How to age in reverse, “nice” narcissists, and jealousy as the true #1 killer in America

There are a number of things that I wanted to touch on today, and I didn’t feel like writing three separate articles (particularly since I touch on these subjects in other blog posts).

The first point I’d like to hit is how to age in reverse. I’ve gone over this in different ways in other posts, and dedicated full articles to beauty and wellness. These days, EVERYONE thinks they are a wellness expert. It’s pretty comical. They get into wellness school or whatever, and suddenly they know EVERYTHING. Usually they are 20 something and this is the time in someone’s life when they’ve probably not been destroyed yet and so they are over-confident and walk around screaming THE WAY IT IS! They don’t realize that many people, much older than them, have tried and true methods that work for them as well and there is no ONE WAY to do wellness. The other part of this is, that wellness has something to do with what we put into our bodies but CERTAINLY NOT EVERYTHING

You can’t kale-shot your way into beauty or timelessness. Rather, this (timelessness) always comes from within. You can’t quote the bible and “knowledge” and think your way into beauty or timelessness or wellness. You can’t mistake online attention (which is fake) for wellness. Yet people (usually young ones) do it all day. It’s always a train waiting to crash, at some point. The reason is that everything outside of us, while of value, is fleeting. People neglect their core like nothing else and it’s AMAZING to see. Priding themselves on an imaginary online world, fake attention, “knowledge”, and self-importance. This…is never sustainable. And usually around mid-30s, people start to figure this out — the easy way OR the hard way.

Getting older is a treasure and it’s also scary if we have taken the easy way out in life. Some of us wake up and hate our spouse and realize we have children with them and now we are trapped. Others of us wake up and feel like we are running out of time and maybe we should have “just settled”. In any case, we live in a 3D linear time reality (for the most part! – I’ll get to the other stuff in a bit) and we can visually see time escaping us. However, I’d like to present the notion of escaping time…

This weekend I was talking with a guy who approached me for conversation and he asked me age. I always think it’s funny when people ask this, but maybe it’s just because I’m getting older. I told him to guess. He guessed 15 years my junior. I said no, you’re way off…guess higher. He guessed 10 years my junior. This happens all of the time. I have several theories as to why, and I’d like to share them.

Before I present my theories, it’s important to note that I have not had a facelift or any body treatments and zero botox. You can believe me or not, I don’t care. I support cosmetic procedures and I’ve experimented with filler and I wrote about all of that in separate blog posts. So I say this to set the tone.

My first theory is that in my early 20s I made a decision about how my life would go. I promised myself that I would not have any regrets. Back then, I felt like I was on my “last life”. I didn’t even know about the fads like “how many lives had you had” and that stuff which I pay very little attention to anyhow — for, we are in the here and now (sorta!). I recall being in a committed relationship as well, and feeling like it wasn’t “it” or “enough” and daydreaming about all of the other lives I could live if I wasn’t trapped with someone who wasn’t capable of changing and expanding as rapidly as I was. That’s all I ever wanted — someone who could change and expand as rapidly as me. Someone with big big dreams. Maybe that’s a tall order but I don’t care. Anyhow, this agreement that I made within myself was of personal honor and integrity. And when I made it, repeatedly depending upon the job / relationship / situation at hand that did not suit what I SAW for myself, I looked like a completely different person.

One time, in my late 20s, I was with a guy who wanted to get married and settle down like a normal person. To be honest, it’s what I wanted too — just not with him. Life would have been too limiting. I felt SO conflicted. I literally could not expand with him, I felt, and I needed to exit. If I showed you the “before” and “after” photos of this scenario you would LOL. In the before photos, I look like a mother who drove her kids into a lake and drowned them. The tension in my face was unmistakeable, despite me being “young”. I looked uptight. Trapped. And, I was. I was on the verge of making a decision that would support what society said to do in terms of timing. Being fairly conventional, actually, I was hard on myself about this. It also didn’t help that my grandmother at the time told me nastily over lunch that I was going to “miss the boat” if I didn’t get on it. I recall crying that day as I waited at the bus stop in NYC. Her words and tone were mean and they probably did something to me subconsciously. I mean, I’m writing about it aren’t I! Well, I jumped ship. And thank God. My entire face actually changed….and more….

