How to overcome heartbreak
The heart chakra is activated when we are at our most open and vulnerable. It is only in being open that we are able to receive anything. The gamble is not knowing what will come of our beautiful gain — ultimate gain, or ultimate “loss”.
I put loss in parentheses because it is my belief that we can’t ever “lose” love — rather what we already hold within us is either reflected back, or not. In the context of not reflected back, we experience the feeling of “loss”. A more nuanced interpretation or perhaps question around this though, is, what if we lose the conduit (the other person) involved in reflecting back to us our self-love (or lack thereof, depending upon the situation)?
I’ve loved bad people, and I’ve loved good people. Some of those people by choice, and some of those people not by choice (as my life depended upon loving them — just as each of us is programmed to “survive” early years no matter what, and this means loving whatever gives us food/water/shelter or even the most basic means of survival).
I’ve been fortunate to experience a mixed bag in this life, and to know what it is to be treated both well and not well. In this way, I’ve been provided contrast which is the ultimate gift giver of perspective. The good people I’ve loved were as vulnerable with me as I was with them. They held nothing back. In this way, we were able to grow, expand, and learn together…until there was nothing left to learn. Typically when there is nothing left to learn in a dynamic, it ends. If the partnership is balanced, there is less heartbreak; if the partnership is unbalanced, one person will experience more heartbreak — typically the person who was not as intrinsically expansive as the other. As physics states, all energies must match in order to share space. When we drag people along with us, it can be fine for a time — until they either stop doing the work or can’t do the work required to match where we are going (to our greatest intrinsic potential). The entire point of a romantic partnership is to reach intrinsic potential. In this way, each person is a CO-CREATOR in that partnership. When it becomes unbalanced AFTER RUNNING ITS COURSE because the intrinsic potentials are unmatched, it is the person with less potential who will be left most heartbroken because they are less evolved. This is natural and it happens all of the time. Perhaps it is a broad stroke intrinsic potential that is uneven, and perhaps it is many nuanced intrinsic potentials that are uneven. In any event, I’ve experienced being the person who outgrew the dynamic because the intrinsic drive/potentials were unmatched. Despite the outcome, I am beyond grateful to know true love — to know what it is to give my all, while someone else also gives their all. The outcome in this case is irrelevant because each party devoted their entire being to expansiveness and it was seen through to the very end.
“The very end” in the above example is hard for the person who is not headed as deeply into expansiveness as the other. What this means is, they have to learn their own strength. When we are in a partnership that ends because it has been exhausted (in a good way), we learn either 1) we have more strength to develop 2) we have more strength to tap into. In the latter, our former partnership has ended so that we may take our intrinsic potentials to the next level. In the former, our former partnership has ended so that we may understand what our intrinsic potentials even are. In either case, there is heartbreak. What to do?
Psychologically, the breakup / heartbreak will be easier for the person who has more strength to tap into. It will be harder for the person who has yet to understand their strength, and likely needs courage to tap into their own power versus someone else’s. Nonetheless there are gifts for each individual. The “what to do?” part is: find out what your gifts are.
When I ended my first long-term relationship of nearly four years, I had reached a point in which I had SO much unmet potential and strength to tap into. I was actually there for some time, but was too afraid to leave — because it was love that I came to know. It was in the contrast though, in the feeling that I was being held back, that I realized my gifts. This was my focus as I experienced heartbreak over ending/leaving a long-term relationship. For the other person, their focus should have been upon expanding and improving themself — finding their strengths and gifts within their core. When the focus is there, the heartbreak is soothed since we only fall in love with another person to the degree that we love our SELF. In this way, it is impossible to “miss” another person and their being…for we only see / love to the degree that WE ARE…
In short regarding the above, I had MORE to love about myself and I couldn’t do that with a person who had yet to tap into their expansiveness or who did not have expansiveness in the way that I did; the person I broke up with simply had to find another person who matched their intrinsic expansive ability. Neither case is easy or fundamentally easier than the other, they are simply relative. Who was in more pain, then? Well, that depends upon how you look at it; technically I should have been in more pain, as I was experiencing incredible dissonance between my potential and where I was at…however one could argue that losing the reflection of THEIR ultimate potential (in a partner) is more painful. Note that “painful” is DIFFERENT from “easier” in the context of processing heartbreak. One person (me) had to find what belonged to them (aka intrinsic expansive ability), and one person (my ex) had to find another reflection of what belonged to them — in a nutshell.
A romantic partnership that simply runs its course is historically less painful than one that doesn’t even get to run its course in the first place.
The most painful experiences that I have had to date, were those of wasted incredible potential. However, in each of those cases, I learned that just like a romantic partnership which had the grace of running its course, wasted romantic potential has the grace of understanding “why not” hence healing from some applicable logic.
