I am so grateful to get to work with people of such inner-caliber. working with Sharon was a treasure, and I really appreciate her video testimonial. I haven’t posted every Healing Elaine® video out there to my blog, so feel free to visit my YouTube channel and subscribe for updates there. in addition, the subscription box for my blog is back on the home page of this here website, if you would like to subscribe to blog updates.
every session or otherwise Healing Elaine® related experience is different (including my TEM® and PE™ offerings), and everyone processes them differently, but the bottom line is resounding gut level connectivity – for both/all parties. I believe that there is someone for everyone. so, even if you never see me, perhaps some of my videos will open you to the thought that you have someone out there who you can and will connect to and who will perhaps open a window in your mind’s eye. we never walk this journey alone, even if the other people walking alongside us we will never meet; we are still walking beside many people who think and feel as we do. and it may help to know just that as you go about your day/week/life.
FRIENDLY DISCLAIMER: Healing Elaine® / Elaine is a Reiki Practitioner and Ordained Minister, but is not a physician, dietitian, nutritionist, or psychotherapist. Her advice, workshops, written content, and healing sessions are considered supplementary in nature and should not be a replacement for conventional medicine or psychiatric care. Please consult your physician or other licensed healthcare professional for any physical or psychological ailments you may be suffering or think you may have. By attending any seminar, class or session provided by Healing Elaine® / Elaine, you acknowledge that in no event will (Healing Elaine® / Elaine) be liable in any way directly or indirectly for damages resulting from information, data, classes or healing sessions provided or for the loss of profits through the use or misuse of said information and data, either via its use, negligence or other actions.
while much of what I write about IS in fact heavy, or could be considered to be heavy by some, I avoid sensationalized topics/events/politics for a whole variety of reasons. that said, when I feel pulled from my core (not my mind) to write on something that comes close to what may serve as to some peace of mind for others, I write it. for example, I have a post about Hollywood that I wrote pre-HW (I don’t even like to write out their names) explosion, and right now that post is private. I am working on monetizing certain posts, because I give away SO much in my blog and certain posts should simply be monetized.
this morning, after meditating and gaging the so-called energy of the day, I opened my twitter account (I really avoid the news, in general, for the very good reason that I do not want it setting the tone for my day and a lot of it is pure garbage anyhow). the first thing I noticed was the interview and energy of one young woman named Jennifer. and for starters before I go into that, while I find particular movements to be valuable, I am also acutely aware of the fact that there are many people who take advantage of them. by lying. for MANY different reasons, too. blanket statements and movements are difficult in this way, and I prefer to look at EVERYTHING and everyone in life on a case by case basis. a person is different than a concept or an idea. they are an individual, made like no one else on this planet. it is important to see every person, and every situation, as totally unique. so when I saw Jennifer speaking to a news correspondent about her ordeal with JE (again, not interested in giving the vibration of this person’s name a platform here, but if you do watch the news and even if you do not, you can google it), I could almost feel the entire sequence of events that she went through. I don’t always feel that way, because there have been too many other people who LIE. on national television. to the world. because they are shameless and politically-driven. sometimes bought and paid for. obviously. anyway…
there are many reasons I keep writing about the nuances of one main subject / notion / statement / principle: know what is yours, and what is not yours. the reasons are 1) personal experience – hey, I didn’t ask for it, but it is what it is 2) the incredible resonance it has for 90%+ of my former patients 3) the fact that literally someone in another time zone or country will book a session with me based on ONE blog entry alone. that’s sort of a big deal, in that what I am writing is reaching people. I don’t need for what I am writing to reach everyone, that part is not up to me. and, thankfully, I don’t care about who doesn’t connect to what I write. what I write is for those who connect to it versus oppose, criticize, or attempt to critically think about it (a-hem, I’ve done that part already). early on, I was afraid that my posts would only make sense to some people. and then, when I noticed that people were connected to the point of blind intuition and barely any logic, taking huge leaps of faith and making huge investments to work together, it occurred to me that my being in my own energy and just being exactly who I am without trying to match some nonexistent niche was everything I’ve ever needed to be. fyi, if you are reading this and want to know “how” to grow your company, I say this: find out who you are first. find out what you stand for. find your message. without any of that, and I mean it — you need all of it — there is nothing. just fluff. just like a ton of what we see floating around in the land of bought and paid for instagram followings etc. do you want to be a person with a million followers who can not sell 10 t-shirts?
