how and when I knew it was time to leave certain (platonic) relationships

photo by Anita Saini

I would like to first note that none of the examples that I share below are related, in any way, to my healing practice or anyone in / around it. the examples are from my strictly personal life. I hope they serve you in some way. in addition, as always, these are all MY WORDS. my experiences. not information I read or heard. everything that I write about, I have lived. and my words are my interpretations of such.

the law of physics states simply that two energies of different vibrations must match in order to stay in contact. this is more true than I could ever explain in words. I feel it all day. I’ve experienced it empirically. I write about it in nearly every single blog post, directly or indirectly. it is happening ALL OF THE TIME. to each and every one of us. it is just that we do not pay enough attention to it (much thanks to the unconscious mind, that wants to keep us trapped in the past, often in the safety of trauma that our ego adrenaline will not allow us to leave until things get bad enough).

everyone we speak with – engage with, in any way and on any level – impacts us and we impact them. the important question to ask is…how? when we begin to GROW, a funny thing happens in our relationships. we find that 1) we reside in more truth, and our relationships improve 2) we reside in more truth, and our relationships fall apart. another thing that happens, particularly when we are in our 20s, is that we do the opposite of grow – we REGRESS…this happens so that our unconscious mind may access and “fix” our trauma. we are rarely but sometimes successful in terms of escaping this — most people, sorry to say it, stay in regressed trauma forever. we regress, typically, through romantic partnerships. those are the sneakiest and strongest forms of glue to bond our mind cleverly to the past, and call it “love”. in actuality, we are working out things we do not actually want or need any longer. and so, in this way, we may find that 1) we reside in less truth, and our relationships fall apart 2) we reside in less truth, and the wrong relationships improve (taking us backward).

in 2011, I had just come out of the closet with my healing practice. I had little vistaprint cards that said “Elaine” on them, and a picture of a fairy. I was also blowing through trauma from the past, on my own, and doing a good job at it. I had attended alanon meetings for a time because I couldn’t afford therapy (no excuses — there is ALWAYS a resource for us and we do not necessarily need money for said resources — ask and ye shall find), and I was on a rigorous schedule of my own accord which included proper sleep (including a consistent bedtime), no TV, not too much social media, and daily exercise. I know, this may sound boring — but I wanted a life, and I knew that anchoring was the way to get there. I was juggling several jobs at the time, as I had been since I left corporate in 2006. I had my own consulting business, I worked part-time at a clothing store, and I was briefly in a band (I had abandoned my musical training in my early teens and I really missed it). I lived in a tiny east village apartment that I was always on the verge of getting kicked out of because I couldn’t afford it, and I had to learn how to train my mind differently — as in, learn that I was worth being paid, and also stop being afraid of my root essence (something that was robbed from me long, long ago). root essence is all things home, safety, and basic needs.

during this time, my then-bff came to NYC for a visit. although she made major money at a tech firm, she insisted on staying with me. she was always cutting corners with anything that would save her money, and she loved free shit. in retrospect, I wish I had told her “no” the dozen times she decided she would crash with me in my tiny studio versus pay for a hotel with the expense money her company gave to her. of course in hindsight, there are hundreds of things I wish I saw about her. one particular visit, I was in really hot water with my landlord. I was a couple of weeks late, and he had already shown up at my door asking for the rent. despite all of this, spiritually and emotionally and psychologically, I was doing better than ever. I was healthy on the inside, and hoping/waiting for the outside to match it. my bff invited me out to dinner with her other friend. since I knew her, I knew she would not be paying for me (despite inviting me, knowing my circumstances, AND having stayed in my apartment which inconvenienced me), but also that I could not afford it. I went anyhow, as I felt obligated. she knew my position, and simply looked the other way. again, at the time, I was USED to this selfish behavior because of my life experience, so I didn’t give it too much thought. at dinner, I remember feeling my own divine energy in a new way. I was not dating or in a relationship or in some idea of false power, so it was definitely mine. by the way, it is really important to note what is “yours” – if you are in a new relationship or have a new pay raise or promotion happening and you think THAT is your divine energy, that is a big mistake. that is called EXTERNAL validation and essentially, fake happiness. at any rate, I could feel more divine core during this period of my life like never before – despite the difficulty that I was having. I recall so vividly, the look of anger and discontent on her face during dinner. this would not be the last time that I would see this look — it would grow and grow, as my life and inner world each blossomed and grew and grew. after dinner, we took a walk around the city and I pet some horses that the police were riding downtown (this always really bothers me). after that night, I got a really odd email from my then-bff…

the email said that she was concerned for my mental health. because, simply, of how “different” I seemed at dinner, and how it was odd that I was petting the horses. it almost seemed like a joke, that email, which I have saved and downloaded to this day. in that moment, I knew: she was describing herself. but she didn’t know it. in the email, she said that her instinct was “to distance myself from you” — imagine that. my energy had changed so much for the better, that over a decade of friendship was on the line. as a side note, if I were to even BEGIN to list the 100 things about this individual that I now can not believe I overlooked, you might fall over. at any rate, I responded to the email and passed it off without any drama. shortly after that time, I find out that this once seeming straight-laced person is blowing coke every weekend (never an interest of mine) – because she told me so. I also find out, because she told me so, that she was sleeping with her married boss whose wife was pregnant with their third child. all of this, like it was no big deal. yet she was concerned about MY well-being, and how that reflected upon “HER”…

