you don’t need money to start your business

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

I’m serious. any other thought is an excuse.

a few thoughts on the above.

I literally launched Healing Elaine® while I was in housing court. literally. a lot of people (who don’t know me) have questioned my path, my success, my supposed handouts or “luck”, because they do not know me or the facts and some have said that I make things “look easy”. things are never easy. at least not the things that pertain to our destiny, or walking into our destiny itself. I also want to make clear how valid, equally important and powerful our destiny may be simply by existing — we are often subject to thinking or believing that we have to “achieve” in order to matter, and that is simply not the case. although I fall partially into that category and it is something I work on within myself, I also DO know that my path is specific — and it simply happens to involve tangible “achieving”. oh how I have wished, many times while on this planet, to be able to be “normal” – to live a life and walk through a life in which I do not feel the internal pressure or desire to live out a specific purpose. but, that fire has been there since I was 18 months. I exactly remember knowing and feeling a fire, as a toddler, in my bedroom during playtime. this specific life-force within me — despite all of the twists and turns and horror I have dealt with in my life — has never left me in terms of reminding me that it was/is there to contend with for outer world purpose no matter what I do. and I suppose a lot of that fire/”drive”/life-force has much to do with where I am today. but let me get back to my point.

if you have read any of my eBooklets or much of my blog, you will get a feel for my path. I have “failed”, hundreds of times, at hundreds of things. I felt like a failure when, after a 5 star education, I could not keep the lights on in my apartment. but, I also knew my challenges — internally and externally — which contributed to that, but perhaps most importantly, the RECOGNITION that perhaps my “failures” had more to do with communicating to me my purpose versus standing in front of me as punishment. once I began to move past the self-shame and guilt around my difficulties, the lights turned on – literally and figuratively. I struggled for years and years after college — part of this was in thanks to VERY clear and bad/sadistic messaging I received early on and throughout my entire life around taking care of myself and deserving ANYTHING at all — to make ends meet. to eat, to keep a roof over my head, and to accomplish the things I wanted to accomplish. since I was not allowed free rent, I constantly had to think on my feet. I was too busy, and under to much pressure, to be “uninspired” (though I certainly had periods of “WHAT DO I DO NEXT?”). and every year there seemed to be a challenge or road block of which I had to conquer, for the purpose of my inner world as well as outer world, in order to “initiate” to the next level in my life. the Universe always seemed to allow me to get JUST FAR ENOUGH before it slammed me with another lesson. this continued to develop my own spirit as well as character and personal understanding of myself, the world, and how those two things combined. with all of that said, it was 2008 when I dove deep into understanding how metaphysics and the intangible realms would actually fit into my life — a matter I had been debating since 2003. I was broke, had just gone through a breakup, and I was outlining 3 major things for “the rest of my life” each day on paper: my creative career, my healing career, and my business/entrepreneurship career. I literally wrote out my first, middle, and last name on paper each day — each name corresponded to the part of me that I would work toward. since NO ONE of us is unilateral or linear (aka fits in a box), of course I had more than one category. in fact, I think we could all be broken up into at least 3 said categories, relative to our personality/desire/purpose. for me, in 2008, I began to try to boil each category/pot. and, kind of at the same time — until each one came to sort of a simmer. this is to say that in 2008 I outlined my acting career, my healing and writing career, and my career as a producer/entrepreneur — a combination of the first two names, with a little something extra.

I started it all by finding a way to keep that roof over my head. this also meant no more corporate work (I left that behind in 2006), so I had to think about what I could tolerate as well as what I enjoyed. so, I worked 3 jobs around that time; I waited tables and bartended, I did a ton of stand-in and photo double work on tv and film (alongside many one-off odd jobs such as a look-book model for various clothing brands, a Pucci body-paint model at Bar Mitzfahs, etc), and I did small production jobs pro-bono so that I could start building a resume in that territory. I probably worked 20 different jobs during any given quarter of the year. I also started to see people for healings — at that time, I didn’t know what to call “it”/the healings, so I would say “ok come over at 6pm. we will walk to the east river, talk through your problems, and I will work on your energy field”. and I would do that. I started with friends and acquaintances. I would talk to them for a couple of hours and lay my hands on them. I would hear their outcomes and be astounded at how quickly things moved for them. but it was nothing new — I had done this sort of “thing” my entire life already! I just wasn’t getting paid for it. I juggled the latter with all of the above, and was always still stressed about how to pay the rent. I was also not ready to announce myself in a healing capacity, though many other wonderful healers or intuitives who I had spoken with around that time continued to suggest to me that I do. I was not ready to come out of that closet though (mostly unsure of how to present it all), and I was gathering my data to do so. I wanted to create a baseline, no matter how big or small — it just had to feel steady to me — of experience in enough categories to “launch” myself. I attended a number of “new age” events within which I learned hard lessons about “spiritual” and “new age” communities — basically I was/am not a fan and learned that just because someone has an “ability” (we all do, by the way), it did/does not make them a better or noble or even good person. it just made them a person. during this time I also focused all of my efforts on landing a real tv role, and I did — I landed on a soap opera just as I had lit an intention candle for every night for 2 years. alongside this tv role, I beat the pavement, waking up for 5am tv set calls and worked 16 hour days for my unseen roles as a stand-in or photodouble. I rented my studio (a SHARE) to strangers from craigslist and thankfully no one was crazy…I was being looked out for by the man upstairs (call it God, the Universe, whatever you like). I put in the grind and I knew that I had about 2 years in each “category” of me until I could start piecing an actual business together. I might note as well, that while I was doing all of this, it was all on faith. I had no “proof” that my life would work out. every day my faith was tested. in many ways. IT STILL IS.