the thing about authenticity (and it amazes me how many people use that word — I really don’t like using that word, it’s sort of like the word “narcissist” — totally over-saturated, and usually used by people who are themselves either totally inauthentic or narcissistic) is that it can not be taught. it can not be gleaned. it represents a person who just…IS. how can you teach someone to be who they are? you can not. they either are, or they are not. and it can become glaringly obvious, if you know what to look for. this is important, because it will allow you to spot — regardless of your business/trade/social life — taker energy. taker energy is the bane of this post, and yes that is something that can be taught to spot. it took me years. I’m still learning, even with my off the wall intuition. I will explain why, and how I teach people in sessions about how to look at the human condition pertaining to both psychology and energy. some of it will be vague, because of the incredible number of people who have used my concepts and tried to regurgitate them either in their own blogs or “teachings”, and because they only read about my concepts versus actually lived them, the information gets taken out of context. we can not match something unless we actually match it — reading or digesting information is not equivalent to actual experience. and it is the vibration of EXPERIENCE that allows me to vet who and when for my work.
all humans lie at one point or many in their lifetimes. lying can keep people alive in dangerous situations. it can also create illness (I’m sure you know the very true quote, “we’re only as sick as our secrets”), chaos, and very bad karma — not just for the person lying, but for the person being lied to…
I’m going to talk more so about the importance of understanding when you are being lied to, so that you do not take on the karma of the person lying or of the lie itself. because believe me when I say this: WE BECOME WHO WE SPEND TIME WITH. WE BECOME WHO WE TALK TO. WE BECOME WHATEVER WE EXPOSE OURSELVES TO.
both personally and collectively I am recognizing years or lifetimes of patterning within the human self, obliterating.
it is a beautiful time for many of us right now. keep in mind that the word and notion “beautiful” is up for grabs in terms of how you want to interpret it. for example, if you are sincerely detached from the material world (as in, maybe you enjoy it, even strive for it in different ways, or cultivate it daily, yet it does not define your happiness), the ability to focus within is greater – it is only within this space that we can notice inner alignment and growth. when we are distracted by things that don’t matter (mostly the fleeting, material world), we are put at a disadvantage because this distraction busies the mind in a thwarting fashion. often, when we are distracted by things that don’t matter, we will 1) lose everything material 2) go through a personal dark night — in order to tune us into our inner world. it is within that world that we can actually and accurately hear and see ourselves — as well as our progress, or lack thereof.
by “progress”, I mean simply that we are here as individuals to progress. if we are not progressing, we are dying; we have either become distracted by things that do not matter, halting our growth, or we have refused growth. we are not here to regress, but to progress. this is INTERNAL. it is intrinsic to being a live human being — the higher self’s desire for progress. of course the word is relative. in theory of relativity there is NO comparison to the outer world, or the perceived outer world of another person’s life. and this past week, I noted progress – both within myself, and shared with me by many others.
this particular progress that I’ve witnessed and noted within myself is years of a specific pattern of fear. it’s GONE. I’ve written from my insides out in my blog for years now, because I believe in showing my personal growth versus telling it only in the aftermath; and if you have been reading or go back and read through it, you will note various fears that I have both consciously AND unconsciously expressed. over the years of sharing my own inner world and working with many people, I’ve been curious as to whether that one “moment” would exist for me, in which I would say “Eureka! it’s gone! this long pattern I wanted gone is gone!”. I was never attached to an outcome, because that is not how journeys and life work. the moment we surrender and detach from how we believe things must look and happen for us, they move. it is within the constant surrender that life works FOR us.
there are two specific threads of what I will call my “former life” (specifically prior to October 2018 in which I hit the tail end of another massive dark night and personal shift — it was sober, long, quiet, and harder than any other personal shift I have ever gone through) patterning. the threads are beliefs that, I knew at least consciously, are not true. I had sort of resigned to having these beliefs slash fear spores in or around me forever – this is not because I was lazy, but because I was surrendered. I also did not think that the day would come when I felt like a completely different person (AGAIN). throughout these past few weeks, and notably with personal measurement THIS week, I see that this new person within me has emerged. I’m not the only one…
people who I worked with years ago, and who keep in touch with remote sessions / pop ups etc, reached out all week to say “hey Elaine, you won’t believe this but…that THING that bothered me for so long, that was a block…IT’S GONE!”; and I said, “me too. me too.”
