I tried the basic (less spiritual) world for a few minutes, didn’t like it
Since I was born, I always felt a connection to God. This is separate from religion. I knew what was important, and what was not important. I just knew. From such a young age. I recall understanding the evil that I observed around me as — evil, and I recall knowing that one day I would get to choose my own reality.
As I got older, I stuck to my morals no matter what in terms of my own body, mind and spirit. There were a few tests, twists and turns that teenagers have, but I never felt like I “let myself down” — I still don’t. It’s a great feeling. Again, this is regarding body, mind and spirit. I have let myself down with being impatient, losing my cool, etc – things like that…but those are temporary flaws to recover from. The big ones — the soul ones — are the ones I have yet to compromise. And with that said, life can be hard when you are always honoring yourself…because in a sense, you’re rejecting the HUMAN and carnal part of you.
Most of my years were spent in long-term romantic relationships, or else I was celibate. I went through YEARS of celibacy that some thought strange. I was, of course, lonely at times, but my own way of doing things (which didn’t even make sense to one therapist I had who was part of woke culture, of course) always felt RIGHT…for me. When I was working about 80 hours a week upon launching Healing Elaine® into public view, I was in full monk mode. I was like living as an old man up on some mountain top where no one could get to. I talked about this with some clients of mine who just didn’t understand why I did not 1) drink 2) socialize 3) date/have sex. I would go on like this for months and years at a clip, but not out of OVERT conscious refrain; but rather, IT JUST FELT RIGHT. It felt like, THIS IS HOW IT IS.
In moments, I would get extremely lonely, such as when I left my working environment and noticed the world around me evolving and spinning. It was as if I was frozen in time…alone, undersexed, doing everything — BY MYSELF. There were a couple of occasions during which I thought, “let me see what it’s like to be a normal person again…let me go back, just for a few minutes and live like “them”…”…and so I did. And it was always everything that I knew it shouldn’t be. Even in my late teens and early 20s, at the peak of my “party days” (no drugs, but just too much alcohol quite often), I still never lived like “them”. I didn’t take to party drugs, casual sex, or the seemingly meaningless socialization…and yet, I felt lonely for not having it within me to do so. So, every now and then after years of being focused like that meditative man on the mountain top (literally I could meditate for hours, do my yoga, eat great food, sleep, and I was PERFECTLY CONTENT whether you believe this or not) I would poke my head out. To see if there was something wrong with the way I was living…since every “normal” aka basic person around me was telling me “you’re running out of time…you won’t have time to make memories one day…stop being so picky…you should expand your life in xyz way….”. I always knew they were wrong, but sometimes push would come to shove in life — like would break me down and I would think, hmmm, LET ME SEE…
Fleeting, sometimes fruitful, but always just what I thought it would NOT be, I would feel all of the knowing I had before wasting my time beyond what I knew was right for me and important for me. I worked hard in therapy to make sure I wasn’t avoiding anything — intimacy, the “normal” thrills of life, etc…but I always knew best; and, it frustrated me that I would occasionally let down my guard and allow someone else’s opinion to infect my deep knowing that so few I have ever met actually have. It’s not that I didn’t want the basic life, IT IS THAT IT WAS NEVER FOR ME. Even when I wanted it.
This past weekend I went, as usual and with contentment, alone somewhere to relax and enjoy a manhattan (I love manhattans). During my busiest HE® days, I never drank. Not to abstain for the sake of abstaining, just that it didn’t fit into my life. I didn’t like how I felt when I did. My body felt allergic. I was in a constant state of high with my work and a drink would bring me down. It wasn’t the right time and I couldn’t think of a benefit from it. I digress. As things changed due to censorship and other factors, I began to “get out more”…in fact, my last therapist would APPLAUD me when I said I had a scotch that week. LOL. He wanted to see me have more fun, be less serious, date, fraternize…all of the things that I just did not feel that I NEEDED. I felt like, I DID ALL OF THIS BEFORE I WAS 22. Anyhow, I was enjoying my manhattan solo this weekend when a group of young men (35) invited me to join their table and talk. Since the world is really small, we found common acquaintances we share in different cities and some relatable life experiences in terms of living in the same cities at the same times. I run in MANY different social circles (even without socializing, lol) since forever, so I always end up knowing folks that strangers know. As I sat with them, they could not figure out my algorithm. Perhaps why I wasn’t into “partying” or why I would decide to go to bed early on a Saturday night versus go on a date with my significant other. They found this “curious” and even “suspicious” lol. This is the feedback I’ve gotten for many years, and when it’s negative the people are HORRIBLE themselves…when it’s curious, the people have never met anyone like me who lives by their own moral code…and when it is positive, I have found another OTHER — someone who abandoned the basic world at birth. Just like me.
I left that encounter with some emotions…feeling partly grateful for just being who I am, but also feeling sad for being so different since it is a constant reminder that sometimes people don’t like what they don’t understand. As it turned out though, and as it usually does, what people don’t understand they are just INTIMIDATED by. My phone blew up all night while I slept. Sometimes the only way a person can “reach” you is when they have no fear left because they have blown it into a glass or a powder. I realize that no matter how hard I try, I will never be like “them”. I am grateful for the friends (many) I have like “them” who are also just VERY NICE and live normal lives and don’t judge mine but are certainly curious about it. I was also left with the feeling that maybe I need to KEEP TRYING to be “normal” at times to find out if I left any pieces of myself in that dimension, long ago…and retrieve them.
