this one is a long time coming…there are no more new Healing Elaine® sessions (of any kind) happening, either for new or former patients.
this one is a long time coming…there are no more new Healing Elaine® sessions (of any kind) happening, either for new or former patients.
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Alejandro Padron
folks. this feels like a petty post, but it has to be written.
when I started my company, I had to change my name three times. THREE. I chose a name and then yet another name and then yet another name that no one else had (of course I researched this extensively). I never imagined that anyone would not want to be exactly who they are (I still did not understand, at that time, why many people do not have identities of their own), and so I didn’t expect the copycat bandwagon to arrive. it did! in spades. after I settled into a third name “Healing Elaine®” (I have seen now, other Healing ___’s out there, but at this point I am not changing my trademarked brand as it is too established) I noticed another phenomenon — my actual words, structure, and way of working aka “protocol” (come on guys) was being replicated.
it started initially with patients of mine who were seeking identity. this was in the early days of my work. I would help them, and let’s say they were professional editors (oh, the irony). they would leave my office, and months later, pop up with a HEALING practice (these were not people who ever mentioned the slightest interest in “healing” or helping others, by the way). but not just that — they would copy/paste my actual words! as their own. I was just…mind blown. this was the start of what I began to realize is a long-running human sickness. it is something I saw growing up as a young person, and I wrote a blog post about it a few years ago — it is called Hostile Envy. basically, the premise is that someone gets close to you (in those days it was in person, not online!) and then suddenly 180s and “doesn’t like you” anymore. this is basically an example of an individual without identity, trying to claim yours, and splitting off a piece of themselves as “anger” which is disguised as “you’re not a nice person, I don’t like you anymore!” IN ORDER TO BECOME YOU. this happened to me constantly as a child. and, now it happens constantly as an adult! you can’t make this stuff up.
as my business moved along (and I’ve written about various examples of copycat syndrome in other posts, and people I helped unbelievably who then had to “distance” themselves from me — because, they either wanted to become me or parrot me or compete with me), I noticed people I once knew personally regurgitating my teachings; but not only that…grasping at straws for my patients’ attention and connecting with them. I literally had a $35 dollar psychic who had NO platform or social media when I met them, completely inspire their business after me. including a name change. including subject matter that was not even on their radar prior to meeting me. and to boot, after I promoted them and sent dozens and dozens of referrals their way, they bad-mouthed me to my own clients! it was like the 7th grade allllllll over again. but it didn’t start or end there.
I referred a patient of mine to a “best-selling author” a number of years back. I figured, hey, this author is successful so what could be bad about sending them business? well, looking back, I’m not so sure this author even wrote their own book. they had hired a ghostwriter, and somehow commissioned a well-known author and speaker to write their foreward. basically, you can do ALMOST anything with enough money — because enough people can be easily bought. sadly, most people can be easily bought. anyhow, the patient I sent to them took a class they were teaching. this person let the author know that I sent them. the author pretended to not know who I am, but I knew that they did. do you know, that within a month, this author had completely replicated my format!? down to the exact hour count. down to the explaining of the process, yet they were careful enough not to totally plagiarize my words (unlike people I am currently shocked at). now, WHY would a “best-selling author” need to do this? it’s a phenomenon that I write about, and one that I just LOVE talking about in therapy. because, of course, my therapist is not one of these people. rather, he is probably THE most achieved person in neuroscience and psychology and psychiatry who exists in today’s world, but it’s HIS WORK. he is a powerhouse. and, he’s quiet about it and doesn’t need attention. he just does his work. and, we talk about this phenomenon and why it happens to ME, constantly. the phenomenon as well that you say to someone, “sorry, you can’t merge with me” and suddenly you are hated/bad/mean/wrong/etc. watch what happens when people who are currently ripping me off are confronted, because they have no identity of their own…I will suddenly become a “bad” person, because I have reflected back their void. it’s truly unbelievable how it all works.
after the “best-selling author” incident, it just kept happening. people who I invested hours and hours of pro-bono work in, helping them to build companies of their own and fostering their gifts that they had never even considered, would either ghost or find a reason to “not like me”. I realized, “it’s happening again…”…I realized that in order for these copycats to exist, I could not exist. or else, their world would not make sense.
I don’t want to embarrass anyone, but it’s been happening again. it doesn’t hurt, because I don’t know these recent people personally. they have followed my accounts on and off (because, you know, transference; on / off / on / off — it’s a psychological disorder), watched every story like an addict, and then…become a version of me. I have been sent examples of accounts/people doing this, and I have observed accounts doing this. most recently, someone trying to “make it” in NYC has parroted my ENTIRE protocol. they also did the thing where, they follow a bunch of people, then then unfollow everyone. just like my accounts follow 0. well, frankly, my accounts follow 0 because I am SO sensitive, that I am afraid of NOT following someone and hurting their feelings! my work is so deep and personal with people, that I just don’t want to risk hurting some impressionable young person (or, anyone for that matter). I also just do NOT feel a pull to look at other people’s lives. honestly, I just…don’t. and finally, it was a way to stop the bizarre TROLLING of who people thought I was friends with / connected to. no thank you.
so, there is this individual now (depending upon their psychological state, it could really excite them that I am writing about this — people will do anything to be “seen”), parroting my “protocol”. verbatim. mandating prerequisites – my prerequisite book mandate. COME ON, folks, really? not only that, what’s more disturbing than copycatting my actual process (down to their specified “phone calls only”, and “due to high demand” reasoning — again, you can’t make this stuff up) is their “reasoning”; it’s reasoning that arose from my core. MY core. it’s not only bizarre, but totally unnatural. and, it is how people energetically “move in”, to other people. by trying to…become them. this is more than surface stuff, it is energy vampire stuff.
