“it’s too good to be true – it must be a trick”

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

each of us has a particular area of our life in which we experience such consistent adversity (this could be health, work, romance, social or otherwise) that for us to imagine being on the “other side” of it almost feels too good to be true. and, when the possibility of a different reality than we are used to (a different reality would be a good reality) presents, we may run away from it initially. or, we may run away from it forever if we have not done the inner work to confront ourselves. we always run from that which resides super close to home — and all thought forms and patterns are extremely close to home. it’s why people can spend 40 years in therapy and get nowhere — the mind will hide from itself at all costs.

I’ve gone over and over and over — in my many other articles and books — how the mind and energetic body work in tandem to prevent a new thought form from forming. and while I will reiterate some of that in this post, some of what will be new is an anecdote or two which may be helpful or relatable.

in the early 00s, I met a young man who, archetypally, was my perfect match. I remember calling my closest people and telling them that I had met my husband. and I believe, to this day, that had certain shadows of self been confronted by him, that we would be a unit. but to quickly digress here, I understand and know that it was not fated/destined. fate and destiny are never, ever destroyed. on the way there though, lots of things get destroyed and for good reason — to teach us. at any rate, one might say that our initial encounter was seemingly fated. we actually met before we met in person (no, it wasn’t online dating) — as in I knew who he was and kept seeing his picture — and when we met in person by chance, we spoke for many hours nearly without breath. the romance was glorious, fast and furious. if there were ever to be a knowing within me, that was the knowing. I recall as we spent nearly a full week together without leaving the house, something he said to me that would stick with me forever though mostly in the back of my mind. as I was giggling away one afternoon he just stared at me. and then he said “I can see why someone would never let you go, and also why someone would be so afraid to be your boyfriend”. at the time, I really didn’t get it. as fate would have it, he broke my heart as I found out that we met while he was actually in another relationship in another city but for some crazy reason he thought he would get sucked into the vortex that was me. and I knew that my number one requirement in any relationship was trust so that no matter how intensely I felt for him, that “we” could never ever exist again on this human plane. but it was his words on that one afternoon that kept moving through me for years to come.

his father was a notorious womanizer and drug Lord. although the young man was and is, I believe, fundamentally different, the marks and patterning that were all around him and therefore WITHIN him during his most formative years and well, prevalent in his / perceived survival from his first breath, were no match for his intrinsic self. his intrinsic self took a backseat to his beliefs and, as I predicted exactly at the time of my heartbreak, HE NEVER CHANGED THEM. the difficulty for me, which is something that I cover in many sessions, was seeing his potential. and let me be real. I believe in reality not potential. but…I see potential. perhaps as strongly or more so than anyone who has ever walked this planet. it’s the bane of my work and how so many “overnight turnarounds” happen. they happen because I see potential. and they happen because I can discern potential from reality a mile away — and also teach it. so something really fortunate occurred for me at a young age. I knew what choices someone would make for the rest of their life. and I knew that no matter how perfect this young man could POTENTIALLY be, that he would never be it because of that one choice he made when fate decided to give us an experience. one of the ways that I realize now in retrospect that I was being communicated with resided within his comment that never left me and only got louder over time.

his comment was stacked with information about how he saw the world. in all of our mutual glory as we coexisted in our 3-4 month whirlwind out of this world romance and intellectual explosion, he was telling me that he could not take a risk to experience his potential. he was telling me that he was just like his father. he was telling me how scary it would have been to live another reality. and while I may not have deciphered that via “the comment”, I certainly deciphered it based on the simple truths and hard-to-digest actions on his part. but let me go to the in retrospect understanding of “the comment”.

after treating thousands of individuals at their deepest core resonances, one thing I know is that to change one’s reality is really one in a few million. as in, it’s so scary to the mind to accept new realities after it has been conditioned (for better or for worse — but inflexible conditioning is ALWAYS THE WORST and we see this all around us societally now) that almost no one is able to do it. there is a reason that, for example, extremely “intelligent” people return time and time and time again to abuse — in more ways than one. it’s not that they aren’t smart, and in many cases it’s because they are smart. so my experience, in aiding someone else to literally have a new experience that may seem “too good to be true” is the entire enchilada. and I know what makes people able and not able to do it. and so after all of these years of doing the work that I do, I think about comments like that of one of my loves of my life. comments that years later reveal so much more than what they revealed at the time they were said.