by 2009 I had fully achieved my acting goal for that time, moved away from that somewhat to focus on my consulting business, and started to figure out how to tie in healing/helping people. each time I got to where I wanted to go, the floor would drop out from under me again. the tests were endless. I would be backed up on rent, unable to eat, or whatever. but never once did I think “I need (a lot of) money to start a business”…I just knew that I needed to keep walking. after all, I had succeeded on very little to nothing, as well as very little support from my outer world. in 2011, when I first came out of the Healing Elaine® closet, I ordered my business cards that just said “Elaine” on them; I had a stack for “Aryn Elaine” for my creative pursuits, a stack that said “Elaine” for my metaphysical/alternative medicine/healing pursuits, and a stack that said NYRA Productions™ for my entrepreneurship/business entity. it was also around this time that I was still working several jobs (I, at this point in 2011, had a retail job, part-time liquor/wine sales jobs, was in a rock band, and had my own consulting company gigs) that barely put the rent together. I wondered when things would ever get easier. I prayed every day. I practiced the art of surrender and being present, daily — not anything new, since I spent most of my early childhood exactly in that state of prayer. friends suggested that I aim lower in terms of lowering my standards for living — that I move out of Manhattan (where I KNEW I needed to be), in order to afford more. I refused — in my mind, I couldn’t understand why someone’s goal would be to regress versus level up — I simply needed to do better, and that is what I focused on…while living and being where I felt I needed to be. I continued to rent out my tiny space to kind strangers and share it with them and my animals. I continued to work several jobs. and volunteer. I just. kept. walking. and then, when I was finally internally ready to “launch” “Elaine” to the world, I found office space by bartering my consulting skills. there were times in which I literally could not afford a subway card, and I had to walk 70 blocks to my office to see patients. it was also again during this time, that I was late on rent one-too-many times, that my landlord had had it with me and continued to find ways to bring me into housing court. THIS is the time that my business exploded, because things could not get much more difficult for me, and so I surrendered fully to the notion that what lives within us can not be destroyed — and when we leap, the net will appear. the net, of course, being support, money, or whatever. so I leapt — in my heart, in my mind, and with no concept of needing “money”.

I continued all of the above, every day, like a solider. I also knew that building an ACTUAL client base (this was pre-instagram, thankfully, and no I would NEVER have “purchased” a company on such a platform anyhow) was crucial to moving along. I knew that actual human relationships are what build any business, and I needed them. so I kept doing it. I kept working. from the quality calls that came in off of my crappy free wordpress website with an ugly background that I did not even know how to change. I spent hours per day making sure that I was visible online. I left business cards all over Manhattan. I walked. I starved some days. I felt like a LOSER in housing court on those several occasions (for anyone who ever questions the history of my details I have endless embarrassing documents of proof) and just breathed through it as lawyers and judges literally shamed me in front of the courtroom. I knew what I had inside of me. and I knew that one day they would know it too.

so I was still broke. but after a time, I began to accrue a reputation – not so much online, but offline…the most important kind of solid reputation to build. I was developing a cool army of wonderful people who knew what I did and we cared about one another and our respective paths. and it just kept going from there.

what does a person need money for when starting a business? I mean, really? you don’t need money for an idea — that should be the whole point of giving birth to a business: it comes from within you. you don’t need money for space — you can barter your other skills for that space, or find a way to barter with your idea as it should be good enough or your reasons for bartering your idea should be good enough (where there is a will with integrity, there is ALWAYS a way). and you don’t need money for marketing — businesses are not built on marketing!!! sure, marketing GROWS a business, but if you start without a business, you are paying for the illusion of a business. and as you will witness in the near-future, [they] are most certainly not built on social media (a massive fallacy that is going to crumble). businesses are built on 1) ideas 2) thinking outside of the box when there are no resources — because again, resources are a smoke and mirror for the real work that needs to be done 3) success cases/testimonials. if you are selling a product, or you have an idea for a product like many friends of mine, then SELL THAT PRODUCT before you have it. yes, there is a way to do this. it’s called create one sample. ONE SAMPLE. i.e. one coffee mug. one healing session. one face mask serum. JUST ONE…and sell it to somebody. you can be living in your grandmother’s basement (hopefully not rent free — because the temptation to become lazy will be there!) and do this! you don’t need all of the outer-world “fixings” and illusions of “success” to do this. what is stopping you? an excuse, I tell you.

I have had close friends and acquaintances who are otherwise really intelligent people. they went to the ivies, or whatever. they are not the ones who have access to old money or any money (like so many of these “venture capital” firms started by 20 year olds out of xyz sexy University — that’s not necessarily called starting a company, that’s called calling up connections and potentially putting on a farce…and it happens…). and they are so full of excuses (bottom line: they are afraid – like any human would be, but at a certain point we must move beyond this and stop the fake complaining…such as when our difficulties finally and actually outweigh our fear!), it is amazing. I have said to them, “what would you do if you had that 10k? or that 100K?” and usually they have NOTHING to say that they could not ALREADY start that company with — with ZERO dollars.

I started Healing Elaine® during the hardest years of my life. spiritually, emotionally, and certainly tangibly — and perhaps that destruction is the best kind of “luck” that I could have had in launching an incredible business. and the truth is, I still struggle. when I began making what I call “grownup money” — i.e. I could pay the rent, help out friends and other small business and make donations to animal non-profits and such, I actually put EVERY SINGLE DOLLAR back into my business. to grow it. to protect it (with legal, clerical and logistical services). I never saved. I maxed out all of my credit cards. I have always accrued debt to keep the machine moving, and I did it all in the name of my purpose, my business, my “destiny”. I don’t regret any of it. the biggest investment that we can make is in ourselves yes, but also as well as the services of others who can help us grow. MY CURRENCY WAS AND IS MY SERVICE. I also invest a ton of money into every single session that I do now — because I want it to be the best experience possible. I don’t cut corners and I don’t worry about going broke and being homeless — that has already happened. I can always be broke, but I will never be poor. and there is nothing that is left to be taken from me in this world, literally or figuratively. so the one thing that can never be taken is my business. your business. because a business is not only an intangible at heart, an idea, a service, but a testimony to your path and destiny on this planet. even if you were to lose “it” all today or start from nothing tomorrow, your business would still be there. and you do not need money for that.

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new Healing Elaine® prerequisite for any and all services (including workshops, etc)

in 2003-2004 I discovered two important people. one of them is Dr. Caroline Myss, and the other author M. Scott Peck. during this period of my life, I had recently come out of my first official dark night of the soul. I was rendered homeless with my tiny cat and garbage bags of belongings as I borrowed time on a very kind acquaintance’s couch in Greenwich, CT. I write about the events surrounding this initial call to hear my own spirit, in my eBooklet 1. you can download it off of my website www.healingelaine.com/shop or under the shop tab if the link gives you trouble. as I regained my sense of self and stability after having it nefariously pursued over — and over — and over again by those who were supposed to love and support me, I found myself again diving deep into what I loved as a small child: reading.

in 2003-2004 I was a young person, with little corporate experience but a whole lot of life experience. I knew that although “other” was an interest of mine, that I had to be taken seriously before I stepped into my world purpose. this meant to me that I had to build an actual real world life for myself – which meant, I was interested in learning the actual mechanics of how people work versus escaping my body through my psyche to solve problems (i.e. fortune-telling, psychic readings, etc). I fantasized, during this time, about setting up my healing practice but I knew it was too soon. I have always been a grounded person (hi, I am a Capricorn with a Taurus Rising and an Aquarius Moon – can you tell?), but again my destiny is something that always seemed to negate “typical”. as I focused on building a career in corporate America to stabilize myself and navigate the “real world” (also so that later on, “normal” people could relate to me and me to them in this way), and move away from the chaos that had pursued and followed me my entire life, I came across the two amazing authors. I was able to meet Caroline at a book/CD signing in New York City one year. her work met me at an impasse in my life that changed the way I felt about myself, and everything around me — it connected to all that I already knew within me in a way that is hard to put into words, and I do share about this in another post dedicated to her. during this time I also encountered (for the life of me, I do not know how — I must have simply been reading a lot at this time, or really, really seeking) the work of M. Scott Peck. I read People of the Lie in 2004. I can’t say that I remember much about the book in terms of particulars in terms of reading it at THAT point in my life, because I was still largely unconscious at that time in my life, sorting through my trauma and being in my early 20s. what I can say, is that I held onto his books (all of which I still have), and that they made enough of an impression to process something, somewhere, in the back of my mind that connected dots to my own personal truth and understanding. in a nutshell: I resonate with both of the above authors and particularly Peck’s book People of the Lie.