I had overlooked much of this type of behavior of hers, for many years in fact, until I couldn’t overlook it any longer. all the while, every criticism that she had of me, was actually of herself. and the tipping point came when I ACTUALLY became even healthier. it was staggering to me, how much an energy shift and a shift in consciousness will just absolutely not allow you to even live in the same state as someone. be on the phone with them. converse with them in any way. I was doing the inner work, and it showed. it actually began showing up in my relationships — and, the best part was, that I understood it. and so I allowed whatever needed to fall apart, to fall apart. the reasons that I had overlooked much of her behavior up until that point were really basic ones: she appeared really together, she had a high profile job, we had been friends for a really long time, and it felt like family. she was the things that I was taught to value — how people SEEMED, versus who they actually WERE. I had yet to fully address the actual meaning of that word: family. what I knew was, it didn’t include being treated poorly.

as I grew and became stronger, she became worse and worse. all the while, maintaining her fake, “together” appearance. the pinnacle came when anyone and everyone who was like her — intrinsically — I walked away from…and they all got together to talk. LOL! this is how strong the notion of vibration is, folks. all that matches will bond together and not even truly know why…all that does not match will be ripped apart, and the surface reasons will not even make sense at the time. that is how it felt with my former bff. the fact is, you will be attacked for your light when those around you [intrinsically] lack it. that is your cue to keep moving, with grace.

another example that I would like to share was perhaps even more difficult to figure out, in contrast to a more blatant experience such as I had with the former bff. this example is with a therapist I saw for 2 years. now, those of you reading this who work in mental health (thank you, thank you by the way to those of you who I have never even met for the referrals of other therapists who you have sent my way or inadvertently sent my way by telling them about me) know that a large percentage of “therapists” go into the practice because they are mentally unwell themselves. I’ve seen it many, many times. they think that their intelligence is so grand that it can bypass their own unconscious — it can not. they think that by helping others, they are fixing themselves — they can not, it does not work that way. many therapists, though intellectually intelligent, remain damaged; as they continue to use intellect to bypass deep, deep unconscious experiences that have not even begun to surface — because they are blocked by the intellectual commitment to fix others instead. that said, I was REALLY nervous about finding the right therapist. I hopped around for ages from early 20s on, and never ever was consistent in therapy — because I found that most of them were NUTS. I felt rather hopeless about finding anyone who not only could help me, but who knew something that I did not already know. and who was not certifiably crazy. I was often 10 steps ahead of each person I saw, and some of them ended up sort of asking me for advice – I would walk away knowing that I had opened something in THEM, and scared to find out that MY person (therapist) didn’t exist. at any rate, I found someone I thought could work. because I did not find them to be crazy, and they had many years of experience, I settled in. I could never, however, set a SPECIFIC or consistent day and time each week — I always had to call to schedule the next session. that, in and of itself, is a sign that some part of the equation did not fully work. because, commitment IS commitment, period. I couldn’t fully commit. but, I committed to the best of my knowing at that time and I DID commit to my own internal process. I went nearly weekly anyhow. in the very first session, I could tell that this person didn’t fully have me sized up, because of the questions they were asking me. I also felt they had to really state their power or boundaries, which told me that they felt threatened by me in some way. but, at the same time, I knew they had knowledge to share, so I stayed. for 2 years. I appreciate the time that I had with this person. but, there came a time when I had to go…and, just like the above example I shared with my former bff, that time came when I GREW…

I went through a terrible time in the outer world as it relates to my business and theft/censorship. that is a whole other enchilada. ironically, I entered therapy with this person right before it ALL began…and I left, right as it all began to reveal itself. as the facts surrounding my outer world tangible problems began to reveal, and I didn’t actually know they were revealing in the way that they would, I felt again that power inside of me bubbling up (heavily contrasting the outer world struggle). something in me had awoken further, and I can’t for the sake of time adequately explain what that felt like in writing. perhaps that is another post for me to write. what I knew, is that I WAS CLOSER TO TRUTH – period. and as this was happening, my then-therapist mentioned to me that she was “concerned about me”…hmmm…the irony here, is that it was only THIS WEEK in 2019 that I connected the dots in relationship to what my former bff had said to me about a decade ago as I was growing spiritually and emotionally…that she was “concerned” about me…and I see a much larger pattern now, with perhaps everyone in my life who had outgrown their purpose.

