how to forgive whilst simultaneously not re-entering a toxic, dangerous or abusive dynamic

photo by Anita Saini

it sounds like a paradox to most: forgive in order to become free; versus forgive in order to re-enter (hence try to fix/alter/accept toxicity, danger or abuse — AGAIN…).

it can be an endless pattern for many people, and it is. a few months ago I was chatting with a friend of mine. he “gets” what I do for work, but he’s not close to surrender (as I will refer to it throughout this post). and it’s fine. I told him that. it’s not a judgement on him – we speak our opinions about one another freely without offense. he criticizes me and doesn’t always understand me. and he also asks for and heeds my advice, such as on the subject I’m writing about. by the way these types of relationships are crucial in our lives, because if we a) need everyone to agree with us or b) can’t risk being offended, then it is not a healthy relationship. the same can be said about friendships and relationships in reference to politics etc, and I’ve said it before: I have friends on all sides of every equation out there. all countries. all religions. all political forms and allegiances. and all opinions are valid in this life. I digress…

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