at the time of the end of this particular relationship — which ended because I was shocked to find an ugly truth and so I ended it — I grappled with “why”. that’s where heartbreak comes from, right? it’s the “why” that plagues us. this relationship certainly plagued me with wondering “why”, when everything aside from the ugly truth (which by the way also IS EVERYTHING) was so…perfect. what a waste, I thought. and what a disappointment, I felt, because no matter what this person said or did (and they said and did a lot — as of just a few years ago they were contacting me!), that ship had sailed. and when it sailed, I had some choice words for this person. I still have those words. they spelled out exactly what this person would do in the category of relationships for the rest of their life. and they did exactly that. prophetic? nah, I was just seeing truth. like I always do. for me, it was natural. I saw where things would go and how separate from my life this person’s issues were. I never questioned for a moment whether I was right or not, because it extended beyond believing. it’s why I didn’t try and get married in my 20s – the right person wasn’t there yet. I understood that listening to God’s (I’m not talking religion) plan is more important than my own plan, and that because I am in tune (aka honest) with myself, I will know when my ship comes in. I knew that this particular ship had sailed and for good reason. I just didn’t know why…

I hurt over that relationship for many years. it would be a decade before I would come close to that level of “match”. I tried so hard to reconcile the “why”, and I was grateful that I didn’t allow biology to drag me through a divorce in order to satisfy my need to know “why”. and in time, through the grace and experience with Healing Elaine® work, I began to hear his comment differently.

his comment, paired with his actions, were everything. as I revisited our time and place together, it was like watching an old movie again but for the first time. replaying that moment in my mind and heart, I “heard” him through that comment. he was saying so loudly to me, “I’m scared. I will always be scared. I talk more than I walk. I can’t be your partner I don’t know how. I am afraid of you because you represent goodness. I see our potential and I can’t change my unconscious patterning because it is so ingrained. my entire identity is wrapped up in that of my father, whom I admire. my mother will always take care of me. I can take care of women. but I can’t. I just don’t believe in my own intrinsic self. you are goodness. you are too good for me. I am not goodness, at least not in the way that I say I am. I am telling you who I am so that you don’t marry me and regret the next twenty years of your life. I’m telling you who I am right now. I don’t believe I can change. and I don’t believe this because you scare me. what is good for me scares me and it always will”. I began to hear the real dialogue, so many years later, after I had begun to understand my own self worth and value. when people say “it’s not you it’s me” in a sense or so, they are usually telling you the truth. my love interest didn’t say that exactly, but he did in more cryptic terms. as they say, people tell you who they are all of the time if you are really listening. part of me was listening that day, thankfully. and the rest of me that could hear my own value in new ways years later, listened and listens.

when a new reality that opposes the past but yet MATCHES us on an intrinsic level presents itself to us, we run. again — although we are supposedly all wired with the ability to change patterns, so few of us do. and yes there are reasons for that which are an entirely different blog post. and in this case, despite the incredible and actual potential of this person I was with, I saw the soul’s lazy choice not to level up and match their potential. and, to a degree, I understood this — because I suffered from that as well, just more so in other categories of my life. for some reason, and most peculiarly, I was always able to let go and fully experience all joy that there was to experience in a romantic partnership (assuming that, in that partnership, there was in fact joy! I chose more than one that was totally…joyless). this rendezvous was no different. I enjoyed experiencing every part of myself in it. it was in other or perhaps simply more nuanced areas of my life, that I struggled with embracing something “new”. something too good to be true.