this stuff doesn’t end in middle school, guys. and, it’s disturbing and it SHOULD be noted as disturbing (as well as illegal — I pay very good money, monthly, to ward against plagiarism and YES I will address all of the above legally) because it is a total invasion of privacy. this model of behavior is the reason serial killers kill: they have zero identity, and so they absorb that of others…until, their mind can not handle the fact that the person they are robbing essence-wise and life-force wise STILL EXISTS. well let me tell you something: I exist. and there will never be two of us.
the work that I do, lets people know that they are ENOUGH all on their own. I foster individuality and gifts. I am fortunate to predominantly attract amazing people (and I’ve obviously gotten better at it over time) through my work who have enough “SELF” to make lots of lemonade with it. it is so ironic to me that I also attract the polar opposite; and, if you are not careful, and you too attract this and don’t recognize it, you will be left feeling depleted and then-some…assuming you are a sensitive person.
stalkers, impersonators, copycats, plagiarists, addicts and sociopaths are all in the same family; and what I write about above, is REALLY no different. it just depends upon the degree to which it occurs. I know that typically, the best response to these things is NO response; I actually only confronted ONE person ever, with regard to the above, and that is because they are not crazy. typically, people just want attention, and so they do this, hoping you will notice, and then once you engage it is like their CRACK. and, they go into denial, blame, projection, etc etc etc. it is someone’s ultimate fantasy to be confronted by an otherwise successful person — it validates to them that they exist. my “PROTOCOL”, however, is a legal consideration. I won’t tolerate plagiarism, not of my concepts and not of my words. if someone wants to read my blog on speed and regurgitate it on a podcast (this happens, too!), and pass it off as their own, FINE. go ahead. you can’t fake being who you are, and anyone who buys into it is also living at a level of un-truth. so, go for it. pretend to live my experiences. but if you are mimicking my words in copy, you will be pursued. don’t try it. also, I won’t contact you directly — my legal team will. so, you will not get the buzz you are looking for because I won’t be part of the equation. this is as much energy as you’ll get from me.
the epidemic of lack of self, is huge. it happens at the “highest” levels in society, too! many people spend a LIFETIME becoming OTHER PEOPLE. as I always say: humans are created equal, but energy is not™. this is legit. you must discern who / what you are dealing with! what we see is not what we get. people who pretend to be other people are simply really good at never being themselves — because who they are is dark. the only way to transmute dark is to look in a mirror — and those who parrot, copycat, mimic and over-identify with others will NEVER look in the mirror. so, it’s important to just…stay away from them. the same way I am suggesting that anyone with an ounce of sanity stay away from duplicating what I offer to the world. if you are sane, if you are talented, then JUST BE YOU. you are plenty. you are only you. there is only one of you. you are unique. DARE to find your talents, because they are endless. it is not TALENT that blesses a person, but the COURAGE to identify and AWAKEN that talent!
don’t plagiarize me.
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini
in 2017, after the Presidential election, I held a workshop. people were really bent out of shape and afraid of what this “unforeseen” election result meant. as always, I attract people from ALL CORNERS — with varying backgrounds, experiences, viewpoints and feelings. however; I am good at vetting those who at least live in truth — and this means, that a room full of people with different thoughts CAN totally mesh and make sense together. because I am this bridge, I believe it is one strong reason why I have been so heavily censored — the “powers that be” don’t like what I do (they dislike bridges). anyhow, during this 2017 workshop I was able to calm people down and help explain to them “the point of it all” — so that they would hopefully stop obsessing about it daily, stop watching baiting news that fosters divisiveness, and start focusing on their own inner power and strength…so that when future hard truths presented in their lives, they would be more ready.
I don’t often do workshops, because frankly they are very hard for me. they typically take me days or longer to prepare for (physically and energetically), and even longer to recover from. the bane of my work comes from my core, and I simply can not turn off being attuned on every level to an individual’s (or entire group’s) thoughts, feelings, and general dispositions. however, I feel the time is here for another workshop. if you read my blog, I don’t need to explain much about what this workshop would be like. it is important to note, though, that if you do not FULLY resonate with my blog, then it is NOT for you. don’t waste my time by calling because you have the intention of challenging who I am or what I know; I have no space for skeptics or people who want to bait me and “test” me in order to drain me or work out some personal psychological issue with me as a projection screen (yes, people try to do this).
this workshop will run an entire day and evening. they typically start later day and go past sunset. I will not publicly announce the specific location, it is TBA the night before the event and it will take place in Manhattan. as with every workshop I have ever done, there will be no recording devices allowed and phones will be turned off and placed in a separate space — this is because we are in a group setting and there are other people’s privacies to respect. when I do events in a group setting, everyone signs a confidentiality form — again, because I want other people to be able to feel free sharing thoughts that they might otherwise not share, if they could not do so confidentially.
