It is highly dangerous and impossible to help someone who insists on maintaining contact with / dependence on their abuser
It is highly dangerous and impossible to help someone who insists on maintaining contact with / dependence on their abuser. What will end up happening is they will project all of the abuser’s qualities and actions onto you, and make you that person. This goes beyond simple transference.
It doesn’t matter how smart they seem. It doesn’t matter how “spiritual” (lol) they are. What matters is that they are making a weak, selfish and destructive choice — because they are GAINING something evil by maintaining contact with their abuser — that you will undoubtedly pay for.
Some people don’t want to be different. They don’t want to change. They don’t want to improve. Why? Because those things are hard work. So, they rather make a deal with the devil and pass the ramifications of that decision off onto someone else. I’ve seen it infinite numbers of times. It’s not sad, it’s evil. Don’t be fooled into thinking the person who “can’t” stay away from their abuser/s is a victim – as once they have become conscious of the dynamic (often by your good grace and heart) and they turn back ANYHOW, they are making a deliberate and informed decision. No matter how much you try to tell yourself that “it’s not their fault”. Of course it is.
The main reasons of selfish benefit that people stay in contact with their abusers are 1) financial gain 2) convenience 3) it’s “easier”. I’ve counseled people who were raped and molested BY THEIR OWN PARENT who, despite making the WORLD pay for that “parent”‘s actions, would not cease contact with that person — because they were too lazy to hustle in life and were being financially supported by this person. The average Joe might be tempted to feel bad for such a person, even to make excuses for them…no. It’s a trap. And if you are there to “counsel” them and “talk some sense into them”, then I can guarantee you…it is YOU who will end up being blamed (eventually) for their abuser’s bad behavior. Why?
The mind is designed to do SOMETHING with the abuse we suffer. It has to go somewhere. So when a person is unwilling to properly dispose of it, they will find a scapegoat (usually a healer / helper / pure of heart individual). The great evil of saying “I’m too lazy to work hard and therefore I make an agreement with Satan to continue this abusive relationship because I’m greedy / lazy and want the financial resources this demonic person is giving to me” is incredible. You’re done at this point. I have had countless cases in which, this is the case. Class is irrelevant, too…I’ve seen this with heir/esses, paupers, etc – it doesn’t matter. When a lazy victim is also evil, the sin is double. The sin that was committed against them, PLUS the sin they are committing against the world because they refuse to properly dispose of it. Watch out!
Folks continue these relationships not only due to financial gain, but due to convenience. They are too lazy to make new friends, or learn how. They want familiarity. This isn’t a victim, this is a victim-perpetrator you’re dealing with. And if you get close to them, they will eventually project all of their past abuse and trauma onto you as if you’re doing it present-tense…while running back to their real abuser and telling them how awful you are. This happens ALL THE TIME. And the sin of it is, this person stands to gain something (evil) by continuing the dynamic with the person who ruined the early and present part of their life. They have merged with the evil. And you will become their victim. Other examples of convenience evil include child-care (they don’t have money or extra help, so they will implore the “helpful nature” of their abuser), connections i.e. social status, etc.
Finally, victims who refuse to break free do so because it’s just easier. They see the VERY LONG ROAD of healing that is the path of true healing and they simply don’t want to be bothered. This is also incredibly demonic. And as long as you are in front of them, helping them forget the pain of the past, you will eventually be conflated with their past to the point in which you are blamed for it. Folks who insist upon continuing contact and dependence with their abusers do so because they are lazy in life in general. They want the outcomes without the hard work. There are many such cases. Just look at the internet / social media craze and the disease of it that tells people you can click a button and “become someone”. LOL. The ultimate ploy of the devil.
You will understand these people by the many excuses they have for not doing things, and you may initially make excuses for them as well until you understand how evil truly works. I’ve met countless fake victims who were, at one time, victims, but who since re-committed to the act imposed upon them in a sick way…they will feign forgiveness, quote the Bible, whatever it takes…so that they don’t have to break free. As time progresses, you will notice off-hand comments that they make or strange ways of behaving around you — as if they were responding to their abuser. What has happened, in this instance, is they have swapped you with their abuser. Your essence has been painted over their abuser, and their abuser’s essence has been painted over YOU. This does not happen right away, however, just to be clear. It takes about 6 months or so. What happens initially is they behave as though you are their SAVIOR………that is, UNTIL, they realize — you can’t do the work that God requires of them to do. This is when things…switch.
You may be initially confused by them as they tell you all about their abuser, and the bad things that happened to them. They may cry about it. What they are doing is trying to pull you into their spiritual space to be their SHIELD. So that they do not get hit anymore. This is one thing if their intention is to change – it is another thing when their intention is NOT to change. This is where their evil comes in and makes you a target.
As you fail (rightfully so) to be all things to them, the veil between you and their abuser grows thin. Your energy of support wanes because it’s impossible to replace an actual individual and history with your ENERGY. They start to think, due to their SHEER LAZINESS, that YOU may be their problem! You are then 100% conveniently conflated with their real abuser. They begin to act crazy at this point – you aren’t bleeding out all of your life force for them any longer to use, abuse and hide behind. You are merged, by them, with the evils of their abuser. And their abuser is absolved of all wrongdoing. They run back.
People who are invested in change do not take 3 out of 10 of your suggestions when you are counseling them in the face of great evil, abuse and danger of their past. People who are invested in change take 10 out of 10 of your suggestions. You will know them by their excuses. You may even feel a quiet rage inside that you explain away. All the while, the person who refuses to change will find any way possible to use your energy so that they can avoid the pain of the truth of their entire life. The tactics for doing this are…endless.
A person willing to change will not wait days, weeks or months to be decisively different. Any therapist I ever saw who I thought had the slightest inclination toward my goodwill and healing who told me “do x”, I listened to. IMMEDIATELY. This is because I was willing to do the work, and I was not looking to blame anyone.
Just because someone has been abused or mistreated, DOES NOT make them a victim. I know people who were sadistically abused, with incredible Stockholm syndrome, who STILL chose correctly — because they were not victim-perpetrators. Victim-perpetrators are the people I speak of in this article, and you will know them simply by their actions, the speed of their actions, and the various hallmarks that I highlight above.
It is incredibly dangerous to “help” someone who will not disconnect (in all ways possible and healthy) from their abuser. I guarantee you that in trying, you will become their victim – and their projected abuser. Always remember that this is an act of willful evil on their part, no matter their presentation or disposition.
Be careful who you help, and how you help.
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