You can change at any time
Sort of. Yes, you can change at any time. Yes, it is a journey getting there — to the point of realization — in terms of what needs to change and why.
I am an intrinsically happy person. A ridiculous person. A bit of a clown — intrinsically as well as externally. If you only read my blog or about my healing work, however, you might never know this. If I am only connected to my healing work and nothing else, then I might forget this too.
We become what we know / what we have seen. But there was a time before that — when we were just a soul. A soul, hopping into a body and experience, that was there to direct us into our greatest expansion. Souls and their purposes and their expansions are all relative. That subject is another article. The point is, what we are and where we have been in this life are not the same thing.
I look back on different times of my life and see when and where I was at my full external expression and why. When I was away from the environmental factors that robbed my essence, I would become full. Later, though, I would have to confront what robbed my essence and it was hard to be full because I was processing it — none of us avoids this, unless we want to avoid processing altogether and THAT is when we basically kill any opportunity to expand…thus completely avoiding purpose.
In my teens and early 20s I was no doubt the most FUN person to be around. I looked at the world differently and I still do. To me, the world was a playground to enjoy and experience and express my joy and humor. Despite deep and old pain (which I wasn’t conscious of at the time), I was separate from that for a time and completely carefree. People literally knew me as unflappable, unstoppable, hilarious and fun. As such a time comes for everyone to integrate all parts of their being (this can come at any time in life), mine came and the reaction from those who knew me “best” was interesting.
As I began to integrate my being and transmute the past that was never connected to my intrinsic self, I toned it down a bit. I didn’t want to go to every party anymore. I didn’t want to give all of my energy to everyone. I wanted to understand things that were always there, but that I wasn’t able to feel until I was in a certain place in my life. I recall being out with a bunch of college friends one night — there were maybe 20 of us. I was mid 20s and not so much into being “crazy” in the way that I used to be. I was more subdued, I guess you could say. People noticed. And I think some of them, who never knew me that well, thought something was wrong. It’s like they were waiting for me to light up the night and I just couldn’t. I had moved into a different space of reflection. I wasn’t unhappy, I was just in the midst of growing through things that I had disconnected from for such a long time. As some nights went, my friends got rowdy and we went to a couple of strip clubs. The usual suspects passed out in the champagne room and their credit cards were run to the max. Say what you will but I always thought this was fun and funny. I recall one person asking me if I was having fun — and wondering why I wasn’t more jovial. I recall thinking, “but I AM jovial”…it’s just that something in me had fundamentally shifted and I didn’t translate the way that I did when I was disconnected from the things that needed to shift OUT of my being. It would take a while for that to happen, too. But I was still the same person…
Other friends “noticed” a “change” in me, too, during social events. I suppose again that I was just…more subdued. Perhaps to the outside world it looked like a personality shift, but it wasn’t. I was aware of my energy and the fact that I was contending with many of the things that these same people who were observing MY “shift” would ultimately contend with too — whether they wanted to or not. In a nutshell, I guess you could say that I went through my mid-life crisis early. It’s also why I pursued all of my “crazy” dreams early too, because I knew I would run out of steam later on.
I kept all of the same friends (except for one which I left behind many years later for totally different reasons) and I am grateful for that because these are people I have known for over a decade. They changed and shifted too, depending upon their life choices and their past — the things that were not intrinsic to them but were external and had affected them. Some of them didn’t confront these things until their 30s. Some of them have yet to confront these things. These things, again, are the forgotten or repressed energies or memories of early life. We take in and take on ALL that surrounds us, for better or for worse, whether we remember it or not. Each of us gets hit differently. I observed the big group of friends and acquaintances of mine as I do to this day, and it has been interesting…
While I became a bit more “subdued” or even sullen at times in my 20s after being known only for my light and laughter, I noticed that I THEN became more open and light again as I processed certain energies and events that had attached themselves to my core. At the same time, I noticed the “happy” and “carefree” friends processing THEIR repressed experiences and energies and becoming either more subdued or perhaps even in crisis. It was an interesting phenomenon to observe. Those who went deep, who did the work and dug, and who didn’t cling to their ego aka identity aka the way that they wanted to be observed in the world and BY the world, did well — even if things took longer. Some of them got married in their 20s and divorced and married again to “get it right”. Others stayed and clung for dear life in situations that would not allow them to expand because their idea of how they wanted to be perceived was too important to them. This made me sad. It’s easy to look happy to the world, and on social media. But the fact is, everyone has trauma…and if it’s not dealt with then nothing can fake it enough.