I have never had a guest speaker or guest facilitator before, but for this event I am considering two. I am considering both a guest speaker as well as a sound healer. at least one of them is a former patient of mine.
the date for this is soon, but I will share it over the phone; in order to share it over the phone, I need to be sure that you are attending this workshop for the right reasons. typically, I can tell when someone is contacting me for the right reasons — once in a very great while, however, I get a bad actor who just wants to test my process and waste my time. I have no time or energy for the latter. it is not important to me what your world views are, and I am not out to change anyone’s opinion or force my opinion or the opinion of others upon you; rather, this is an opportunity to be open, receive support and answers, and feel part of something bigger than we each appear to be. as with each of my individual sessions, I take extra time and care to do my best to be sure that I am engaging with the right person at the right time. I have told people “no”, many times over — and developed a reputation for doing so; this I have done in the highest respect for and the best interest of all parties involved. if I wanted to be a roadside healer I would just let my revolving door spin and anyone who is anyone could sign up online and I would collect all day long. clearly that is not what I do.
here is what you need to do prior to calling with interest (it is important to note the difference between interest and inquiry, please); read my blog. read at least a few different long pieces. be prepared to talk about them, why they interest you, and what they mean to you. I won’t ask anyone to buy my eBooklets, because I don’t want to sound salesy. but what I write is the bane of what I share and expound upon at length in person – be it a one-on-one session or another service of mine…in this case, a workshop. as I have been saying, my time doing one-on-one healings has been winding down for quite a bit. some of it is beyond my control due to the incredible censorship I have experienced — but, all that really means, is that the censorship has provided for me less and less reachouts to vet. on my own side of the equation, my sessions have gotten longer and fewer and farther between. my model has expanded and contracted at the same time. I am interested in continuing to work with people, one-on-one, who affect our planet on a global level. this, of course, presents both benefits and challenges for me.
there will be opportunity during this workshop to talk about ANYTHING you want; it could even be very personal questions you have about your life and topics that digress from group or main topics that we may be covering. the structure for this workshop will follow my eBooklet series that is being turned into a TV Series, so even if you don’t purchase and download the eBooklets you will have a frame of reference as to the topic structure.
to reach out with interest regarding this workshop, please call 917-985-1221. if you can NOT ring through, or if you are not able to leave a voicemail with your first name only, then please visit my About page for a backup step. do NOT email that address without specifically stating when you tried calling, and what happened when you tried to leave a voicemail. I will delete your email if you are simply emailing — that is NOT my protocol. I work this way for a reason and it helps me avoid much nonsense. I need to hear your voice.
if you can not attend or do not want to attend the workshop, there are other ways to support my work. I don’t have a donation link because I still feel too much confliction around that (after all — upon applying for my first business loan EVER, the SBA denied me and called me a “patronage”! ha – as if. even my bank did not understand their response. well, maybe I should go be that [a patronage]. it would certainly make things easier); you may, however, download my eBooklets and 15 other articles that are available for download throughout my website. if you are interested in a one-on-one session, those are scarce right now for two reasons; one, my censorship has truly limited who can reach me…and two, my work takes dozens of hours and I have to be sure it is the right person. and just because you can afford it, does NOT mean I want to work with you or that it is the right session — I would turn down one BILLION dollars just to avoid working with the wrong person. I mean it. it is just not worth it to me. besides; the physical realm is all an illusion. my life force is worth infinite value and I can not put a price tag on what it takes for me to recover from the work that I do as well as in both prep and post — not to mention what happens if/when I work with the wrong person. if you do not understand this, then I am definitely not for you anyhow right now. please don’t think you can “try” a session with me just because you “can”. I mean this with the utmost respect for all parties concerned.
those who feel a pull and who are the right fit for this workshop will know it. to stay connected on other platforms, in the event my website or other platforms go dark, please follow me on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, YouTube, and Medium (even though I am currently or have been censored and shadowbanned on them). I have yet to consider other platforms like “TikTok”, etc!
it is all going to be OK.
Healing Elaine® in Thrive Global
Laura is the kind of person I dream of meeting over — and over — and over again. she has clarity, she has love in her heart, and she thinks of others. these may seem like simple qualities, but they can be hard to find.
like each and every session I do, I find something incredibly special about the person I am with. Laura has gifts and vision that transcend the “seen”, and she is starting to open and explore them. one of the reasons we worked together was purpose-related — as a successful corporate executive who came from Google, and then started her own branding company, Laura could feel in her awakening process that there was more…
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini
please read my ABOUT section before making any inquiry.
due to the number of technological issues I have had, which includes much outside interference, I have listed a temporary way of contacting me within the body of the ABOUT section here. there is a method to the way that I work, and I am going to keep it; even if I have to temporarily modify it. please trust in my process.
if you are calling my business line 917-985-1221 but you can not leave a voicemail, or if you are getting forwarded to a “call center” (literally, it was just recently brought to my attention that my business line is “crossed” with a whole other phone number! — the phone carrier is examining the issue), then please follow the instructions in my ABOUT section protocol.
recently, on top of all other censorship which you may read about by key word searching the word censorship, all three of my yelp business pages and locations — NYC, LA, and Miami — were deleted (404). there are hundreds of reviews within them, and they reflect a decade of travel and work with incredible people who took the time to share their heartfelt experiences. while tragic, there will be justice and I will not stop until I get my property back (which I spent tens of thousands on over the years, just to make sure yelp would not delete my reviews as they initially did when I signed up). there are clearly a number of forces attempting to work against me, because of the specific nature and quality of my work; but, their intentions won’t ultimately work. forces can slow me down, forces can make me angrier (and stronger), and forces can juxtapositionally reveal themselves as I shine a light on them, but forces will never stop me. and when we work together, I show you how the forces that attempt to work against you will not only never stop you, but will ironically reveal incredible and unexpected gifts if you are willing to face and weather the truth of a storm.
