences in psychological processing between men and women, but to be honest THAT IS THE EASY PART. the hard part is the LENSES. lenses trap us in different eras of time. since we probably weren’t there for the first 20 or 30 or 40 or whatever years of another person’s life, we don’t know all of their lenses. and they don’t know them either. we don’t even know our own — until we know them. this is why many people are scared to enter relationships or bond deeply and intimately. it’s not that they are afraid of “commitment”; it’s that they are afraid of the unconscious territory…and typically they don’t even know why.
we are afraid of what we can not remember. we are (often unconsciously) afraid of what someone else can not remember. and we are also afraid of what we can not SEE (as energy is ever-rampant and swirling around us — through other people we are connected to, present tense and even past tense), and what another person can not see. this is the territory of “conflict”. the stronger the ego of the individual, the bigger the problem. however, in dynamics in which folks are truly evenly matched (platonically or romantically), they come together to expand. for whatever period of time. maybe briefly. maybe forever. the ingredient to understanding (now or later) “how long” is typically simply boiled down to what each person wants in life. even just friendships. if the wants and desires are the same, the dynamic can go on for eternity — pending each person’s intrinsic level of consciousness and their will to access it. if each person is conscious, and the lenses can be cleaned, the dynamic can also grow eternally — again pending a paired mutual want/desire of xyz in life. so here we have two main factors in 1:1 relationships (the collective is another story, but you can imagine the bigger picture in that regard after reading this piece): 1) wants/desires (evolved people are good at knowing this, even when they “don’t know”…it is actually simple) 2) lenses (the trickier part). and again, the more evolved the person/s, the easier the lens part is…for they will establish very quickly what they are encountering tangibly and intangibly. I’ll provide some examples. and before I do…
the strength of a bond that feels like heaven on earth, will also feel like hell on earth when lenses aren’t scrubbed. they can only be scrubbed by the ultimate form of communication aka consciousness (aka clarity. God truth. light. courage). when they are scrubbed, we can evolve as people — in friendships or romantic partnerships. this (above) polarity is NOT to be confused with a dysfunctional relationship dynamic — that is something else, and I will also explain that. the hallmark of a dysfunctional relationship is marked by UNCONSCIOUS, and the addiction to STAY THERE. to hide from one’s self. dysfunctional relationships (of any sort) are marked by lower consciousness beings who can’t/won’t look at their blind spots. this can be most painful, especially in a romantic partnership, in which two persons DO have the same needs/wants in life (as even that can be hard to find). again, needs and wants are simpler (and I will explain that more/further in a bit). these (unconscious lens bonds) are the dynamics in which people feel most devastated, and can’t “get over”, because they are — and their partner is — driven 100% by the unconscious field. the field of amnesia. the field of trauma. and in this way, they repeat what EACH OF THEM CAN NOT / DOES NOT want to see. they are repeating hidden memories and feelings and using (unintentionally and unconsciously) one another to play out the past (playing out the past in a HEALTHY way, though, can actually be a healthy — and often very sexual — healing and sustainable experience). this can go on for years. what makes these people different from otherwise healthy and conscious people and relationships or friendships that WORK is the inability to be honest with themselves.