I read this book again recently, for the first time since 2004, and it hit me like a ton of bricks: the content in this book, while not even remembering some of the stories in it from the first time I read it, matches much of my intrinsic compass and the way that I have unwittingly approached my work with others. as you may have read in other posts of mine, I never wanted to complete my psychology degree in college. for a variety of reasons. my entrance essay to both Boston University and Northeastern University, the only two schools I applied to and both of which I was accepted, was based on growing up surrounded by narcissism, depression, despair, addiction, abuse, and how it relates to the human condition — aka my hellish life experience until the glorious day when I was 18 and got to leave it all behind. I do not believe I was astute enough with my writing at that time to put all of those concepts and experiences in the same context that I would now. but I recall thinking “my grades are not that good, because since sophomore year I attended school as little as possible…I dropped all of my extra-curricular activities…maybe this essay is the only thing that will get me into these schools because someone reading it will connect to me”.

this book is a key ingredient to understanding human evil. the incredible paradox in which we currently reside, socially and otherwise on our planet, can be attributed in much depth to much of what this book discusses (and much of what my own personal writing discusses). in other words, we are confused creatures and we assign “evil” to certain ideas, labels, structures or personalities, when, in fact, it is MUCH more insidious than that.

my own personal understanding of evil, with which I have GREAT unfortunate experience, is simply: someone who lies to themselves. they are aware of the lies. they will die for the lies. they are 100% committed to the evil. the lies allow what is hidden, what is dark, to persist and corrode all that surrounds them. someone who lies to others but not to themselves (which is, let’s be honest, something we all do – we all lie, big or small, at some point and in different ways) can be free from evil. if we were not in the flesh, we could possibly be free from our lies. but we are not; we are incarnate physical beings. this, requires a level of personal honesty to be free from evil (darkness). I have always had an appreciation for those who, though perhaps I don’t care for personality-wise, are honest. this is because I always know what I am getting from them. it’s a clean feeling, even if there is a feeling of dislike or even a strong difference in beliefs. I can deal with that which I can see. I have always had an aversion — physically, and otherwise — to that which I can not see. this is evil manifest. and as the book People of the Lie points out, IT IS EVERYWHERE.

our collective moral compass is shot, but it’s an individual responsibility to change it. as we change, everything around us changes. we can blame the media, we can blame a celebrity, or we can blame our past — but if we lie to ourselves, we ARE the problem. the ability to stand alone in truth is something very few people are willing to do — because it is hard and lonely. you can be attacked, brutally, for it. many people lie to themselves. they cave to temptation. money-fame-attention: falsities. and they seem like good people. great people, even. they hide behind non-profit work. church. law. social spheres. but they can’t actually hide forever. because as more people awaken to their own core, this darkness is exposed.

I have written about and posted about my own ideas of evil. evil will never seek therapy, unless it is under the guise of proving something to someone else or manipulating the therapist himself. evil will never actually have a bottom line. evil serves to CONFUSE. have you ever felt confused by someone? as in, they are saying A, but why do you feel B? they are presenting “evidence”, which makes sense and seems to add up on the surface, but you feel otherwise? that is evil. and it runs deep. and it corrupts entire souls and human beings. I’m not being religious here, I am being scientific. but you can apply this notion to whatever context most pleases you. most of you don’t actually know what evil is, because you have been exposed to it SO OFTEN that you are confused. but the important part is how you deal with yourself, within yourself. that is the key. the redemption. THE FREEDOM. I wrote about this a bit here, on how we fail in life because we want to be liked.

with all of this said, in addition to the other two prerequisite books that I have requested anyone who inquires about working with me to read in advance, I now add a third: People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck. it is also highly suggested, if you want to work with me in some capacity, that you have been in traditional psychotherapy for at least one year. I don’t want to see people who go from ayahuasca ceremony to tea ceremony to yoga retreat to breathing retreat to meditation retreat one after the next after the next after the next, simply as a means to LEAVE THEIR BODY and never actually look at themselves. thankfully I do not attract those folks anyhow (they would likely be turned off simply by my writing, or my eyes and make some sort of projection). I have attracted a few in the past, particularly early on in my work, and they are never satisfied with what I have to say. because they can’t hear the truth. leaving your body is not truth. we do not meditate to lose ourselves (you might as well be a drug addict), we meditate to connect to ourselves. TO OUR PERSONAL TRUTH. this book is grounding, and I am a fan. the most successful cases I have had, whether consulting personally for an individual or for their business, includes those who are grounded enough to tether themselves to the psychological work realms; meaning, they are talented therapists themselves, or they are or have been actively in therapy (with a good, traditional CBT therapist — as you may note, there are really bad ones. and I’ve seen them on my journey), OR, they are simply open to therapy (aka facing the facts).

although my words are direct and may seem to resound with thunder at times, it is because of my deep passion for lending a hand to individual and collective human experience. I am just a human myself, imperfect and always learning, but I won’t ignore the fire within me that never dies. it is the fire that I was put here on earth to burn, and it supersedes all that is false. I trade off a lot to keep this fire burning. it is often a burden, but also, I believe, an incredible blessing to come.