Lots of people have come to me over the years with heartbreak as their main injury. I’ve gotten to deal with thousands of people on this matter. This has allowed me to extract and understand hallmarks of imbalance which serves to mend heartbreak. I’ve also had my share of imbalanced romantic dynamics which add to this understanding. It is in understanding that we begin to heal…
In the midst of a heartbreaking situation, the mind flails and spins on its quest to understand “why”. In the middle of the eye of the storm, we can see nothing. It is in stepping away from the storm that we can see “what is”. If we are dealing with personal issues of co-dependence or addiction then it’s much harder to see the logic in heartbreak — that is a whole other issue. If that is your issue, then the first gift of your heartbreak will be to heal from your codependency and addiction — get yourself into therapy. If you are not codependent or addicted, then you can move onto understanding the situation from a more logic-based perspective…
In zooming out of my own personal experiences and hearing those of others, I’ve been able to better understand the heartbreak of what I call “wasted potential” romantic debacles. As a truly expansive person, there is nothing more damning to me than a person who wastes their potential or bypasses the work it takes to tap into their potential. And unfortunately, this happens all the time in what I would refer to as “missed connections” or “wasted potential” heartbreak. The thing is, however, THERE ARE REASONS…if we can remove ourselves from the emotion of the situation to look.
I wrote about the theme of past life love with regard to the unconscious / subconscious minds in 2015. This is the eBooklet for it. No, it’s not a woo-woo interpretation of “past lives” so I am sorry to disappoint you if you are looking for untethered dreamy past life analysis. Rather, I dove into the themes of timelessness and personal subconscious emotional injury and how those two notions may or may not connect. In a similar context, there are reasons that “wasted potential” heartbreak is the most painful of all, and why it happens. Hence what I am writing about right now…
Unlike heartbreak which is able to run its course of possibility, wasted potential heartbreak stops short of ever knowing itself. This causes great pain and injury to a person who is strong, vulnerable, and ready for a journey of expansion. It also causes great pain and injury to a person who is NOT strong, vulnerable and ready for a journey of expansion (hence the person/reason for the wasted potential in the first place). For a person who faces the world head-on without fear of being slaughtered, the pain is actually shorter-term than is the pain for a person who faces the world with fear around control, abandonment and loss; you just wouldn’t know it at first, when you are in the middle of a wasted potential heartbreak situation.
A wasted potential heartbreak situation is only possible when two parties match intrinsically with their potential, but one party doesn’t step into their potential/destiny. I wrote about soul contracts here, for reference, which may add additional insight to this article. There are many excuses given for why one person would step into their potential and another person wouldn’t, but they are actually just distractions from a really simple truth: one person has abandoned their mission and the other hasn’t. The pain of knowing and feeling this is incredible. Now, the mission at hand may have only been scheduled for a month, a year, a decade, or several decades; that part is not up to us humans. And, it doesn’t matter either. What IS up to us, however, is stepping into our mission and not leading with fear or control. Let me go over some “reasons” that people who refuse their soul contracts give for not stepping into romantic potential with someone who is willing to go the distance:
“I’m not ready to commit” – “I’m not ready to be exclusive” – “I don’t know what I want” – “It’s the wrong time” – “You rejected me first” – “It’s too good to be true” – “I’m damaged”. I’m sure you’ve heard it all. And in each and every case, none of the above is remotely true. What is true, however, is that the person has simply side-stepped their soul’s mission and now both parties will pay for it emotionally and spiritually. Keep in mind that in this example I am talking about an EQUAL INTRINSIC POTENTIAL MATCH — NOT a situation that has simply run its course. Which is the whole point here. I am also NOT talking about “wasted potential” with someone who does NOT match you intrinsically (again if you don’t understand the difference, read through my blog for examples). Note the differences hence the description and reasoning of said pain involved in a particular dynamic.
Side-stepping a romantic partnership mission (which, again, could be in place for a reason a season or a lifetime, who knows!?) is perhaps the most painful romantic heartbreak we can experience for it “wasn’t supposed to happen”. And really, it was designed TO/have the potential happen — it’s just that free will messed it up. In this way, we suffer not only the missed potential of true love, but also the injury of betrayal on a core soul level. I have experienced this more than once, and the same outcome has resulted in each case. An incredible shorter term mourning on my part, and an incredible longer term and delayed suffering on the part of the other person. I’ve also seen the exact same phenomena in my HE® work with others and their dynamics.
When one person gets pulled into the matrix, they side-step their potential with another person whom they otherwise love or could love. This creates a tear in the heart chakra for both individuals, and it can take years to overcome. Through understanding, though, which is only possible for the person who has not side-stepped their potential, this heartbreak can be healed.
The good part and the bad part is that an aborted mission will cause the soul of the unwilling party to fragment and re-enter the dynamic with the willing party through another human vehicle (body!). If this sounds trippy, it’s because it is. The material/physical world is real, but it is also…not. The only thing that is real is truth/love (which is why heartbreak is so painful in the first place). Since we experience this phenomena as physical beings, the only place to go is into processing it via the mind and body with the spiritual plane directing us. The spiritual plane is our consciousness and inner knowing, and it can only be observed through complete surrender. The willing party is always connected to this plane and can hence process their heartbreak as well as call in the departed energy through a willing vehicle (person).
