Trust, and do not verify your intuition

Last summer I wrote a blog post titled “I tried the basic (less spiritual) world for a few minutes, didn’t like it“. In it, I discussed my “open mind” after living a particular way my entire life. My open mind came after a series of dramatically changing life events (I think most of us can relate to this post January 2020) which had me re-thinking everything.

As my go-to is ALWAYS within (as in, I question myself first even when I shouldn’t – and I’ll say that my ability to be 100% open to being wrong has been a guiding light and marker of success for me in all ways…my ego is not very strong), I thought I’d give it a whirl in terms of socializing and dating (within reason, obviously).

Everything I already knew, my entire life, and the way that I’ve always lived, was simply verified. I never needed it verified before, but something inside of me during the dramatic changes I was experiencing – for the first time in my life, ever – had me question myself. Thankfully, when I question myself, I don’t lose the natural border I have (psychologically, spiritually and emotionally – this has been a blessing and gift from God my entire life as well and why I have never “split” as many do in times of trauma), so things never get too crazy. In the midst of chaos, my greatest gift is the ability to stay anchored and to think in slow motion. No matter what is happening.

But with that said, and as a brand new life presented while an old one absolutely destructed, I was left with some desire to verify. Let me point out that WITHOUT DESIRE YOU HAVE NO DECISION. My decisions do not come from intellect, thank God. When you move into your head, you lose. I digress…

Despite always knowing that my intuition is unshakeable in every way, the complete breakdown of self and life left me desiring confirmation. I’d temporarily moved out of that incredible solid infrastructure, at least in the physical world, and I wanted to verify what I knew. Internally, I remained the same; externally, I was but a reflection of my former self…and both parts of me needed to re-merge.

My entire life I’ve been conservative with my body and soul. No matter my deeply carnal self, which I truly appreciate, there is no decision I’ve ever made that I have come to regret with regard to my body or soul.

In college I was given all sorts of nicknames because I was known as the girl who would go on dates but never seal the deal. Young men slept outside of my door at night waiting for me to come home. Many of them ended up as good friends – some I have to this day. My interest in cheap or fast thrills was non-existent; I understood, always the eternal nature of the soul with regard to HOW WE TREAT THE BODY.

I had mostly long-term boyfriends my whole life and if I wasn’t in a relationship, then I was in years of celibacy. There were a couple “situationships” which I’d refer to as important lessons I couldn’t do without, and what preceded them were intense connections that I’d hoped I could make “the one”. Unconsciously, I had tremendous thought patterns to work through with regard to where I had come from, what I was here to experience, and how I related to “forever”.

During very long stretches of celibacy – we are talking several years and more – I focused all of my life force in a creative versus sexual fashion to accomplish my goals. None of this was intentional, because I wanted “the one”. I wasn’t reading some stupid online trends about it like exist today (don’t get me started – none of these people have the ability to think for themselves. Hop on over to twitter and it’s a bunch of lemmings all repeating whatever “big” accounts they think hold court – LOL). I seemed to disappear into a decade of unbelievable work that, requiring EVERY PIECE OF ME, I never could have achieved in a relationship or with a person I’d previously come across. Perhaps with the right person things would have been different for me, but I highly doubt it.

I have many clients who are absolutely exceptional – award winning incredibly famous people of our time, many of whom do not use social media. Legends. Artists. They lived similarly, and it was a bonding point for each of us. When you create things that HAVE NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE, your life is different. Believe me – I’d wish many, many times, and still do, that I was…just like the others. I learned I will never be, and that all I can do / still do is honor God. My will and God’s will must align. Time is elusive…and we do not know what lays ahead until we step on the next stone in front of us.

Knowing who and what I am since I was born has been my greatest blessing and resource, but few relate. Most or perhaps all of my clients do. That is why my work with others was absolute fire – when you know, you know, and you flock to someone on your same frequency. It destroys all other illusions, and few people can hook into your core in a way that awakens your actual soul.

18 years ago I met a man who awakened my soul. I’ve written about this here maybe never; I can’t remember. I was a young person exploring the world and when our eyes met time stood still for me. We set up a coffee date the next day and every part of my body, mind and spirit became electrified. My whole world changed that day. The next day, I called my mom and told her I had met my husband. It was a totally unexpected, and unprecedented event. We spent weeks alone in my apartment, talking and feeling deeply. Parts of me that I did not even know existed began to open up. Consciousness and awareness within me that was dormant exploded. I needed very little sleep, and my aura became a most incredible rainbow. Everywhere I went, people noticed. My life was never the same.

Being so young, things did not go where I had hoped they would. I was scary to this young man, too. He would stare at me and tell me “you are too good to be true”. The first week that I was about to be away from him, right as he was about to go to the airport, in the middle of a lunch spot, tears poured from my core but I wasn’t crying. I was surprised, and embarrassed. The level of soul connection was something I had no words or experience to manage, and I felt it would never happen again if I were to be without him. It sort of didn’t.

I met glimpses of this connection over the years – aspects of it – and he pursued me years later after realizing he’d made an incredible mistake. Unfortunately (or not), I’d taken that third energy we created together through intense, all-expansive intimate time together, and done something with it…my purpose. He, bypassing our potential together, did not. The moment he let our ship sail, I knew his life would stall. I can’t explain all of that here, but I was 100% right about it and I wrote about elements of that here re: soul contracts. As recent as last summer, this man was contacting me. I imagine that nothing could be more painful to someone who bypasses their destiny in the name of ego, to watch that destiny flourish without them.