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how and when I knew it was time to leave certain (platonic) relationships

photo by Anita Saini

I would like to first note that none of the examples that I share below are related, in any way, to my healing practice or anyone in / around it. the examples are from my strictly personal life. I hope they serve you in some way. in addition, as always, these are all MY WORDS. my experiences. not information I read or heard. everything that I write about, I have lived. and my words are my interpretations of such.

the law of physics states simply that two energies of different vibrations must match in order to stay in contact. this is more true than I could ever explain in words. I feel it all day. I’ve experienced it empirically. I write about it in nearly every single blog post, directly or indirectly. it is happening ALL OF THE TIME. to each and every one of us. it is just that we do not pay enough attention to it (much thanks to the unconscious mind, that wants to keep us trapped in the past, often in the safety of trauma that our ego adrenaline will not allow us to leave until things get bad enough).

everyone we speak with – engage with, in any way and on any level – impacts us and we impact them. the important question to ask is…how? when we begin to GROW, a funny thing happens in our relationships. we find that 1) we reside in more truth, and our relationships improve 2) we reside in more truth, and our relationships fall apart. another thing that happens, particularly when we are in our 20s, is that we do the opposite of grow – we REGRESS…this happens so that our unconscious mind may access and “fix” our trauma. we are rarely but sometimes successful in terms of escaping this — most people, sorry to say it, stay in regressed trauma forever. we regress, typically, through romantic partnerships. those are the sneakiest and strongest forms of glue to bond our mind cleverly to the past, and call it “love”. in actuality, we are working out things we do not actually want or need any longer. and so, in this way, we may find that 1) we reside in less truth, and our relationships fall apart 2) we reside in less truth, and the wrong relationships improve (taking us backward).

in 2011, I had just come out of the closet with my healing practice. I had little vistaprint cards that said “Elaine” on them, and a picture of a fairy. I was also blowing through trauma from the past, on my own, and doing a good job at it. I had attended alanon meetings for a time because I couldn’t afford therapy (no excuses — there is ALWAYS a resource for us and we do not necessarily need money for said resources — ask and ye shall find), and I was on a rigorous schedule of my own accord which included proper sleep (including a consistent bedtime), no TV, not too much social media, and daily exercise. I know, this may sound boring — but I wanted a life, and I knew that anchoring was the way to get there. I was juggling several jobs at the time, as I had been since I left corporate in 2006. I had my own consulting business, I worked part-time at a clothing store, and I was briefly in a band (I had abandoned my musical training in my early teens and I really missed it). I lived in a tiny east village apartment that I was always on the verge of getting kicked out of because I couldn’t afford it, and I had to learn how to train my mind differently — as in, learn that I was worth being paid, and also stop being afraid of my root essence (something that was robbed from me long, long ago). root essence is all things home, safety, and basic needs.

during this time, my then-bff came to NYC for a visit. although she made major money at a tech firm, she insisted on staying with me. she was always cutting corners with anything that would save her money, and she loved free shit. in retrospect, I wish I had told her “no” the dozen times she decided she would crash with me in my tiny studio versus pay for a hotel with the expense money her company gave to her. of course in hindsight, there are hundreds of things I wish I saw about her. one particular visit, I was in really hot water with my landlord. I was a couple of weeks late, and he had already shown up at my door asking for the rent. despite all of this, spiritually and emotionally and psychologically, I was doing better than ever. I was healthy on the inside, and hoping/waiting for the outside to match it. my bff invited me out to dinner with her other friend. since I knew her, I knew she would not be paying for me (despite inviting me, knowing my circumstances, AND having stayed in my apartment which inconvenienced me), but also that I could not afford it. I went anyhow, as I felt obligated. she knew my position, and simply looked the other way. again, at the time, I was USED to this selfish behavior because of my life experience, so I didn’t give it too much thought. at dinner, I remember feeling my own divine energy in a new way. I was not dating or in a relationship or in some idea of false power, so it was definitely mine. by the way, it is really important to note what is “yours” – if you are in a new relationship or have a new pay raise or promotion happening and you think THAT is your divine energy, that is a big mistake. that is called EXTERNAL validation and essentially, fake happiness. at any rate, I could feel more divine core during this period of my life like never before – despite the difficulty that I was having. I recall so vividly, the look of anger and discontent on her face during dinner. this would not be the last time that I would see this look — it would grow and grow, as my life and inner world each blossomed and grew and grew. after dinner, we took a walk around the city and I pet some horses that the police were riding downtown (this always really bothers me). after that night, I got a really odd email from my then-bff…

the email said that she was concerned for my mental health. because, simply, of how “different” I seemed at dinner, and how it was odd that I was petting the horses. it almost seemed like a joke, that email, which I have saved and downloaded to this day. in that moment, I knew: she was describing herself. but she didn’t know it. in the email, she said that her instinct was “to distance myself from you” — imagine that. my energy had changed so much for the better, that over a decade of friendship was on the line. as a side note, if I were to even BEGIN to list the 100 things about this individual that I now can not believe I overlooked, you might fall over. at any rate, I responded to the email and passed it off without any drama. shortly after that time, I find out that this once seeming straight-laced person is blowing coke every weekend (never an interest of mine) – because she told me so. I also find out, because she told me so, that she was sleeping with her married boss whose wife was pregnant with their third child. all of this, like it was no big deal. yet she was concerned about MY well-being, and how that reflected upon “HER”…

I had overlooked much of this type of behavior of hers, for many years in fact, until I couldn’t overlook it any longer. all the while, every criticism that she had of me, was actually of herself. and the tipping point came when I ACTUALLY became even healthier. it was staggering to me, how much an energy shift and a shift in consciousness will just absolutely not allow you to even live in the same state as someone. be on the phone with them. converse with them in any way. I was doing the inner work, and it showed. it actually began showing up in my relationships — and, the best part was, that I understood it. and so I allowed whatever needed to fall apart, to fall apart. the reasons that I had overlooked much of her behavior up until that point were really basic ones: she appeared really together, she had a high profile job, we had been friends for a really long time, and it felt like family. she was the things that I was taught to value — how people SEEMED, versus who they actually WERE. I had yet to fully address the actual meaning of that word: family. what I knew was, it didn’t include being treated poorly.

as I grew and became stronger, she became worse and worse. all the while, maintaining her fake, “together” appearance. the pinnacle came when anyone and everyone who was like her — intrinsically — I walked away from…and they all got together to talk. LOL! this is how strong the notion of vibration is, folks. all that matches will bond together and not even truly know why…all that does not match will be ripped apart, and the surface reasons will not even make sense at the time. that is how it felt with my former bff. the fact is, you will be attacked for your light when those around you [intrinsically] lack it. that is your cue to keep moving, with grace.