I was really caught off guard with my then-therapist because of her words, but I had also resolved (prior to entering therapy) to accept that I might actually never find someone who could see my big-picture. I was ok with it, I had surrendered to being lonely in that way. I was grateful for whatever insights she had and although knowledge is NOT experience, at least it is knowledge that I didn’t have to go online for, and I could share a banter about it with an actual person. during this time, literally everything had been stripped away from me (again – I recognize my life is not normal, but I know that it is relative to my purpose hence me writing here, for you) and I couldn’t afford to see her. when I say I couldn’t afford to see her, I am not saying it in the way that people throw that around when they have an ACTUAL savings and a line of credit (which boils my blood, my the way, because those statements about “not having money” are about CONTROL, about EGO, not fact)…I actually couldn’t afford a cab downtown because there was no credit for it anyway. when I get bottomed out like that — and by the way many people do get bottomed out like that and go on to write best-sellers or have amazing businesses so I do not consider it a “failure” in life — I know the people in my life are probably going to change as well. and, if I don’t see it at the time, I see it later and understand why. I went for a couple more sessions while I internally felt better than ever, but externally witnessed my life falling apart again. she looked at me strangely and brought up odd topics like politics…which informed me of her own trauma and relationship to my GROWTH. there I was again, growing…and it was causing someone to be “concerned” for me…and the Universe decided for me that it was time to go. a few months later, I knew that the right thing had happened — I was supposed to move forward now. I had outgrown that therapist. I would also like to note that I now have the therapist of my absolute dreams. it’s like “the” relationship of your life — when you know, you know. I knew on day one, that he was “the one”. I suppose this is how all important life decisions are supposed to go as they relate to people. we always know on day one, whether we admit that to ourselves or not.

evolving and truly growing feels like the land of Oz. when you grow to a point in which you actually give birth to a new energy inside of you, because you have been doing the work, you will outgrow many people. it does not, of course, make those people bad. but it lets you know that they are part of your old reality. this can feel extremely trippy. it can almost feel as though one is having a psychotic break, if you can imagine what that might feel like. the reason that people have such a hard time with the people around them growing and moving into TRUTH, is that they do not have the proper tethering to stay together when truth is presented — either in fact, or intrinsically in another person such as I was presenting to both my former bff and my then-therapist. it actually caused them to feel untethered, and their go-to was to deflect (without knowing it, of course), and be concerned about ME. they were concerned for themselves.

there is no end to how many layers we each have, and how much we can grow. when we spend time with others, we MUST match them on some level. when we no longer match them, the Universe simply separates the two forces like oil and water. it finds all kinds of ways to do so. the art of allowing will carry you through, as this occurs. those who do not want to change, and who do not want to see the truth, will find ways to attack you — not because they want to hurt you, but because they are so afraid of seeing “what is”. this translates to the entire debacle we are now seeing with big tech, and let me tell you that we are just at the tip of the iceberg that will melt and melt and melt…while people meltDOWN, over it. I have always wondered what the “big event” would be in this world, to finally land or bridge people on the “same page” (meaning TRUTH)…would it be aliens landing that everyone could see at the same time? would it be a big news scandal that was too mainstream to miss? well, whatever “it” is, is well on its way. and I continue to do my best to remain understanding of how and why people can not see truth. it is not because they don’t want to, but rather if they untether something in their unconscious mind, they mind literally lose it. and I believe that the powers that be upstairs, know this. that is why we are not all on the same page at the same time. for whatever that is worth to you.

when your relationships start to shift and change, ask yourself: 1) am I growing 2) am I around someone who is actually negatively impacting me, but I just can’t see it because it is in my house of trauma 3) what are my internal versus external particulars … answering those questions soundly will assist you. the only “wrong” way to do things, is to go against our SELF in some way in this life. that is when we pay the ultimate price. so, if you are doing things to the best of your ability and not lying to yourself, take a deep breath, let it out, and let go of worrying about whether or not you are on the right track. everything that needs to follow, in the sphere of people and relationships, will.

*as always, please revisit the link to this article — I often do not edit my first draft before publishing (yes, there are reasons). I often edit a day or two later at which point reading this a second time may make more sense anyhow.

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the Dalai Lama, women’s looks, and the foolery of the human ego & body

©Healing Elaine®, photo by Anita Saini

inspired by ignorant trolling.

dear entire population of planet earth,

it is possible to be out-of-this-world intelligent, spiritual, talented, powerful, authoritative, authentic, unique, successful, AND…physically beautiful.

don’t get it? it’s ok. I did not get it either at one point.

for reference to my very personal experience and perspective on looks/aesthetics and all physical bodied things that the media manipulates us with, please refer to my in depth (and free — not all of them are anymore) article here.

challenges inspire me. ignorances inspires me. pains inspires me.

I have always been a deep person. MEANING, I have always, always weighed the core of a person first, versus their external appearance. however, like most human beings, I was brainwashed to believe that an individual (for the sake of this article and relative to the Dalai Lama comment, I will speak about “women” — so, whatever that means to YOU) — a woman — had to choose: am I smart, or am I beautiful?

clearly we all understand, to a degree, that advertising and the grand social and human (tech) experiment that we are all under is to thank for early life confusion around inner versus outer as it relates to our human experience. thankfully, I did NOT grow up with social media. I didn’t even have a cell phone in high school. so, with that said, I feel like I am between two generations in terms of HOW a person builds their identity, relative to our current/modern day world as it relates to societal messaging. so when I was young, many “moms” still stayed at home. while I can not speak for anyone else’s personal experience, I will say that my own (feel free to refer to any other blog post that will further inform you about my background) experience dictated brain VERSUS looks — brain OR looks — when it came to a “woman”. in conjunction with that, I was a surrogate wife for a male caretaker from a very young age, and I was told that although my female caretaker was “beautiful”, that she wasn’t smart. but that I WAS.