since the early 2000s I’ve really understood and tuned into the earth’s energy and where we were headed as a collective. it was almost like seeing entire pods of energy either coming to life, or dying…based on how people were choosing to life. I saw and felt in my own right that our planet’s energy was changing, and that people who were “living right” were going to have an easier time coming up…and that those who were spiritually lazy were going to fall. now by “easier time coming up”, I don’t mean that it looked perfect or even good in the interim; I understood that in a death, there are nasty details that we go through before we rebirth. this can be a series of rebirths, or that “big” whammo one that we are all looking for — the one I write about today as the topic, and this is the “one” that typically takes years to suddenly then recognize “overnight”. at any rate, I’ve felt the dial that mother earth has been tweaking each and every year since about 2000. we have really moved in periods of 4s, in my interpretation of the pattern waves. I am not an astrologer or a numerologist, but I do enjoy and subscribe to those reportings because they line up with what I “see’ and feel.
in the early 2000s, my grandmother sent me some antiquated report on “biorhythms” and how our personal cycles run. well, that helped me to understand that what I was seeing and feeling for myself and our collective was rooted SOMEWHERE. if you had asked me in high school or college what biorhythms etc were, I would have side-eyed and gone back over to my big bottle of wine. this is to say that the woo woo was not part of my life — and yet it WAS. I didn’t subscribe to the external context of which we consider “new age” now, yet it subscribed to me. does that make sense?
I am digressing a bit, but a larger point will be made. first of all, the majority of the people I see for my work also do not subscribe, and certainly not outwardly, to the woo woo or the unseen or the “new age” that has become so (annoyingly to me) trendy. yet, like me, the unseen — the physics of our individual and collective karmic states — subscribe to the people I see for my work. that is really, really important to consider when we consider where our planet is headed…
this bleeds into the revelations and new experience of life that I am having in recent months, all due to the very *complete* inner shifts that have occurred after all of these years. I have always said that truth is physics, and the physics of this planet will birth truth whether we like it or not, and whether we believe it or not. I have also made analogies to tech and A.I. (and during some of my consulting for such – yes, you would not believe how linked these subjects are: truth, consciousness, physics, TECH, and spirituality…) that support the fact that we can NOT go backwards as individual hence collective souls. of course our collective is a big collage of light and dark – contrast is what keeps us alive. breathing. walking. when folks ask me the reason for dark/evil, it is always this reason: without contrast we die — or move into nonphysical. at any rate, FEELING into this emergence of truth and lighter way of living collectively (keep in mind that personally, each person has free will, so those who choose OUT of truth repeatedly won’t necessarily experience truth in the way they desire) has been so acutely in my rear view mirror for so long. and I feel like we have just hit a new plateau with it — within our ego and consciousness — and new external realities are being built as a result.
back to this new energy…for so long I have wanted to feel certain (new) things. I’ve wanted the outcomes of my own patients, for myself: seeming happy U-turns. and I’ve got them now. the strongest, scariest and most life-sucking beliefs that I have held are…gone. there are two personal themes I’ve released. of course I (we) carry many. who knows what is next. but this particular breakthrough, that not so coincidentally some of my beloved patients who have been working on themselves for years are sharing with me, is a really clean, new, and exciting feeling. I know that my often cryptic way of communicating via writing only resonates with certain people — and that’s fine, it’s an excellent filter for my work — and my intention is for YOU, if you resonate with this (even if you are new to my work and don’t understand everything I am saying – by the way it is the energy and essence of me, of my consciousness that will resonate or not) to let you know that a new energetic domain or portal is truly here right now.