another example that I would like to share was perhaps even more difficult to figure out, in contrast to a more blatant experience such as I had with the former bff. this example is with a therapist I saw for 2 years. now, those of you reading this who work in mental health (thank you, thank you by the way to those of you who I have never even met for the referrals of other therapists who you have sent my way or inadvertently sent my way by telling them about me) know that a large percentage of “therapists” go into the practice because they are mentally unwell themselves. I’ve seen it many, many times. they think that their intelligence is so grand that it can bypass their own unconscious — it can not. they think that by helping others, they are fixing themselves — they can not, it does not work that way. many therapists, though intellectually intelligent, remain damaged; as they continue to use intellect to bypass deep, deep unconscious experiences that have not even begun to surface — because they are blocked by the intellectual commitment to fix others instead. that said, I was REALLY nervous about finding the right therapist. I hopped around for ages from early 20s on, and never ever was consistent in therapy — because I found that most of them were NUTS. I felt rather hopeless about finding anyone who not only could help me, but who knew something that I did not already know. and who was not certifiably crazy. I was often 10 steps ahead of each person I saw, and some of them ended up sort of asking me for advice – I would walk away knowing that I had opened something in THEM, and scared to find out that MY person (therapist) didn’t exist. at any rate, I found someone I thought could work. because I did not find them to be crazy, and they had many years of experience, I settled in. I could never, however, set a SPECIFIC or consistent day and time each week — I always had to call to schedule the next session. that, in and of itself, is a sign that some part of the equation did not fully work. because, commitment IS commitment, period. I couldn’t fully commit. but, I committed to the best of my knowing at that time and I DID commit to my own internal process. I went nearly weekly anyhow. in the very first session, I could tell that this person didn’t fully have me sized up, because of the questions they were asking me. I also felt they had to really state their power or boundaries, which told me that they felt threatened by me in some way. but, at the same time, I knew they had knowledge to share, so I stayed. for 2 years. I appreciate the time that I had with this person. but, there came a time when I had to go…and, just like the above example I shared with my former bff, that time came when I GREW…

I went through a terrible time in the outer world as it relates to my business and theft/censorship. that is a whole other enchilada. ironically, I entered therapy with this person right before it ALL began…and I left, right as it all began to reveal itself. as the facts surrounding my outer world tangible problems began to reveal, and I didn’t actually know they were revealing in the way that they would, I felt again that power inside of me bubbling up (heavily contrasting the outer world struggle). something in me had awoken further, and I can’t for the sake of time adequately explain what that felt like in writing. perhaps that is another post for me to write. what I knew, is that I WAS CLOSER TO TRUTH – period. and as this was happening, my then-therapist mentioned to me that she was “concerned about me”…hmmm…the irony here, is that it was only THIS WEEK in 2019 that I connected the dots in relationship to what my former bff had said to me about a decade ago as I was growing spiritually and emotionally…that she was “concerned” about me…and I see a much larger pattern now, with perhaps everyone in my life who had outgrown their purpose.

I was really caught off guard with my then-therapist because of her words, but I had also resolved (prior to entering therapy) to accept that I might actually never find someone who could see my big-picture. I was ok with it, I had surrendered to being lonely in that way. I was grateful for whatever insights she had and although knowledge is NOT experience, at least it is knowledge that I didn’t have to go online for, and I could share a banter about it with an actual person. during this time, literally everything had been stripped away from me (again – I recognize my life is not normal, but I know that it is relative to my purpose hence me writing here, for you) and I couldn’t afford to see her. when I say I couldn’t afford to see her, I am not saying it in the way that people throw that around when they have an ACTUAL savings and a line of credit (which boils my blood, my the way, because those statements about “not having money” are about CONTROL, about EGO, not fact)…I actually couldn’t afford a cab downtown because there was no credit for it anyway. when I get bottomed out like that — and by the way many people do get bottomed out like that and go on to write best-sellers or have amazing businesses so I do not consider it a “failure” in life — I know the people in my life are probably going to change as well. and, if I don’t see it at the time, I see it later and understand why. I went for a couple more sessions while I internally felt better than ever, but externally witnessed my life falling apart again. she looked at me strangely and brought up odd topics like politics…which informed me of her own trauma and relationship to my GROWTH. there I was again, growing…and it was causing someone to be “concerned” for me…and the Universe decided for me that it was time to go. a few months later, I knew that the right thing had happened — I was supposed to move forward now. I had outgrown that therapist. I would also like to note that I now have the therapist of my absolute dreams. it’s like “the” relationship of your life — when you know, you know. I knew on day one, that he was “the one”. I suppose this is how all important life decisions are supposed to go as they relate to people. we always know on day one, whether we admit that to ourselves or not.

evolving and truly growing feels like the land of Oz. when you grow to a point in which you actually give birth to a new energy inside of you, because you have been doing the work, you will outgrow many people. it does not, of course, make those people bad. but it lets you know that they are part of your old reality. this can feel extremely trippy. it can almost feel as though one is having a psychotic break, if you can imagine what that might feel like. the reason that people have such a hard time with the people around them growing and moving into TRUTH, is that they do not have the proper tethering to stay together when truth is presented — either in fact, or intrinsically in another person such as I was presenting to both my former bff and my then-therapist. it actually caused them to feel untethered, and their go-to was to deflect (without knowing it, of course), and be concerned about ME. they were concerned for themselves.

there is no end to how many layers we each have, and how much we can grow. when we spend time with others, we MUST match them on some level. when we no longer match them, the Universe simply separates the two forces like oil and water. it finds all kinds of ways to do so. the art of allowing will carry you through, as this occurs. those who do not want to change, and who do not want to see the truth, will find ways to attack you — not because they want to hurt you, but because they are so afraid of seeing “what is”. this translates to the entire debacle we are now seeing with big tech, and let me tell you that we are just at the tip of the iceberg that will melt and melt and melt…while people meltDOWN, over it. I have always wondered what the “big event” would be in this world, to finally land or bridge people on the “same page” (meaning TRUTH)…would it be aliens landing that everyone could see at the same time? would it be a big news scandal that was too mainstream to miss? well, whatever “it” is, is well on its way. and I continue to do my best to remain understanding of how and why people can not see truth. it is not because they don’t want to, but rather if they untether something in their unconscious mind, they mind literally lose it. and I believe that the powers that be upstairs, know this. that is why we are not all on the same page at the same time. for whatever that is worth to you.

when your relationships start to shift and change, ask yourself: 1) am I growing 2) am I around someone who is actually negatively impacting me, but I just can’t see it because it is in my house of trauma 3) what are my internal versus external particulars … answering those questions soundly will assist you. the only “wrong” way to do things, is to go against our SELF in some way in this life. that is when we pay the ultimate price. so, if you are doing things to the best of your ability and not lying to yourself, take a deep breath, let it out, and let go of worrying about whether or not you are on the right track. everything that needs to follow, in the sphere of people and relationships, will.

*as always, please revisit the link to this article — I often do not edit my first draft before publishing (yes, there are reasons). I often edit a day or two later at which point reading this a second time may make more sense anyhow.