for example when I left my childhood city and home I was terrified of good things and I was terrified of succeeding. like, AT ALL. that would have meant I was sovereign or entitled to myself on some level, which I had NEVER felt before and worked years to understand and achieve. so, I “got” where this young man who made the comment was coming from, to a degree. and now I understand more full-circle my ability to peg someone’s (usually anyone’s) free will decision to change or not versus live in “hope” or delusion. on a strictly energetic level back then, I knew and it’s why I wrote it down. I just finally came full circle with how I knew — as it was paired with experience via HE™ as well as my own fate and destiny. the “why” of that event was something I was able to heal, and also something that fascinated me in terms of karma and destiny since this young man was one of the most incredible people I had ever met — at least, the potential that he truly walked with was (do not confuse actual potential with psychic potential – big difference and you can reference my eBooklet 2 for more on that notion).

as the scope of limitless potentials and domains would have it, I came across another version of this young man exactly eleven years later (and within a week of meeting this young man, young man number one had reached out to reconnect — uncanny). he was the same age as myself and my prior love interest, in the early 00s. he had the same birthmark on his face as this man. he had the same haircut as this man. he was exactly the same height. their voices sounded the same. they started the same occupations/trades fresh out of college. and, young man number two had ALL of the same characteristics as the first man intellectually, spiritually, and otherwise. varying only slightly was his trauma and committed-to patterning that would hold him back (forever). and it was the same sort of meeting/coming together. I met this person in the light of day and he looked at me like he knew me forever. the first words out of his mouth in my direction were that he knew what I did for work. he could literally “see” me. we talked for like five or six straight hours following that very first encounter. and the next night we talked for about eight, again in person. I held back from diving into the dreamland that I dove into with Romeo from the early 00s, because something told me to. and by our third date, I knew why. as we sat in a historic bar and sipped on Manhattans, he got that look over his face that I had seen only once before. he looked…vulnerable. raw. open. and then he said it: “I’m afraid that this is a trick”. he was holding my hand like he was holding onto dear life. our conversation and connection not only mimicked that of my early 00s experience, but it actually went even deeper. after all, it was a different time. even if he was twelve years younger than me. I was back with that other experience, and this time I heard what he was saying loud and clear. he was saying “I have trauma that I am afraid of. you represent the opposite of that trauma. I am too scared, particularly due to our connection, to stay with you. I will hurt you. maybe not today, but soon. don’t get too close to me. I can’t be who I am supposed to be in this life. I want to be but I just won’t.” and while I didn’t run away at that moment, I proceeded super super slow and with caution. I didn’t want to give any of myself away because within me I just “knew” better. I HEARD him. I heard him in a way that my intellect was eclipsed a little over ten years prior. then I heard the first comment and the young man who made it, again. “thank you”, I thought. but, as I was the first time, I became incredibly confused. I was confused because I wasn’t certain of his trauma, and what refused his mind from changing to a new reality.

everything about embracing a new reality is life or death to the physical human system. it just is. and when we have been violated, it’s nearly impossible. BUT. it does happen. if we are honest, and if we are courageous. otherwise no way and we repeat the same patterns forever. the younger we are, the easier it is to change. many of us never do. like the young man from the early 00s, and like the one I met ten-plus years later. the second young man hurt as much, but differently, than the first young man. perhaps it was mixed up with the first hurt and that was why. or perhaps it was because there was much more depth to the trauma of the second young man, and something even my own mind didn’t want to consider or process — for him, or for myself and  my own life betrayals on the most foundational of levels. either way, I listened this time. I observed and I tried to be just friends with this young man. but I couldn’t do it, it was too painful. I told myself that I would do exposure therapy on myself with him because I needed to figure out what it was that was so triggering and difficult. I did my best. but all I saw was the unused potential. it burned like a stake in my heart. I didn’t want to keep doing the exposure therapy, and most of all I didn’t want to expose myself to wasted potential. and that is what he was. and I vowed to wait again, until my heart sang in that very way as it did with him and the young man from the early 00s before I pulled the romance trigger. I knew that testing fate was wrong, and I knew that I was being tested to develop faith. something we so so lack as individuals and as a collective.

developing faith has always been my best navigation tool and it has come with heaps of rewards. faith is perhaps the only cure for not allowing our reality to shift due to our algorithmic programming. but faith is not laying out in instruction manuals all over creation. faith is specific. both of the men I met lacked faith. and so they lacked a whole bunch else. faith is the first step to not being a controlling person, controlled by the unconscious. and I saw how faith presented me new realities that the people I had loved so, so much, missed out on.