if we completely collapse the idea of time and space, we find infinite possibility; the best way to do this, of course, is to get into a timeless (meditative) state daily. we can bend time, change experiences, and do all kinds of things. I have to check with my numerologist and read my astrology reports to confirm, but I sense an unchartered domain for myself and for many I’ve worked with and stayed connected to. it’s simply pleasant. that is the main point of this post: pleasantries are upon us. especially if we have been TRYING…
I am a broken record talking about the physics of karma, all of the time. but I just can not stress enough, how the Universe opens for us when we honor ourselves and others. and I can not stress enough how the Universe thwarts and rejects us when we do not honor ourselves and others (do not get confused with a dark night of the soul as a result of honoring yourself! it can be easy to think you are doing something wrong, when you are indeed not). for example. there are now dozens of people who I’ve set up, nearly frame by frame, businesses and healing practices for. aside from serving as their inspiration, I walked and hand held many people through the process of even having enough courage to present themselves in the “healing” or ethereal domains. I’ve never attached myself to anyone’s business, because it’s never felt right. I like to do a lot of it quietly for many purposes, and I also do a lot of pro bono work. that said, I’ve been drawn or rather certain people have been drawn to me, in order to violate — with giant ego — divine gifts and heart. in a nutshell, some folks did some of the outrageous shit after taking what they could from me (also a now broken pattern in my life – YAY!) and starting their “spiritual” companies or practices. one person in particular (I’ve been like a child at times – I just didn’t see certain things coming because I could never imagine not honoring someone who helped me) with an apparently huge ego decided that if I wasn’t going to do xyz and help a random person as a “favor” to them, that I was completely written off. this person lied about how and why they entered the spiritual domain, their entire life path, and how their “company” came to be. it wouldn’t have bothered me, even all of the above, if this did not come on the heels of a manipulation. this person basically said “I’ll show you, Elaine” — and then the ticking time bomb began. I knew right away what this person had done to themselves, and it would only be a matter of time before their paid-for instagram following etc etc etc imploded — along with their entire life. if we build “authenticity” on a lie, it crumbles. it we willfully violate another person, WE crumble. there are so many silly rabbits out there! and sure enough, within just about a year and a half of said ego-maniac’s plight into the “spiritual” and other public domain, it’s a wrap. their entire life fell apart, only worse than before — and it won’t stop until they stop. we can not take things that are not ours, walk on people who have only been kind to us, and expect to walk freely. the Universe won’t allow it. when I see this happening, or someone directs something like this toward me, all I can do is pray for them. I actually feel badly FOR them, because I know what they have just done. unfortunately I have a handful of these experiences to count, but I know that God has used me as a tool in each case. whether people learn from it or not is up to them, but the fact remains: KARMA IS PHYSICS. PHYSICS IS TRUTH. I’m blue in the face now.
I couldn’t be more excited about the domain that I am in, and the one that many of my patients “made it through” to, and are making it through to. it is becoming less about extreme problems and difficulties (because we have been working on ourselves for so long), and more about…WHAT CAN WE CREATE? the creation stage is here.
if we worked together a long time ago and you read this, I hope you resonate. if you don’t, keep going. remember that the truth within our own self wins and creates a butterfly effect (eventually). I’ve waited a lifetime to feel the way that I do within myself now, and I wasn’t sure that I would ever feel this way. there are still plenty of things to work on, plenty of things that are “wrong”, but there has been a seismic shift and I couldn’t be happier to be in this fresh domain.
this is our next stop. this retreat is open to former patients only. it will run similarly to a 3-day workshop in terms of thematic subject coverage, but it will nonetheless be very different from those of mine that you may have attended in the past…
I will spend one-on-one time with each person in abbreviated session format. we will convene on the beach. in the yoga room. under the stars. we will share our growth and goals, and the re-birthing process that got us from A to B. exciting twist: we will wrap it up with a professional photoshoot for each person, with the intention of capturing the essence of the business that each person has/is building/WANTS TO BUILD. as many of you know, those I work with (this has been happening from day one) often leave their jobs, or bridge NEW passions aka “jobs” or endeavors with their current posts. I want to continue to help cultivate and inspire each person I work with to expand to the next space in queue for them and EXECUTE in 3d terms. so, if you have a new business idea you are thinking of, or you just can’t seem to “move” your passion/endeavor to the next level, or you do not know where to start with articulating your next passion but you know it’s there, this will open your mind. it does not matter what stage you’re at. that said, be prepared to step out in front of the camera! your next steps want to be met with the world sensing your energy through your physical essence…which is ALWAYS evolving and morphing. you are not the same person you were last year, last week, or even an hour ago. our focuses will cover many subjects, obviously including precursors (aka blocks) to the above. let’s make some new things happen, in a magical geographic space.