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the Dalai Lama, women’s looks, and the foolery of the human ego & body

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

inspired by ignorant trolling.

dear entire population of planet earth,

it is possible to be out-of-this-world intelligent, spiritual, talented, powerful, authoritative, authentic, unique, successful, AND…physically beautiful.

don’t get it? it’s ok. I did not get it either at one point.

for reference to my very personal experience and perspective on looks/aesthetics and all physical bodied things that the media manipulates us with, please refer to my in depth (and free — not all of them are anymore) article here.

challenges inspire me. ignorances inspires me. pains inspires me.

I have always been a deep person. MEANING, I have always, always weighed the core of a person first, versus their external appearance. however, like most human beings, I was brainwashed to believe that an individual (for the sake of this article and relative to the Dalai Lama comment, I will speak about “women” — so, whatever that means to YOU) — a woman — had to choose: am I smart, or am I beautiful?

clearly we all understand, to a degree, that advertising and the grand social and human (tech) experiment that we are all under is to thank for early life confusion around inner versus outer as it relates to our human experience. thankfully, I did NOT grow up with social media. I didn’t even have a cell phone in high school. so, with that said, I feel like I am between two generations in terms of HOW a person builds their identity, relative to our current/modern day world as it relates to societal messaging. so when I was young, many “moms” still stayed at home. while I can not speak for anyone else’s personal experience, I will say that my own (feel free to refer to any other blog post that will further inform you about my background) experience dictated brain VERSUS looks — brain OR looks — when it came to a “woman”. in conjunction with that, I was a surrogate wife for a male caretaker from a very young age, and I was told that although my female caretaker was “beautiful”, that she wasn’t smart. but that I WAS.

when I was 8, my head was shaved. I write about this in my other article. if you have any sort of a psych background, you can guess as to why that was mandated. the entire night before the big event (which, by the way, I HAVE COMPLETELY BLACKED OUT – I CAN NOT REMEMBER AND I WANT TO), I do remember crying myself to sleep. it wasn’t much different from any other night for me, except I felt that I was about to lose my identity. I did NOT want my shoulder length locks chopped. and, they were shaven. all the kids at school tortured me about it, and the “cut” happened twice. it was a buzz cut. everyone thought I was a boy. which, had I felt like a boy, would have been fine. but I didn’t feel like a boy.

as I grew up, and grew beyond having my essence and identity stripped in THAT way (among many others), I was constantly reminded of how smart I was (alternating in between beatings and punishments, for reasons I still can not recall). smart was all I had. “doing well” and making others happy was all I had. if I did not have that, and I was “beautiful”, then I would be forsaken. tossed aside. plus, I saw how fast “beauty” could disappear — with only a number 5 razor cutter! I HAD TO SHOW MY INTELLIGENCE! I did it, before age 15 when I quit everything, through sports music and academics. I constantly won awards. by the time I was a teenager, “things” started to catch up with me. I had little energy. I felt sick all of the time, more so than the regular feelings of fatigue and sickness as a child (I used to randomly vomit in the middle of the night, awoken that way straight out of my sleep). so I quit symphonic orchestra as a lead flautist. I quit the Varsity tennis team I made as a freshman, upon my sophomore year. I quit piano (I was classically trained and played by ear, and wrote my own music and lyrics). I stopped attending classes (I was voted “least likely to be seen”). when I was in school, I took long naps in the nurse’s office and needed notes for missed classes. I often slept through my first couple of classes despite drinking coffee. so, I sort of…”lost” all that I was praised for. and, I still just didn’t GET the looks thing…

as I “blossomed”, if you can call it that, I received male attention. quite frankly, I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t date or sleep around. I had a serious monogamous relationship for 3 years as my first relationship. but I embraced myself as “an attractive woman”. though, I could never fully “let go”. although many of my outfits were from a Britney Spears catalog circa 1999, and because well how fun was clubbing in the 90s and early 2000s before social media!?, I still needed to be “smart”. part of my way of managing that was to not date around or sleep around, even after my first break up. I can’t say that I regret it one way or another, what I “did not”, do. but I know that I was terrified of being judged for being beautiful. now, how to get around that judgement?

during my junior year in high school, one of my caretaker’s took my sister to a modeling casting call. I went along to support it. while there, the director of the agency gave me her card. I was one out of thousands in the long line wrapped around Time’s Square. I called her, I met her, she offered to work with me and pay me for a weekly gig (weekly runway shows at a restaurant for lunch), and I never went back. I turned down dozens of these sorts of opportunities in my teens and twenties. although it would have been perfectly acceptable for me to enjoy my “looks”, I could not bring myself to focus on that. one, because of my past. and two, because I wanted to show the world that the body we carry is NOT who we are. to this day, THAT is my mission. and, I am still working on the former. I am working on further embracing the silly “physical” package that we all place so much importance on. it fascinates me.

so when a troll (I do not open private messages on social media platforms, though I have sent them on rare occasion) online recently suggested that do not have a right to post “Vogue” photos of myself while being spiritual at the same time, I was…inspired.

if you read my post on the Kardashians here, you will understand what I think of a human body. it’s…just a human body. but we all know…that that is not how we FEEL. the human body does all kinds of things, because: procreation. obviously. and so we go in and out of ego, constantly. therein lying the IRONY I will present to this world.

when I started Healing Elaine®, I hid behind a middle name and NO PHOTO. for several years. to be perfectly clear, early on, I was TERRIFIED of anyone knowing what I looked like. why is that? partly because of all of the above — I know how people judge people. but also, because well, I did too, just a teeny bit. I judged mySELF. I still didn’t see how a woman could be beautiful AND spiritual. beautiful AND intelligent. because of all of the things that I mention above.

I no longer reside in the above space, mentally. one of the reasons that my protocol states I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU BEFORE I MEET YOU, it is because I am alive — which means I have ego, in order to actually physically STAY alive. which comes from experience. which translates to “logic”. I don’t want any logic for my sessions, that’s not how “it” works anyhow. so the more being, and the less human I can be, the best. and no longer residing in a space of confusion about whether I am “allowed” to be physically “beautiful” by society’s crazy standards and instructions, I am “out of the closet” in this way. I am not hiding. in fact, I am FULLY embracing all of me — body, mind and spirit. do you know what that really means?