Upon exiting that relationship in which I literally looked like a different being, I discovered things that also worked for my body to align my soul and mind. I began hot yoga (Bikram style) and it changed my life. I have never stopped this practice, though I don’t go 5-6 times per week like I did back then. Within two weeks of the yoga practice my body changed. My feet were cramping UNCONTROLLABLY in class, and it was the incredible amount of energy and trauma that just didn’t belong to me leaving my body. Within a couple of months I had a full-time TV job and I was supporting myself with my dream career — something that everyone around me (except for the boyfriend I left) said was impossible. I made my dreams come true and this is the first part of my point here — I chose what my soul wanted. It was HARD to leave a corporate job. It was actually NOT as hard to pursue my dreams, other than the fact that waking up at 430 am to catch a van to the TV studio sucked. Somehow, this didn’t age me — it did the opposite. Because I was happy. I began learning about juicing (they had ALL the fixings on that TV set!) instead of coffee. When I was dead tired (which was common since we worked many 16 hour days in a week), I juiced raw beets and celery — sometimes 6 in a row. They woke me up. I looked alert. In this way, sure, pairing the external to match the internal is really something important. It’s just not everything. AND, it happened because I was in purpose and on purpose. Without following my core, maybe I never would have found that hot yoga and raw food glory. Perhaps I would have found solace in a bottle, fake church appearances (versus the Alanon meetings I began attending), and self-hatred.

I would go on to choose my CORE aka my soul’s dreams over and over again, and on my path to this I seemed to shed time from my face and body — as well as meet new men who were prospective dates or partners. As I “aged”, I realized that the happier I was inside the younger I would look. Literally. For it wasn’t just showing on the outside — rather it was an ENERGY. The man I met this weekend, who is in his 20s, noted that it’s also my ENERGY that is young — and not in an immature way, just in a full-of-life way. I know this. It’s my secret elixir. It comes from doing the internal work that most people do not want to do, too…which leads me to my next point and slight digression about “nice” narcissists.

We have a narcissistic epidemic now due mainly to social media. I believe that God put this in place to test us. Each of us. To know the difference between people and their images. With that aside, I’ve met my share of “nice” narcissists. These people can be summed up quite easily, and I dated one of them for a long time when I was very young. There is not malice with these folks, but rather a complete inability to accept or commit to anyone who raises ANY belief that is different from theirs. It’s tragic, actually. My former therapist told me a story along these lines. He shared that his patient of many years, a wonderful woman with many life gifts, had finally met “the one”. They were planning the wedding, doing the whole thing, and he disagreed with ONE THING (he was also making her pay for everything)…that ONE THING just disconnected him like a live wire. No matter their history, no matter their connection, no matter their “love”…he just checked out. In an INSTANT. This is what narcissists do. There is also likely some co-morbid aspect like a bipolar or BPD happening, but when a “nice” narcissist flips a switch it can be particularly curious and disturbing. Depending upon your life’s path (everything we encounter, we do so for a reason), you can either grow from this (aka age in reverse!) or take it with you (age). I met a few of these types over the years, and I must say that social media has REALLY exacerbated the issue. Some people (men in this example) can NOT handle a difference of opinion, or someone else’s emotion…it just breaks them. And they spend their entire life either alone, or picking out “reasons” why xyz person isn’t good enough. The OTHER phenomenon with this type of person who I met repeatedly is that they ALWAYS COME BACK. But only once you are “gone” / aka not available. These people like unavailable people or situations because — you guessed it — there is no threat! To actually pursue something real would break their mind because they would have to have empathy. Understanding. Bend the will of their rigid heart. So it doesn’t happen. I was set up by the Universe to encounter these folks (and many others) simply to understand my craft better and make the associations between the seen and unseen worlds which standard psych has never done. Each time I “figured out” one of these puzzling creatures, I expanded — it was like a gift from God. So my overall point is, each time we expand past a situation and understand it, we drop weight / baggage in the form of gravity that pulls on us — physically. Each time you get thrown a difficult person or situation and you move THROUGH it instead of avoiding it or dwelling on it, you get light — and it shows physically. The last thing I’ll say about “nice” narcissists is that they are everywhere now and I do believe that it’s because the internet doesn’t teach people how to handle human emotion. Folks are in relationships with computers disguised as online profiles. It’s truly tragic. And they get out into the world and can’t handle conflict with other people. ANY conflict. And they don’t know why they don’t have friends, close relationships, career success, etc. I’ve observed these types over the last 20 years and while they have always existed, there are just more of them now since our technological reality has reinforced the climate for such. SAD!