if you are interested and can make these dates, ring the HE line and leave a voicemail. I will accept up to 3-4 people for this to keep it focused, and harvest the right group.
we will be about an hour outside of the city. this spot in particular is one of my most favorite locations in the Northeast.
the mini-retreat will run similarly to a workshop; 3pm-9pm Friday, 3pm-9pm Saturday, and 3pm-9pm Sunday. all lodging and all dinners will be included. each person will receive a private/individual healing built into the weekend. since we have worked together before, this is an opportunity (perhaps in lieu of a pop-up) to go deeper for a longer period of time, and connect with a couple of my other patients. this mini-retreat will host a couple or a few people. since this is a holiday weekend with some of my FAVORITE numerology (and one of my favorite holidays), AND a full moon on the 19th, we really have some super tailwinds assisting us here.
call 917-985-1221 and leave a voicemail if you are interested.
it sounds like a paradox to most: forgive in order to become free; versus forgive in order to re-enter (hence try to fix/alter/accept toxicity, danger or abuse — AGAIN…).
it can be an endless pattern for many people, and it is. a few months ago I was chatting with a friend of mine. he “gets” what I do for work, but he’s not close to surrender (as I will refer to it throughout this post). and it’s fine. I told him that. it’s not a judgement on him – we speak our opinions about one another freely without offense. he criticizes me and doesn’t always understand me. and he also asks for and heeds my advice, such as on the subject I’m writing about. by the way these types of relationships are crucial in our lives, because if we a) need everyone to agree with us or b) can’t risk being offended, then it is not a healthy relationship. the same can be said about friendships and relationships in reference to politics etc, and I’ve said it before: I have friends on all sides of every equation out there. all countries. all religions. all political forms and allegiances. and all opinions are valid in this life. I digress…
typically when we think of the word suicidal, we think of depression. we think of self-harm. and I will say that suicide is very misunderstood, because I have seen and understood “suicidal” from a wider vantage point than many might attempt to / explain it.
just as mysterious as we might discover love, fate/destiny, otherwise uncontrollable and medically inexplicable feelings within an otherwise very psychologically stable person, and unexplainable events or occurrences, we might also find alongside those things – suicide.
there are different archetypes of the notion “suicidal” from a medical and clinical perspective; they can be googled, read about and researched elsewhere. plenty of research and studies have been conducted along the lines of what we already know. I am here to discuss the archetype that has not been written about before, or at least not in this way: the spiritual…with a bridge to the medical. it is my hope to potentially provide greater understanding about human connection — the one we have to our self, within the soul (5d)/body (3d)context — and how that relates to what we call suicidal.
we all have that one person, and/or that one subsequent benchmark experience (that is, if we can recognize them/it) that helped shape us and our life for the better.
although a therapist once told me (and I still believe her) that I suffer from “pathological gratitude”, lately I have been reflecting on the people and experiences who and that, nonetheless, helped shape my life. maybe some of it is pathological gratitude, but even if so, I am still consciously grateful for who and that which helped remind me of who I’ve always been and where I am capable of going.
I’ll start at the earliest point in my life. there was a couple who lived across the street from me starting from when I was about 9 months old. Charlie and Sue. they did not have children, just dogs. the person I was most connected to, or who was most connected to me, was Charlie. my earliest memories include Charlie. as early as I could walk, I recall being with Charlie. as I sat on his lap and talked about his dogs (his dogs were a huge part of his life), he gazed at me with love in his eyes. this love had no attachment. this love had no need. this love had no expectation. it was perhaps my first recollection of unconditional love. I can recall, even now, what I felt: seen, special, connected, and loved. I moved away when I was just 4, so my time with Charlie was brief and intermittent. apparently when he died a few years ago (I only recently discovered that fact), I was in photos of a slideshow that was presented at his remembrance ceremony. it was only recently that I made a huge connection to the meaning of Charlie in my life: he provided me with a protective energy that would last a lifetime. how do I know this? because when I look at his photo today, I STILL FEEL THAT FEELING. the feeling that I had as a toddler. why is this important to share?