when I was 8, my head was shaved. I write about this in my other article. if you have any sort of a psych background, you can guess as to why that was mandated. the entire night before the big event (which, by the way, I HAVE COMPLETELY BLACKED OUT – I CAN NOT REMEMBER AND I WANT TO), I do remember crying myself to sleep. it wasn’t much different from any other night for me, except I felt that I was about to lose my identity. I did NOT want my shoulder length locks chopped. and, they were shaven. all the kids at school tortured me about it, and the “cut” happened twice. it was a buzz cut. everyone thought I was a boy. which, had I felt like a boy, would have been fine. but I didn’t feel like a boy.

as I grew up, and grew beyond having my essence and identity stripped in THAT way (among many others), I was constantly reminded of how smart I was (alternating in between beatings and punishments, for reasons I still can not recall). smart was all I had. “doing well” and making others happy was all I had. if I did not have that, and I was “beautiful”, then I would be forsaken. tossed aside. plus, I saw how fast “beauty” could disappear — with only a number 5 razor cutter! I HAD TO SHOW MY INTELLIGENCE! I did it, before age 15 when I quit everything, through sports music and academics. I constantly won awards. by the time I was a teenager, “things” started to catch up with me. I had little energy. I felt sick all of the time, more so than the regular feelings of fatigue and sickness as a child (I used to randomly vomit in the middle of the night, awoken that way straight out of my sleep). so I quit symphonic orchestra as a lead flautist. I quit the Varsity tennis team I made as a freshman, upon my sophomore year. I quit piano (I was classically trained and played by ear, and wrote my own music and lyrics). I stopped attending classes (I was voted “least likely to be seen”). when I was in school, I took long naps in the nurse’s office and needed notes for missed classes. I often slept through my first couple of classes despite drinking coffee. so, I sort of…”lost” all that I was praised for. and, I still just didn’t GET the looks thing…

as I “blossomed”, if you can call it that, I received male attention. quite frankly, I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t date or sleep around. I had a serious monogamous relationship for 3 years as my first relationship. but I embraced myself as “an attractive woman”. though, I could never fully “let go”. although many of my outfits were from a Britney Spears catalog circa 1999, and because well how fun was clubbing in the 90s and early 2000s before social media!?, I still needed to be “smart”. part of my way of managing that was to not date around or sleep around, even after my first break up. I can’t say that I regret it one way or another, what I “did not”, do. but I know that I was terrified of being judged for being beautiful. now, how to get around that judgement?

during my junior year in high school, one of my caretaker’s took my sister to a modeling casting call. I went along to support it. while there, the director of the agency gave me her card. I was one out of thousands in the long line wrapped around Time’s Square. I called her, I met her, she offered to work with me and pay me for a weekly gig (weekly runway shows at a restaurant for lunch), and I never went back. I turned down dozens of these sorts of opportunities in my teens and twenties. although it would have been perfectly acceptable for me to enjoy my “looks”, I could not bring myself to focus on that. one, because of my past. and two, because I wanted to show the world that the body we carry is NOT who we are. to this day, THAT is my mission. and, I am still working on the former. I am working on further embracing the silly “physical” package that we all place so much importance on. it fascinates me.

so when a troll (I do not open private messages on social media platforms, though I have sent them on rare occasion) online recently suggested that do not have a right to post “Vogue” photos of myself while being spiritual at the same time, I was…inspired.

if you read my post on the Kardashians here, you will understand what I think of a human body. it’s…just a human body. but we all know…that that is not how we FEEL. the human body does all kinds of things, because: procreation. obviously. and so we go in and out of ego, constantly. therein lying the IRONY I will present to this world.

when I started Healing Elaine®, I hid behind a middle name and NO PHOTO. for several years. to be perfectly clear, early on, I was TERRIFIED of anyone knowing what I looked like. why is that? partly because of all of the above — I know how people judge people. but also, because well, I did too, just a teeny bit. I judged mySELF. I still didn’t see how a woman could be beautiful AND spiritual. beautiful AND intelligent. because of all of the things that I mention above.

I no longer reside in the above space, mentally. one of the reasons that my protocol states I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU BEFORE I MEET YOU, it is because I am alive — which means I have ego, in order to actually physically STAY alive. which comes from experience. which translates to “logic”. I don’t want any logic for my sessions, that’s not how “it” works anyhow. so the more being, and the less human I can be, the best. and no longer residing in a space of confusion about whether I am “allowed” to be physically “beautiful” by society’s crazy standards and instructions, I am “out of the closet” in this way. I am not hiding. in fact, I am FULLY embracing all of me — body, mind and spirit. do you know what that really means?

it means breaking barriers. lots of people talk about folks like Marilyn Monroe being “feminist” figures — now no offense Ms. Norma Jean, the only things I have heard about you are that you slept around with other people’s men and were a Hollywood “sex symbol”. clearly, you were much more than that – we are not our physical. and while I place no judgement, I SAY, you were not known for your mind. so, how could we (society) ever combine both? many famous women “got there” because they got naked. this was also my greatest desire to NOT lead with — my appearance. the reason being, not that I thought it wrong — I do not find Marilyn Monroe to be wrong, I do not find stripping to be wrong, and I do not find anything that a “woman” wants to do with her body or how she wants to present it to be wrong. nope, not even one tinge of a bit. but for ME, for MY PURPOSE, I knew that I could not lead with that. and obviously, I never wanted to lead with it anyhow. and that, I knew, was important, because PEOPLE WOULD NOT GET IT. so I built an entire business first, which focuses solely on the intangible. the part that MATTERS in our human circus game of life. the part we overlook. the only part that matters. and I built it well. it spans all countries, all religions, all backgrounds, and of course hence, “looks”. the best part for me, for my heart, is that all of these people, the people I have worked with, knew me before they “saw” me. that feels like heaven to a girl like me, who just wanted to be SEEN as a small child — and not for her looks.