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Sani
the tables are turning. finally. dark is being eclipsed by light. finally. this is causing all kinds of behind-the-scenes wars. particularly within media and big tech. things are just not what they have seemed to be, to so many people.
our planet has always been run the same way — it’s just that we are finally seeing the truth of HOW it has always been run. we are seeing the truth because we can not hide from ourselves. we can not hide from ourselves, because technology is too advanced to allow it. how ironic! and, how ironic because those entities one might consider “most advanced” or powerful in tech or, rather I should say big tech and media (including entertainment), carry the most destructive but soon-to-be-revealed force. force is different from power (read my prerequisites). force doesn’t work. force is a farce that appears to work for a brief period of time. a brief period of time could be an actual millennium. either way, and ultimately, force crumbles. it breaks down. and the PHANTOM ENEMY that has been appointed BY FORCE as “The Enemy”, reveals as something…else. the projection screen that everyone has identified as the (phantom) enemy no longer appears to be the enemy as dark is eclipsed by light. and the real enemy emerges. right now, the real enemy is beginning to emerge — because, physics…
as this happens, we are going to see a MASSIVE crumbling of big tech and media as a whole. as a whole, they are our greatest enemy, our greatest offender, and until now, the most invisible one of all. there are many innocent people working within big tech and media, and they do not understand who and what they are actually working for. pay attention to what is going on within major companies — when and why certain C-Suites are stepping down and away. pay attention to who is selling their shares or their companies. pay attention to which institutions fund news channels of all kinds, and how the relationships between those parties changes. it will all become more obvious, because the BRAZEN ARROGANCE of our planet’s puppet masters (puppet masters: these people own and control big tech, media and entertainment) is just so incredible…this brazen arrogance is the blindspot of any totalitarian regime. it’s the one thing that no human can eclipse: the blindspot. this particluar blindspot of arrogance is going to reveal all.
many of the people whom you thought were the enemy, are not and never were. your entire perspective is going to change as truth reveals what your mind could not make sense of before. on a very important note: the more resolution you have with your PERSONAL trauma and your ability to see evil within your OWN life and the people close to you, the easier of a time you are going to have with all of the public domain truth that is coming your way. if you are still in trauma mode and projection mode, as I estimate 80% of human beings are, you are going to have a really hard time with the truth that is coming your way. it’s time to get clean and get clear, because nobody — and I mean NOBODY — can escape what is coming next.
live honestly. even if it “costs” you short-term. there is no escaping the karma that we create for ourselves and others.
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini
as many of you who know me know, I have been dealing with unthinkable censorship since 2017 (brief backstory is here, on my Instagram page). after my websites were stolen and restricted, I was alerted to (foggy and hard to concretely prove) simultaneous censorship and shadow banning at the hands of media companies — namely, big tech / social media outlets and ISPs (internet service providers). while the story will ultimately tell itself, I am asking for as much help as possible with identifying where, when and how people can NOT visit my website. for example: after GOOGLE refused me the ability to advertise on its platform in multiple ways (I have this in writing) and refused my locations and many other things, it was noted that people using CHROME (a GOOGLE product) could not open my site; yet, they COULD open it in internet explorer or via another browser. this issue remains alive and unwell. the fact is, certain browsers and ISPs restrict my website. the “why” of this will come to you at a later time. what I need help with now, is the “when” and “where”…
I am asking everyone I know — assuming you even get to this page, on whichever device of yours — to please note whether or not you can open my website via mobile, desktop, chrome, or some other browser. I need to know which devices and browsers are slow, and which ones are not. I need all the data I can get. please ALSO ask your friends and colleagues who have never heard of me, to identify and record the same. I need both screenshots and videos of what is happening.
you can email email@example.com ONLY with evidence of NOT getting to my website. for all other questions please follow protocol and contact the business line directly at 917-985-1221. thank you in advance for being part of my positive mark in history. I sincerely appreciate any and all support.
©Healing Elaine®, logo by Shamona Stokes
this is a 3 day retreat that will take place roughly 1.5 hours outside of Manhattan. the format time-wise for this retreat is similar to past workshops, and it will span 2 nights and 3 days. the content covered will mirror that of my one-on-one sessions, and we will go naturally broader by introducing additional like-minded energies or similar experiences (other human beings) to your experience. I will limit this retreat to 4 people, and each person will have 1:1 time with me. since you already know me, I probably don’t need to explain much more.
this is happening soon, and you may call the business line at 917.985.1221 to schedule with me or ask questions.
since my phone lines seem to be having difficulties, please be sure to leave a voicemail — perhaps even two voicemails. I do not text message, and I have a new email address. direct calls are always best.
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Alejandro Padron
sexual predators survive because their family and victims protect them.
it is amazing to me, the number of cases I am familiar with throughout my lifetime thus far. and in each and every case, I see an entire family rallying around the most insidious, evil, often outwardly powerful individual (predator).
of course, predators do not have to be men. in many cases, they are. and in many or nearly all of these cases, their families protect them — because, you know, REPUTATION.
in all cases of abuse, not just sexual, I have discovered one thing to be true nearly 100% of the time: the witnesses, the complicit, the bystanders, care more about their image than the victim. just like wild animals, they will eat one of their own to save face. it is the human condition at its most pathetic.