recently a close friend of mine went through a breakup. his partner has a young daughter who he was introduced to when she was very little. he was with his partner for over half a decade, no doubt leaving a very strong impression on the life of this little girl. as he spoke to me about the angst he felt in his heart for being apart from the little girl, and concern for her well-being and remembrance of him on her part in the future, I was reminded of my own experience with Charlie. what we often forget is how powerful and impressionable the mind and heart of a young child are; they never, ever forget. they forget things that are indeed dangerous…but they always remember the love. the positive. and all it takes is one positive to outweigh thousands of negatives in the form of people and experiences. no, it does not erase trauma or difficulty…but it will, at a certain point, prevail over negativity. our experiences with people are imprinted upon our soul, and for better or for worse, we recall them and bring them into our consciousness (either during our life span or on our death bed — either way it is inescapable! it’s just a matter of timing) one day. pain leaves us…love stays. ultimately.
the next memory of someone who shaped my life is one that came about in a very indirect fashion, and it’s sort of sad/raw. but I have to tell it. if you have been reading my blog for a time, you will have already gotten the gist of my life, even if sometimes cryptically described — that said, this next memory won’t sound too off-color. I was a prepubescent child. it was Christmas eve. those who were to care for and love me went to a neighbor’s house in the evening. while there, the very essence and truth of my being was thrown under the bus by those who were there to care for and love me. upon hearing such alarming and negative words come from such a seemingly unlikely source, the owner of the house, the neighbor, became enraged. instead of just playing politics for the sake of saving face and having to see his neighbors every day, this man (a real man, I would later understand) stood up and began screaming in defense of me. he called me one of the sweetest, kindest children he had ever met – and then he kicked out the people who were supposed to love and care for me. on Christmas eve. his rage and (rightful) upset over what he witnessed, a crime against a small child, was so intense that he woke his own children with his roaring anger and words (who were close in age to me). years later, I would hear this story told by this man’s own children. it didn’t start to hit me until I was in proper therapy, that someone had actually tried to defend me in my life. it was nobody close to me (otherwise my life would have been very different), but someone did indeed defend me. I just wasn’t there to witness it. but hearing about it proved to be a God-send, only many years later. what that man did for me mattered. it still matters. and a current piece of me in present day can connect to that timeline and feel gratitude. and protection.
during my second internship in college, I was paired with a software development company. my skill-sets and focus weren’t necessarily the best match for this company, but the founder, Phil, resonated with my passion for modern languages and travel. during the interview, he asked me what led to my interest in foreign culture, and I let him know that my first boyfriend was from another country. that seemed to be the clincher! – he could relate, as he himself wanted and had decided to marry a non-American! he impressed upon me the fact that intrinsic resonance was more important than technical skills or a resume, and he gave me a very important opportunity. aside from training or retraining my mind to think analytically (I was an analyst slash data entry person for his company), I learned interpersonal skills I had never learned before. he taught me about the acronym/word ASS-U-ME. I learned that almost everything I had learned up until that point was…not very helpful if I was going to make it in the world and be successful with any employer. he questioned not just my office skills, but my interpersonal skills. I cried in my car after work a few times, and sometimes even in the bathroom at work. I always knew he was a great person, so I didn’t blame him – I realized that he was showing me a new way of living and communicating, since my methods at that time would not serve me in the future. it was hard for me to change. but he gave me a chance. he saw me. and I realized that he could have chosen “better” in terms of the technical skills that would have been optimal for his company, but he worked with me both as an employee and as a human being. he brought heart and business into one setting for me. and it changed the way I looked at the world, and myself (can’t have one without the other, right?).