my therapist recently referred to a cliff that one had no choice but to walk off of. and when they did, they found a walkway. that is what I feel faith is. I always took the leaps of faith, but it scared me to death. in my mind and heart, nothing could ever be as bad as it once was for me, when I literally did have no control over my life because my life was on the line if I were to consider being sovereign. perhaps that level of adversity is what was required to take a back seat to faith. when we walk off the cliff, we have not jumped — we have finally walked without expecting to jump/fall. this is where faith and a NEW REALITY intersect.

when faith and a new reality intersect, we do not talk about being afraid anymore. all of the fear has been pitted away in tragedy and disappointment. how lucky might we be, to experience such specific patterning to the degree that there is no fear left in that domain of our life? again — health, personal, and so on in terms of patterning. at the end of the day, our external and physical life is always an extension of our deepest core beliefs and patterning. and when a new reality presents, the notion of “this must be a trick” is a subtle feeling, but not an over thought or comment.

this is a step beyond “making it out of trauma”. or, it is a step beyond what is our current reality and then we process the trauma later because the profound paranoia or fear of it being a trick is not triggered. either way, the idea that it is too good to be true is there but it is subtle. quiet. like a one hit wonder song that plays quietly in the background. when it is subtle but it does not get in the way, it is no longer a fear. it is a new reality for us, waiting in the wings. I suppose that each of the young men that I talk about here were not close to their new realities and I don’t see either of them ever being so. it’s not much of an opinion of mine, but rather an intuition. I had so wished for them, to have their new realities: trust, love, and full experience of themselves on all levels.

recently I found myself on the other side of “this must be a trick” thinking, in one domain of my life. I realized how much this area of my life had in common with the young men as far as their romantic life was concerned. there was a period of time in which “this must be a trick” came up for me repeatedly, and held me back. and I vowed to never be held back in the way that I saw those young men reject their potential. because at the end of the day, it was all the same thing. we were each and all doing the same thing but just in different ways. and when I made it to the other side of “this must be a trick”, there was the subtle thought but zero fear. and I mean, zero. I spoke differently about what was once a fear, aka old reality. and that is how I knew it had changed, that my new reality was here, and that it was not a trick.

jumping realities aka profoundly healing the unconscious is so rare. it’s why we are so politically divided at the moment. we are addicted to “what we know to be true”. it’s so amusing and also exhausting for me to watch. but we are heading into a new territory via time and space which supports and also commands in a new reality, so it will be interesting to see who progresses and who regresses because the oil and water is for sure.

“it’s too good to be true – it must be a trick” feeling and speaking…pay attention to what people say. it has so much information. and if you can not understand it at the time, wait…the answers will surely come as you connect more to your own truth. and in doing so, you will know who is afraid — who is in another reality — and who is not. most importantly, you.

 

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what to expect from a “psychic” reading. what one is. what one is not. and things in between. ETC.

photo by Babita Patel for Forbes Magazine

my entire life I’ve been fascinated with psychic readings. when I was little there was a woman named Miss Cleo and she had a number and I would call it and get in trouble for racking up the phone bill. there were other numbers too, 1-900 numbers, and I enjoyed calling them. for example

my entire life I’ve also known things that I couldn’t possibly know, often being punished for knowing things that I didn’t even realize were true versus my “imagination”. once when I was 8, I got upset with my sister and I told her that if she wasn’t nice to me I would tell her friends she wet her pants that day. my mom got very upset and told me “how could you embarrass her like that after she had to leave school today for wetting her pants, no one needs to know why she left”. I had no idea she actually left school because she wet her pants, but I guess…I did? little seeming Freudian slips were and still are the norm for me in everyday life. I have to be especially careful when socializing. last year I went to hear a friend play music and while engaging with his friends in attendance whom I had just met, I casually mentioned to one of them that he might want to do xyz after the jaw surgery. he looked at me first with curiosity, and then with fear. I hate it when that happens.