many years ago, I was out and about in New York City. I saw a very run-down, broken-down, modified version of an amazing person I once knew as a child. the child I knew was gorgeous, stunning, both inside and out, and had a life inside of them that just could not be put out. as I gazed at the individual who reminded me of this once-child I knew, they gazed back as if they knew me too. in a completely altered state this person approached me: they were, in fact, the effervescent child I once knew. I was in shock. what had happened to them? why were they like this? why were they in such active addiction that they didn’t even resemble themselves physically, not to mention energetically? I was embarrassed for this person, saddened, curious, and incredibly empathetic as to what might have happened to them. I didn’t realize, at the time, that MANY (ok, I am going to say based on thousands of individuals that I have treated: ALMOST ALL) active addicts are products of incest and sexual abuse or rape. I wasn’t as fully aware before this last decade, of the correlation between those two things, as I am now. another byproduct of sexual crimes is, of course, eating disorders. anyhow, I looked at the person who I once knew in this public place and I simply could not get over my shock as to the stark contrast they bore in resemblance to who they once were. when I thought about their family, I recalled them being the family that everyone idolized; their parents were powerful WASPS moving between NYC and the suburbs for work and social, their children were visibly stunning and intelligent, and they appeared to have it all — and most of all, respect from their peers (the parents, namely). I remembered all of the things that they did and achieved as children, and how much their parents seemed to care for them. BUT: it was all a show. as I stood in this public space in the heart of Manhattan, I would hear something that almost knocked me to my knees as well as terrified me. this person from my past suddenly and randomly shared with me some most atrocious details, details that I am afraid to include here even though I am writing in the most anonymous way possible. in the moment of their sharing, I realized that I was the first and only person that this individual ever shared that information with regarding their past, and their present. to date, I have heard few things as horrifying. not only had they witnessed and experienced the most unthinkable acts of abuse at the hands of their parents, but their life was threatened if they were to share anything about it. their siblings shared the same fate. one of their parents was the active physical predator (this went on for YEARS), while the other one was the complicit predator. and in a moment, it all made sense. these beautiful children had all become addicts, as well as suffered from eating disorders and dysmorphic conditions. they had ALL been in trouble with the law. and all the while, their “parents” remained the pillars of society. IMAGINE THAT! what a beautiful pity party it must have been, for these WONDERFUL parents to have such screwed up children. and let me be clear: I see this happening everywhere. turn on the news and see for yourself (if you can actually SEE).
like so many other things that I have been made aware of in my life, there was no one to tell this story to. all of the children in this scenario were already grown adults, and had royally messed up their lives because their lives were actively, methodically and deliberately stolen from them. who would I tell? and if I did, I could have faced a nightmare of my own. I also realized that this child I had once known, the one who existed in perhaps only 1% of the person’s body who came clean with me about their past, was not even remotely available for help. this encounter stuck with me for years to come, and the details that were shared with me would play over and over in my head again every time I came across yet another victim who had been used as a chess piece by their “family”. nearly every victim I would encounter in the future had an excuse for or a recantation of their story or experience after I heard it. of course we know what Stockholm syndrome is, and of course that plays a part in any case of abuse. but what really made me curious was the lengths to which the parents and families (extended family included) would go, to make CERTAIN that not only did the abuse NOT reach public earshot, but actually that it CONTINUE. side-note: I wrote another article about WHY people molest, and you can read it here. it’s got a LOT in it, and no it is not what you have read about before in terms of how the physics of this stuff works.
the absolute NEED for the dynamic of abuse to continue within a family dynamic is absolutely astounding to me. but, I get it. and as old as it gets for me personally, it NEVER gets old. it is as if each person in the family will DIE if they do not keep the show running — the victims MUST remain the victims, the enablers MUST remain the enablers, the heroes (father of the year! mother of the year!) MUST remain the heroes, and the audience MUST remain the audience: appearances are EVERYTHING to a corrupt “family”. in the case of the person I shared earlier here, this was LITERALLY the M.O. for the victims, the enabler (mother), and the hero (the rapist father). until the day that their parents died, they stuck to their story: “greatest parents ever!!!”. imagine that.
I will get back to how the “family” covers up and also RELIES on their own intrinsic abuse for survival in a moment, because I also want to touch on WHAT THEY DO with these lies. you can’t have a secret THAT BIG, and not DO anything with it. it’s why some abuse drugs, vomit, commit crimes, etc. but that’s still not enough. in every case I have ever known, denial of such a big truth creates the biggest projection screen one could imagine. and this is where “causes” come in and become their focus — particularly victim causes for other victims. instead of acknowledging that the most important predator in the world is living IN THEIR HOUSE (or once did), these people become incredibly passionate about exposing the predators that they perceive to be roaming the planet. THEY BETRAY THEMSELVES ALL OVER AGAIN. I’ve seen this happen live. literally. I could say to someone “so, you are aware of the fact that your father is a rapist…you don’t remember him raping you…but you know he raped your sibling because you saw it…yet you remain connected to him?”. and they will make up an excuse and go about their business and then find ANYONE or ANY story on the news that they think even resembles their hidden truth, and they will wave the flag like nobody’s business. at that point, not only are they betraying themSELVES (again), but they are betraying the entire cause. and it’s not their fault. but there has to be some level of accountability for knowing your own ugly personal truth, but denying it while jumping on someone else’s bandwagon. it doesn’t make sense. and it’s also why a lot of causes get ruined and lose steam — they are being focused on by people who won’t even accept the apparent and consciously prevalent evil in their own flocking families. it is also why people deliberately and falsely accuse. THEY NEED A PLACE TO PUT “IT”.
the child I once knew who disappeared into the darkness of the most evil of creatures, turned their back on the real cause: because they had decided alongside their family that that’s what you do. not only did they turn their back on the real cause which is simply the name of truth, but they strengthened the cause of evil which allows this energy to perpetuate: they put on a FRONT. as many families do. particularly wealthy and otherwise privileged families. it’s a whole tribal thing.
the lengths that I have seen a mother go to, to “turn a blind eye”, just to save face, while throwing her young right under a speeding bus, are unimaginable. desperate to have the appearance of a good life, the illusion of happiness, and the access to society as a “woman who has it all” supersedes ANY concern for her children. and let me be clear: women molest, too. women rape. particularly histrionic mothers (but that is another article). I’m just using particular gender here from the majority of examples that I am familiar with to describe the family’s role in its own systemic abuse…which absolutely keeps them running (it is their gasoline). in the most sick ways.