the next person who helped me to “see” myself, was my first true “boss” out of college. I took a sales job. an on-the-road sales job. door-to-door. C-Suite talk only. meaning, we were not allowed to discuss, on any level, a sale with anyone who was not a C-Suite. imagine that! we were not allowed to email prospects. it was all face-to-face, or via phone, or nothing at all. and they had to be top decision makers…or nothing at all. now to be clear, I was TERRIFIED of public speaking, and I was TERRIFIED of walking into (sometimes nearly breaking and entering!) an office building and demanding at the reception desk to see the CEO or CFO. I basically took my absolute worst nightmare job…because I knew I needed to grow. so this first boss is named Sean. we are still in contact to this day. at any rate, Sean hired me. and he trained me. I watched this 25 year old man blaze into offices in his suit (we were required to wear suits), casually and firmly demand to speak with the CEO, and act like it was normal. at first, I would stand there with embarrassment — I couldn’t believe anyone could be so brazen! but he did it with careful confidence. he did not let fear get in the way. I had a long way to go before I felt I could get there. but within a few months, I was there. it started with me entering offices and running out, due to fear. and it ended with me confidently asking to meet with the CEO on the spot (the company’s model was a 15 second pitch-to-close — or nothing was happening!). I became one of the company’s top sales people at that time, because I believed in the service, but also because Sean believed in me. he didn’t mind that I was socially awkward, or that I was hypervigilant or would probably shake at first or that my voice was in my throat most of the time. he let me burn some leads because I was not perfect or successful yet. and his belief in me, and his kindness toward me, changed me. it simply showed me that I didn’t have to not believe in myself or keep my head down.
the next person who shaped my life for the better happened to be an astrologer. her name was/is Veronica. I have no idea whether or not she is still alive. she came from London and lived in CT. I was 26 and I went to see her for a life consult. as we sat together for 3 hours, she shared some very raw and tough-to-hear truths about my life, my past, and my future. since I had become so accustomed to criticism throughout my life, I was able to sit there and hear whatever she needed to say (this is one of the perks of not being coddled and told “you’re the greatest”). the most important thing that she shared with me in her candid read on me and my life, was my destiny. I knew it, always, in my heart. yet, I was so scared of who that person was, because I was trained to be the opposite of that person. clearly, Veronica could see this, and it pissed her off a great deal. it’s funny, because now in my line of work, I see and feel the same way when young women come to me: rage and compassion surrounding things that have been taken from them – and it is my mission to return to them their intrinsic gifts. at any rate, Veronica sat and told me what was so clearly in my chart, and when she said it I sobbed a big loud sob. she didn’t waiver. she told me that I was crying because it was true. I said yes. and there it was. I had permission, for the first time in my life, to become what I already was — underneath a sea of opposition. and after that reading, that is exactly what I did: I went and became what I had always been, and was always meant to be. I am still expanding my wings to this day, and I won’t stop until I am dead. and probably not after that, either, FYI.
the “final” person and experience who/that shaped my life seems, even while writing this, almost innocuous due to the brevity of such…but the impact of it supersedes duration. and because it stands out so acutely, it is certainly a big part of who I am today. when I was starting Healing Elaine® – and I was just called it “Elaine” at the time – I was interviewing for part-time work within the sphere of what I do. I hadn’t fully come out of the spiritual closet at that time, and I didn’t have enough money for rent based on my work. so I spent my entire days and often nights looking for tie-in work with which I could earn, while handing out my “Elaine” business cards during the day. I found a top psychiatrist who was looking for a bilingual admin slash receptionist, and it seemed perfect! I had started as a psych major in college, and I minored in modern languages. I didn’t get the job, but I walked out with more than a job. when I went to the interview, he let me know that part of the process was to take an aptitude test that he had designed himself. I took the test, and I recall thinking DURING it that I could be doing better on it. he kept looking at me with curiosity, it felt. at the end of the test, he looked at me and said: “most people do not do that well on that test”. I was like, OK, and…and then he said it again, firmly, looking me directly in the eyes. it hit me, many months later, that what he was trying to tell me was that I was good enough. that I was worthy. and that I was better than I knew. perhaps that parts of me were above average. he could see that I could not see myself the way I was, the way that God had designed for me to see myself. and to this day, his words and focus upon me resonate and reverberate and heal me. that half-hour interview is still in my DNA. and I am grateful for it.
I wanted to write about this today, because I have recently been hearing about and seeing examples of lives that were positively touched in the simplest of ways…ways in which we often underestimate, regardless of our dynamic in a particular relationship. sometimes “just doing our job” as a boss or mentor — even if we teach someone a difficult lesson — can be savored many, many years later. and appreciated. and it can be life-changing. actions have power…we may not be able to stop child abuse, but we can certainly confront abusers by telling them “NO!” – whether that child is present or not. that energy goes a long way. as does love. just being in the presence (no matter how short of a time it may be, and no matter personal or professional in capacity) of someone who loves us because they are connected to themselves in some way, can heal even the deepest of wounds.