the Dalai Lama was once asked, “if you could reincarnate as anything or anyone, what and who would it be?” – he answered, “a beautiful woman. because then everyone would listen to me”. I will let you ponder that quote on your own.

my point is, I am just now real-time old enough to “know a lot” – yet still young enough to be “relevant” (thanks, mainstream media and beauty industry) because of how I look physically. I will take advantage of both of those things at the same time. I will not feel guilty about it. I know that one of those things isn’t real. and as I do not hold back, hopefully I set a new standard for how the world relates to tangible and intangible “beauty”.

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Sharon’s video testimonial for Healing Elaine®

I am so grateful to get to work with people of such inner-caliber. working with Sharon was a treasure, and I really appreciate her video testimonial. I haven’t posted every Healing Elaine® video out there to my blog, so feel free to visit my YouTube channel and subscribe for updates there. in addition, the subscription box for my blog is back on the home page of this here website, if you would like to subscribe to blog updates.

every session or otherwise Healing Elaine® related experience is different (including my TEM® and PE™ offerings), and everyone processes them differently, but the bottom line is resounding gut level connectivity – for both/all parties. I believe that there is someone for everyone. so, even if you never see me, perhaps some of my videos will open you to the thought that you have someone out there who you can and will connect to and who will perhaps open a window in your mind’s eye. we never walk this journey alone, even if the other people walking alongside us we will never meet; we are still walking beside many people who think and feel as we do. and it may help to know just that as you go about your day/week/life.

FRIENDLY DISCLAIMER: Healing Elaine® / Elaine is a Reiki Practitioner and Ordained Minister, but is not a physician, dietitian, nutritionist, or psychotherapist. Her advice, workshops, written content, and healing sessions are considered supplementary in nature and should not be a replacement for conventional medicine or psychiatric care. Please consult your physician or other licensed healthcare professional for any physical or psychological ailments you may be suffering or think you may have. By attending any seminar, class or session provided by Healing Elaine® / Elaine, you acknowledge that in no event will (Healing Elaine® / Elaine) be liable in any way directly or indirectly for damages resulting from information, data, classes or healing sessions provided or for the loss of profits through the use or misuse of said information and data, either via its use, negligence or other actions.

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why pedophiles molest, the recent headline news of such, and my own experience

photo by Pia Oyarzun for Forbes Magazine

while much of what I write about IS in fact heavy, or could be considered to be heavy by some, I avoid sensationalized topics/events/politics for a whole variety of reasons. that said, when I feel pulled from my core (not my mind) to write on something that comes close to what may serve as to some peace of mind for others, I write it. for example, I have a post about Hollywood that I wrote pre-HW (I don’t even like to write out their names) explosion, and right now that post is private. I am working on monetizing certain posts, because I give away SO much in my blog and certain posts should simply be monetized.

this morning, after meditating and gaging the so-called energy of the day, I opened my twitter account (I really avoid the news, in general, for the very good reason that I do not want it setting the tone for my day and a lot of it is pure garbage anyhow). the first thing I noticed was the interview and energy of one young woman named Jennifer. and for starters before I go into that, while I find particular movements to be valuable, I am also acutely aware of the fact that there are many people who take advantage of them. by lying. for MANY different reasons, too. blanket statements and movements are difficult in this way, and I prefer to look at EVERYTHING and everyone in life on a case by case basis. a person is different than a concept or an idea. they are an individual, made like no one else on this planet. it is important to see every person, and every situation, as totally unique. so when I saw Jennifer speaking to a news correspondent about her ordeal with JE (again, not interested in giving the vibration of this person’s name a platform here, but if you do watch the news and even if you do not, you can google it), I could almost feel the entire sequence of events that she went through. I don’t always feel that way, because there have been too many other people who LIE. on national television. to the world. because they are shameless and politically-driven. sometimes bought and paid for. obviously. anyway…

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when the student knows more than the teacher, taker energy, and borrowed essences

photo by Anita Saini

there are many reasons I keep writing about the nuances of one main subject / notion / statement / principle: know what is yours, and what is not yours. the reasons are 1) personal experience – hey, I didn’t ask for it, but it is what it is 2) the incredible resonance it has for 90%+ of my former patients 3) the fact that literally someone in another time zone or country will book a session with me based on ONE blog entry alone. that’s sort of a big deal, in that what I am writing is reaching people. I don’t need for what I am writing to reach everyone, that part is not up to me. and, thankfully, I don’t care about who doesn’t connect to what I write. what I write is for those who connect to it versus oppose, criticize, or attempt to critically think about it (a-hem, I’ve done that part already). early on, I was afraid that my posts would only make sense to some people. and then, when I noticed that people were connected to the point of blind intuition and barely any logic, taking huge leaps of faith and making huge investments to work together, it occurred to me that my being in my own energy and just being exactly who I am without trying to match some nonexistent niche was everything I’ve ever needed to be. fyi, if you are reading this and want to know “how” to grow your company, I say this: find out who you are first. find out what you stand for. find your message. without any of that, and I mean it — you need all of it — there is nothing. just fluff. just like a ton of what we see floating around in the land of bought and paid for instagram followings etc. do you want to be a person with a million followers who can not sell 10 t-shirts?

