Personal updates, the closest I’ve come to understanding suicide (I am not suicidal), and more
The first noteworthy update that I will share is the fact that — as I wrote in this eBooklet about the butterfly effect of a particular pattern cycling out — an important cycle completely ended in my life a few months ago. To fully understand what I am talking about, and since I treat my blog here as more of a diary and stream of consciousness than anything else, you will probably have had to be reading me for like 2 years at this point OR have been a client. What I introduce isn’t mainstream — particularly the nuances of what I introduce — and even if I were less wordy (I’m working on that part – it’s why I’m experimenting with Twitter to become a better writer) it would STILL take substantial time and *experience* to understand/process.
The cycle that is ending is one of evil, and all evil is rooted in string theory. Everything that “happens to us” has already happened very early on — remembering or not remembering it doesn’t change it being there. It is then our JOB and duty to 1) acknowledge and admit it 2) face it 3) work diligently to eradicate it. The problem is that most people are weak, and they lie to themselves. They often get what they ask for (by looking away from truth in this way) because weakness is a sin.
When I first moved away from NYC to Texas last year, I found myself in a building I could only describe as demonic. It was an experience that I HAD to live through (I am not interested in advice or judgements about “how I attracted it” — and if that is your thinking then you understand very little to nothing about my work or how energy and psychology work). Just when we think we have passed all of the tests in our life to finally “break that pattern”, we are thrown more. It is not the intellectual who get to move on to the next level, it is the tolerant and strong; tolerance is not strength if we play martyr…but tolerance is necessary to stay in the game until it is finished. Tolerance is the ability to see that said opponent in our world has knocked us out AGAIN just when we got back up, and STILL not give up. For we only have two choices in this life:
Live, or die. It’s very simple. Those are our two choices. If you’re going to make one choice, make it all the way. Don’t sit in a grey area. Some of us end up choosing life. If you’re choosing life, then you have to REALLY CHOOSE LIFE.
Four years ago, my entire life changed. Those of you who know me or have been reading me know what happened. Many of you sat with me, day after day, and SAW what was happening when it was hard to believe. It was hard for ME to believe. I had some of the smartest people around me at the time, from therapists to lawyers to tech experts and more…they saw how my life changed. I don’t have the patience to go into the details here and one day I will (again) with further clarity. The point is, that I went through something NO ONE around me could relate to, and I STILL have no one who can relate to it – not on the level that I experienced it. I’ve been fortunate to know and get to know people who KNOW how this world works, though, as they have held positions high enough in the tangible world. When we go through something NO ONE NEAR US can relate to, it is the most isolating experience on the planet. It is during this time, when seemingly ALL DOORS are closed, and we are effectively abandoned because the people who can’t relate “don’t believe it” (how convenient), that we are close to death. We don’t even have to be depressed. I recall a plethora of moments in such an isolated state and with no way out (despite doing BACKFLIPS creating new doors to open) that I finally connected to what it would take for someone to physically kill themselves. We all know of someone who has done this, and perhaps our minds raced around “why” with regard to it. Well, it’s usually not “mental illness”; it is a NO WAY OUT situation and with no one to relate to. The worst kind of person to deal with if you are ever in a space of no way out (logistically or otherwise) is someone who gaslights you or gets you to question your reality. Why do those who have been of service to their country do it? Hint: THEY KNOW THINGS THAT YOU DON’T, AND THAT YOU WOULD PROBABLY NEVER BELIEVE. Because you can’t. You don’t know, what you don’t know. Any other thinking is pure arrogance.
With regard to the above, I had to be sure to surround myself with people who were capable of operating at a certain level. For example folks with direct CIA experience (for better or for worse), global puppet string pullers, etc…people who were not common. Not having common experiences. Like me. Anyone else was a liability and they still are. When you are moving through a labyrinth, it is crucial to find and connect to those open to your experience even if they don’t fully understand it. Since I am firmly rooted in reality (in seeming contrast to my work — which is actually more rooted in reality than one could ever believe), I worked extremely hard to be CERTAIN that I was as tethered as possible. Zero alcohol, daily workouts, lots of sleep, a seasoned therapist, and those people I speak of above. Though there were few of those people, they were crucial to my passing through the eye of the storm.
Just because the logistics don’t change, doesn’t mean that we can’t heal and come out through the other side. This is the true test of the soul because we have two choices; gaslight ourselves, or move through the eye of the needle. The former is easier and the latter is harder. It’s no different, on a much different scale of course, than people who believe what the media tells them. They don’t do it because they *actually* believe it; the core ALWAYS KNOWS TRUTH. They do it because it’s convenient to lie to themselves. They have failed life. And it’s a decision. Those people will always get sick and “depressed” because this is how they live in their minds. We always have a choice.
One of the final pieces of my particular string theory strand with evil ended right here in Texas. A pattern that was there since BIRTH cycled out, and I had to move across the country to let it die. As I spoke about in the butterfly effect eBooklet, a pattern will cycle out only after MANY TIMES of thinking we nailed that energy. My final test was to be drawn into “looks one way but is actually another way” energy. Much of the world, of course, operates this way; but my intrinsic tolerance for it is and always has been ZERO. So instead of burying my head in the sand, gaslighting myself about the truth and allowing others to do it to me, I poke my head out and plowed through. This was very much part of my early beginning on this planet and it was time to face that energy head on. In doing so, I found myself in a ridiculous situation (truly ordained by God) that I had to LOOK AT (literally it was so obnoxious that there was no way I couldn’t), acknowledge how evil it was, and take action instead of sitting by as a willful victim of that evil.