What I noticed in my situation as well as my friends’, is that each of us had/has a choice: to become what we have always been, or regress to an idea of self based on ego and based on the rejection of processing hard truth. The thing is, that the hard truth DOES catch up to someone at some point, so even if you are excellent at hiding it it will surface at 30 / 40 / 50 / 60 +. In our early 20s, we are excellent masters at hiding it — mostly because our brain hasn’t even touched it yet. I wanted to go through this early because I was so afraid of making HUGE life choices (like marriage and children) only to start over again. And, there is NOTHING WRONG with doing the latter — I just had instincts that said “not yet” — despite societal norms. If I didn’t have to work through certain things, sure thing I likely would have married at 23 and had three kids shortly thereafter. I am a fan of whatever is right for each person.
When the “truth” begins to hit us, in the sense that we can not escape our most hidden traumas (and again: we all have them, just in different ways), it changes our entire life. We actually become, for a time, that trauma. For example. Have you ever known someone as a child who was one way and then as an adult they literally fell into the gutter and never come out? This is unprocessed trauma. It’s easy to disconnect from for a time, and in fact it’s an essential mechanism of the brain to do so. You wouldn’t know this by looking at everyone’s social media profiles. People don’t share what they don’t want you to see, let alone what they themselves don’t want to see. So, everything looks happy. When someone goes into the gutter and never comes out, it is because they are totally avoidant. Hollywood is a great example of this. Washed up “stars” who look 50 at 30. They are repressed. The truth has hit, and they are being asked to be who they are not what they have experienced. They are being asked to become that trauma — just for a time…
When we become that trauma, for a time, in order to process it, people who know/knew us may not understand what is happening. But this is a necessary part of the process to become who we have always been all along — in essence, getting back to the person that they “knew”. I can relate to this. Not only did I deep dive into what was NOT mine, but I dedicated a decade plus of work toward it in terms of helping others do the same. This has been difficult in the regard that I MUST align myself with the trauma of each person I work with to help them. This is not something that I could EVER explain to anyone who has not had a session with me. Writing about what happens for me when I work does not even do the explaining any justice. It’s a true phenomenon and I’ve needed to merge with their energy field, effectively BECOMING IT, to shift it. Also, you CAN NOT do this unless you have lived a lot of different experiences in life. Lots of fakers out there reading my blog and claiming to “experience” what I do when I work because they desperately want to be “healers”. Anyhow, real recognize real and fake recognize fake.
As I reached the end of certain parts of my personal journey with regard to what I am NOT, my work became both harder AND easier. Harder because I STILL “became” who that person was I was to work with (often WEEKS BEFORE THEY EVEN CONTACTED ME), and STILL confused it with MY feelings…this interfered AND interferes with my personal life (the mirrored simulation of one experience layered over another is REAL — I live this); easier because I was able to see so much more clearly what is mine and what is not mine AFTER THE FACT. It’s like LITERALLY channeling someone else’s being and bringing ALL OF THEIR REALITY into my actual experience when it is in fact NOT MINE. I don’t want to do this work forever. Which brings me to the title of this article…
We can change at any time. While not everyone has the same degree or duration of trauma, we each have to deep dive into what is NOT US. We can do this while we are in a relationship, or not — it just depends. It’s ok to “become” our trauma for a while to process it, but when we reach the “end” of it or certain aspects of it, we are free to be who we were at our conception — a free soul with free and unique aspects.
Throughout my Healing Elaine® work, I’ve put much of my SELF to the side. There was no other way to do this. I never could have gotten married and had children during this work. It just would have been impossible and if you don’t understand this then you have NO CLUE how my work works. And that is fine. I’m just telling you! It’s been a soul’s choice and sacrifice to make, and a sacrifice more than anything. I am not complaining, for I have lived my dream. I am not completely done either. I am, however, understanding that at certain times I can reclaim who I have been all along, because so much trauma has been processed — mine, and those I have worked with who mirrored much of what I have gone through. In this context, and in the previous contexts I have explained, change is a choice.