the thing about authenticity (and it amazes me how many people use that word — I really don’t like using that word, it’s sort of like the word “narcissist” — totally over-saturated, and usually used by people who are themselves either totally inauthentic or narcissistic) is that it can not be taught. it can not be gleaned. it represents a person who just…IS. how can you teach someone to be who they are? you can not. they either are, or they are not. and it can become glaringly obvious, if you know what to look for. this is important, because it will allow you to spot — regardless of your business/trade/social life — taker energy. taker energy is the bane of this post, and yes that is something that can be taught to spot. it took me years. I’m still learning, even with my off the wall intuition. I will explain why, and how I teach people in sessions about how to look at the human condition pertaining to both psychology and energy. some of it will be vague, because of the incredible number of people who have used my concepts and tried to regurgitate them either in their own blogs or “teachings”, and because they only read about my concepts versus actually lived them, the information gets taken out of context. we can not match something unless we actually match it — reading or digesting information is not equivalent to actual experience. and it is the vibration of EXPERIENCE that allows me to vet who and when for my work.

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how do you know when someone is lying to you? and here is my take on lying in general.

photo by Anita Saini

brace yourself. this isn’t a simple post.

all humans lie at one point or many in their lifetimes. lying can keep people alive in dangerous situations. it can also create illness (I’m sure you know the very true quote, “we’re only as sick as our secrets”), chaos, and very bad karma — not just for the person lying, but for the person being lied to…

I’m going to talk more so about the importance of understanding when you are being lied to, so that you do not take on the karma of the person lying or of the lie itself. because believe me when I say this: WE BECOME WHO WE SPEND TIME WITH. WE BECOME WHO WE TALK TO. WE BECOME WHATEVER WE EXPOSE OURSELVES TO.

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a wave of pattern breaking and new energy is here.

photo by Anita Saini

both personally and collectively I am recognizing years or lifetimes of patterning within the human self, obliterating.

it is a beautiful time for many of us right now. keep in mind that the word and notion “beautiful” is up for grabs in terms of how you want to interpret it. for example, if you are sincerely detached from the material world (as in, maybe you enjoy it, even strive for it in different ways, or cultivate it daily, yet it does not define your happiness), the ability to focus within is greater – it is only within this space that we can notice inner alignment and growth. when we are distracted by things that don’t matter (mostly the fleeting, material world), we are put at a disadvantage because this distraction busies the mind in a thwarting fashion. often, when we are distracted by things that don’t matter, we will 1) lose everything material 2) go through a personal dark night — in order to tune us into our inner world. it is within that world that we can actually and accurately hear and see ourselves — as well as our progress, or lack thereof.

by “progress”, I mean simply that we are here as individuals to progress. if we are not progressing, we are dying; we have either become distracted by things that do not matter, halting our growth, or we have refused growth. we are not here to regress, but to progress. this is INTERNAL. it is intrinsic to being a live human being — the higher self’s desire for progress. of course the word is relative. in theory of relativity there is NO comparison to the outer world, or the perceived outer world of another person’s life. and this past week, I noted progress – both within myself, and shared with me by many others.

this particular progress that I’ve witnessed and noted within myself is years of a specific pattern of fear. it’s GONE. I’ve written from my insides out in my blog for years now, because I believe in showing my personal growth versus telling it only in the aftermath; and if you have been reading or go back and read through it, you will note various fears that I have both consciously AND unconsciously expressed. over the years of sharing my own inner world and working with many people, I’ve been curious as to whether that one “moment” would exist for me, in which I would say “Eureka! it’s gone! this long pattern I wanted gone is gone!”. I was never attached to an outcome, because that is not how journeys and life work. the moment we surrender and detach from how we believe things must look and happen for us, they move. it is within the constant surrender that life works FOR us.

there are two specific threads of what I will call my “former life” (specifically prior to October 2018 in which I hit the tail end of another massive dark night and personal shift — it was sober, long, quiet, and harder than any other personal shift I have ever gone through) patterning. the threads are beliefs that, I knew at least consciously, are not true. I had sort of resigned to having these beliefs slash fear spores in or around me forever – this is not because I was lazy, but because I was surrendered. I also did not think that the day would come when I felt like a completely different person (AGAIN). throughout these past few weeks, and notably with personal measurement THIS week, I see that this new person within me has emerged. I’m not the only one…

people who I worked with years ago, and who keep in touch with remote sessions / pop ups etc, reached out all week to say “hey Elaine, you won’t believe this but…that THING that bothered me for so long, that was a block…IT’S GONE!”; and I said, “me too. me too.”