The thing about the above, is that the person who honors their path wholly and without selling out, will win. The difficult part about it is the fact that TIME IS ELUSIVE. God will work hard to bring us another person who electrifies our soul and merges with our purpose, but it is ON GOD’S TIME NOT OUR TIME. Great disparities such as age differences can be present, in terms of who is put in place to co-create with us in the way that I described above, and other logistical challenges can present. The point is to listen deeply to our core, be brave and admit what is happening, and always risk rejection; if we do not risk rejection, how do we know whether we are right or wrong?

Last summer I nearly lost faith (but didn’t) in God’s divine plan for me. My life burned to the ground for two years, I lost the most important being in my entire life of 18 years DURING IT (side note – this being came into my life when I met that man 18 years ago; sleeping beside us, and guiding me all these years later with my work as well as protecting my soul), and I wondered if I’d missed anything by not adventuring into basic people land. Well, I didn’t. But, I had to try…and I wanted to share with you a few basic things I “re-learned” but which I already knew…

Nearly every single session I have, people remark to me about how they can NOT live like other people. Mostly in the ways that I describe above. They ask me if there is something wrong with them. Like me, they have spent many years either celibate or alone. They share stories about “trying” the basic and less spiritual world, which is the world the majority of people live in (disregard their fake spiritual flaunts – the most annoying internet trend in the world). And when they do try this world, I shake my head in automatic agreement. I briefly ALMOST visited this world last summer…

It was as if I’d entered a different dimension. I began using twitter (LOL) for really the first time ever. I set up an account over a decade ago, but despised social media and, until my censorship in 2017, never thought twice about needing it. After all, I lived a REAL LIFE – offline. Everything great I had ever done was offline. Then…some things happened. I began immersing myself in this weird (to me) online game. There are all sorts of characters out there, and I swear many of them would not know real life if it smacked them in the face. There are incels, lemmings, losers, cornering every aspect of the online social media world. And there are great people, too. In any event, tuning into this social media online world brought me further away from my spiritual self and had me considering (given my vulnerabilities I expressed here post January 2020) the basic world. IT’S VERY BASIC.

I went on dates with basic men. I moved “everything I knew” off of the table and gave it a try. It’s something I did not even do as a teenager. But like when I was a teenager, and any year post that, God kept these people at an incredible distance from me. No matter how hard they pursued, or how much my celibacy had me wondering if I was becoming an outcast. I tapped into the basic carnal nature of self and went so far as to consider a casual thing with someone. It just didn’t work. I would remain celibate and lead with that unless someone remotely close to the man I’d met 18 years ago entered my sphere.

Aspects of this man entered but nothing remotely close. So, celibate I would remain.

Impressions and judgments are a funny thing. I’d had lunch or dinner with many men throughout my life, and the last year or so was no different. Surely the women who couldn’t be me and the men who couldn’t have me would tell themselves or others different tales. Spin the truth. It would come back to me and I’d shake my head. And let me tell you something about that, as a woman: you will NEVER regret not having sexual intercourse with someone. Sure, you can have a good time and explore the possibility of that happening, but something will ALWAYS stop you with the wrong person. Even if it’s not YOU stopping you…something else will. This was and always has been the case for me.

As I tapped into basic humanland (which sucks just as much as you already know it does), I still enjoyed visiting another dimension. And while there, I was reminded that my intuition is always right. I didn’t need to verify it. I never will need to verify it.

While I’ve been glad to know that I’ve never missed what I do not miss, I am so glad to be able to jump right back into my most precious dimension. The one I’ve always lived in. The ability to do this brings better people my way, but in touching base with the basic world I also EXPANDED my reality, if that makes sense;

When I say EXPANDED my reality, I refer to the blend of these metaphoric “3d and 5d” realities. Basic and spiritual. In a sense, I integrated the lower self of me that I never used in the first place. I think this was needed, actually. I didn’t need to DISGRACE myself the way that people who live here do, yet I was still able to connect to it and to BRIDGE IT into my overall reality. And I think this was the missing key to my life, to be honest. Everything was by design. The last two years, the heartache and destruction that accompanied it, and my new path forward…

Through associating with this basic world, or rather I should say the BLENDED basic/spiritual dimension that I created/was now created for me, I was able to connect with a soul fabric who also represented the same bridge;

The man from 18 years ago would have bridged both realities if we had ended up together – there is no doubt. That union canvassed time and space in a way I still have no words for. But it expired when he abandoned his mission. But now, by virtue of our changing times and experiences, I could recognize a soul who came into this life representing both – who did not have to travel to either “the basic world” as I refer to it here, or “the spiritual world”…God is bringing forth people who live in both. There are many reasons why which I won’t digress into here, but the point is that I began to see possibility again which had once eluded me.

I recently met someone – and I’ve no idea the purpose of it beyond coming into contact with their soul – who opened doors within me like the man I met 18 years ago. Like the man from 18 years ago, it was a totally unexpected meeting for me. I’ve arrived at a place in my life in which I don’t need to know why, and I live in non-attachment as well – which is crucial because I believe that the possibility for more of these types of connections to exist is far stronger than it was 18 years ago. Whether I see this person again or not is on God’s watch and hand not mine, and I don’t care about the form or shape of the connection either. What I do know, is that a door has been opened for me to receive the connectivity and potential for creation with another human being that has eluded me for 18 years. And as my work had changed the way I lived – laser focused and mostly alone, absolutely immersed in my purpose – my work itself has also changed and evolved these past two years; leaving me open to the unknown and the abyss of all things different. I know I am not supposed to be alone anymore. This is God’s time – not mine.

The electricity of an authentic connection is something that nothing can touch, even if the human form of it destructs temporarily or permanently. The exchange of unique potential within a human container like I came into contact with recently and the one I met 18 years ago is uncharted. And I am here for it.

Trust, but do not verify your God-given intuition. Not unless you want to. All truths are discovered based on desire.