I do not call myself psychic. recently a news outlet asked me if they could use that word and I said no. I don’t like the word. as it relates to MY work in particular, I feel it has a really negative connotation to it. and I don’t relate to it in the same way that others do, nor do I place it on some throne like many people do. “psychic” or “witch” does not mean one has special powers over ANYONE else. it also does not make someone better, or better-principled (in fact usually it does NOT) than anyone else. as we move into trend-ville of all things “psychic”, we completely lose meaning of the real meaning – as humans tend to do when they use ego to divide and conquer, or compare, by using certain words. and it annoys me, quite frankly.

when one is authentically and abnormally psychic, they generally do NOT want these qualities or “abilities”. I know of no true authentic overly psychic person who is jazzed about feeling and seeing so much. they prefer to hide. I don’t believe personally, for me, in training or “learning” psychic things; and yet, I DO support those who do. does that make sense? there have been plenty of people who have had a genuine interest in acquiring certifications for such and there are certainly respected individuals out there who offer such along with support. I’ve even sent folks, on recommendation, to certain individuals to get their psychic or xyz training certificates. so while I feel conflicted over the use of the word and, clearly the “art”, I do support anyone interested in pursuing something that assists them in assisting others – what I don’t support is the trendy ego that others use to promote something that so few of us actually understand from a core spore point of origin. and back to wanting these “abilities” — I would do anything to not have to feel so much, “know” so much, all of the time. I repressed tons of this natural state during my years of heavy socializing, and contrary to my peers, socializing would take me days to recover from. it still does. no matter who the people are. that’s another subject along the lines of empathy. but, “psychic” if you want to call it that, or knowing things and taking them in, is non-stop work. it’s not a totally normal life and it can feel very isolating.

although some people think this “ability” is something to be coveted or accoladed, I don’t. and the reason is that, like all things, I believe “psychic” is relative. “psychic” isn’t some rare gift from God, because that would have to depend upon how those gifts are used. and they are not to be flaunted or used as benchmarks for defining one’s “power” or influence. nope. the word “psychic”, for me, is two things; it is 1) a pre-disposition that someone was given at birth and 2) a byproduct of how much someone works their CORE, and their INTEGRITY. there is that word again: integrity. and by integrity I mean integrity to one’s self, first and foremost. for most of us, this is a huge challenge. so then if we combine 1) and 2), we have an equation. the first part of the equation is relativity — however sensitive aka psychic we are, is relative to the rest of our life. we will have trade-offs. it’s not simply some gift. for example. Beyoncé has trade-offs. influential, otherwise deemed beautiful, and “have-it-all” people deal with RELATIVITY. perhaps things you nor I would or could ever handle. and so we would not choose it. a highly sensitive person is given the same trade-offs per relativity. sometimes this is extreme abuse in childhood. sometimes it is something else that is unthinkable to us as to how we would ever navigate. the second part of this equation is free will — or integrity. relativity plus integrity equals the kind of “psychic” you would want to hear from in the first place. the main thing about 2), the free will aspect, is that however xyz “psychic” lives their personal lives is the very filter via which your reading will reflect back at you. if they are muddy, the reading will be muddy. if they lie to themselves, your “guides” or their “guides” will lie to you in the reading. these are things that a “psychic” will not have conscious control over because they can not spiritually bypass the work. and there are then psychics who give you a clean reading because they wish to steal your free will, or, they are not evolved enough to know how dangerous stealing someone’s free will actually is. yep, there are lots of conundrums in the world of the glorified “psychic” notion that we see splattered everywhere nowadays. and I can promise you, that no, thousands of people did not wake up as “psychic-healers” overnight in the past few years. this is simply called trend, and it’s overdone.