The Menendez Brothers case is certainly one to consider and take note of. I can tell you with 100% certainty that when both parents live with their children under one roof, EVERYONE knows the truth. they just lie about it. after all, their very breath came from lies. their very foundation is built upon NOT TELLING THE TRUTH. but they get really good at it. the victims lie to themselves, and for the parents. the parents lie to the victims, and to society. the point is EVERYONE knows what is going on. even when they say that they do not. there is simply no escaping a truth that big.
I thought about the mother of the childhood friend I described earlier, and how I had thought of her when I was a child. she seemed strong, tethered, very active in the community, and just…normal. how terrifying is that? again, after hearing about so many of these cases as well as having certain experiences of my own, it all however made perfect sense. the facade of the sexually abusive family is the gold and the glory. the facade is the ultimate mirror of confusion, and it must be put in place on day one in order to function properly. I thought back to any cracks I might have seen in the mother’s facade in this case, and I just couldn’t find any. I really didn’t know the truth those decades earlier. usually I feel like I know, at least in retrospect. I didn’t. I just knew how beautiful those kids were, and how full of life they were. it is unthinkable, how things are just not what they seem to be.
in all of these cases, one thing is for sure: victims protect their abusers. 99% of them go to their grave protecting them. and regardless of why, they betray themselves as well as society in a double-betrayal when they hide their secrets. of course, they are just doing what they were trained to do — that is what abuse does. but it is super important to note, that the majority of people walking around outside who have any history of abuse, are not only not honest about it (again, for a variety of reasons), but they will find other people to project their untold truths onto. this is dangerous. it’s dangerous for everyone. and I see it constantly. and I wonder where the line of accountability is, for people to stop pointing the finger at others when their own sexual offender lives in the same house as them. or funds their life. isn’t that like committing a metaphoric triple homicide? you betray yourself, you betray the truth of the family, and you betray others going through the same thing by placing that blame somewhere more convenient…lying to oneself — NO MATTER THE REASON — is literally the definition of evil.
it is a standard operating tool of the brain to displace traumatic events and identify others as perpetrators when they are, in fact, NOT perpetrators. when I was 20 I had this (platonic) girlfriend. every time she drank, she accused me of hurting or offending her. it got to the point in which I wrote her a letter explaining why I could not be her friend anymore. I did not understand her behavior at the time. she went on to have a string of three engagements to AMAZING men: she did the same thing in each relationship. just as things were about to get good, she flipped a switch. she made every single person her perpetrator. I felt so sorry for her, watching this happen from afar. she was and is gorgeous. I used to want to look like her, to have her confidence, to have her wardrobe, to have her possibilities. I would never trade places with her now. I see her alone and flailing with no roots. no therapy or proper self-reflection (it is very important to note that a LOT of these completely unhealed people move into positions of “healer” or “therapist”!). and I understand her. she is a good person. but she will not face her truth. and that is the only way out…
we suffer grave injustice, not to suffer it — but to do something with it. each of our internal moral compasses is tested, constantly, in different ways. the bottom line is to face fear, not run away from and with it. and abuse of the nature that I am describing here creates the most atrocious fear I could imagine feeling. but it is a chance to energetically end the cycle, not just for oneself but for others. when we cower in tribal shame, protecting the tribe, we are throwing many innocent victims whom we have never met, right under the bus. sometimes being a victim isn’t about being a victim — it is about being a perpetrator…a perpetrator with the opportunity to stop perpetration via willingness to face the fact that s/he is a victim. and then do something with that truth.
©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini
victim consciousness is born from trauma. we experience this in different ways, and at different times. some of us experience it from our very first breath on planet earth (this is the most difficult to ever recover from, and very few do — the ones who do, end up leading others to their ultimate healing path).
when we are traumatized, we are a “victim”. and after that point, unless we do the kind of work necessary around that trauma to reorder the algorithms in our brain chemistry that are keeping the emotional resources separate from the concept of time, we stay in victim mode. when we are tired of being in victim mode, we may either become an addictive rescuer of others, OR, we may become an addictive persecutor of others — simply to perpetuate the trauma from different angles and re-experience it in order to “solve” it. in any case, we will alternate between the three roles in effort to “escape” our situation. the problem with this is, the situation is not happening anymore. unless, of course, it is happening in our MIND because we are “triggered” and we don’t even know it.