it means breaking barriers. lots of people talk about folks like Marilyn Monroe being “feminist” figures — now no offense Ms. Norma Jean, the only things I have heard about you are that you slept around with other people’s men and were a Hollywood “sex symbol”. clearly, you were much more than that – we are not our physical. and while I place no judgement, I SAY, you were not known for your mind. so, how could we (society) ever combine both? many famous women “got there” because they got naked. this was also my greatest desire to NOT lead with — my appearance. the reason being, not that I thought it wrong — I do not find Marilyn Monroe to be wrong, I do not find stripping to be wrong, and I do not find anything that a “woman” wants to do with her body or how she wants to present it to be wrong. nope, not even one tinge of a bit. but for ME, for MY PURPOSE, I knew that I could not lead with that. and obviously, I never wanted to lead with it anyhow. and that, I knew, was important, because PEOPLE WOULD NOT GET IT. so I built an entire business first, which focuses solely on the intangible. the part that MATTERS in our human circus game of life. the part we overlook. the only part that matters. and I built it well. it spans all countries, all religions, all backgrounds, and of course hence, “looks”. the best part for me, for my heart, is that all of these people, the people I have worked with, knew me before they “saw” me. that feels like heaven to a girl like me, who just wanted to be SEEN as a small child — and not for her looks.

the Dalai Lama was once asked, “if you could reincarnate as anything or anyone, what and who would it be?” – he answered, “a beautiful woman. because then everyone would listen to me”. I will let you ponder that quote on your own.

my point is, I am just now real-time old enough to “know a lot” – yet still young enough to be “relevant” (thanks, mainstream media and beauty industry) because of how I look physically. I will take advantage of both of those things at the same time. I will not feel guilty about it. I know that one of those things isn’t real. and as I do not hold back, hopefully I set a new standard for how the world relates to tangible and intangible “beauty”.

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Greece, now

photo by Anita Saini

nothing like the last minute! end of season is the best season.

however, nearly every session happens days after I connect with someone. every workshop and retreat has been the same. the reason is one that many will not understand, but perhaps will relate to in the sense of a weather pattern (within the context of energy)…where we are at today, will not be where we are at tomorrow or next week. making plans is great, but…when we shift and grow quickly so does our (physical) reality. don’t understand what this means? consider a “psychic” reading, and assuming you believe in them…when someone says “I can’t predict time, but I can see the event”, it is because the tides and winds of our lives are constantly changing (based on our inner world, and choices – the slightest light-bulb moment, realization or shift will create the biggest change). so, from my vantage point in terms of planning and booking things, two things occur: 1) I feel, carry, and manage the entire weight of the energy I am connected to (and everything connected to IT), and doing that beyond a week or so until we meet on the physical plane can be quite the feat  2) I am a FAST changer, personally — as I blow through lessons in my personal life, on all levels — the slightest shift in me creates the biggest change in terms of what my life looks like: therefore schedule — who, where, what, and when. is this cryptic for you? if not, then you are either a former patient, or you already really “get” my work.

with all of that said…there are two definitive parts of Greece (which is a retreat – we simply work there not “here”): 1) a solo journey with me for 5 days, or 2) a more-than-one-person journey with me and another person(s) for 5 days. that will encompass two different fees (commensurate with my standard session fees; and, I no longer make concessions or considerations around not honoring my worth by attempting to trim time or cost — thank you to my incredible therapist for helping me to see the necessity of this quotient even more clearly) depending upon which. you may inquire at 917.985.1221 by leaving a voicemail and your first name. do not email me if you have emailed me in the past – I no longer use that email.

see you there or here, or out there now or later!

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Sharon’s video testimonial for Healing Elaine®

I am so grateful to get to work with people of such inner-caliber. working with Sharon was a treasure, and I really appreciate her video testimonial. I haven’t posted every Healing Elaine® video out there to my blog, so feel free to visit my YouTube channel and subscribe for updates there. in addition, the subscription box for my blog is back on the home page of this here website, if you would like to subscribe to blog updates.

every session or otherwise Healing Elaine® related experience is different (including my TEM® and PE™ offerings), and everyone processes them differently, but the bottom line is resounding gut level connectivity – for both/all parties. I believe that there is someone for everyone. so, even if you never see me, perhaps some of my videos will open you to the thought that you have someone out there who you can and will connect to and who will perhaps open a window in your mind’s eye. we never walk this journey alone, even if the other people walking alongside us we will never meet; we are still walking beside many people who think and feel as we do. and it may help to know just that as you go about your day/week/life.

FRIENDLY DISCLAIMER: Healing Elaine® / Elaine is a Reiki Practitioner and Ordained Minister, but is not a physician, dietitian, nutritionist, or psychotherapist. Her advice, workshops, written content, and healing sessions are considered supplementary in nature and should not be a replacement for conventional medicine or psychiatric care. Please consult your physician or other licensed healthcare professional for any physical or psychological ailments you may be suffering or think you may have. By attending any seminar, class or session provided by Healing Elaine® / Elaine, you acknowledge that in no event will (Healing Elaine® / Elaine) be liable in any way directly or indirectly for damages resulting from information, data, classes or healing sessions provided or for the loss of profits through the use or misuse of said information and data, either via its use, negligence or other actions.

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why pedophiles molest, the recent headline news of such, and my own experience

photo by Pia Oyarzun for Forbes Magazine

while much of what I write about IS in fact heavy, or could be considered to be heavy by some, I avoid sensationalized topics/events/politics for a whole variety of reasons. that said, when I feel pulled from my core (not my mind) to write on something that comes close to what may serve as to some peace of mind for others, I write it. for example, I have a post about Hollywood that I wrote pre-HW (I don’t even like to write out their names) explosion, and right now that post is private. I am working on monetizing certain posts, because I give away SO much in my blog and certain posts should simply be monetized.

this morning, after meditating and gaging the so-called energy of the day, I opened my twitter account (I really avoid the news, in general, for the very good reason that I do not want it setting the tone for my day and a lot of it is pure garbage anyhow). the first thing I noticed was the interview and energy of one young woman named Jennifer. and for starters before I go into that, while I find particular movements to be valuable, I am also acutely aware of the fact that there are many people who take advantage of them. by lying. for MANY different reasons, too. blanket statements and movements are difficult in this way, and I prefer to look at EVERYTHING and everyone in life on a case by case basis. a person is different than a concept or an idea. they are an individual, made like no one else on this planet. it is important to see every person, and every situation, as totally unique. so when I saw Jennifer speaking to a news correspondent about her ordeal with JE (again, not interested in giving the vibration of this person’s name a platform here, but if you do watch the news and even if you do not, you can google it), I could almost feel the entire sequence of events that she went through. I don’t always feel that way, because there have been too many other people who LIE. on national television. to the world. because they are shameless and politically-driven. sometimes bought and paid for. obviously. anyway…