Lack issues arise when we believe that there is only “one person” who can provide to us a certain energy. In a sense, this is true if someone embodies their FULL potential via vulnerability (only via vulnerability by the way). However is it NOT TRUE when a person who matches you consciously is not willing…the not willing part is simply sabotage via ego, and it lacks vulnerability. Since vulnerability is the fundamental key to any success, romantic or otherwise, the unwilling automatically side-steps their gifts and hence the energy that would match yours. When we avoid our gifts via arrogance or the inability to be vulnerable, God takes them from us. I’ve seen this in many cases.
The potential for true co-creator power is a lot to handle. Some people are granted the potential for this power, but hand it over to God again (hence another human being – a willing party) when they mistakenly believe that THEY ALONE are the power. This belief disgusts me, and I’ve experienced it with men who side-stepped their mission. As soon as they did, all that they had and were building fell flat. They were warned. They didn’t take heed. They dropped into their lower states of consciousness and control/ego. Life was simply never the same for them. This is how it works. I’ve seen the same with my clients’ dynamics as well. And again, the decision to bypass always comes down to one word: vulnerability.
In vulnerability there is courage, strength and power. All of the excuses that I have heard and that my clients have heard over the years from heartbreaking situations with wasted potential would-be romantic partners boil down to the word vulnerability. If you zoom out and look at the situation, it’s the only thing that even makes sense. Trying to “figure it out” from any other lens is a waste of time.
The truth is, that when you are a person of vulnerability (power), it is your job to learn that there is no lack. All that you hold within you will be reflected back, but you can’t get caught on those who abort their missions. When you realize that power does not remain in/with those who abort their missions, and that God strips them of the resonance that you loved in the first place, you can redirect that energy through a willing human vehicle that is more brave. There are a number of things that need to be done, in order for this to happen: 1) Surrender to the notion that there is no lack. 2) Stop trying to “figure out” why person X doesn’t like/love you. 3) Remain completely willing to be vulnerable again, no matter what. 4) Cut the cord with the unwilling party so that you are not looping YOUR vulnerability/power aka willing energy through them, giving both them and you the illusion that they might “one day” be willing. 5) Do not ever hold out hope for the unwilling party to “come back”. The only way that anyone ever makes a genuine decision is on their own, with their own vulnerability, and that MUST MATCH YOURS.
God is in control of all things, and all people. When we sacrifice ourselves because we are desperate or lonely for love, we lose because we are violating cardinal rules with the divine. Likewise when we side-step a soul contract, we are violating the divine. In this way, if both parties in a “wasted potential” romantic partnership violate cardinal divine rules, then they will both suffer and wait until they are no longer doing so.
Overcoming heartbreak in a romantic relationship that has had the divine glory to run its course is possible when we recognize what side of it we are on per my earlier paragraphs. Overcoming heartbreak as a WILLING PARTY in a romantic relationship that “never was” is possible when we abort the idea that there is lack, for the soul is eternal and it will always find another human vehicle through which to express itself when you learn this fundamental lesson of abundance in love and romance.
I said earlier that in a “wasted potential” romantic partnership — which is only defined as two truly equally matched persons of the same consciousness and in which one person bypasses the mission with ego/fear — that the willing party will process/heal from the experience quickly, and the unwilling party will process/heal from the experience slowly…this is true because the willing party has not abandoned itself hence the reward is manifest quickly; the unwilling party has abandoned itself and the reward is through processing ACTUAL loss and absence — absence of the SELF, and absence of the co-creator potential…this takes time to move through when a core soul gift was scoffed at by the party gifted that grace by God. It is then less about the other person that they abandoned, and more about the mission and the SELF that they abandoned. This lesson takes a long time to learn and heal from, if it is ever even learned or healed from at all.
In very rare cases, such as a true twin flame (I really dislike this term because of all of the FAKE “information” floating around about it online) scenario, truly external and unforeseen circumstances can rip two people apart and free will is not so much involved. I’m not going to write about that here since it’s not the point of this article. I do want to point out, however, that there are indeed cases of missed potential in terms of romantic partnerships that have much less to do with human free will and ego. You will only recognize them because the willingness on behalf of both parties NEVER wanes.
The irony about using logic to understand how to overcome heartbreak is the fact that you first must visit and explore the intangible realms to do so. The intangible realms also encompass your own psychological, emotional and spiritual journey — without access to those spaces, it is impossible to apply logic to heartbreak and thus heal from it.
The soul is eternal, and it needs a willing body participant to line up with its core power. The human body is not core power, and the human brain (tied to ego) is not power. If you are a willing body participant and someone else is not, you must understand that attachment is a sin and surrender is a virtue; when we release attachment and embody surrender, God sends us the same potential that was bypassed by an unwilling romantic co-creator — into the body of a willing participant. First, though, we have to heal through understanding different planes of energy.
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