So, what did I do with these feelings and wonderment? I resolved to bridge both worlds with conscious curiosity about what I could be missing in the basic dimension. I started to feel into the “unmet needs” that I may have left behind in the other world, the one that I never really dabbled in in the first place other than from a distance while holding my moral code. I thought, well, let me revisit this moral code. Is there anything about this moral code that I honored, IN ORDER TO AVOID VULNERABILITY when in fact violating this moral code I set for myself would actually meet some basic human needs? I had to look this in the eye and make sure that being a very old man on a mountaintop from age 2 all throughout the “best years of my life” was really ALL ME…for, I did “violate” that code at certain times, and in certain circumstances — such as when I would travel and meet a hot fling. I wanted to be sure that I wasn’t acting out of fear of vulnerability, while holding steadfast my moral code. So I tested it.
I tested it just by tuning into what I really wanted within me as a basic need. This can be emotional, physical, or otherwise. I certainly have the spiritual part covered, lol. I found that I have been shining the more that I am spending time with intense masculine energy, and that while this is something I wasn’t around much at ALL during the busiest years of my life (2010-2020) that there was an interesting bridge happening between the basic world and my world; a merging of sorts, on the plane of conscious need and desire. Since I have NEVER deliberately withheld anything from myself, it has been interesting to tap into something that feels so “basic” in the sense that that world may have overlapped with mine. It’s like being in a Samādhi for most or all of your life, and then finally allowing in that human experience that comes with all of the needs and feels we don’t yearn for in the other world.
I dove into the basic world, the carnal world, and I stated a need loud and clear. I thought about my hesitation to do this in the past, and I was and always have been acutely aware of what is avoidant and what is not. It was the first time that I felt connected to the basic realm in a way that I could incorporate it into MY world and not get lost. I also saw the terrain on each side of that bridge, that bridges those two worlds, and I didn’t miss living on the other side at all. Rather, I realized that God has been preparing me — for a long time — to live in both in a new, integrated fashion.
Regardless of outcome, tapping into a world in which you do not live and inviting it in, is the bravest thing a person can do when you will never endeavor to live in that other world. Effectively bridging the two, however, because you have become SO WHOLE in one realm, is a gift. It was also a test of my own ego in the most basic sense.
Many of us who live the moral code I reference here, live biblically. The problem arises though, when natural needs are not part of that code — NOT because we are consciously bypassing them with fear, but just because…THAT IS OUR PATH at that time. Learning when we are “complete” in that other realm and when it is possible to bridge the other realm into our reality without losing energy is money. I used to get SO TIRED spending time in that other realm, with those people, and with any of those choices that come with it. It feels like I have been waiting a lifetime to dabble in both realms, whilst only living in the one that has ever been FOR ME.
I know I write cryptically, and I do not care. In fact, I care about writing this way because it’s a (yes, peculiar to some) language that some of the most magnificent and DIFFERENT people on this planet relate to hence reach out to me. I’m not unbasic for the sole purpose of being so; rather, I am JUST ME. This comes with all kinds of joy, sadness, loneliness, wonderment, and fulfillment….the journey is long and arduous and understanding ourselves in contrast to such different yet TANGIBLE dimensions can be hard when we live by a certain code. It’s just that it takes time to become SO STRONG in one realm, that you can not only DABBLE in the other but INTEGRATE the parts of yourself that exist there, or have been left behind there, that you need access to. Once the structure is complete, the add-ons can be incorporated.
Sometimes a great compliment to the world I reference living in, are people who live in the basic world but who have ALSO INCORPORATED the world I speak of — our world, if you relate to this fully. This has been the most interesting revelation for me to date; the fact that I don’t ever have to live in that world, but I can welcome in pieces of it…even people who are very different from me but who have enough access to it. In this way, we can access our basic carnal needs while not handing over our spiritual compass (this has always been most important to me).
I see the way people look at me, and the feedback they give to me (the basic people, of course — the ones who will never know the world I speak of), and it’s astounding always how others see people first and energy second. This is the BIGGEST fundamental difference between myself and others, and you and others if you relate. I have always seen energy first — ALWAYS. When people don’t have access to that clarity, they assume you are “hiding something”….or that there is something “off” about you that needs to be fixed. In “reality”, they are just triggered by something they can not and will never understand. What they do with that, is their karma. The way that they react to their own unconscious fear of loss of control over “what is” in the black and white world that they know it to be, is their karma. Not mine, and not yours. And if you are able to integrate pieces of “their” world into your experience, you can stand in it for a time not only without losing yourself, but by RECLAIMING some of the pieces that got left behind in it while you were there dabbling at some point before you became the man on the mountain top (the latter of which is NOT and NEVER a conscious desire — because who the heck would choose that, ever).
Always listen to yourself. I don’t miss the basic world, I just miss some of the pieces of me that were left behind (even from lifetimes ago) or that I still need to access from it, since I am stuck in this human body. But don’t let anyone tell you who you are, how weird you are, or that there is something wrong with living like a monk sometimes just because you are a hot af woman or man. Let the world collapse in their judgement about who and what they “think you are” and state your basic needs aloud while dying whatever human emotional or psychological death you need to die while maintaining your compass. As you do this, you hold the entire world in your palm, no matter how much further you have to go to actually REALIZE this or how much pain you are in due to the contrast of these two realms and your difficulty in integrating one to maximize the other.
As a side note, you would be surprised how many “normal” (on the outside) and brilliant “every day” people contact me – based solely on my writing here – and say things like “YOU ARE READING MY MIND, WHEN CAN I MEET YOU, I WILL GET ON A FLIGHT TOMORROW” (just like they have always done, since my public launch)…they wear suits, they look simple, they appear conventional etc…but as we all SHOULD KNOW, appearances mean nothing; you never know what someone’s soul experience actually is, beneath that human costume. In this way, you should feel less alone as you are walking amongst other others, who either may not have the language for the basic world I describe or the one that we live in (a basic person would describe this entire article as schizophrenic, lol), or who don’t know they are not alone.
The basic world is not to be judged, but you don’t have to worry about not living there. You’ve already done that – long ago.
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