Besides making core choices, learning out of complicated or difficult situations and transmuting them, and understanding how general external wellness (again I have a lot of MY natural methods, which are in other blog posts) compliments your internal experience, the last point I will make is about jealousy. OOF. This one is a KILLER. It’s a cancer. And it can stay hidden when people are young because the exterior doesn’t fully show it…yet. Being young and perhaps even aesthetically beautiful is the craziest mask for jealousy. Jealousy, I believe, is an INHERENT defect. I don’t think people can learn out of it, if it is intrinsic to them. If it is NOT intrinsic to them, then I believe that they can.

Jealousy is a very hard concept for me to get my head around. I just don’t feel it. I feel admiration…but not jealousy. I feel “something is off” when I’ve dated men (who were lying or poor communicators or defensive) and maybe to THEM it has seemed like “jealousy”, but I genuinely do not feel it. I’ve always felt it is me with myself. Me against myself, only. Why on earth would I want what someone else has, even if it is “easier” or “better”? I really battle understanding this and I’ll just say that it boils down to being spiritually evolved. I also had a REALLY hard life. So I know what actual problems are. Yet my core would be my core NO MATTER MY EXPERIENCES so I’ll reinforce: nature versus nurture. I don’t covet anything or anyone. But I know that others do. And jealousy in the way that I am describing it is sadistic, it is evil, and it is the #1 killer (and ager) in America. I say America, because honestly I have NEVER seen it in other countries the way that I have here…

There are reasons for as to why jealousy is such an epidemic in this country but I’ll reserve the full explanation right now because you can probably piece it together through my other writing. In short though, we are a privileged as all heck country and jealousy often surfaces when someone has NO REAL PROBLEMS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

We all have trauma and difficult things that have happened to us. Each of us has this. But some people just haven’t had it bad enough — or perhaps they wouldn’t be jealous. I guarantee you this with my life. They may play the violin, sing the sad songs, talk about how much they know, but they haven’t been through the ringer. I’m not saying that someone HAS to go through the ringer, either, to not suffer from the genuine cancer that is jealousy. Note that two things can be true at the same time, and how certain things tie together. A jealous person simply wants what you have — on the INSIDE. They may THINK it’s the outside, but they can’t see past the illusion of ego. It’s pure evil. And this evil cancer will age them like a MOTHER

This #1 killer in America affects both men and women (obviously). Each gender expresses it differently. These are the hands-down WORST PEOPLE to ask for advice in life — on anything. They will steer you EXACTLY in the opposite direction of your path. For they want you to go down WITH THEM. If you offer them light, they will gladly breathe it and shroud themselves in it by you sticking around, staying exactly where you are and not “leaving” their field. They don’t want to be alone in their misery. And their external fronts are something that dreams are made of…

When they are younger, it is hard to see beyond the veil of their cancer because they “look” young and fresh. But this cancer eats at the core…and over time, it eats them. They may get sick, they may finally crash and have a bad moment that they can not recover from, and this jealousy does not discriminate when it comes to a person who holds it within their own core of lack. Basic people who want to be important are the worst worst worst of this variety. Since they “need” praise and accolade from the fake outside world, they will get off on this all day. If they don’t have that supply, they simply aren’t happy. The problem with this is, it’s totally unsustainable. They are great fakers, too — just like the old Hollywood celebs who have outed themselves over the last while. The appearance of a full life, a grand life, but as a basic person YEARNING for online attention is an easy way to spot them. They aren’t content on their own. They can’t be. And they will covet you when you are solid within yourself

When I say basic people, I am talking about regular people who just wish they weren’t regular. It’s sad. I had a friend like this. I really liked her — the problem was, she didn’t like herself. She was a great basic girl. What’s wrong with being basic? Well, nothing — unless you don’t want to be what you are. Everything that we are should be celebrated to the maximum — it is in this acceptance and celebration that we become GREAT…even if we are a 3 foot purple troll. I know some 3 foot purple trolls who are MONEY! They aren’t jealous, and they don’t covet. Therefore they are eternal. But a basic person who can’t sustain on their own breath and who seeks to be otherwise is a danger to themselves and to society…

I know some of this might sound mean and I don’t care. I say the quiet part out loud. I’ve had conversations about this with close friends who know what I’m speaking about. So, why not do it here? It cultivates who is a match for me work-wise anyhow. A jealous basic person will obsess over you (online – ew) but never follow you. They will yearn for what you have (inside, but they think it’s something “outside”) and try to mimic that to their “followers”. Their talents are…basic. Usually regurgitated stuff that’s already been said and done, but they want prizes for it. One day after they get all of that and it’s STILL not enough (because it never will be), they age. Jealousy ages.