I’ve been reading self help books for over twenty years, trying to make sure I’m “right” in the mind. draw your own conclusions as to why, and read the rest of my blog for more detail. I grew up wanting to rescue others, when in fact I needed to (and deep down wanted to) rescue myself. I started as a psychology major at Northeastern University, and two things happened; one, I was so deeply in active trauma (which I buried in socializing and alcohol) that I could barely focus enough to properly attend class and study. two, the boxes and rigid nature of clinical psychology bothered me — because I saw so much more. and, what is most lucky about the fact that I did not dive into “helping” people immediately post college which is an age that any early life trauma that has occurred is STILL occurring because the brain is actually still forming, is that I had a lot of time to sort through my own messes and see what was actually going on…by reliving the trauma versus compartmentalizing it and becoming a “therapist”.
in my 20s I relived my trauma over and over and over again. I predominantly attracted abusive people, addicts, and absolute psychopaths into my life. it all felt totally normal, and I never saw who/what they were until I SAW — which, of course, was always devastating. I had never witnessed a healthy dynamic of any sort in my life, and so I didn’t know where to begin. I didn’t even know what was happening. I was destitute in a variety of ways for much of my 20s (while also finding ways to blow off steam socially), and yet also DRIVEN. just like my early life, I never gave up. I went to Alanon when I couldn’t afford therapy (which was nearly all of the time), and when I did make it to a few therapists, all of them except for two were batshit crazy. the turning point for me, to realize that I was not crazy but that I was continuing to surround myself with very crazy people, came when I met a top therapist on the upper east side. it was only one session, because I begged a “loved one” to pay for it as I felt so close to the edge. I’m not sure what I expected, as I consciously knew I would not be able to ever afford to go back, but I went anyhow. when they say “you get what you pay for”, THIS was the proof in that pudding statement. this man (therapist) heard my story for about 15 minutes, and simply said, “there is nothing wrong with you. you are in a regression of your past”. the way that he looked at me was so clear. it was a look that I was only familiar with when it came to former bosses (I had some wonderful male role models as bosses in my 20s!), and maybe a few teachers. the look said: I see you — you are a wonderful person. I never forgot that therapist (it was the first and last time I saw him), and I took his words as well as his unspoken words to heart. this would be my turning point. and, it is worth noting, that when you are intrinsically sane but you have only known crazy, all it takes is one other intrinsically sane person to help you begin to leave the crazy that you know. this, has shown up in my work repeatedly and it is the most extraordinary aspect of what I do.
I began to recognize my patterns, but I still didn’t understand how they were forming and how my FEELINGS about the trauma that would seem to repeat out of nowhere and “find” me, were connected to my past trauma. I lived in a degree of victim consciousness because of the RELATIONSHIP to the past and present that was active in my mind — in other words, every time that something familiar and traumatic happened in my then present tense life, I experienced the emotion I did as a very young being. I did not know how to separate the two (event versus feeling). this, as well as any other way that we re-create our own trauma, is victim consciousness. and it’s incredible to try to come out of — particularly when we are intelligent.
the first time that I witnessed myself “leave” some of my victim consciousness, was around age 30. I was in contact nearly every day with the CRAZY that had shaped my entire life, and it drove nearly every thread of adrenaline in my body just as it had as a small child. I had done a great job at physically getting away from my trauma, but the reverberation was just incredible. in my particular case, and at that time, I still had the ultimate crazy double-bind persecution coming at me about who I was, how I lived, what I wore, what I looked like, what decisions I made, etc — as an adult. I was brainwashed into thinking (because it was stated over — and over — and over again) that I would “never ever make it on my own” and that I would always need someone to help me. the learned helplessness that I was attemptedly taught, however, only worked to a point. there came a day upon which I didn’t want to learn it anymore. and so, I LET GO. and I mean — LET GO. I decided simply not to listen to the brainwashing that was coming at me as an attempt to hold me prisoner forever. and in not listening, I had to do something else — I had to face the fear that had been PLANTED inside of me at my first breath: that I could not make it on my own. the funny thing is, I am so independent. my intrinsic self KNEW that this washing of my consciousness was a lie, BUT, it was embedded in me. and so, I had to learn how to separate my traumatized FEELINGS that came from past trauma (and were still being iterated daily from sources beyond me) from my then current circumstance. I mentioned I was destitute — this meant that I had run out of means to support myself at that time due to where I was at in my life with career (and of course, incredible PTSD). this, of course, was a consequence of the past — being told since my first breath that I could not make it alone. and then, to boot, being severely punished and persecuted for it. there was no way out. but this time, as I faced housing court in New York City, I decided that it was an omen as well as an opportunity; I decided that if I could make it through this and not die, and I could CHANGE the way I felt about what was happening, I could move mountains. and, I did.
I decided that I would take the feeling of guilt and shame, that was planted inside of me to control me my entire life, and separate it from my current circumstance. I was still confused as to how everything connected together, but I thought, if I can literally GIVE UP this particular aspect of guilt and shame around my CURRENT situation, then I can get clearer on the past — and then I can begin to move forward. I decided that I was not going to feel like a victim. the fact was, at that time, that I was late a number of times on my rent payments. in tandem, the landlord wanted to make more money off of the apartment by moving me out, and started to find ways to get me to court. initially, all I cared about was making the landlord happy because he represented an authority figure to me (my greatest fear). so, I initially signed anything he wanted me to (one of them being a judgement against me — I didn’t even know what I was signing). but then, I realized that I shouldn’t be persecuted simply for being late when I was communicative and honorable. I already knew that many of the things about that apartment building were illegal, not to mention necessary repairs that were often not made at my request, and I decided to fight back. I contacted a prior tenant whom I found in the white pages, and she told me horror stories about the building and the apartment I lived in at that time — which was actually her former apartment. and, she had successfully sued the owner of my building (back in the 90s). she told me that I was being bullied and that they were not legally allowed to do what they were doing to me. so, I took her to court with me. and, I brought the lawyer she used in the 90s to win her case. let’s just say that the problem was solved and I was harassed no more. I wasn’t evicted, we reached an agreement, and I was able to move. now the KEY ingredient here, was my willingness to RISK letting go of the debilitating, traumatizing feeling of absolute helplessness and fear (not to mention incredible fear of speaking up for myself, as the consequences were physically and mentally DIRE for me as a young person) that I had been programmed with my entire life as a way to keep me dependent upon crazy. the door to pass through with this key, was my then current circumstance. and when I turned the key and unlocked the door, I saw how what I was feeling versus what I was actually going through were two different things. I DID have control. I WAS capable. I DID deserve autonomy. I DID deserve safety. I DID deserve a better environment. I had moved the dial in the back of my programmed mind, and some of the outdated programs were thankfully no longer working.