relationships (of all kinds) that have the potential to be saved are those with the same needs. however simply bonding on needs and wants won’t call for a particularly deep relationship. some people are ok with that, though. needs and wants are generally intrinsic, and they bring the two people together in the first place. this is PART OF the GLUE that God uses, in order to FORCE the pair to expand…because conflict (thank you, dirty lenses) is imminent. at some point. for all of us who are truly close to another person. needs and wants aren’t “I want a house in the burbs with 2.5 kids”…needs and wants are actually deeper. needs and wants are a way of being, like a desire to feel autonomous, independent and creative. needs and wants look like “I might need my own bedroom to feel autonomous but still be married to you” lol. yes, that is fine! needs and wants look like “my soul needs to be with someone very powerful and someone who actualizes that power”. needs and wants look like “I believe in miracles and God and I need someone who understands that”. needs and wants look like “I want a friend/partner who knows parts of me that others can’t see”. needs and wants look like “I want a business that my person will get behind in one way or another”. needs and wants look like “I need this much space and this much closeness at the same time”. needs and wants look like “I can’t follow convention”. needs and wants look like “I need to receive as much as I give, in one form or another”…and that last one, can sort of blend into a LENS. needs and wants are basically surface, statable, logical basics that don’t ever get confusing. LENSES GET CONFUSING THOUGH. and they can seemingly impede upon or distort, in one or both person’s eyes, needs and wants. even though those needs and wants never actually changed! lenses are a problem. and a solution. and a gift. depending upon what we do with them…
lenses, in addition to needs and wants, actually initially unconsciously bond us to another person. that whole “je ne sais quoi” element that we feel when we feel FIRE for another person is a lens. it is a SHARED LENS or lenseS that we actually have with that person, and we may be aware of them right away or become aware of more of them later on (during which “conflict” hits). in unconscious relationships, a lens will never be talked about. because it will remain hidden. in conscious relationships, a lens will be revealed…only to transform the two “best friends” or lovers or partners (even in platonic business dynamics) for the better. into further PURPOSE. this is the ideal way that relationships are supposed to work. the hidden lens/es that bond us to another person romantically are there intentionally to expand us. but in an unconscious dynamic, we never expand. in this case, both people go downhill together (there are many of these dynamics), or one person goes downhill and has to LEAVE the dynamic. the most painful dynamic for a conscious person in a dynamic like this is when another person is unconscious. the unconscious will never look at the lens the two people share. it’s too painful for them. and even though it bonded them in the first place, THEY ARE SIMPLY OPERATING AT DIFFERENT INTRINSIC LEVELS. intrinsic levels can’t be changed (also in my eBooklet 5), and this is when it gets difficult for a person to determine a trigger from danger.
someone committed to their unconscious is indeed dangerous. however it’s easy to know, quickly, if this is the case. if months go by in a friendship or partnership and someone does anything that they can to not look at a lens which provoked “trauma” between the two people, this means that one person (the unconscious one) will never look under the hood while the conscious one will. this is dangerous because the field of the unconscious person grows bigger with debris…which only hits the mutual lens of the pair harder and harder and harder — as the conscious person processes and heals it! unfortunately this dynamic will never change, and the more conscious (aka willing to look at OUR scary triggers or unconscious behaviors and what they mean) we are, the faster we will recognize the forest for the trees. let me be clear by saying that having and examining triggers/lenses has NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING PERFECT. it has to do with curiosity. unconscious people are not curious. they simply won’t go there. so if you got paired with a friend or lover who seemed “perfect” and they won’t/can’t dive deep, you have to know the level that the relationship is on. which leads me to talking about triggers versus actual danger (and this one is tricky as the two can and are intended to overlap in order to heal the mind/body/soul)…
a trigger is a SHARED LENS of trauma. for both people in a dynamic. it can feel like a polarity. typically the more feminine energy (regardless of whether this is a platonic or sexual relationship) will express the trigger FOR BOTH PARTIES. we all know that women are more emotionally outward — again, this is biology. not to be confused with personality disorders which PLENTY of men (and women) have. when a trigger is expressed by one party, it IS indeed tapping into something real…it’s just that it is felt, — for BOTH PEOPLE — as super present tense when in fact it incorporates many elements of the past (lenses) for both persons in order to understand and heal this shared lens. a trigger is a cue that YES, something is happening that needs to be examined…triggers are NOT hallucinations, or delusions. within a CONSCIOUS PERSON, a trigger is an indication that yes…something is up here that is not seen. not tangible. yet. it’s an opportunity for each party to examine, perhaps over time, but also in the moment from various bodies of self. the difficulty for many people when they are in a trigger is 1) not trusting themselves about what they are feeling 2) the other person not trusting them (because duh — they share the same trauma/lens and it’s HIDDEN, for the time being) 3) not seeing that in tandem with YES a valid feeling (triggers ALWAYS connect, like string theory, to SOMETHING REAL/relevant), that there is an OLD EVENT or events that need to be cleared…and not just for one person, BUT FOR BOTH. the problem here, though, often is that if the level of consciousness is not matched then it will look like a surface human problem. this is when we drop into the lower realms of ourselves, the more human realms, which tell us all kinds of stories. when we are conscious though, we can and have the ability and the desire to step back and see a bigger picture. not everyone can do this. and for a person in a trigger (which again, is always actually shared by the other party!) who is unconscious, because they are too scared to dive into what it represents all around, they will misperceive it as “danger” — no matter what side of the trigger they are on.