The best way to anti-age is to accept yourself. This sounds so trite and basic, but it is true. You can often tell just by looking at someone if they like themself or not. And the problem again with knowing / communicating with basic jealous people aka someone who does NOT like themself is that they will give you the WORST ADVICE. For example. If you are a young man interested in a woman and you ask your JEALOUS woman friend what to do, she will steer you AWAY. Even if she has no intention of being with you or vice versa, the pain of knowing that someone else exists on another level is just too much to bear. She will over-compensate with her fake persona, feigning confidence, and letting you know that she saved you with her advice. There are certain astrology signs worse than others, in this regard I might add, when it comes to jealousy – take heed. Conversely let’s say you are a young man or woman and you ask your basic jealous man friend for advice — they will steer you away. Exactly in the direction away from anything or anyone that is a threat to their CORE. Jealousy corrupts, in this way, like WITCHCRAFT. I’ve had it done to me. I can see it happening to others. Basic men and women who are jealous are literal witches. Again, I can’t help but note that if you know WHAT to look for this is easy to spot. They aren’t exceptional people, they WANT to be, and they will cast away anyone who is – from your life. Do not ask basic people who need attention for advice — ever. If you don’t know the difference between basic and exceptional, then maybe you deserve the advice and it won’t matter. Who knows!

When we feel a lack within our core it is different from feeling sad or depressed. Sometimes I feel sad and depressed. But during those times, I DON’T THINK ABOUT WHAT OTHERS HAVE AND WHAT I DO NOT HAVE…if you are doing this, sorry but get extensive therapy or just accept that maybe you are made this way. Then go to a 12 step program. Or, ask God to give you a REAL problem so that you can transmute this cancer. For it will truly kill you.

Lack on a logistical level is normal. I’ve felt this many times over the last 4 years, but never once has it caused me to care more or less about what anyone else has or is doing. Basic people who wish they were not such DO CARE. I have a former friend who never wanted to get married. She did it just for show. I can see in her face she is MISERABLE and putting on a front. Having two kids for show is true evil. And I know she didn’t want them. She is doing what it takes for the external world, and she is VERY competitive. It’s sad, it’s transparent, and she is aging TERRIBLY.

If you are a generally happy person, and you do NOT suffer from the cancer that so many suffer from (the online clout chasers, the corporate climbers, the out-sourcers of attention that one should give one’s self), you have the ability to age in reverse…

The first thing you’re going to do is check in on all of the above points. Have you chosen your core? If not, then make a map of things to do so. I don’t care how hard they are. You will thank me later. Next, have you transmuted your life lessons like those of “nice” narcissists I spoke of? A HUGE part of my path is learning discernment (it’s all over my astrology chart too, UNFORTUNATELY!)…and each time I blew through a life lesson / hurdle I dropped dead weight in the form of gravity and age. The next thing you need to do is make sure you don’t suffer from the #1 killer. If you do, sorry… Also, it’s important to note that maybe you don’t suffer from it — learn the difference!!!

When we fundamentally choose our soul over our ego (all that is real, versus all that is fake), and we are WILLING to go through really difficult emotional and psychological experiences without bailing on and deflecting them, and we are not intrinsically broken aka jealous, we can work with the labyrinths associated on each key point and literally move backwards in time

“Baggage” aka psychological baggage is DEAD WEIGHT. It might as well be a heavy suitcase that you travel with everywhere. When we drop these, gravity is simply not as heavy on our physical field — even if the “thing” we dropped is non-physical. This SHOWS in our physical field. It shows in mine. When I am weighted, dragged down by something, I look like holy hell to be quite honest. I work HARD to live in my truth though, so that I do not have to feel / look this way. I’ve worked so hard at it, that I believe it’s lifted gravity from my actual being. It’s more than just fleeting physical appearance, it is a true energy...

Aging in reverse requires courage, and it is certainly more of an energy than a physical; do you know that we see energy before we see the physical, anyhow? Most of us just don’t know how to recognize and tap into this, and so we confuse the external with the internal of a person. This is dangerous territory, especially considering how easy it is for empty people to masquerade with others’ energy (via the online world or other things like it).

Step into a path of pure core, of perhaps new wellness information that COMPLIMENTS that core (because, nothing can replace the health of TRUTH — I don’t care how GREEN the wheatgrass is!), and do the emotional and psychological work without shortcuts. Get really honest and be really bold about what you are willing to do in order to own your OWN energy and need nothing from outside of yourself to do this. Not a “boyfriend”, not online clout, not a new face or surgery, not “knowledge”. If you are whole to begin with, you won’t be replacing your core with those things anyhow; and if you are looking to expand, stay away from the pending raisins who are.