since the early 2000s I’ve really understood and tuned into the earth’s energy and where we were headed as a collective. it was almost like seeing entire pods of energy either coming to life, or dying…based on how people were choosing to life. I saw and felt in my own right that our planet’s energy was changing, and that people who were “living right” were going to have an easier time coming up…and that those who were spiritually lazy were going to fall. now by “easier time coming up”, I don’t mean that it looked perfect or even good in the interim; I understood that in a death, there are nasty details that we go through before we rebirth. this can be a series of rebirths, or that “big” whammo one that we are all looking for — the one I write about today as the topic, and this is the “one” that typically takes years to suddenly then recognize “overnight”. at any rate, I’ve felt the dial that mother earth has been tweaking each and every year since about 2000. we have really moved in periods of 4s, in my interpretation of the pattern waves. I am not an astrologer or a numerologist, but I do enjoy and subscribe to those reportings because they line up with what I “see’ and feel.

in the early 2000s, my grandmother sent me some antiquated report on “biorhythms” and how our personal cycles run. well, that helped me to understand that what I was seeing and feeling for myself and our collective was rooted SOMEWHERE. if you had asked me in high school or college what biorhythms etc were, I would have side-eyed and gone back over to my big bottle of wine. this is to say that the woo woo was not part of my life — and yet it WAS. I didn’t subscribe to the external context of which we consider “new age” now, yet it subscribed to me. does that make sense?

I am digressing a bit, but a larger point will be made. first of all, the majority of the people I see for my work also do not subscribe, and certainly not outwardly, to the woo woo or the unseen or the “new age” that has become so (annoyingly to me) trendy. yet, like me, the unseen — the physics of our individual and collective karmic states — subscribe to the people I see for my work. that is really, really important to consider when we consider where our planet is headed…

this bleeds into the revelations and new experience of life that I am having in recent months, all due to the very *complete* inner shifts that have occurred after all of these years. I have always said that truth is physics, and the physics of this planet will birth truth whether we like it or not, and whether we believe it or not. I have also made analogies to tech and A.I. (and during some of my consulting for such – yes, you would not believe how linked these subjects are: truth, consciousness, physics, TECH, and spirituality…) that support the fact that we can NOT go backwards as individual hence collective souls. of course our collective is a big collage of light and dark – contrast is what keeps us alive. breathing. walking. when folks ask me the reason for dark/evil, it is always this reason: without contrast we die — or move into nonphysical. at any rate, FEELING into this emergence of truth and lighter way of living collectively (keep in mind that personally, each person has free will, so those who choose OUT of truth repeatedly won’t necessarily experience truth in the way they desire) has been so acutely in my rear view mirror for so long. and I feel like we have just hit a new plateau with it — within our ego and consciousness — and new external realities are being built as a result.

back to this new energy…for so long I have wanted to feel certain (new) things. I’ve wanted the outcomes of my own patients, for myself: seeming happy U-turns. and I’ve got them now. the strongest, scariest and most life-sucking beliefs that I have held are…gone. there are two personal themes I’ve released. of course I (we) carry many. who knows what is next. but this particular breakthrough, that not so coincidentally some of my beloved patients who have been working on themselves for years are sharing with me, is a really clean, new, and exciting feeling. I know that my often cryptic way of communicating via writing only resonates with certain people — and that’s fine, it’s an excellent filter for my work — and my intention is for YOU, if you resonate with this (even if you are new to my work and don’t understand everything I am saying – by the way it is the energy and essence of me, of my consciousness that will resonate or not) to let you know that a new energetic domain or portal is truly here right now.

if we completely collapse the idea of time and space, we find infinite possibility; the best way to do this, of course, is to get into a timeless (meditative) state daily. we can bend time, change experiences, and do all kinds of things. I have to check with my numerologist and read my astrology reports to confirm, but I sense an unchartered domain for myself and for many I’ve worked with and stayed connected to. it’s simply pleasant. that is the main point of this post: pleasantries are upon us. especially if we have been TRYING…

I am a broken record talking about the physics of karma, all of the time. but I just can not stress enough, how the Universe opens for us when we honor ourselves and others. and I can not stress enough how the Universe thwarts and rejects us when we do not honor ourselves and others (do not get confused with a dark night of the soul as a result of honoring yourself! it can be easy to think you are doing something wrong, when you are indeed not). for example. there are now dozens of people who I’ve set up, nearly frame by frame, businesses and healing practices for. aside from serving as their inspiration, I walked and hand held many people through the process of even having enough courage to present themselves in the “healing” or ethereal domains. I’ve never attached myself to anyone’s business, because it’s never felt right. I like to do a lot of it quietly for many purposes, and I also do a lot of pro bono work. that said, I’ve been drawn or rather certain people have been drawn to me, in order to violate — with giant ego — divine gifts and heart. in a nutshell, some folks did some of the outrageous shit after taking what they could from me (also a now broken pattern in my life – YAY!) and starting their “spiritual” companies or practices. one person in particular (I’ve been like a child at times – I just didn’t see certain things coming because I could never imagine not honoring someone who helped me) with an apparently huge ego decided that if I wasn’t going to do xyz and help a random person as a “favor” to them, that I was completely written off. this person lied about how and why they entered the spiritual domain, their entire life path, and how their “company” came to be. it wouldn’t have bothered me, even all of the above, if this did not come on the heels of a manipulation. this person basically said “I’ll show you, Elaine” — and then the ticking time bomb began. I knew right away what this person had done to themselves, and it would only be a matter of time before their paid-for instagram following etc etc etc imploded — along with their entire life. if we build “authenticity” on a lie, it crumbles. it we willfully violate another person, WE crumble. there are so many silly rabbits out there! and sure enough, within just about a year and a half of said ego-maniac’s plight into the “spiritual” and other public domain, it’s a wrap. their entire life fell apart, only worse than before — and it won’t stop until they stop. we can not take things that are not ours, walk on people who have only been kind to us, and expect to walk freely. the Universe won’t allow it. when I see this happening, or someone directs something like this toward me, all I can do is pray for them. I actually feel badly FOR them, because I know what they have just done. unfortunately I have a handful of these experiences to count, but I know that God has used me as a tool in each case. whether people learn from it or not is up to them, but the fact remains: KARMA IS PHYSICS. PHYSICS IS TRUTH. I’m blue in the face now.