so now to the reading portion of “psychic” or being a so-called “psychic”: there are also TONS of (“psychics”) people with these experiences and abilities, and they do not identify themselves. they have worked 1) and 2) of the above equation, to the best of their ability. they would never think of coming out of the closet. for many reasons. some of them are C-Suites. some of them work in politics. lots of them look totally normal, like your everyday human. they don’t want to be obvious, as their cloak is their ordinary life. some are schoolteachers, some are authors, and some are folks who live the ultra simple life, totally beneath the radar, because they remember other “times” in which their public gifts came with a lot of flak, and they just don’t care to utilize them in the same way at this point in time. the point is, “they” are everywhere. and “they” exist, because the past-present-future exits. huh? what I mean is, if you look at the study of time and space, we are always on the continuum of past-present-future depending upon our DNA signature as well as personal healing work/therapy and our point of focus. we are constantly an array of potentials, like a weather pattern. IN ADDITION, and this is the way I generally see things, we are all things that we have ever been and ever will be. for me, it’s like looking at a person and always seeing their highest potential. seeing what they have always been, and ever will be. but, if they are not willing to work with 1) and 2) of the above, their fate is up to them. when I see someone who is hardcore working 1) and 2), that is how I know for certain they will step onto their path on this physical lifetime continuum. stepping onto one’s path generally won’t happen for the spiritually or emotionally or the physically or psychologically lazy. then again, I’ve met folks who were literally struck by lightning and almost died, and this was part of their life map and now they are in purpose. because we are constantly working with infinite timelines, which is really like one, long life (just incorporating various deaths and rebirths in physical form), we can choose to be our “fate” now, or later. this can be a very important choice depending upon our purpose.

when someone reads you, there are contingency factors as pointed out above. I give big props to people who put themselves out there and are willing to call themselves psychics, when in fact, they actually are. when you actually ARE something, saying it is quite a battle and one can suffer for a time because it can feel like admitting something very sacred and private. so, please let me be clear in saying that for those who admit it because they truly are “psychic”, I support you. the next thing about being a “psychic” is that we are ALL evolving more and more toward truth. if you ask me what is my definition of the word psychic? I actually say: TRUTH. in order to be “psychic”, we must be willing to see the truth. it may not be the truth we want to see. we may not know why we see it. but we see it. I wrote about this a bit in my blog post about how we fail in life because we want to be liked. I’ve been there. I’m not there as much anymore. but you will see what I mean in that post. when I’ve told people outcomes that I see and feel in my core, I’ve tried to explain that no, this is not coming from an opinion. this is why I avoid discussing politics. the hits that I get are not opinions, but I see what is happening and why. I poked my head out ever so slightly regarding 2016 and people couldn’t get their head around how I “knew” without a doubt. I have plenty of “predictions” which I call knowings, for the future, but I tend to reserve them for myself. why? people are afraid of what they don’t understand. and part of my goal in discussing what is “psychic” is to dispel this fear around it, like it’s some super-power that only certain people have, and they should be bowed down to. nope. for me, psychic means getting as close to YOUR PERSONAL TRUTH as possible…therefore accessible to and by all timelines/realities…therefore seeing the “future”.

when we get as close to our personal truth as possible, we are less likely to be fooled by OURSELVES, for one. for another, if we actually read with someone who has done and is doing their personal best to serve on a sacred life level, the chances of our “reading” being on point is more likely. there are, for sure, “psychics” who I believe are straight from hell, from the so-called devil himself. and they have been planted here to challenge us, to expand us. TO SHOW US CONTRAST. to test us to see whether or not we know ego from truth. to see what we are willing to rely on, or surrender our own power and control to. when we surrender our own power and control, for ego purposes (control), for sure we will suffer. we will likely get the “best” “psychic” out there who totally robs our free will, giving us all kinds of illusions to cling to without actually doing the work.

if you really pay attention to the equation that I present above as 1) and 2), you will know how “psychic” readings work. just because something “doesn’t come true”, doesn’t mean you read with a “bad psychic”. it can mean many other things. and the more in tune you are with yourself, the more you will understand WHY. we place so much power aka blame and responsibility, outside of ourselves. all of the time. and we are being taught to stop doing this. BECAUSE WE ARE ALL POWERFUL. don’t let a subject that you don’t know a lot about, scare or intimidate or even overly entice you. sure, there are many people who are excellent at reading energy, and these are knowings that were assigned to them at birth for different reasons. there are many people who choose, with integrity, to follow these knowings and pick up certifications or learn how to harness what is intangible for them and feels so unharnessed. and on that note, I want to plug one of my former patients and friends, Maria Liu. she came to me over two years ago, and has grown leaps and bounds with the many infinite gifts she has — creatively, and “psychically”. one thing I see her practice time and time again, is personal integrity. this is key to life. she offered to read for me recently, and I was so warmed by how she does it. I would describe her readings as story-boarding — her way is her way, but the message is probably the same (if we are talking about truth here) as the next person’s, assuming they are also of truth…and that we, the person being read, is of truth. her website is  alternativereiki.org, and she asked me to include this bio when I let her know I would be including her in my blog:

Maria is a certified Reiki Master, Integrative Life Coach, Eriksonian Hypnotist and Clairvoyant. She chose this combination of modalities because of how effective they are in working on everything from the conscious, unconscious, physical, emotional to the energetic. Maria’s intention is to guide you to fast positive transformations by offering you insight and tools to maximize your power. Her style is gentle, supportive, yet deeply cathartic.

Although Maria loves working with everyone, she is particularly passionate about working with other writers, creatives, empaths and intuitives. At present time, a focus of hers is on empowering other women.

I am always up for recommending and applauding intuitives or, for the sake of this post “psychics” (and just because I don’t personally like the word to describe my work, does NOT mean I judge everyone else’s choice of its use. words are particular. and they matter depending on the person). I can recommend Maria based on my own reading with her, which was really just a joy of an experience. I’ll write about that in my yelp review for her. I’ve spoken about folks I worked with early on in Manhattan, like Patricia Masters (RIP) who was an incredible psychic, and also Allison The Rock Girl who is now in North Carolina and does workshops and retreats.

when I first palpably entered the “psychic” realm back in 2002, I was afraid of it. I met some really “gifted” (they knew things – that doesn’t make someone gifted, gifted is how they choose to USE “things”) “psychics”, and they were terrible people. I was sure that I wanted nothing to do with that space. but, I realize now of course that I was being tested. I was shaking out old psychological patterning of having my space invaded, and I was gifted with having my space invaded so that I would finally learn to draw a boundary. it’s been a life of work on that now, since the intangible planes really are so curious. when I first learned about stones, it was through Allison The Rock Girl around 2008. I remember her handing me two stones at a fair, and I was terrified — my third eye pulsed like nothing I had ever felt, and so did my heart…in tandem with my third eye. I didn’t like feeling out of control, and it reminded me of why I stayed “away” from these things. I felt a little bit out of control! but, I also knew…there was truth in the stones, or at least the experience I was having by proxy to them. as my fear, like that of most people who might think of such a word when they hear the word “psychic”, lessened, I further embraced the path I had been on in the 90s and early 2000s when I would “work” on people energetically and not know what to call it. stones are still not my ultimate interest or anything, quite frankly I just find them pretty and I like the way they feel, but I will say that I have opened my mind to them after meeting Allison. all the same, they feel more like pet rocks than anything else and they are really nice to look at. so yes, I have hoarded many! and I enjoy using them in my healing sessions.

if you are thinking of having a “psychic” reading, I would say GO FOR IT. it doesn’t matter what someone calls themselves (psychic, healer, intuitive, tarot reader, lawyer -lol). it also doesn’t matter if you end up having a reading with a “bad” psychic, or an unethical one — because either way, your guides are STILL communicating to you (just like they do in the ordinary world, with ordinary people)! no one can take that away from you. in addition, when we go for “guidance overload” as Caroline Myss refers to it, we do get slapped. I’ve gotten slapped at times, when I’ve wanted answers as a way to control something in my life, before allowing it to play out, simply because it was a painful situation. of course I know who to call for “answers” when I can’t get them myself — but I rarely do it anymore (and rarely feel the need anymore). and when I have done it, I’ve been yelled at such as by my upstate tarot reader who does cold cases for the police. there are laws, even on the intangible planes — ok ESPECIALLY in the intangible planes — that we simply are not allowed to violate. this is why my main wish is for people to better understand all things “psychic”, and demystify much of the hoopla around this word — there is a whole other world out there, and we are all already in it. so, we might as well get to work in understanding it.