the fundamental difference between a trigger and danger is one concept: speed and duration. a trigger, which is not true real-time imminent danger (just rather a healing for both persons in any relationship), will occur after a period of time as it’s DESIGNED TO DO. danger, however, will occur FAST. you’ll know it / see it / experience it / feel it RIGHT AWAY. I’ll give an example. I’ve not been one for dating apps. however I signed up once for like a MINUTE. just to “make sure” I wasn’t holding myself back, lol. I’m always looking at my ways of being. so I go on a date with this guy, and we have a number of the same needs and wants. they didn’t match completely, but that’s not the point. after the date, I thought, wow, what a funny thing to meet someone so great on a dating app. he’s sort of great! and with that said, my unconscious had actually already begun picking up other things on the way to the date (which I only thought about later — you’ll see why). I was literally listening to a song about a guy killing his girlfriend on my way to the date. actually it was Guns N’ Roses “Used To Love Her“. some part of me decided to play this on auto-repeat for like 20 minutes while I walked to the date (I didn’t want him to pick me up for the date). so I’m loving this song and then I have this great date. he was dynamic, interesting, and checked boxes. I had a sense that he thought I was “it”. after the date he followed up right away to say he had a great time and I thought, “how refreshing he doesn’t play games”. later that evening, he followed up again…asking me out for the following week. at this point, while I found it great that he followed up without playing some game, something inside of me questioned (a minor trigger) why he didn’t give me a day to breathe. I dismissed my low key feeling as me being “closed off” lol. so I said yes to a date the next week. the next day, I get a message from him asking about my day and letting me know that he would be close by that day and he would love to meet for coffee. I began to feel that low key feeling again and I said no, I was busy. and I was busy. later that evening, he messaged me asking if we could move next week’s date UP…a few days. so now I’m feeling like he’s controlling. since we hadn’t even made out or talked much before the date, and with no long-standing history, I didn’t feel fear — but, I did feel danger. I wasn’t sure why. and the problem was, that he WAS triggering me…yet the trigger was designed to detect danger; not a LENS. the lens would have meant that we both have something to learn TOGETHER and either grow from or not. this trigger grew for me and I began thinking of ways to slow burn disappear without him knowing I was doing it. the problem was that he was really smart, and I felt he wouldn’t quit. due to me being conscious, I didn’t drag on the trigger-danger into a fully dangerous situation by questioning myself…but this is the territory in which we can certainly transition from trigger to danger in moments by making the wrong choice. in short, this guy did everything that he could to manipulate me into seeing him. I never did. I got the strong sense that he was a stalker — not just a regular stalker, but a real one. maybe he fantasized about chopping up pretty girls’ bodies. thankfully I have experience dealing with stalkers, socios and crazy people and I knew how to make him feel like he had “won” and that I was not someone he would be interested in. it’s just a certain approach which is not the point of this article. but my point is, yes I do think he is a dangerous person. there were similar hallmarks about him that are akin to Scott Peterson who killed his wife and unborn baby. I won’t go into all of the particulars here, but my unconscious first screamed at me. a few things screamed at me over dinner on our date and only became clearer to me afterward. my trigger was a warning of danger. not some unresolved emotional conflict.
most people (usually women) dismiss their intuition which is a danger warning, because it corresponds to a trigger that they haven’t yet sorted through. when we don’t sort through triggers within ourselves or in therapy or with our partner/relationship, we can carry on a relationship unconsciously. we are always hiding from ourselves when we end up in a dangerous situation, because trauma is designed to hide memory. like so many women who are repeatedly raped — this happens to them because whatever that initial horror was, they went unconscious in spotting the trigger warning and realizing that it was both a trigger AND DANGER at the same time. triggers are yes, always triggers…but they are there for a reason. we just have to know which one.
triggers grow us, and danger destroys us. true triggers that are devoid of real-time danger bring the past INTO the present and are ACTUALLY SHARED by both parties. this doesn’t usually happen when we first meet someone. if a huge trigger happens right when we first meet someone, it’s a trigger but DANGER. this is how we spot the difference. and the ultimate measuring stick is consciousness…when we hide from ourselves and our past, in varying degrees, we will either end up in FULL-TIME triggers (and draw to us people who are always in a trigger — blaming them, of course!) or extreme danger…because we couldn’t understand that the trigger connected to something old yes, but was warning us about something NEW and DANGEROUS. here is now the trigger “warning” corresponded to my past in the form of a warning trigger versus a conscious growth trigger…
I was controlled. obsessed over. owned. not by one person but more than one person. the biggest influence in this regard though, was a male energy. it’s like they couldn’t live without me. without my life force. without my being. this past energy, which I worked through as best as a person could (and I think I’ve been very successful here which is the whole point in being able to recognize it), was a STRING THEORY HIT connected to the dude at dinner. it was the same energy. since I had done the work, consciously within myself, I recognized it as danger. there was no LENS involved here, because the one that corresponded to this situation HAD BEEN SCRUBBED. there was no lens here, because there was no mutual growth to be done between myself and this other person. it was a sound alarm. perhaps if this were many years ago, I would have engaged the trigger which was actually danger, and for a time gotten wrapped up in evil. do you see the difference between a (healthy) trigger which is a LENS for two people to grow from, versus a (healthy) trigger which is an indication of DANGER which is only a lens for YOU? time and duration, again, are the hallmarks of separating what is healthy versus unhealthy.