there is a story about an elephant who is chained to a tree at a young age, and then unchained. when he is unchained, he still stays by the tree even though he knows there is no chain. in his unconscious, he believes he is chained to the tree. this is what it feels like to be a victim of trauma, despite KNOWING that the present tense is not the same. and what’s more, is when the present tense resembles or illicits, in any fashion, a feeling from the past — the two timelines just automatically conjoin and get totally muddled and confused. this is the reason that the majority of people walking our planet are in active victim consciousness. they can’t tell the difference between the past and the present. and I understand.
after I was able to “break free” by risking all of the potential “realities” (aka terrifying punishment) that would come from all of the lies that I was told about myself, I experienced an incredible transformation in my life. but, there is always more work to do. there were still unconscious triggers that were just tremendous, and I still had trouble separating them. but then, I reached a new plateau. this plateau came on the heels of repetition of the same patterns (we all complain about not being able to break patterns — well this is the bane of my HE™ work!) to an absolutely ridiculous proportion, at which point in time I had nothing left to do other than ask: what am I not seeing here? what I saw, relates to my last post about evil. I saw that, since I had already done what I was supposed to do in terms of (physically and in all ways) separating myself from the source of my trauma and traumatic conditioning, I had reached the next step because my mind felt safe enough to take it. I saw that all of my current circumstances, whatever they were, existed on the planet for ANYONE to experience — not just me. I saw that they were bad experiences, yes, but that they were available to ANYONE — not just me. I always say this: first we attract where we have come from, and THEN we attract what we ARE — if we have enough courage to transcend where we come from. I looked around and realized that I was no longer confused about my present tense circumstances (for certain, victimizing circumstances) and my early programming for shame, guilt, failure, defeat, dependency, disaster, chaos, and self-blame. and then, came the next step.
once I saw the separation of the timelines that do indeed get crossed whenever we experience trauma, I had the ability to decide how to FEEL about the present tense. I had reached a level at which I could distinguish the past from the present, and I was so excited about that fact. as I looked at my situation — I was the victim of theft, betrayal, censorship (still happening!) — there was simply nothing personal about it. all of the idiots that I had come across exist out there in the world regardless of me. it was just that I had over-identified with those idiots and crazies, because it was all I had known up until a point. the familiarity was the crippling part, but I had moved the mountain that was blocking my view from the fact that IT ALL HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I was just there. I didn’t have to relate the present to the past — with the exception of understanding how I was continuing to experience similar events with the same level of emotion.
when we escape the confusion of trauma timelines, and do not re-create trauma via transference, we are free. free to choose, next, how to feel about xyz. again, this may all make sense logically or consciously, but when the trauma triggers are activated it does NOT distinguish. and it doesn’t matter how smart you are or how old you are or how achieved you are. you can’t beat trauma with intellect or “experience”; you can only beat it by taking risks that feel very scary to the brain, and by being honest with yourself. the few of us who can do those things — even if they take decades — will experience a freedom that very few will ever know.
as current difficult circumstances arise in my life, and they always will because I am, after all, ALIVE, I know that I must always know the difference between the past and the present in order to break a pattern. we receive traumatic patterns for the very PURPOSE of breaking them. again: first we attract where we have been, and then we attract what we are. and to be frank, some people are simply shitty. and so they will have shitty lives. you will witness this by the fact that they refuse to help themselves, refuse proper therapy, and refuse to be honest (that part is hard to discern if you have only known dishonest people, but you can refer to this article of mine for more information). as strange as it seems, some people really DO love to be miserable.
our ability to move out of victim consciousness when we are, in fact, a victim of a current circumstance, is related to our ability to really distinguish and KNOW the past. as I keep saying, most people never get there and they have no idea they are making eternal loops. but if you have done the work, done the therapy, done the self-introspection, then you are either close to being there or you are already there and ready for that next key step. it’s easy to mentally and emotionally re-victimize ourselves when something reminds us of a trauma — such as ongoing psychological and physical abuse, rape, incest, losing a baby, and so forth. but, we don’t have to stay prisoner to what once happened, if we are willing and able to take that leap and see that our CURRENT circumstance is truly a random act from God, asking us to get clear on what is what in order to move on. as with any trauma, betrayal or victimization, I ALWAYS say demand justice (and we can’t demand justice without first getting healthy angry!) — just be sure you know which timeline each feeling resides in, so that you do not waste added energy or time. and when you can empower yourself by getting clear on the past in the way that I describe, the power to deal with the present is INCREDIBLE — after all, you have already transcended the same “thing”, which will never be as hard as it was the first time to transcend.
once we know the difference between the timeline/s of our trauma in relationship to our feelings in the present tense about ANY xyz thing, we are free to choose what definition we give to it.