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when the student knows more than the teacher, taker energy, and borrowed essences

photo by Anita Saini

there are many reasons I keep writing about the nuances of one main subject / notion / statement / principle: know what is yours, and what is not yours. the reasons are 1) personal experience – hey, I didn’t ask for it, but it is what it is 2) the incredible resonance it has for 90%+ of my former patients 3) the fact that literally someone in another time zone or country will book a session with me based on ONE blog entry alone. that’s sort of a big deal, in that what I am writing is reaching people. I don’t need for what I am writing to reach everyone, that part is not up to me. and, thankfully, I don’t care about who doesn’t connect to what I write. what I write is for those who connect to it versus oppose, criticize, or attempt to critically think about it (a-hem, I’ve done that part already). early on, I was afraid that my posts would only make sense to some people. and then, when I noticed that people were connected to the point of blind intuition and barely any logic, taking huge leaps of faith and making huge investments to work together, it occurred to me that my being in my own energy and just being exactly who I am without trying to match some nonexistent niche was everything I’ve ever needed to be. fyi, if you are reading this and want to know “how” to grow your company, I say this: find out who you are first. find out what you stand for. find your message. without any of that, and I mean it — you need all of it — there is nothing. just fluff. just like a ton of what we see floating around in the land of bought and paid for instagram followings etc. do you want to be a person with a million followers who can not sell 10 t-shirts?

the thing about authenticity (and it amazes me how many people use that word — I really don’t like using that word, it’s sort of like the word “narcissist” — totally over-saturated, and usually used by people who are themselves either totally inauthentic or narcissistic) is that it can not be taught. it can not be gleaned. it represents a person who just…IS. how can you teach someone to be who they are? you can not. they either are, or they are not. and it can become glaringly obvious, if you know what to look for. this is important, because it will allow you to spot — regardless of your business/trade/social life — taker energy. taker energy is the bane of this post, and yes that is something that can be taught to spot. it took me years. I’m still learning, even with my off the wall intuition. I will explain why, and how I teach people in sessions about how to look at the human condition pertaining to both psychology and energy. some of it will be vague, because of the incredible number of people who have used my concepts and tried to regurgitate them either in their own blogs or “teachings”, and because they only read about my concepts versus actually lived them, the information gets taken out of context. we can not match something unless we actually match it — reading or digesting information is not equivalent to actual experience. and it is the vibration of EXPERIENCE that allows me to vet who and when for my work.

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no one “important” is “off-limits”, if it’s really right to connect with them

photo by Anita Saini

there is this unspoken (or, spoken?) myth that the most “important” or “successful” people are impossible to reach, and therefore probably not worth trying to reach.

the thing is, “important” or “successful” people have gatekeepers yes, and protocol yes, but when something is aligned, you would be surprised as to who might respond to you…if you do it the “right” way. and also if you are not unhinged in some way, or a stalker – very important.

how do we know when it is “right” to try and connect with someone who we may otherwise consider “too important” to want to give us the time of day? first of all, intention. what is your true intention for reaching out to person X? how do they relate to you or vice versa? what is your common denominator? what’s potentially in it for them, for you to reach out? you don’t need a tangible token to offer, per se, but you should have more than one thing in common. in order to clarify intention, we have to ask ourselves: “if this person had nothing to offer me, would I still want to connect?” – if the answer is yes, then you likely share something in common with them, beyond what the eye can see. if this is the case, your natural draw to them will supersede logistical bs (accolades, on-paper achievement, etc). the other thing is, very successful people are also very intuitive – despite what you may think about that. some of the top C-suites I’ve worked with have an eye for talent or intention in a way that totally rivals mine! in fact, I’ve been in the presence of such people who have more years on the planet than I do, and have sized someone up in seconds right in front of me — whereas it took me much longer. that said, that super important or successful person you want to connect with will have a natural radar to spot your intention — this is good news if you know what your intention is, if you can state what it is, and if that intention actually aligns to theirs. if it doesn’t, and you try to connect with them, perhaps it will align with them at another time. it doesn’t really matter though, because if your intention is clean then it will guide you regardless – and maybe you will find out that person is not a match to YOU.

the next part of knowing “when” to reach out, is the actual…WHEN. pairing alongside intention is timing. you have to look at yourself like a piece of fruit. when will you be the most ripe, according to your intention for reaching out to someone? for example. a year ago, I knew that certain parts (interests of mine) of me would ripen around Summer 2019 (now). although there were a number of people I really wanted to connect with a year ago (the people who might be too important or successful to want to talk to me), and my intention was on point, it wasn’t the right time. so I waited.

if we can lock down our intention and our timing, the only other thing to consider is whether or not the people we are looking to connect with require a certain protocol. this requires RESEARCH. now, not everyone’s protocol is readily obvious…but, we should do our diligence to understand whether or not it IS readily obvious. for example, go to their website. see if they are open to connecting with people, but if there is a particular “how” that they prefer. for example, I definitely have a how. after you do this, follow the protocol. if they do not have a protocol, then there is judgement that can be used as to how to connect via social media. perhaps sending person A a DM on twitter or instagram is a terrible idea, whereas it may actually work (I haven’t really heard of this though) for someone else like person B, IF your intention and timing are a true match to you (and them). other platforms like Linkedin are a solid potential, and I often do reach out to people in this manner. it gives them the opportunity to either wait, or politely decline an invitation or message without either party feeling offended. after all, it’s business…not personal.

finally, don’t be afraid to break the rules — I’ve had so many people get through to me at really random, but totally synchronistic times, even when I have called off certain work for a time. I’ve broken my rules on occasion because the person followed all of the other rules of mine, was totally conscientious, and it was just “right”. don’t be afraid, either, of being rejected…I get rejected all of the time. it is part of life. not everyone will like you or understand you — but it’s not personal. it’s just the mosaic of this very grey world we live in. keep trying. don’t get salty or bitter over it. breaking the rules — within reason and with enough honor — has afforded me opportunity I would never have otherwise gotten.

when I was young and wanted to be on a tv show, I didn’t know what the rules were for headshots and resumes. I also had no resume. I had a headshot that was totally not the industry standard, but I sent it to this one casting office anyhow — about once a month. for like a year! just my photo. two years later, I took a class with that casting director. upon entering the class, this person stopped talking to everyone who had shown up for the class and looked at me and then said “how do I know you!!??” — well…long story short, I was cast in my first network tv show and it was a highlight of my year (and my life). had I thought too much about doing things perfectly, or the fact that casting might laugh at my photo with hearts and stars stickers all over it sans resume, I might never have landed that tv show. thanks, Bob!

my concluding point here is that when we honor ourselves to the best of our ability and take risks, dreams can happen. if you don’t do it, someone else will. and you will watch someone else living out one of your (many – we all have many whether we recognize them or not, as recognizing them alone takes actual courage) dreams. today I am taking some chances with people who I think are maybe too important or successful to want to hear from me, because maybe I can’t offer them what they need or want right now. but you never know…it’s worked for me before. I recommend you try the same today!

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