let’s go back to the needs and wants part. the needs and wants are what line us up. it’s the simpler part. the unconscious unspoken territory, known as a LENS, is the GLUE. it is there to bond two people together so that they MUST WORK THROUGH their mutual trigger aka lens/es. a trigger better known as a lens in this regard does not happen right off the bat if you are conscious. if you are unconscious, though, then you could be dealing with trigger DANGER the entire time and dismissing it — confusing it as “working things through” with another person.
many years ago I did this to myself in platonic situations. I met some truly crazy people and I stuffed down my trigger DANGER warnings as simply my OWN trigger aka lens aka something that *I* needed to work through. the thing is, I didn’t need to work through anything with said other person — only recalling conscious memory that would keep me away from those people and those people away from me. the triggers were ALWAYS IMMEDIATE and I never once had a bond been first formed. this was simple stranger danger.
we fall into confusion in close personal relationships because: 1) two people share the same exact trigger, no matter who is expressing it and 2) LEVELS OF CONSCIOUSNESS — meaning if only one person is capable of examining the trigger, no matter whose it appears to be on the surface, then it’s NOT a good match. for consciousness is a set level (this is my belief) that we can not alter. we come in as we are, and we either CHOOSE to expand or not (that is another subject — please read my article on how soul contracts work for more on this). however if two people match their wants and needs (simpler than becoming conscious — DESPITE being an intrinsic match or not — there is a difference here and it’s a soul’s choice to embody potential or not), AND they intrinsically match in level of consciousness, all things are possible. the trick is really, ultimately, matching someone’s level of consciousness AND having both parties exercise their will to step into their INDIVIDUAL power. no one can do this for another person. and imbalance aka “doing it for another person” will never work. this is the sin and despair of free will my friends. but in a conscious dynamic, there is no attachment to outcome…whether in work or in love or in anything else…for if we embody our fullest best self, all that truly matches us will stay. all that doesn’t, whether it’s due to human free will to remain stuck or whether it is due to our own lack of desire or courage to unpack a LENS, will go. AND YOU IT WON’T TAKE MONTHS OR YEARS TO FIGURE OUT. this is a key point. those of you waiting for your lover or business partner or best friend to “come around” for a truly extended period of time are forcing and bending will — yours, theirs, and that of the Universe.
this is a complicated piece to write about. my goal and hope is to clear up questions that people have about their relationships in life, and understand their position and potential within them. I’ve seen too many of the wrong people stay together (not a match in consciousness, very different wants and needs, or a variation of the aforementioned), and I have seen too many of the right people suffer because they don’t understand their (shared) LENSES aka triggers. again, this is always just ego and wherever they are at with their shared consciousness (and yes they can be a perfect consciousness match in this space, and STILL suffer/be confused, because maybe that set level is lower than a pair who could work through a trigger/lens in a shorter period of time).
the greatest gift and healing that we can offer ourselves is trusting what we feel in our hearts (intuition) while better understanding our minds (ego, computer programming — as the mind is a computer, and experiences) and LENSES of which there are so many. our lenses, when we are in a match dynamic of ANY sort, are our greatest mutual gifts as long as we do not allow ego and pain body to interfere. lenses are always shared, even (and especially) when it seems that they are not. triggers aka lenses are the glue that bonds us to a potential of expansion while God directs us (if we are high vibe enough and courageous enough to listen). life is short. take risks, but don’t waste time. what is there for you will always show up the way you want it to when you dive deep and do the work. when we do this, we are in conscious manifestation mode. suffering (imminent for us in all close relationships) is shorter term, and clarity is ever more so exhilarating. we are not on this journey alone, but our sovereign (seemingly alone, individual) potential must do its part to truly create with another person.
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