When I say that “You can change at any time”, what I mean is that you can reach a moment in which you either re-incorporate or fully reclaim who you started out as. Perhaps for some people, they don’t need to abandon who they started out as in order to process things, and I don’t think that I did that either — but doing the amount of healing and psych work that I have done with others definitely put a lot of my other aspects of self on the back burner. And with that said, I still have never forgotten who I am.
I met someone recently who remarked about how vibrant and funny I am in person (they had only seen my online profiles/presence and yeah, there is so much more to me). I get that a LOT outside of my HE® work. This is who I am. It’s who I’ve always been. My work with others, which always involves their trauma, however, takes me into a different space of self and requires a different energy from me. It’s hard to not get caught there, when it resonates so strongly with my past. However that is also a key word: PAST. As I let go of things that were never me in the first place and I understand energy better and better, I recognize more than ever how much of a choice it is at a certain point to change at any time. Except, we really aren’t changing…we are just becoming who we have always been.
God gives each of us a certain point in time when he says “ok, you’ve had/done enough here…let’s reconnect you to who YOU really are now”. And this is where I would like to point out that it’s easy to fall into a trap of over-processing difficulty and never climb out of it. The trick also, however, is, that you can’t reclaim yourself and “You can change at any time” until you have processed or been processing certain things. It’s sort of a catch-22.
Everyone is “carefree” in their early 20s. Until they aren’t because they have a big world purpose and God requests that they transcend things. Also, everyone has a big world purpose and that is to be fully who they are — no matter their practicals. The question is, are you willing to process things that will otherwise prevent you from being who you are, and do you know when to reclaim WHAT you are BECAUSE you have processed those things?
You can change at any time. We just have to know when. As I reconnect to what I AM: kooky, eccentric, happy, carefree, unique and light-hearted, it is because I have reached the ends of certain ropes of karmic processing of what was never mine in the first place. This can happen for different people at different times, at different speeds, and in different ways. I find myself, nonetheless still FASCINATED by traumatic evil and so forth, but my relationship to it is changing. It had to, as everything has its time.
Certain traumas and energies run on timelines that others don’t; some take a week, some a year, some decades…energies are all running on different speeds alongside one another. When one has been processed or transmuted, this is why I say “You can change at any time”. And in this way, it IS a choice…and we may not realize it.
Sometimes when I reflect upon how I have spent the last 15 years of my life, I really miss my “original” self; even though it is always there. However it’s not what I’ve completely lead with, because of my chosen path and purpose. This doesn’t mean that I need to continue this way. I can “change” at any time, back into the intrinsic self that existed before external energies came in to play with it. So, we have this choice of changing while at the same time we do NOT have this choice of changing…
When I look at the fact that “I can change at any time”, it is along the lines of altering some of the many tools that have kept me successful at what I do — and changing the nature or delivery of what I do into new form. I notice aspects of “me” that were never me, but which I UTILIZED to help others. This is both a burden and a fascinating phenomenon to me. It’s like borrowing the burden of someone’s deepest trauma in order to help them. It’s a hard thing to explain.
When we change, we become the best parts of ourselves that we always remember, EXCEPT that they are now unshackled and unburdened by the trauma that hid within their basements. No one is exempt from this either, and it is part of the reason that we are able to appear so carefree as young people — we literally don’t know about the basement of our souls yet. Until we do.
As we change at any time, we literally observe our reactions and feelings that were just temporary…temporary arms and legs to manage difficult aspects or other people’s aspects of our lives, and we truly don’t need them anymore. I’ve grown so many limbs at this point, that I lost count. What I do remember though, is my original limbs. The ones that were unbothered, unburdened, unconcerned, and simply joyful. Sure, they were naive before and now they are not, but it’s important to cut the limbs that don’t and never belonged to me. In this way, I have made a choice to “change” — in effect becoming what I’ve always been, just in a better and even truer way.
If you find yourself missing yourself, wondering where “you” went, consider this article. Depending upon your journey and where you are at and why, it may be the appropriate time to recall the transcended parts of self. And in this way, it is super true: You can change at any time. And the choice, which will be deliberate, will come in tandem with realization as well as God’s timing. While it’s still a “risk” of sorts because is does indicate a change, it is never the same risk as taking the deep dive into the uncouth (which will spit you out on the side of the change that you want).
A time comes for each of us when we can let go. But only at the right time. And with that said, you can change at any time.
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