 

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there is no shortcut out of an ego death. there is no shortcut out of a dark night of the soul. there is no stopping a spiritual awakening. the only way out is through, so stop resisting.

there is no shortcut out of an ego death. there is no shortcut out of a dark night of the soul. there is no stopping a spiritual awakening. the only way out is through, so stop resisting.

before I begin to address the above subject(s), let me start by saying that it is important to me that no one confuse any actual mental illness or chemical imbalance with what I describe in this eBooklet. often times, particular “awakening” phases can mimic symptoms of true mental illness and it is important to know the difference. symptoms of a mystical/philosophical variety and actual mental illness can “look similar” and at the same time there are DISTINCTIVE differences. and, many people who are mentally ill or who do have a mental illness are characterized by denial – even and especially during full-blown symptoms. if you are having ANY experiences that affect your ability to function in the outside world for days at a time, i.e. sleep, eat, and socialize with others, and/or if you are hearing audible voices or feel paranoid, it is very important to consider a consultation with a good psychiatrist. you may just be in an awakening process, you may in fact have a chemical situation in your brain that needs support, or you may have BOTH happening at the same time! so, that is to say that NOT everything you are going through that could be considered “bizarre” or “unique” is in fact such; classic mystical and philosophical states have their own category outside of a mental health condition and you have to know how that may or may not apply to your overall condition. this is a very tricky territory for some people to navigate, especially since the “intangible” or “mystical” is typically faced with complete intolerance and indifference in the medical community, and my heart goes out to anyone in a position where they actually need treatment and medication. I cannot imagine the added difficulty it presents for them. sometimes a massive awakening presents as a one-time psychotic break that mimics an illness yet it is not an illness. many times, however, a psychotic break is the indicator of the onset of a life-long condition that needs attention.

one of my major goals in this life, especially during this time of awakening on our planet, is to provide support for distinguishing a spiritual awakening, ego death, and/or dark night of the soul from an actual mental health crisis. in doing so, the actual mental health crisis – whether separate or accompanying the processes I describe here – can perhaps be addressed in a more cutting-edge and more powerful/effective way by medical professionals. many of the medical professionals I know personally who work at a high level in the fields of psychiatry or psychology are actually sensitives/intuitives themselves, and they have been forbidden to go near esoteric subjects from the time they were studying at University. introducing the esoteric or intangible to the science and medical communities has proven extremely difficult in mainstream medicine and psychiatry. fortunately, there are brave souls and doctors how have put their reputations on the line and broken the mold. I am excited because more and more of these special individuals are coming forward to help bridge the gap. the stigma around mental illness and chemicals in the brain is still awful, and treatment measures could and will be a lot better than what they have been up until this point.

I also want to state that I, personally, have no history of mental illness. while I enjoy/ed reading scores of books on various conditions and discussing them with my friends who were/are mental health professionals, I never experienced what I know those who suffer from actual conditions experience. however if I was, you had better believe that I would be a major personal public advocate for mental health based on my own story. if you are suffering chemically, please have a look at amazing, inspirational people who have both accepted, addressed and overcome the challenges they have been presented with. here are two to start with, Miss Elyn Saks, and Miss Eleanor Longden.

there should be NO shame or fear around chemical matters of the brain, yet shame and fear seem to permeate so many beautiful and talented humans who do experience chemical imbalances in the brain. I will do my best, with my various sensitivities both emotionally and physiologically, Bridging the Gap Between Medical & Spiritual™

most of the people I see are in the middle of one of these three processes. depending on the person, the process will move “fast” or “slow” – and time is most certainly an illusion during these phases, so it might as well be irrelevant to discuss time. everyone wants to know “how long”? “how much longer do I have to go through this”? my answer is always the same: how much longer do you want to keep resisting?

until we surrender to the throes of something we don’t understand, haven’t experienced before and cannot control, we will remain in a painful state. which is the whole point of visiting that state in the first place! we were brought there to surrender. this is not something that humans typically do well. we are raised in a culture of control, and now more than ever a culture of instant satisfaction; instant knowing. instant controlling. this is not how the internal human experience is designed, though.

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spiritual awakening

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