I couldn’t be more excited about the domain that I am in, and the one that many of my patients “made it through” to, and are making it through to. it is becoming less about extreme problems and difficulties (because we have been working on ourselves for so long), and more about…WHAT CAN WE CREATE? the creation stage is here.

if we worked together a long time ago and you read this, I hope you resonate. if you don’t, keep going. remember that the truth within our own self wins and creates a butterfly effect (eventually). I’ve waited a lifetime to feel the way that I do within myself now, and I wasn’t sure that I would ever feel this way. there are still plenty of things to work on, plenty of things that are “wrong”, but there has been a seismic shift and I couldn’t be happier to be in this fresh domain.

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Healing Elaine® Bahamas retreat May 24 – 27


Healing Elaine® in Nassau, Bahamas – photo by Pia Oyarzun for Forbes Magazine

this is our next stop. this retreat is open to former patients only. it will run similarly to a 3-day workshop in terms of thematic subject coverage, but it will nonetheless be very different from those of mine that you may have attended in the past…

I will spend one-on-one time with each person in abbreviated session format. we will convene on the beach. in the yoga room. under the stars. we will share our growth and goals, and the re-birthing process that got us from A to B. exciting twist: we will wrap it up with a professional photoshoot for each person, with the intention of capturing the essence of the business that each person has/is building/WANTS TO BUILD. as many of you know, those I work with (this has been happening from day one) often leave their jobs, or bridge NEW passions aka “jobs” or endeavors with their current posts. I want to continue to help cultivate and inspire each person I work with to expand to the next space in queue for them and EXECUTE in 3d terms. so, if you have a new business idea you are thinking of, or you just can’t seem to “move” your passion/endeavor to the next level, or you do not know where to start with articulating your next passion but you know it’s there, this will open your mind. it does not matter what stage you’re at. that said, be prepared to step out in front of the camera! your next steps want to be met with the world sensing your energy through your physical essence…which is ALWAYS evolving and morphing. you are not the same person you were last year, last week, or even an hour ago. our focuses will cover many subjects, obviously including precursors (aka blocks) to the above. let’s make some new things happen, in a magical geographic space.

if you are interested and can make these dates, ring the HE line and leave a voicemail. I will accept up to 3-4 people for this to keep it focused, and harvest the right group.

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Healing Elaine® mini-retreat for former patients 4.19, 4.20, 4.21

photo by Jennifer Santaniello

we will be about an hour outside of the city. this spot in particular is one of my most favorite locations in the Northeast.

the mini-retreat will run similarly to a workshop; 3pm-9pm Friday, 3pm-9pm Saturday, and 3pm-9pm Sunday. all lodging and all dinners will be included. each person will receive a private/individual healing built into the weekend. since we have worked together before, this is an opportunity (perhaps in lieu of a pop-up) to go deeper for a longer period of time, and connect with a couple of my other patients. this mini-retreat will host a couple or a few people. since this is a holiday weekend with some of my FAVORITE numerology (and one of my favorite holidays), AND a full moon on the 19th, we really have some super tailwinds assisting us here.

call 917-985-1221 and leave a voicemail if you are interested.

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how to forgive whilst simultaneously not re-entering a toxic, dangerous or abusive dynamic

photo by Anita Saini

it sounds like a paradox to most: forgive in order to become free; versus forgive in order to re-enter (hence try to fix/alter/accept toxicity, danger or abuse — AGAIN…).

it can be an endless pattern for many people, and it is. a few months ago I was chatting with a friend of mine. he “gets” what I do for work, but he’s not close to surrender (as I will refer to it throughout this post). and it’s fine. I told him that. it’s not a judgement on him – we speak our opinions about one another freely without offense. he criticizes me and doesn’t always understand me. and he also asks for and heeds my advice, such as on the subject I’m writing about. by the way these types of relationships are crucial in our lives, because if we a) need everyone to agree with us or b) can’t risk being offended, then it is not a healthy relationship. the same can be said about friendships and relationships in reference to politics etc, and I’ve said it before: I have friends on all sides of every equation out there. all countries. all religions. all political forms and allegiances. and all opinions are valid in this life. I digress…

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