If you follow my instagram, you’ll see pieces of the situation I describe, only it was bigger than the OBVIOUS tangible nightmare; and, the intangible nightmare matched the tangible. The only way to describe this situation was again: pure evil.
Moving on and away from this evil — and from what I will call The Demon Building — was the last string of evil to cut from the ball of yarn that seeks ALL things and people of light. My personal always reflects the collective. I got out from under a LIE, but more importantly the evil that feeds off of the high it gets from the lie.
My life has changed immeasurably this last fiscal year, starting with leaving my home of 7 years in NYC and the city I lived in and adored for 15 years. Landing in Texas was a brand new chapter, perhaps the last chapter in the old book of my life.
Getting out of The Demon Building that my old life energy still matched was the last string to cut from that pattern. Life is incomparable now.
When we face the demons around us (and no, I’m not talking about IN us, I am talking about AROUND US), we win. It’s just that the fight isn’t easy, and most people don’t even bother. They are botted, they watch the mainstream news, idiot Governors, idiot botted “news” pundits, brainwashed MK Ultraed “Hollywood” bought and paid for pundits, and they nod their heads while taking their meds. That life has never been for me and I’m sure it’s not for you if you’re reading this. The tradeoff, though, is that you have to actually do WORK to not be part of that energy. You don’t get to just “not agree”; you have to make hard decisions … OR, YOU END UP IN THE SPACE BETWEEN LIVING AND DYING.
Are you currently in the space between living and dying? Most are and they don’t even know it. They are comfortable and set in their ways, looking at those around them who are LIVING, and pretending that they are doing the same. The Demon Building I was in was a lot like this. It was also a superlib building. Do you know what a superlib building is? It’s a sad place. People are sad all day. They glorify the usual dogmatic bullshit like wearing double-masks, spending too much time and “intellect” online, and they drink too much. They are like the walking dead. Now, I am using the term superlib like a slang term — I don’t actually mean that a “liberal” person is only like this. Heck, I wrote a whole article about my experience and view here (note that the title of this article won’t even show up in any internet search — gee I wonder why). Anyhow, I got the hell away from the superlib building and thankfully it was for other reasons that completely overwhelmed how generally miserable many of the people in the building were/are. God wanted me OUT! And grace entered when I got out…
I had been looking for a “normal” building since I was in a full-time construction zone as of last August, but I didn’t realize just how strong the correlation between happiness (normal) and an ACTUALLY DIVERSE building of people was. I ended up in the happiest building I’ve been to in this city…and wouldn’t you guess, it is POLITICALLY DIVERSE. It’s NOT a superlib trap. People are just…NORMAL here. No dogma. No mask RELIGION. There are red hats and blue hats sitting across the table from one another. LIKE A NORMAL PLACE. I feel like I got out of fresh hell, between nutso NYC and The Demon Building. I’m no longer in fresh hell. And it’s not just about the simple logistics that seemed to be part of the extraction — rather it’s about the decisions I made to SEE TRUTH and face it.
If you were to actually see truth all day, you would never leave your house. It’s a LOT, right? Well, you only know this if you do the actual work. Most of us are just walking bots, totally dead, our soul nowhere near our body. I wrote about this here.
I am infinitely happier than I have ever been, clearer, and I feel like a nascent version of myself — without baggage. I left it at The Demon Building, for that was the last stop on the train within the context of that old energy. It’s gone.
Curses are nothing more than a reality that is too terrifying for us to confront within the confines of our past and unconscious mind; this is why so many of us just hand ourselves over to fake “authority” all day. It’s easier to live the curse, complain about it, go to the “doctor”, watch the “news”, and listen to the idiots around us who make lies their religion. If you want to know the simple difference, though, between those who lie and those who are honest, simply judge how happy someone is (IN PERSON — you can’t tell over the internet lol, and if you think you can, you’re…WRONG).
The happiest people I meet live in pure truth. No matter how difficult. Despite my lifelong challenges and in particular the last four years of my life, I’ve never been a Debbie Downer. It’s not in my spirit, because truth is in my spirit. If you want to know who lies (you have to spend time with them in person — for the online world is an illusion), you’ll find that they have all kinds of problems and can’t talk about anything else. They love to hate public figures, “have a cause”, they virtue signal to high hell, have chronic “conditions” they love to hate, and resent anyone happy or successful. All you need is a few minutes with these folks. They drink too much at night, have reasons as to why they “can’t” do xyz, and there is a bitterness you can’t put your finger on. Their lives are stagnant, they invent themselves based off of other people (no personal identity) and there is a deadness behind their eyes. If they are sober, they don’t go to AA meetings and have replaced all positive behaviors with “anti” this or that…disguised as virtue, of course.
The best thing we can do for ourselves is get the hell away from negative people, places and things. Whether you are moving through an experience few or none can relate to, disconnecting from an old negative energy, or just living your life, there is nothing more important than knowing who and what you are dealing with at all times — and taking the steps to make your desired reality present tense.
I hope you enjoyed my updates! The right people always relate and the wrong ones don’t even make it past my landing page.
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